5 Ways To Heal From Narcissistic Relationships

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If you didn’t know being in any type of relationship with a narcissist means that we could have been gaslit, manipulated, put down, and made to think that any bad thing that happened was our fault (just to name a few of the ways we could have been harmed). Obviously, this type of abuse can leave us wondering what happened, and thinking we are to blame, possibly struggling to know who we are, and leave us feeling traumatized. The best way to move past this and begin to heal is to go limited or no contact with them. I know that can be hard, and we can feel bad about doing it, but remember all of the situations where they lied, manipulated, or neglected you, and stay the course. It does get easier with time. Now, regardless of what our relationship was like, or the amount of abuse we were exposed to, I want to offer 5 ways that we can all heal and get our life back after ending that unhealthy relationship.
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[@SugarTide935]

If a person comes to the realization they are a narcissist, can they change?

[@Katimorton]

Of course!!! We just have to want to change and find a therapist who can help :) xoxo

[@crisrodriguez5693]

But... be careful. When you ask a narcissist "are you a narcissist?" their typical answer is something along the lines of "of course! so what? I am better than anybody else". So, a lot of them know they are narcissist, they just refuse to accept that it is a problem. Also, manipulative people often say "I will change, just stay with me" so they can keep abusing the victim. I don't know if a narcissist can change, but the disorder itself makes really hard for them to notice that there is something wrong. I'd rather be away and let them do that change, if they can, in some place where they can't possibly hurt me, now or in the future.

[@gpower9572]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change :-)

[@javierat8308]

Technically they can, but since narcissists almost never take any responsibility, they rarely think they need to change, and so you shouldn't bet on that. In fact, if you try to convince your narc that they are a narc so that they can change and stop hurting you, they will probably just say the narcissist is you. So it's better to never say that word, and just distance yourself. That takes a lot of grieving, but you can do it.

[@jaybeetee5272]

Yes, but. There are treatment programs geared at NPD and ASPD, but a) they take *years* of intensive therapy (sometimes multiple sessions per week), and b) most NPD/ASPD don't think they have a problem - other people are always the problem. So getting them through the door is a battle in itself, then them sticking with it. Apparently the best chance a narcissist has of seeking treatment is a secondary issue, like depression. My ex likely has something in the BPD/NPD range, but it'll never be diagnosed. He's gone to a few therapists over the years, but tends to disagree with them and drop out in three sessions or less.

[@humancapitalist]

I think the worse part about dating a narcissist is that there is literally no accountability on their part. It is so infuriating that they run around causing so much damage and they face zero consequences for it. Then you're left all alone trying to pick up the pieces of yourself. It makes me feel crazy. I dated mine for 2 years...it's been almost 9 months and it still feels like it happened just yesterday. I hate it so much.

[@justinkunheeyi]

I feel you, I didn’t realize I was with a narcissist for almost a year. And my self esteem was so bad, I talked to my friend about it and she was the one who told me that he was narcissistic, saved my life. I often notice that narcissists NEED somebody to manipulate or somebody close to control, and we just took that away from them. While they proceed forward to live with dissatisfaction and deep rooted insecurities without understanding it, we’ve moved on to more than we could’ve imagined. It’s not about Justice, it’s about finding peace and feeling like our life is ours again. One day they’ll notice how much better off we are without them, and that’s the ultimate revenge against a narcissist.

[@bhavininath737]

How're you doing now

[@lisalawtonlyons]

I was married to mine for 18yrs. I’m left dumbfounded, but at least I understand what the heck was wrong with him. We can heal, they are stuck in their miserable existence forever. Hang in there, we got this💜

[@aaronrhoades7777]

Keep on keepin on 😢 the struggle is real

[@brigitconroy8306]

Their karma is themselves. The really do secretly never measure up to themselves. They hate themselves more than any other person could.

[@ub3rcube]

A narcissist can really abuse you and then tell everyone you were the abuser after the relationship ends. The lies are infuriating, but you have to remember a person like that does not value telling the truth when it relates to them. They will twist everything to make themselves the hero and everyone else the villain.

[@betul7378]

So true.

[@Sal32856]

I have never related to something so much!

[@NGANSTURR]

Very true

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯💯

[@sarjnasinha253]

It's very disturbing and unsettling to go through this. How do I heal myself from this ?🙍🏼‍♀️

[@RedLP5000S]

My ex has shattered my belief in relationships. I simply cannot imagine being in another one, nor do I have the energy for it.

[@merncat3384]

You sound like me.. so what did I do?!? I waited 7 long damn YEARS before I allowed myself to even consider talking to someone.. I'm 45 years old I feel like I lost down on the best years of my life.. I think the only reason I let my wall down was because I felt like we had this insanely amazing connection.. he even understood my humor which nobody ever has.. he love bombed me so hard, just to start playing head games and disappear without a word. Our last conversation was a great one so there were no problems.. I don't understand. I'm devastated and I don't think I could ever risk going through this EVER again.

[@calliesaling5524]

i feel the same way, i’m not interested anymore i’m happy alone, sometimes lonely but that’s how i know i’m healing

[@deedeee6271]

Hi, I was also in such a relationship, but I think part of the healing process is mentally grasping the fact that there are people out there are are actually normal and would never behave that way. I saw somewhere to look for people who are different from what you have experienced. That is how you know you are in the right place with the right person. It's a process, but it's still possible, w/the correct guidance and healing.

[@Vixinaful]

I feel the exact same way, I dont even want frends anymore.

[@lela888]

I feel the same way I don’t trust people and don’t even want friends anymore

[@danielasolimano3726]

I just left a 5 yr relationship with a total narcissist that had me completely fooled, and the grieving part is so real, I miss those amazing moments we shared… it feels like he’s dead. but that doesn’t mean that I don’t realize that only I was in the fairytale, only I was true and committed, he cheated lied and manipulated. I don’t know how I’ll ever love or trust anyone else. All the things I’m uncovering about him now have me completely shocked I’m traumatized and totally broken

[@lisalawtonlyons]

I was married to mine for 18yrs. I’m left dumbfounded that this man I loved, was a whole different person when he wasn’t home. It’s definitely shocking. The cheating, lying, triangulation and manipulation, is overwhelming to process. At least we know we can heal, we are good people capable of giving and receiving love, when we are ready. These demons are stuck as horrible people, and will never have the kind of peace we will have, by getting them out of our lives. I know it feels lonely, and I know I’m angry that I’m “left alone” to pick up the pieces, and they just roll into another relationship with another victim. That’s what we need to remember, we are no longer their victim, someone else is💜

[@juliecarson4332]

The same thing happened to me during the 2 years that he lived with me. Face the feelings of hurt, cry, stay close with friends and family. Pray for God to heal you. Don't dwell on the awful things he did and accept the fact that some people have addictions, (or their own demons), as a friend put it. Mine lied and cheated also. It hurts. I'll cry more but I won't blame myself. My mom was abused by a violent alcohol for 6 years. Our childhood can make us be drawn to these type of people. I'm facing this head on so I don't repeat the cycle. I hope you do too. God be with you. He can make miracles happen.

[@rachelgupta5216]

@@lisalawtonlyons I relate with this so so so much. Especially the man he is when he's not home. Currently experiencing all of this trauma. The cheating, lies, manipulation, gaslighting and i have become physically unwell because of the emotional drainage.

[@twinmillie00]

💔💔

[@Mariah-c9w]

I’m sorry 😢you had to go through and endure that I hope you’re loving yourself more and more everyday

[@nataliaf.r.2126]

Something that helped me recover was to remember that in this type of relationship I was never allowed to feel, my feelings, thoughts and concerns were never considered at all. And we all need to have our feelings towards the smallest to the largest situations considered. I don't want to be in a relationship like that again, and won't accept it

[@shoseikunpsychologypvt1299]

Natalia you are so right We all have right to feel all emotions and have our own opinion and thoughts.

