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Enneagram Type 5 in Love and Romantic Relationships

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Jenny Ann Helms

Jenny Ann Helms

Күн бұрын

In today's #coffeewithatherapist, we are talking about type 5's, the observer, in relationships.
Type 5 in love: Observers need a partner who won't try to force them to go out to places they hate: crowded parties, loud environments or basically anything requiring a lot of social interaction.
You will also prefer someone who is a good listener, as you'll get irritated with having to repeat yourself. It takes a LOT of effort for you to put your thoughts into words in the first place.
When you are feeling uncomfortable in social settings, others may perceive you as being "aloof" or as judging them, but really it's your anxiety that keeps you quiet.
You need time and space to process your emotions so you'll need a partner who respects that and allows you that time and space. Just make sure to communicate that need to them so they don't see it as rejection.
If you don't know what your number is, you can do the Rheti short version via www.9types.com/... the long version through the Enneagram institute.
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Пікірлер: 150
@bi0lizard1
@bi0lizard1 3 жыл бұрын
I don’t want to talk about emotions until I’ve had a chance to analyze, classify, and categorize them. Then once I’ve analyzed them and categorized them there is really no need to discuss them anymore. It’s the emotion paradox of a 5.
@malikaromine606
@malikaromine606 3 жыл бұрын
So relatable!
@nielbohr6703
@nielbohr6703 3 жыл бұрын
Unless you're integrated into 9 or are a 4 which means you complement them in your life.
2 жыл бұрын
Sooooooooo true >< Omg, but is that a good thing??
@AvocadoToast-
@AvocadoToast- 2 жыл бұрын
Well said
@jpfitness2242
@jpfitness2242 2 жыл бұрын
I'm an INFP 5w4. Yes, we exist. I don't even understand what it means to connect with someone emotionally anymore. For me friends are very draining and I only really enjoy talking about common interests. I've noticed a major decline in my ability to have friends and socialize over the years. It makes it hard for me to look back and even know if I was ever really really connected to anyone or if I wasn't just sharing in interests for entertainment. This is not to say I don't care to help people. I love helping others, but even then I don't feel connected. I feel alien to it all.
@denisesiddon7241
@denisesiddon7241 Жыл бұрын
I'm glad we exist. Just found out I'm a 5 w 4 infp. This is confusing as a relationship is all I want out of life but when I was single I was hesitant to see who was a good match and who wasn't. I was single for years as I stayed at home watching KZbin all day. I connected with my extraverted caring ex again and he's helped me a lot
@winteraustin1198
@winteraustin1198 4 ай бұрын
This is so accurate. I'm an INFP 5w4
@bi0lizard1
@bi0lizard1 3 жыл бұрын
As a 5 I literally had to read books on small talk so I could attempt to learn it. It was a necessary workplace skill I lacked. So I did what any self respecting 5 would do. I researched it and read books on it to try and improve. I still don’t care for it much; but it does have its usefulness in the workplace.
@Jai-lx2kz
@Jai-lx2kz 3 жыл бұрын
Which books would you recommend?
@goldsunsilvermoon
@goldsunsilvermoon 2 жыл бұрын
omg me too i read nonviolent communications lolol
@joiedevivre894
@joiedevivre894 Жыл бұрын
Wow same.
@maryammaqsood328
@maryammaqsood328 4 жыл бұрын
I feel like I have intimacy issues because the moment someone tries to be close, I literally push them away.
@cavelleardiel
@cavelleardiel 4 жыл бұрын
check out attachment styles with The Personal Development School. Very helpful.
@maryammaqsood328
@maryammaqsood328 4 жыл бұрын
Cavelle Ardiel omgg thankyou so much for this. I just learned there’s an entire attachment style based on the pattern that I thought was particular to me
@cavelleardiel
@cavelleardiel 4 жыл бұрын
@@maryammaqsood328 You're welcome. All the best to you! xoxoxo
@432HertzStreet
@432HertzStreet 3 жыл бұрын
do you have 4 in your ego?
2 жыл бұрын
5 is a rejection type (rejection triad: 2,5,8)
@franzabananza
@franzabananza 3 жыл бұрын
As a 5, when she pause I said out loud “stupid and dumb just say it!” 🤣🤣🤣
@youssefshahir8624
@youssefshahir8624 3 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂😂🤦
@thenorthshore88
@thenorthshore88 Жыл бұрын
Same lol
@AmishNinjaMaster
@AmishNinjaMaster Ай бұрын
#yep
@BF-non
@BF-non 23 күн бұрын
YES
@catorce9027
@catorce9027 4 жыл бұрын
You described me to a tee. I try not to be so dismissive of others, but I don't like wasting time with frivolity. Cut to the meat or keep it pushing.
