what the problem really is.

[@kata7628]

Retired therapist here - you’re doing great! When you talk about working in issues “surrounding” the main ones; yes, that’s exactly how it works. Improving one area improves all of them a bit, and gives you the strength to look at harder ones. Inner child work is amazingly helpful, all through the day. Are you going to feed your child a healthy meal or a candy bar? Are you going to give your child adequate sleep or scroll TikTok until 3am? It’s a way of caring for yourself - the vulnerable, innocent, deepest part - while examining ways we don’t give ourselves the grace we would give a loved one. Most of us need some re-parenting (no fault to our parents, most of whom we’re doing the best they could). Anytime you’re a harsh critic to yourself, or self-sabotage, or neglect yourself - that needs re-parenting. Big hugs, love your introspection and openness and willingness to go deep!

[@91brittanyc]

Thank you for this! ❤

[@KatelinRebecca]

KZbin shorts of "Complimenting myself for 30 days or until I believe it" is something I would definitely watch lmao. Love you Bea! Happy Holidays! Everything will be alright. ❤

[@Frankumsbutler]

Love this Bea please do it and understand that the “cringe” you feel is your own judgment; not ours! We would love to see it and you deserve the hype :)

[@91brittanyc]

Me too! ❤❤

[@BubblyinUSA2010]

Yes I agree! We love you Bea!❤❤😊

[@Calamitysuz]

"I don't think I trust myself. Why would I?" Hit me right in the gut. You talking through this isn't just helping yourself, although that's the most important thing. It touches other people. Thank you.

[@travellinjack9487]

It's so hard to watch you talk about yourself this way because to me you are a fucking delight! Wish you could see in yourself what we do. Hope your holidays are happy and 2025 is amazing. 🥰

[@91brittanyc]

I agree! I love her so much and wish we could be friends lol ❤

[@joycenesmith-ps8xq]

Something that's helped me cringe less surrounding growth in this area is focusing on self-compassion instead of "self-esteem." Self-esteem feels out of reach, but self-compassion computes in a way that nothing has for me before. There are a few TedTalks about self-compassion that I liked.

[@dianacross7422]

It was crazy to hear you describe all my issues. But then reading all the comments about all these women feeling the same way. Crazy to me to see so many. Thank you all for sharing. It is a relief not to feel so alone for a change. ❤

[@MayMcDonough]

Bea when you started this channel we were the same weight. I have since had a nutritionist, gone to the gym, got on SSRI for my panic disorder, bought/ used a treadmill, been diagnosed with PCOS, MTHFR polymorphism, Fatty Liver, been on Metformin, been on Ozempic, and now I'm 285 pounds and climbing. No matter what other people may think, the mystery of our weight issues is incredibly difficult to solve because they are a combination of subconscious causality and genes being switched on and off unpredictably. Which is to say, fuck this shit, but keep going.

[@DaeSayuki]

I’m on a similar journey as well! I have anxiety disorder and just got onto SSRI the past few months and waiting on diagnoses for other things. Keep at it :) I will too :)

[@MiciousDawn]

I suffered from and currently manage exactly what you're describing. My therapist recommended the book "Regardless of what you were taught to believe, There is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber. It's a really easy read with a straight-forward message. Reading this somehow, some way, I don't know why, gets me to get up and answer those emails I've been anxious about. Or to start the project I've been meaning to start. It's one of those that sits on my nightstand now.

[@Ima-Diamond]

Thank you! I'm ordering that book.

[@kelmike060404]

@@Ima-Diamondme too!!

[@91brittanyc]

Me too!

[@kimmatura3564]

It is obvious to most people what you need to do to not blow up your life, but those of us with childhood trauma, we really struggle. I read in Suzanne Sommers book Keeping Secrets that we create our own chaos. We are comfortable there, we know how to handle chaos. We don’t understand a smooth easy life and how to navigate it.

