When a narcissist hoover is unsuccessful

[@cherrybacon3319]

When a hoover is unsuccessful, you've won. 🍒

[@Red-Iceberg]

I heard about being hovered and dude actually gave my girlfriend money to give to me. She knew I was gone... a few months later when we talked she told me. I Responded by telling her to take the money and GO buy herself something nice. I felt really good. I got me back.❤❤❤

[@lizacampbell2183]

Apologies for off topic, but cherrybacon mmmm 😊 love the name. Love sweet bacon lol

[@irielion3748]

I disgarded a narc - I won.

[@marleneg7794]

YESSS!

[@moniquebode1655]

What's a hoover??

[@elderjonathanwhite6633]

It’s was never about love, always about controlling you

[@doloresdercole381]

That's a hard pill to swallow

[@Peacealways247]

Then they need a pet, not a human.

[@luv2fly745]

@@Peacealways247 Going by your user name..let me guess..you consider humans superior to our fellow animals. Neither 2 legged or 4+ legged animals deserve to be abused by a narcissist!

[@Tasha.b89]

@@Peacealways247 narcissists often abuse animals. My dad was a narc and he actually killed a lot of cats. I reported him to the RSPCA after I escaped and now he isn't allowed to have cats anymore, thank God

[@JuniorWitter-vz4mh]

​@@Tasha.b89 reminds me of my dad. I hated having pets because of him...

[@LoveEndures7]

Hardest fight of my life, fighting for my soul.. but it is the most beautiful healing journey, and to also discover the strength inside of yourself ❤

[@Alaska-me5jc]

Praying for you ❤

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Access denied

[@michaeloneill5877]

Love it !!

[@sleeperno1215]

Update. After three years of the silent treatment, my inlaws suddenly started speaking to me as if nothing happened. They literally expected me to just pick up with the relationship as if nothing happened. I refused to speak to them and walked away. F-ck them.

[@realhet]

No contact vs. silent treatment 1:0

[@sleeperno1215]

As I predicted, my wife told me that my sister in law told my good sister in law that “she tried to reach out to me but I was the one who was being unreasonable.” Gaslighting, triangulation and blame shifting literally rolled up into one sentence. She is quite the pro, isn’t she?

[@realhet]

@@sleeperno1215 It's a fully automatic, robotic behavior: Before the hoover attempt, your internal image in the narcissist's mind turned into a good object. She started to idealize you, that's why so she started a hoover. After the hoover failed, she was in cognitive dissonance: she thought you was 'good' but you acted 'bad' towards her. Even by doing nothing. To solve this, the narcissist just simply flip your internal image in her mind: you become a bad object, an enemy, and from now on, you will tell this to people, not because she lies, because it's the reality she perceives. In David Attenborough's voice: Marvellous creatures :D My past contractor/boss from 15 years ago (there was a bad paying situation back then, I never forget), just tried to contact me in an email I was not blocked. The exact same amnesia thing. They have to try, they can never know if our memory is failing us or not, haha. If I had that amnesia too, they win: they can restart the cycle, if not, then nothing happens.

[@soulawakening622]

I am sailing through same boat. I need to stay strong with no contact as my husband and kids still are talking to them.

[@Girlwithapurse03]

My mom does this after verbal abuse.. she's probably a narc

[@mollieespy704]

It sounds awfully lonely being a narcissist.

[@RawMotivations]

Facts

[@mollieespy704]

@@NM-ru2qj That’s so true! It makes me exhausted just thinking about all the time and energy they put into trying to destroy you. I have better things to do with my life! Like being genuinely happy perhaps lol.

[@eternalriver7866]

@@mollieespy704Amein

[@emmarae4322]

They always have supply.😂

[@simonschneider5913]

@@emmarae4322 that does not make anything better. its sad, not funny at all. narcs are people that broke. nobody does this to themselves on their own. its stupid to look down on them.

[@Lifeofluxury14]

If they come back don't open the door .

[@Peacealways247]

Many have sacrificed our time, love and care for these horrible people.

