What Psychologists Can Tell You About Ghosting

Ghosting is when someone terminates a relationship by ending communications abruptly and without explanation. Whether or not you'd consider ghosting someone might have a lot to do with how you view relationships in general.
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[@tokyobennet7753]

Who’s here because someone ghosted you and you’re in agonizing pain?

[@margomazzeo1680]

Me..but Im healing now..

[@God.sDaughter]

Me and I don’t know how to move on. I was told that he had a young lady in his place of work who was seated very comfortable and she said, “I’m going to see my mother.” He said, “will you be back?” He used me for sex. I had to break up with my boyfriend for him and I to see if we can set up a relationship but he never replied to me since today. He disappeared. I’ve wondered what did I do wrong? Why couldn’t he tell me to my face he isn’t interested any longer? I’m hurt and severely bruised. It kills me.

[@MJ-od5sh]

5 months in and he ghosted it’s the most excruciating inner pain that anyone can do . He was struggling but still no excuse

[@drowjack]

I’m still confused

[@MJ-od5sh]

I found out why mine ghosted, he was a serial cheat , he does this a lot to not take responsibility for his behaviours. & it looks like the Two weeks before he did this he thought he found another victim . It came two weeks after I but the boundaries in place & what I expected as part of respect towards me & the relationship. He obviously couldn’t respect me or stop his excessive validation flirting . I can move on now but it still the most evil cowardly behaviour . We are all better without these types in our life .

[@michaeljerome6591]

in my opinion getting ghosted is most painful way to breakup with someone. theres no closure to where the person knows what they did wrong or where to improve. even via text, it atleast makes it "official" that the two people are done. but i feel like in an abusive relationship, ghosting is a lot more acceptable.

[@janklaas5980]

I have been ghosted and i still dont know why. Most terrible feeling that exist...

[@izzirfanimran9465]

Jan Klaas damn i agree :’) feelsbadman

[@missironmouse]

I agree with that

[@michaeljerome6591]

@@izzirfanimran9465 feelsfuckingbadman

[@justsomenuts]

Steven Utter that sounds like the opposite of healthy. Letting yourself grieve and process is much better.

[@thisiscait]

I was ghosted after a 7 month relationship. We were best friends, too.. We spoke daily, he told me he loved me, he had plans to move in with me and had openly discussed his desire for eventual kids and marriage... Earlier that week he mentioned looking forward to accompanying me to my friend's wedding in a few months. As of writing this comment, I haven't heard from him or seen him in three months. He didn't contact me for my birthday a few weeks after he went silent. It fucked me up pretty badly for a long time, so... If you're reading this and are currently ghosting someone, or if it crosses your mind in the future, I urge you to reconsider. The decision is yours, so please choose to end things properly, especially if it's a long term relationship. It takes strength, but a short period of discomfort is so much better than the extended pain, questioning, self esteem damage, feelings of worthlessness and lack of closure that ghosting causes. I am a very resilient person, but the "blindsiding" nature of ghosting completely shattered me. Do the right thing and be accountable for your actions.

[@abnormallynormal8823]

Cait P. Can we make a club for the emotionally damaged ghosted partners? I think it could be a fun time. Lots of tears and not wanting to open up over fears of it happening all over again. In all seriousness, I’m sorry, I’ve been there and it’s a really rough time to go through. Eating junk food while watching cartoons from my childhood helped me out in the first few months. You got this!

[@cyantulip]

Cait P. Wow, that sounds brutal.

[@AbyssalSoda]

I can say the same. My ex ended our 7 month relationship with me right after my birthday and the last message I got was "I love you". Literally never talked to me after that, and I found out two months later she started rumors about me and was dating some other guy she met. She was a shy girl who never dated anyone before me and we where best friends for practically all of highschool. She told her friends various different reasons as to why she broke up with me ranging from I was manipulative, abusive, stuck up, stupid, or that she "just got bored of me" but she made the mistake of not keeping her story straight. As I was close to most of her friends and her parents I talked to them and basically exposed her for lying, to which she ditched every single long term friend. Though after that day I only spoke to her once during the rumor spree. She never gave me nor anyone else an actual reason and became a totally different person. I still don't know why and it still hurts. Due to this I stopped dating completely and lost my trust in others.

[@thisiscait]

@The Iron-hearted Wolf pretty sure.

[@BMoser-bv6kn]

​@@AbyssalSoda The most likely reason is probably boredom, sounds like. A desire for something new, which is an endless cycle with diminishing returns. The drama instigation with the lies gives some credence to this narrative theory. Some people look at relationships as like a sort of dating video game - it's a lot easier for moderately attractive women to live life like that. One of their perks, I guess.

[@whatsinadeadname]

You mention potential employees ghosting as if it was unusual for that situation. It's noteworthy that ghosting is very much a normal tactic for the other side of this relationship: potential employers. "We'll get back to you" at the interview is often followed by complete silence, and failure to respond to interviewee followup attempts.

[@tfh5575]

Right?! I find it so unprofessional. An employer that totally ignored me and left me hanging called me back a few weeks later for another position like nothing happened. That didn’t sit well with me.

[@musicianwren9248]

Ha ha thanks, this is so true. Although it sucks and drains one's energy and time I believe one is better off not having such a childish jerk for a boss ...

[@WDGFE]

Think of it as a filter. A likely toxic employer filtered themselves out of your life without you having to do it down the road. Wouldn’t want to get hired by a business that does that, as they would make life miserable in countless other ways.

[@grantbaugh2773]

I got ghosted so many times when applying for jobs that it led me to a career in recruiting because I don't want other people to go through what I did.

[@Yahriel]

I've even been ghosted by recruiters who DO follow up. I get a personal email from them declining me, and something like "if you have any questions, feel free to reach out." So naturally, I reply with something like "What was it you were looking for that you feel I didn't have? I'd like to know where I can improve and grow for the next time I apply to ?". Not once have I gotten an answer. Don't invite further communication if you have no intention of actually communicating.

[@AutobotChick25]

I like the discussion of both how this isn’t exclusive to younger generations but also has been changed by advances in technology.

[@feeling-dizzie]

I'm confused though by the statement saying technology makes it *easier* to cut someone off. The way I see it, it's *harder* to cut someone off when we have all this instantaneous communication, and that's what makes it so obvious in modern times that you've been ghosted -- they're blatantly ignoring your messages even though it would be super easy to reply.

[@Vospader0]

@@feeling-dizzie I felt the same why when she said it - it probably should've been the other way around

[@AutobotChick25]

feeling-dizzie I see you’re point. I think maybe they meant more that in modern times, if you communicate primarily through technology with someone rather than face to face, its easier to avoid them. Its kinda hard to ghost someone you see in person on a weekly or daily basis because they can confront you about not responding and you can’t just ignore them in person without escalating the situation. Back before some of our modern technology, that’s more the situation many people were in. You communicated more with people in your immediate community, people knew each other and knew each other’s business, and many of your relationships would be with people you were bound to run into again in public. Ghosting someone is kinda hard if you keep running into them in the grocery store or if they live a block down. But now our social networks tend to be more expansive, and we communicate more with people we don’t necessarily have to worry about running into super often. So if we cut off these people, we don’t have to worry about being confronted in person, and we’re less likely to have a bunch of people in out community knowing and gossiping about it. (For some people- other people do still live in small or tight knit communities and are ghosting people in them.) Plus, with modern technology we can just block people. I don’t think on like old land lines you could block a number? Certainly not on the older ones decades ago. Now if you want to ghost someone, you don’t even have to experience the guilt of seeing they’ve tried to contact you- just block them on everything and suddenly they’re out of your life. Whereas before if someone kept calling and calling or writing and writing, you might get worn down and finally contact them back.

[@MattDustyParker]

@@AutobotChick25 excellent response. I live in a smaller, more rural town, yet by keeping to one side of a county ive been able to ghost several people and avoid locations where I would be more likely to run into others.

[@AutobotChick25]

Dusty Parker lol that sounds exhausting!

[@WeeWeeJumbo]

Be brave enough to be kind. Leave no wreckage in your wake.

[@sho.me.spring53]

♥️ this

[@Zebulization]

Now that is odd; I read your comment as "Be brave enough to be kind. Leave nothing but wreckage in your wake." I was like: yeah make it abundantly clear that the relationship is irreparable. Then I read the comment again, oh. Clean up after yourself when you leave?

[@tokelaugurl]

WeeWeeJumbo Beautiful

[@mysterypersonthing8885]

Saying goodbye makes such amazing difference.

[@mechbean6953]

Who said this? (And made it famous or whatever)

[@DJNHmusic]

I think ghosting happens for one of two reasons: one is that the ghoster simply doesn't care about other people's feelings (lack of empathy), and the other that they feel that they aren't able or are too afraid to properly communicate the end of a relationship and the reasons for it (a lot of people probably aren't even sure why they're ending it anyway). It's happened to me and it's quite cruel. If you don't at least get feedback what you did wrong, or even if you did anything wrong, it can haunt you forever. Everyone deserves an honest explanation.

[@florjanaagushi2960]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯👏👏👏👏

[@matahari8673]

Agree

[@samratneupane8429]

i ghosted my girl cause of less communication between us. She wasn't very communicative and i was the one to initiate conversation tryna bring more meaning to our relationship but didn't work out. So I ended relationship in her way and never looked back. After a month, she tried to reach out with her friends account but my ego was like nah, you gotta have self respect. It seemed to me that she lost interest while we were in a relationship.