[@YellowElevenPhoto]

I practiced this several years ago with my negative thoughts about my body. I started noticing when I’d get into a negative spiral, I’d stop, say in my head, “No. That’s my body that moves me around this world, it’s the vessel I live in, and it serves me well.” I didn’t tell myself NO I love that flaw about myself! I just stopped the negative thought spiral with truth, tried to maybe add a little gratitude for what my body does for me and MOVE ON. It really worked for me. Now I have health issues that bring me down (POTS) and now it’s harder for me mentally because I feel like my body is NOT serving me well and not working properly. It’s been a harder negative thought pattern to break, but I’m working on it. You’re amazing Bea. I hope some of what you’re trying helps you overcome this!

[@WOLFIExBABYxSAMMIE]

i have POTS too, felt and I love this idea thank you for sharing

[@AnnieN99]

Oh man I totally get this... I gotta work on it for sure. One thing that occured to me that might be a good way of looking at it is your body is still doing the best it can with what it's given, what it was given in life and how you were formed. Could be something that's been with you since you came to exist but didn't show until later. You're doing the best you can with what you're given. We strive for better all the time but not always able to do so. ❤

[@KatelinRebecca]

THE WAY I RAN TO BEA’S NEWEST VIDEO 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

[@npatriciacastillo6671]

It was like listening to myself as I watched this video. I was in your same shoes to start 2023. I found a book called, "The Kindness Method" and got into therapy to deal with the inner child issues. Both steps were necessary for me. However, I cannot recommend "The Kindness Method" enough! There are assignments you have to do and, for me, they were eye opening. The negative self talk stopped. I turned 50 years old last year and they finally stopped thanks to that book and therapy. Best of luck to you as you go on this journey. It's a hard one but it's so, so worth it!

[@joyfuljourney6854]

If I don’t t have someone that needs me to do something, I won’t do it for myself. Totally relate! ❤

[@LauraRodriguez-Peace]

Totally relatable, Bea. I understand every single word you are saying. No advice to share, because I am certain you will find your way. You are intelligent, self-reflective, and capable of bringing it all together. I just know you will help yourself to remember that you are valued, loved and appreciated…you are absolutely worth it, just truly believe it. You DO deserve it! 💚

[@11herbsandspices]

I feel like I was just listening to myself a few months ago. First, thank you for sharing your heart. Everything said is so incredibly relatable. I think I'll be working on this for the rest of my life, however, I feel like I've grown leaps and bounds from where I was even after twice-daily meditations for 9 years, therapy, books, exercises, and ACA meetings. LOL. One thing that really seemed to change things bigly for me was I wrote a journal entry (in my phone's notes section so I can access easily when I'm down) where I listed all of the things about me that I would really like in a friend/partner/mentor. Sounds cheesy, but bear with me. Some of the things I wrote were: I'm a person of my word and have integrity, I'm diverse in art (photography, painting, sculpting, writing), I'm kind to others (animals and plants included), able to build or fix pretty much anything by watching a few videos, I'm full of new ideas, I am excited to help others when I can. Pretty simple things but when I realized I would respect and cherish others with these traits, I realized "I'm the one I've been looking for." It broke some kind of barrier, likely the abandonment one (being abandoned as a kid by a parent, therefore only understanding and finding comfort in abandoning myself). Not sure if this will help and I feel super vulnerable now (lol) but I appreciate you so much and hope I can help with my own experience. Be kind to you, gurl! You're a freaking rockstar.

[@deneris87]

Why are you always so god damn relatable….You got this, Bea, if you can, we will! ❤

[@yesi.A]

Girl you are not alone I am the same way and I feel so overwhelmed to deal and love myself.

[@Katbee7944]

Whoa. This speaks directly to my head and heart ❤

[@dependsonallthings]

As a subscriber who loves your content, I'll give you unrequested advice. Your insight is amazing and already a huge step plus you got amazing comments and book recommendations, but I would also try to "think outside yourself". Maybe try to volunteer weekly or get a part-time job or activity where your focus is not so much on how you feel and what you can do about your life but on what you can make other people feel and what your actions can do to other people's lives. (or animals or whatever you feel more passionate about) Your work and all the amazing benefits, like the flexibility and not having coworkers or bosses, can become a double-edged sword. On top of that, having part of your life tied to your income, specifically your weight loss journey, can also play a role in your behaviors (subconsously). I hope you don't take this the wrong way. Love ya!

