What's It Like Being An Enneagram 5 FIVE Female?

[@oonaghmolyneux7760]

Books do a terrible job of describing 5s (genius, hermit, minimalist). I attended E panels where 5s appeared confident, strong, energetic, opinionated, dynamic and vocal. They took up space. In contrast, the 6 panel were so quiet, unassuming, even dull (which I feel is how books mistakenly describe 5s). 5s are risk takers (once they’ve deeply learned what they focused on). 6s are not risk takers. Both can be highly intelligent, but there’s a huge difference. 5s innovate with it.

[@HighFiveFriend]

I love this!!! Yes!!!!!!! A healthy 5 is a force 💯. Thanks for your comment and glad you are here! Sandy

[@darthlaurel]

My mother told me I was cold when I was 14, standing by my beloved grandmother's open coffin, thinking about how much I loved her but how glad I was that she had died the night before she was going to have her second leg amputated. I wasn't crying and my mother was. She, who had always seemed to hate my grandmother. After that I lost all respect for her because she was a hypocrite and would choose her own false emotions over trying to understand those of her own child. Hissing in my ear that I had always been cold in a moment when I was grieving for my grandmother, who had been the only real loving mother I had, was something I never forgot. I feel alone in groups. Very awkward and uncomfortable, even inside my own rather large family. I watch and listen. I don't engage much and people don't always engage with me, even in my family. Sometimes this gives me a moment of rather intense emotion, but I just tell myself that it is self-pity and I try not to indulge it. I'm also an INTJ. I much prefer talking to men and the women friends that I connect with, for the most part, do not like women in general. I don't know if I know another 5 although I do know other INTJ women. I've been told that I am intimidating. This came as a surprise to me. I don't intend to be.

[@This_Holy_Chaos]

Hugs. I’m an INTP type 5 and I very much understand. Part of my strengths as a 5 has actually been “studying” people so I’ve learned to open up more intentionally than I used to in my younger years. I’ve been told many the same things, so now I work to smile and engage others, showing outwardly the warmth I feel for them inwardly. It’s not a “show” or falsity, and it comes more naturally now than when I first started, but it’s taken a lot of intentional work to express what goes on inside of me and work to bring it up to the surface, rather than sit down dee with it all within myself. I’ve learned that these are the best parts of me that actually inspire and strengthen others as well. You are not broken, or bad. Uniquely made in the image of God. And those great struggles will give way to your great strengths. Keep growing ❤️

[@em-qd7wp]

thanks for sharing this. i remember when grandfather died, and i remember just not being able to express or hold the sadness that other people felt. i felt like i barely knew him, yet so many people who knew just as much as i did seemed so much more touched. i think i cried a little at the funeral, but it was only a few tears. my sister next to me however, was crying so loud you could’ve heard her down the street. i’ll never understand the ability to be vulnerable like that in an open space without feeling so exposed. i can cry by myself, but it only happens after being built up over time and i can’t choke it back anymore. i have a hard time finding friends because i hate vulnerability and avoid situations that will make me sad or angry or afraid because i don’t want others to see me like that. so when people meet me, all they get is stoic. i’ve been told my whole life i’m intimidating or i seem like a bitch, and maybe i am sometimes, but i do believe i’m a deeply caring person, it’s just hard for me to be caring unless i’m afraid others will see me as cold or characterize me as a bad person.

[@darthlaurel]

@@em-qd7wp Yes. I believe that I understand what you are saying and how you feel. I might be quite a bit older than you are, so I don't really care how people view me very much any more. I try to be kind to people, and polite. I feel pretty misunderstood by most people but I bet a lot of people feel that way so I really do try not to engage in self-pity, or at least recognize it for what it is when I experience it.

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

I’m so sorry, I suffered from this even with a good family in which I’m quite open in it and I can’t imagine how hard would it be without it, so I’m very sorry for this.

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

@@em-qd7wp I do this too and I’m sorry to hear the same struggles from another person, anyway I understand the thing of not knowing your grandpa because mine died when I was 11 and in this pre-teen age I didn’t connect truthfully with anyone and I had really short memory (but I think it relates more on the INTJ spectrum: Si demon and Fe trickster). Also, I didn’t cry at any funerals (at one I saw a person with a hand on his belly and my mum told me “he cried too much so now his belly hurts” and I said to her “I didn’t at all, I’m so insensitive” and started cry a few tears)

[@RBFSmurf]

I’m a female 5w6. I’ve been told that I come off as “too quiet,” “snobbish,” “stuck-up,” and “shy” because I tend to hang back and observe. My natural RBF doesn’t help either. I’ve also rubbed people the wrong way at times because I have a problem-solving approach as opposed to a “cry on my shoulder and I’ll cry with you” approach, I don’t open up easily, and I have a very dry sense of humor. I relate to the woman you read about who said she’s a Christian, but isn’t a natural “compassionate helper.” Like her, my husband has also said that I “think like a man.”

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi Kylene! So glad you and here and thanks for you comment. Love the “very dry sense of humor”! 🙌

[@izi.z2384]

Yikes! 😬.. growing pains

[@ruchikapatil1581]

I'm a 5w6 too and you just described me!

[@dixielou4002]

Female 5 here, this perfectly describes me!

[@nnikkiiii]

Type 5 storytime: I was at the airport terminal waiting for my flight when a young guy came and sat beside me and had the audacity to take out my headphone and put it in his own ear. I was 18 at the time and was completely horrified, as any girl would be, let alone a type 5 who just wanted to listen to music alone in peace. The guy then asked me where i was travelling to and tried to make small talk (which as a 5 is nightmare inducing) and then when i asked the same in return (to be polite) he told me, looking very downcast and sad, he was on his was to his grandfathers funeral in other state. I laughed. Not an in your face “haha” but an ugly snort in absolute disbelief at the sheer awkwardness of the whole scenario. Some people might say 5’s are rude, I say we just don’t care about social niceties and would rather spend our energy having meaningful conversations with the people we care about than trying to appease strangers with small talk. If you invade the bubble of a 5 without permission, you might not like what you find..

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌. Welcome Nikki! So glad you have found us! Laughing at awkwardness 💯 😆. Thanks for your comment!

[@Hale8R]

Omg 😂that was painfully funny 😓

[@finallyfree2BMe]

Exactly! I remember so many times where guys would just come and sit at my table when clearly I was studying. I would get so angry like no you can't sit with me sir I am busy in my own little world sir and I have no time for you to come hit on me or whatever of is you are here to do. I got so tired of people asking my major because they noticed I was always in full research mode. I wasn't even in school I was researching things that interested me and studying because I wanted to not because I was taking a class!

[@cobiemusic]

I am a Infp 5, go figure. I love reading and gaining knowledge, even though I am a feeler. I seem to fit in, rather well, but feel lonely due to having a vastly different frame of reference than most of my peers. I don't do small talk. Love to all 5's out there.

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Hi! So glad you have found us!! Love the “f”!!

[@tami2595]

Infp 5w4 here also

[@ainelael]

I’m a 5 INFP too!!! 😁 hi friend 🤍

[@madelinerains5295]

me too. I am very emotional. It took a long time, and an expert in the school I was in studying Enneagram, to finally settle in 5.

[@serenereader]

INFP 5w6 here🙋‍♀

[@SaraAdamsPoodleROO]

I’m a 5 with a strong 4 wing so I’m a little more outwardly wam, however, I relate to a lot of what you are saying. Most importantly, I love strong 5s just how you are. My favorite type of people! You can come sit by me and call it like it is all day long.🤓

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Love it!! So glad you are here!

[@ദ്ദി̀́-മ5മ]

im a 5w4 too, i loved to read this

[@lezlipolm8229]

5w4 here too! Agree with all you said.

[@jesusdisciple8571]

As an enneagram 5, this felt rude. I'm not cold or hard to connect with because I have learned to observe conversation which is at the core of a five. I may be stuck in my head but no one needs to know about mantis shrimp or the theories of the Ancient Alexandria Library even if I want to talk about it. I know the rules of speech, it's not fun for me to pursue small talk, but I do. When I'm in social situations, I need to cool down and reload my social battery--WHICH IS OK. Understanding is ok too, not 'cold', it's grief or panic.

