What Victims of Emotional Abuse Really Need | Dr. David Hawkins

Narcissists--usually men--have a high propensity for manipulating any situation in their favor because of their need to assert superiority in their relationships. This causes their partners to have a fragmented sense of authority and perceived helplessness in their situation.
Relationships require an equal amount of give-and-take. They are, ideally, built on genuine compromise and collaboration, not self-centered principles. For everyone involved in relationships, it is fundamental to maintain one’s individual sovereignty, dignity, and identity. And if that is not being upheld, significant changes must take place to turn the situation around.
In this video, Dr. Hawkins talks about what victims of emotional and narcissistic abuse need to understand about their situation, and how they can move forward in their healing.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
🌐 WEBSITE: marriagerecoverycenter.com/
☎️ PHONE: [phone]
📧 EMAIL: [e-mail]
About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissism #narcissist #narcissistic

[@Permenantlyexhaustedghost115]

As someone who’s been emotionally abused I’m tired. Tired of being blamed for someone else’s actions, not having the resources to get help, and being forced to take responsibility for the actions of the narcissist. It’s always the victim that has to take responsibility and never the perpetrator. All I want is to be left alone and preserve whatever peace I got.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Thanks for sharing. Here are some videos that can help you take some first steps towards healing and that peace of mind you long for. Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz

[@jamieraegro]

I finally left. With seizures and kids on heroin. I'll never regret it. Whole new book

[@karenk2409]

The bone-weary fatigue is very real. Hope you have escaped and found peace.

[@tlynn9819]

​​​@@Peacewithin807 Kim Saeed "Live Your Best Life AftervToxic Relationships" KZbin channel went through same with her young son. Perhaps you could find useful tips from her journey.

[@christabelsansone4592]

I am exactly in your position! Just want to be alone!! I am tired!

[@jenniferfox8382]

I need one person on this planet that believes me and emotionally supports me. Just one person.

[@nathanhahnweb]

I believe you!!!!

[@rainncorbin8291]

I'm not a victim period. I have been emotionally abused but I'm far from a victim. I signed up for it, even if it was in ignorance. I am taking responsibility for my own well being. He's not going to change. He doesn't have the courage to face himself. I do have the courage to face myself. He's a coward. In this moment I need to be here for myself and be my own best friend. I have strong boundaries and I asked him to leave. He left. He'll never grow. He doesn't have the capacity to be honest with himself. He's emotionally about 12 years old and he's a narcissist. Thanks for the video.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

That’s very insightful - you can be abused but not a victim, thanks for sharing!

[@jessicafleming893]

Did he leave without police intervening? Mine is 💯 financially dependent on me and if he leaves he is homeless with no job and has told me he would never be civil and live in a 5 bedroom house while he got on his feet. He is forcing me to bring I’m the police and restraining orders. It’s so hard for me to hurt him like that. I know it’s destroying me

[@june-cz1cw]

I'm sorry but ain't that victim blaming yourself it's not your fault some piece of shit barged into your life and made it a living hell you shouldn't be responsible for anything from him

[@rainncorbin8291]

@@june-cz1cw just cuz I signed up for it, doesn't mean I'm responsible for it. I am responsible for myself, not others. I don't take responsibility for the actions of others. I just don't sit around being a victim either. What happened happened. I don't blame others for my state of being.

[@rainncorbin8291]

@@june-cz1cw I never said it was my fault. But I did agree to it prior to incarnating so I could learn what I needed to learn. I learned how to have boundaries and self respect and not to allow others to walk on me or take advantage of me. Those were some of the lessons.

[@karenk2409]

When I was trapped in abusive hell, what I needed was: A safe place to run to. Protection. A clear exit path and plan. Legal and emotional support. I was absolutely blessed with people who helped me out and back on my feet. Now I have independence and peace. No contact, ever again.

[@WendyHannan-pt7ez]

You’re one of the lucky ones , many people have no one . I’m truly glad it worked out for you .

[@karenk2409]

@@WendyHannan-pt7ez Like I said, absolutely blessed. I am horrified at the plight of women in my former position who are swinging out all by themselves, and God help them with children to protect and support.

[@karenk2409]

@@WendyHannan-pt7ez The question asked what women in that situation need. Having been through it, I know what we need, specifically. Yes, I was very, very fortunate. When it all collapsed, I thought I was completely alone (we all do), but I had a place to run, and God threw angels in my path.

[@WendyHannan-pt7ez]

@@karenk2409 I understand, and some times it’s the people you least expect that give you help and support,. Bless you, and all the women out there, that have the courage to say enough’s enough, marriage and partnerships don’t always last for ever. 😉

[@cindy7733]

you are so blessed. Glad you had people to help you out! Glad you went no contact! Peace! Finally!

[@alisonibanez2875]

When I used to talk to friends about my husbands -Robles, all they said was “you need to leave”. That didn’t help. One day a friend told me what my husbands problem was. He was a passive aggressive covert narcissist, I had no clue what that was so after a lot of YouTubing, I understood it wasn’t my fault and was able to make a plan and escape with my daughter. That was what I needed, I just didn’t know I needed until I was told what the problem was. Good luck to those, still stuck. It is not your fault.

[@crazygeechee]

I’ve been gone 3 months today. When does the pain go away

[@melor76]

I just walk out from the house with my daughter 4 days ago & we homeless & its hard🥹But i know i do the right things & save myself & my daughter from his abusive behaviour.

[@miaanders4444]

​@crazygeechee I wouldn't know but I BELIEVE 6 MONTHS TO A YEAR I SFCHANGEOR NECESSARY

[@melodyellysse4377]

After 27 years of marriage & 12 years out of the marriage it was just a few days ago that the light bulb went off and I saw clearly what had/has been happening to me. I’m grateful for the understanding and knowing that it wasn’t me but still deeply hurt & saddened.

[@laurenedney7]

​@@melor76 pray to the lord 🙏🏻

[@lileelisamc.4722]

I believe that long-term emotional abuse contributes to dementia down the line.

[@SoulSpa6835]

Cognitive dissonance and cognitive decline go hand in hand.

[@SoulSpa6835]

I would love to see data on this though because i believe you are right. So little information out there

[@wonder7798]

The constant fight or flight as a child before they lack the cognitive ability to decipher between good parent bad parent, they can't split the parent because the child needs them to survive. So the child splits and shuts their true self away and that's when the narcissistic qualities are crested as a child. Cortisol constantly spewing from heightened sensitivity to the behavior of the abuser. Over time the hormones are affected with Cortisol. NPD should get blood work done anyone that has been abused should. It affects immune system and hormones levels plus vit D.

[@strawberryme08]

Well all stress depletes minerals and that is the cause of All health issues at the root. I’m a mineral analysis practitioner so I’ve got more training in this that the average person. We need lots of trace minerals. Nettle infusions and lots of herbs as infusions are loaded with them

[@rainncorbin8291]

Be careful what you believe or you will create that in your life.