[@mifmif5572]

here is one...still drowning but I am loveless now. Meaning they took it all out of me, now I give them the crumbs they turned me into ...what worked for me, was, is, other than hearing videos like this one, was to start Reiki shorts and get deeply hypnotized delivered to the point of driving them mad with my absent presence. I 'm here but I am elsewhere. They need your presence and attention. You stop leasing attention, you start the disengagement.....The difficult part is to turn off that switch. You have to be fast, steady, ruthless, perseverant. And you have to bring yourself to a deep self convinction that turning away IS IT!!! To do that, you have to remember yourself, which is what they worked so hard to make you forget!!!! This man is right: it has to be approached like a detanglement from addiction, food, everything. I am deep under water. 11 years. Now, I don t care. I took away the fun, I took away the dialogue, I took away the money, I made it a point to forget Xmas, holidays, birthdays, etc And I feed them the same food they fed me....Guess what?? Scratching the door, begging for a let me in....Ah Aaah....Neh Neh. I am always busy. If I let them in, they must wash my tub, do my floors or fix some issue with the sink.... They have to cook. I only have Ramen soup and green aloha sprouts...no more hand made pizza, no more cherry cream pie whipped and toppled..... I sit on the couch and call a long list of handsome men ( only men) while they wash my floor. And if they don't like it, that is the door.....On top of that, My female neighbour, who also was scarred by narci behaviour in her life, agreed to add the vanilla cream to the root beer: so, at some point, she shows up by her garden fence next door, in beach bikini home relax, and teases them all around....and when they go have a little Vitamin D with them on the lounge...she gets her whip out.....You can call us the Narcissist Worst Nightmare..... Oh, by the way..... did I mention how many times I was doirmatted, abused, battered, hit, shamed, downed to other women, money peeled, used, dream-annihilated, laughed at, defeated and turned into a crying pan??? Well....EVERY HUMAN BEING deserves RESPECTFUL INTERACTION AND SINCERE LOVE. And this is my motto. In each person that suffers by narci abuse, there is the seed of a hero that can change the world by enacting the behaviour opposite and contrary to that received by the abuser. It's all life learning curve. You always have the upper hand. They just work at making you forget that.....REMEMBER, REMEMBER, REMEMBER. Happiness, Health and High Soaring

[@Cinnamon.Apples7]

And health

[@hindwidad2723]

My narcs hoover failed. He used a crisis hoover and got no response from me because I was just done.

[@ItsSoarTime]

UNH!!!!!! "...because i was just done!" I HEAR THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@FlickYoli-o9x]

“Crisis Hoover.” 🤔 mine tried to go for the hug at a family burial after treating me like absolute 💩. I imagine it was extremely embarrassing when I calmly and quietly physically turned my back on him the way he has turned his back on me in every way. Three or four times!!! 😂 he kept trying!!!

[@hindwidad2723]

@@FlickYoli-o9x good for you! They think they can treat us however and we will just always be there. Nope. Get someone else to do it 😅

[@FlickYoli-o9x]

@@hindwidad2723 thank you 🙏😂

[@mathews0618]

They give up and resent you

[@HeReignsJohn3-16]

Time is not an apology ❤️

[@Woofwoofmeowmrow]

Wow, well said 😮

[@HeReignsJohn3-16]

@@Woofwoofmeowmrow it’s not my saying - I had to hear it for it to sink in. Its a good one to keep in mind when dealing with hoover attempts x

[@Woofwoofmeowmrow]

@@HeReignsJohn3-16 Absolutely! Thanks for sharing :)

[@eboneep6354]

My husband wants a legal separation instead of a divorce 🙃 So he can hoover and be able to say I'm his wife...Controlling

[@susanleonard1621]

I just read a quote that says, once you carry your own water, you learn the value of every drop. Living with a narcissist, you sometimes forget about you. When we become aware that we matter and focus on ourselves, we have succeeded.

[@sbeautiful6133]

1000% the truth

[@Cellia836]

They want something for themselves, but that’s not the case here. Most them just Hoover you for a booty call most of time. Once they hit it, they quit it too. Then they leave and rip out your heart, when they leave too. It’s better to block them everywhere and put up walls to protect yourself and your heart from them.

[@Crackrocksteady]

I booty called my ex just so she'd cheat on her new lover like she did me 😅🤣

[@traceybiles2061]

Well tbh he probably boots. Called other sources as well...they go to the toy box and see which toys batteries are not dead.

[@Cellia836]

@@traceybiles2061 well they certainly burn those batteries down really fast that’s for sure! Dealing with mine was exhausting. I bet his mind races 24/7 and that’s pretty exhausting I’m sure. Always having to raise, wash and repeat has to be a pain in the ass too. I would hate to have go through all the time too.