[@ziggyflame6988]

I ghosted two people. I explained myself to them because those two had stabbed me in the back big time. I gave them many chances. I got tired of the drama and so I cut them off. Sometimes it’s none of the reasons that you listed. I understand that in some cases it is bad to ghost but when the person is really toxic or they just won’t understand how spreading rumors is bad,and they constantly continue to do that,then cutting someone off is the right thing to do because you cannot force someone to change or to stop they’re silly childish behavior.

[@shrutisinha7007]

@@samratneupane8429 are you born in 1999?

[@databanks]

When trying to escape a malignant narcissist or abusive partner - ghosting becomes more of a safety option. Speaking from personal experience here.

[@zdillard318]

ABSOLUTELY! Furthermore, if you don't ghost for your own safety, they will ghost you either for an ephemeral silent treatment, or as an attempt to destroy your self esteem by moving on to new supply. And that's if they don't kill you.

[@Food4thought1234]

That's not considered ghosting.

[@skullandmelodiesd.c.3137]

Sort of like witness protection

[@hellraisinhamster]

Agreed!

[@GW-gz8jh]

That’s going no contact. Completely separate issue. That’s not the same as ghosting. Most people aren’t escaping from abuse, it’s plain bad manners because they do not have the maturity to end it properly and deal with feeling badly.

[@jenniekelly571]

I've been ghosted, and I think ghosting is an immature act by an immature person. If you can't break up with someone face to face or at least over the phone, you need to learn more about relationships....

[@luciddreams7540]

I agree. In any type of relationship you're responsible for how your actions affect the other person. Ducking that responsibility to be kind is childish. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Also, nice profile picture. I actually bought that print.

[@jenniekelly571]

@@luciddreams7540 I guess.... He wound up dating someone that looked a lot like me, but she made more money.... So it made him seem very shallow, something I didn't see while being with him.

[@Disqualified_Identity]

Your comment hits the nail right on the head! Firstly, I am sorry you had to deal with dating a narcissist/coward. ...it is said that a relationship is “give and take”...so I believe it stands to reason that if you are going to “take” off, you should “give” a reason.

[@alaskanactressp30]

Absolutely. Relationships are like children. If you cannot handle them, don’t abuse, use or hurt someone else’s life up. I remember a song that goes a old song 70s Take my heart, my soul, my money but don’t leave me drowning in my tears 😭.

[@annelittle4183]

I was ghosted by a man i dated for over 5yrs. Funny thing is, he claimed to be an authority on relationships. What a joke! Glad now to be done with him. What a loser. Guy is poor and can barely pay the rent.😂😂😂

[@kmerrillschaecher984]

Honesty is a sign of maturity. Ghosting a sign of lack of maturity. Some I think feel easy come easy go. That is someone I don’t want in my life. I am worth being told. I can handle it!

[@williamtran8812]

Maturity can also mean learning not to waste time on pointless conversation, and to move on.

[@kmerrillschaecher984]

@@williamtran8812 Of course we move on but that doesn't change the facts.

[@kimw200blaze4]

Oh well I must be immature then...lol😅

[@averagejane09]

@@williamtran8812 ? That a is a different topic really.

[@averagejane09]

Agreed. Well said. It is also just unkind (unless as someone pointed out it is for safety). In most cases, a person deserves an honest conversation.

[@renatoloureiro9103]

The most difficult part of being ghosted nowadays is that social media allows you to see the "ghoster" carrying on with their lives while you are still trying to recover. This is horrible because you start speculating about the reasons for being ghosted in the first place

[@michaelpeople7283]

Exactly. I am in day two of being ghosted. It sucks like hell. She gets to continue on with her life, while I sit here trying to recover. Wish there was some type of karma for that. But to all you "ghosters" out there Please be careful. Folks are crazy out here in the world, and you don’t know what may trigger a person.

[@naseebagarba1828]

I hope you're fine now Michael

[@michaelpeople7283]

@@naseebagarba1828 oh I am just fine, still ghosted from the same person but its HER loss not mine.

[@naseebagarba1828]

@@michaelpeople7283 great

[@lovehandles2464]

A year ago I was ghosted by someone who I had romantic feelings for. We shared many special moments, and I really had hope that I found the one. Several months in, He started going silent out of the blue, leaving me on seen. Eventually blocking me on all platforms,, I was so sad and confused, and had no idea what was going on. I eventually found out he was cheating on me and decided to settle for the other person. The whole experience left me with deep insecurities and lasting mental health issues , That to this day, I typed into KZbin the topic of ghosting, to come across this video. I tried so hard to be good To him, because I really thought this could be a promising relationship, Half a year later, I learned that the person he cheated on me with, cheated on him and dumped him. That made me feel a little better, because he experienced at-least a fraction of what he put me through. I decided I will never ever ghost someone , because I know what it can lead to.

[@mmilcz833]

When I was severely depressed I was really good at ghosting. Trying to quit doing that. It’s a bad avoidance coping mechanism in my case. Edit: I just want to specify that I’m not talking about romantic relationships and I never ghosted anyone permanently. I’m talking about not replying to family and friends for a couple of days, maybe a month or two at most. This has nothing to do with abuse or cowardice. It’s a bad thing to do but my family always knew I was safe. I’ve never abandoned anyone and left them to wonder if I’m even alive. I’m in a close knit circle of family and friends and everyone always knows how I’m doing. People deal with many difficult things so please don’t be rude.

[@jodinha4225]

Yet more light shines on just how awful depression is.

[@det.halligan]

I also had this issue during depression. I ghosted almost everyone and was antisocial with family. I'm glad they did a video on it, because I never forgave myself for doing it, and still haven't. I'm still not 100% sure why I did it, besides remembering a near constant feeling of "I-can't-be-bothered".

[@jodinha4225]

Chris Kanellis if you did it cause of a feeling of just not being able to put in the effort to respond I wouldn’t consider it ghosting. Ghosting is much more nefarious whether it’s meant to be or not.

[@mmilcz833]

Chris Kanellis in my case it was mostly because I didn’t know how to explain myself for not being around so I just avoided them altogether. Also when people would try to catch up and ask how I was doing I didn’t feel like telling them how horrible I feel but at the same time I didn’t want to lie. It was also painful to talk to people that used to make me happy and excited and didn’t anymore (it wasn’t their fault, I was just in a bad place).

[@mmilcz833]

Kissa Kala I did and thankfully so did the people I hurt. Some of them didn’t understand at first but eventually everyone I care about came around.

[@waxwinged_hound]

I'd rather someone TELL me that I'm awful and unloveable and they never wanna see me again, yaknow? It's something I'm used to anyway.

[@ShobhitVashistha]

For me the ghosting was never about the other person, it is just that I didn't feel good enough, I felt they were better without me, it is a shitty thing to do, I know, to leave someone hanging, but it never started with that intention, but that was always the result. After doing it a bunch of times I just stopped meeting new people, so I won't hurt them by ghosting them. I have some issues I need to resolve before I can be confident while meeting someone new. I hate myself for what I am

[@maxcovfefe]

@@ShobhitVashistha I agree with what you're saying, but without the self-hate for it. I've come to acknowledge that I'm a ghost, barely alive some days. It's like being a little bit dead, and don't wanna spread my decay to them. It is a RELIEF not to have to haunt people. In this, I've found ways to come "alive" again, slowly, on my own terms. I'm not lonely; I'm just overwhelmed.

[@lizmowrey9866]

I feel ya

[@redfather5342]

It doesn't matter what you want

[@deadcell1]

My ex put the entire blame of the relationship on me and since we worked together she eventually got me fired (over a lie) because the guy that she wanted to date was working there as well. It backfired (when the news spread around the job) and everyone saw she wasn't the innocent Christian woman she portrayed herself to be. The guy eventually ghosted her after getting what he wanted and then almost a year later she came slithering back to me like a snake (without even an apology). After I rejected her advances she must have felt bad and deleted all her social media accounts. I have a strong distastefulness (towards her) in my mouth for the role she played in the demise of our relationship and the loss of my 15-year job.

[@missdoll2627]

excuse me.. employers ALSO ghost employee's and potential employees. don't put it only on employees

[@soapgirlsrule]

Also employers have done it for ages and I think started it when the economy was bad. Economy isn’t bad anymore so now employees can do it too

[@TimeIdle]

You mean laying off or firing?

[@christicrenshaw2772]

@@TimeIdle Yeah they want you to give them a 2 week notice if you are going to quit but they dont you. I have never given a 2 week notice. I treat them the same as they would me. Never have and never will. Its unfair

[@stillayl9943]

@@christicrenshaw2772 Give a fired employee 2 weeks? It isn't done for a lot of reasons! For one, when a boss is done with you...he's finished! For two, it is a security risk. That person who was terminated can vandalize something on company property or do something else untoward. If a boss made it clear to you that you were no longer his cup of tea... Would you really want to stay 2 more weeks, in his employ, however disdainful and damaging it is?:( I do not think so.:(

[@kimaya.3563]

Like whenever you have an interview and wait over 5 months for the employer to call back?

[@chubtuggins5169]

Ghosting: a polite way of describing how cowards deal with adversity.