[@MimiBlackBeatPeace]

People do NOT help you if you're a target of Narc abuse, NOR with the trauma, OR with the real life fall-out or recovery. Not when you're a child, not when you're a teen, not when you're an adult, not when you're elderly. In fact, most will either abandon you, or avoid you, or make all kinds of distance from you, or they'll see it as an opportunity to either manipulate you, or to turn against you along WITH the Narcissist and their group. What do I need in this day ? What I always needed. Basic and normal support from other human beings regarding what I'm dealing with, the effects on my life and my health, and as an adult, normal support for parenting my son, all things that most people take very much for granted.. None of which anyone has ever given me, save my ex's Mom just in the last few years who's ninety two years old, and who gets it because she's still dealing with it. There's only so much she can do with support, but she is there, and I'm there for her as well. Without going around and around in circles trying to maneuver out of effort, accountability, shame, or guilt, like most people I've ever known, since I was a child, have done.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

You are absolutely right, you need support and resources to not just help you cope but to help you heal. We pray you find the support you need. Please reach out if you would like to learn about our healing programs marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/

[@danielles0317]

Exactly people make you feel more ashamed by not being ok

[@pittymama4500]

I completely agree that people abandon you over the years watching you deteriorate. I think they just maybe don't understand it and don't know what to say or do to truly help. My mom has always been into tough love type of helping or advising so she will give me the answer of "although I understand what you're going through and I feel for you I can't enable you by helping you to not help yourself" but sometimes I really just need the help and support of others to be able to pull myself up because I've got to get things together around me in order to function. I feel like I need a starting point!

[@dawnlopes3447]

You wrote this better than I could. But this is exactly what I need as well.

[@carlacostamagna]

I feel the same way. I feel TOTALLY alone. I think friends care but the truth is my trauma and my problems only scare people away. Even my sister who shares the trauma cannot handle my inability to do something about my situation. I feel like I have nobody and I am slowly falling apart. I put a facade of bravery, energy, excitement. All things I used to have ... now I feel defeated, lost, scared, lonely. I want things to work with my husband, I want him to see how he's hurting me. I know I've made mistakes but he uses my mistakes to beatdown my spirit.. he even uses my childhood trauma against me, which breaks my heart. I don't have economic stability to do anything about this. I'm afraid that he will leave me and try to take the kids. He says he wouldn't do that but he constantly threatens me. then he denies is and says I'm crazy and I'm a liar. He gaslights me so much to the point where he tell me I'm the one gaslighting him. I don't know what to do. I need help please.

[@No__direction__]

A lot of people try to help by saying “just don’t think about it.” or “it’s in the past.” I can’t just turn off my PTSD and trauma… domestic violence causes permanent damage…

[@drdavidbhawkins]

One does not just "get over" trauma. Trauma recovery therapy can help tremendously.

[@pittymama4500]

Emotional abuse is just the shittiest thing in the world! It has taken me in the past 18 years from a wonderful mother and productive member of society to absolutely nothing. I don't need him to change at this point. I just need me to find a piece of me, just a small enough piece to stand up and move on. I just don't have any energy to even do that.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Praying you find healing. Here's a video you may find helpful as you begin to think about how to heal: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f2axZqeVoraciqM

[@619mom8]

Me too. I was married for 22 years and my ex-husband and I divorced. He can’t date it so what I’ve been online it lasted for months and we broke up that I dated a bit from my gym that I’ve known for years. Headed up that somehow my ex-boyfriend contacted his ex girlfriend claimed that I was cheated he was cheating I wasn’t but for three years I’ve been playing prove myself innocent and I’ve lost all my discipline

[@sarina5352]

😢I can relate it to you and finding ways time to come out of it.

[@pittymama4500]

@@619mom8 the fact that you feel the need to prove yourself innocent is why he uses it against you. It obviously bothers you so much to be accused of it that you need to fix that opinion but you're not going to fix his opinion because he probably knows better but at this point he's getting reinforced by your reaction and need to defend. If you can learn to keep it to yourself and just say whatever and go about your business without letting it bother you then that will give you the best results that you could hope for.

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

Sometimes you just have to go for it. There are safe houses where women can go to helip mak the transition ❤️

[@carrieannkouri2151]

I have been married to a man who has been emotionally abusive for 19 years. He refuses to get help. He’s not going to change until he can admit to it and is ready to change. I’ve reached the point where I just want peace, and emotional recovery.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Many women come to us who are in the same place - they are so emotionally exhausted and finally ready to focus on their own emotional well-being and healing rather than expending all their energy on their spouse and on the relationship. Learn about our emotional abuse recovery program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/ Or contact us at marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/

[@bettyboop1742]

Please get help for yourself forget trying to change him. You want to change so get help.

[@stephenskayla2079]

Same, I have neglected myself from the emotional abuse from a twenty year marriage. Everyone else sees him as the perfect husband and he's at the top of his game in his career. So he gets calls for another employee on how do I fix this corporation problem? When it was supposed to be our time after him being on the road for days to a week I was left with toddlers to care for. I put them in my mother's care since she wanted to keep her first grandchild, a boy. I worked fifty hours being a people pleaser job. Would do research to help people discover their heritage or where did my great great grandma get the land we now live on. I remember being five months pregnant with my first child. If you've ever been in a courthouse. Well the old handwritten books were two foot by three foot but I'd pull those off the shelf for the county resident to read. I ended up explaining because they had no clue. Much was what they were told on how Great Great Grandma wasn't matching up with what a judges order in the 50's. Only to later learn my mother was a narcissist.i had my children being watched by a narcissist. It took me weeks to go back over this mom had done to me as a child but I thought she'd changed, I guess. I needed help and she was there. My brother was twelve years older than me and he was in his later forties when he married a Russian lady. When they had children mine got pushout out the door. We paid mom to care for our children and paid very well. I had to distance myself and my children from her narcissist behaviors. She's bad and you can't get through to her. She's destroyed others in the family as well.

[@colleenminchau1215]

Me too❤

[@LiveEachDay09]

​@@drdavidbhawkins is there anyway I can talk to you I really need help

[@cameronwhite6928]

I feel like nobody understands that men go through this too.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, it's especially hard for men who are victimized by narcissistic women because of the lack of information specifically addressing this, although most of the information applies to both situations. Women are the ones that are seeking the help and the information and reaching out. We all need to do a better job, including us, with gender neutral language and educating the public that it goes both ways.

[@penelopehunter7506]

Narcissism is a terrible trait that does not discriminate. 😢 any person can have it and I've personally seen the worst in women.

