What to Do When Your Child Is Struggling - Keynote Lecture Kesher Nafshi

Do Not Take Advice From People Who Don’t Feel the Pain of Your Children
Rabbi YY Jacobson presented this keynote lecture at the Kesher Nafshi Shabbaton which was at the Raleigh hotel, in South Fallsburg, NY, Friday 27 Sivan, 5783, June 16, 2023.
On June 9, 2023, four children were found in the Amazon jungle, after being stranded there for forty days following a plain crash. How did they survive the harrowing ordeal? Rabbi YY uses this story as a metaphor to explain how we need to help ourselves and our loved ones survive in our own jungles. We need parents who believe in us and will never give up the connection; we need to know what works and what is ineffective; we need to understand trauma and dissociation; and we must have support.
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[@steele0strella]

Rabbi YY clips literally save lives. So in touch with reality of the modern problems all age groups are facing. I can't imagine him not having the most proud mother in law in the world. I don't know if they still print magazines, but i've said it before that Rabbi YY Jacobson deserves the cover of TIME magazine. Absolutely profound. Genius in fact. Thank you Rabbi YY

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Thanks so so much; it means so much to me.

[@judilano770]

I can’t agree more 🙌

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Thanks so so much from the depth of my heart.

[@tap4insight]

This is the message of Eliyahu! To turn the Hearts of the fathers and mothers to the children and the children’s hearts to the fathers.

[@richardpage7323]

I hope it happens but the age we're living in... ay yi yi.

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

@@richardpage7323 Its happening, all the time!! We can trust the words of Eliyahu.

[@pinishaool4068]

Thank you very much Rabbi may Hashem bless you with all the things you do

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

amen, thanks, same to you.

[@עדןגולדמן-כ4ז]

דברי אלוקים חיים ממש! תודה רבה לרב ג'ייקובסון, שליח כ"כ חשוב ומרפא בדורינו לחינוך ילדים באופן של חנוך לנער עפ"י דרכו, וממילא גם כי יזקין לא יסור ממנה, או לפחות יוכל לשוב אליה מאהבה. הרב, אל תבוש מן המלעיגים והמלעיזים. אתה שנמצא בקשר עם כ"כ הרבה נערים, הורים ואנשי מקצוע, שמחובר לשטח באמת ולא רק מדקלם ציטוטים מהספרים - אתה בר סמכא אמיתי לחינוך ילדים ונוער "נושר". תודה שאתה מביא ריפוי עמוק לעולם, הקשבנו מקרית ארבע חברון בשקיקה ובלענו כל מילה בצמא ובהתרגשות!

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

אה. אני מודה לך מעומק הלב על הדברים וההדים הנשגבים ובפרט על החיזוק ועידוד ואישור והשראה. זה מאד מאד משמעותי. בכבוד ובברכה רבה

[@baileysmith2434]

Rabbi YY, We need more Rabbi's like you. That speaks up about abuse.. The ones that keep quiet are enablers. Enablers are as guilty as abusers.

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Yea I agree so so deeply

[@daryamordinson5663]

Danke!

[@bneihaneviim]

Thank you Rav. May Hashem give you the strength to keep spreading Torah to all Am Israel!

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

todah rabah meod meod

[@bruriahherman]

This is so powerful , compassionate, and authentic!!!

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Yasher koach, I appreciate your feedback deeply

[@baileysmith2434]

Education, Education, Education.... To many people living in a bubble. THIS WILL NEVER END IF WE DON'T KEEP SPEAKING UP AND MAKING ALL ABUSERS ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR HORRIFIC ACTIONS.....

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Yea yes. Absolutely. Each one of us must be an ambassador of awareness and truth and love and healing

[@judilano770]

And here, 10 months later, still listening to this magnificent talk🩷

[@petergross818]

Your thoughts made me cry. I felt I was listening to a true master of Tahv Mindedness. Thank you from my heart. Peter (Amram)

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

thanks Peter so so much

[@AvaParnass]

Fantastic talk. Appreciate the combination of Torah and psychology.

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Thanks very much, that means a lot

[@WaveformV1.0]

I am someone who has travelled the road of healing beside a victim of horrific abuse who made the long journey of healing and became a councillor helping others. It cost me everything, but decades later I have found a deeper peace. I only just found out that I am Hebrew. I have a home now.