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ ❤️. Love your comment!!! Certainly not intended rude but point well taken! Perhaps a different titling? These are the top 3 challenges shared by a large sampling of female 5s, but I hope you check out the “superpowers” video 💪! On another note, I would LOVE to connect further with you and we could compare some thoughts and notes. 🙌 You nailed it and I completely agree. Many of the ‘challenges’ can be ‘overcome’ with strategies, awareness and growth. My contact info is on the “about” page and I hope you reach out. Thanks so much for your comment and glad you are here!!!!! Sandy

[@rainydaze4409]

*raises hand I want to know about mantis shrimp

[@m00nwalker32]

I think she meant we can appear cold outwardly to others,depending on if we don’t do things or actions to make us appear otherwise. For example A few people see me as cold and withdrawn Which is true I tend to be quite withdrawn in social spaces with lots of people Some would interpret that as cold and reserved which I understand. However with my friends It is slightly different although I struggle to connect with them too (I’m working on it) It’s a bit different because I wanna try Socialise a bit more. They wouldn’t describe me as cold but reserved and the classic "kind” But what I’m saying is I try to be seen slightly differently with them So they will see me differently and not cold

[@thissunchild]

Couldn't help it. Had to Google mantis shrimp 🦐 👀

[@sammelina12]

I know I’m super late but this comment cracked me up because just the other day I was talking to people about mantis shrimp 😂😭😭 maybe I just need more 5’s in my life ❤

[@the_antiquark]

I’m an INFJ 5w6 🦄 and, like many others, mistyped as INTJ initially.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Glad you figured it out! Welcome!

[@makingmistakeswithgreg]

I am a intp / enneagram 5 male. I have always felt I never fit in with most people, but since I am a male I have been fairly successful in avoiding a lot of negativity. I feel for you women because without a doubt many of you would be looked on far more negatively. I can totally related to the struggles 👍

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Hi Greg! So glad you have found us! Thanks for your comment, S

[@JWartsy]

I’m a 5w4, INFJ. Some have described me as cold. Here’s the thing. I have the ability to look at things from a detached perspective most times. It’s like taking a birds eye view and attaching the necessary emotions. Not all the time. In certain things I’m deeply emotional. But it’s hard to explain. But with time and experience I have learned (still learning) that energy is a resource. Being an introvert I get drained of mine easily. So I’m learning to choose wisely on what I place energy into. I’m also a creative, and most of my energy goes into that and my family life. So happy to see other 5w4 women and 5’s here. Personality and enneagram typing has helped me understand a lot about myself. I wish I knew this as a teenager/ young adult. Ok last thing, we live in an extroverts world. The extrovert personality and ideal is rewarded in society. It’s changing…but very very slowly. I’m glad to see platforms like this and hope for more acceptance for introverted types. 💫

[@HighFiveFriend]

Beautifully said ❤️. Would love if you'd be interested in joining me on an up and coming "5" panel - shoot me an email if you are interested or what to connect further! Sandy

[@PearlPaisley]

You are right about everything. Very wise words. I'm also an infj 5w4.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@PearlPaisley 👋 Welcome!!!

[@yanamclaughlin]

Same!!

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@yanamclaughlin 🙌

[@cachectin23]

I am a 5w4 sp/sx - tritype 584 and an INTP. I relate to this so much. I get called 'direct,' 'blunt' and 'dark' more so than I do 'cold.' I can't stand small-talk and use humor - many times to an obscene level to get out of the small talk trap. It is a way to filter people out of my life. I feel more like a dude than a woman in terms of interests and behaviors. I just cannot connect with many women because I don't really give a crap to talk about relationships.The last time I was with a group of women they talked about marriage, plastic surgery, and celebrities they thought were hot. I thought I was going to die.

[@HighFiveFriend]

This is awesome 👏 and so relatable! I’m so glad you have found us!!!!!

[@ദ്ദി̀́-മ5മ]

i have your exact same typology and i get called direct and blunt too, its relieving to hear i am not the only one like this tehe

[@cachectin23]

@@ദ്ദി̀́-മ5മ you are not alone. I always doubt my MBTI, so it’s comments like this that help reaffirm what I’ve always known.

[@sylviaowega3839]

That is exactly me, being a female INTP 5w4.

[@sylviaowega3839]

I’m a female INTP 5w4, and I constantly crave for truths, am very intellectually curious, and always crave deep intellectual conversations. People see me as a masculine woman and have had always a very difficult time connecting with most women. When I asked my mom as to why I had so few friends, she told me it was because I’m too blunt, aloof, am perceived as being socially awkward and do not appear friendly to people. I always have very low patience for small talk.

[@melisasanchez177]

INFJ 5 here. The hardest part for me is the exhaustion. I am only perceived as cold and rude when I’m in work group situations. That’s bc I want to get down to business and focus on executing the task at hand as best as possible. I’m a licensed therapist and when one on one w clients, I am a very warm observer and love using a combination of compassion and logic. Most INFJ therapist friends of mine are enneagram 2 and I find myself feeling like an oddball around them ha. I have compassion to help people but through the use of my mind. I do feel the suffering of others quite intensely. My friend group is my family and my boyfriend’s friends. I dnt have many interactions with others for there to be an opportunity for others to have an opinion of me. My guess is that if I did have a social life, most would think I am snobby or cold until they get to know me. A few months ago, I went to a party and sat by myself away from the group. I enjoyed watching the interactions without needing to be in the mix. The truth is, even if I was in the mix, I wouldn’t be saying anything anyway so it was more soothing to sit and watch. I know it appeared socially awkward that I chose that but didn’t mind. I’m good at communicating my thoughts so when asked about my odd behavior, I said I was enjoying watching everyone smile and seeing the connection. Bc I’m an INFJ, I can communicate very warmly and genuinely. I loved being detached while absorbing the friendly energy that was happening at the party. I also enjoy teaching and sometimes with teach a class at my local university. But the exhaustion that comes with being a 5 is challenging at times. It slows me down with what I want to excel at.

[@HighFiveFriend]

What a great combination of compassion and knowledge! ❤️. I have a female “5” friend of mine who is also a therapist. She said she enjoys it but it takes a lot out of her. She is also a mom of 1 and is expecting again. Thank you for contributing to our community and conversation! Sandy

[@sonnystephens3753]

INFJ 5w4 here. Married to an ENTJ 8. We couldn’t be more opposite. I spent 25 yrs trying to “be more like him” till I discovered the personality typing. It’s been a relief to know I’m not broken just because I don’t operate the way he does. It’s been great to stop tying to force my square peg into the triangle shaped hole-if that makes sense.

[@HighFiveFriend]

100%! 😊. Welcome, and thanks for your comment! I am so glad you are here, S

[@lynnettegort4582]

INTJ & type 5 woman. I’ve only ever met 1 other INTJ woman. We clicked. I‘ve always been emotional. As a kid, that looked like a lot of anger covering other emotions that I didn’t really process. I think now that I used anger to cover feelings of inadequacy. I felt crying was weak and rarely cried. As I’ve aged and matured and since I became a mom, I’ve really had to work on the emotions and communication. My default response is always research upon research to understand things and figure out the best plan. I think INTJ women and type 5 women are more misunderstood because the stereotype of both of those personalities is a man. Still working on that theory. I know I drive my mom nuts sometimes when she is coming to me with a relational problem and I cut to the chase without worrying about the emotions that others in the scenario would feel. She’ll sigh and say, that’s what your dad said. 🤣

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I love this!! So glad we have found each other and thank you for sharing your thoughts! 🙌. Sandy PS we are working on the same theory ;)

[@t.k.-s.4212]

I just took the test yesterday, and it assigned me to 5. Thank you for making this video. My Myers Briggs results change between INTJ-T and INTP-T. I work as a researcher in academia. I love research, but I really do not belong in academia AT ALL. Glad to see other women that are assigned to that type as well.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Glad it helped and great to have you here! Thanks for your comment!