[@claremolony6050]

It is absolutely horrific to be on the end of it. I had to tell my ex husband over 50 times in messages, in therapy that his emotional abuse was killing me. Not once did he stop it and neither did our therapist stop it either. When you tell others they do not believe you and then you have to deal with the defamation of character and smear campaign on top of it

[@yellowdayz1800]

Yes. They do not stop what is killing us. They act like we asked them to go to the moon... When it is a simple thing that will solve the problem. This is all done on purpose.. Gaslighting etc

[@karenk2409]

You know now that if he cared a whit about your pain, he wouldn't have abused you in the first place. People often do not want to believe you; it's uncomfortable and they tend to back away or be angry at you for exposing him. The defamation of character and smear campaign (completely predictable) is horrible, and you will lose people you thought were friends or family - talk about a trial by fire - but now they have told you who they are, and you must let them go (or go no contact) and move on. I survived by isolating myself socially and emotionally as much as possible until I gradually rebuilt myself and my sadder but wiser life. Last, please find your own counselor (mine helped alot), as "our" counselor never works with a manipulative abuser; he drives you crazy, then you are condemned for being crazy, and the counselor will be drawn in. I wish you well on your journey to peace and safety!

[@yellowdayz1800]

Amazing. Because I lived this too. And I know it to be true with these blood suckers. They just do so in a different way.

[@S2023.]

What do I need? I've needed to emotionally discharge the negative energy by being heard. Then safety, space, sleep and rest, support. Solitude for clarity.

[@nicholashamblin3600]

The fact is narcissistic abuse destroys your life and resources. Victims are rarely able to self support or even have the resources to self support. It's like being in a major car accident and being hospitalized for months in a coma. Victims of narcissistic abuse need first and foremost the ability to self support even before prosecution of abuse.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, thanks for that perspective. This is the reason so many women feel stuck in their situation with no way out.

[@nicholashamblin3600]

I agree but it's not only women that are subject to narcissistic abuse. My life has been destroyed by narcissistic torture. I've done my best to repel borders but in the end they will suck you dry and leave you with nothing. I'm sleeping in the woods with nothing but what I was able to escape with and no hope of recovery. My life is destroyed and the narcissistic criminals go unprosecuted while I continue to suffer. There is nothing I can do.

[@nopretribrapture2318]

im bed bound many years after many abusive relationships, physical and emotional, mental traumatic events since early childhood, i can't hardly walk,had head and body injuries too from them, hopeing GOD will heal me from it all.

[@madeleinequinn2167]

If I was asked what I need, I would say closure. I ended the relationship but still feel like I'm going insane 😢

[@karenk2409]

I promise: Your closure will have nothing to do with him. He will never give that to you. Your closure will be the day you finally can close that door behind you and look forward to the life ahead, when your feelings about him are indifference. All that energy will then be focused on your own well-being. That's the best closure ever. (Been there, done that!}

[@jaykasame]

@@karenk2409praying for the day i’m able to close the door

[@Babzengz]

I know how you feel, it's so hard, but sometimes you wish they would just listen instead of reacting, I get you

[@janetvanantwerp8899]

What I needed was the realize my power to no longer be a victim and help getting out of the relationship, knowing he could only change himself. 10 yrs later, he is still the same, but I have grown!! What I need now is how to ever have another relationship and trust someone else again.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

So glad to hear you found your power. Leaving doesn't equate to healing, now the healing work begins. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out to [e-mail] or [phone]

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

The million dollar move…I have been out of a relationship for more than a decade…it’s the most difficult thing for me..I opted to remain single.

[@marthawhite3353]

In this moment, I would like validation and honesty about the reality of what has happened. I can offer it to myself, but - we can be wounded by others and then, also healed by them. Healthy, supportive connections are key to recovery. And also walking away from these dangerous relationship situations.

[@agavino520]

If there is disposition.

[@fallonkeravillafana1812]

What i need in this moment is to be loved.

[@michaelandrews4783]

He/she is never going to change, People can't seem to grasp this fact and move on, once that line is crossed and you let the other person mistreat you it's over.

[@flyinggranny1184]

Agreed I'm hopeful he'll seek out this program but I have my doubts and I need to walk away somehow, so hard

[@WendyHannan-pt7ez]

That’s the problem these abuser’s pick kind hearted good people . We think we can change them, we can’t they’re incapable of change, and some times we find out too late. I’m so glad there’s awareness out there, on abuse and narcissism.

[@jin9479]

Hello i am from south korea, i found this channel long times ago but i couldn't finish this relationship. But i finish this painful relationship today (just few hours ago). I used to ask him not disappear without reason. But he did it again than we fought. He called me i am hysteric person all the time. I thought i will be fine after break up but i am so painful. I cannot imagine how i can handle all these pain... Even i couldnt sleep well long times ago but i dont feel sleep. Night time and morning are the most painful time. I am reading all thia channel comments that makes me feel better amd right choice.

[@danielleswain7929]

My problem is that I have no money to leave. We have a 5 year old together. I have no support circle, my self esteem is in the toilet (always has been to be honest), I would have to find a way to pay bills and get my son on and off the bus (or to and from school). I don't have family that can help with that. I feel completely stuck. I have a bachelor's degree and an insurance license but I don't make enough money to live on my own so I stay here stuck. I feel so hopeless. I've also been raised with similar treatment to what my partner does to me and so this hopelessness, low self esteem and self worth is so deep seeded in me. I also only realize the treatment isn't normal when I spend some time with other people and see that they are not treated like that.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Here is a video that offers women insight and encouragement on how to move forward in your healing when you don't feel like you have much options. We have many more videos that can help you in your healing journey, particularly the ones by Sharmen Kimbrough, she primarily works with the women, so please check out our channel. kzbin.info/www/bejne/hWG0kHykbtN-gas

[@emilyhays6458]

I know how you feel.

[@BFRIZZLE909]

I'm in this same exact situation I feel so deeply for you. I long to be romantically loved and appreciated by someone before I leave this earth.

[@Poison_Orchid]

@BFRIZZLE909 I think the answer is 12 step program for codependent people, (I remember It's called coda or something) I understand your pain and feel the same, so I've chose to try this maybe it's a way out. Because codependent people are in danger contacting with abusers in most cases.

[@ladyesther]

I can empathize with you. I am so sorry. I have been in the hopeless state also. Praying God helps you!

[@Star-bq9vf]

Just left my abuser after 10 years of bad domestic violence and emotional abuse and I'm so damaged and so angry inside that I feel like I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't wanna live in pain and anger forever. Its changed me into a person I hate. I'm so damaged 💔

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Here are some videos that we hope can get you started on your healing journey. Healing is possible. kzbin.info/www/bejne/f2axZqeVoraciqM

[@bcdd8]

Get yourself back. Let him and the emotions go. He doesn't own u anymore. U deserve to be here. He does not. Find yourself again. Bless your heart ♥

[@bellesterbeatty3571]

I hear you. I wasted my life on a narc. I feel the same way.

[@aganib4506]

The pain he caused you is his. Focus on healing yourself. Much love to you, Star.

