What’s the Church doing for children of divorced parents? | Chris Stefanick Show

So this week, we’re talking to my friend Rachel Oline, who works with Life-Giving Wounds. It’s a ministry spearheading the movement of pastoral care to Catholics with divorced parents or separated families. If you’ve had to deal with divorce in your own family or know someone who has, this episode will give you hope.
www.lifegivingwounds.org/
▶ Watch the full episode and more on FORMED: bit.ly/3PyhLGm
▶ Get a FREE 7-day trial of FORMED: bit.ly/4aSMpD4
▶ Help support this channel and the Augustine Institute by becoming a member of the Mission Circle: bit.ly/3x5Eq6r
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
FIND ANSWERS ON SOCIAL:
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🔔 SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE: / augustineinstitute
▶ FACEBOOK: / augustineinst
▶ INSTA: / augustineinst
▶ FORMED FACEBOOK PAGE: / formedcatholic

[@mommabeth9052]

Thank you for this. My parents divorced when I was about 12. I used to identify myself as a child of divorce. I did this for many years. Now, my husband and I just celebrated our 30 year anniversary. Praise the Lord!

[@angelmacas1774]

As a father of a 30 year old woman who suffered and continues to suffer from my decision to divorce her mother this is painful and helpful. So much to unpack from such a short interview.

[@Eazzy9092]

If you are Catholic, make amends to your wife and your family for the pain you've caused.

[@hoakerhoaker]

@@Eazzy9092 making amends is a great way to own our part even if we’re not Catholic. The entire 12 Step programs have amends in the 9th step. Bill Wilson worked with a Priest with the Order of St. Ignatius of Loyola, virtually every Priest knows that yet few in AA or any other offshoot 12 Step program know the steps were taken from Catholic, Christian teachings. Great suggestion on your part, I pray he sees your reply. 🙏

[@michellemailloux3592]

"Christ rose with His wounds". Wow...how profound!! I feel sad for people whose parents are divorced. I had an extreme fear of that happening when I was a child. Thankfully my parents are still together.

[@partnersinprime]

Yes, "Christ rose with His wounds" is a life changing statement!

[@eddiej9733]

Thank you for this topic. I left my wife 10 years ago, and the kids were 14 and 5. My wife took it badly and still does, not for any Catholic reason, but for all the I’ll she thinks befell her because of me. I repartnered and was going to divorce but could always tell it would hurt the kids even more. My new partner wanted me to divorce, but I couldn’t and we split up. By that stage I was coming back to the church and realised I was winning anyway. I am still separated from m wife and the kids are still sad kids. Breaks my heart My young boy said once when I was with my new partner ‘but your still married to mum’. And he was too young to understand when I left - but Gods law is written in his heart. I’ve told my son, now 15 that I’ll never repartner or even have relations with another woman. That didn’t make him suddenly ‘well’ again, but at least he knows that I’m am walking the right path for his mum. My daughter refuses to talk to me and is very angry and suffers from acute anxiety. As for my wife, I have always helped her out, bent to favour her in all the interactions, have turned up to the kids functions and performances amidst a sea of judgement and scorn, and is such a giant pain in the arse that I’m not even thinking reconciling. That thought literally sickens me, but if I had only thought about the holy sacrament I was breaking, and the long term effect on the kids…… I’m broken, and contrite in front of God for breaking so many of His living rules…. anyway, it’s brought me back to Jesus via the Church which I’m completely grateful for I continue to be there constantly for the kids, and they know I’m deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused their mum and them…. So will see how it all turns out Talk about crying out from down in the dirt. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve tearfully payed psalm 51….. it’s been 30 years since I’ve been to confession and received the Eucharist, but these are the next things I will do

[@josephzammit8483]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/o4C8l5ushZmhlZI

[@hoakerhoaker]

Oh how humble and contrite you are, welcome home and I’m praying for you and all of your family. Bless you, sir 🙏🌷

[@shepherdessinthefray]

I feel like most of us don't even realize we're wounded, or if we know we're wounded, we don't realize that a part of it (maybe a big part) is because of divorce. Because we don't know anything else, it's our "normal." This is a really important interview, thanks so much.