[@margomazzeo1680]

Spot on..my man!!🎈🎈🎈

[@lancethrust9488]

SNOWFLAKE CANT HANDLE LETTING GO , MOVING ON AND STARTING A NEW LIFE IS HARDLY COWARDLY , USUALLY THE GHOST HAS WEIGHED UP THERE OPTIONS AND THE JUICE ISNT WORTH THE SQUEEZE FROM A LOGICAL POINT OF VIEW , AND LETS GO FAST , ITS NOT LOGICAL TO LIVE IN NEGATIVITY LET GO AND MOVE ON !!!

[@TheSuicide4]

@@lancethrust9488 💯💯💯💯💯

[@ES-aussie68]

A communication skills problem that rarely improves.

[@TheGreatCooLite]

Can't get ghosted if you have never been in a relationship

[@geekygecko1849]

Relatable

[@andy56duky]

@Apex Wraith losers says that and you're a living proof.

[@Maru7en]

XD

[@probablynot1368]

@Apex Wraith Relationships take work. If a person avoids a relationship because of the fear of being ghosted (rejected), then that person has also avoided the possibility of a happy, successful relationship. Rejection happens; that’s life. Could you imagine how unchallenging or boring life would be if one succeeded at everything attempted on the first try?

[@ourladypeace3]

Same

[@amandalicorne7769]

I ghosted an emotionally abusive boyfriend before. I had already tried to break it off and he flew into a terrifying rage.

[@berrysantics2342]

Amanda Licorne you made the right call

[@leodzepe]

The only time this is an appropriate choice, I hope you are finding yourself better

[@BunnyArisu]

As someone who finds ghosting appalling behavior, this is a scenario where it’s perfectly fine. You did a great thing getting out of there, I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I’m proud of you.

[@matthewdrummond1340]

I respect ghosting in such circumstances. Some random guy in Canada is proud of you.

[@jodinha4225]

I don’t think ghosting was the right call. The correct thing probably would’ve been righting a last note to them explaining what’s going on then just leaving them.

[@saddieahsan]

If you think about it, ghosting is selfish. Some people need closure and not having it can really mess with their heads

[@seichhornchen]

Been ghosted? It's over. How's that not closure?

[@jailoutafreecard4414]

@@seichhornchen my thoughts exactly. People throw around the word closure alot but what even is it. Would a heated argument before i never speak to them again really change how they feel? Personally im very cut and dry with relationships. If someone ends it then its over. Period. I cant stand people who break up and get right back together after they calm down. Because even if they really want to end it breaking up no longer means its over. And ive seen how this behaviour warps a relationship

[@voiceofwisdom3408]

"Ghosting is selfish" Let me offer the alternative point of view. If you see red flags and have no hope of this person changing, ghosting leaves those red flags on display for those that come behind you. If on the other hand, you discuss your reasons then the ghosted party can do a better job of hiding the offending behavior in the early stages of the next relationship and cause the same or greater problems for others.

[@pawsnotclaws2772]

Saddie it is

[@Gutter_Glitter]

@@jailoutafreecard4414 it's more a respect thing. I'd rather have someone tell me to "F**k off and die" (not that it show be that extreme) than just vanish. It's like saying you can't even spare a thought or any consideration to just say "nope not working out." Especially if there are 0 warning signs. I mean if they were sketchy at times then you can do the math if they vanish. But a sudden ghost when everything seems fine is a serious "wtf?" Like did you die bro?

[@johnbuchanan2459]

Ghosting is one of the favorite tricks of a Narcissist.

[@andrewjudeus6283]

I wish I could like this comment times 10000000

[@manuabrahammamachan6548]

yes.

[@miss_sana97]

WORD!

[@Filthy_Larry]

Maybe I’m a narc. Most likely not though. I ghost people, especially women I don’t want anything to do with. Self preservation

[@vii1066]

You hurt lmao

[@ThrottleKitty]

This is why things like "destiny" and "true love" are not only totally BS, but they cause massive amounts of unhappiness and shattered relationships. The world isn't like the movies, when two people love each other it's a deep and complicated bond that grows with them their entire life. You can't treat it like it's a TV show toe be hyped or ditched based on your fleeting whims. Love is a hard won battle.

[@carissstewart3211]

Love, True Love, is an act of the will. Everything else is just hormones.

[@ThrottleKitty]

I prefer to call it by what it is, unconditional love. You can love someone no matter what, but it's not some feeling or emotion. If you care about someone because they make you feel tingly, that is highly conditional love. If you love someone even when they make you feel bad, and you have no reason too, then that is truly unconditional love. You don't just "feel" something like that for someone, it takes years of deep bonding and connection. With the exception of mothers and their unconditional love for their children, of coarse.

[@maroo747]

It happens, just not to all people. We can’t all be lucky.

[@Vuadanee]

agreed destiny is pretty bs... i mean destiny 2 is much more improved than destiny 1 but it's still pretty grindy and repetitive

[@RosheenQuynh]

@@Vuadanee I don't know why you'd think this would be a cute time to joke about video game but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

[@iamNotHereB]

Don't forget potential employers ghosting the hell out of candidates, even after several steps into their hiring process; because of fear of being sued or just plain old aversion to uncomfortable conversations.

[@reyr.7439]

People are so bad at communicating. Ghosting is selfish, immature, and narcissistic. Someone ghosted me, came back then ghosted me again. I learned my lesson now. Whenever someone starts ignoring me or ghosts me, I'll just block them. I don't need this type of toxicity in my life.

[@stefanmilicevic5322]

In my opinion: Ghosting = Coward Move (There exists exceptions of course)

[@tommy7830]

Eh, if you didnt want to be their friend it isn't your obligation. If you guys have been friends for a while that's when it gets a little more complex

[@nofybn7794]

NO exceptions.

[@mxd-1990asn]

@@tommy7830 Well most people dont care if u ghost them when they were friends for only a short time, doesnt count. This comment is much more about people who were either in a relationship , about 2 people who dated for a longer time already (mainly if there already were feelings involved) and people who were very good friends. Especially the first 2 i mention can hurt a LOT, if you did care a lot and all went good AND the person who ghosts you did KNOW that you have those feelings, it will leave you with a lot of questions. Some people take weeks months years to get over someone they really cared for. (NOBODY HAS to answer u etc. in ANY case , but that does NOT change the fact that just ghosting u is a good way and its STILL immature and a coward move if it was more then just 2 weeks dating or a 2weeks friendship or so, thats not what most people talk about with comments like stefans).

[@tommy7830]

@@mxd-1990asn yeah absolutely I agree. Those are the ones when it hurts. When you've both been vulnerable with one another and have started to bond and become attached. You have lowered your guard

[@maybeitswaybelline6555]

nofy bn abusive significant other. That’s at least one exception.

[@NekoChanSenpai]

I think it's unnecessarily cruel. How is the other person supposed to know the relationship is even over? Or that their partner hasn't just up and died? Cut off ties if you want, but let the other person know about it.

[@troodon1096]

I think cutting off ties is a pretty clear indication that the relationship is over. I don't owe any explanations to people that can't take a hint.

[@StarryNightxx]

@@troodon1096 in my case the guy lied and said he was busy, made things very confusing

[@Vuadanee]

@@troodon1096 how much effort do you think it takes to just say bye? if you're not at least willing to do that out of the sheer "i don't owe anyone anything har har" bit when it comes to bonding with another human being, i don't have much hope for any of your future relationships

[@Crazywaffle5150]

Id rather them ghost me honestly than say something negative. Allow me to pretend I never knew them.

[@captlanc]

@@troodon1096 I bet you're the kind that lied about being busy and then cut off contact. No, it is entirely your for being a coward. The fact that you don't think you 'owe' another human anything when the relationship is a 2-person-thing makes you look self-centered. You probably are. I pray no one enters any kind of 'relationship' with your kind.

[@MatheusSouza-li4jf]

Well, I AM here to make sweeping claims about how you should personally end your relationships. Just remember that really old rule: Don't do unto others what you don't want done unto you. Then it should be common sense that since no one likes to be ghosted you shouldn't ghost anyone. You just gotta have the nerve to say you don't want anything anymore with the person and that it's over for you. The end.

[@lordgarion514]

You're extremely naive. "the end"? And what about violent partners?

[@hibak8196]

Totally agree. @@lordgarion514 doing it for safety is an obvious exception.

[@deadcell1]

I would rather be ghosted than breaking up with. From my experience, every lady that has broken up with me has tried to stay friends (to alleviate the guilt of the breakup) and we either always ended up shacking back up (in one night encounters) or agreeing to be friends (in hopes of reconciling the relationship in the future), the anticipation and uncertainty is torture for me so yea, ghosting is easier for me.

[@naominekomimi]

Ghosting is kind of a monstrous thing to do. I seriously question the empathetic ability of people who can sleep at night after having ghosted someone.

[@shanrock34]

I've ghosted one time. But only because I learned the man I was getting to know had a history of being charged with beating multiple girlfriends. So I didn't feel I owed him a conversation. But I do feel like if you just click with someone better it would be nice to have the respect enough to be told. It's painful.

[@matthewfeola5218]

What if it is ghosting a physopath? Is it still monstrous?

[@kresivarivkah612]

@@matthewfeola5218 Obviously not.

[@gykeewheeler2015]

I’ve ghosted about four people in my life and felt awful about it. But I never understood why I did it. I feel like I might have some kinda personality disorder or something else

[@blablablabla2447]

I did it, and was relieved to do it. I realized it was bad 7 years later, no joke. I consider to do it again with someone else because I can't stand the pain I feel anymore.

[@nopenope7184]

Ghosting is an immature way of avoiding difficulties in participating in relationships. Nothing more.