[@t.k.-s.4212]

@@HighFiveFriend Thank you for responding as well! I wonder what you think about the validity of the applications of Enneagram theory in general? There is also some criticism on the empirics and replication cohesion associated with it. Many thanks in advance.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@t.k.-s.4212 Now that’s a deep 🐇 hole ;). I like to use it as a tool for introspection, growth and awareness. Others have used it to justify behavior and remain stagnant… Really everything can be picked apart into tiny pieces and one typically will find evidence that supports their position and/or will find what they are looking for. For me it was incredibly impactful… has helped strengthen relationships (external), personal growth and acceptance (internal) and, oh yeah, made quite a large portion of my life make sense. Your turn ;). 😃

[@t.k.-s.4212]

@@HighFiveFriend Indeed, I second with what you say. I can find myself in these descriptions of motivation and behavior and regardless of its scientific validity, I personally gain something from it. It's helpful to show me "I am not alone" and to better accept my ways of thinking and justifications. One example is my current career: I work in academia. Everyone tells me I am very gifted in this field and should pursue this career. Partially, I do belong, but partially I see how it harnesses my worst tendencies that make me unhappy. It magnifies my natural tendencies to isolate and just learn and collect data without real-world application. Academia also favors very nitty-gritty rigor that easily translates to how we talk and think in other aspects of our life. I see how this can easily disconnect me from people that are not academics and make me overall a more anal-retentive person. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@t.k.-s.4212. Thank you! So glad we have been connected and look forward to the possibilities. 😊

[@hannahmayhorn5466]

For me as an enneagram 5, I easily feel and express deep compassion and empathy toward others and their struggles and because of that come across a lot more soft and sweet in public than I really am at home, lol. Where I struggle with emotion most is that I often have no idea what my own emotions are on the inside, about myself or situations I'm experiencing. I am not good at intrapersonal emotion, rather mostly interpersonal. Among people I'm very comfortable with (such as my husband, mom, or siblings), I'm much more of a problem solver and love to help them see a more balanced perspective and learn how to solve the problems they are struggling with. My husband (enneagram type 1) is on the autism spectrum and we actually relate a lot even though I'm neurotypical, because we both love to research about our subjects of interest and spout random information about them to each other for hours at a time, lol. I also get overstimulated more easily than the average neurotypical person, so we can relate in that area as well, although his sensory sensitivities are more severe, of course. I grew up in a family of codependent enablers who struggle with boundaries, so I often get seen as hard/harsh because I have boundaries at a certain point that I don't let people cross and I stand up for myself about them. This happens with my in-laws, too. Growing up, I was 100% a loner and separated myself from my family a lot. I would shut myself in my room for hours and hours at a time to read and create. I adored science and english in high school, and my chemistry teacher told me I should become a chemist. I started caring a lot more about people and connecting through relationships as I got older. Now, I easily relate to others and connect with them in public, but others don't easily relate with me, and I don't think I have any close friends other than my husband. It even took him years to get to know me for real, lol. My MBTI type is INFJ according to the cognitive functions test (and the poorly accurate 16 personalities test too, but I prefer the cognitive functions to determine MBTI).

[@HighFiveFriend]

Beautiful! Love that you understand and appreciate yourself and those around you!!!

[@rachitasinha1268]

Hey I'm a fellow infj and ennegram 5.I can really relate with you.

[@mattblom3990]

I'd be interested to know what early dating was with your husband? Did it take many dates for you two to hug or have the first kiss? How did to express to him that you "liked" him romantically?

[@hannahmayhorn5466]

@@mattblom3990 So it took me a long time to decide on an enneagram type (I always score closely between 3, 5, and 9 on the official test) and I have now settled on type 3 and don’t believe I am a type 5 anymore, but I’ll answer this just in case it’s still helpful. My now husband (1w2) confessed feelings first, about six weeks after we started getting to know each other, but I was still getting over a painful breakup I hadn’t told him about yet. In response, I told him the truth - that I really enjoyed spending time with him and felt that we connected well, and I wanted to keep getting to know him, but wasn’t healed enough yet to develop feelings for another person. He respected that and after another month or so, he asked if I would consider being in a relationship with him. I still wasn’t sure if I had romantic feelings for him, but I knew I wanted to see where our relationship would go and not cut it off there so I said yes. A few months later I was most definitely in love. He said “I love you” first, but I accidentally let it slip that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him first. We waited until our wedding to have the first kiss (his idea), which was really refreshing after how my prior relationship had gone. The first hug was so, so awkward 😅. I didn’t offer a hug for a very long time and I think he could tell I wasn’t open to one and wasn’t going to try until I gave the go ahead. When I finally felt ready, at the end of one date I said out of nowhere, “Do you like hugs?” He said yes, so I said, “Well, you can give me a hug goodnight if you want.” It was a weird, super uncomfortable side hug, but we both laugh looking back on it.

[@mattblom3990]

@@hannahmayhorn5466 Thank you I appreciate you taking the time to write all of that out. Despite your husband being very different than myself (I'm a 7w8) and you now being a type 3, I still think there are some good points in your reply. Most importantly that just because their isn't immediate hugs or contact that doesn't mean the other person doesn't like you. I understand I'm definitely the touchy feely type so I go for hugs and a first kiss very quickly but I am respecting my current 5w4 interest's space. I paid for dinner and she said she'd handle it next time and also asked me where are the most convenient places to meet while still on our first date so...I'll take that as a good sign!

[@wendyshiflett7128]

INTJ 5 here. Always found it easier to connect with women one on one but once they get into groups I usually escape soon after, not being keen on the giggly gossipy discussions that often follow. When young I was called shy or stuck-up, though I didn't feel I was either, just content to be alone and often quiet in groups. My first job at 16 was in sales at a jeans store serving mostly men. There I learned the "art of smalltalk" and realized if I got others talking about the weather, events or themselves then they saw me as friendly and outgoing. I soon became adept at this, rattling on about life in general and most any topic. I still do this, finding it funny in an interesting way, as a tool to fit in without fully revealing who I am. And I am genuinely interested in people, dissecting their ideas, motivations and such, so these one-sided discussions serve multiple purposes. Men have often found me easy to be around at first, seeing my calm logical approach as "cool." Given time, though, these same men often call me cold, saying it's sometimes like they're with a man by the way I respond to things. I guess it doesn't help when I reply that they should stop acting like such a girl. (I most often only thought this but have said it a couple times in response to insults). So much for men's common "complaints" that they don't like the histrionics of women. I don't know if I've ever known another female 5 though I think I've known some male 5's.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Oooo - This is so insightful! And that you learned small talk so early, high five to you! 🙌🏽. I had to look up "histroinics" and now I'm completely fascinated lol. Thank you for such a great comment and I hope to have continued conversation! Sandy

[@jennerk6834]

I'm a type 5 INTJ too and would like to participate on your panel. I haven't been called cold, perhaps because I've been in science my whole career with plenty of 5s and 6s around. The adjective I don't relate to is "shy"- I'm reserved, not shy.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Sweet!!! Send me an email or text and I will get back with you asap :). kzbin.infoabout

[@jelmerskalleberg6987]

ENTP sexual/social 5 wing 4 male. Took me long time to understand and get the wiring on my mind. I am definitely hypersensitive on the inside, deeply scared of rejection, correlates with my tritype (528). Most of my life I live i a deep nostalgic fantasy land and explore and better understand where my emotions came from. When you meet me I can be extreme sociable, but always for short periods of time. Mental fixation of always planning forward, constant research and fear of being competent. But mostly not feeling grounded and over romantic view when I meet interesting people. Thank you for the amazing post, very interesting how other fives deal.

[@veyarain82]

Interesting to hear this. I’ve been told before that I couldn’t be a 5 specifically because I wasn’t a robot, which irritated me. Nothing says a 5 can’t be friendly, humorous, or playful if comfortable and with the energy, or that they don’t have a warm interior that people can earn. My natural, preferred state, though, /is/ just being very quiet, thinking about things, and not forming a lot of opinions (why would I if there’s no need?), and unfortunately people have responded badly to that (the words “boring,” “very quiet,” “doesn’t look like a lot of fun,” and “intimidating” spring to mind). I have noticed my friendliness fail if I don’t have the energy to keep up socially or am feeling overwhelmed, and in those cases I unfortunately probably do come off as cold, irritable, and/or aloof. Now’s just not the time-I need space to recharge. The Enneagram book I have suggested I was a 5 with a 6 wing strong enough it behaved more like a component than a wing, which I think fits. It can be tiring, though-in some ways the two synergize brilliantly, and in others they clash horribly.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Very well said, and completely relatable! I have a “5 superpowers” video that I would love to hear if resonates with you :). So glad you are here, and welcome!!!! 🙌 Sandy

[@izi.z2384]

How to explain this to people?

[@EveInTheMachine]

I am a 5w4 but my 4-wing is VERY high, and I think I have an unusual subtyping/variant combination for a Five as well (so/sx) so it's weird hearing these common answers, because most of the time I am not called cold, nor am I that terribly put off by family talk either. (Though I agree that if that's all you're going to talk about all of the time, then I'm going to start getting seriously bored and maybe a bit annoyed.) I am VERY emotional for a Five, but yes there are certain emotions I do struggle with emoting, especially the negative ones like anger, or frustration. In a fashion more typical for a five, I do often have pretty high social anxiety so I often hold back that in public as well, for the sake of having the human connections that I, as a so/sx actually very deeply desire. Fear however, is an an emotion I struggle with holding back. I have a VERY high fear response in certain scenarios, though I think that's pretty typical of a Five as we ARE one of the fear types.

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ The variants can make us look so different! I’m actually working on bringing in a guest RE that in the future. Your beautiful 4 wing brings a beautiful dynamic for you 😊 I love reading your comment, thank you! S

[@EveInTheMachine]

@@HighFiveFriend Aw, thanks! 😊 I'm glad you enjoyed my comment! Ooo I'm looking forward to that! The variants I didn't use to understand all that well until about a year ago, and I tell you when I finally got it it changed EVERYTHING.