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Thank you 🙏

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

you are welcome

[@Christopherurich33]

I can relate too what his opening speech was about almost felt personal not sure how too explain

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

thanks so so much, may we all internalize it

[@yitzchakchiaravalle1885]

Thank you Rabbi Jacobson

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

you are welcome

[@user-br5qx9ht6c]

Powerful

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

thanks so so much

[@tziyiyareiter2283]

Rabbi Jacobson..I would have just said to the woman about her daughter.. Look in her eyes, tell her how wonderful and cute she was as a child. Tell her that you love her very much. Life is a rollercoaster and I'm here anytime you want to talk. Give her a big hug. Bake her cookies for breakfast. Just love her.

[@djv115233]

BLESS YOU Rabbi

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

amen, right back at you

[@richardpage7323]

Aymeen. ❤

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Yes yes. And thank you.

[@richardpage7323]

​@@RabbiYYJacobsonShvua tov and I want you and Simon to know, I love you both and am so thankful for you both. your words triggered 7 intense years of tsheuva and suffering. May be it be that I live to meet you both and have coffee together.

[@henrybenwaresr.8522]

If I had 1 pray the most needed from this Rabbi I would say please always ask for each Jews Beit Din to Manifest for that reason of Paperwork?

[@reneemohadeb9505]

🔥🔥🔥🔥 💥💥💥💥💥

[@miriamadahan1730]

When it comes to abuse, all the laws of lashon hara are used to PROTECT THE ABUSER. As a therapist, this is what I hear every day - that victims are told, "If you see anything bad in another person, it means YOU are bad. If you report it, you are disloyal to your family and community. If you tell anyone what happened, that means you're guilty of lashon hara and a bad person who will be severely punished. Talking about any bad traits in another person is wicked and deserving of punishment. There are NO bad people in the frum world. No one does anything bad. If you see someone doing something bad, YOU must immediately go silent and then forgive and forget. If someone does something bad to you, you must deserve it. If you someone does something that hurts you, you must have pity on THEM. If you feel hurt, ignore your feelings and focus on how much pain THEY are in. If you report abuse, that makes YOU the abuser! If you have suffered abuse, that means you deserve to be shunned, excluded and vilified. If it's a parent who abused, you must forgive them and suffer their abuse to show that you honor them. If the husband is the abuser, you must know that a righteous woman can change the most corrupt, over-controlling, drug-addicted, unfaithful, porno-watching, dishonest. homosexual man just by showing more love and respect. If he hasn't changed, then YOU are not being more submissive and respectful. It's all YOUR fault. If it's a vindictive, over-controlling wife, it's YOUR fault for not being more quiet and conciliatory. The VICTIM IS ALWAYS blamed. In a custody battle, the ABUSER almost always wins.

[@Christopherurich33]

Thank God the children are ok I feel for their heart break

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Yes a miracle

[@Etobicoke67]

My family condemn me for speaking out about generational trauma. Their denial helps them keep up appearances of success in this world, whilst my lack of material success is seen as punushment for telling "lies" or exaggerating my Father's sexual/physical abuse from when I was 1 until 8 and emotional abuse until he died when I spoke out and he could not take it. He neglected his health to avoid direct suicide. A trauma therapist psychiatrist told me abusers with some conscience commit direct or indirect suicide when confronted with their guilt. Dad was a lapsed christian and survivor of abuse from his dad and uncle. My Mom hid being Jewish, but ended up marrying into an anti Jewish family. Now B"H, I am slowly building a life without familt but with Hashem even if most people, including newly found Jewish cousins, cannot be supportive and avoid this issue because it is too much for them to handle. It is between me and Hashem.

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

I am so so sorry. May you have all the strength you need to find healing and bring awareness and to your own life and to those around you.

[@WaveformV1.0]

It would be an honour to be friends with someone of your strength if you ever want to reach out.

[@judilano770]

Hi @rabbiYY, i want to translate this in french and italian, please ✌️💗

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Sure. With pleasure!