[@nicselectronics81]

Same, my parent didn't have feelings and I learned to keep it all in as they continued to try to destroy me. 30 years of my life wasted. And my sadness is gone finally.

[@merncat3384]

@@nicselectronics81 I can relate to that completely only I'm 45 and I thought I was passed it all until I recently got into a relationship with a narcissist and he brought all of my issues to the surface again

[@NiaItalia]

Love this

[@SharlenesJourney]

Right !!

[@rasmuslassen6273]

It is also worth noting that if we attract narcissists, let them step on us, and we disrespect ourselves, we have most likely been abused and/or neglected in childhood. People with healthy childhoods typically won't disrespect themselves or let others disrespect them for an extended period of time.

[@athenasuperheldin1017]

@patrica tomson but we make a habit of collecting those red flags and that conditioning because we did not have a healthy childhood and never really learned ho to set boundaries.

[@DevineLoved]

Not always even those with good child hood suck in a relationship

[@leahflower9924]

somewhere deep down we usually feel like we deserve mistreatment but most narcs go too far for too long and we leave because we feel like we are going insane

[@leahflower9924]

@@MaliMwauraNdichu why? Because empaths are the perfect prey for narcs, narcs need fuel for their ego and empaths are more willing to help with that than the average person. You know mosquitoes need hosts same thing and mosquitoes like pregnant women and babies the most.

[@MaliMwauraNdichu]

@@leahflower9924 thanks for this

[@Zoya194]

1. Acknowledge the abuse happened. Write. Share. Speak up. 2. Grieve or mourn the loss. Even abusive relationships are still relationships. Don’t ignore these feelings. Process it. Just don’t do back. 3. Break past patterns. Now. Recognise if you have lousy boundaries, second guess your instincts, codependency etc. This takes time. Do this when you are single. 4. Heal from the trauma. It’s takes time to figure out what happened and heal. Stick with it. Do therapy. 5. Reclaim yourself. Figure out who you are. Say no. Be you. We may not know who we are and what we want. Start small. Don’t ask anyone for their inputs. Build up your confidence slowly with the small stuff and build to the big. Limited or no contact with the Narc.

[@spillthedeen]

Love this. Going to print it and look at it every morning.

[@Twinmama143]

Love this!

[@Dastardly_X]

Very helpful, thanks ‼️

[@emmaharper860]

Absolutely 💯

[@paulbibi2874]

Very helpful

[@bxvtriz]

u forgot to mention how to deal w the narcissist painting us as the bad guy+crazy person to other people once we leave. when we leave w a broken heart and low self esteem this buffoonery can be rly hard to deal with.

[@maddy4690]

I swear he contacted my 2-3 close frnds and made me seem like a crazy person. As if I am creating an issue.

[@sarjnasinha253]

@@maddy4690 I am going through the Same thing. He has spun so many atrocious lies and has projected me as the bad person. After all the trauma , to deal with all the lies. It's disturbing and unsettling

[@SharlenesJourney]

Yessss I’m going through this now 😔 thinking I’m the bad person when I’m not this person always talks about me behind my back and makes me feel like it’s all my fault

[@sofiber4350]

I was in a abusive relationship and when we split appart I was several month hospilized for being schizophrenic.

[@Mariah-c9w]

@@sarjnasinha253 makes it harder to heal when they were all you had and now have nobody else or won’t ever again bc of that

[@JQzZ23]

No contact, no contact, no contact It is so crucial!!

[@crystinamarie1]

How did you deal with the guilt and remorse when you blocked them?

[@xxxxkaseyxxxx]

pleas can you tell me how? i’ve got borderline personality disorder and find it so hard. he is a narc, he discards me for months and i find myself begging pleading, then he comes back and does it all again.

[@v.e.jansen7720]

I would add to be careful with who you talk to about the abuse. They might invalidate your feelings too because they know the person or don't understand how bad it really was. People cannot understand why I don't want any contact with my father, they don't think that's right of me. But please try to trust yourself and your feelings

[@crimsontuba1]

Talking to a therapist first is usually super helpful. Good therapist definitely will take time to figure out who your closes contacts are, and who in your family and social circle are healthy relationships and who's toxic. Some therapist aren't so subtle about which friends of yours they like.

[@victoriajension8302]

I totally agree with this especially with narc parents. There's such a stigma that we have to love and respect our parents just because they "raised" us without understanding the abuse u went through. I was just telling my friends about this the other day and they were both like wtf why would anyone invalidate that?? But there's always gonna be people that say "but she's still your mom" "she did so much for you" "parenting is hard" it's all bs

[@debbienpeters]

Agree I have a narc mother and, pretty much every person I have talked to about her including counselors, are like, but it's your mother, she loves you. Yeah, no she doesnt. Good lord, it's like they think they are helping. I wish people would stop saying that is love, cause even knowing it is narcissistic abuse, it is still hard for me to not fall back into bad patterns.

[@foreverhilaryy]

Agree completely! I went to my sister about the mental abuse my mom put me through for 15+ years and she got defensive right away saying I was wrong. Even though she didn’t live with us for years or see it for her own eyes.

[@shoseikunpsychologypvt1299]

Veerle you are so right. We should trust our-self .... society taught us respect parents and follow what parents say us. It leads to immature personality, codependency plus parents can be really toxic and just to be able to live person should not contact with parents

[@beatlesada98]

I endured 5 months. I got out. I can’t imagine being in a relationship for much longer. It wrecked me. I’m much better, but it’s been after therapy and a lot of self work to rebuild myself. It has been a little over a year since. It’s awful when people see and know a different person than the one you experienced. Sending love and light for those who have experienced this.

[@narcsmarksnarcissisticabus5093]

I was only able to stay with a narc for 11 months. Glad I got out. Im glad you got out too.

[@marylnmonroe]

I had 2 narcissistic relationships both ended within 6 months.. i left both. I couldnt imagine being with them for years and years

[@samarkand24ify]

Me too.. About 5 months.. I am a complete wreck.. working with therapist now. I am destroyed, broken into pieces.. ((( Thank you for your sending love..

[@toemasmeems]

@@Icecloudsxxo same man 5 years on and off for when she’d break it off with me for “something I did or didn’t do”. An absolute waste of time but I’m glad I’m still alive and not alone. 🥂 cheers life is still full of joy

[@ibrarhussain5536]

Try 18 years 🥺 only just realizing why i developed a anxiety disorder 3 years sgo. Might help me leave now i no it's not love its trauma bond that kept me there . piece by piece losing my self can't recognize the person in mirror can't remember last time i could. I was 18 she was 37 my first relationship 17 years on stuck mentally 🥺🥺

[@Emopandasarefunny]

I just got out of a three year relationship full of abuse and gas lighting. Thank you for this

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry.. but I am glad you are out and I hope this video is helpful!! xoxo

[@mhairisteele6113]

I’m so sorry to hear you have been treated like this girl. About two years ago I got out of a three year long mentally abusive relationship filled with gaslighting and manipulation. I cut him out, got a therapist, stayed single, and prioritised myself for once. I’ve never looked back. It took me around 6 months to actually admit to myself it was abuse and he caused my anxiety. But now, two years on, I’ve fully grown and flourished into the woman I’ve always wanted to be. Confident, in love with healing, I speak up when I’m uncomfortable, I have become a parent to myself. I want to let you know that you can and will get there, you will heal, in your own wonderful way. I’m super proud of you for walking away and choosing yourself, it’s difficult. But girl, you are unstoppable now. You are a beautiful person worthy of love and respect. It’s when we look for that love from within ourselves that we truly allow change and growth. I wish you the best on your journey of healing ❤️

[@Emopandasarefunny]

Red Head thank you so much for this message. I am so glad you are doing better, you give me so much hope! I feel like I can finally breathe and I know one day we’ll be fully healed from our experiences! ❤️

[@christina-tinarose5660]

Same. It’s been exactly a year but still have to deal with him

[@shoseikunpsychologypvt1299]

Heey. I am sorry to hear it and congratulation you ended iy you are really brave and strong!!! The recovery is a journey it will get better and better .... remember all emotions are ok to feel:) Have a nice day... Much love xo

[@asdf4678z]

One of my mistakes was going back to them after things went sour. I learned that this is a classic symptom of a narc/empath relationship. It was hard and painful and I'm still torn up, but this time I let it go sooner than I did in past relationships. 😔 I didn't stick it out as long to give tons of chances like I did in previous relationships. He proved in a very short time that he could not change and I accepted rather than holding on to that shimmer of useless hope forever. It was best for both of us to go our separate ways. Sometimes they apologize but it's shallow and insincere if you get an apology at all. Mostly you will be met with blaming you for most everything and being told some form of "get over it". If it seems sincere then they will simply repeat the behaviors over and over which negate any apology. The best apology is changed behavior but that begins with changed thinking.... And narcs don't think they need to change. YOU need to change ....and they are right. Change your standards and leave them. Never look back.