@nielbohr6703
@nielbohr6703 3 жыл бұрын
Right, never better explained
@maribel5478
@maribel5478 4 жыл бұрын
as a type 5 I can truly tell you small talk doesn't make sense to me but I know its something I have to do to socialize a little. that's true I choose my friends and mostly hang out with my family. that's something I've never told anyone that I really tend to think that people are dumb, so then why would I want to "hang out" with them so I get this when I'm being a little too cynical in my own brain. in relationship I tend to go in my brain as a list: -like does he have a job, wants a relationship, how did it go in his last relationship, his personality, beliefs, education, etc.. so I just mainly observe and don't fall in love mostly analytical as whether his a good partner. for me its really easy to just say I pass even if we dated for a few months and I don't feel regret because I can be very diplomatic in my mind to say this are the reasons your not a good fit for me. so thank you. in confrontation I just listen and analyze the facts sometimes I can answer right there on the spot, but never get emotional about a topic; other I need that night to think and come up with a very diplomatic answer as to why I did or we acted in a situation. (one guy did tell me that this frustrated him because he liked to get in heated arguments and yell curse, when he did this I just got up say goodbye and leave because that was too much drama for me). I don't feel comfortable sharing a story of mine, I feel very exposed so its hard for me to connect im a great listener, can lead you to perspective and wisdom in overall of a problem that you have. im not that artsy but someday I will learn a skill. since I love learning.
@432HertzStreet
@432HertzStreet 3 жыл бұрын
i feel the list you create when starting to date somebody is a female aspect of you, females do this a lot as they have a lot of emotional needs even if they live predominantly in the masculine side of the brain. if you feel rather that think youll see youll be able to tell if someone is right for you by how they make you feel.. also the things that you over think are great topics for conversation over time and not in one big heap haha. Also a key to know is, lots of this thought comes from doubt of the self and you ability to feel openly..so just know if someone is sat with you flirting or dating, they are into you ... sounds so strange to any other type but as i had a 5 ego i know long into the relationship you still feel unsure of their feelings towards you - keep removing your ego i promise the result is freedom
@alaric12
@alaric12 Жыл бұрын
You don't need to be a 5 to rationalize relationships, by the way most 5 tend to see relationships as time and energy consuming, I advice you to keep an open mind on other enneagram as well.
@jazaiahbeard4531
@jazaiahbeard4531 3 жыл бұрын
I don’t think people are dumb. I think people are a chore and you have to pour a lot of your energy into the and a lot of the time I don’t think that person is worth that type of effort id have to put into it. Also I do not want to have to nurture it I don’t want to feel obligated to give. I’d just rather not
@KevinM-dg7kx
@KevinM-dg7kx 3 жыл бұрын
I think people are dumb AND a chore.....I’m working to get to where you’re at...
@jeremyncrm2012
@jeremyncrm2012 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah I agree it’s all about energy, I just don’t have the energy for dealing with everyone
@AmishNinjaMaster
@AmishNinjaMaster Ай бұрын
#yep
@auntieb3621
@auntieb3621 8 ай бұрын
😂😂😂 my husband was looking at me through out this entire video with one eye brow twisted and a huge grin on his face! Indicating that you were speaking about me!!! That was priceless thank you
@EmTreasure88
@EmTreasure88 2 жыл бұрын
6:02 I had to back track 20 seconds bc i zoned out unintentionally 😭🤚 Love this video, everything was well thought out, i was just tired and thought it was funny that that happened
@celestineimperial94
@celestineimperial94 2 жыл бұрын
i’ve recently discovered that my ex (of 2 yrs) is exactly like this, it felt like they were always excited about school and learning but when it came to emotional topics, they’d just disengage. I’m a 7 so i’d love the intensity of a conversation or argument and i’d never fully get it from him. it’s rly interesting knowing how different types of ppl work bc now i just know that he operates differently :p
@-HiddenInPlainSight-
@-HiddenInPlainSight- 3 жыл бұрын
I used to think i was the 4w5... but it seems i am the 5w4. The beauty of the 4, 5 axis point is the balance between heart and mind
2 жыл бұрын
Agree.