[@dollyperry3020]

I've lost almost 100 of a 150 goal. But I have also spent years in similar shoes to yours. The more we get to know ourselves and our wounds the better we can deal with it. I truly believe that we can design our perfect weight loss system. I have done/doing it twice. I have faith in you!

[@kristycargile6917]

Bea. GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!! So freaking relatable. Can't wait to hear how it goes 🌹

[@siipeace]

I can relate to this too much.. I hope you’ll find the way and start living a great peaceful and happy life.

[@Ginmabes]

Bea, thanks so much for this. I have been realising some similar things, too. I have a great life but there are behaviours and patterns I am noticing with myself and when I dig deeper I've realised that wow, there are some really deep-seated bad self worth things going on there. Some of the things I believe about myself...it's really sad to acknowledge it.

[@moodyinpink]

I can relate SOO much! I know what I need to do to feel great. I know what I do that makes me miserable. Whyyy do I keep doing those things when I KNOW how bad they make me feel, physically and mentally. It's like my subcouncious wants to keep me miserable, because change is harder than the comfort of usuality.

[@celeste4356]

I'm 64 & you just described me 100% 😂 I'm the queen of self sabotage, the caregiver to all. Dammit! Thought you were gonna have the answer! Sometimes I wonder if I take on caring for others, animals included, just to have the excuse of no time for me🤷‍♀️ Hugs to you.

[@alyrivers7864]

I've been reading this book titled "feel the fear and do it anyway". It was written in 80s so some aspects are a bit dated lol but she does go into how positive thinking requires constant practice, and how our fear is powered by self doubt. So I could relate so much! I haven't finished the book yet but it's definitely a helpful read so far!

[@rivermelon]

this hits home so hard and I needed this reminder..grateful that you were vulnerable and open enough to chat about this. i believe in you bea!! and i believe in myself too. :) we gots this! 🎉

[@girltriesgames]

It's like you were listening to my last therapy session 😅

[@davismincey3167]

Listen, Bea, you are speaking your truth and mine. Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel!

[@rileyd3830]

Hey Bea and everyone else in the comments - I think this has resonated with so many people, myself included. I started doing inner child focused therapy this year as the child of an alcoholic in recovery and it has been one of the most difficult and rewarding things I’ve done for myself. Having a second perspective to pull you out of that shame cycle when you think about your younger self is invaluable. I’ve been watching your videos for a few years. They always brighten my day. I’m around your age and see so much of myself in you, and maybe loving your content helps me like myself a little bit more too. And that’s valuable.

[@KG-sv2md]

I have the same struggles with food & lifestyle - I even read the book Good Energy which gave me a lot of good info and ideas about how I wish I would eat and live life, but I never stick to it and I know it is all my fault. I always feel stuck, and it leads back to me being my own worst enemy every time. So frustrating. I get it. I related to everything you said. 😭 Best wishes to you, girl!

[@WOLFIExBABYxSAMMIE]

felt so hard

[@scwp14]

I relate so much to what you are saying. I'm sick and tired of self sabotaging myself. My goal for 2025 is to get better to stop this and take better care of me.

[@imperfectperfection7425]

Not sure if you will read this but I have just been working through this exact thing with someone I love. Took a lot to burrow beneath the self sabotage and the shame and fear but beneath it all was anger. Anger at what had happened to this person. Anger that had never been expressed or released. If you can identify the underlying feeling that drives the negative patterns you can start to heal and give yourself grace. Love you x

[@DizzyLizziePop]

This is so relatable to me right now. I feel a lot of the same feels and also recognizing I self sabotage constantly. I’ve been working on myself as well, journaling and writing letters, meditation has been huge for me and I feel that I am finally seeing clarity in some aspects. My heart is with you girl! It’s a struggle but I’m feeling hopeful for this upcoming year.

