What Your Dismissive Avoidant Ex Feels If You Say "I Want You Back"

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The dismissive-avoidant ex partner might react not as you might expect if you tell them you want them back. After a dismissive avoidant breakup the avoidant ex could feel a number of things if you want to reconnect. In this video we’ll explore what the avoidant partner might feel if you’re considering asking for them back.
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[@KatyaMorozova]

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[@Eg-jd9zt]

I think anyone in this situation is better off moving on. There’s a reason it ended and they can make terrible partners. Don’t settle for that

[@KatyaMorozova]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[@Eg-jd9zt]

@@KatyaMorozova thank you for your content. It’s great ❤

[@sheliasmith2884]

Amen

[@bch5758]

If they are acting cold and cruel., who are we to think ‘well, they just have problems expressing themselves - they don’t really mean it’? - feels horrible to be on receiving end

[@sheliasmith2884]

Who in there right mind would want them back I'm in no contact I was hurt so bad by this guy.the ghosting not making any effort thank God it's over.

[@SFragger100]

I feel you... 5 years, always tried to help her out whenever she was at her worst (health issues (injury and chronic pain that only worsened overtime), financial issues (helped her when she wanted to buy a place), work issues (once she changed jobs three times in a year and I paid her rent when she was unemployed plus cheering her up), study issues (getting her last exam...phew)....even when her own family got fed up and left (her own daughter, who told me "just you wait, dude"). Last year was a bad one for me. Was managing a large project that wrecked me till we met the deadlines. I used to confide in her my fears and insecurities that me and my team would meet the deadlines...only to be called a negative in her life and a deadweight, dumped and ghosted... I mean...wtf

[@Alixir1228]

Because I love him 😢.

[@tanvirhussain7355]

Basically your feeling goes out the drain. From the point you say them you want them back You are going only serve them. They can leave anytime they don't feel comfortable. And they can come back whenever they want. They expect everything is fine. And please don't expect apology. You just have to read their mind. If you even dare to ask them for apology this is just you are adding pressure on to them. Their feeling matters more than you. They are your master. And you are their slave.

[@reymariee]

Im stuck in anger after the 6th or 7th (i lost count) breakup with my dismissive avoidant ex.. mad at myself and mad at him. i truly believed him this last time around because he acknowledged how quick he shuts down and how he regrets walking away, decided he finally wanted to make it work for good. it took one disagreement and like clockwork he was out of my life again. i will not be taking him back but im so incredibly angry, i feel deceived and like i was made a fool of. im angry at myself for trusting him, but when he is not deactivated he is truly so genuine, or so it seems. please address the resentment of it all. we both apologized at the end of everything about 4 months ago but i find myself hating him

[@PB-md3nt]

you got off light on 6 or 7. My DA Ex, she broke up with me easily upwards of 30-50 times over the space of about two years. I, of course, was always the reason the breakup happened

[@robertadcox8419]

@Katya Morozova Katya, I have changed my views on the DA after ending a relationship with one recently. I do believe the attachment theory around the childhood is real and understandable to a certain degree and she displayed many of the characteristics you describe. It simply cannot be the only reason because this woman pursued me in the beginning of our relationship and then the feeling was mutual in desire for two years. It was a very good relationship that was 7 years in total length (first 5 years as good friends). I was a secure type who honestly have never been a person to read between the lines. But in hindsight I realized she was. Sometimes I would hear my own words several weeks later from her. If all DAs follow certain characteristics, then the killer of our relationship was control. I don't and never care to live a scheduled life where everyday of the week and hour has some purpose. Of course it does. This woman was obsessed with schedules and time in her life. She was not obsessed with controlling me UNLESS my time and her time clashed. Loss of control would bring out some sort of wierd anger in her. It wasn't true anger but some sort of fantasy anger. She had multiple failed marriages and relationships but after getting to know her I couldn't understand why until I noticed this control of her life so detailed. There is simply, and it breaks my heart because I loved her no way anyone could carry on a long term relationship with this person. She lived in a scheduled guarded life that she thought was perfect. I can see why anxious partners mesh with dismissive attachments but I find it hard to believe that it could really lasts unless one of both partners just settle. I don't know. What do you think? I miss her very much but there was no way to safisfy her even though the relationship was very good. How can they dismiss the reality?

[@rainbowjules]

Thanks for confirming that attachment theory is just that: a theory. I'm noticing that too many people online are now saying the avoidant and anxious types have attachment disorders. They are not disorders at all, they are attachment styles. Worryingly, these people are misinforming us and this can lead to demonisation as opposed to compassion, which is what you are all about.