@cavelleardiel
@cavelleardiel 4 жыл бұрын
INTJ, Volatile Fearful Avoidant and my love languages are touch and words of affirmation.
@t04v7
@t04v7 3 жыл бұрын
Same
@wererabbit63
@wererabbit63 4 жыл бұрын
I’m drawn to the windex in the upper right hand corner.
@heavenfxeyesforsale
@heavenfxeyesforsale 4 жыл бұрын
Lol me too
@heavenfxeyesforsale
@heavenfxeyesforsale 4 жыл бұрын
More than the Starbucks
@SuperUghhhhh
@SuperUghhhhh 3 жыл бұрын
Damn now I'm fixated
@Encryptus1
@Encryptus1 3 жыл бұрын
I cannot unsee it now. Dough!
@dakodataylor479
@dakodataylor479 3 жыл бұрын
i thought i was the only one that saw it
@432HertzStreet
@432HertzStreet 3 жыл бұрын
5s have extremely good hearing. this comes from the need to know if someone will come close to entering their private space - a 5s private space tends to house a deep secret and seed or repression, hence the not wanting to leave said area and being jaw clenching when you do enter. - but yes to apply that to a relationship when low is obviously hard as the 5 is always so worried theyre not enough and you cant hear and think simultaneously
@t04v7
@t04v7 3 жыл бұрын
This is dead on. 🥸 Don’t disturb me when I’m in my secret lair. I’ll come to you.
@gabrielstroup
@gabrielstroup 2 жыл бұрын
As a hard of hearing 5, I would say that I don’t “hear” disturbances in my privacy, but feel some kind of vibration, or notice some slight movement in my periphery, especially when I’m listening to stuff in my headphones without my hearing aids. Personal space is such a big value to me, so my eventual life partner would need to understand that somehow.
@kellifolsom9775
@kellifolsom9775 2 ай бұрын
This is so true!
@Mia-rf1pu
@Mia-rf1pu 3 жыл бұрын
its not that i dont want to be in a relationship or have friends (because i actually want to) , its just that nothing motivates me to do it. its sad man
@tothemoon5108
@tothemoon5108 3 жыл бұрын
2:27 this is SO spot on. i cannot stress more on how accurate that is. i want someone that can challenge me on that or more intelligent ( someone that i can refer to) !
@mitchellwilliam95
@mitchellwilliam95 Жыл бұрын
Good luck
@timotato4662
@timotato4662 3 жыл бұрын
My husband is always saying I’m too pessimistic and I’m like I’m not pessimistic I’m just spitting facts. I can’t let you be wrong I have to let you know.
@Deathly_Visage
@Deathly_Visage Жыл бұрын
I've heard that 5s take on unhealthy traits of types 8 in stressful situations, so sometimes with being a type 5, if the emotional situation is the boiling point for me, I might explode. Honestly it's best if I walk away and decompress.
@rickmoede
@rickmoede Жыл бұрын
As to Fives asking "Why?", I'm curious why you shoot videos with headphones.
@thomaspham8852
@thomaspham8852 2 жыл бұрын
I think I’m a five and I have a lot of problems in relationships because my partners often feel like I am cold or distant. But, I’m really not. I feel a lot, I just shove it down to process it later. I don’t like heated talks, because emotions are labile. One minute, someone could be totally chill then the next bam, they are trigged. I like predictability.
@kidgay3730
@kidgay3730 2 жыл бұрын
I grew up in a very social environment, I hated every second of small talk but I got rather good at faking it
@daveyrobinson3779
@daveyrobinson3779 3 жыл бұрын
Gotta call bullshit on your assumption that 5s just sweep issues under the rug on the basis that they don't want to get overly emotional during an argument/discussion. Taking a time out to center yourself and getting control over your emotional state is beneficial to actually understanding the problem causing the disagreement, instead of just losing yourself in emotional turmoil, and succumbing to irrational behaviours that lead to nothing constructive. It's not avoidance, it's strategic retreat and regrouping with the soul intention of regaining diplomacy.
@mattconverse6485
@mattconverse6485 3 жыл бұрын
I was thinking the exact same thing. I don't want to sweep it under the rug at all, if anything I want to get this straightened out right here and now. However, there is this void of time where I am processing those feelings and making sure I understand them first. Sometimes I process emotions quicker than other times.