[@misssincere5762]

They do that cause, they get supply off your pain & begging them on why you were just a booty call!

[@homespace1268]

After the booty call they are onto the next supply the very next night. You have to act fast because if you set a date with them they won't wait...they'll cancel it for someone else... it's insane.

[@thenorthface4]

When I left my husband after he cheated on me and abused me, I felt an immense amount of guilt. That’s starting to go away and I got focused on myself, my career, healing and my happiness.

[@NMTDelightfulMusic]

They are mentally ill, listen to Sam Vaknin videos...

[@lorrainefrasier4096]

I know it's not easy but please try to not feel guilty. You did nothing wrong and nothing you could ever do would be enough. You deserve better You deserve peace and to be appreciated.

[@sisid6295]

am sorry it happen to you..

[@denisegladden-peters4435]

Good for you!!👏🏾💪🏾💯

[@mrtoolshed5418]

It's always easier after a bad narcissist situation. Promise. Keep watching videos though, definitely gave me a lot of closure. It took me a long time to truly find closure but hopefully after the past 8 months you've gained that. Tbh I'm here because I just learned about hoovering after realizing that this is what this new chick was doing. Super easy to cut people out that act like this and you'll spot those toxic traits right away next time. I promise, after finding closure through something like you went through, other narcs will be lightwork. I usually judge them on a scale of 1-10 😂 like dang this one's a dud. If you're gonna play games atleast get good at them. 😂 and what you'll realize is a lot of narcissists aren't actually "smart". They simply had bad intentions for you while you had good and tried to compromise or take blame for things that weren't even your fault. That's how they stay one step ahead of you. Kind of like always having an uno reverse card. It's cheating lol. Anyways best of luck to you, really hope you're happy now. And hope to God you didn't let them back in. 🙏

[@laurakelly1718]

I clearly remember him turning to me and he said "I can't read you anymore".... YES! my reply? "what are you taking about?" he said... nothing and walked away. my first big step in gaining my freedom.

[@RawMotivations]

Great job!

[@lastthingsministry]

They never open up because they have nothing inside only a false self that they project out. They have porcelain personalities and no strength at all. They want us to vomit out all our weaknesses and secrets so they can use to smear us and gossip later. They hound us for details whilst holding all their cards close to their chest. Ignoring the hoover is winning as they think you are playing the same game they are but winning it. They were counting on the trauma bond and co-dependency to draw you back in. They still think you will be a people pleaser and let them walk all over you again. Saying no by saying silent makes them feel vulnerable and wounds them. Their core wound was about being ignored and feeling insignificant so the silent treatment wounds them at the core wound. This can cause an injury which translates as rage. Stay silent even at this part. They are actually making themselves more and more vulnerable by revealing how desperate for supply they are. They are spilling their guts in front of you by showing how much if a supply junkie they really are. The more they spill their guts and the more you stay silent, the more disregulated they become. If you get through all this, the shame they feel is immense and they may back off completely as they realise that you are no longer a source of supply. That is the main thing with narcissists, once you are no longer supply then they will have no use for you. The main lesson to give them is that you will never be supply to them ever again.

[@Sublimebutterflyy]

Once you know, you go! Don’t doubt what they showed you. They lie to themselves trying to rehoover. They are exactly what they showed you.

[@TurinTurumba]

I rejected my ex's Hoover, but I still miss and love the masked version I fell for, it's been 5 months and its still hard to reconcile

[@lauradelregno99]

❤

[@belwillcoily6407]

I TOTALLY get and relate to this. Stay strong though! ❤

[@softestrebel]

I feel the exact same and been no contact for 3 months.. sending love

[@mato_fato_ma-ah-fala-falafel]

@@softestrebelif u love something let it go if it comes back it’s yours ❤

[@HeReignsJohn3-16]

It gets sooo much better I promise! It took a while but you will forget them for a day then a week then a month and then you are free - I just had a hoover text tonight after 3 years. My heart didn’t even skip a beat - im free

[@peterlearner8594]

This is rather good. "They are no longer important, you are more important"

[@figgie7799]

Whether you discard them or they discard you [You win] Many aren't able to have closure in situations like this. When you go in for the truth to be able to see through their lies. A Hoover is not a compliment, so if you're out of it and you're fortunate to have closure? LEAVE THE DOORS SHUT DON'T LEAVE ONE CRACK. No contact, save your energy. These people not only cause a severe energy drain with mental and emotiinal pain not to mention physical. They never change and will remain in their own movie and if you go back to their playbook you'll be the star in their movie plot [a mere prop] Stand firm on the no contact Because things begin to get better. You have nothing with them🎯They only have a fake image with rep to maintain. Depart from me for I never knew your name✉You lose nothing losing one is a gain🧺I see them for what they are, nothing.