[@caragarcia2307]

I can actually understand the violence one. Out of sight out of mind, and it is doubtful that person could mean that much to someone who is abusive.

[@LDuke-pc7kq]

Cowardly

[@fidelis1480]

No , it's cool, hehe!

[@amasion2882]

Ghosting is simply a slang term for abandonment. The word “abandonment” is too icky/serious so people say “ghost” instead. We live in a culture that encourages and rewards excessive selfishness and self-interest. We encourage individuality and applaud people always “working on themselves,” “being their best selves” and “not needing relationships.” Underlying message is that relationships are transient and disposable and unimportant-less important-than ourselves. Another problem is the lack of formal etiquette in society. In order for good manners to actually work, EVERYONE has to know what they are and use them. If I approach a man and tell him I’m uninterested in seeing him romantically anymore, am respectful and honest and compassionate...It only works well if the man is respectful and accepting even if he’s disappointed or angry. These days people get angry, they lash out, argue, threaten revenge, and even get violent or murderous. If they’re saddened they may protest, beg, plead and cry, an understandable reaction but still difficult to witness when one believes s/he is the only one who matters and relationships are disposable. People abandon lovers, spouses, families, jobs, pets, friendships, clients...name any type of relationship and it can be abandoned.

[@Kaboomboo]

@@amasion2882 Couldn't have said it better myself! Seriously you hit the nail on the head. We do indeed live in a very self serving society in which we only think about ourselves and are encouraged to do so. Ghosting isn't limited to just relationships, but I've often worked with people that simply stopped showing up to work, no call no showed, and everyone else had to unexpectedly pick up the slack. People just don't feel the need to consider others and live to serve themselves. While this isn't a new phenomenon, it is something that has grown exponentially due to the rise of the internet and social media. We'll see the effects it has on societies as a whole probably in the next decade, in that we'll see how it's affected marriages, relationships, friendships, hiring practices, etc.

[@GOODNOIGHT]

The only ghosting ive ever encountered was “Hey I really like you lets go on a second date!” I get home THAT night and Im already ghosted, unfollowed on all social Media platforms and blocked everywhere. Dodged a bullet honestly lol I cant deal with cowards.

[@kathryngeeslin9509]

Used to be infuriatingly standard behavior. "I'll call you!" followed by silence.

[@brwneyedgrl2301]

Dont say it if you dont mean it.

[@alexandranoboa]

Well, at least it was only one date.

[@shantolion1576]

Thats cruel...wow ppl suck ass so bad...i hate fake ppl

[@orubek355]

Unfollowed and blocked, omg. That's rude!

[@rachelbeth._611]

I thought I could create my own sense of closure when I was ghosted but after years of trying it still bothers me everyday. If you're going to ghost someone don't think the victim will just shrug it off because it sticks like a thorn. :(

[@OneManOnFire]

I'm at the crossroads of ghosting my crush who told me she was pregnant one week before the baby was born.

[@NatureSouldierSC]

Remove the Thorn your damn self if you're going to be a victim just say I CHOOSE to be a victim. Have a nice day. :)))))

[@InscentiveAdvice]

Um wake up that's why they do it!! Its rough for sure.... Their cowards psychotic sociopaths they do not think u r going to shrug it off chances r it happened to them n they know exactly how it feels. They want to crush u also most of time they r miserable about themself so they want to bring u to that realm. Sick sad world

[@redfather5342]

Good

[@InscentiveAdvice]

@@redfather5342 I've seen u before who r u hahaha. #good

[@grimterrapin3987]

As a person who's been ghosted more times than I can could count, please dont do it. Ive been an emotional mess for nearly a decade as a result

[@redfather5342]

Grow the he'll up you cry baby

[@margomazzeo1680]

@@redfather5342 stfu..bully..

[@Rtz89]

@@redfather5342 What about the person ghosting that needs to grow up? Ghosting itself is childish and cowardly.

[@rl3656]

@@redfather5342 🤮🤮🤮

[@redfather5342]

@@Rtz89 how so

[@reagangundersen3490]

I see ghosting as being a coward, no closure for sure and just lack of respect and a communication inability

[@nicholasn.2883]

One of my best friends literally just disappeared. Goes to the same school, but he just stop talking to me. Very cool indeed

[@jodinha4225]

Nicholas Nelson had that happen to me too. They never actually told me why they did it, but my GF at the time was still their friend, and she told me the reason they did it was because they didn’t like my sense of humor. That’s really my only experience with ghosting but it doesn’t paint ghosters in a good light, being willing to throw away relationships just cause the person isn’t funny enough.

[@AdipescentCat]

Nicholas Nelson this was my high school story too! Good thing It happened though. There were def red flags but I found true friendship cuz of this and am wayyyy better off and learned and grew :)

[@ceddynash5610]

I had to end up ghosting a friend I'd known for a really long time because they were so obsessed with spending time together. I had various groups of friends but still liked my own company, while they were the opposite. They hated being alone and I was one of their only friends. Plus, the more comfortable with me they got, the more increasingly weird they were. I didn't mind a little weird because we all are a bit, but this was like... creepy. I'm talking, "lets go and wait for this girl to finish work so we can bump into her" weird. This didn't happen all the time admittedly, and I was still more annoyed that they would ask to meet up almost every single day or even just turn up at my house when they wanted to see me. I even ended up having a really awkward discussion with them saying that I think they're too dependant on other people's company, but they still text me, rang me or turned up at my house all the time

[@nicolelynn8494]

Honestly in an abusive relationship or with a cheating partner, I think ghosting is perfectly acceptable. If you are being used, abused, manipulated, or gaslighted, ghosting is a safe way to go. When you try to talk things out with a narcissist, they will just end up lying to get what they need and you’ll fall back into the trap. With ghosting, you’re not putting yourself in a position to be gaslighted and lied to. With ghosting, they’ll have to sit and wonder what they did wrong and accept it for themselves. By fearing being abandoned again without zero closure or empathy from the other partner, they can maybe finally change. You can be free.

[@mamukelemakhanya1977]

Needed to read this

[@lionelgrisbane-ud87]

Lmao no they won’t change. This makes you just as bad as them, you sound super manipulative and controlling. All you have to say is that you won’t be speaking to them anymore, and then don’t. Then you don’t have to speak to them anymore without the cowardice of ghosting. It’s not that hard.

[@nicolelynn8494]

@@lionelgrisbane-ud87 No, I think when someone abuses you it’s okay to stop all contact and go straight to filing a no contact order 😄

[@lionelgrisbane-ud87]

@@nicolelynn8494 yes it is but that’s not what you said. You said you would ignore them as a tactic to manipulate them into changing. That’s manipulative on your part. If they’re abusive and you need to get away from them then just get away but don’t expect them to change or do it to make them change.

[@nicolelynn8494]

@@lionelgrisbane-ud87 Not manipulative at all. My point is you could be a positive influence in their life by ghosting them, causing them to finally introspect 😊 they can choose that or not. Manipulation is when you’re expecting something; ghosting is the opposite. Plus if you’re truly ghosting, then you don’t expect any outcomes from them again.

[@aussieaussieaussie9438]

If someone ghosts their partner/friend, they are cowards. Emotionally immature. Excluding violent and abusive relationships

[@chloethemessenger]

Aussie Aussie Aussie 💯💯💯💯💯

[@aussieaussieaussie9438]

@JDMime Were you only able to read the first paragraph?

[@aussieaussieaussie9438]

@Jared Henkle Emotionally immature cowards that are done. Its disrespectful and is not something a decent person would do. Possibly narcissistic traits too, only concerned at themselves. But you do you, Jared.

[@sandrelwilliams461]

@@aussieaussieaussie9438 preach

[@sandrelwilliams461]

@@qpines2392 your right

[@bobthegoat7090]

Ghosting is not acceptable unless you are in an abusive relationship. As the person getting ghosted it is not fun as you can only imagine what you did wrong and your own conclusion often is way worse than the actual reason

[@amykay3813]

I agree, especially if the ghosted person has no way to know if you are safe.

[@catherinedavis34]

Preach

[@KCNOZC]

Fake Name yea it could be someone who doesn’t want to be found anymore. Done trying. There was never Love there or they wouldn’t have ghosted to begin with. If someone loved and cared for someone they wouldn’t put someone in a position to mentally destroy them. Never to love again. Poor judgement on someone’s call

[@GW-gz8jh]

That’s not ghosting. That’s going no contact and is something completely different. Ghosting is ending a relationship without any notice because you aren’t mature enough to do so and fear the discomfort of that responsibility

[@fidelis1480]

Just make sure you aren't the abuser, ghosting is actually kind of passive aggressive probably verging on sadistic.

[@trishasword9560]

Ghosting is a power move. No one ever talks about it that way, but it gives the person who starts ghosting a feeling of power over the ghosting victim. Look into NPD. If they come back to talk at some point, ghost their ass back and I guarantee you will feel the power rush and frankly, it’s what they deserve.

[@andreariegler]

I was ghosted in a past relationship. I still have yet to speak to him, and am totally glad. It took a lot of inner work to realize that anyone who thinks so little of me that they had to do this as a means of getting away from me has zero courage, no consideration for others, and is quite narcissistic. I have to thank him for setting me free from what most likely would have been a toxic relationship, as he lacked the ability to be honest and upfront about what he wanted from the relationship in the first place. He could "talk the talk " of long-term commitment, but could not "walk the walk", and when things were "getting serious " for me, he was getting scared that he might have to make an effort for someone other than himself, and that's when he vanished into thin air. If I were to see him on the street (and I have crossed paths with him since then), I act like I don't know who he is. No recognition for someone who plainly does not deserve it. Glad to be free from a person who uses their "availability " as a toxic weapon to inflict emotional abuse. Never again.