[@KatyaMorozova]

I'm glad this was helpful for you to hear. I definitely think its an important reminder. : )

[@rainbowjules]

@@KatyaMorozova If possible, could you do a video on the differences between a DA and someone with a psychopathic personality disorder, please? There seem to be quite a few crossovers. Thank you x

[@Alixir1228]

I think sitting here and obsessing over semantics is a great way to avoid the actual issue. Attachment theory is 100% valid and real.

[@droflivelife]

I'm 2 months into the break up and no contact. I still think about her constantly. Even though I know it's caos with her, I can't get over her and the hurt won't go away.

[@hoozaifamorbiwala2312]

i feel you brother im in this sitautiom my self. After 4 days of breaking up with her i asked to get back.. she said we were incompatible. Then a month later i texted her and she said she hadnt changed her mind.... a week after that she writes a blog post about the relationship which she ends with "i had to always be present, always be pressured, never enough".... the usual. you already know. But i love her and want her back so im pretty fucked. In No contact currently

[@droflivelife]

@hoozaifamorbiwala2312 yeah mate if she is a DA then the best thing as impossible as it seems is give her the space like the video says. I begged her back the first time we were apart and never had the same respect again. I don't know if she will come back this time but I'm sticking to no contact. Unfortunately the pain is worse then ever.

[@LordInvictus-yt]

@@hoozaifamorbiwala2312 How's it going now?

[@Christina-Olivia]

These DA’s sound exhausting and like a waste of time

[@MrTheomighty1]

My SP and I in 4 years have been on and off 6 times and each time she’s come back to me because I agree with her decisions as to why but inside I don’t want this to happen I mean if 6 times doesn’t show her in 4 years she will never get it.

[@kathyowens890]

Wow, spot on 😳

[@KatyaMorozova]

Thanks for letting me know!

[@Alice30254]

Hi Katya ! Great video I'm wondering about what if I still live with my ex who's avoidant...it's been 2 months since the sudden breakup after an argument and he has started to talk to me about our plants and random things as if I'll be here in the future but we haven't had a talk about what we want to do. Last week he asked if I wanted to go eat at " our" restaurant but it was closed so he went and got my order from another place...but then he pulled away. I had written him a non emotion letter taking responsibility for my part in the breakup and acknowledged his efforts. I said whatever happends he'll always be important to me..this was weeks ago and he never mentioned it.

[@rainbowjules]

I'd say that the most important thing for you right now is to consider yourself before him. If you've broken up with each other and are still living together then it sounds as though you're both in a limbo situation. If you're not an avoidant yourself then it might be an idea for you to make a decision on what you want for yourself right now. You're in your own driving seat, not him. Best wishes to you. I split up with a DA a while ago and I totally understand how difficult it is, especially if there's something special there. x

[@Alice30254]

Thanks . You are definitely right ❤️🌹

[@Dogscatsbikes]

I can feel the confusion you must be going through. When you see the future with this person, don’t you see more confusion and continuing pattern of this type of behavior? Can you really do that for the rest of your life or any prolonged period of time? Don’t let him make the decision for you do it for yourself. Your self-esteem will thank you.

[@sukiarts]

To all DAs and DAs partners, how long do you/they usually take to come back after pulling away? Or even deactivating? Would you reach out to them? Or leave them alone?

[@flagirl0315]

A few months to years. It’s usually when you’re over it and have moved on. But make no mistake about it, they haven’t changed and the same pattern will play out again.

[@droflivelife]

I'm 2 months into no contact. I won't reach out, but I doubt she will for at least one or two rebounds. So probably 6 to 12 months. But they won't change.

[@zebrastripes3786]

@@droflivelifedid they reach out yet ? Also was it your first break up ?

[@theborieotero6183]

So my DA ghosted me because I asked her if we together do u want this relationship back so she just stop answering my texts calls everything. And now I’m doing no contact with her I was calling her back in November but now I’m doing no contact what are the chances of me getting back with her. ????

[@dmakepeacenotwar7114]

Year later for me and I can tell you don't hold your breath for her coming back. I've tried over and over to get her back and many no contacts, which I seem to break myself. You drive yourself crazy thinking about what you can say to get her back or at least talk and see you. If they're hurt so they play possum and act dead cold until you go away and they don't feel the stress or anxiety of you texting or calling them.