[@nathanielodell2575]

Leila Miller's book, Primal Loss, helped me more than words can express. My parents divorced when I was eleven. Neither of my parents ever healed from their wounds of divorce and neither have me or my siblings. One suicide and one estrangement later, I found Leila's book and Christ has worked some amazing healing since. The Church NEEDS to be the place where children of divorce find healing for this specific wound which the culture insists isn't a wound in the first place.

[@redrose4026]

Thank you so much for this podcast. I was thinking right now to Divorce my husband. This podcast enlightened me that God doesn't liked divorce. My husband parents both divorced. I noticed to my husband he grew up with crazy family. I remembered my mother told me when I was only teenager she said marriage is a sacrifice. In that way married couple sharing the ✝️ crossed of our Lord Jesus Christ who died for us. Thank you again for sharing this podcast. God bless

[@sueadauctus3306]

My parents didn't divorce,, but my heart hurts for those kids.

[@bethanymeola7849]

Thanks so much for spotlighting this important issue, and Rachel you did an amazing job!!

[@partnersinprime]

Great interview! I'm not from a divorced home, but have loved ones all around me who have been. I appreciate your experience and grateful for information to share with them. Thank you!

[@81048107]

I finally got to the point where I did not talk to my Dad and his 3rd "wife" for over 20 years. She finally passed, and now I am the bad guy with other family members because I won't play ball (they are fallen away Catholics.) I forgive Dad but am not interested in reconciliation with him since he refers to his sins as "mistakes" which marginalizes my wounds. My wounds are my problem, not his. I started not speaking to my Dad when I went to confession and in response to questions about how should I deal with my Dad while he was living in sin, the priest told me to "forget about my Dad." So I did. However, I have always prayed for him, offered masses for him (and his "wives"), and offered penances for him. My current priest is fine with this and keeping contact with him to a minimum. I did notice in the interview that Rachel seemed to be hanging with the divorced parents and their boyfriend/girlfriend whatever. When does an ACOD become complicit in regard to the sins of their parents?

[@n.lindemann1144]

Thanks for your comment. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with a similar situation. My dad iremarried and I feel pressure to go along with it. Where's the line between between being polite vs. letting people know that it's not acceptable?

[@michele_e]

Thank you for talking about and bring awareness to this subject. It is so real and especially in the 70's, we 'just dealt with it' internally - I hope there are more accessible resources for kids now. 40+ years after my parents' divorce, yes, there are still residual issues that my sister and I talked just about last week. Good to be able to talk about it with a sibling who walked similar path (because even as siblings, what we experienced before/after the divorce was different so I'm glad that Rachel acknowledged that stories and healing 'may rhyme', but each path is individual).

[@Eazzy9092]

Divorce the Gift that Keep on Giving - for the rest of the children's life and for the rest of the abandoned, betrayed spouse. For Catholics who know their marriage is VALID (not candy at halloween annulled) suffer for themselves staying faithful and suffer for their children's pain, over and over at every holiday, at every family event, at every special occasion.

[@ninasamuels9482]

Have you ever heard of LEILA MILLER ? Please do , she has written about the subject ins book : Primal Loss . Please read it . She is the most prolific Catholic author in the world about the subject .

[@leilamiller7051]

You are very kind, Nina! 🙏🏻

[@nathanielodell2575]

Leila's book, Primal Loss, helped me more than words can express. My parents divorced when I was eleven. Neither of my parents ever healed from the wounds of divorce and neither have me or my siblings. One suicide and one estrangement later, I found Leila's book and Christ has worked some amazing healing since. The Church NEEDS to be the place where children of divorce find healing for this specific wound which the culture insists isn't a wound in the first place.