[@rosecoon1791]

I need connection. To be able to hug someone and have eye contact, understanding, validation. And not with him. It has to be someone I feel I can trust, and I don’t think I feel safe with him now.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Intimacy can only exist in a safe environment. Safety must be established first before you can begin to work on connection and intimacy. Please reach out if you want to know how we can help. [e-mail] [phone]

[@NoMore1959]

I would say learn to love and trust yourself first. If you don’t, you will end up in another abusive relationship. Learning to be by yourself and loving yourself will make you strong. Of course, I don’t know you or your circumstances so this is only meant with love. I am sure that many people on here who have been through similar things are giving you long distance hugs and validation.❤

[@ckvarnmass]

In my own situation and trying to deal with and get away from the narcissist, my most immediate need was food and money for gas to go to work to pay bills and mortgages. There was no room for thinking about healing. It’s survival mode.

[@avathemis9878]

I need to stop seeing myself through his eyes. I am not exaggerating, crazy or anything else he keeps saying I am. But I am always afraid people will believe him. I left 9 years ago-he is still taking me to court over virtually nothing. What if the judge believes him? I am financially devastated and I cannot afford to defend myself anymore.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Keep grounding yourself in the truth and shift your focus off him and his actions so you can keep moving towards complete healing and freedom.

[@laurenedney7]

Even if you do lose, it will all turn out in the end. God has your back 🙏🏻

[@june-cz1cw]

And he has the money for that what a shit system

[@shansmith7100]

I don’t need anything from him. I just need to learn how to be myself and live again. Once I do that I may or may not be able to tolerate him but at least I’ll have the clarity and confidence to move on if I need to.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

You are exactly right! If you want help reclaiming your identity after emotional abuse, check out our Redeemed healing program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/

[@marytolsma899]

I know this video is old and I haven't read comments from others yet but I just don't think people really understand what we go through. For 7 years and counting not even married I have been treading water every second of every single day to just push through and merely survive. Listen the truth is at least for me all my energy and time is taken from him as I deal endlessly with lies, repaing situations he put us in, his blaming me and the excuses come from a bottomless bucket. He is one person outside our house to EVERYONE but to me he is the devil and no one knows. He lies about me. But that is the least of my cares anymore. He is incapable of having a conversation with me. Sometimes I look in his direction and he starts screaming at me. That's all it took. My very presence. I've attempted to work but he sabotage every opportunity I've been given. He's taught my children to lie to me. More often than not if I ask him a question he doesn't acknowledge that I spoke a word. He calls me every name under the sun. I have been desperate to get out. But I'm 41. I have 3 children 2 of whom are young. He literally yells at me to move out but we have 1 car in his name that's worth maybe 1000.00 we live below poverty line. We live 2 hours from all family and friends. Plus I have no where to go with 2 kids. I went for help at a women's shelter but because I hadn't been physically assaulted that time they would not help me. I have no money haven't worked in years now. No car. No shelter that will help us. I have my name on a waiting list through the government. But the list can take years before there is an opening. I put him in jail for hitting me about 3 years ago and it was me who completed his probation requirements because he refused to and knew if I let him go back to jail the kids and I would have no money to survive on. He had fines as well and it was I that had to go to the court and pay them for him. They were finally paid off 2 months ago. There is so much no one has any clue. But the worse is in the daily living because it's daily surviving . There is nothing more to give to make a plan for ourselves. And most days I'm just trying to keep my sanity in tack as best as I can. I've made it this long by God's grace alone. I've aged far faster than I probably should have. I definitely have physical pitfalls from living with a continuous racing heart and stress that never leaves and often is heightened like right or flight. Sometimes once a day sometimes little less. And sometimes more. I would give anything to have the wil power to figure things out beyond him. But there just isn't any thing left. I'm depleted. I'm drained. I'm used and abused. I hide in silence in my reality because no one would believe me anyway. I merely survive another day. Thanks for taking the time to read a glimpse of my life, Mary from Michigan

[@avriltaylor9913]

Mary, keep strong, for you n your kids, hugs for you in your healing journey, I wish you all the best. Take care god bless you Avril ❤🙏😇

[@glendarowland9396]

I was there many years ago , and for so many years . I didn't realize it was emotional abuse at the time . I did go to a psychologist because my husband said " You go fix you because I'm fine " I'm 89 years old now and that person died last year and I me still having nighmares about the things that happened .

[@619mom8]

A hug I need to feel warmth.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, we are all designed for connection, touch and warmth as you so aptly put it. We hope you find all the love you deserve. God Bless.

[@GinaJohnson-if6hr]

Thank you for asking and genuinely wanting to know how to help. Thank you for holding abusers accountable in the name of lasting change. I appreciate you and your ministry. What I desperately needed was a place to go where I would be heard and believed. My ex husband and I went to counseling. Within a month he had convinced the counselor that all the marriage problems were a result of me not understanding my value in Christ, and my anger issues. She was patient and lenient with him and highly critical and strict with me. She refused to celebrate any forgiveness or healing I did unless I was completely healed. And she joked around with him as her form of holding him accountable for his actions (that he didn't disclose, and she had to weasel out of him). Clearly she was not trauma-informed, nor did she recognize the signs of abuse within marriage. I didn't feel safe at home. I didn't feel safe with the counselor. I needed a place to feel safe. So I tried talking with my pastors' wives and elders' wives, and Bible study members. I even talked with a couple of my pastors about the abuse (I even named it with one of them), and they did nothing. They didn't offer me an opportunity to talk about it. They never asked if I or the kids were in danger. I was left to discover, navigate, and leave the abuse on my own. I was left to build a new life on my own. I was left to handle post-separation abuse (stalking, harassing, trespassing, attempts to change the kids's schedules on my time) all by myself. And my reward after leaving was being shunned by many of my friends, and passive-aggressively marginalized, silenced, and eventually pressed out of my own church of a decade. I owe my life and sanity to the dozen or so friends who were there for me, and who listened to my story time and time again. Twenty months after leaving, I'm discovering that the most traumatizing part about being in an emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage has been the lack of support for me and my kids, and the lack of accountability for him. To this day I am unaware that his actions were questioned by his (formerly our) church, the community college where he teaches, or the National Guard. The "poor poor man whose wife left him" has loads of supporters. In the meantime, I get to re-build my life basically alone. What so many of us need is a list of trauma-informed counselors or pastors or even just lay-people. That's a huge undertaking, I understand, and it will require consistent updating. But I can't keep wondering if support for me and my kids, and accountability for him would have resulted in him thinking twice about stalking, trespassing, and harassing me for the past 20 months. Him hitting rock bottom sooner might actually have caused him the sorrow he needed to change his behavior. As it sits, he seems to have no reason to change his behavior. And his story is not isolated. How many women and children could be spared from stalking and harassment if the church made it clear that it is willing to take the time to identify toxic behavior and only support those who should be supported...you know, Matthew chapter 5 and Proverbs-type of stuff. Thank you, again, for asking. It means a lot that you even care to discover the truth, much less continue to act on it.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Thanks for sharing your story - it will help many others who are in similar situations. You are so right about the need for trauma recovery work, this is why trauma recovery is a big part of what we do. We even have an EMDR therapist that works with adults and children to help them overcome trauma. To learn more, please reach out at [phone] or [e-mail]

[@BlackPhi1ip]

As a man who was in a two year abusive relationship with a woman, this was incredibly validating. It’s hard to find videos for men in abusive relationships, but abuse is abuse no matter what gender. Trying to move on and recover.