[@caterinaa8332]

Hi Bea... I am going through your same exact struggle. Started on Wegovy (low dose) and it is finally giving me hope and I have been able to keep the weight off (consisently losing 1lb per week. No more no less)

[@Xx1shanae1xX]

Literally me with mounjaro, best decision ive ever made 😄

[@babygrizwold]

I'm on the same thing I started in September and I dropped 20 lb so far. I still have about 60 to go. What I like about it is that taking it every week it's almost like it gives me a mental boost. Because I know it's working for me so it's very easy to go downstairs and do my workout and just have a really good mental feeling about yourself. Glad it's working for you also!! 🎉

[@carly2764]

Really excellent internal detective work, seriously! You might want to look into IFS therapy, which stands for "Internal Family Systems." It's not perfect, but has some helpful strategies for starting to untangle these brain things. Sounds like the meditation you mention might have been an IFS one.

[@pb9401]

Having the courage to work it out on video is next level! You rock Bea! You don’t know how many people needed to witness what you are doing!

[@maryshannon3326]

So glad to see you back here today! You are very wise to have made this discovery about your thinking, and I believe many of us struggle with self-worth issues. Kristin Neff has some good work on self-compassion. I feel a lot of the exercises suggested by many sources are cringey, too. Like looking at yourself in a mirror and saying affirmations. But maybe we just need to try more of them. The hardest part is really believing them, but maybe that comes with consistent practice. I'm glad you are embarking on this process, at a younger age than some of us out here! You are a rock star in my book. You are very honest and authentic and you never give up. Rooting for you, always!

[@kittypryde_1378]

I’ve been working on this with therapy for a few years now. It gets better, but always a work in progress. Sometimes, I go back to it without thinking and have to refocus. 🖤

[@mentallytimetravelling]

No matter what, we love you Bea! ❤❤❤

[@kristothetea]

The timing of this video is incredible. I felt your every word to my core.

[@juliehoot3916]

Alot of us can relate with what you are going through. You are not alone!

[@Adustlandfaerytale]

I feel this. I tried for years to build self compassion. With adhd and the trauma that can come with that, it felt so out of reach. Cbt counseling ended up feeling more like a vent session because of verbal processing. The things that helped me the most were dbt, emdr specifically around self hating beliefs and Internal Family Systems ( is cringy). No Bad Parts is an excellent book on IFS and gives you concrete activities to try. I found these kinds of direct activities more helpful than abstract self affirmations personally. I still have shit days but a lot less of them. I never realized how much of a mental weight and how much suffering I carried around. Fuck that noise❤ You got this.

[@thesoulsparx]

I think I’m the worst when it comes to self sabotage and punishing / judging myself. I’m my own harshest critic but I have no problem giving love, compassion, respect and patience to everyone else. You have incredible introspection, so half the battle is already won, just need the practicum to achieve your goals. *BIG hugs* you’ll get there. 😊

[@MushroomMoonbeam]

Wow this really hits home. Thank you for putting into words what I never could ❤️

[@SusanLynch-b3g]

You are a very honest person sending hugs happy holidays xx

[@JennaL-rv5sk]

I get this. 100% get this. I did the same thing, still do to a point. I have just gotten to the point where I'm taking care of myself for the first time in my life and I am slowly getting to where I want to be. It takes time to get there. and I'm not sure if it ever gets easier to put yourself first. but it is doable. my mantra is just one more moment. just one more hour, just one more day. but I also have crippling anxiety. so if I do one thing for myself daily, I'm on the right track.

[@lizethmedina-amador8501]

Love you, Bea! I’ve been following you for years now and with this video I understand why I liked you so much from the beginning :). It’s because your character resonates so much with mine. We have a lot of the same internal struggles. Finding self worth is an ongoing process, for sure; one that I am also actively working on. You are sooo strong and I see your resilience and determination for self improvement. I commend you for it!