[@Eazzy9092]

For those divorced who realize the pain they have inflicted on others, and want to save their soul - God hates divorce, go back to your spouse, God allows U-turns. Go back and fulfill the sacred vow you made. Annulment is not Catholic divorce. Not all marriages are invalid because you became unhappy. Get back to your true spouse, your soul is in peril if you don't.

[@hoakerhoaker]

Sadly, and it’s such a tragedy all around, my friend’s husband walked out on her and their children following a long marriage to “return to his first wife and make things right,” although his first marriage was declared null and void since she wasn’t open to children. It’s a total trauma cluster. Who can wrap their mind around that? Please pray for all involved, and pray for my husband’s heart to soften as well. Thank you in advance. 🙏

[@Eazzy9092]

@@hoakerhoaker Praying daily for all suffering.

[@interceptus]

A lot of reflection went into this interview. Thanks for sharing.

[@australiainfelix7307]

The best discussion I've heard on this topic. Thank you, both of you.

[@christiandpaul631]

Finally someone is talking about the real assault on the family and not some dumb idiotic conversation about homosexuals are to blame. The breakdown is divorce!

[@Valerie__22]

Please please do not constantly interrupt your guests when they’re right in the middle of telling their story. Please. We are listening carefully, and it is frustrating to then have them suddenly stopped or distracted and the conversation take a side road. Thank you. You are presenting good material, and hosting wonderful guests, you are obviously faithful and genuine, but need to allow your guests to finish their sentences if you want listeners to stay and remain engaged.

[@MattKyleBullerthemattkylefiles]

I was so excited to listen to this because my two oldest children’s mother and I are divorced and have both received an annulment and remarried. for whatever reason the audio on this video seems to really need some help at least coming through my speakers. Sometimes both of you mumble and other times you speak up very loudly and so it’s hard to find a good volume to hear everything you say without having my ears blasted randomly.

[@nicoleyoshihara4011]

❤

[@AnnulmentProof]

The fallout from theology of the body... Making "love" the primary purpose of marriage. If love is primary, divorce is never a sin because justice does not pertain.

[@woundtorecoverbar-abusermi2209]

I found that Bible Holy Word that helped me estranged from my family , twelve years ago. God Hates Divirce in the holy bible and when someone else pulls off the scab that God was healing me and my daughter.

[@christiandpaul631]

There are only that are 3 acceptable reasons for divorce - violence, addiction and adultery. The rest is all stupidity.

[@daniellemoss7746]

Actually none of those are valid reasons for divorce in the Catholic Church. Yes… One must separate in order to be safe and keep their children safe in a situation of violence. Separation is allowed…not divorce

[@AnnulmentProof]

@@daniellemoss7746 correct. Separation by ecclesiastical judge only

[@alicemarie3506]

I do not in any way want to minimize this individual's experience, however it doesn't equate to kids who deal with real trauma from divorce, like one parent being absent after the divorce, etc. She honestly sounds narcissistic, and Chris is pulling any negativity into the conversation. No real trauma here...

[@rebeccaadams8527]

So are you saying there is no trauma for children of divorce?

[@alicemarie3506]

@@rebeccaadams8527 maybe read my comment again. When I tuned in I was hoping for some real answers

[@hogandonahue9598]

As a child of divorce myself, this is a good interview about the wounds caused by divorce. You calling her narcissistic makes no sense.

[@JM-ij2nl]

There are so many different types of divorce but alot of similar things are the same. Even my story might not seem meaningful to you because someone else's is worse....I think we can help and pray for everyone who suffers from divorce . I don't think she's a narsassit .

[@JM-ij2nl]

What were you needing to hear ? I pray you find the healing you need 🙏 I had real issues from my parents divorce and after trying on my own , what finally worked was actually realizing Mary is our mother , which means my mother ....I turned to her and I felt such an overwhelming peace and understanding of a mother's flawless love , it helped me to forgive my parents....I rarely go back to that dark place and if I do , I quickly say 3 hail marys and ask for her motherly protection......She will bring you closer and closer to her Son so your heart and mind can heal . I will add you to my rosary today AliceMarie✝️📿