[@emilyrodriguez8893]

I'm sorry you went through that and that there aren't many resources for men going through this. That must be a lot to carry. I pray for your healing. You deserve peace and to feel better. And you never deserved poor treatment from anyone. Keep seeking resources ❤

[@yellowdayz1800]

Especially if the woman lacks empathy... Be glad you caught on quickly and got out. Many will marry to insediously abuse the spouse.. Emotionally.

[@sallydr]

I am leaving the narcissist. Good luck in trying to heal a narcissist. Don't hold your breath waiting for that.

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

A covert narcissist does not respond to boundaries. They will not. Period. No matter what style of holding the boundary is offered. You’ve tried it all and they respect zero, none of it. And they may (will) become more forceful in their push against the boundary. I had to leave. I had no choice. I cocooned for a while, got the help I need to stop blaming myself, am still cocooning. The cocooning is not the same as withdrawal. It is where I can feel the stronger, healed me nurturing my way back. There IS room for laughter again! At first I was angry about having to rebuild my life. At 65 it’s not what I envisioned or even thought would happen. But you know what’s worse? Staying. Having no hope. Pretending it’s ok or thinking it’s my fault. I’m human. So yeah, I’m not perfect. AND I deserve peace, happiness, love and respect. So do you.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I need peace in my life. No mental abuse but Ill stand my ground.

[@faylatawiec1416]

Thank you. This validated my suspicion of my parents so much. The immature behaviour patterns, constantly being made to feel smaller, restricting post or outright hurting your feelings. Love and healing

[@troyingram716]

We need people that can measure the emotional pain in others.

[@blackopal3138]

With respect, as a male who is very experienced, and well studied, in narcissistic personality disorder, from the victim perspective, I can tell you, if those guys are not cluing in on their obvious degeneracy within an hour or two, of a therapist's well articulated descriptions of it, then they are no different than a criminal minded person, and willfully not accepting Truth, or it is not being articulated well to them. Because, I know myself, and I know I was a narcissist, on my natural path from childhood, and I know, it was simple self reflection, and self observation about a few simple issues, that changed that part of me, and helped me grow. It didn't change evrything baout me, or require some great sacrifice, in fact it was liberating to relalize I had no reason to insult a lot of people and things I had been.. It was a mature, adult, process of decisions and growth, from observing what behavior s were hurting me or hurt others, and stopping me from being the person I believed I was, and who I wanted to be. The narcissist just goes through life believing they are that picture of themselves, without ever really figuring out what they know and don't know. It's pathetic, cz they will even project this onto others, and still not be able to see it in themselves I believe the truly traumatized, false identity builders, are one type, and the other type is the dethroned intellect. The first type does not understand their way, the second type, absolutely knows their way, and may even feel some guilt, but ultimately convince their self that they are acting righteously. The first type builds their ID up, unaware of when they are fooling themselves, they are blocking pain from resurfacing by making the choice they do, not trying to hurt someone, if that's the feedback they get, they just have to use their own logic, and selected facts, to disagree. But the dethroned intellect, does know they are fabricating, assuming, slandering, they just believe themselves, because believing that guy is smarter than me, isn't going to happen. It's pathological achievement, addiction to greatness, whether you actually have it or not. Devaluing others who may be more great than you, is simply just another logical tactic to get ahead. That's the part they don't know they are doing, they don't know how their assumptions are hidden dishonesty, how their slander is self serving, and not educating people about bad things. But they know they answer a question with what they want to be true, but don't know for sure, they always leave out the 'not sure' part. I'm believing less and less that narcissists are strictly managing trauma, and working from a blind book of their motivations. You know, many people experience trauma, and don't become a complete jerk, and dishonest, etc. And most narcs do quite well for themselves, that's the idea, right. I see the trauma management too, but others, I know didn't undergo much trauma more than a strict parent, and they simply are just insecure, and usually smart -ish people, but not THE smartest in their sphere, and THAT is what they can't get past. They fabricate discrediting stories only of THAT person. They are only narcs to people who threaten their perceived, or real, status, as the smart one. These are both coverts, but 2 distinct animals. In fact, I even wonder if the dethroned is a disorder, or just being a c***. But they do hit all the markers.... Because if you just told people about the specific bad behavior, they will believe you, most of it,. But if you tell them the person has NPD, they don't believe you. This is KEY, to understanding these people.....And for the narc, It's like, ok, well, this, this and this, are ridiculous, why would you do that to someone? Well they can't answer for it either, and they start to think about it. But, if you tell them they have NPD, they blow you off, and others will let them. For one you are not a psychologist, so how would you know. And, the individual specific behaviors, the narc has learned to dismiss, or counter your complaint to make you look like you are weak and just want to hurt them, that's how they win! They are smarter than logic and facts, and others are not smart enough to decide who is honest and who is not. THAT'S the HEART of the problem! ... I'm glad I kept typing, I was struggling to find it, but that's it, trust me. This is destroying the world. And, as I say, it's very black and white, and easy to understand. You either know or you don't. Most people go through life thinking what they 'believe' is true, is what is actually true. Complete fools, and if you ask me losers. Weak, tit sucking, pathological dummies, all to avoid a second of embarrassment, in their eyes. .. And, just as bad are the people who listen, and follow wherever there is less friction, completely not concerned with Truth, or deciding for themselves who the victims are. . Narcissism has been like some sort of tragic Shakespearean comedy for me. Over and over and over. All angles and areas of life. I'll tell you, don't be smart, or moral around others, it's worse than, leprosy and aids and ebola all put together. All I have wanted for 15 yrs, is to be left alone, but that is also not allowed. 'You' will not insult us, by rejecting our abuse.... So, that makes peaceful society with no victims a mathematical impossibility. Peace

[@kaylaschroeder1]

Some of how you're describing the styles of narcs reminds me of HG Tudor's descriptions. If you haven't already found his work, I recommend. He is a diagnosed psychopathic narcissist, but his insight into himself and "others of his kind" is revelational. He doesn't hide his narcissism. Anyway, I appreciate your comment. You have a lot of insight.

[@blackopal3138]

@@kaylaschroeder1 ... and you have my gratitude, that you got something from it, ty. When I just read it, I shook my head at how poorly I write sometimes. My thoughts are so much faster than my fingers, I'm constantly trying to remember where I was going, and sometimes don't get there. lol * which, I mean, on that note, your name is a pretty ironic and concise description of what I was doing here, and do often, lol. This helps me a lot with remembering what I've articulated to myself, and correcting myself as I go. I guess it substitutes for talking to someone. Need to hear it aloud to have a better chance of sticking ... Even more deeply though, it could be used to describe me overall. I have always made sure my thoughts get heard, and that is, 'thinking loud' :) ... It also very much makes one vulnerable, so be careful out there. Peace

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

The majority don’t care and don’t care to know or understand because they think it’s all about them.