[@91brittanyc]

Bea, you just described everything I deal with as well. Thank you for sharing because I needed this! I’m currently looking up journal prompts for self worth now. ❤

[@lyssalove1992]

You’re very very relatable in so many ways Bea. With your health challenges, mental challenges and relationship ones as well… the fact that you are looking inwards is a start. Keep going. I went through this for YEARS. You will find what works for you and your life and one day it will all work itself out. You just have to keep pushing and never stop learning about you.. ❤❤❤

[@deaddoll7618]

The pep talk I didn't know I needed. Thanks for sharing out loud.

[@jennifermarie5328]

I adore you Bea..and I can relate to this so much

[@melslatt]

Negative self-talk really brings and keeps you down! My husband and I focused on this several years ago and it's been really helpful for our mental health. Learning to give myself grace has helped so much with preventing a downward spiral. Like when I sleep in on the weekend, instead of beating myself up about it and wasting the whole day, I tell myself I must have needed the rest and that I still have the rest of the day to do the things I need/ want to accomplish. It takes time and practice, but it's so much less stressful to be kinder to myself. And I also think it helps me be kinder to my husband and to others. Good luck girl!

[@agraphic9494]

Missed you on here! I have been working with a therapist on self-acceptance or compassion. It’s harder to conceptyalize than I think it should be but here I am.. when I think of the “inner child” little me is still in there along with all the versions of myself. She’s doing her best to be seen and heard, and instead of pushing back and telling her to stop, I’m working to acknowledge when I notice I’m in self sabotage mode. Best of luck to you ❤️ proud of you from afar!

[@Veruvia]

I 100% feel you on this: I do the same thing. You have some really good ideas on how to get over it, though! You can do it!

[@cherieleeishere]

Bea thank you as always for your honesty 🙏🏽 each word resonated with me. And I hope we and all who feel, believe and think this way, actually find a healthy path through. ❤

[@ashtree68]

Hey Bea! I’ve been watching your channel pretty much since the beginning back in 2020, and I just wanna say: give yourself some more credit! 💜 Seeing how far you’ve come in so many different aspects of your life since the start of your channel (buying two houses, starting a YT career and building a really awesome online community, finding a supportive partner, and doing a TON of internal self-work) is honestly inspiring. Obviously, I don’t doubt that there are many parts of your life that probably don’t make it onto KZbin, but seriously… You deserve to be proud of yourself, and not beat yourself up so much. Yes, it’s important for everyone to be working on themselves and moving towards goals; but at the same time, make sure to appreciate where you are/how far you’ve come, as opposed to spending all your energy focused on what you haven’t achieved yet.

[@hollywebster6844]

A gentle encouragement to remember this change in self perception will take years, not weeks or months. You have 32 years of others degrading your worth and of yourself degrading your worth. Change will happen slowly and unevenly. I think my own journey to silencing my inner abusive self talk took 10 years of dedicated work. This undoing is really, really difficult and painful, but is totally worth it.

[@karigranger3120]

Trauma bond. It feels right to us when we feel like that ,unfortunately. It's like any other addiction. I'm the same. That's why I started watching your channel. We do all the right things and then with one mistake...BOOM. Hang in there.This too shall pass

[@lindsayjohnson5672]

I feel so seen. This is why I like your videos bc you tell me about myself by telling me about yourself. Thank you for being so open 💕💕

[@Cindyscrossstitch]

The greatest thing anyone can do is self love. Give ourselves grace, we are not perfect, no one is. ❤✨️

[@Katbee7944]

Also, for me, i’ve always had to be so responsible, so adult, so strong since I was young that even when I now want to do something (at 58 years old) I rebel. Even if it’s something I know I want for myself 😮

[@Riiv4]

Bea - this was me about 1-2 yrs ago! This exact realization, it might as well have be me that said this. Introspection, perception change, psychoanalysis of self. This is how I came out of most my anxiety and having low self worth. It's been hard but giving yourself so much grace is important and while thinking about childhood can be good, it can always be counterproductive. Leave your past in the past. We have so much life left and so much to give ourselves. We are allowed to reinvent who we are and how we think about everything. Biggest thing I let go of that has helped so much is social media. I have none what so ever. I have a handful of people I watch on KZbin and that's it. Another big one is being grateful helps with feeling worthy. Easier said than done but why wouldn't we deserve the good things we have? We all deserve love and kindness and people and our accomplishment. The imposter syndrome can either be imposter syndrome or just self doubt. We want big things and sometimes when we have them they feel small. Celebrate everything! Say out loud STOP when the negative thoughts happen and think about good things. Lastly, don't give a fuck about what anyone says ever! Do what you want and live how you want. You got this!