2 жыл бұрын
DUDE... IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THINK.
@CaliforniaForever
@CaliforniaForever Жыл бұрын
You’re right they think other people are dumb. But they aren’t necessarily smarter!! They just think they are.
@wecallhimchristwist
@wecallhimchristwist 3 жыл бұрын
This is quite true for me as an observer, especially will being pretty judgemental for those who don't think the way I think. This is not my favorite part of myself, but this is true. It is actually nice to know that this is a part of my type. I also have OCD, and I would love to know if a lot of people with OCD are the 5th type. Any information about this would be very helpful!
@HighFiveFriend
@HighFiveFriend 3 жыл бұрын
5w4 wonderfully married 20+ yrs to a 5w6! Thanks for noticing our strong points :). Sandy
@brandencosper153
@brandencosper153 2 жыл бұрын
Any tips for a newer relationship?
@HighFiveFriend
@HighFiveFriend 2 жыл бұрын
@@brandencosper153 Hi! You both 5s? :)
@brandencosper153
@brandencosper153 2 жыл бұрын
Yea! 5w4 and 5w6!
@HighFiveFriend
@HighFiveFriend 2 жыл бұрын
@@brandencosper153 😃 🙌. Congrats! Such a great question!!! So many thoughts lol… A few top of mind: Be intentional to stay on the same page so you grow together and not apart. Have a “we win together and lose together” mindset. No one “wins” an argument. Know and honor your partners “Love Language” You are off to a fabulous lead by knowing the Enneagram!!! Glad we have met! Sandy Ps. I’ve actually planned a video on this for Q1/2022. Email me if you have any specific questions and I’ll be sure to include!
@Michael-xr5yx
@Michael-xr5yx Жыл бұрын
I know this comment is 2 years old but... how do you manage your need for privacy and alone time? Does it work out cuz you're both 5's so you both need it? This is the biggest obstacle for me in relationships... I just need so much space and alone time to feel like myself and not get exhausted.
@Mila-ie5bw
@Mila-ie5bw 23 күн бұрын
Every Monday without fail, I have to answer the dreaded question: "so... how was your weekend?" and i always answer with, "It was good. Fine weather. Thanks for asking. How was yours?" or I start listing activities in an awkward, robotic way like "We went camping. There were wasps. I went to the library. It was a good library." I can never tell if they genuinely just want to know or are they just asking as a societal obligation? Am I giving too much information or too little? Then they start telling me about their weekend and now I have to figure out how to react. After that I have to figure out how to transition to the real reason for the meeting without sounding dismissive. But when that transition happens, I can finally breathe. Now I can talk about work. The obligatory small talk is over.
@mwatson4970
@mwatson4970 3 жыл бұрын
This is sooo accurate! I was listening hard to see if you had a different word for me than "stupid" or "tiring" for other ppl. But I guess Thane what us 5s all default to.
@odomisan
@odomisan 2 жыл бұрын
I have an alternative to it. "They're not as smart as they think they are".
@noah.malcolm
@noah.malcolm Жыл бұрын
Oof. Tough but important to hear. I'm a 4 who was was just broken up with from my 5 ex and I'm really struggling with our different approaches to communicating about the fallout. Our emotional ranges are so drastically different and I'm trying to hold space for the fact that this is just how he is, just as I am who I am, but it's hard to not feel like I'm being deprived of answers/closure/honesty about the whole situation. That, and the fact that from the outside he seems to be coping fine while I am having to handle very turbulent emotions.
@evaeggen6928
@evaeggen6928 Жыл бұрын
I think your emotional aernesty is important, and if you comunicate this in a qualm way, i think your ex fine would take it as a challenge to cope, and communicate his emotions better too, at least i hope so, just don't be too aggressive in your request for emotional earnestly, az agresssion is a little scary for those, also lots of others. Also too much crying is kind of scary, make them feel guilty. Being 5/4 i think myself, a good mix of both, i hope to believe in better communication, emotional too, nor to forget.
@AmishNinjaMaster
@AmishNinjaMaster Ай бұрын
@@evaeggen6928 As an INTJ-T (5w4/6), I approve this approach.