[@iamdannita]

An other 5sex w4 here! I’m not emotional but I am very sensitive. I hate small talk and I don’t feel bad because I don’t fit in anywhere lol.. I really enjoy to be different. I’m a INFJ so I’m very good giving advices to people. I’m very deep in the way i see life and I can sense other people emotions and right away I know what they need to change to feel better.. Every time I can help or guide someone I do and I feel really good, but also I enjoy solitude a lot. I love nature, animals and peace.. Sometimes I look cold because I’m not emotional and I don’t talk to much but I do feel deeply and my way to show love is making sure everybody in my family is fine, taking care of things or protecting them. I don’t normally give my time to anybody only to my partner, but my family know I’m unconditional.

[@PearlPaisley]

Maybe you are an 5w4 infj like me. I could relate a lot with you and don't recognized the being cold thing at all.

[@abril4674]

@@iamdannita wow... I know someone like you... A 5, but pretty sensitive guy... Distant, but tender when he feels comfortable with you... Deeply caring of others sake... And deeply connected with family... Such a lovely person... Says a 4 who really cares about him... 🤗 So I guess you are also a lovely person! :) have a great day!

[@snaxolotl2.0]

Hello tribe! When You said "friends" ... I just laughed out loud. As a 5w4 I don't have "friends". Women aren't relatable and I prefer personal space, not groups. I enjoy male friendships but men are actually VERY emotional and think everything is sexual. I have a great NEED to think and plan, without interruption, before I can take action and the world doesn't like to allow uninterrupted. thoughg

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Hi! So glad you are here! There is a story behind the “High Five Friends” and it just might be time to make a video on it… Thanks for taking time to comment!

[@em-qd7wp]

i relate to this so much. it’s always been easier for me to just continue a conversation with a man, but as a lesbian, i also always get uncomfortable the second they make it something it’s not. it’s so hard for me to connect to people, and i constantly feel like i’m an awful friend cause i always need tons of space. even worse, i feel like i’d be an awful girlfriend if i ever got involved with someone, so i just don’t go after anybody. it’s so hard to get past the talking phase when you are so afraid of vulnerability and people perceive you as cold.

[@This_Holy_Chaos]

As a Christian, type5, INTP woman, I have gone through quite a lot of learning curves to unpack both cultural perceptions and limitations upon women, as well as seek to comprehend more fully a more accurate biblical model of implication. Within church circles it can be tricky because my greatest strengths and gifts are not as easily leaned into as a woman as they are for a man. I have 7 kids who I homeschool, and that has given me a great means for imparting the values I have, the lessons I’ve learned, make a significant and deep impact into the lives of others (which is my greatest desire). However, I often feel that this is “not enough”. Yet, constantly God expresses a sentiment that all of this growth and deep heart work I am doing within my the walls of my home is the foreground and foundation for eventual greater work outside of the home. I’ve had many difficult seasons that taught me hard lessons, like the importance of listening to my deep feelings and expressing them in order to work through conflict. Or that it is okay to not be able to do everything or be everything for others - this is why boundaries are imperative for healthy relationships, including with ourselves. But working on understanding myself more has only assisted me in better loving and extending empathy and grace towards others more effectively, which I suspect is the whole point in it all. It’s nice to “meet” other type 5 women. Grow forward ❤️

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Welcome Julie Ann! So glad you have found us!!! Your thoughts are so insightful and beautiful, thank you for sharing. Planned for Q1 of 2022 is a panel of Enneagram 5 women with 5+ kids, and I’m hoping you might be interested/open in participating 😊. I’m looking forward to the possibilities! Sandy

[@This_Holy_Chaos]

@@HighFiveFriend I’d love to help however I can!

[@BiebieOtto]

I am glad I came across your channel. As an ENFP, I need to take this into consideration when meeting someone of this personality type.

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ We are all working to better understand each other! Thanks for your comment! S

[@AlyssaAiriena]

I’m 5w6 and INTJ, I’ve never been called cold.

[@alanaATX]

Very enlightening. A good reminder to not so quickly (and often blindly) pass judgement on others and write people off.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Beautifully said ❤️. Thanks for your thoughts! S

[@steffanieculp6131]

I totally relate to much of what you are saying as an E5 woman. It was such a relief to find out that I did not have anything "wrong" with me when I learned the enneagram but that as an E5 woman I was more "unique" and that put many things into a new light.

[@HighFiveFriend]

👏 👏 👏 👏 ❤️ 💯 Yes and high five! Thanks for your comment!

[@DelightfulGem]

So happy to see many female 5s here 👋 For the longest time, i too feel i cannot fit in, and i give people the impression im very composed and chill when problems arise. At my job, people tell me i should smile more and express more warmth... I have no idea how to do just that. It's not natural to me at all.... I'm glad I'm not alone.

[@lorigonzalez4518]

Yes ! Intp 5 female 46 . I knew you were in the right track when I went to see if you sectioned and time stamp highlights . Hardest thing is sharing my energy in e wry way with others . Bonding is hard because I’m so preoccupied in my head always it’s easier on my own more enjoyable but it comes with an obvious awkwardness around others . Friends are ok but not needed or wanted . It’s only because I’ve never met anybody who actually can add balance to my life having a friend only as a waste of time I don’t enjoy Smalltalk or any of the bullshit they like no one is going to sit there and read a book to me or read it from a computer to me when I can just do it myself I like to go on long nature walks by myself I like to do introverted things like paint so having friends it never adds to my life they don’t pay my bills they don’t put food in my mouth or a roof over my head and they don’t invite in my brain or bring joy to me it’s an annoyance it’s like taking the long train ride to where you got to go when you have other people around you when you could just take the short way the fast way to easy way by go on yourself always

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi Lori!! You noticed the time stamps 😃 Energy for sure is a thing… it’s something that is a common thing many of us are working on. Any topics for video ideas that come to mind that would be interesting to you? Thanks for taking time to write such a thoughtful comment ❤️. Sandy

[@oonaghmolyneux7760]

I don’t get those negative descriptions at all from just meeting you. I get competence, know/how, can-do, in control, even warm vibes from you. I’ve seen great leadership energy in 5s too, and a wry sense of humour. If there was a problem, I would trust you to research/contemplate and fix it. Rapidly with no fuss. 5s rock!

[@袖時雨桜花-h5y]

INFP 5w4-ish 4w5-ish: This kind of reminded me suddenly when I was once in a friendship with a girl when I was in elementary school. The girl was basically the type of girl that values heavily on common sense and tradition and stuff, and also a controller. And if I did something that's even a slight thing against her common sense and stuff, I wouldalways made her mad and she will question me for hours... and hours, and hours... And she gets angry and all emotional (which cause me a lot of stress) when I'm usually just having fun and being my ownself, and I usually don't really know how to explain what's going on in my brain (especially under stress). I would actually be also questioning my action with her (not gonna show that though). So, everytime I was actually even able to make something out of myself, she somehow will still keep questioning me until I look like a complete weirdo, or I'm all wrong, or even perhaps stupid, or like I'm an alien. In the end, I would be like "can we just end this conversation and just have fun together?" and become an endless nodding machine to make it look like I agree with her in the outside when I'm actually thinking the complete opposite. So I've sooner or later learn to just suck up my feelings and thoughts (or perhaps shut them down) no matter how it's stressful listening to her or no matter how much she doesn't understand what I'm saying. She'd only been nice to me when she's questioning me, and every once in a while, I will get overwhelmed with question about my thoughts and when I start crying hard and start spilling my feelings when that happens. It's because I wasn't used to get my feelings pulled out myself and shown nude in public when I didn't really wanted to or when I wasn't all ready. Positive side is that I knew after that, I will not get along with anyone who's all traditional. Like......my grandmother 🙂

[@HighFiveFriend]

Oh my, that sounds very stressful and I’m sorry that would happen to you. I’m glad you were able to use that to have clarity for future relationships! Thanks for your comment!

[@DreamQuillRose]

INTP Type 5w6 female here. I see a lot myself in your taste and mannerisms. Light oak furniture with ROUNDED corners (safer and more aesthetic), long, straight, shiny hair, even the fact that you use paper despite having a computer right in front of you, lol. I even tend to speak with the same careful, measured tone of voice and correct myself often to be as accurate as possible when giving information :) And I noticed the Personality book placed where others would see it ;) I can be analytical around others and am often told I'm smart after just a few minutes of conversation with a stranger, but I don't tend to get the "you're cold" thing. Most likely, because I have a baby face and tend to dress in bright colors, so I seem much younger than I am, and because I have made a point to learn how to shift into "sociable mode" to project my awareness outside my mind in order to interact with others on a more empathetic level. It also helps that I had four younger siblings, which helped me learn to be empathetic as a teenager no matter how much I dug in my heels at times, haha! I tend to only have one friend at a time. So far, until my most current friend, every one of them has been mentally insecure/anxious/depressed, some to the point of needing meds. I seem to attract them because of how I try to treat everyone with respect and have acceptance of differences; also because I project self-confidence. One benefit of being an Enneagram Five that most don't realize we have compared to most other types is how comfortable we are with ourselves. Most other types need external validation from others. I do, too, of course, but not nearly to the extent that others seem to.