[@kellymoody8326]

Wow, this is deep. I don’t have any answers other than to say you deserve better, because you are worth it. ❤️

[@FromWest2Midwest]

Thank you for the video Bea.

[@kathyjam2482]

This is the most relatable thing I have read in a very long time.

[@mvlara44]

Self sabotage- we’ve all been there. And, I feel what you are saying about helping everyone and everything else, but not myself, or starting to and then just self destructing. You’re going through this with PCOS and I’m going through it with perimenopause. Forgive your inner child/tween/teen, then say “love ya, bye! I gotta focus on current me!” And, ya gotta recognize all you have achieved. You own two homes, you quit your job, you opened yourself up to and have a healthy relationship, and you even delved into the whole dad thing. All of this during and after the world imploding during a pandemic. Not to mention the huge number of people you inspire! Celebrate the wins! You are WORTHY! You DESERVE all the good things! xoxo

[@humm23]

Main Character energy is what we all need. I am the Main Character in my life, and I get everything I ever dream of. This is the energy I try to live by

[@destinylandrum747]

This is literally so me!! Everything you said is so relatable!

[@sixftturkey]

Bea you aren’t alone. my 10yo is going thru a lot of confidence issues and doing the work to help them work thru tho feelings has brought a lot of my own insecurities up to the surface. as adults i think we start to get so caught up in the “supposed to dos” that we forget to take these moments to love ourselves.

[@lilasiansquat4526]

Just the other day, I had a similar realization that I don’t appreciate myself or see value in myself. My dad was talking about my cousin and how she’s on the university sports team winning these tournaments and also traveling and doing study abroad. I kept being like “omg she’s so much better than me” my dad was like “i told her you recently did a half marathon” to which I said “but it’s not like I won anything”. I always shut down compliments and whenever I do accomplish something, such as getting into a competitive doctorate program, in my head I’m like “this wasn’t actually that hard and anyone can do this”. I would love to see you do challenges for building your self worth because I would love to try them too

[@amandapalicka3147]

So many things here ❤ your autism and adhd diagnosis have a lot to do with making sense of why you did things the way you did as a child and knowing that it wasn’t because you’re weird, it’s because your brain functions differently. Giving your childhood self forgiveness and grace. I personally did EMDR therapy that helped me heal some childhood trauma and relationship trauma and it really changed my life. Learning to like yourself and then eventually love yourself is a lot of work but you are worth every step of that ❤ I used to full blown hate myself. It was awful and draining. Through therapy and a loving partner and working on myself outside of therapy idk if I love myself yet but I’m getting closer. You are worth every step it takes to finding that peace ❤

[@mellody540]

Thank you for sharing this. It’s hard to learn to love yourself to the same degree that you love others. When someone tells you that they love you, believe that they mean it to the same capacity that you do for them. Their actions will also reinforce that kindness and care. I hope you enjoy a positive and joyful experience from this self-exploration ❤

[@Redpruett]

Hey Bea! I’ve been following you since the beginning and I literally only watch like 2-3 people on here consistently. Everything you say totally makes sense and I’ve always appreciated your transparency and process of learning! All that to say, I’m a DBT therapist and would highly recommend looking into DBT if you haven’t! It’s all about the things you’re talking about (acceptance and making change, non judgmental observation, self compassion, etc)!! I could go on and on but I won’t! Always wishing you the best!! Loved: “Yeah, introspection!” 😂

[@sarahmitchell9650]