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

My mother never validated my voice as a child screamed at me never told me she loved me her explanation is that she was a rescapée of the shoa and doesn’t know who her dad is iam afraid she will never changed at almost 80 she puts my daughter against me shamed me estranged me disposed of me rejected me for more than 40 years and now she keeps me away from my daughter very traumatic

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Maybe you can get good advice from a real expert

[@דניאלהדני]

כבוד הרב, יש לך כמה הרצאות בעברית, נשמח אם תמשיך לדבר בעברית. תודה רבה

[@עדןגולדמן-כ4ז]

יש לרב הרצאות גם בעברית וגם באנגלית. כאשר הוא מלמד ומרצה בארהב, בוודאי שמדבר אנגלית, שהקהל יבין.

[@דניאלהדני]

@@עדןגולדמן-כ4ז אבל בנושא הזה כדאי שיהיה גם בעברית

[@דניאלהדני]

@@עדןגולדמן-כ4ז גם יהודים לומדים תורה צריכים לדעת עברית

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

יש כמה וכמה בעברית. בבקשה להרשם לערוץ היו טוב שלנו בעברית. יש שיעור חדש בעברית כל שבוע

[@baileysmith2434]

IGNORANCE IS BLISS (Have that mother reach out to me).....

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

It certainly is

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

I wish my mother could say iam sorry for the pain I have caused you I would heal faster but she is a narcissist a covert narcissist putting family members against one the other I told her my daughter wrote me these horrible things you know what she said leave your daughter alone .I will tell your daughter to block you .I understood how sick 🤒 Sick egocentric selfish horrible individual she was she told the family many bad things about me in Israel she never taught me Hebrew she cut ties for me for many years then all of a sudden became generous but it’s not money I needed. I needed her unconditional love her kindness her compassion her understand I got none of that and she screwed my life when things are not okay she goes I will have you committed so I can’t be around her but iam not going to be defeated iam not going to let her take destroyed me in the eyes of my own daughter .

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

I am so so sorry. May you find all the support and strength you need to find all the healing you need.

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

I have to forgive my mother because I don’t want her shame me anymore iam 57 She wishes me to be alone and to suffer what kind of a Jewish mother she is she brainwashed my daughter tells her bad things about me my mother has more money but she should bring the family together instead she lives in hate resentment she loves everyone but her children she separates when I felt sick in Israel she said you can’t see a doctor here can you believe and can you believe that my daughter cut me off her life and that her grandmother is happy doesn’t teaches her the values of the Torah it’s sad I could not expressed myself I had to to walk on egg shells she never asked once how are you if I started to tell her what the dentist an evil dentist did to me or what my brother did to me she did not want to hear and sided with my predators her trauma became a family trauma she did not raise me to be strong she raised me to live like a victim

[@margo_noahide]

❤

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

Thanks so so much for sharing. I’m so so sorry for all the heartbreak. May you have all the strength you need

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Hi shalom since rav meir a friend of mine of 50 years came to put mezuzots on all my doors outside inside divine miracles happened he also asked me to write a letter to put at the new York great Rabbi resting place since that my daughter unblocked me from whatsapp communicates with me told me she loves me and misses me se t me picture of her mazal iam so like wow thank you God and she is coming in september back to Paris she was born at cornel hospital in Manhattan 22 years ago I haven't been with anyone since I hope I will meet a good Jewish man we are still young and healthy I guess I have to pray specifically for that I am not on any dating app iam too scared to meet weirdos I really hope that I will meet someone soon the problem is that iam in Paris and not in New York city I made a lot of sacrifice for my daughter to be American. I left With my baby after domestic violence I saved us both a Jewish guy Daniel bornstein we were engaged I could not go through the wedding please don't judge I got pregnant before my marriage the guy was so drunk that he forgot to sign the birth certificate again it was gods intervention she has my name I don't regret moving away safety first I have a great kid sadly her dad never wanted to be part of her life he Contacted her through Facebook and promised to visit my daughter be part of her life I was willing to let it happen for her happiness to have a daddy it he let her down so she decided to block him it was her decision sadly not all jews are good and you k ow what because they don't live by the Torah teachings the respect the traditions the ethics and sometimes it has nothing to do with religion sometimes it is the nature of man that is evil well that said god loves me because he saved us from chaos amen

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

@@RabbiYYJacobson Thank you Rabbi I appreciate you and your kind reply from Paris France

[@shmatke]

SKOYACH!

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

todah rabah

[@revitalzarur7956]

You resonate with me,

[@RabbiYYJacobson]

thanks so much