[@ms.bubs4fun506]

Very well said! Especially about changing behavior if you are truly sorry.

[@christythomas4287]

I just went through the exact same thing . He begged me back but I left sooner this time .

[@leahingraham5509]

Me!! But finally free

[@Mariah-c9w]

Said it the best way thank you I’ll keep this in mind

[@crystinamarie1]

How did you go no contact?

[@victorbn6191]

My ex overcame so many things from her childhood. She never viewed herself as the prettiest but she later became confident. She didn't have the best grades but she rose to the top of her class through hard work. Her parents didn't care too much about her but she learned to care about herself. I was so obsessed with her story that I didn't notice that I was losing my own. She had been through a lot but she was still mean. I'm thankful for the people in my life who told me to walk away cuz I don't think I would have done it without them.

[@merncat3384]

Be glad you got out.. it's a shame that she is damaged but you shouldn't have to suffer the consequences

[@toemasmeems]

My ex was the same way. Her father was an alleged sex cult leader and she claimed that he’s innocent and that she had trauma all throughout her life. I felt for her but for five years I lost sight of who I was and what I wanted to be. And I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with her lies anymore although I do miss her.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Yeah you kind of become enmeshed with them and their issues and lose your own identity.

[@robertvalentine7493]

Makes too much sense to me. Unfortunately for our big hearts. Good luck and stay strong ❤

[@lemonnate6663]

From my experience relationships with a narcissist can be some of the most toxic out there. The important thing to realize it’s not your job to make them happy or make them realize they are narcissistic.

[@birdlady2725]

It is difficult when raised by very abusive nm. I did not have any life skills, being isolated and told "can't, shouldn't, dont" ,you are stupid, etc. I did not even have skills on how to have friendships with people my own age. I had to learn how to do laundry in college, learn to cook after getting married, etc. It has been a challenge trying to survive this way. I resent that she destroyed me in ways most others take for granted. I never feel safe, I don't trust (my own abilities, or other people). I resent that the other adults in my life knew she was abusing me, yet, did nothing. So now I am a reclusive bitter angry person. Add workplace back and head injuries that never got fixed, so in constant pain, my life sucks.

[@cynthiaespinal318]

I needed to read this today. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@derekmorley5844]

@@birdlady2725 I felt I was bitter angry person who didn't need anyone else. After getting out of a long term relationship with a narcissist, I could see exactly what was going on. Get rid of those other people in your life . They clearly don't care about you. Anyone who doesn't support you. Be strong and move forward. Don't be angry - it wont help you. Find a good therapist and get on top of your issues. You can survive an thrive with the right help.

[@weightlosedairy]

Even journaling is hard, because it brings me back to the past.

[@HestiaBHN1]

Its hard but try to focus in The Now.

[@arfisch]

Katie this was what I needed to hear. I was in a relationship like that when I was 19, married him at 20 and divorced at 23. I am going to be 50 this year and it still affects me. Watching your video brought up a lot of emotions. Thank you. Now I know what to talk to my therapist about. I haven’t felt myself for 20 years.

[@pollytheparrot8929]

❤🤗🙏

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

You are a survivor. You are stronger. You are free. Celebrate your new life.

[@CatherineJonesTX]

Professor Sam Vaknin says victimhood is very bad for us, it's keeps one from healing, we must admit our role, like " I saw some red flags and did it anyhow, or "He physically abused me and I didn't leave right away, so he did it again and again" It was very traumatizing, but if we keep feeling like a victim instead of a survivor, we can't grow. HEY, I must be REALLY strong to have endured 19 months of physical/emotional and verbal abuse! Are you kidding, I got out! This poor bastard is stuck in his evil fantasy world for the rest of his LIFE!! He'll never be able to know what LOVE is...thank God that didn't happen to me...hey, could have been myself that had a horrible trauma filled childhood and ended up in his shoes. I pity them, but don't come near me!

[@dominiksupe5583]

It's been 4 years since mine relationship. Many ups and downs and now kinda just accepted that I won't ever be the same. I'm the new me, better in some ways, worse in others, but I can never be the same. I wish I could, maybe one day.

[@spillthedeen]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you feel like yourself more now. I got married at 35 and didn't realize he was a narcissist. He ended up getting a concussion and he became aggressive and abusive. I stayed for almost 2 years and when I finally left, he got himself a girlfriend within a month. I hope I forget him and heal from the trauma. I get worried that this will be on my mind for the rest of my life. I also lost my father 9 months after getting married to this abusive narcissist. It's alot.

[@meadowsanddawn7464]

One of the ways to strongly acknowledge abuse (when you are confused) is reminding yourself of the physical damage you got from it. I personally developped insomnia, anxiety and depression, digestive issues, chronic headaches, hormonal imbalances and many other things that plague my daily life. I get gaslighted by the narcs in my life about my health problems, which makes me feel bad and a failure, when they were actually the ones who caused me these issues in the first place. I try to always keep track of all the physical damage so I can keep in check all the abuse I lived through, as I try to ward off all the manipulation of "I don't know what's wrong with you, you're always sick" "I am so cursed and unlucky to have such ill and useless children" statements and passive aggressive attacks that made me feel guilty for years.

[@bcool5208]

So true. Mine was psychological with a por n addict. And I had severe anxiety and fear. Wondering when would be the next time he Would deliberately hurt me. Now its over after 2 years and im lonely. And trying not to miss him cause what

[@magicalzhee]

I have experienced this too and to quite a degree. I recognize I’m an empath to begin with and generally pick up on the energy of people intensely - my gut instincts (“second brain”) can be rather strong. With this most recent relationship with a narcissist, I found myself constantly feeling like I needed to gasp for a deep breath of air to try and ground my emotions raging wildly within. I always had to drive when going anywhere to avoid motion sickness, which had more to do with my emotions than anything, and the last time I was in his town visiting, the intensity of the physical pain and nausea was CrAzY… unlike anything I’ve felt before… I got out of the car, nearly passed out, started to cry and just wanted to throw up but kept myself from doing so. Life with him was constantly like living in a state of nervous shock and tenseness. Please listen to your gut instincts when in these relationships and put yourself first!!! Always put yourself first and make no apologies for it. ♥️ sending healing vibes, love, light, hugs and all of the above to everyone needing it ♥️♥️♥️

[@ablackcloud2530]

I have been going through this. Can barely eat, got stomach pain, my body has been getting weaker and i'm losing weight, and when I told him all he could say was for me to not stress, like it was related to something else.

[@derekmorley5844]

Why are those narcissists still in your life? Get rid of them. You will never get anywhere while they are gaslighting and a abusing you. Get a good therapist.

[@joyromasantavillarete9798]

I got panic attack and anxiety. Everytime I wake up, my heart beat is racing and uncontrollable emotion. This started to happen after we broke up

[@nickpepper6518]

The hardest part for me has been accepting what I went through with her was traumatic. A lot of the time I ask myself “was any of it really that bad? I know deep down she loves me, so why should I feel so hurt?” And through recent work w my therapist, I’ve been able to slowly accept that the relationship and the trauma are worth working through. Beautiful video, I’m going to come back to this every time I start to really miss her, even though that it’s hard to hear this right now.