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌🏽 I love this - so glad you are here!!! And thanks for your comment ❤️. You caught me with the paper LOLOLOLOL.

[@zein9557]

you can tell that the comment section is most definitely, 100% all fives because of all the paragraphs 😭😂😂

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Noted and accurate! What a great observation!!!! 😂 😆

[@olyasorokina3780]

Is it odd for a type 5 not to be able to find oneself professionally for a long time? I feel so strongly like a 5 socially but when it comes to professional activity I would love nothing more than to be a geek/expert at something but when I try, I end up feeling incapable and incompetent even if I stick with the same thing for years and that wears me out emotionally. I end up with burnout rather than mastery. Could I be mistaken about being a type 5?

[@HighFiveFriend]

5's never know "enough". Mastery seems unattainable (even when a master!). Incapable and Incompetent are core fears. Very common for 9's to think they are 5's. And I've seen 1's as well. If you aren't sure, I look at 9 or 1. But if you always feel like you don't know "enough" that is very normal 5. Burnout could be a health thing and not an Enneagram thing. Just a thought. So glad you commented and excited you are here! Sandy

[@aprilrushing2646]

One of the more concise video on being an enneagram 5. Ty for putting together I related very much to how people responded to your question.

[@HighFiveFriend]

💖 Thank you for taking time to comment. Made my day! Sandy

[@Thelittleclipstore]

When I started learning about enneagram I couldn’t grasp why it kept saying 5s are aloof and cold , I was never called cold. But I didn’t realize that I had very few ppl i interacted with and those that are super close , I trust them and do open up fully , I’m also a 5w4 sx .. intp. but the more I read I realized that outsiders that see me, like neighbors or ppl in the street probably see me as cold but i never knew that.cuz we never spoke. Now I can see why cuz I don’t talk much or do eye contact for random ppl , I walk out and head my direction as if nobody exists around me. And also when I was between women at parties I was very well trained to fake and I had a fake smile on my face alll the freaken time and I’m working on removing that now.. It must be that at some point in early life I realized I gotta smile to fit in and be likeable but now since I’m aware I actually don’t mind being called cold. Cuz I’m confident and know that with my loved ones I’m very warm and when needed. I’m warm in my own way, even if it’s not always verbally , I like to write a lot about my feelings and my love language is touch. And I don’t have to always smile and be friendly to strangers if I’m not in mood. I would also rarely say no to joining a party until I started passing out more n more often and then felt forced to stop.. if only I knew years ago what was wrong and why all that was happening. I litterly had every other mental illnesses there is.. ranging from ocd, extreme social anxiety, panic attacks paranoia, illusions, suicidal thoughts, being underweight, constantly being physically sick.. personality systems litterly saved my life and now I’m learning how to diagnose and guide others , all that pain will hopefully turn into something useful for others ..

[@HighFiveFriend]

😍 Beautiful. Can't wait to see what is in your future and the lives you will change! So glad you are here and thank you for your comment, Sandy

[@franmarie7943]

My husband is a 5 and I have two female 5 friends whom I have known for many years so I feel that I know fives pretty well. The enneagram has helped me enormously in understanding them and I can appreciate both their strengths and "eccentricities". I would descrbe them as talented, industrious, highly organised, perceptive, inquiring with a variety of interests and skills. They enjoy their own company and prefer to organise outings and events on their terms and with people they know. They might appear quite serious sometimes but in fact they have a really quirky sense of humour which can have you in fits of laughter. They remind me of cats and I just love cats!

[@HighFiveFriend]

Love it! And I love that you see their best qualities :). Curious, what is your Enneagram? Thanks for your comment 😊

[@franmarie7943]

Number 1

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@franmarie7943 1 & 5 is a great combo! 🙌

[@willywonka6948]

I'm a 5w4 dude and I was just curious on what I had in common. I guess that I've realized that it's a lot more acceptable for a man to be cold than a woman. Personally, I've always viewed the whole, "being cold" thing as a compliment; there's something really powerful about it. The combination of honesty and intimidation and only caring about what is true is very valuable to me. Also, I kind of view overly warm people as unreliable in a sense... Although my 4 wing helps me a lot with emotional expression, socially and artistically.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Love your insight, Willy Wonka! Having a further conversation about the differences between genders would be fascinating! Curious, what is your artistic endeavor? Thanks for your comment! Sandy

[@willywonka6948]

@@HighFiveFriend Artistically, I write. I've written some poetry, but, my real passion is aimed at story structures. I'm currently trying to write some short stories that I hope to get published, but, to avoid high expectations upon submission, I will substitute my goal into trying to get as many rejection letters as I can. Thank you for asking. But, it definitely is interesting how different the types are based on gender. Some aspects of each type are considered masculine and feminine, so, it's interesting to see how women act to suppress "masculine" traits and how women overexaggerate the "feminine" traits and vice versa. Of course, it's not healthy to suppress or overexaggerate aspects of yourself, but, I think this understanding allows us to understand how we're not being true to ourselves and how we could grow into a healthier version of ourselves.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@willywonka6948 A goal of rejection letters is simply brilliant!!! 🔥 You win either way ;). So glad you are here and took time to comment 🙌.

[@carlallison6775]

Appreciate the video. I'm a male 5w4 and ISTJ. I also can relate to a lot of what you said. Before I go into any situation where I know I'll need to perform in some way, I will constantly say to myself .... "breath, and don't be awkward". Frankly, most of the time, it does not help unless I've had the time to over prepare, and when I can do that, I easily transition to my healthy 8. Undoubtedly, I see how people think I'm cold because I don't like small talk, and I'm not good at it.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi Carl! 👋 So glad you have found our community here. Love the self pep talk 😃! Thanks for your thoughts and comment, Sandy

[@moniquehurley1470]

I am an entp, so this may be a bit off for you guys, but reading into philosophy of perception helped me a lot. I very much believed in objective truth and that I could seemingly see the truth and others were ignoring it to feel better. That is still sometimes the case, but there are a lot of scenarios where you realize your perception of an event is actually wrong. Or more helpfully, i realized my logic was flawed because some things are inherently subjective. This helps me when I get stuck in domestic conversations and need to find a reason to play along. There’s a lot to be learned in someone

[@HighFiveFriend]

Oooo! Sounds interesting!!! Will be checking that out! I’m wondering how much you think your entp weighs in… and what is your Enneagram? Thanks for your comment and so glad you are here! Sandy

[@tigerlilies5164]

As a female type 5 and a female INTJ (mbti), I relate heavily.

[@JH-yj7kk]

Related to everything so much. Although most of my close long term friendships are with other women, on a more casual conversational level I've always been able to relate to men more. I've never had a group of girlfriends. Many women have told me they find me intimidating. Many men have told me that while they find me attractive and interesting, they don't know how to approach me as I'm unlike women they typically pursue romantically.

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌. It all makes sense after discovering the Enneagram, doesn’t it!!! Thanks for your comment! ❤️

[@JH-yj7kk]

@@HighFiveFriend really does. Thanks for this video. I have always felt misunderstood and it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@JH-yj7kk 💯 🤗

[@RBD582]

Just a random thought, I think it’s difficult for some 5s to be friends with other 5s as well because our “obsessions” or areas of interest are so vastly different.

[@Raven_Black_252]

5w4 Intj female, everytime I get into a new small group of friends or have a close relationship the first thing people say to me is "wow, I'm glad I did not back away from you just because I thought you looked very cold because you are actually the opposite". I think it's harder for us to make connections and it takes like minded people who are open minded to see us for who we really are and not for how we seem. People sometimes say I am intimidating especially when I'm not talking, even though that is just how my face looks and I am not trying to be intimidating at all.

[@Raven_Black_252]

I also don't know anyone with same type as me, both enneagram and mbti. It is alienating. I usually feel like an alien observing humans or like I am a human who doesn't know how to human even though I deeply feel everything but just can't show it which is something other people seem to be doing so naturally.