I recently started this workbook with my therapist - The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive by Kristen Neff. Super helpful in learning to love yourself and accept who you are

[@Kat-tr2ig]

My therapist noticed that I would bend over backward for others (my kids, my friends, my family, etc) but not do anything for myself...and even actively neglect myself. I think it comes from being raised in a religious family where acts of service were seen as the most pious thing you can do, which isn't bad, but then there's the belief that anything you do for yourself is "selfish". So my therapist recommended seeing myself as a different person, a child to take care of. And then treat myself like I would treat this child. It's not easy, especially after 45+ years of self-denial. But I'm getting there.

[@angelac2807]

Right there with ya!! I am that person..self sabotaging..let's figure it out..I'm here for it..and YOU!! :)

[@bluejeanteddybear]

If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself. It takes practice, but you can get there. Love your videos.

[@writeathomewithRachel]

We are all our own worst enemies. My mantra since March has been to give myself grace. It's hard sometimes to overcome the ticker tape of thoughts in your head. I'd definitely recommend trying all the things and see what works for you and what doesn't. I've found it useful to journal celebrations and reflections daily. I note down even small achievements like making myself good food or giving myself permission to rest to celebrate, and if I've got any learnings from the day I capture those too like realising that I have a tendency to think I don't achieve a lot when I do. Good luck with your journey. 💛

[@peculiarstar5778]

as someone who's quite a bit older: embrace the positives as you recognize them. don't punish yourself when things don't come out perfectly. don't force, just pay attention, be in the moment and embrace the good and the better. most important is acceptance... fighting it is sadness and resentment and self-judgement and hate.

[@HalfJapMarine]

Internalized shame was the reason behind my coping mechanisms. Heide Priebe on youtube made an excellent video about Toxic Shame and how to heal from it.

[@kathleenspeegle3517]

Many years ago, a therapist gave me the mantra, “I’m a good person and I’m doing the best I can” It’s helped me many times throughout my life to remind myself, I am okay and not to keep punishing and beating myself up. Luv ya sis💕

[@jess88somanycats]

“The goal isn’t to think that I’m the baddest b*tch that entered the building…” Why the heck not, Bea? You can be the baddest YOU! As someone who used to have a very negative internal dialogue I’m living proof that all the affirmations and meditations and post-it notes, etc. really CAN WORK! I was probably around your age when I started delving into self love work. Now I’m in my fifties and am so glad I did the hard work. I see other women my age and older who still beat themselves up and I feel empathy towards them.

[@ivylovesrunning]

BetterHelp has classes on Shame and Guilt. I took those as well as PTSD group therapy. Those helped a great deal that cracked it for me. Those 3 things helped me immensely. I didn't realise how much shame and guilt I was carrying around. I know how it feels. It took me till I got into my 40s. Dang! Affirmations were hard for me. I found the hardest thing for me to say to myself was, I love you while looking at myself. I couldn't do it and cried. It took a long time. Give yourself grace and tune.

[@DorianGray-gf6vz]

Bea! I’ve loved and related to you since the beginning. What you’re describing is so normal! This is why a lot of people don’t want to retire. Most thrive on having structure, a routine of responsibilities, and you are just not self motivated to impose that on yourself. You know how some days you go go go and get so much done, and days when all you have to do is mail a check.. that check is the hardest thing to write ever. You just need a way to keep your momentum going, to not get stuck. I think you’d do well with a part time, low stress job that gives you that structure to make better use of the time you do have. Something makes me want to suggest you work part time in a library? All the best to you ❤

[@dianesilly2376]

I had the same problem when I was more overweight. I never wanted to disappoint other people but I didn't treat my body well. I think it is just easier in the short term to eat what you want to feel better emotionally. Having lost 70 lbs and kept it off for 8 years now. I would recommend baby steps and consistency. It took me around 4 or 5 years to finally loose the weight. The way I did it was sustainable and I kept it off because I got used to the lifestyle change.