[@pittymama4500]

@@blackopal3138 the whole making sure your thoughts are heard thing resonates with me We are what you would consider Verbal Processors. I struggled with my need to be heard until I figured out this little bit and it helped me to not be so hard on myself.

[@Poison_Orchid]

@@blackopal3138 I think narcissistic abuse is a crime of 21 century, and narc abusers should be isolated as dangerous for the other people. Sorry for all the victims of this phenomenon. Hope one day our society and planet will be clean from narcs and emotional abuse.

[@Wildflowersong]

A separation might not help if there are children involved. I am divorced and still trapped in a relationship of terrorism with my ex husband who had more resources and less trauma to navigate - weaponize - the family court system. I stayed tenaciously in a 4 year physical separation until it destroyed me, and he used that affect of his own abuse for “his benefit” - at least he thinks temporarily. Now I cannot even work, the threats and bullying are too much. Which he will try to use against me for further custody. I need to be free of the need for his child support as that is the main reason he is trying to destroy me completely. But am in a catch-22. I am also a creative, musician, and writer, and cannot even access that create a part of my brain, because of the extent of being continually in fight or flight mode and living in spirit.

[@amberc3728]

❤❤❤

[@ragtopannie]

I’m not stupid in that. I’m hoping that my douche bag of a partner will change. I’m aware of that. I’ve just been beaten down emotionally and spiritually that I have no give a shit left in me. The answer to your question is; I need a lifeline. I need a friend to provide me with normalcy, a place where I can cry and be myself.. I need someone to go have coffee. I need a friend because at this point, I’ve lost all of mine or alienated them for him.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

If you cannot find a lifeline in your sphere of friends at this time, a counselor can offer a lifeline, clarity, support, guidance, all those things. Please reach out if you want some help. [phone] or [e-mail]

[@kaziJohnson]

I read this and it's 100% how I feel. I now know he will never change. After 9 years of this I have nothing left. No friends, no family, no assets. I literally have nothing. Now it's just trying to scrape myself up off the pavement to just take the first step of making any decisions for myself. It feels impossible right at this moment.

[@danielsedvic3063]

Thank you i have been crying so hard listening to you. Keep up the good work

[@drdavidbhawkins]

So glad it resonates with you, we hope it's been helpful.

[@mrsbee5056]

Separation is a VERY DANGEROUS step from a mentally ill irrational human being. The only way it worked for me was to take my child and escape to a women's refuge. You CAN'T REWIRE these people with therapy. My mum was the same. She is in her seventies, still lying, conning money. ,still causing trouble, A complete separation from my parents and ex partner worked, It is the only way. He tried to shoot me with a crossbow when I got a court restriction and said "Do you think a piece of paper will stop this?!Go...far away

[@barefootmustang777]

I need justice for all the years of trauma from my husband and family that is still ongoing

[@Sandy-vq2fn]

I just need a hug from someone saying that no matter what I will not let anyone harm you ever again and will do anything to protect you 😭💔

[@KatWoodland]

You must do that for yourself my dear.

[@JoiLeGrand]

Thank you so much for this video! I needed to hear that and wish you were my Dr.🙂

[@MsStarrlite]

I need money to leave😊

[@Xplreli]

I just need someone too trust me and give me grace and love me for who I am. I need someone who won’t give up on me and give me space to heal and not traumatize me again.

[@MS-lk1cn]

Thank you for this video ❤

[@shannonmckenna7139]

I need someone who cares. I have no one. No car, barely can work, my health is horrible. I have to rely on him for everything. Just as he wanted. My marriage is killing me.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

We hope you are able to find some kind of support group, friend, church group that can provide the support you need. In the meantime, we have many videos on healing that we hope can help. Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse kzbin.info/www/bejne/q2q7nISrfbF4gLs Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: kzbin.info/www/bejne/q2q7nISrfbF4gLs Spouse Won't Go To Counseling! What Are My Options? kzbin.info/www/bejne/hWG0kHykbtN-gas Finding Healing (Sharmen) kzbin.info/www/bejne/f2axZqeVoraciqM

[@LauraCooper-nu1re]

A friend. One single, honest friend

[@lynnmcintosh]

Thank you so much. I still living in birdcage but this information is so helpful to me. God bless you. Gaslit for 38 years.

[@GabbyTx8]

Just subscribed THANKS FOR THE INFO BLESSINGTS TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES ALWAYS💖GRATEFUL💝

[@Jaileneejj0121]

I need to stay away for good and heal, be happy learn to love myself all over again.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, learning to love yourself is the most important of journeys. Thanks for your comment

[@maryisbell6421]

Amen Jailene but I called him again today hoping stupidly he would say sorry to show he is decent and loves me after all the years I spent with him he let me make an idiot of myself again God forgive me I know I have done my share of mistakes but help me get this outta my head

[@irenemendonca9722]

The one I know truely cares and has an incredible understanding of the abuse I don't want to destroy what is real and safe

[@CeCe-fh2ix]

2:57 . I like long heroic journey. That's right .

[@bernadetteramirez460]

I’m here in this situation for 8years now😭 I needed help so bad😭

[@barbiebeck9531]

Thank you.

[@commiesareevil3823]

Physical and emotional narcissistic and neglect of abuse has gone back in my family at least four generations.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

With skilled help, learned behaviors can be changed, generational patterns can be broken. Family history and past trauma needs to be addressed. We use EMDR in our practice to help people overcome past trauma and DBT to correct thinking errors. For more info, please reach out at [phone] or [e-mail]

[@commiesareevil3823]

@@drdavidbhawkins I totally agree that learned behaviors can be changed I did that. But I didn't use therapy I used my Bible thank you for the information and the people that you helped.

[@amandarecoveryjones8216]

In this moment, I need a lawyer. I'm so thankful for professionals like you. I learned how to take accountability, codependency and gave myself to God. Now, I'm desperate for a lawyer to finish this divorce since he won't be man enough to get out my home. I want my life back...

[@honoryourself2098]

Yes.. You need to stop putting your well-being on the back burner

[@pinkpumpkin611]

Many thanks ❤

[@drdavidbhawkins]

You're welcome, hope you found it helpful.

[@user-km2sm9nl5z]

When I left I needed help with finances. There wasn't any help. My abusive family still uses my SSN. I've been told I can't even use my own name bc I can't prove beyond 40% that I am me. I've had no support or support group. It's been 3 years and I still can't get the shaking to stop.

[@EMVelez]

I need a safe place to live where I’m not surrounded by constant gaslighting and abuse.

[@Numbers-06127]

I came here hoping for support but as a male who is a victim of emotional abuse i feel even more alone snd isolated. Men can be victims too!