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋🏼Hi Raven! I get this for sure! I have recently connected up with Thea Wood and in process. kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y52yg2min7yqo8k I would love to hear your thoughts!!! So glad you are here 😃 Sandy

[@HighFiveFriend]

We all have different gifts and talents for sure! Hope you stay connected, and can email me anytime... I have a few guests in mind and we are slowing going to be unpacking some things. Also check out kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y5OmgWh3gJuZnNU. and Alexis' channel. She is also an INTJ 5w4 and has some great content! S

[@Raven_Black_252]

@@HighFiveFriend Hi Sandy! And haha I know the black color thing, used to do that myself and figured out later. There are really interesting things in that video, though. I get the idea of style management but it is hard to apply and create such a wardrobe for yourself especially in my country where there is a huge economical crisis (Turkey, unfortunately) and we are even struggling to pay the bills and get proper food. Although, like I said I am aware of this and I especially wear more colorful things when I go to school (studying ELT, prospective teacher here, and I'm doing my internship in a middleschool) and I really get along with kids well. One of them in my first week even came to me and say I looked lovely I'd say it works better now, haha. But it's still hard to be completely myself in my own style due to economical problems and I also realized I had this problem of being seen "cold" or "intimidating" for the past 6 years. I know I am naturally introverted and don't like too much interaction and may be quiet, but I used to make friends so easily. I could just make friends on the spot and this is how I got into my friend group of 8. I was the first one to make friends with one of them, and then I became friends with another and we made a group and the rest joined us, so I initated everything. I realized that those later 6 years where being cold became a reoccuring problem also corresponds to the time when I was heavily depressed. Naturally, I did not have the will, energy, and effort to take care of myself and be presentable both physcially and emotionally which added more to my already withdrawn nature, and wearing even more black due to my depressed mental state. Interesting stuff, definitely has a correlation. I'll have a look at Alexi too, thanks for the suggestion. This was kind of a long rambling on my side, but anyways. Have a nice day!

[@chemtrooper1]

INTP 5w6 male married to an INTP woman. People think we hate each other when interacting in social settings but its far from it, we have our own inside language and signals to indicate when one of us has had enough "people time". Neither of us have ever felt so deeply connected to another human. With her friends and colleagues, she feels much the same way that, perceptions of warmth and compassion are non-existent and that she must secretly be a cyborg. She hates small talk as much as I do, it feels like such a waste of time to us, thus we come across as a cold and uninterested in others lives.

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Great insight!!! Congrats to have such a great relationship ❤️ That is very special. So glad you are here! Do you know her E#?

[@chemtrooper1]

@@HighFiveFriend She is a 5w6 as well, but the difference is I have a higher wing 4 affinity than she does. I'm beginning to learn more about what a balanced 5 comprises of since there's only a couple of percentage points that separate my 6 wing and my 4 wing.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@chemtrooper1 👏 👏 👏 😃 😃 😃 Another 5 couple!!! Love it! One of my top video topics I’m waiting for the right time to assemble is a “5 married to a 5” panel… would love if you would consider joining in! Think on it 😉 S

[@gold_friday]

I even learn how to smile.. smile that is not awkward smile. 🙂

[@HighFiveFriend]

Awesome!

[@GlowingOlderandHealthier]

I am also INTJ but I have not looked into Enneagram 5 so Google here I come :)

[@HighFiveFriend]

Yay!!! I’d love to hear what you think! Last weeks video was about the correlations between MBTI and Enneagram ;). And I have put a link to a free Enneagram quiz in the description. It’s going to be right up your alley😃 Thanks for your support! S

[@Vanarian]

5w4 here, I definitely related to the “quiet” one lol, I tend to be more reserved and mysterious in comparison to other ppl I meet, but I have never been referred to as cold or blunt, which might be on account that I was raised in a very pun loving and sarcastic home. I have always had very few friends, during 2 years of my life I only had one close friend and we lived on separate continents) but probably more that the average 5. I also laugh at everything (I got that from my mother) so maybe that has helped others view me better. I also have had a type 8 best friend since I was 10 and our personalities have influenced each other so much I wonder if my tendency to be more open of late is her fault lol. I’ve heard it is rare for type 5s to be friends with 8s, but I wish every 5 had an 8 because they are the best!

[@HighFiveFriend]

Love it! Sounds like some very healthy relationships, and healthy 8s are great ❤️ I’ve been trying to figure out your screen name… Marvel?? Thanks for your comment and so glad you have found us! S

[@Vanarian]

Your welcome!😊 And screen name is just something I came up with that I thought would be original lol

[@Angel-xm5ck]

I'm INTJ_A and Enneagram 5w6 and I really understood your sentences

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌

[@maryosgood9933]

I'm a female 5. Also an INFP. My mother used to say people may not like me but they never forget me. At 62 I now know my goal was not to win friends but to make a difference. It's all good.

[@HighFiveFriend]

We DO get better with age :). 🙌 So glad you are here!!

[@olyasorokina3780]

Funny you mentioned that the one person who knew 4 type 5 women was in construction. I haven’t been able to find myself professionally but all things construction have been like a magnet to me the last several years. I’m curious now what those women do in the construction industry. Maybe I should look more closely into it.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi Olya! Be sure to let me know what you find out ;). Project Manager comes to mind but now I'm curious too. And perhaps rental manager? If it's drawing you in I'd encourage you! Sandy

[@thissunchild]

I'm an Enneagram 5, and suspected of being an INTJ too. I've been aware of being different for the longest time. I'm very emotional when I'm alone at home, and as I get older I feel much more compassionate. I often have no interest in people beyond work; I'm not social at all. I don't have any friends right now. My boss once told me that I can be very intimidating. Sometimes I sense that people find me cold, harsh or insensitive, but don't dare say it 🤔 I'm not sure whether I want to do anything about that. Don't really see the point. I don't want to be disliked, though, or misunderstood. I just want to _be me_ without the hassle of PEOPLE sucking every ounce of energy out of me with their neverending stream of pointless chatter. Don't get me wrong. I love humanity. I just can't stand the intrusion of _people_ ❤️ Ps I added the heart emoji to show that I am actually kind and loving even if I don't sound like it.

[@karneymac]

I am a relatively healthy (said humbly) 582sp male and think dating or being in business with a healthy 5sp female would could be amazing. I have trityped (for myself) all the significant past and present folks I know and not one female is a 5xx, though one is a x5x. Four males on my list are 5xx's. The key is...healthy. Healthy (from any Etype) is the key to harmony, cooperation, authenticity, truth, etc etc etc. But, partnering with a healthy 5...large advantage for a 5, methinks. Thumbs up on the video!

[@HighFiveFriend]

Beautifully said!

[@gensour6266]

Idk any other 5, cause enneagram testing isn't popular here, or any personality tests. I'm an istj, 5w6, the hardest for me is forming new friendships with women, e.g. at work, at my boarding house. I've always felt like the odd-one-out. Guess I've been too comfortable being alone. I have owned being the weird one so people won't expect anything else fr me. I think I intimidate people (ANYONE) without even lifting my eyes. They only need to be within my periphery. One male co-worker has told me I'm a little creepy (we're close friends) If I receive any news, good or bad, my reaction is usually "meh, well, that's life"

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Hello & welcome to this great community! The “a little creepy” and “intimidating” theme is a common thread here LOL. What country are you from? I’m curious. So glad you are here and look forward to future possibilities! S

[@Jessicaunarex]

Very interesting! I love hearing the female 5 perspective. (I am a 4 and often wish I was less emotional!)

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ We can learn from each other for sure! Thanks for you comment, Jessica!

[@rickmoede]

I don't know that reporting on the assumptions a small group of women have about others provides a lot of value. As to compassion, I believe that's better undertaken as an inside job. Being compassionate leads to being healthy which leads to struggling less interpersonally.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Beautiful comment about compassion! Thanks for your comment, Rick.

[@PaperSquirrelsCardDesigns]

Oh I can definitely identify with all of this!

[@HighFiveFriend]

😉

[@MrsESsmich]

I don’t know and other INTJ People in General. Feeling: The hardest Part ist being misunderstood constantly and Seen as too reserved and cold. I am very emotional and have Deep feelings. I don’t Show That This often, That does Not mean I don’t feel. And I don’t show it because emotions Are my kryptonite. Friends: i am too Independent and have too high Standards. Exterior: blunt and intense, i questions everything and also authorities.

[@HighFiveFriend]

MrsEssmich, you rock! Excited we have connected, and thank you for your thoughtful comment! Sandy

[@hollyhayes9640]

I'm a female INTJ 5w6 (548 tritype), and I've been described as quiet and logical, but also sensitive. The hardest part about being a 5 is that I tend to over-analyze everything, and expect perfection. If it's not perfect, then there's no point in doing it. (I don't expect perfection from others, though. Just myself.)