[@cameogutierrez3466]

💯🎯♥️

[@davidsalo8397]

Very well said. The narcissist's biggest fear is that you will see through them. They will say anything to get you to question yourself and believe their lies. This is now happening on the political stage. This is causing the collapse of America. I'm not sure how this will turn out. But change can only happen one person at a time.

[@BR9900-w5l]

He keeps ringing my phone which he's blocked on and creates fake Facebook accounts. It's so creepy like he's just letting me know he's still around. The more he does this the more I get turned off this clown. I just wish he'd go away.

[@homespace1268]

Going through the same thing!

[@empressb444]

Can you change your number? If you have proof of your call log you can also get a no contact order against him through the court. Have the police call and warn him of harassment charges as well

[@pepe_da_prawn]

I think the other issue is that the victims loyalty which is an admirable asset in a person is also used against them.

[@tyangcovers4658]

Yea 😢

[@HeReignsJohn3-16]

Very true and It’s good to know this is a vulnerable point in us that got us into these relationships in the first place. I am very aware of this and so I can objectively say - “no one cared for me when I was broken and I survived and so will they without me “- seeing as they’ve done pretty well for last 3 years of no contact - and sent a text out of the blue tonight which is why I am here to remind myself

[@tiffymoore]

After 20+ yrs I finally left my exnarc. He refuses to pay child support. I Ended up getting an order of protection because of threats and stalking. He's broken out my truck windows 3x. It's still worth it! I didn't realize he was the main source of my anxiety until he left and I permanently shut the door behind him.

[@Crackrocksteady]

I got mine to pay because I caught her in an affair and told her I would go after alimony because I was a stay at home dad. She talked to someone and came back and was like okay i think she got told give him want he wants because it's not greedy but if it goes to court you'll be looking at much more because she came back so willing

[@Alaska-me5jc]

Run....move and ask for a court order if you have kids to relocate.

[@urbanangst7630]

As bad as the narcissist makes you feel is nowhere near as bad as they feel themselves.

[@desertangelfish140]

He showed up with flowers and a card asking to remain friends because he still really likes me. He got sent home with the flowers and card. Also, he was told he brought no value to my life and a friendship doesn't make sense. And, he is blocked on my phone. He was encouraged to focus on his female "friend" he was juggling me with the entire time I knew him. He once told me she was more dependable etc. and she accepts him warts and all. They seem to have a better connection and understanding if each other than we did. My Peace is priceless.

[@sarahcook908]

Oh man he already had someone else ready.

[@Thingsgottogetbetter]

Narcs have groomed good people. The lies we believed were well orchestrated and powerful, honed over a lifetime of practice. It's not a flaw in targets so much, its a decent reaction to mental torture. That's why yes hope, yes believing others... all very positive emotions, except against an evil such as this 😢

[@resilient8788]

Thanks for the confirmation. I'll never get that hoover. Forgiveness is for me to move forward, but one can't ever unremember, undue or unhear all the horrendous things done. I could never trust him again. If his lips are moving, he's lying.

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Consider yourself blessed to not be hoovered. He is doing you the best favor. Freedom is a great thing. Live your life and be happy.

[@amazoniablue7572]

Thats exactly what I am thinking aswell. This mf is lying even when he doesnt say a word.

[@lindadebenedetti5710]

In the last 4 yrs. he has came back to me at least 10 times. They pretend to be someone they are not. I was so messed up head wise and I am still healing from it. It feels like a permanent damage. He would say he was sorry and I believed it. He was trying to have a image with me to make himself look good but it would backfire on him because he starts showing his anger in front of others and would make a fool out of himself and made himself look bad. So many people can't stand him.

[@Badjujucrew]

Sometimes when you talk about this in such a matter of fact way, it breaks my heart.. “That just don’t care about you.” Damn.

[@Keith_Mikell]

I did the same. I put those lies on them. And I believed them. People don’t realize the mental anguish.