[@theodorerobertbrown]

I’m going through the same thing now with my abusive mum

[@Numbers-06127]

@theodorebrown1111 I don't know your situation but it took me til I was 25 to realise my dad would never meet my base requirement for a parent. Not spoken to him in near a decade and, although hard and sad, my mental health has been leaps and bounds better since. Prayers are with you.

[@theodorerobertbrown]

@@Numbers-06127 thanks bro

[@nancychandler768]

These demons don’t change.

[@marshmallow13585]

My mom was emotionally abusive. All my relationships ended up the same way. I think its because i didn't see the red flags, since i was raised in it. Long story short i stopped dating years ago and working on my health. My medical doctors cant find anything causing my physical pain and constant fatigue, im researching how emotional abuse can cause these symptoms. Im 54 now and im sick of being sick. How do i overcome the emotional abuse, so i can have a life

[@Journey82]

Support! I'm so there

[@TheAuthorLibraryNetwork]

*SURVIVOR* - Thank you!

[@agoodsoulwhocares87]

Don't feel bad, just understand there are good men out there & this good man will say this, just Reverse that and it would be logical & reasonable for my case of getting beat up hit attacked yelled at abused taken advantage of by my ex gf who left black eyes on me ECT, just cos she wanted her drugs over me, & years ago I walked away from it, blessed to still be alive.... God bless you & take very good care to all who see, Sincerely, ~Paul

[@riada4996]

I was emotionally abused by my wife. You use the sterotypical gender role pronouns in this video, but the same thing happened to me, even though the gender pronouns should be reversed in my case, and there are countless other men who have also suffered from covert natc abuse by female partners.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, we absolutely agree it goes both ways and offer help to men and women who are suffering from emotional abuse. Here is a video you may find helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hGebdJtnZapoZ80

[@redeemed5201]

Very important. Thank you for sharing this.

[@seangallagher6124]

Hey Chad, I was abused by my wife as well. I made the mistake going to this guy. He lied to me and acted just like a narcissist himself. I had not even got through the grievance process and he listened to my abuser and ignored everything I told him. When I asked him why he did not address female Narcissist in his videos? He immediately got angry and retorted to me that he didn't like my criticism of that and that he had only seen male not female narcissist in his practice. I responded so you mean your patients are representing the hole narcissist population? Then he went on to tell me his friends would call me a narcissist but not him. But isn't saying it already!!? This guy hates men for what reason? Maybe he hates himself and is taking it out on every man that he suckered in. His treatment emboldened my wife to continue her abuse on me that I had to stay in motels to get away from her violent temper. The cops have had to come to get her off of me. All thanks to this loser!!!!

[@seangallagher6124]

@@drdavidbhawkins never did that with me being abused by wife. I suffered so much more abuse from this so called specialist about nothing at all. He emboldened my wife's abuse even more to the point the police had to come to our home because of her violent temper. I told him everything and he turned everything against me and abused me with my wife at the Sametime in so called therapy!!!!!. Look at all the videos he turns off the comments. It's not because people are saying bad stuff. It's because he can'tet the truth come out the he is indeed a Narcissist. This man has a special place in hell waiting for him.

[@riada4996]

@@seangallagher6124 I understand. I got so bad off I developed CPTSD. And my brain went crazy. I got so bad that I started saying things I did not mean. I made threats and accusatiions toward the pastor, pushing him away, but down deep I never meant them nor wanted to hurt him, I was just wanting the pain to heal.

[@ed000]

I need space and solitude to reset,unlearn and learn,get to love myself again. I don't want unnecessary chats,texts or calls. Unfortunately, I joined DV support group,that didn't help with my mental health and felt stuck all the time. Started experiencing PTSD so I stepped back from the group and doing well now

[@GIGI-lv1qt]

This is me constantly feeling abused I use to feel beautiful and vibrant and a natural love for life I realize I need help now I can’t do it on my own the yelling the putting me down everyday the isolation from my family and friends I’m trying to get back to myself I’m starting to consider just leaving and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted he use to cheat really bad and I almost didn’t make it through that the trauma was so severe

[@DushkaNoordhof]

Thank you for your podcasts. They are so very helpful and needed as validation especially for Christian wives. My pastor husband is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. I’ve just separated myself from him.

[@happyhatkilinski1457]

Thank You Doctor Hawkins. II though all my wounds had been healed. All done. I'm nearly 56 years of age and a few past horrible feelings are rearing their ugly heads. I react differently now. I immediately & politely stand up for myself these days. I deal with verbally abusive co-workers my marriage ended 20 years ago so it's no longer that environment for me, it's at work. Supervisors know, they speak with the instigator over & over but they still do it and still have their job. I keep telling myself " Chin Up" I DO NOT want the bullies to win by me leaving my job that I really do love. I pray for strength, guidance and courage . If I end up moving on from my job I love maybe they win OR maybe I' m taking care of myself and this is God's Will for me. I will continue paying attention the the signs from above.🙂

[@drdavidbhawkins]

The fact that you are aware of what is happening and choosing how you will respond rather than react, is a HUGE step in the right direction. Keep seeking truth and don't let the toxicity seep into your heart and soul. You have to create your own emotional safety, as this video suggests: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fXuThJtnftKJpZI God bless, thanks for sharing.

[@happyhatkilinski1457]

@@drdavidbhawkins Thank you

[@genevieveraymond8326]

A memory eraser would be nice, 6 months into break up it's still vivid...

[@ladyesther]

Amen. long journey. I think most of the time, though not often possible the couple needs to separate. And as Dr. R says they are not going to change.

[@wonder7798]

I think we should add on to the bill of domestic violence that if an individual receives a 3rd restraining or protective order in a 5yr period , mandatory evaluation and register online public database to prevent and protect future children, individuals and or families from further abuse. They have a habitual intention to seek out partners for supply to release their childhood trauma. We can not change them, they dissociate, split, a form of multiple personality. When they abuse, in that moment they have implanted their child self into the partner, and they become empowered to abuse. Survival mechanism, they are on auto pilot, they mirror others. The victim become the narcissist and the narcissist becomes their chdhood abuser. Does that make sense? Imagine how hard it has been for all of us to wrap our heads cognitively and rationalize the treatment that we were faced with, the betrayal, that's a lot of why we struggle letting go. We are people pleasers/empathic(from our own childhood sensitivity) and it kills us to think that after everything we endured, what we gave and how we loved that they would in the end do us dirty. Ultimate betrayal! < this as adults. NOW think of how a NPD would handle their entire existence as a betrayal, I don't think many would survive.

[@user-sb8rw3bk4v]

I am sooo broken of years being abused is to just be hugged and told it's going to be ok.....