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Hi Holly! I relate to the perfectionism 💯 Thanks for your comment! S

[@amacampbell]

Is the group you have on-line? Specifically, is there a message board or chat area? I know I struggle meeting people and being able to chat with folks like myself would be a huge help.

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋. Hi! I’m in planning stages of putting a group together for this amazing KZbin family we are building here! I’m still thinking through the best approach and platform, as you can imagine. Send me a quick email and I can connect you up with the group I was referring to! (My email is on the “About” page here on YT). Look forward to hearing from you!!! And 💯 is super helpful. Sandy

[@tangerinefizz11]

I don't think I know any other 5s. Emotionally, I'm mostly detached, though I have a strong sense of justice and easily become angered by injustice. I sometimes wonder if I'm abnormal. All of my friends are on Facebook. I connect more easily with people online than offline, because when you're online, you can bypass small talk and get to the heart of the matter. You can also easily find people who share your interests and values.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Bypassing small talk… love this! ❤️ Im not sure how I missed your comment, so sorry for late reply. I also have a strong sense of justice 🙌 . So glad you are here, Delilah! Sandy

[@OutspokenTruth]

Now, I understand better the meaning of enneagram. Very informative. Thanks for sharing. God bless!

[@HighFiveFriend]

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for your comment :). S

[@OutspokenTruth]

@@HighFiveFriend you're welcome 🙏🏻

[@barbaraeagen9836]

Nailed it!!!!

[@Apple_Jack293]

INTJ 5 and this is dead on 🙃

[@HighFiveFriend]

Love it! 🙌

[@charlotte-adams]

I think I am intp 5w6 and, while I have some lovely friends, I struggle to get closer to them, a lot of them I dont relate to to the extent I want. people have best friends, and I want a bestie but can't choose one bc I want someone to relate to the most and it's difficult to tell whether they want to be closer to me or not. I think this is somewhat of a 9 trait, which is in my tritype, but it's also an aversion to emotions - I find it difficult to share my own, and, while I am better at dealing with other people's emotions, I can only deal with them for a certain amount of time & then I am drained or get put off by the effects of emotions (they can get too strong) - and I believe people see me as cold in this way. sometimes I can be stingy about my resources and time, I'm not quite as willing to share what I have bc ive worked to accumulate them. I just feel judgement coming from people

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Great insight! So glad you are here and have found our great community ❤️ S

[@kiwikunoichi]

This is very interesting! Can you do a video of the difference between an enneagram test versus Myers Briggs?

[@HighFiveFriend]

Oooo! I like it!! 👍🏼 👍🏼 I’m working on an amazing MBTI guest as well ;). Great suggestion! Thanks!

[@tohida8642]

I feel sooo bad , that it's hard for me to understand emotions ,,, ~INTP(5)

[@HighFiveFriend]

🤗 Completely relatable and know you aren’t alone in this at all!! Be nice to yourself aka don’t be too hard on yourself. Is it that you don’t understand them, or you don’t allow yourself to have them………? I read a while back that one will only be able to feel extreme joy to the extent that they allow themselves to feel extreme sadness. Basically the premise was that joy and sadness go hand in hand… that you can’t pick one and avoid the other. Curious if this resonates. Thoughts? Thanks for taking time to watch and share your thoughts! ♥️ So glad you are here!

[@EyeHeartSUSHI]

ive been called a pick me because girls think im trying to be like the guys.. 😂 also i relate to all of these

[@em-qd7wp]

i relate to a lot of this. i also find that one thing you didn’t mention is the difference of socialization in how type five presents in men vs women. i feel like type five men can be much more outwardly fives than women can, cause we are always taught we have to personify this feminine role in life (being mothers, feelers, etc). though i’m a type five, i always end up trying to hide some parts of that from coming out, and it’s so incredibly draining. i wish i could be more honest about how i present myself without being told that i’m a bad person, or too blunt, or unkind. i constantly feel like i’m lying to myself. i wonder if men also have these feelings, or if they don’t cause they don’t have to face the fear of sexism or “not being enough of a woman.”

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 100%!!! Great comment and so glad you have found us!!! I read somewhere you can take the same statement and a man will be “direct” but the woman will be “rude”. This is a great video idea!!!!! And I often wonder if the energy management issue is exactly due to the reason you described (filtering). More on this to come ;) So glad you are here! S

[@isa-manuelaalbrecht2951]

I don't think we're cold...onky a bit more * brainy* and nope I won't undermine myselve..our true forza is to remain clearminded in dangerous situation that we are now in..Next remember it..all introverts do the opposite of their endings..(gifts differings)...😁😙🤭

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 🔥

[@grainneATL]

Five woman here- first thing I thought was ‘email excerpt from ‘Christian woman’ was way too long, would have liked to hear more examples. Then. I thought, oh, I shouldn’t say that, it’s.too blunt, people don’t want to hear your critique all the time. Ahhhhh being a five woman. Intimidating I’ve heard. Another analogy was ‘German Shepherd’ - hard, rough and protective on the outside but your friend for life and loyal once a bond has been made.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Love the analogy! I’m getting better at editing, and blunt works here 😉 Welcome and thanks for your comment!

[@idonothateutrustmeiamjusti4895]

hi, i just want to ask something. there is a girl around me who is really intrested in enneagram, and she is really knowledgeable about it. we are like know each other for a long time and she is saying that i am a type 5, we checked it out together and i believe that i am type 5 too. i did mbti test and my mbti test said i am an enfp person, then another time it said i am an infp, but then my test said i am an enfp again and these all was happened at certain time intervals. but the ratio that determines that i am introverted or extroverted is not far from each other, but in some places i have seen it, it's hard to say i am both an enfp and a type 5 because the similarity rates are so low but tbh i believe that i am type 5 and enfp too? is it possible or am i doing something wrong😖 and i am really sorry for my broke english i am not a native speaker😮‍💨

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi! 👋 It’s all good and so glad you are here! You are beautifully and wonderfully made and love for exactly who you are. No “number” or personality test defines you. 👆👆👆 If figuring out your type is stressing you out, read the above paragraph again ❤️ Don’t put to much weight into tests as they can be unreliable for many reasons. I did a video here about mbti/enneagram “correlations” and you might check it out. No combination is impossible… just some are more common or more/less likely… people are dynamic AND it’s possible that one you have not landed on your type yet. This can take time and quite a bit of introspection. I am not certified to be able to help with typing but there are some great folks hr on YT that I would recommend. In fact, that sounds like a great video topic… I’m on it! Your English is outstanding and your thoughts are very introspective and insightful!!! No need to apologize! Let’s be sure to stay connected as I have some pretty incredible things planned and happening here with upcoming guests, panels and topics. 😊 Thank you for taking the time to comment! Sandy

[@idonothateutrustmeiamjusti4895]

@@HighFiveFriend omg thank you so much for responce🥰 i have been thinking about it for the last two days, and i was wondering like do i making a mistake or am i misinterpreted myself? you are right in the first paragraph😊 thank you soo much again lots of love from istanbul👋🏻

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@idonothateutrustmeiamjusti4895 🤗 🙌 ❤️

[@idonothateutrustmeiamjusti4895]

@@HighFiveFriend 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@imadreamer1984]

I can tell you I prefer being around men. I prefer male voices and I generally don't like being around women, unless I've known them for a while and they understand me. I hate "women's conferences", activities, etc. I hated being involved in my kids' activities if it meant I had to deal with people, I did the best I could in dealing with those things. The one thing I need more than anything is my personal alone time. If I don't get it, especially after everyone has sucked the life out of me, I'm going to be a very mean person. My husband understands this, and even though he likes to spend time with me, and I do with him as well, he knows when to leave me alone. If I give something my all and someone criticizes me for it, then I will walk away angry. They don't understand how difficult it was for me to do that thing. My question is, how did I become like this? Are we born with our personalities or do we adapt to our situations?

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Hi and welcome! I had to laugh at “women’s conferences”. 😂 🙌 Re: your question I trust this site and it discusses. www.enneagraminstitute.com/how-the-enneagram-system-works I often find that question stems from a deep feeling that there is something wrong with us or perhaps even broken… because we are different than most of our female friends. I’m curious if that resonates with you. And discovering the Enneagram is actually a relief. I have scheduled Clinical Psychologist as a channel guest for Q1 2022, and I will be sure to bring it up! So glad you are here! Sandy

[@1337174m1]

I am an INTP 5w6 sx/sp, imagine my shock when I could barely find any sx doms or anything about sx dom 5s on the internet. I got mistyped as 4w5 multiple times too. But I guess counter type isn't well studied, or many people are mistypes. I identify as a male, but I am biologically female. I also got the whole "You're cold" or got dismissed purely because I was biologically female. I was always expected to be irrational. I have been told I am "No fun allowed", but only by people who refuse to enter into my domain of interests. I could go on, but this is youtube and I don't expect feedback on this post.