[@samia6888]

This is the hardest part for me too. When I tell people what I been through they are stunned. To me I just think of all the good times and it makes me feel so bad.

[@shoseikunpsychologypvt1299]

Hey, Nick, congratulation accepting is one of the most important part of recovery. Remember all emotions are ok to feel... we need all emotions...anger .. "barging stage"(when we are asking if we can get everything back how it was before...doubting if it was that bad" , grieving ... and so on.. are important part of recovery.... Remember Nick you are worthy of love.. fulfilling relationship and being fully accepted. Much love xo

[@Collectivemyndthought]

I married a narcissist within 7 months two months of knowing this woman and unfortunately she became pregnant. She was the epitome of what a narcissist is. She felt because she made over six figures, the world evolved around her. She lacked so much empathy that she tore me down as a man because I didn’t make as much money as her. Her 7 year old daughter was a pure reflection of her. When I first met her she asked, “how much money do you make a year?”.. I was shocked. The worse part of all of this is that she tore me down mentally, emotionally, and physically. She abused me physically and now I’ve left the relationship. Sad to say this but I wish I had never met her or decided to have children with her. I don’t know who I am anymore and I am lost. I’m definitely will need therapy. Please pray for me

[@aadilmoolla9585]

@@Collectivemyndthought Hi man, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s just the worst, you would never imagine a person could be like that. Yet there they are. Just got out of one after 2.5 years, I feel weak to my knees. Unable to concentrate, really sad. Trying each day to pull myself out. She was almost pregnant, I think God saved me. I realized that I jumped into the relationship with the Narc after I just broke up with a previous ex, I was still hurting and enjoyed the company but should have taken some time. My fault for jumping in too soon, she could probably sense it and used it. Honestly feel like I never want another relationship, just want this sadness to disappear, want her to disappear.

[@derekmorley5844]

@@Collectivemyndthought I am just out of a long relationship with a narc. Over 30 years! It seemed ok to begin with and then I became focused on he kids and didn't really have idea what was going on until I pulled the pin. And what an eye-opener that was. I can see clearly now and with the help of a therapist and a great friend I have worked through all this and have come out much better on the other side. Narcissists are truly evil people. They will always try to gaslight you and manipulate you, but you can rise up and find yourself again and be happy.

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

Symptoms: Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration. Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it. Exaggerate achievements and talents. Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.👍

[@quintecence]

Literally my sister. Cutting her out of my life 2 years ago was the best decision of my life. She stole from me, was entitled, put everyone around her down and always acted like she was the centre of the universe. Once I cut contact with her, she tried to retaliate against my mum by emotionally blackmailing her... My mum also cut contact with her 😂 My quality of life and happiness have skyrocketed. Best decision of my life.

[@christychapin8357]

And most importantly - no empathy for others!

[@adaoratheexplorer1252]

This is my Ex exactly! I just decided to go no contact and I'm struggling..

[@moscowcowboy_13]

I am so raw that even though I know I need to watch these videos and work on me, I get so distracted, I keep pausing it, maybe taking notes, or looking at something else for a minute. It's really hard for me to completely be in the moment right now because I am so hurt.

[@GthiskahbHlovesyky]

That is so true, i used to easily be able to focus on anything, now I just get so aloof, unmotivated, depress some day where I just sleep the entire day. Had to quit my job cause I couldn't pretend functioning like a normal positive human being when my mind was constantly on edge. Tried to distract myself so many time, one day the tears just couldn't hold themselves anymore & I just lost it in the train crying nonstop for no reason.

[@Jezebel066]

What drives me crazy is I want to explain how bad he hurt me & how it broke my heart to be discarded too. But he just says I brought it all on myself. I want him to feel bad he lost me one day & I know he won’t..

[@micahrutland9021]

You deserve a loving man who is caring and sensitive to your emotions. These people don't have hearts.

[@rubenmedina2983]

I ended up removing her from my life about 2 weeks ago. I felt like a bad person but all that stress went away. I needed to see this. I've been loosing sleep thinking if I did the right thing, but I think this is going to help. Thank you

[@lindawise5546]

So much falls away once theres no contact. You start to find you again.

[@rickhoward1516]

Its insane how you feel grief longing for them but relief at the same time. The love for them is real, thats the part you miss, but the relief is the abuse part.

[@crystinamarie1]

That's how it feels for me. I feel like I made a mistake when I block him. Like some big regret is going to plague me. And I used to think it was him but now I'm thinking it's me letting go of the fantasy of "us" that is what I need to overcome.

[@Horseluvver]

They're so wonderful in the beginning that you might spend years waiting for that person they first showed you to come back.

[@cjphights8324]

I feel like the whole country will need to do this.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Indeed. Trauma is being passed down through generations. It comes from scarcity (even if it's perceived), especially emotional scarcity.

[@mandolaa]

Not only a country

[@CatieMannino]

My parents are both narcissists. I cut ties almost a year and a half ago and it STILL gets to me from time to time whether its in anger, sadness, or both. Thank you for this video ❤️

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

To give yourself that space to be sad, angry etc. in order to grieve and move on is the best thing you can do for yourself. 💜🤗

[@lunaeydis4426]

Be proud for having the courage and strength to get out :) Both parents is A LOT.

[@singehetalo230]

you have done the right decision

[@crystinamarie1]

Did you block him?

[@winstonthevengefulduck470]

I just cried during the whole video. Thank you. I just can't really process what's happened to me. I'm so lost. So so lost.

[@samuelrabasco6783]

how are you feeling now?

[@SaraMakesArt]

"Grieve the loss" I had a narcissistic stepfather. I don't miss him or my relationship with him, but I miss not having been able to grow up with a healthy father/daughter relationship. A couple of years ago, my mom told me he had passed away. I hadn't seen him for about six or seven years at least at that point. I always thought I'd feel like jumping for joy when I heard that man had died, but I didn't. Mostly, I just felt numb. It sucks to know that even if I was able to tell him how much he hurt me, he would never feel sorry.

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry. It's so complicated when someone who was abusive or hurtful passes away. I hope some of the tips offered in the video are helpful. xoxo

[@grandmastermario3695]

I had the same exsperiences with all my dad's and stepdads except none of them are dead I've never had a good releshionship or a good experience with any of them either now my dad did teach me soccer and fencing with sticks and certain board games but he was just abusive neglectful and and has his own serious problems the other stepdads all they did was make my life a living hell really our lives is kind of worse than are losing dad's because well we never really had good ones in the first place it's very sad

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

That's the hardest part and I'm at the stage of grieving that relationship. I had confronted him last Christmas and saw there was *absolutely nothing* there for me. Not even a fucking "I'm sorry". Nada. Niente. Zero. So I know how much it hurts to have been robbed of that relationship that you had the right to have as a human being. I'm glad you managed to have put that behind and know that you're not alone in your struggle/pain. 🤗💜

[@elizacosell7309]

Didn’t realize I needed this, but I do. My father is a narcissist and I am truly losing my relationship with him. It’s so complicated because I’ve realized he has abused me and gaslighted me my whole life. He has negatively impacted every relationship I have, especially with myself. Setting the boundaries and breaking the patters while also struggling with anxiety and depression is so hard. Thank you for this. It is so nice to see a community of people in the comments and to have your amazing advice and guidance. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@jahnavisharma6562]

So have I, my father is a narc too. I relate with your comment so much. Sending you so much love ❤️

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

You're not alone. My father too is narcissistic. I went zero contact for a while now and he still tries once in a while to get his narcissistic supply from me, mainly through my mother which saddens me, especially as my mother has grown older and is having mental issues and has been recently diagnosed with diabetes. Hurts a lot to be far away from her, although I do try to support her by calling her once in a while and by being grateful that the extended family check in with her once in a while and help out getting her a break from the narc. once in a while (even if they don't realize they're doing that). The hardest part is to grieve that relationship you ought to have but have been deprived of. Know that it's okay to feel like whatever you need feeling be it anger, annoyance, frustration, hurt, sadness even joy for maybe some of the good memories as well (I remember in particular doing math with my father whenever we were walking long distances from home after he'd get his salary) - it's ok to grieve all of that. The best thing you can do is to move on. Stay strong and stay safe. 💪🏻💜🤗

[@judixx]

Peace be with you. May I ask if you are doing ok-er now? And may I know how you find out your dad is a narc? What is the best way to take in this piece of truth? I asked bec I have someone I care for very much in same situation. I don’t know if telling that person the identity of Narcissistic victim would create another trauma for her.