[@TheSilverlady1980]

I want to feel needed, wanted and appreciated. No matter how hard I try to please it’s impossible to please him. He expects super human effort and perfection but I can’t give that. I am horribly disabled now. He just doesn’t care if I get hurt. He asked me to help lift huge pile of wood in pick up truck to get something he buried. Him one side me the other we lifted “together”. He got his item from under and let go the load weight. All of a sudden the 500 pounds was all on me! He did not instruct on count of three let go. I couldn’t even see him over his side of pile. My gut got torn (I was hysterectomy suspended inside) now needs surgery to lift transverse back up. He just calls me stupid for not letting go. Blames me. Blames everything on me a flat tire my fault, it rains it’s my fault, milk spoiled my fault, son dies something wrong my fault…it’s ridiculous. His dad had MS and used his sons as his hands and legs expected perfection and never allowed them to give up. His mother was super mom becoming the man of the family. I am a feminine lady type. I can’t live up to his super mom expectations. I wasted 45 years of my life trying to create a family and our sons are just like him perfectionists, egotistic, demanding, blaming….it’s horrible. And very little love. I am the one to initiate any hug or cuddle never him. He hates communication it’s a waste of his precious time. I am married but he is not a “partner”. If we go to celebrate our anniversary I plan a happy photo outing in outfits afterwards he says “There I did your stupid anniversary now shut the F up”. I was raised that once you vow you keep that vow so I am trapped. I can’t look or hope for any other companion until death do we part. I spend most of my time praying to die.

[@ambermarchand7079]

My life is too short for him to change.

[@shellybailey6527]

Inner peace cannot seems to get over this hurt😢😢😢😢

[@ruthieclarke9125]

They will NEVER, EVER change.

[@alaura13]

A hug and a break in a quiet place.

[@thinkmediadeeper]

the tirck is he will never change and that is really hard to accept, for therapists too

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Yes, and the key word there is will. Won't change and can't change are 2 different things. Most people say a person can't change when in fact they are not willing. A therapist should be able to tell the difference.

[@JewishKeto]

I am almost 40… as hard as it is to admit… I am the victim of my parents emotional abuse

[@jphish8724]

I'm a man seeking help with an emotionally abusive wife. Your videos teaching me how to be a strong powerful woman 😂

[@the_bad_guy.nation]

😂😂😂Bro Dont do that

[@jphish8724]

I'm joking of course, I'm just lightheartedly pointing out that the sexes in your scenarios can be reversed. Great info though!@@the_bad_guy.nation

[@avrowolf]

Left my abusive (and rushed) marriage 2 years ago after the 4 years of hell (3 of it married)... It tore me up when it was confirmed over (before a point of no return mentally) and had to leave my kids; Lots of eggshells (especially when pregnant) , gaslighting, mind games, paranoia on her end (who the hell has time to cheat while at work? especially as a courier (and later millwork mixed in) at the time), controlling behavior, and her getting pissed off I wasn't willing to get into the more out there denoms she was looking into and calling me anti-Christ. Probably didn't help much having autism At least I got a preview of what a healthy relationship looked like in the only relationship that lasted so far after the divorce

[@nonormies2837]

Im 38 years old and my father screamed at me over the usage of a conventional can opener. Thats just the most recent. 😢. No support network and im disabled due to organs failing. They denied my case and im waiting on what could be a 10 year appeal process that i probably wont get either. I literally cannot see myself surviving for another 5-10 years due to lack of funds and a completely lack of independence.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

So sorry to hear what you are enduring. This is the kind of situation where you have to learn to create emotional safety by creating a space (mental and emotional if not physical) where you protect yourself from unwanted behaviors through boundaries.

[@justinmojica7112]

Frustrating it is to be unable to produce empathy in an individual that takes pleasure in hurting people

[@bluej5455]

A 76 and I look forward to not remembering anything. It will be the only piece of ever had.

[@justchristine369]

I can not allow it to continue. I am totally at his control. I do not want to heal this relationship or change him. It’s been 20 years plus… this is killing me😢

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Many of the women we work with are in the same place. A lot of our work is focused on helping them realize that healing themselves is their first priority, not their partner or the relationship. To learn more, please reach out at [e-mail] or [phone]

[@JAMESHOUSTON-dn1im]

Thank you for your video Dr. Hawkins!

[@user-hk6rx3mp3z]

Needed to know exactly what I was dealing with

[@mayra5269]

Support.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Absolutely! Seek out people and support groups that can speak truth into your life and remind you that you have value and you are worthy of love. If you don't have those kinds of people in your life, a good counselor can also play that role.

[@blahblahblah4544]

I just want to feel sane and happy again.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

To learn how to take control of your own health and happiness despite the craziness happening in your relationship, please reach out. It is possible and we can help. [phone] or [e-mail]

[@Alex-od7nl]

what do I need in this moment? I need for my children to be safe. that is why i stay in an abusive relationship.

[@paulagraham3]

No we don't want him to change. We need to cry out to our heavenly Father for peace and strength to overcome

[@MysticalDragonFly]

Validation

[@debraanchante3661]

Validation was my exact thought

[@noompsieOG]

I dont speak to anyone about what i deal with , anyone that i would have has been triangulated and manipulated. She got angry at me and called the cops then i was actially happy, the cops realised no domestic violence has occurrd but as they left i low key asked to be regfered to any supports available and soon ill be able to get the counselling and therapy i need in order to function bevause it just consumes me all day and impacts my life beyond measure

[@katherinewalker2013]

The stigma while you’re in it : “you need to leave”. The stigma after you’ve left: “stop ruminating and focus on your life and your kids.” Emotional abuse is complex and affects every part of one’s health and ability to function “normally”, because after long sustaining abuse, you’re left with a lot of mental and emotional pathology that’s hard for outsiders to understand unless they’ve too, experienced it. It’s an all consuming and isolating process, being in it and digging yourself out of it. Safety becomes very scarce and that’s the main thing you need. Loved ones are too close to offer the right kind of support. They see you hurting and want it to stop, and sadly, a lot of shaming comes with their “advice” and “support”. So, bookended with the feeling that you basically suck. Then, that makes you start to think about the moments when you felt safe in the relationship so you start to rationalize the abusers behavior in order to make sense of it- ultimately, just healing the blame back onto self, and the cycle perpetuates. May as well of just been murdered, because even the recovery path feels like trying to claw yourself out of grave whilst the dirt just keeps falling in biting you further. It’s a feeling of utter powerlessness.

[@vanessaadams9508]

I've gone through therapy tried having him get therapy. I live in Indiana and I'm from Arizona 7 years of police reports begging. I finally left with my son with nothing. He took all our money i worked hard to start a new life for my son and i but he was able to make us come back and continue tge same abuse. I have an autoimmune and i have been sick for sometime. No mater what i have done cry, beg, reasonably talk, place boundaries it doesn't matter. Ive gone to women's shelters, ive showed recordings video's. His lawyer was suspended for unethical practices towards me and is still harrasing him for divorce. I can't even get a probono lawyer. Infact a judge has made ok for him to call me, a derogatory name, "Nig%er," in court. I have no access to our account i have to ask for money. He has done so many outlandish things to me and no matter what i do i cannot get any help. He has a pill addiction but since he has a prescription and still buys more off the street drug testing doesn't matter. I don't know what to do but let him kill me little by little