[@JudyPoynter-w7j]

Bea, You are so nice, kind, creative, and definitely worth all the time I've spent watching your videos. You have over a thousand people checking in and enjoying your videos. If you are that impressed with Steven, hang onto him and don't let go. It makes me happy to hear you found someone who is so great for you. Never think you're not enough. I would be proud if you were my daughter. Since you're not, I am proud of you as my friend.

[@AutumnMoonlight95]

My husband deals with this issue too and I do to some extent as well. I had him watch this with me and we're hoping to try some of things things you mentioned. I've heard some of the ideas over the years but we also find it hard to implement them because they feel so cringe. But he admits he needs to stop self sabotaging. Back in the early 80s my mother went on a very low sugar diet and lost weight. Then she and my father were invited to a neighborhood gathering and while she was there she decided to have a cookie and she got so sick that night.

[@marissa630]

I’ve always had positive self talk, probably from just how I was raised and my surroundings; BUT I notice something I do that is not common, is when I leave a room from a meeting, or an interaction, I’ve always naturally replayed what I think their perceptions of me where and I’ve always leaned towards “wow she’s very competent, and articulate” etc. because honestly that’s how I read the room and how I feel. Some friends I have do the EXACT opposite and it’s makes them so paranoid or nervous. Recognizing it, like you said, and labeling is HUGE in not giving value to that inner monologue. Also you probably had no problem taking care of others at work because you assumed their standards were higher than yours for yourself. Super common approach I’ve had similar problems of being really good at something, creating it as a habit, and then abandoning it as some form of self sabotage that I can’t understand lmao. So it’s interesting to hear how similar that is.

[@amiemitchell9577]

Listening to you today, 100% me too. Looking forward to your journey, and selfishly hoping it will help me too.

[@hoosiermama3001]

I heard Mel Robbins suggest putting a post-it note on your bathroom mirror with the outline of a hand. When you brush your teeth, look at yourself in the mirror and give the hand (which represents you) a high five. Sometimes I even say Good job! lol A little cringe, but every little bit helps! I also recommend the book Reframe Your Brain. Thanks for sharing your struggles and journey with all of us!

[@xLoveLexii]

This is so relatable ❤

[@DeniseLush]

You are definitely not alone. Everything you were saying, I was nodding my head in agreement. Totally get what you're saying. You'll have to keep us posted on how you're doing with being nicer to yourself.

[@laurenragland5002]

a tough love approach works...because there is love there...not because there's only being hard on yourself or shaming. It's done because you know you are capable and you know you're enough and you want to see that potential come to light. There has to be a positive layer underneath it all...that's why it's called tough love not: torture to change

[@leslieann364]

Girl, I feel this so much. ❤

[@heatherlee111]

I was wondering about the meditation, I remember you had made that little meditation spot outside. Not that you'd use it in the cold weather, lol. It really helps me to get quiet, light a candle, some incense, and sit by a window to collect my thoughts. Hope you find something that works for you. You're definitely not alone.

[@FangerZero]

All I heard "Steven is an absolutely great guy!" Don't push him away!

[@bethwhetsell9566]

Bea most of us have similar feelings. You have to make the changes. I read this book, 'The Shift by Tori Johnson'. Sometimes we have to change and shift our thought processes to make the change. We also havecto allow ourselves to be first and priority and others needs follow. Our childhood shapes us and it is hard to let the past not intrude on our present and future. I still struggle but have learned to honor me and my needs.

[@leighschannel9904]

It's called positive self talk. Everytime you find yourself talking negative you have to find 3 or more positive things. Have you tried keto/ carnivore. My mental state had cleared a lot more and I get manic too. Eating a low carb diet, can help with weight loss, but also the mental health. I reccommend a 90 day challenge..I started watching your videos and, the way you put it out there and tried different things got me motivated. I have problems with consistency too. But now I am low carb. Lost almost 50IBs. The only thing I do know is if I slip up, I will keep.coming back to this, because I feel.good and it works. You keep the introspection going. All success is important even the mental stuff.

[@mirsmeditation]

You've got this Bea!