@manuel_winde
@manuel_winde 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the video- the bit about arguments in relationships is interesting, as someone who rarely gets emotional in those situations I often feel like my gf is figuratively bringing a knife to a fist fight when she starts crying or shouting and I’m left to stand there like a cold hearted statue with my logic and reason! (I always feel like a bully as I don’t know what to do 😂 - luckily it’s very rare with only 1-2 arguments since the first lockdown in March!) Intj-a 5w4
@throwabrick
@throwabrick 3 жыл бұрын
I got a lot out of this. Wish I had known this a long time ago.
@iamgraci_
@iamgraci_ 4 жыл бұрын
this video made me feel so many types of ways
@BF-non
@BF-non 23 күн бұрын
Seeing people as stupid is accurate and wanting a partner that we do not see that way is also accurate. - 5w4
@denisesiddon7241
@denisesiddon7241 Жыл бұрын
Infp 5 w 4. We do care we just overthink everything
@andywest6113
@andywest6113 2 жыл бұрын
I do crave emotional connection. I also think SOME people are dumb. What I do think of people is that they are unwilling to go deep. Some of them I write off but most I try to meet them where they are relizing, they are only able to go so far/deep.
@sparklefulpaladin
@sparklefulpaladin Жыл бұрын
INTJ 5w4 here. Romantic relationships aren't really my thing, but I do like having close relationships otherwise with friends and family members. For small talk, I generally have a list of topics or questions to ask people. I've come to enjoy getting people to talk about pets or hobbies that they have. Asking about a hobby has the added benefit of getting more information about something the other person genuinely enjoys and can even lead a small trail down the rabbit hole to go learn more things about their hobby and maybe even discover a new hobby for yourself. My experience has taught me that it's all about making small talk become interesting, while still playing within the societal rules (which are dumb) about what constitutes "appropriate small talk". I do actually enjoy going deep, if I'm in the mood for it, but that could also very well be the combination of instinctual subtype and the strong 4-wing I have. I do tend to prefer to disengage when in the middle of things (gotta keep that 8-ness under control, lol) and then come back later.
@zakuzeon7382
@zakuzeon7382 Жыл бұрын
"My experience has taught me that it's all about making small talk become interesting, while still playing within the societal rules (which are dumb) about what constitutes "appropriate small talk". Please don't dumb yourself down, or "stoop to their level." Enneagram 5s are the Iconoclasts, it's our job to point out the flaws in any system, regardless of how good that system is or isn't, there's no such thing as a perfect system. If you're not true to yourself, NOBODY should take you seriously. I never pander or talk down to anyone. More often than not shunned, ridiculed & rejected for that. Their problem, I always say. Never let them think you're wrong for being right.
@CleesHyun
@CleesHyun 3 жыл бұрын
Ohhh thank you for this explanation. Gotta share this with every chick I date 😂 you explain many things in a coherent matter 👊👍👏
@andreak4739
@andreak4739 Жыл бұрын
I'm a infj-a type 5w6. I heard I look reserve but when ppl get to know me, they figure I am actually a warm person ( with who allow n my life) but also with strangers I'm not cold but im not engaged n personal conversations. In a relationship I'm empathetic caring loving and I am the one I keep the cold n tough situations and also who solve problems and get em done. But I also I expect my partner to be self sufficient that way they can give me the space I Need to do me. Needy ppl or the type that needs constant reaffirmation or over the top dramatic can drain the heck out of me. And about the "dumb" part 😂...OK yes I do think sometimes they dumb, but only when I see ppl being overly dramatic and disrupt everyone else ( innocents 🤣) with their nonsense like when they make a huge deal bc store ran out of "cherry cola" 🤣 or when their are aware their bad decisions, yet, keep doing it Over and over and then be crying about the drama they created for 10000 time. Small talk is not my favorite thing but I also had push myself out of my comfort zone, so I don't avoid it as much as before and because of it I had meet new interesting humans. Do I hangout with them all the time ? No ! But I had learned to improve my social skills, instead to act all detached all the time bc assuming everyone is dumb just bc first impressions 🤷🏽‍♀️ ( ull be surprised )
@Enigma96969
@Enigma96969 3 жыл бұрын
I’m excited on the inside... but not really... :p lol
@u4610543
@u4610543 3 жыл бұрын
I'm 5s Really Love what you are sharing, ThxU ^^
@kevinfukthezetamale4298
@kevinfukthezetamale4298 3 жыл бұрын
Heck I be willing to be stingy about everything whether it's energies, informations, and words, however privacy and solitude needs to be a prioritize, since you are stumbling a real-life magician.