[@enoshore2488]

Pay close attention to everything and respond to what you see, not what you thought or wanted to be true. This works with everything in life including narcissists.

[@nadiasultana4979]

No matter if they hoover or not, they never cared. Every time u go back you will end up worse . I went back 8 times, last time was beyond tolerance, they will cheat you n will not even try to hide anymore, If u ask why they cheating they will reply it's my life and she is better than you etc. I even tolerated that n then he discard me. I left 3 months ago finally done. N now he is hoovering again. And im totally ignoring him and he is getting mad n hoovering more.But now I know if I go back this time I will end up in hospital. So it's upto u n ur tolerance level how many times u go back, there will b a rock bottom when u will be done.

[@RawMotivations]

We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.

[@TuxieTude]

Eighteen years and no hoover!

[@RoxieParadox]

My ex just tried to add me on discord. When I saw it my heart dropped into my stomach and out my ass 🤣 been a year or two since we last spoke... I havent accepted the request. Instead I got on here to help the overwelming anxiety that I got from this. This video helped, so I thank you. 🙏

[@RawMotivations]

We're here to support your healing journey. Learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to to check what resources would work for you www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@kalifornia4745]

This is so true, Ben. When I was able to say no to the hoover, I felt so proud of myself. And don’t get me wrong. I love her and it was not easy. But I had someone say to me when she wanted to meet up, “Which choice would show yourself the most self-love? Meeting with her? Or telling her no thank you?” And I knew what to do. Thank you!

[@rch1jr]

I honestly believe my ex narc finds platforms like this to become a better narc

[@prietagarcia1155]

A lot of them do.

[@rch1jr]

@@prietagarcia1155 I mean better at becoming EVIL

[@prietagarcia1155]

@@rch1jr Exactly

[@misssincere5762]

They do, but it’s only but so far they can go. They’ll manifest eventually.

[@Peakokfethr]

I just got called a narcissist today by my narc. So yeah, they do

[@wendydaniel1110]

Narcissist natrually think everyone is hooverable and is waiting for their call... NOT. Some of us easily see who they are leaving them on ice.. Move on, they are heartless and want power and control. Stand in your power, respect and dignity. Not negotiable ❤

[@RawMotivations]

We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.

[@davidcoxinparis]

The cost of hope is too dear. We can't waste it on a futile situation.

[@RawMotivations]

Very true.

[@diamondonpurpose9145]

My ex hasn't hoovered. It won't work anyway. She knows I can and will expose her.

[@princessmandy1757]

I asked Jesus to set me free from the soul tie...the trauma bond .. to take it all away... I felt better but still hurt then i asked him to expedite my healing to two years from that point and within 2 days i began to feel nothing towards him. God is sooooo good. He loves us and doesnt want us hurting like this nor being toyed with by the devil.

[@sundown2221]

God Jesus helped me too❤

[@HeReignsJohn3-16]

I prayed tonight when I got a text after 3 years - I feel protected

[@dennishortonii2139]

You are CORRECT about no-contact getting worse before it gets better.....went no -contact and she smashed the windows in my truck....3 months further and she tried to hoover me the other day....im happier in my life now without that demon....it was worth the glass...

[@anitaaustralia]

"It was worth the glass". 😂 that made me laugh. I completely hear you

[@terriwhalen3618]

This is TRUTH! Thank you Ben. If the narcissist doesn't succeed, it will get worse depending on what type of relationship. I have seen numerous times when they didn't succeed, it became a challenge to them and a determination tp win! They will try to ruin your reputation, job, financial stability, turn children against you, your boss, nothing is off limits once they become obsessed! However don't give in. They will eventually stop amd please keep yourself and family safe. Block every avenue possible. And if you find you miss them which is normal, or you are lonely, whatever, get with folks who understand narcissist behaviors, love you for who you are, get a support group, learn everything you can about narcissist behaviors. You can't fix a hole in a wall if you can't see it. This is one subject that needs to be learned and healed from. 🙏

[@caroleminke6116]

He tried! First it was an email that got thru the block 🤷‍♀️ calling me gorgeous & wanting to meet for a meal! Then another saying he loved me… he left me! Then an accusation about me haunting him but I wasn’t replying! Finally angry over loss of control 🤦‍♀️ power game meant to punish you for not buying the nonsense that they spew

[@amazoniablue7572]