[@TokioTE]

Perfectly said 👏💞

[@aalagh57]

true

[@zinazoulou3574]

How are you doing now?

[@snow640]

I got ghosted more than once, it made me don't believe about honesty anymore, I don't want a relationship and I'm tired. I'm happy with myself alone. Screw romantic relationships.

[@nyodeler6647]

They failed to mention one glaring trait of ghosters: They're cowards.

[@redfather5342]

So losing interest is being a cowered

[@ManoloPluas]

Only A COLDHEARTED Person will ghost you

[@napa5235]

@@redfather5342 The problem is not losing interest, the problem is that they are too coward to officially break up

[@alexandranoboa]

Wow, almost every comment coincides with ghosting being a thing of cowards. Yes, they are cowards.

[@StaggerLee68]

Or it's a last option for dealing with narc abuse. Always a grey area when discussing these things. It can be the final option in terms of safety from vampires, unfortunately. I agree that it is a weapon of the cowardly but there is the other possibility that it's pure defense and legitimate fear of potentially violent encounter. Crazy either way, haha

[@rachelbeth._611]

Anyone been ghosted before they even got a chance to be in a relationship? Hurts like hell.

[@JoshuaKimbrough]

Facts

[@nadjadoes]

I used to ghost people when I knew my energy would be off towards someone ('cause sometimes life happens). In a way, it was to protect them. But on the other hand, it was dumb 'cause they'd end up wondering why I ghosted them (which may be worse). I know now that it's better to end things properly with people or explain why you act in certain ways. So now, when people ghost me, I remember how I used to ghost others and know that I am not the problem - they are. If you look at it that way, it will be a relief. Of course, it hurts, but you never really know what is happening in someone's life. Sometimes we think we play a bigger part than we actually do. And if your friendship/ relationship/ whatever is meant to be, you will find each other back along the way.

[@ceddynash5610]

I've known overly clingy and annoying people that I've told I'm busy, and tried meeting up with them less often.(didn't work). Said that I'm not as available as they'd like me to be, and that I'd let them know when I was free (didn't even slow them down). And even straight up said "you need to learn to be on your own"! And that's meant nothing to them... I didn't even intent on ghosting them completely, but it really is all or nothing for some people

[@strawberrydaurto3366]

Exactly! Around that time I would give clues and basically u said everything that I would do and then it was like I was pressured to hang out or something it was like a job the friend ship just became to much and as a person who needs time to be alone and away from people it was hard, I didn’t know what else to do, this friend would be mad at me and say fine then if u don’t want to hang out then don’t be my friend.. anyways this was almost 2 yrs ago but I noticed my mistake and this year right before quarantine I texted this friend my part of the story and we seem to be good haven’t talked since then, it is till probably awkward or idk but we didn’t talk for almost 2 yrs. I wanted to make things right even if she did not want to be my friend so there goes that. I do hope when we talk agin that we both have grown as people and next time no means no and also it’s not okay for me to just leave.

[@ceddynash5610]

@@strawberrydaurto3366 Definitely... when a friendship starts to feel like a chore, I don't think that's healthy. At least you managed to get your point across to them at some point. I never got to completely explain my side of the story properly (which is probably why I'm ranting on here lol). And I sometimes feel bad about it, but every time I would try to explain (anything at all) to my friend... it felt like they were only hearing what they wanted to. It was very difficult to deal with them, in many ways they were a very problematic person. I tried to help them, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. So, in order to save myself from inheriting all of their issues and drama I felt like ghosting is all I could do.

[@thebluewhale8891]

Some folks here are confusing ghosting with no-contact. Like the video explains, ghosting is when one of the individuals in an otherwise normal relationship completely ignores the other as a way to end said relationship. Going no-contact is when an individual escapes an abusive and/or toxic relationship by essentially creating their own from of a restraining order. As an example: a ghoster won't block your number or profiles despite not communicating with you- they'll just simply not respond. No-contact is when a relationship is suddenly abandoned and you block or have been blocked on all forms of communication. Either you don't want them to contact you or vice-versa. I hope this helped.

[@ttrev007]

I have only Ghosted one person. It was for safety reasons. It was the least bad option.

[@michaeljerome6591]

i think ghosting is a better option for a situation like this in my opinion

[@lorenasbarros]

Either ghost and hide yo kids hide yo wife or... report that person to the police. Been there

[@chrisbaker2669]

I think people get angrier over ghosting then a just a quick break up text.

[@brwneyedgrl2301]

@kidofdarkness_ I was thinking the same thing. You can send a text, write a note, leave a message while still remaining save. And can also add for him/her not to contact you again, if you are that scared.

[@shantolion1576]

Thats not gosting. Thats protection thats something completely different and i agree with that

[@maha_13]

i was ghosted by someone in past and 4 years later, i still deal with the trauma it left me with. i get extremely anxious when people i care about merely take long to text me back or ignore a text momentarily. i start thinking every worse possible outcome in my head. i have had panic attacks cause of all the overthinking. i am trying to recover from it, but honestly, it's so hard to live in this constant fear that people who love me may leave me some day without a word...

[@badgalirri]

same.. :(

[@qwnpngwn672]

Having been ghosted myself at a young age by a person who introduced me to family and talked about putting a ring on it, admittedly hurts more than you can imagine. It was very painful and left me spinning and completely blindsided. I heard from him about a year later and he says he was in too deep and felt awful for doing it. He was also getting married and expecting a child but somehow simultaneously telling his ex girlfriend (me) how he still missed me 🙄. Loser.. ultimately in hindsight.. Im so glad he did that because I can only imagine how crap my life would've been compared to how great it is now with my husband

[@neothinkmaki2113]

For normal relationships Ghosting is a cowardly way to breakup, however when dealing with toxic relationships such as Narcissistic personalities it is imperative to go "No Contact". Any response good or bad to a narcissist will become your worst nightmare.

[@birdy_coolbeans]

won't someone think of the poor employers? after all, they have applications to reject without a word, we can't have them worried about getting ghosted by the people they DO want to hire

[@nattygsbord]

I think it is a nice thing when companies sends a letter telling you that someone else got the job so one can go on with your life.

[@weir-doe3205]

Haha, nice one. Ghosting isn't new, it just went personal

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

I was ghosted after a year long relationship. What’s wrong with people 🙄🤷‍♀️

[@invadinginfidel2195]

Bianca Bloom hurt people hurting people!

[@pbmc_]

Same here after a year relationship. Makes me wonder why I was that person in the first place.

[@beachynailsaus]

Same here after nearly 2 yr relationship. So hurtful.

[@rowsic159]

Bianca Bloom Just happened to me after a year long relationship. Then “break”, then she said she wanted to get back together and I said I wanted to take it slow, two months later after initiating everything she ghosts me. I haven’t been this mad in a long time lol. Felt betrayed and like a slap to the face.

[@cangjie12]

Our modern world doesn’t believe in moral values anymore. Its just about trying to ‘be’ someone and trying to ‘express’ yourself.

[@biden-sniffs-kids]

Ghosting is the highest form of cowardice leave someone the right way face to face

[@StaggerLee68]

Apart from narcissistic and potentially violent vampires. Then it may be the last option of self defense and necessary. There is no "face to face" closure with these monsters and makes No Contact actually achievable. The least worse of all your bad options sometimes.

[@tinachristine4573]

It's a form of emotional abuse

[@TragoudistrosMPH]

I'm watching this for scientific reasons... not that I've been ghosted or anything... ...

[@janklaas5980]

Same here...

[@farahsafi5291]

Suuure

[@Ana-ty8sl]

Lucky

[@breadfan_85]

If someone ghosts you for no reason, then they are damaged. In this way, it acts as a great filter. So if you are ghosted, just be glad because you just dodged a bullet.

[@TheBossMan1453]

C o r r e c t

[@cyantulip]

Ghosting is just selfish. You save yourself the relatively small pain of breaking up with someone at the expense of causing a lot of pain, frustration, and distress to that person. How can anyone think that’s acceptable?

[@hillarybillary21]

Their only thinking of themselves. Don’t give them that much credit.

[@Stormcloakvictory]

@C Truth you tell them how you feel and then you leave. If you're affraid people don't like you, ghosting is a sure ticket to a self fulfilling prophecy in that case. It's borderline narcissistic.

[@cookiebob_]

Well put

[@marcestinville4118]

I watched this video and I'm now reading the comments. I ghosted my friend for 3 months because he found out that I wasn't all that I seemed to be. I just needed some space. I tried calling back to explain but I found out that he blocked me.

[@AssUnderFire]

The most damaging thing you can feel when you get ghosted, is the feeling that you have a very low value as a person. A value that is so low, that people wont feel bad if they just ignored you. Ofcourse, thats only a feeling...but feelings are important and they can really have the capacity to destroy peoples lives sometimes.

[@Ivanzter]

Really?

[@mifasola1]

My lover ghosted me for 6 weeks and I sat him down and demanded that he tell me whether this relationship was over...was it yes or no. He paused and again I told him it was either yes or no. He said yes hesitatingly but still wanted to be my friend. I refused. I still loved him and wasn't going to agree to that. We parted ways.

