No offence, but you said a lot of nothing, Katya.

If you want MAD true LOVE , you have ro go on a rollercoaster with them . Sometimes you have to let them go on it on their own. Just be there to make them feel safe and be caring about smoothering them when they come back . Its hard but worth it .. ❤❤

Thank you, I needed to hear that!

My FA stated multiple times in our relationship that she guessed she was attracted to or attracted/always ended up with emotionally unavailable men but she hated it. I asked what she meant and if she was actually attracted to them and she said no. One of her core wounds is an extreme fear of abandonment and it hurts her when her partner never has time for her. I put that thought in my pocket though, because i realized that she stuck it out with these men for a long time. After she deactivated and discarded our relationship a few weeks ago i realized that whatvi suspected was true. She is actually ATTRACTED to emotional unavailability, whether she says she likes it or not. I think it makes her feel safe and not engulfed. When we're at a distance her attraction for me is through the roof, even now after the break up. It's weird and bizarre to me but i understand that this is how FA's are. It's the freedom to fantasize / phantom ex / no pressure of a relationship / emotional safety zone for them. But at the same time she is incredibly wounded and feels abandoned when her partner doesn't prioritize quality time. Dude, I signed up for karate classes twice a week and she had a full blown meltdown about feeling betrayed that I'd take time away from us. It is less than 3 hours a week. And I was staying at her house nearly every night of the week. But when I suggested that I join her gym or run a trail race with her she flipped out about me trying to enmesh every aspect of our lives together. I could jot win for losing. But distance is key I guess. If you're going to try to be in a relationship with an FA, you have to avoid the avoider.

My FA is crushing on her therapist. Guessing that's not helpful.

They need to have actual empathy to feel sad… I was a means to an end.. never again

My ex got more stressed at work around March. She no longer felt comfortable at her department and applied for a new position at a different one in the same company. She got it in early April, was a promotion on paper but they didn't rise her salary, she was very upset about it. Learning how to do the new position's job and adapting to her new team was stressful, they scheduled her for more hours, and it was exhausting. Started noticing her a little weird and distant in late April. I think she might have even gotten depressed since she felt in a funk. Last time I saw her was on late May. Then she started deactivating (feeling antisocial, moody and distant), she went from daily texts and/or calls to once very 3 days, then 5 days and by mid-June she apologized for that. The first half of June she invited me to come over a couple of times but changed plans because felt tired or stressed or had to do work stuff at home, then she will reschedule and do the same next time. On June 15th I asked if she needed space and she said yes, she expressed doubts of staying together and I said would give her all the time and space to focus on her priorities. We still texted every 2-3 days until June 27th. On the 23rd she expressed lack of energy for even the bare minimum, said she would call me on the 27th but didn't do it then silence until July 1st when she complained of feeling moody and weird, then on July 4th asked me how my day was and silence until July 12th when I called her to check on her and she broke up due to wanting to shut down and having lost interest in the relationship. It crushed my soul, I could have done better in giving her space and should have done no contact but really didn't want to lose her, were together for 15 months, never bonded and connected with somebody as such deep level but in the end failed to understand her. Went for no contact now (she didn't block me) but I am afraid I won't get her back ever and she was also my best friend which hurts the most. I was very attached to her and her family. She was the one I wanted to settle down with, to grow old and share life. Is there any hope of at least being friends with her in the future?

We’re both musicians. We were in the same band…..he plays guitar and sings. I’m a singer. We developed a deep connection this way…..

Avoid them... trust me when there away from you there out there sewing there seeds with others. Do you really want them back? Also they are practically a narcissist the behavior is the same as one except the intention of those behaviours is different. But at the end of the day does it matter if there intent is different from the narcissist the end result is the same an unhealthy, toxic one sided relationship. Be greatful your out now get on with your life and find a healthy happy reciprocal relationship peeps

I think they dosent care they continue their life

Best video I've yet seen on this topic

Maybe I should create a dating app exclusively for anxious attached.

I did not ask my ex for anything he avoided me alone After breakup he did not go to non contact period!!!he asked to be friends he txt everyday vague conversation

Avoiding temper tantrums from perceived slights. Just my experience. ❤

HEY I like your content its really helpful but you can improve for content by getting good video editor contact me if interested

Just here for all the anxious attachment hater comments…

Question on Caretaking System, can they activate this to take care of themselves?

Hmm, so #3 happened the first time we broke up, but she came back. Now we're on the breakup and it's a combination of #2 and #3. No clue of she's coming back, but I'll probably be moved on if she ever does.

Ex avoidant did not go to non contact phase! Everyday he is the one who txt me talking about his daily routine He tell me that i am his bestie forever!

What if you only want to be "Just good friends"?

It reminds me of me, except I do want commitment and struggle to get partners I choose to be with me.

It hurts to hear people say them leaving for someone else isn’t as common when that seems to be every avoidant I’ve attracted. I understand that I’m attracting them and choosing them when their red flags are waving but some hide it so well. One was with me for years before he just deactivated and monkey branched. What about me encourages this level of disrespect?

Fearful...but maybe a bit of both.

She acted super cold when i was trying to build a connection with her and i asked her why she wasn’t giving any affection at all and why she was treating me badly and she said i gave her the ick. We were going put for a month and it started out perfect and it went downhill after the second week to no affection at all and me just putting up with her distant crap. To this day, she still hasn’t confessed her feelings to me and she practically just ghosted me…. Been 1 week NO CONTACT she hasn’t reached out but she looks at my stories right away. She made a post on instagram the other day and i didn’t like it and she thought i was going to like it and a day after, she archived it🤣 do these avoidants typically come back if we only went out for a month?