[@merncat3384]

Please try to get help because I didn't.. I was angry at the fact that he caused my issues and I didn't feel that I should have to be the one to fix what he destroyed but all it did was hurt me further.. I'm 45 years old and still suffering

[@misselle3049]

@@merncat3384 I relate to this so so much.

[@maimaivaj91]

It wasn't until I saw my toxic ex again after 4 years of having broken up that I realized the person who I used to be is no longer here. At first I was sad about it but then later realized how far I have came and how much I have grown emotionally, mentally, and financially. I am so proud of the changes I have made to drastically improve myself and my life. It's okay to mourn a past self, just remember to appreciate where you are now and what progress you have made.

[@xK-la]

I finally moved out of home and haven't seen my dad since. Its been the best 11 months of my life - just because your parent is a narcisst doesn't mean that you have to put up with them. Anyone who reads this and feels like you are stuck, I promise that you aren't! You can leave!

[@lunaeydis4426]

I know. I left,too. It has barely been a week,but I feel AMAZING! 🤩

[@xK-la]

Luna Eydis I’m so glad to hear that! Happy for you! X

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Wow well spoken sister.......narcs have ruined millions of lives in this universe......stay away from toxic folks ....yall gotta run for y'all lives !!!!!!

[@c.r.7077]

The hardest part for me is trying to explain it. People very close to me could see it before I did, but trying to explain it to other people is incredibly difficult.

[@jyotsana4266]

My mom is a typical narcissist. She made me hate myself for 15 years. I always hated myself my entire childhood until I grew up and realized that it was not my fault. She hurted me again and again emotionally, mentally andphysically.. and then compensated me with care..and gifts and money by fighting with my dad. I later got into a relationship with someone who was just like my mom.🙁☹

[@Karsyn_Marie]

Omg same. Thts how I knew my mom was a narcissist once I met this guy. He was a reflection of my mom.

[@andrewjay3218]

5 years deep and going through a divorce now. I still don’t know what happened throughout our entire relationship.. I can’t remember anything really. It’s hard to tell my days apart. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I start therapy in the next month, which was something she always told me made me weak for wanting, so I never got it. I’m excited to start but her voice still rings in my head..

[@TeeTs-tz3nz]

You deserve better gal 😊

[@lf663]

Thank you for the video. I’m currently 7 hours post discard (fourth time around) and my head and belly just hurt so much. In the last six months I have been hoovered and discarded four times over, but this one is hurting me like nothing I’ve known before. The devaluing has taken place over the last three weeks, but finally today the official discard begins. He said ‘he needs to get his life together’ and can’t be in a relationship. We’ve had two years together. I feel sick, I feel confused, and actually I feel pretty ugly and worthless (oxymoron). My heart physically aches and I got my period a week early due to the hormones all over the place. I don’t know how I am ever going to trust another man (or person in general) and the idea of being in a relationship again makes me feel very tense. I hope to get through this pain, and hope that I am strong enough to not return to him if he tries to hoover me up again.

[@kristenhill6961]

I was officially discarded 2 months ago. It still feels fresh and the pain hasn't subsided. I've tried therapy and distracting myself with friends, but it hasn't gone away. I caught him dming some girl on ig he claimed that was another one of his "just friends" I didn't let it go and after 2 weeks he dumped me. He told me that I deserved better, that he wanted me to be happy, but that wouldn't involve him. He said he stayed because he constantly questioned his interpretation of love.. so then why tell me you love me? I met his kids. He told me that I wasn't the one. That he wasn't coming back and that I needed to move on with my life. When I reached out a couple weeks after he said I was harassing him and that I needed to stop contacting him or he'd be forced to take legal action. He was going out and liking girls pictures post discard, but he did that during the relationship too. He kept tabs on me because someone told him I was on dating apps. I ran into him at a club while I was on a date with someone he knows through a mutual friend of theirs. He was upset. A part of me wanted to illicit a reaction or a hoover. Idk why I still love and miss him and want him to hoover to prove that he was wrong for leaving me, but I know I wouldn't take him back. I feel delusional and worthless.

[@kristenhill6961]

How are you feeling now 6 months post discard? Does it get better?

[@lf663]

@@kristenhill6961 hey, I’m so sorry to hear all of this. It actually felt all too familiar. He was doing the same thing to me, DM’ing other women and liking their photos - that really hurt, and is having a negative impact on me even to this day. What I would say from my experience now is that this person did not love me, or maybe they did, but they love themselves a hell of a lot more and are unable to protect my feelings and needs. It sounds like he has put you through it, and what I’ve also learned is that things should not be this hard. X

[@lf663]

@@kristenhill6961 well, aren’t I foolish. A few months ago he ‘bumped’ into me at the gym (he knew he would find me there) he said how he misses me and how he wants to be back in touch. Well, long story short, my vulnerability allowed him back in and oh how he was so good to me. The best version of him I have ever seen. We even travelled together. After 11 weeks, the rug was pulled from beneath my feet again, and I was left feeling weaker than ever before. This time around cut deeper than any time previously, and I have not been in a good place. Before he contacted me at the gym, I was in a much better place (which was around 3 months after the previous discard) and unfortunately allowing him back in had unravelled all of my good work. I regret allowing him back in. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that that once you move on and he sees that, he will be back in touch. AVOID AVOID AVOID. He has been trying to reach me via email in the last couple of weeks but I am not responding and I never will. Some days it’s hard because I am single and live alone, so the company would be great. But I must be strong and think about my mental health. I would advise you to do the same - no man is worth all of these tears and all of this pain. Life is hard enough without somebody making you feel worse. I hope you get well soon. Can ask me any more questions if it might help with your healing x

[@empath4445]

A hard pill to swallow, yet necessary and important, is that in many instance the victim let the narc in for one reason or another, and it’s a lesson to learn for future relationship. Narc interactions are a lesson learned.

[@icevalkyrie7]

I havent been in a relationship in a long time because of the fear it left me with. Been taking it one day at time for a long while now so I wish anyone who has gone through this all the best.

[@RD-ms9gn]

I sympathize with you as I haven't been in a relationship for so long. I am lonely but I also don't want another narcissist.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

I concur. Same here. Not been in a relationship in a long time after a nasty relationship. Been taking it slow.

[@abbyjolet4114]

Almost two months ago my mom and I left my narcissistic father, thank you for this!

[@grayonthewater]

Ugh I wanted my mom and I to do that so bad but my mom is religious and doesn’t believe in divorce 😫 good for you guys!

[@shoseikunpsychologypvt1299]

Heey congratulations!!!both of you are so brave and strong to do!!!:)) much love xo

[@CassieWinter]

Thank you for normalizing going no contact or low contact with abusers.

[@jane_7193]

Excellent. No contact seems the only option. I have tried limited contact. Any normal empathy and caring is not possible with a narc, very quickly the whole show is on.

[@Ueruchan]

I forget sometimes that my negative thoughts about myself come from my dad and not me. I'm NOT being overdramatic, I'm NOT "trying to manipulate" him. It's okay for me to feel what I'm feeling.