[@Stormcloakvictory]

Why do they always say they wanna be friends? Like, you know I still love you and seeing you without being close with you is agonizing, so NO ofc we don't wanna stay friends! 😑

[@God.sDaughter]

You’ll find a wonderful partner who’ll love you for life entirely with no BUTS. Peace be with you.

[@Andrea-xs4ny]

A reason for ghosting that wasn't given is depression/anxiety/going through something painful/other physical or emotional issue(s). *Personal experience

[@Stormcloakvictory]

I've been dealing with that for 10 years now, never made me ghost anyone. Yes I broke contact with people before because of that but always said what's going on and why. Never have I just left them without a word because I know how much that hurt. Infact, it's kinda hypocritical if I ghosted someone for that reason since it's very possible it might make persons depressed/anxious too. I don't wanna give people the fucked up depressed and anxious feelings I have.

[@pwn1ngw4ffl3s]

I know this comments a year old but I don't see this as a valid excuse. Mental illness is horrible. It can seriously mess someone up and I totally get that. However it is NOT a reason to hurt someone. If the relationship/friendship was abusive (mentally or physically) sure, ghosting is acceptable. Otherwise it is an extremely hurtful thing to do to someone and struggling with mental health is no good reason to mess someone else up, who might also be battling depression/anxiety and now those are acting up like 10x worse....hm, I might be projecting a bit here

[@WitchettyMan]

Nah. Your pathetic attempt at excusing it failed.

[@adox8574]

That's still a horribly selfish thing to do. You are far to focus on your own emotions to care about others. Having depression and anxiety isn't a accuse.

[@thunderbug]

The problem there is that by doing this you are literally passing on your pain. It's like a demon you pass the anxiety / depression on to that person and infect them with it too. Get therapy. DEAL WITH YOUR PAIN. Be mature. Be courageous. Besides. A text to say 'i'm sorry I can't do this any more'. It's really incredibly simple.

[@humphrey-7094]

I feel like technology has caused us to be too connected to too many people. We're so inundated with relationships, we could be ghosting someone without even noticing. We just don't have the time to address each and every person in this huge circle of friends and acquaintances, some of whom might think they're closer to you than you perceive them to be.

[@StarryNightxx]

Must be nice to have that many friends that you find it stressful lmao

[@unclecrusty1991]

Tighten your circle and get off the internet then. Because a person should only have a few close friends.

[@EvanMe]

I don't think you can ghost someone without realizing it. Ghosting requires an active refusal to respond. The other person tries repeatedly to contact you, and you ignore it. It's different from normal drifting away from friendships, which is passive, gradual, and generally mutual

[@billyosullivan4514]

We are connected to more people but we report being more lonely and having fewer close friends

[@meganruchwatercolors7186]

Absolutely! So true!

[@InvictusByz]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the "destiny" types also don't really do too well with relationships as a whole.

[@RialuCaos]

Yes, I imagine that they'd likely abandon ship at the first sign of trouble.

[@ceddynash5610]

Not to over-generalise... but typically I've found females compare their lives/relationships with characters, stories and celebrities more than males. Not that all guys are just content with reality and don't compare their lives to anything... But girls seem to over-analyse their lives much more, which can often lead to negativity and knee-jerk reactions to things.

[@hillarybillary21]

You guys do realize that envisioning the perfect partner is just a fancy explanation for a narcassist, right?

[@InvictusByz]

@@hillarybillary21 That's a pretty bold claim. It's just as likely that they got the idea that everyone has a perfect match out there from our society, and the way we romanticize the concept of love itself.

[@panhandlerchandler]

Have a good day anyone that's listening to this

[@Maru7en]

Thank you, this really relates to what I'm going through, some of the un-serious or ignorant comments kinda hurt when you know these people aren't dealing with anything traumatic, or can't relate to the topic, sucks to feel alone.

[@cerebrumexcrement]

i cant hear you.

[@jodinha4225]

Maruten L being ghosted can be just as traumatic as anything that would drive someone to ghost. It leaves the person getting ghosted wonder what they did wrong, as ghosting has become something people do at the slightest sign of problems in a relationship.

[@gigantkranion]

... and screw everyone else who does this...

[@panhandlerchandler]

@@gigantkranion does wat

[@GW-gz8jh]

There’s a lot of people on here confusing going no contact with an abusive partner with simple dating ghosting. Ghosting happens when someone isn’t mature enough to handle the discomfort of ending a relationship. Has nothing to do with escaping an abusive partner. That’s no contact.

[@bjornviitala2435]

Exactly. Also a lot of the ghosting is done by Covert Narcissists and people with other Cluster B type Personalities. Not someone is emotionally mature enough to give you any closure as to how it's affecting you.

[@Stormcloakvictory]

@@bjornviitala2435 exactly!

[@mmodnao]

As an adult, if you feel ghosting is an acceptable way to end any kind of relationship, it means you stopped evolving mentally and emotionally during high school.

[@s.ewasiuk7715]

Ghosting is cowardly unless you feel your safety will be threatened.

[@ThatChainmecha]

Nah not really, last people I ghosted was a "friend" group, but they were all assholes and selfish. So no, some people don't deserve a respectful leave

[@InciniumVGC]

@@ThatChainmecha That's different from ghosting in a long term romantic relationship, think about the psychological impact it has on some random group of "friends" vs someone you've been involved with for years.

[@LDuke-pc7kq]

100% agree

[@InciniumVGC]

@C Truth It's still cowardly. Having low self esteem may explain doing dickish things but it doesn't excuse it.

[@dichael5275]

i got threatenned. thats qhy ighosted my llive in parrner.well done

[@Disqualified_Identity]

Ghosting is terrible. Period. Not much of a subject for debate. When somebody loves you and you claim to love them, you can’t just disappear without saying a word. If you choose to do that, it means you were lying to them about loving them and/or you are incapable of being in an adult relationship. Try caring about the feelings of others. A minor inconvenience for you could mean the world to someone else...

[@sunnysmiles8211]

Ghosting is typically done by people who are already avoidant. They don’t like conflict and it’s just easier to slip away unannounced. They also think it will allow them to slip back in easily should they have a change of heart or an opportunity comes up, since there wasn’t a big fight at the end. In my opinion it is cowardly and doesn’t allow for any closure or honest communication about what went wrong. It’s a cowards way out. If a person is going to do that, they certainly were not worth your time at all.

[@devonharmon2245]

The worst is when things are going really good and you seem to be getting along really well and then bam, they block you out of nowhere

[@emilysingh3824]

My experience with breaking up is they just gaslight and end with tons of insults to you cause toxic people don’t believe they are toxic they think there is something wrong with everyone else. I just ghost people. Don’t have time to go through a list of toxic traits with people. It just makes them angry or hurts there feelings and lots of people never learn, they would rather just die alone.

[@loriwhitbord9860]

What happened to basic courtesy, or respectful kindness. Ghosting can also contribute to unwanted pursuit.

[@odonata9838]

Ghosting displays a lack of empathy. A lack of empathy is a sign of certain personality disorders. Either don't date or don't ghost.

[@the-jedi-ninja]

My best friend ghosted me. 10 years of friendship. Just gone. I still have no idea why. How anyone can think that is acceptable, I will never know.

[@lisa9867]

I had the same thing happen to me. We lived about an hour apart and then I had to move for a new job so we were now 2 hours apart. Still plenty of places in the middle to meet and get together. She sent me a Christmas card that she made by hand. I sent her one back saying how nice her card was and I wish I had her talent. I texted, emailed and even called trying to get together after that. Nothing. It's been about 4 years now. We used to like to ride/hike some of the same trails so I could run into her one day. Not sure if she would acknowledge me or how I would react if she did.

[@anoukc6928]

Same thing here. She was my friend for more than 15 years

[@badgalirri]

@@lisa9867 I would love to run into my ghoster! and ask "WHY DID YOU GHOST ME?" right to their face. Then they surely cant ghost me, but must explain me at last.

[@mehdux]

she probably dead

[@lisaschmidt8466]

@@badgalirri I was able to ask my best friend ghoster and her reply was I interrupted her too much and she was busy.

[@jamielynnlano]

Any employer that treats you as a robot and not as a human, or pays you less than you need for a good life, deserves to be ghosted. Don’t give them your loyalty or time of day.

[@ThatChainmecha]

Yep respect is mutual

[@troodon1096]

My employer only cares about me as a source of labor. That doesn't bother me at all, because I only care about them as a source of income. That's the beauty of at-will employment; if either of us becomes unsatisfied with this arrangement, we can end it at any time.

[@RialuCaos]

Exactly. Any company that treats you like a resource to be exploited to the maximum extent possible (which is actually most companies) does not deserve any loyalty.

[@caragarcia2307]

If it's a temporary position it's not expected for the person to give notice. It's best to call and let them know as it's best not to burn bridges if you don't have to. I am sure sometimes best just to leave and never see them again.

[@Yahriel]

on one hand, true. On the other, when you ghost an employer, you're also making things harder for your coworkers - maybe some of whom you are (or soon, were) friends with. They've gotta work harder to make up for your absence, and meanwhile no one really knows if you're just really late, had an emergency, or just didn't want to come in anymore, so it's hard to plan - DO you need to call in an extra person? Does someone who had planned to get out early to pick up their kid now have to work late to cover for you and make other arrangements for their kid? If you don't give a crap about your employer, fine, but think about your coworkers, people who are in the same boat as you.