@robsanderson8105
@robsanderson8105 3 жыл бұрын
So... I'm a mix of all of the 5 types. It's really weird. I'm social and have no problem with being the life of the party or the joke teller or whatever, tho I do prefer to be a wallflower and ppl watch. I live in my head and have ambitions of being a sci-fi writer. That's the 5w4 in me. I have learned to express my feelings but only when pertinent. I am logic driven and am an electrical engineer so I normally work alone, and I excel in the field. And lastly while I agree there are dumb ppl, most ppl just do dumb things willingly and that is what perplexes me the most 🤣
@mycarrysun
@mycarrysun 2 жыл бұрын
I'm a 5 (according to the test) and it really fits with how I am very analytical and need to know the why behind things. But I am much more social than a typical 5 it seems like - why is that?
@ariadnepiera4838
@ariadnepiera4838 2 жыл бұрын
This might be related to your instinctual subtype. They are: “Self-preservation,” “Social,” and “Sexual/1:1.” There’s a lot of nuance as far as wings and where you are in health and even how you’ve learned how to navigate life, and that can sometimes give a bit more insight into various aspects. Also, the enneagram is more related to your core motivation than on your outer expression and there just so happen to be behavioral patterns that often coincide with each number. Hope that helps or at least isn’t super boring.
@mycarrysun
@mycarrysun 2 жыл бұрын
@@ariadnepiera4838 interesting - yea that makes sense about the motivation vs outer expression. I also am probably a social subtype tho.
@soa2444
@soa2444 Жыл бұрын
Because you love Cock - ISTJ type 8
@tellaphon6718
@tellaphon6718 2 жыл бұрын
Im between 4w5 and 6w5 now so id have said "shallow".
@SanctifiedLady
@SanctifiedLady 3 жыл бұрын
Put on speed 2x if you are a 5w4 😬
@HighFiveFriend
@HighFiveFriend 3 жыл бұрын
LOL. 👍🏼 1.5 is usually my sweet spot! Sandy, 5w4
@himboronin2573
@himboronin2573 3 жыл бұрын
Great video
@rainydaze4409
@rainydaze4409 2 жыл бұрын
Am i deluding myself? Does every 5 think everyone around them is stupid and I'm just not conscious of it? I'm pretty sure I am a 5 but I don't think people around me are stupid. Like just because they're not on the same page as me doesn't mean their page is more or less advanced than mine. We're just not focused on the same things. And I do stupid things literally all the time, just like everyone else I know. XD If there's anything I've learned it's that every person you talk to has new information you can get from them. Because everyone has their own experiences and stuff they've learned that's different from yours. I have struggled with pride in the past but honestly it's much easier to accept information from as many sources as possible so I can just have more overall, and not judge where it came from as harshly. (Aside from making sure it's right if I have doubts, of course!) I can also actually have a ton of fun at loud parties and stuff, if I'm with friends and I'm mentally prepared. Probably the 7 and 8 connections. ;P But yeah personal space and time to unwind is 100% nonnegotiable and there is a high chance I will bite your head off or get super cold and snappy if you interrupt me in the middle of my chill time.
@Safety3Nation29
@Safety3Nation29 3 жыл бұрын
Woooow!!! u r ok too, but I just read all the freaking comments and I really understanding ich one of this freaking people hahahaha I already see me at that circumstances... well, u know that people still thinking that I am not empathic... Uffff 😒
@terencewinters2154
@terencewinters2154 2 жыл бұрын
Not party animals. Can see people as intrusive or lacking depth.
@pinkturtle2016
@pinkturtle2016 Жыл бұрын
I blame my parents for shaping me into the type 5 I am today
@andywest6113
@andywest6113 2 жыл бұрын
Ok I am clearly a 5 and I enjoy going into the emotional depth/ the emotional motivator of almost anything. Itseems I am a rare 5 can you help me understand this ?