I blocked my ex after I broke up with her and she admitted to lying and cheating during our relationship even after lying and gaslighting me the entire relationship and preying on my insecurities. She really sh!t on me. She told all our friends the messed up things she was doing in our relationship. I still tried to look past that. But in the end blocking her was best because she would always find a way to sweep my boundaries under the rug. I blocked to heal myself. Honestly. I will admit I can be impulsive in relationships, but I gave her a lot of rope to overcompensate for my attachment style and I should’ve just listened to my gut from the jump. I battle with if it was the right move sometimes, but again I stand firm on my decision knowing I did it not to hurt her, but to heal myself and self worth.

Holy crap. This is on point about my ex...

Sky net people, am I right? ☕️🤖 I told my DA ex gf off in the purest way. I told her exactly what she is & how she treated me, demanding accountability from me yet never taking any herself of how she treated me. Never forgot her reaction as i was consoling her mother after her stepfather died, the mothers husband...she said "come on children, the bus is ready, well someone has to be the adult here, good you're here michael, so you can be the warm one". Robot...

I have been told by an avoidant I used to love "how come ur so special as a person but u don't live a special life?" After the breakup she said i am not a father fjgure or leader Still she didn't give one example of what event made her feel that way, she never told me this and we were together in a off and on way for 2 years. Our last relationship lasted 3 months

DA stands for "Definitely Avoid". These people are not worth your time and will continually hurt you, sometimes just for their amusement. It's soul draining in a way you can't imagine. They're very toxic as partners.

No contact since 2020. Divorced in 2022. I've only reached out on occasions regarding the kids & she's ignored me so now she's alienated them from me & I haven't seen them kids since Christmas 2020. Got her blocked her on every platform. Now she's posting videos of our kids on her youtube page (which she's never done) 😅 Blocked (again) 😅 Peace tf out I don't have time for the bs

Probably one of the most accurate videos of 2024 in regards to this topic. Great job!

I don't care about avoiding. I don't care about anxious. I care about whether a person treats others well or as refuse. And if it's the latter, there is no excuse, no "disorder" that justifies it. Yesterday I was missing her. And the thought came "But don't you hate liars?" Why yes, I do. "So why would you want a liar back in your life?" Right, I don't. And then everything felt alright again.

Yesterday I had her say to me "Perhaps I'm too toxic for you" it was a completely random statement while we were discussing some issues.

It is not a strength its a persona and very flimsy.

This all seem like excuses for bad behaviour as an adult.

This has described me(anxious) and my wife(dismissive avoidant) so well. Idk, I can’t explain in detail because we had so much unresolved trauma that led up to her leaving me, but we still talk and it’s so hard because I’m realizing that she’s always going to be letting me down because I’m putting expectations on her that she clearly said she will not fulfill. It’s hard tho because I’ve had her on a pedestal for years, just seeing her as so resilient, but now I’m understanding it was not resilience and that was unfair of me to put her in that role.

She said......."im sorry. Im so sorry. Im not good for you" also, "i think i was taking out all my problems on you" then, she ghosted me. Said zero. Just disappeared. Going on 6 months no contact. Its broken me and all im left with are questions. Makes it really difficult to heal or move on for me

7 months later and I still don’t know WTF happened

Thank you for your video! I would like to learn to see the red flags for this kind of profile early enough a bigger damage happens. I’ve suffered a lot and after so many years I’m still looking for the answers. For me it was an emotional abuse and for my brain it’s still difficult to process all of this. I think I need some help for deprogramming. .

Was married to him for 13 years and he just left with no explanation, total silence for 3 months, he moved in with his girlfriend before our divorce was finalized. I was/still am devastated, I’ve been educating myself on what happened to me and his behavior. He STILL behaves this way, having adult conversations with him is very difficult especially since we have children together, dealing with him is mentally and emotionally draining bc he says he cares but shows no action at all. I can’t wait to move away from that part of my life, heal and be happy again. Also, he “maintains” a relationship with his girlfriend I guess.

My avoidant gf run away to work on a ship 24/6 and take care of her relatives one day in a week.

I’ve listened to over 100 of these in the last 3 months. This will be.. the last one I listen to.. because it it 💯 perfectly correct .. I can now move on. 143 ( I love you)

Why are all these videos always assuming the DA ended the relationship ..

My ex cheated on me and monkeybranched into a new relationship after I caught her. Definitely a split between attachment and sexuality.

My ex 100% has become overly active. It’s very interesting

I was dumped out of the blue. 48 hours before, she was telling me I was THE BEST and she was glad that my ex girlfriends were horrible, because now we have found each other. THEN.... One of her oldest friends died and I was dumped....by text! The only explanation given was, " I've lost the romantic vibe"... WHAT!!?.....IN 48hrs!!? I've been ignored since and now I'm blocked. (I mayve texted more than a few times before being blocked, but being a nice guy, I was just asking how she was doing as I know she took the death of her friend,hard.)

She's fucking other men

considering last sexual reason, will they reactivate? how likely is it that they come back later to a partner they were deeply attached to?

It's called break up for a reason, afterwards it's done, that's it and life goes on. Stop obsessing about what the ex does or doesn't do and move on. We have alot of stalkers among us it seems, constantly obsessing about former partners.

I was just dumped by a DA. This describes her actions perfectly.