[@jodinha4225]

Relationships are something I wish were studied more. IMO they’re the most important part of life yet they’re still pretty mysterious. I also wish schools taught the science of relationships instead of what I got which boils down to “if you are perfectly content with it, leave”, which no doubt encourages ghosting and other emotionally harmful habits.

[@dodododododododo8216]

I wish schools teach more about psychology (including attachment issues of childhood and adulthood, anxiety, depression et cetera). These can help a lot

[@jodinha4225]

do do do do Dodododo I think schools should also teach critical thinking better and maybe have a onetime class to clear away the pseudoscience people are tricked into believing like alternative medicine and astrology.

[@motomoto7342]

School educate you to become a factory worker

[@zhchee7734]

One of my close friends ghosted me for no reason at all, and I sometimes still see them from time to time, but they don't even try to initiate a conversation. I have to be the one to do that, and it's super awkward. I had such a hard time even looking their way, because it's so painful to realize that I had been ghosted by someone I enjoyed spending time with and trusted, for the most part. To anyone reading this, don't ghost someone, please. Don't make someone hurt because of your actions. Talk to them face to face and tell them what you really feel. Trust me - it'll be a win win situation for both sides. At least your message will be loud and clear and official, not hanging in the air forever.

[@awad7391]

proper closure is always best, and it shows a mutual respect.

[@LordBaktor]

Unless for safety reasons, like getting away from someone physically abusive, I consider ghosting childish, cowardly, lazy and mostly selfish. The only thing that has puzzled me the few times I've been ghosted is "if they are this low of a person, what did I see in them at the start?".

[@margomazzeo1680]

Exactly put..I agree..

[@Pieruh]

Because people hide what they are, in the beginning

[@LordBaktor]

@@Pieruh I call it the one year mask off theory. Unless you are dealing with a sociopath, most people are not able to keep up a perfect deception for longer than a year. After the one year anniversary, if the person was putting up a front, the mask starts cracking and slipping off. In my experience at least.

[@aa-xi8bc]

I am next level. I ghosted my ex-therapist

[@ktktktktktkt]

Very common. Its usually avoidance.

[@FranzMOesig]

:D I ghosted my psychologist, because she was abusive

[@danahubelova3512]

holy hell me too

[@FranzMOesig]

@@danahubelova3512 There are many really bad therapists out there!

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

Ghosted by my own therapist that I didn't leave alone until she gave me an explanation (that she never did eventually) about the forced closure she imposed on me as she was supposedly treating me for PTSD related to sexual trauma. One of the most violent experience ever, I used to like her and afterwards it was just pain and resentment. But still the fact that she will never face consequences and never know the brutality of what I've been through since is a reality I'm unable to accept

[@kristingallo2158]

A guy tried to ghost me and pick me back up, narcs do this. I let him come back, run his game then turned around blocked him and pissed him all the way off. I figured out the game and beat him at it. Know your worth!!!

[@SailorOrbit]

EmployERS are the ones who completely ghost potential employees. It's quite rude.

[@zacharylewis7702]

I have had friends ghost me because they could not handle me being honest with them. At first getting ghosted hurts but then you realize the term ghost also pertains to a lack of substance in terms of character. People ghost others because they cannot handle situations like mature adults.

[@TheWolfPreys]

It's worse when things seem to be going great, you proclaim your affection and love to someone daily, they seem happy and reciprocating, then they ghost you. Not that it's happened to me 3 times or anything, *not that I have lasting trust issues now, no that'd be silly.*

[@theblitz1687]

3 seems too much, maybe your just falling too fast for girls and they are just the kind of people that are bored and having fun playing house.

[@TheWolfPreys]

@@theblitz1687 They were relationships, which I never initiated. Maybe I'm just unlucky

[@reesedaniel5835]

People that do that are FAKE. You are better off without them.

[@jacobdriscoll8276]

Ghosting an employer is Fair Play as long as you are an "at-will employee." That's what they signed up for! Ghosting an abuser is OK, too. But ya'll need to Do The Work in a relationship. Ghosting because "it wasn't meant to be" is lazy.

[@amykay3813]

So if I don't show up to work one day with no contact, my employer better call someone from my emergency list because I am probably 1. completely incapacitated 2. held hostage or kidnapped, or 3. dead. If it is one of the first two, I hope they send the police for a welfare check because it might save my life. Not quitting is a shitty thing to do. I mean, at least send an email.

[@jacobdriscoll8276]

@@amykay3813 At-will employees can be fired with out notice. It's only fair for you to do the same to them, if it suits you to do so.

[@jlaux7]

I can understand most of ghosting - either out of safety, or just simply didn't click. The ones I don't understand are where they're clearly into you, things are going well, and then you get ghosted out of nowhere. There's no logical explanation for it. That bothers the hell out of me.

[@aristark559]

same here. i think, they were into you, for this specific moment - but later, not enough. and the moment they realize it for themselve, they see what damage they have done, and then they run.

[@Anasvet28]

My best friend for the last five years ghosted me earlier this year, we were just normal and suddenly one day he blocked me, unfriended me on FB and didn't answer any of my calls or text. I've seen him a couple times at University and he looks somewhere else and doesn't acknowledges me. It's been thought honestly, I found it really hard move on because I didn't know what happen. It's unfair, I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything. So if you're a ghoster, be a little bit more empathic (unless of course you're in danger or you've tried everything else and you're trapped in a toxic circle) and at least give a short reason of why you're moving apart. This guy was my best friend since I was 18. :/

[@nattygsbord]

I am sorry for what happened to you. He clearly didn't deserve your friendship.

[@badgalirri]

so messed up! happened to me too and it's just so evil...... I really dont understand

[@lukemickle5238]

I have seen this happen before I obviously don't know you but every case I have seen is because the guy best friend has feelings for the girl bf and she doesn't want anything to do with that and the guy can't handle it

[@Anasvet28]

@@lukemickle5238 oh man, it's been two years since this comment. That's a possibility, but it's unlikely since we were both in committed relationships at the time. To this day I still don't know what happened and it still hurts sometimes.

[@lukemickle5238]

@@Anasvet28 I'm so sorry that really sucks ❤

[@TragoudistrosMPH]

The destiny/growth mentality was fascinating; I had never thought of that. Population density is an interesting variable, because I've noticed in metropolitan areas, people seem more likely to treat new people as disposable, than in suburban areas. I wonder if that would play out statistically?

[@Xanthelei]

@Kissa Kala Having spent most of my life in a very rural area (lived in a valley with 5 "neighbors" all on acreage), I'm in a weird agree/disagree spot with this. No one ever ghosted anyone else, and we were close knit in the sense that if we needed help, our neighbors would generally try to help if they could and vice versa, but at the same time we could go literal months between interactions with those neighbors, even though 4 of the families lived off the same private road we did and we could see two of those families' houses from our living room. I think in rural areas it's more complex than just "disposable vs not" or "shallow vs deep" interactions. I feel like, at least in my area, going long periods of time without talking was the expected norm, so "ghosting" just wasn't even on the radar as a possibility. It didn't matter how long you "ghosted" a neighbor - they'd never know it was happening unless they actually needed something, and with official help a half hour minimum away, not helping if you could - or not being available should help be needed in an emergency - was never an allowed option. Mind, this is only my observations from my area, so it could be very different in other areas of the world. It did hold through three families moving in/out of the properties and for the better part of 25 years, though. Maybe because it was already the prevailing "way to do things" the desire to fit in just had the new people sliding into that same mindset?

[@troodon1096]

"Destiny/growth" mentality is a mental illness. Pure and simple. It's a delusion created by people that are afraid of the responsibility that free will imposes and just hope there's a script for their lives somewhere. Sorry, it's all improv.

[@MyMessyMind]

As someone whos ghosted a good bit (i am trying to stop) my main reason for it was avoiding conflict and unnecessary hurt. I realize now the hurt comes regardless when you ignore someone but my perspective was that, if i have to tell you why i dont want to be your friend it'll have to be a good enough reason. And simply saying, i just dont want to sometimes isnt enough, ill have to say why i dont like you and i thought it was bad enough ending the relationship let alone insulting you for it. I know now this is a cowardly move, and now having no friends is my price to pay.

[@badgalirri]

yeah i mean wtf rather tell someone "i dont think our friendship is working out" and then give an honest reason "i just dont feel like it, i promise you its nothing about you, its me" or "its our political differences, i cant handle them". This way the other person can know what it is about them (or not about them) that makes you not wanna be in touch with them. If you dont give closure, the victim of ghosting will reflect on all the flaws they think they could possibly have, and think "its because of this, of that, i am unlikeable" etc. the worst is not knowing!

[@abr3703]

Tbh ghosting is one of the worst ways to end relationships and friendships. As someone who has been ghosted and actually done it myself I can say that its awful. Especially when you actually thought things were going great.

[@ivygholden]

Ive both been ghosted and ghosted people, i'm not proud of ghosting people. Depression and anxiety has made disappearing seem like an easy out to me. It's behavior i don't like in myself and i'm actively working on changing that.

[@brwneyedgrl2301]

A depressed and a person with anxiety can send a "this is not working out text" and block that person.

[@Stormcloakvictory]

Ghosting can make someone depressed/anxious in the future, be careful.

[@Bloop.62]

Ghosting is cruel. It totally leaves the other person in the dark about what the hell happened! It’s a way for a thousand thoughts to cross your mind centering around what you did or said that was wrong. Worst mind game ever!