[@orchestrafusion]

INTJ 5w6 here 😊

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋🏼. Love your screen name!!! I'm a violinist - you?!?

[@mattblom3990]

I'm an ENFP-A, 7w8 and I'm looking how best to relate romantically to a 5w4, INTJ female? She's great in person or text, our ability to talk intuitively has yet to reach its limit - we've gone upwards of 6 hours just talking (1st date) - which is awesome and I'm super comfortable around her. I just don't know when is a good time to, you know, ask for a hug or something lol?

[@HighFiveFriend]

This is a great question, and I'm super impressed you've asked! My answer would be just direct and ask! Sounds like you have a great connection. Let me ask my female 5 group and I can get some other thoughts!! Somewhat would depend on how long you've known each other and (approx) how old are you both? lmk! Sandy

[@mattblom3990]

@@HighFiveFriend We're both around 40, we've known each other 2 months. Also ask your group if you can how a partner can support a stressed type 5. I know she withdraws and that's okay, I just want to support as I can.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@mattblom3990 I'm on it.

[@mattblom3990]

@@HighFiveFriend Status report! Can send link if necessary!

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@mattblom3990 Still waiting on replies to your first question from the 5 tribe :). But to followup, starting as good friends, holding hands and being the true gentleman (holding doors, etc) goes a long way. My husband asked permission for our first kiss, and I knew he was a keeper :).

[@leenkotob6144]

Intp type five here ! It's very accurate

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Hi!! Love it and So glad you have found us! Thanks for taking time to comment.

[@stefs1155]

I’m a 5 and an ISTJ

[@zein9557]

all (3) of my closest friends are nines lol i truly do appreciate them, but there are times i feel that they don’t quite understand what i’m saying or talking about. usually we spend our time joking around and even then i feel like i never know how to express myself as well as they do

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ What great friends! We are uniquely different, and that is ok! 🙌

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

Here INTJ 5w? (I’ll go deep over this, as always haha): I’ve never been told directly I’m cold and blah blah (only once by my ex Italian teacher but I won’t go in dept because I think this comment is long enough haha) but sometimes people would ask me if I was ok, once a not-close friend told me I looked like our serious teacher and anyway things like that (also silences while making strange looking faces when I point out a fact count) and I also can’t connect with people very easily because I’m drained by small talk (or talking for longer than 2 hrs), I select where people should be on the personal sphere (I have 3 spheres: personal, me and only, social, I enjoy talking with my friends and family or anyway I talk with people with obligated interactions, and lavorative, I don’t talk even with friends when I’m in there and I talk only when obligated to) and I think/talk of things that seem out of world

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

I think the direct and not woman stereotype will become a problem when I’ll have to face with strangers at work and not only people that aren’t very assertive in saying these types of opinions (I’m a student now and people I encounter wouldn’t come at me and say “hey, you’re cold, iceberg”, they would just keep to them and their friends)

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Hi! So glad you have found us! Thank you for taking time to comment and share your perspective! Sandy

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@i3ignorantidelweb43 We all have strengths and weaknesses, and knowing the Enneagram puts you way ahead! 🙌

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

@@HighFiveFriend not at all, this was a nice vent

[@i3ignorantidelweb43]

@@HighFiveFriend thank you ☺️

[@isa-manuelaalbrecht2951]

Yiippiiee intj overhere as well but it seems a so namen* counter- five* 😁🤣🤩😚🙄

[@HighFiveFriend]

Welcome!!!! So glad you are here ❤️

[@1jediwitch]

INTJ-A Female, Enneagram - 5w4, Ocean/Canoe - O-90%, C-69%, E-4%, A-54%, N-37.5% (CIS/AFAB Female, she/her). I do not know anyone else quite like myself, nor do I think that I've ever met anyone like me.

[@HighFiveFriend]

😃 You’re awesome! 🙌

[@Vivi_Chan1111]

I'm an INFJ enneagram 5w4

[@HighFiveFriend]

Welcome! And awesome profile picture 😎

[@davidlincolnbrooks]

My S-I-L and her daughter, my niece, are almost certainly 5's. I'm a 5 male...

[@HighFiveFriend]

Wow! That could go one of 2 ways… do you all get along?

[@davidlincolnbrooks]

@@HighFiveFriend Oh, very very well. We're the "cool heads must prevail" function within our family. haha

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@davidlincolnbrooks I figured!! 😂. Thanks for your comment - made my day!

[@heatherjackson639]

I'm a 5. And 5w4 and 5w6

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi Heather! So glad you are here 😊 Welcome! Sandy

[@goldsunsilvermoon]

omg i’m also enneagram 5 intj

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 You rock, goldsunsilvermoon!!! So glad you have found us 😊

[@erinadams923]

Hi im a E5 woman and a intj too. Can you please tell my what job do you have

[@HighFiveFriend]

👋 Hi! I have had several different careers. I am currently teaching elementary school and I will say energy management is a challenge. What do you?!? 😊

[@erinadams923]

@@HighFiveFriend im still in school. Don't know what I want to do with my life yet.

[@amacampbell]

I am in the same categories as you. I am a medical writer, that is I write up the scientific stuff for a pharma company. I get to work at home and mostly independently, overseeing my own projects. It very much fits my personality.

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@erinadams923 Exciting! So glad you are here!!

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@amacampbell I could see that being a really good fit!!

[@m00nwalker32]

I’m INFP or INFJ (I don’t know which one) Woman with 5 What does that mean

[@HighFiveFriend]

It means your awesome! 🙌🏽. M00nWalker, so glad you are here!! Love your profile picture. Sandy (PS - Sorry about delay in reply, not sure how I didn't see it until now!)

[@MommyAnswerLady]

Interesting!

[@HighFiveFriend]

Thanks! And I’m totally loving the amazing wisdom you are sharing on your channel ❤️. Thanks for your comment! S

[@Allthingsambient]

Interesting content!

[@HighFiveFriend]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your comment :) S

[@ms.rainh20teachesart]

I'm an INFJ 5w4, thats close, right? haha

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi!!!! Ms. RainH20 - You rock! 🙌🏽. Lots of artist and musician 5's here so glad youv'e found us. Sandy. (PS - Sorry about delay in reply, I replied prior but must not have posted.)

[@ms.rainh20teachesart]

@@HighFiveFriend Hey hey! Thanks for the warm welcome :)

[@baddeymaddey]

Type 5 female with strong type 8 wing, imagine the emasculation

[@winteraustin1198]

Girl im a five and my name is Winter... Talk about jokes.

[@HighFiveFriend]

Lol. I bet you are an amazing friend to those you trust :)

[@sidney2900]

So I relate to the type 5 extremely well but I’m very emotional??

[@HighFiveFriend]

Hi! ❤️ All things are possible! Comes down to motivations behind the behaviors. If there were a 2nd place # what would it be?? (Not questioning, Just curious). PS I thought of you when balancing my music for today’s video 😊

[@sidney2900]

@@HighFiveFriend 4. I think I’m a 5w4 but I also relate a lot to the 6. 😊

[@HighFiveFriend]

@@sidney2900 👍🏼 Let me know if this is helpful... www.enneagraminstitute.com/misidentifying-5-and-6 So glad you are here and thanks for your sharing your thoughts!

[@JH-yj7kk]

I'm a sx 5w4 and I'm very emotional. 5s have emotions, they just process and express them differently than other types. We often aren't comfortable putting everything on display and this can lead people to see us as unemotional.

[@sidney2900]

@@JH-yj7kk yep that’s very true

[@m1992seishun]

Before knowing about this enneagram or MBTI I tried to act like other female just so that I can have a normal life.. But it doesn't make me happy at all because being an INTJ 5w6, authenticity and honesty are very important.. And I am in fact not like other women that can show emotions and can open up to everybody easily.. So after I learned that I'm built differently, I just act like my trueself.. This really makes me happy and eventhough sometimes I feel like I may hurt others/make people think bad about me, I'll just keep on reminding myself about who I truly am.. Honestly I've never been happier.. I just do what I want and what I like because I'm responsible for my own happiness.. Always remember to take care of yourself before others.. Do not try to please others just because it is the norm of society.. It's okay to be different 😊

[@HighFiveFriend]

❤️ Beautifully said!

[@storyrashya8816]

Cantik ka 🥰👍👍

[@HighFiveFriend]

Salamat sa iyong mabait na salita ❤️. And thank you for your comment! Sandy 😊

[@pinkforeverlove1]

Aye it is what it is as a 5. I’m over people pleasing and spending energy to be understood. Those meant to connect and understand me will 🫠

[@HighFiveFriend]

🙌 Love it!