Mine did the same after he left me. But he also said I forced him to leave me. Well why is he back then if I forced him. He didnt mean what he said well he never really apologized. Everytime he tried he said ”I apologize I didnt mean for it to hurt you but you forced me with your actions” And the way he said ”I apologize..” was by looking down on the floor. Never really meant it, if I would accuse him now of never being sorry for what he put me through he would say determined as F, he did say he was sorry and apologized. He doesnt know the meaning of a sincere apology. Its too late anyway I dont want one now. He did punish me and I as I think now suffer from borderline, so I made a psychopatic exit from this relationship which led to him hitting me and it escalated. I havent responded a word to his bs, and its clearly a punishment, cause he goes from love bombing me to hating me to love bombing me and hating me.

[@jasjas8232]

it's funny how when a guy is narcissistic. I can usually tell right away. But when a woman is, I will be fooled for years.

[@loribehr5967]

Hi Ben. I just want you to know that after being in a narcissist marriage for decades and escaping, I truly respect what you're doing here. I find it very helpful. Thank you. Peace and love ❤

[@jessicakelly3980]

I will not let him gaslight me about something horrible he did to me , he literally tried for 3 months, then he put a fake restraining order on me , smear campaign , then a month went by , he called and still tried to gaslight me about what he did , .it didn't work , so I guess I'm at that point

[@empressb444]

Change your number, he pops up at your job or home call the cops immediately then go to the court and get a restraining order

[@prateekpal1707]

all I want is to take revenge from the narcissist............ treat him exactly the way he treated me

[@mrnice7570]

But that would bring you down to their sewer level

[@marshastephenson2337]

You are the only ex-narcissist’s channel I listen. The immense pain and damage done from the relationship I was in with a narcissist let me hate narcissists so much that I don’t want to hear from them- although reformed.

[@loribehr5967]

The. Longer I'm away from him, the more obvious the hovering is. I see how ridiculous the things that he says are. Around Christmas he asked me out for lunch with him. Told him no, that I didn't need to go out for lunch. Thankfully I haven't heard from him since. I hope he finally got the message. Not interested in the least.

[@tickety-bootoyou1850]

Positive Projection is real.

[@Yathome00]

14 years and counting! Sometimes I want to respond just t tell him off but I know THAT is also fuel, negative supply but supply nonetheless 🙄🙄

[@cherankimiorak1739]

When mine hovered after I went no contact he tried to play “nice guy”… from Valentine’s Day texts to “gifts”.…Trying to change my mind when I saw who he really is and that is a complete narc. A leopard can’t change its spots..

[@AnotherNPC1234]

2:33 you should feel lucky if you didn't get hoovered instead of FOMO. Most of us struggle to get rid of them from our life.

[@craiggertheeunknown]

Thank You for this, I've won and I couldn't be more of myself than I can be.

[@Texabella.lm51yrsold]

And this gaslighting to cover one's tracks is where narcissists and sociopaths behave differently. Narcissist cannot bear to be accountable, most sociopaths I have dealt with honestly don't give a damn about societal standards and unabashedly & cheerfully discuss their adventures. Except covert socios next door, that's a whole different horror.

[@Emalbertx]

Love knowing I’ve won .. 5 days out .. got the Hoover “apology” txt .. ignored.

[@RawMotivations]

That is great! Let’s make sure it is permanent ! Https://www.rawmotivations.com/survivor

[@scarlettmasin1204]

I left the town I lived in with him after he said he’s perfectly fine with never seeing me again. Then he called me from 2 different numbers. I stupidly responded when he asked me how I was then tried to gain back power by bragging about his new apartment and disappeared when I responded. I fell into the trap and blew up his phone and he discarded me again. Nearly a month ago he asked me how I was after discarding me and I still haven’t responded. I used to always respond to him even if I was ignoring him..I’d respond within like 3-4 days. He was used to that so he thinks he can just come in and out as he pleases. Not anymore.

[@TriniStarr3527]

I confirm they come back. One of my ex narcs came back 29 years after our relation!! 😮😮 He was my first love. He started hoovering me from Peru where I used to live. And then flew to Switzerland where I live since a long time. Only when he came back and we started a relation again did I realize he as well was a narcissist! I had idealized him for sooooo long.

[@AugustusTiberius-tq1gw]

Closed and out of Business. Hoover elsewhere.