@brianaj850
@brianaj850 Жыл бұрын
Me too! You're not alone. I think many people stick fives in the "detached" and "analytical" box and call it good, but fives are also known for being highly intuitive and perceptive and sensitive, and we actually often feel quite deeply. I am pretty sensitive and have strong emotional responses to things, but I also have a high amount of control and detachment ability so sometimes don't even realize I feel so strongly until after the fact. I love assessing and picking apart my own and other's emotional motivations too - however, this may be part of my "five" proclivity to pick things apart and understand them to their core ;)
@andywest6113
@andywest6113 Жыл бұрын
@@brianaj850 Thank you
@MsDomomuffin
@MsDomomuffin 3 жыл бұрын
There are too many distracting things in the video lol no idea what was said for like the first 1.5 mins
@rickmoede
@rickmoede Жыл бұрын
This might describe a lot of Fives well, but as with most KZbin videos on Fives, most of this sounds like the opposite of me as a sx/so 5w4 548. I'm not sciencey, I'm naturally drawn to what's exciting, I'm very creative, emotional, and expressive, I have no problem with small talk, and I can connect deeply with people. What's true for me is, I'm witty, I "keep it real", and I most definitely see most people as morons. That's not to say they're devoid of positive qualities, but our species ain't bright.
@moveordievision
@moveordievision 2 ай бұрын
+
@ragtimegals
@ragtimegals 4 жыл бұрын
So basically, if you are smart you have no other personality traits, especially positive ones. I’m not someone who has invested a lot of time in enneagram, but I have been classed as a 5 several times. I don’t know if that’s correct, or not, but regardless, I found this video very offensive. I also don’t know the people that you have met that you are drawing your descriptions from, and maybe everything that you are saying is true about them specifically. But the fact that you would think of any group of people collectively in this way makes you come off as very judgmental and reductive. And I don’t think those are good traits for a therapist. Literally everyone has emotions. People who are intellectual, who like to research are usually intelligent, intelligent people are usually more sensitive, perceptive and can be just as emotional as anyone else. Also, being someone who loves to analyze things and figure things out, I found it particularly bizarre when you said that these people don’t want to talk it out when they are in a fight. Any fight I get in with my fiancé, for example, involves me going into detail (because I collect information and analyze it?) about our problem, and he is usually the one who doesn’t talk. I have had the same experience with anyone who I’ve fought with; i, because I store information and know how to logically argue, go off on a huge rant about what my problem is to the point where the other person doesn’t know what to say. That’s my problem, not going silent. Anyway, that’s just one example of how this video makes no sense, but the whole thing really bothered me and I am disgusted by this prejudice towards smart people. Also, just because someone is “intellectual” or whatever, doesn’t mean they’re left brained or into science. I have no interest in science and find that most modern science makes no sense. I personally am interested in philosophy, history, music, etc. and I’ve always identified as right brained. But for some reason being smart and being creative is an inconceivable combination apparently.
@camdizzi2640
@camdizzi2640 4 жыл бұрын
Hello I am also a type five, but I think you are taking her video the wrong way. She never once said that they do not have emotions, but she did mention that they tend to not want to engage in deep conversations about emotion which I find to be true about myself. It might have been a good idea for her to make that more clear but it’s also obvious that everyone experiences emotions unless there is some mental issue preventing that. these videos about the types all come off as stereotypess but that’s because they are describing TYPES. not one person is only one type. learning about the types you scored high in and combining some of those traits is a more accurate way to look at things. Although, for me this video was helpful because I can relate to a lot of it.
@jennyannhelms
@jennyannhelms 4 жыл бұрын
I’m totally hearing you. I did not intend to come across that way because there is A LOT of variations within the 5 group, and 5’s are definitely creative and have emotion - you are absolutely right. I’ll take the feedback though and I appreciate the dialogue - happy to address it more fully via email since I am responding on my phone. I love all of the types and we can all embody them in different ways. The enneagram isn’t a perfect instrument, it’s supposed to give insight into tendencies and desires/spiritual drives. I actually trend towards being a 5 when I’m at my best (as a type 7) and really appreciate the ability to observe & be creative with different situations and solutions. Anyway, glad to talk more. Hope all is well.
@KaMi-gz1il
@KaMi-gz1il 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I don't think you're a five, otherwise you shouldn't be offended with a general description of a five. Besides the ennegram there are so many variables in our lifes that makes us unique individuals. She's not describing you either, remember you can take from people what you want to, so let's don't use the word "offensive" it makes me so sick when people takes everything too personal. Maybe a 4 fits you better lol
@alib8694
@alib8694 4 жыл бұрын
@@KaMi-gz1il Why so bitter? Lol. From the original comment I'd say they are a 5. Nothing in there signals 4. Stop trying to gaslight them about their type just because they pointed out some potential flaws with the video.
@KaMi-gz1il
@KaMi-gz1il 4 жыл бұрын
Ali B oh so you think being a 4 is bad? I’m just making a point I’m not being bitter
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