[@johnypanta6208]

Thank you for this video so much. It has been 9 months since I ended up a friendship with a narcissist. He was my best friend for 10 years. We were like brothers. It has been tough and I think I am still healing. The first months were the most difficult. I started therapy and it really helped me move on with my life. Ending it was one of the toughest choices I had to do in my life so far, but it was also the best choice. Once it was clear that it was over I had the same feeling that you have when you take the first breath after being underwater for too long. I am not kidding. I physically felt my lungs filling with oxygen. Sometimes I still feel nostalgic and miss him...and it is ok. I will always have the memories. Don't be afraid to break free. It's never too late. It's them. Not you. Realize that they will no change and accept it. You have been tricked and manipulated. This doesn't mean you are stupid. It means they are good at what they do. Narcissism is a coping mechanism and they know how to weaponize empathy. If you feel you have someone who mentally or emotionally abuses you, put a stop. Break free...

[@trishablanchard8708]

I needed to hear this as well. To hear someone else say what I've been feeling makes me feel better. Narcissist abuse is real and people that have never experienced it they just don't understand. Thank you Katie.

[@GthiskahbHlovesyky]

That is so true, the worst part is trying to keep your emotions in tact to not worry your loves ones while all you want to do is to cry, full blow going in rage mode due to the hurt & manipulations. Yet you still have to not give them the satisfaction of proving their lies truth cause they turn everything & everyone against you.

[@mrs.jessicabentson3494]

This is the part that always left me in confusion. He would acknowledge his wrong doing, cry a river, but the in rage verbal abuse and control never stopped

[@puccipuu1797]

My top tip is if you’re ever tempted back think of your favourite event eg Christmas or birthdays and think how the narc or abuser made you feel before during and after these events and then think of how it could have gone if they weren’t there.

[@realbihh3493]

My mouth drop wide open … all I ever wanted to do was enjoy a holiday with my now 4 year old child … every year I say watch next year is going to be better … HE ALWAYS ATTACKS me hear holidays

[@brokenhalo315]

It's been a year since I ended the abusive relationship I was in, and I find that I'm still hurting from it. I know I have a ways to heal yet, so thank you for the reminder and the validation!

[@eleni-boraldamanelari5853]

Same here! There are moments I feel I have done an enormous job and other moments when I feel I’m at square one:( No contact at all with him has helped me a lot though and I wish I had done this from the very beginning!

[@Jessica_BR]

Forgiveness (I don't mean get back to it) is the only way for healing

[@MikeVeny]

The hardest part for me has been acknowledging that it happened and giving it a name. As I've worked through this through journaling and in therapy, it's been incredibly healing. In fact, I'm almost to the point where I can think of this person and not get triggered. Thanks for the work you do Kati! 🙂

[@leahingraham5509]

I journaled through it all and it was therapeutic but now that I'm mostly past it I feel reading all those horrible times may just be triggering

[@gideonmele1556]

Hey fellow traveler on the interwebs, may you heal from this and grow stronger. Stay strong and you can do it, may you discover and be all who you were made to be. Peace and God bless -Random youtube commenter also recovering from narcissists of the past

[@RiverGlassStudios]

Its true that healing from this takes time. Its been a year sense I left my abusive situation, and I still feel horrible, but I also feel strong. Just don't forget how far you've come when looking at the road you still haven't gone down.

[@whiskeyrivers]

My birth father is such a Narcissist. And VERY Abusive is every way possible. I finally ended our "relationship" for good! Thank you for this video!

[@statesunlocked]

Congratulations on being so brave and knowing when to say enough is enough.

[@whiskeyrivers]

@@statesunlocked Thank you.

[@Eco_Hiko]

I grew up under an overprotective narcissist for 25 years. Spent the last 3 years trying to heal. I need this video in my life

[@cheriejohnson9445]

I was married to a narcissist and the counselor I was seeing never acknowledged it and told me to let it go and get over it. Thank you for saying it was ok for me to grieve the loss.

[@kellithomas4737]

The Therapist probably knew nothing about Narcissistic abuse. My therapist pretty much told me the same thing. It's hard to give advice on a topic you have no clue about. I had to stop going to that Therapist and find someone who knows about narcissistic abuse. My ex was able to manipulate the Therapist. It was horrible!

[@Logger2008]

Everything you said in this video resonated with me. I moved out of my abusive mother's house the day after I graduated high school and have had very limited contact with her ever since. I think the hardest part for me is explaining to people that I actually suffered trauma. No one who meets my mother would ever suspect that she could be abusive, and what makes it harder is that she has MS, and is now totally dependent on my step-dad's assistance, so it's easy for people to judge me for abandoning her. It's been 17 years, and I've done a lot of hard work to heal, but it's still an uphill battle. I'm really lucky that I have a support system of people that believe me, and love me.

[@debbienpeters]

Totally agree. And people, for me, act like cause it's my mother she can anything she wants to me. Like her being a mom is some excuse to behave however she wants.

[@NathanPurdy-i3v]

I just recently ended my relationship with dad even as a person with Down Syndrome because I was in relationship with a dad that is a Narsist this is my very first time I am learning this

[@saumyasawleshwarkar8259]

Talking really helps! I talk to my friend and my therapist and realized none of it was because of or about me - it's not my fault! AT ALL!!! Still struggling as it's a parent but it's good to just know it's not my fault.

[@shoseikunpsychologypvt1299]

heey. Saumya.. yeah we all need to talk to someone.... the therapist is the best option. Much love xo

[@Kiki-bw3qg]

I think it’s very important to add Katie that speaking out loud about our experiences is important, but most people in our close circle might not believe us and then gaslight us. They won’t understand. This is not the version of the person they see and they can’t process our truth/the truth. This disbelief can make us question our reality and can/will open the door back up to narcissistic people.

[@drewjones1758]

Whenever I have to deal with my narcissistic ex I always make sure that it’s done through a trusted friend that was never a mutual friend. That way it puts them on the spot to behave and cooperate and removes any ability for them to direct abuse or manipulation directly at me. It also helps having the support of that friend during the interaction and provides someone to help point out when I’m being gaslit it’s manipulated.

[@shawnskifstad9074]

Thank you for the wonderful words. I’m free after 26 years. I’m embarrassed I didn’t see it. My heart covered up the abuse. But the pit in my belly told me the truth. And my belief in God showed me the truth. I’m going through all the loss of the love of my life. I miss my best friend. But I’m to strong now. Thank you again for the true words. Hope this helps someone that needs help. Bless you❤

[@haisesasaki3944]

I love this series. My mom is a narcissist 😐

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry to hear that. I hope this video and the others have been helpful :) xoxo

[@alwaysyouramanda]

🥺 don’t feel guilty for feeling the ways you do! I hope you can find joy in the process of growing your roots elsewhere.

[@haisesasaki3944]

@@alwaysyouramanda Thank you for your support. I don't miss not having a good enough mother because I do. I consider my stepmother to be my mother. She's been there for me in health and in sickness (litterally, I'm a cancer patient). The problem is that my biological mom is always in the way and I can't cut my relationship with her because if I do, she'll lash out on my siblings. I love my siblings so much. It's so complicated. But I'm sure with the right kind of therapy, it'll get better.

[@haisesasaki3944]

@M Milo Thank you for your support. My siblings are older than me but they're closer to mom than me. They lived with her more than I did so they're enabling her.

[@Plingdom]

Step 2: “grieving the loss of who you once were” speaks to me. I feel like something inside me has been broken and I miss who I was. It’s like every relationship I have has had a dark shadow cast over it and I can’t connect with anyone as deeply as I used to. I always keep walls up to prevent letting anyone close enough to hurt me. And after a few years have gone by it’s starting to feel like it will never get better

[@yabokuyui1701]

Thank you for posting this!! I was worried about this just now! I have a narcissistic parent and i'm very emotionally unstable because of it. Still watching it but thankful that it popped up today.

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! I hope it's helpful!! xoxo

[@Student-z6u]

My parent is also a narcissist!

[@yabokuyui1701]

@@KatimortonIt was, thank you so much!

[@yabokuyui1701]

@@Student-z6u I'm so sorry to hear that! Having a narcissistic parent can really mess you up. I hope you're holding up!