[@DanielSelk]

People may say I was "wrong" for ghosting my best friend but I had confronted this problem several times over the last decade and it always came back to becoming friends again (and it had to be back to friends immediately and trust him 100% for him otherwise I'd never hear the end of his guilting me till I finally took him back) and the hurtful situation would happen again eventually. I felt after this last time he hurt me he didn't deserve a confrontation this time cause it wouldn't do any good, it wasn't getting to his head, and I had enough and I am NOT going through this again. NEVER again. And I've confronted him SEVEN times over the last decade over this. And our life will not be any different. The last two years we barely even saw each other (when we had definite opportunity to do so with the shut down) or did anything with each other and when we did it wasn't big or anything. Just a catch up and that's it. I've outgrown him and changed and he's still the same person he was a decade ago and probably expect the same me of 10 years ago. With that said if another person does this to me of course I'm confronting him as I should. But THIS situation I had to ghost cause if I didn't it wasn't going to stop and he wouldn't realize how much this was taking a mental heartbreaking toll on me every time it happened. He's out of my life. NEVER again.

[@Brickinasock]

How diplomatic. Ignoring someone is a form of abuse. Ghosting is abusive.

[@Achilles94627]

It's got nothing to do with whether you're a 'destiny believer' or 'growth believer': it's simply about being a decent person. Just cutting contact with someone who you've been in a close relationship/friendship with, without any explanation or discussion, is seriously screwed up. It's symptomatic of a serious personality disorder and/or evidence of a very troubled childhood. We shouldn't just brush it off as "Oh, we're all different and that's just the way some people handle things". No. It is a serious personality defect and should be viewed as such. I could never live with myself if I ghosted somebody - the guilt I would feel would be unbearable. People who ghost seem to lack that conscience or that empathy for other people. It takes 30 seconds to write somebody a text, "Hey, I think you're a great person and I like you a lot, but I don't feel like it's working. But I wish you all the best. God bless". And Send. Done. So easy. You've been open and honest and your conscience is clear. I don't think we should be angry with ghosters - we should just pity them. They're clearly fighting demons we know nothing about.

[@khalidbayati4122]

True

[@ASMR-XI-ZUI]

If a person has mental illness that can make it very difficult to maintain any kind of relationship. When a person is depressed they become withdrawn and avoid ppl bcoz they r dealing with so much emotional turmoil.

[@God.sDaughter]

Thank you for mentioning how long it takes to text someone. But again if that someone is special then a person will always find time to respond back. Again it depends on how that other person views you. As special or a waste of time. In my case I guess Is as just a piece of trash that he needed to dispose off. It hurts so bad. And he work 3!minutes away from. Couldn’t give closure or nothing, I got disposed like that by him ghosting.

[@Juuxr]

You totally nailed it

[@thunderbug]

@@God.sDaughter But remember HE is the ghost. Not you. He's empty and dead inside. I actually think the 'demon' analogy is more apt than people realize. In some cases ghosting is THE most likely way to cause long term pain from ending a relationship. It could literally be a demonic spirit - and a purposeful attempt to cause damage for no reason. Don't let the 'ghost' rub off.

[@TheJiamy]

One of the most painful endings I’ve experienced was when my best friend assured me everything was fine, only to ghost me on all platforms

[@TheJiamy]

@Choo Choo wdym

[@NewMessage]

Now I feel bad about ghosting that psychic medium.

[@TheCimbrianBull]

ROFL! 🤣 😂 😅

[@AleQuag]

You avi makes me anxious

[@ashe5704]

My motto is "If you cause problems, bye forever" and I'll happily ghost them. I've ghosted many people who've done me wrong but can't see that for themselves.

[@davidjackson7281]

You are very wise.

[@aristark559]

yeah but some people ghost you when everything seems going well. - and then an explanation is necessary for the other person to move on. otherwise it can be traumatic

[@therapyfornerds6020]

This was an interesting conversation. I like how you mentioned that it is not a new behavior. It just wasn’t as talked about because losing touch with people was easier to do in the past.

[@manusauream8800]

Recently got ghosted. Although it was just a friend and not a romantic partner, it hurts a lot. I lie awake at night wondering what I did wrong. 😞

[@joijorm]

God I know those sleepless nights:( Couldn't sleep properly year and a half. Did you ask this person what happened?

[@manusauream8800]

Joi Jorm I did but the person kept telling obvious lies that - so obvious because it was inconsistent. The person avoids eye contact and would change direction when we would meet in the hallway.

[@joijorm]

@@manusauream8800 it sucks. Listen, it will take you awhile but you have to stop looking for anwers and let it go. It's not easy but if you continue to searching for the answers it will screw you up more. Give this person space and time and soon or later you will get clarity on everything

[@jackielendel1530]

Joi Jorm Yeah you’re right it’s not easy to let go but we have to

[@D100O]

A friend I had known for over seven years started ghosting me a bit over 2.5 years ago. I still sometimes lie awake at night wondering why. (Even weirder because the last contact we had was them suggesting to meet up in the following week.)

[@abnormallynormal8823]

Unseelie I had a girlfriend ask to spend the night that night, then when it hit 7:30 and asked when she planned on coming over, she never responded. That was 3 months ago.

[@peterbanderas8184]

That's what happened to me as well. Someone who I considered a close friend, who I knew nearly his whole life and who was basicly adopted in to my family as a brother. Hell he practically saved me when my mom passed and I was about to lose my mind. Well he just up and vanished. We had recently had a couple of road trips and were making plans to hang out again when he just disappeared. At first I wasn't alarmed, because it had sort of happened before, he would not answer calls or respond to emails for a few weeks or months then show back up. No big deal, I am notoriously bad at responding, mostly because I get bust and forget so I don't worry when I don't get a fast response. But when I discovered he had blocked me on social media and blocked my phone number I knew something was wrong. I replayed all the events in the year up to that moment and thought about what went wrong, but couldn't find any answers. It hurt badly and sometimes I get depressed about things that are associated with him, like his birthday or even some places that we used to hang out. And while i lived a few blocks away from him, I avoided going to look for him. But since we lived so closr every once in a while I would bump in to his family, or mutual friends or stumble across some information about him, so I knew he was okay and since then he has become pretty successful (something I knew he would be). I did try and reach out to see if things have changed a few times over the years. But no, for whatever reason he has set his mind up. It hurts every so often, but I accept it. It's been almost 10 years and I still think about him on rare occasion and I always tell stories about the stuff we used to do, mostly because we did a lot of stuff together... Lol! When you get ghosted by someone you care about, it is difficult, but you can't carry the weight of the loss on your shoulders, because it won't change anything and the only person with the answers will never give them to you. It's beter to remember the good times , and move forward. Don't get bogged down with "what if's". Don't think it's necessarily something that you did or could change, that kind of thinking will make you second guess yourself in future relationships, and that's not healthy.

[@Saturinus]

@@peterbanderas8184 Did you ever try to ask his family about it?

[@peterbanderas8184]

@@Saturinus I considered it, but I decided against it. Firstly, one of the reasons why our relationship was so close is because his relationship with parents was so strained. I won't go in to a lot of details, but let me explain that it was the 90's and at the time a lot of parents relied heavily on medicinal parenting than actual parenting. My friend had some behavioral issues, and with each issue the doctors prescribed new pills. I remember clearly one point where his body was bloated with water retention (he is a really skinny guy and it looked like he had gained 50 lbs over night) and he became lethargic from a bad reaction to some new pills the doctor prescribed. It was almost like his family treated him like he was broken. He shared that feeling with me alot. He most certainly was not broken, infact he is a very bright, funny and creative guy, he used to carry a note book.in his back pocket and when he was bored he would design circuits and mods for various electric devices (his console controler with built in air cooled cup holder actually worked well, although impractical lol). He could go in to fits of rage and become quite destructive, but as he moved away from meds and got older he got those impulses under control (to this day I firmly believe they confused rambunctiousness with ADHD). And while it also seems his parents realized that the medications were a bad idea and the relationship between them improved, he never took them in to his confidence and I know he would not appreciate me using them as a go between. Secondly, my friend must have had his reasons, no I don't understand or know those reasons, but they are still his reasons. As funny as it sounds, our relationship was built off trust and I have to trust that he had good reasons. Doesn't mean I have to like those reasons, but I trust him, so I have to respect that he made the right decision for himself. Adding outside influence would not be a sign of trust. I would ask them about how he was doing or ask them to say hi for me, but I decided that I could/would not use his family as a way to change his mind or reconnect. So tldr: no. Lol

[@Saturinus]

@@peterbanderas8184 OK, thanks for the answer. I just don't understand how you can be so accepting of him ghosting you. I just get so bitter when people do that to me.

[@test1test219]

It’s not just the lack of closure. Worst, it’s the time lapse and not knowing when, if ever, that person will message/call again and the hope they will.

[@jiyaa444]

There's another kind of ghosting that I have been through: It's when a person responds and texts you often and you think everything is going perfect but in a social situation, the person seems to not even notice you there and continue talking to their own friends or completely disregard your attempt to start a conversation in every way. Online ghosting has been talked about a lot but real life ghosting should get more limelight. If this happens to you, please BLOCK that person and let them talk to you offline. They will be talking to you online and ignoring you in person so you have to avoid that under any circumstances. So block, and see how they come up starting a conversation with you and PLEASE DON'T THINK THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Mostly these people are narcissists and you deserve better so don't beat yourself up, you deserve better. A lot better.