[@Student-z6u]

@@yabokuyui1701 It is hard...But as soon as i can i will try to distance myself from that person...I am hopeful about a better future...Thank you for being understanding my friend..💖

[@debbiekaren7058]

I’ve literally watched THOUSANDS of presentations about narcissistic abuse and healing. This is the first one I’ve watched by Katie Morton, and I can sincerely say that her manner, energy, information, breadth and depth of perspective are the most professional and best I’ve encountered.

[@marccline5475]

One of the things that bothers me the most is knowing that they just wont ever understand. Very frustrating .

[@crystinamarie1]

So true.

[@amandahayes7275]

2 1/2 years and now we’re living separate but “dating”. I feel like he changed my brain chemistry. Everything hurts so much. Why oh why do I feel every devastating thing he did to me when he’s not around or when we’re arguing, but when I’m with him and it’s good, I can look past it?? I’m so lost. I don’t understand how I can hate and love someone so much at the same time. PS just started therapy

[@rachelf1124]

I’m currently having emdr therapy for 7 years narcissistic abuse within a platonic relationship. I never heard of this kind of thing spoken about happening between friends so I didn’t believe it was happening. This really resonates with me.

[@binge5685zjsjsj]

Thank You So much I have realised that I haven't healed from I Narcissistic abuse And now I'm about to be healed in few days or weeks❤

[@jeanettecollins3188]

What about the anger? I was used, abused, and lost everything. So my anger is not just at him. It's at me! I'm so ashamed of myself!

[@Alright-o7o]

I ended relationship with narcissist about 1 year now. It was really really hard to end it. I need to run away while he was sleeping. It's overwhelimg and I still have lots of things to express but I can't express it fully to anyone. This kind of relationship was really confused me about who I am. I still think about him and all the great memories we had together I even tried to go back and again it didn't work out. I'm glad that now I'm single and I have time to heal myself fully.

[@j00nal23]

Hi Kati, thanks to your videos I realized I was actually abused by a toxic, narcissistic mother most of my life until I got old enough to move out. I'm 22 now and for the longest time I thought something was wrong with me, and I shouldn't feel the way I do, and that it's absurd that I have so much trauma from my younger years. I still struggle every day with many many problems that stem from the time I lived with her but as I've begun to understand more I've also started to slowly heal.

[@mandolaa]

Ohhh, I feel the same. Same exact situation

[@toemasmeems]

I was in an abusive relationship for five years and this was nice thank you. The mental gymnastics that she put my brain through could bend and warp in ways that made me forget who I was. I still love her but I absolutely can’t stand her, thank you for this I can’t wait for therapy.

[@statesunlocked]

Wishing you lots of healing Thomas

[@toemasmeems]

@@statesunlocked thank you!!! Been doing some life coaching online and it has helped me tremendously!!!

[@statesunlocked]

@@toemasmeems awesome, who with?

[@toemasmeems]

@@statesunlocked HealthyGamerGG, I’m sure you’ve heard of him but if not he’s amazing to me

[@user-mf4cq6xv7t]

@@toemasmeems wow, i can only imagine 🥺❣️

[@blondangel79]

The narcissist in my life was my parents. One of the things that was really hard for me but had a big impact was reparenting myself

[@ashlame7230]

The feeling where ppl who side with her wont trust you no matter how much you explain to them is the most painful thing. How easily they get out of accountability and show their happiness and joy in public, especially making others feel like they escaped our abuse. The fun fact is that those ppl who side with her are really good,kind and compassionate people

[@lynn8977]

I’ve been going to therapy recently, and I learned that my dad is a narcissist. I never thought about him being like that, but as I’ve been seeing my therapist I’ve been seeing more signs. I’ve watched two of your narcissistic personality disorders and It has helped me understand more. It is getting a bit easier to deal with him, but it still makes me more and more depressed. I just keep thinking I have no self worth and if I was gone it’d be better for everybody. My dad keeps making me agree with myself on that. Plus being 16, I can’t get away from him yet, and I have to deal with him daily. My little brother seems to have it all together, however. He can just ignore everything my dad says and it’s mind blowing! He’s never seen a therapist about this so I was astonished! But anyways sorry for the rambling. I just want to thank you for making these videos because they really are making a difference for people. 💕

[@Veronica.John10-10]

I hope you're doing better now. You brother doesn't sound like an empath, like you, or maybe he's more of a "thinker" than a feeler. I hope you know that, despite that, the abuse isn't personal. In other words - if you hadn't been born and there was another child in your place, then the abuse would be exactly the same towards them. It isn't because of you, specifically. I have found that to be helpful a little in being more objective about what's going on. God bless you, sweet soul! ((hugs))

[@captainmorgan2307]

My best friend is a narcissist. He used to be in a position of power and was respected regardless of how he treated people. We have talked for over 5000 hours in 4 years. Multiple instances he said mean things to me and I pretended like it didn't happen until one day I demanded an apology. He could not do it. He had no empathy for how I felt. In return for my simple request, he repeated the things I was asking for an apology in the first place. He will return to me like he always does but this time I will not sweep it under the rug. I will demand an apology again. I hope I am doing the right thing.

[@laurenm9224]

I’m so grateful for videos like this and KZbin. Knowledge is the best defense against a narcissist as well as healing. Being able to identify the red flags and setting boundaries is key because a narc will just move on to another easy target because it’s too exhausting to deal with someone that won’t put up with their abuse. They don’t like boundaries or people that don’t respond the way they want. Too much effort for them. It’s like they all read the same handbook as they all follow the same manipulative tactics and cycle of abuse. It’s sad that they target nice loving good natured people and unfortunately put them through absolute hell! Not knowing when you’re entangled with a narcissist and have no idea what you’re dealing with is like sleeping with your doors unlocked at night. Can’t assume everyone has your best interest at heart. One more point I want to make is that to a normal person a narcissist seems like the most complex person but in actuality they are the most basic people because once you identify they are a narc they are so easy to disarm by setting firm boundaries, gray rocking, no contact, showing little or no emotion and not falling for their love bombing. They’re emotionally stunted and never fully developed into healthy adults. Much love to anyone affected by these people. Watching videos and reading really helped me heal and understand what I needed to change about myself.

[@lainajean2643]

I’ve been on anti depressants for about 2 months now. I was feeling really good for awhile, but lately I just feel like I’ve been going downhill. I have been missing doses. I feel like I’m making decisions that aren’t good for me. I feel like I can’t talk, write, or even know how I feel. Life is progressing, but I have some loses, and some more learning to do, and i haven’t had an outlet. I feel kind of numb. I’m not too sure of what to do. Your videos have always made me feel better and not alone. I appreciate you so much . ❣️

[@user-mf4cq6xv7t]

Omg, same, but without any meds

[@ImpactTravels]

Thank you for this. Im coming out of 2 years with a Narcissist. I am feeling completely broken, but Im optimistic about the healing process.

[@HustleHabit]

How you doing now, brother?

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Nice. Prayers for you. How is it going?

[@concreterosegarden5936]

Thank you 💚 I needed to hear this. I broke no contact with my narassst mother and right away she started lying and gaslighting me. I realized now that i know what narassstic abuse is I have the power to walk away. By continuing to engage with her I was willingly hurting myself. Now I know no contact is the best option for me and I'm working on overcoming the guilt and shame she made me feel (to control me). Before I wanted justice, I wanted to be heard but now I just want PEACE

[@benjaminporter2574]

Thanks I'm still with my narcissist because she is my sister. And I am 16 she is 18 so we still live with our parents. But I have been dealing with her narcissist behaviors for 16 years. I truly am glad for all of you who broke free. I know I'm counting down the days.

[@MissMaryLu]

Kati, you have been SUCH a huge part of my recovery journey. Going back a few years now, I didn't even have a name for what was happening, or even believe what had been going on since childhood was real. i'm happy to say they are out of my life, i found a wonderful therapist, am at the end of my EMDR journey, and am exploring who i am and how to live without being ruled by fear. thank you for continuing to talk about this. it's so, so important.

[@SandeepSinghCreator]

I still remember the abuse my mother and brother put me through, but writing and discussing it with my therapist helped me immensely. Not to mention, the advice I got was very realistic and practical. Some therapists are very positive to be around.

[@RainRemnant]

Not sure how to get over this relationship after he dumped me yesterday after 4 years of marriage. I have my issues too but boy what a reality check in this video.... so many chances I gave him but he never did anything wrong, it was always me and me not letting go of that, I wonder if my feelings ever really mattered but got so bashed by words yesterday it just made me feel even smaller... and worst I did give him everything, after my mother passed away 3 years ago he was all I had in my life. Thank you "forever love", I'm lost now

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Yes 🙌 ❤stand up take a hot bath

[@micahrutland9021]

You pretty much described my last relationship.

[@brittanywilliams4174]

My narcissist was so good at acting like he deeply loved me. Didn’t take too long he changed into the opposite person I moved today. My heart is broken. I feel like I can’t trust anyone again. 😢

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Can never change em seriously no contact and get free now 🙌🙏🏽💯🙌🙏🏽💯

[@Omori_Bocchi]

My narcissistic abusive relationship ended 5 years ago and I've not spoken to them since but the trauma and scars left over from it still haunt me even today. I still don't know who I am or who I was. I still can't make contact with new people. I still blame myself for everything that went wrong. I have been stuck in the cycle for 5 years and I still wonder when I can be myself again. Instead I punish myself daily and chose to ruin my life for something that was done to me. Dont be like me, seek help as soon as you can. It only got worse for me and I dont know how to get my life back on track

[@lindawise5546]

Hoping you have counseled and are better. Hoping for you.

[@sana_capricorn]

Discover and embrace the new you ....you don't need to get back to the person u used to be after abuse the person changes and learns a lot ....so embrace the new "enlighted you "

[@THEMOCU]

This is crazy. I recently received a bunch of messages from my mom. And I've been really confused. Like "you did all those things but you don't know why i left you?!" I've been questioning my whole life!

[@neilchhibber2946]

I was psychologically abused by my cousin who is very competitive. I was never good enough for him and he always put me down while putting himself up high. I am glad I have put a no contact boundary around him. This video helped me realize what I did was supported. I struggle with guilt in putting boundaries but they are needed at times!

[@sabrina77769]

Im getting my plan set to leave him next month. Your video is the first one I’ve seen and I already feel so hopeful. I hope one day ill allow myself to be loved and be happy in a healthy relationship. Thank you 🙏

[@bluearia9133]

Thank you so much for posting this video! I grew up with an abusive older brother. who is a narcissist. After distancing myself from him, I struggled with a lot of internal problems for a long time. It's been years since then, and I like to think that I'm okay and over everything, most of the time. But recently, I find myself struggling in a lot of my relationships. I noticed that I cycle between thinking everything is okay to me feeling terrible and feeling, in a sense, that I self destruct emotionally. Then I watched your video just now, and everything you said hit close to home all too well. Thank you. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Now I have a clearer idea of what's going on inside of me.

[@itsme-yv7ep]

I just had my first session with a counselor provided by my university. Growing up with a narcissistic mother I'm starting to notice absoulute denial to my trama.

[@minimalbellesocial]

I loved this video, thank you so so much. Today, I blocked someone I love whom I’ve known for years is a narcissist. For the first time in 8 years, I blocked and deleted his number (which thankfully I don’t know by heart). His is classic narcissism. It took me a few years after we met for me to put a name to it. His behavior drove me crazy. He never apologized but always wanted me to apologize. When I was younger, I would, but I used to be confused about what exactly I was apologizing for. For instance, I’d ask him where our relationship was going and then he’d get angry at me, call me names, and ask me to apologize. He would insult me out of the blue and then when I ask why, all of a sudden he’s saying that I’m “an abuser and manipulator.” I remember the first time I encountered those words and was very confused. It was very obvious to me that he was an abuser and manipulator but I’d never said it out loud. So hearing him randomly projecting his behaviors unto me helped me confirm my suspicions. My family and friends know me as an empath and unfortunately he knew this, too. This man would reach out to me every time he was ill or sad and I would support him emotionally. After getting all the support he wanted, he would become even colder and more distant than he already was and then gaslight me when I state the obvious. Sometimes the conversations were so ridiculous. I once asked him to please show our texts to someone else for a second perspective but he never wanted to do that and would insult me for suggesting it. Every time I think I’ve moved on and I’m happy, he would slide back into my life with his nonsense. As I got much older and was able to see everything plainly, his words did not hurt as much as they did before. But the situation was still painful because I had put in so many years hoping that my kindness and grace with him would change him. But he could never see where he was wrong or admit it. Everyone else had a problem, not him. The condescension, gaslighting, manipulation, and verbal abuse - they drained me. I know I’m done for good now but I do recognize that there’s a lot of healing I need to do. I also need to grieve for the many years I hung unto the hope that he would change and we would live happily ever after. So many wasted years.

[@lisalawtonlyons]

Same exact story here. 18yrs married and I’m 53 and still at a loss for words

[@minimalbellesocial]

@@lisalawtonlyons I’m so sorry you went through this. There really should be a survivor group for partners of narcissists.

[@samwallaceart288]

My problem is I can’t identify whether or not I was abused because I have zero concept of what “normal” standard I’m comparing myself to. Half of my time on YT is spent sussing out “THIS is functional human adult.”

[@crystinamarie1]

Same.

[@ktmkenny25]

I have just recently come out of a narcissistic, long-term relationship. And the advice in the video is spot on. I would just emphasize one additional piece. For me, getting out required a community. Due to the nature of narcissistic abuse, and the gaslighting/brainwashing, I found it nearly impossible to make it out on my own. It was challenging to bring things to light as people who are not in narcissistic relationships tend to offer advice that only strengthens the power differential. Period with the right supportive community. However, I was finally able to break free. There is a online forum called out of the fog, that is exceptional. The validation I received was a key element in finding the strength to escape the abuse. Don’t give into it. It is your life, and it is worth fighting for. Get the support you need.

[@123marksalot]

My dad is a narcissistic and I recently was finally able to totally cut him out of my life. When I made the decision to do that I wasn’t sad about not having a relationship with him but rather I sad that my future kids will not have a grandfather or have someone walk me down the isle when I get married. I was sad that I would lose the “father” things that happen in life, but I realize that if I kept him in my life it would end up killing me.

[@tinanel49]

I needed to hear this because I keep thinking about the narcissist it’s been 3 months since the discard

[@jadegreen1554]

7:19 this is a step it seems easy to miss and to not engage in (it is not intrinsic or obvious and needs external guidance) this is almost like reparenting. Without this step happening successfully the patterns will repeat or people will just give up on relationships and stay alone, always untrusting of relationships. This is the a crucial step and not easy.

[@williamwigfall3357]

So amazed to hear this. It took for me to this person entertain, love bombing someone else in order for me to leave. It is more confusing than anything else. Then having to hear that they are convincing people that I was the abuser, and I am a narcissist is really hurtful. I have been in therapy for a while, and it was therapy that helped open my eyes to things. I started to journey, and I really appreciate the steps you provided. I really thought for a long time everything was my fault. I wish everyone peace and love on their journey.

[@renatatearoom3819]

I am so confused! after eight months officially single, confusion is what I feel the most, even in other type of conflicts with other type of people, I feel I cannot trust my memories anymore😔 just needed to share

[@mandolaa]

I feel the same sometimes. The gashlighting is getting dissolved and everything is cleansing, but i struggle sometimes to trust what was true and what was not. I think deep inside our soul knows the truth

[@ToeflandIelts]

Thanks,so much this has,made me,feel so good,after being cheated on physically and,emotionally abused as well as other stuff in a toxic manipulative relationship I still love him traumatised,but have broken up 5 times over the,last year . All 5 tips are superb . Thanks