[@sheilamelchiorre9706]

Excellent video Ben. It’s a hard pill to swallow & I struggle every single day but this video really makes sense. The book is next on my list

[@RawMotivations]

Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones

[@maithaalkaabi5961]

True, he was spending a lot of money to take care of me while I was studying at the University, after discarding me for the new supply then he stopped because I exposed him to his family 😂..he was scared to reach his new supply .. and for me I don’t care ..it has been 6 months with me being no contact and him blocking me.. just exposed them to their parents.. and it works because you are dealing with kids not adults

[@Peacealways247]

Yep, they DO NOT like to be exposed! I did the same and oh he was mad🤣, I didn't care. He's told so many lies he can't tell the difference between a lie and the truth. He's lied even to himself. SMH!

[@joeycooper6223]

I needed this

[@RawMotivations]

Wishing you all the strength and support you need to heal and thrive

[@BossBravo]

Always about control

[@AYKAY88]

Narcs never love anyone

[@karlaskingsley3300]

Wow, I needed this today. Thank you.

[@morganadavies8319]

My ex husband has revved up his hoovering since I have started the process of selling our shared house that him and his new supply are living in. Apparently he understands how he treated me and I am the love of his life. It's actually become very interesting looking at his tactics from a view outside of the marriage 🧐🤔

[@ragingphoinix9144]

Oh no, not you out here, moving on and cutting off his lifelines😅😅😅😅. Hope you take him for anything he's worth.

[@isobelle.London]

You believe a lie - that’s is so true . Positive projection . THIS IS VERY HEALING

[@Peacealways247]

All I know is the last hoover I received was on his bday last year. He used a fake # (which included 3-6s) saying he hoped I had a good holiday, when I realized who it was, he went in ranting. First of all, you're now HAPPILY Married so why do you have any of my phone #'s? That means you're still holding on to them. A normal person would've removed their x)ex #'s out their phone. Well, if he did hoover this year, I no longer have that phone nor the # so, no need to hoover. I wish he did look like hoovering me. It would be his last.

[@M-mm1rb]

Why do I feel like we know the same person.. (down to the #) they’re all so similar. Insanity.

[@phil692]

You sir, are telling the truth.

[@psource2305]

The narc in my life tried to recontact me 15 years after last contact.

[@Prometheuspredator]

When you remain no contact and do not allow the hoover how does the narcissist treat their flying monkeys, family members, friends, enablers, coworkers, boss, and affair partners?

[@megannavarro8047]

That's what I would like to know too.

[@julianmyers4043]

All that rage and drama has to go with someone else. Your free they can’t stand being nice and friendly for to long it’s not them so the give it to anther person, you’re not the punching bag anymore.

[@Prometheuspredator]

@julianmyers4043 , Very true. The enablers and flying monkeys are scared of them so in order to prevent retaliation from the narc. they agree with about anything to prevent backlash and being a target. As in all narcs. they have a high unrealistic and unachievable standard. Eventually, in time, they will be the target and will experience the repercussions of the narc. It is only a matter as of the simplest of things can cause someone or anyone to be a target. Narcs. hold no alliances to family, friends, coddlers, flying monkeys, and especially codependents. Narcs. are on their own private yacht and those who are in their web of influence are welcome, but there are conditions and unspoken rules and if you make a mistake or if they narc. feels like you betrayed them you will be targeted and punished. Only then will others know who they truly are.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

2:50 they loved you as much as a toaster

[@mandy4121]

Why do they tell you to leave and how much they hate you and you're the one crazy and messing up there life? So you leave then they beg you back.... WTH!!!!

[@RawMotivations]

So they don't look like the bad person.

[@mandy4121]

@@RawMotivations but they are

[@loribehr5967]

Control

[@RawMotivations]

@@mandy4121 I know they are. You know they are. They know they are. But they would rather believe the lie.

[@scooterpatooter9484]

I've been away from that situation for 3 years-- and, yeah, he tried several times. (His family told him where i worked-- I got a new job 8 months ago.) He wasn't successful in his needy hoover back-up plan. The road to recovery is long, hard, rough road-- no way am i traveling THAT road again.

[@OhMT24]

Once you don’t respond to the Hoover, it’s amazing. You recognize how they never loved you and only play games in their boring ,selfish lives. They hoovered twice and each time, I just laugh now. They are pathetic and I love myself more than deal with the childish chaos.

[@Palomavenetto]

20 years! They never give up.🤦‍♀️

[@sisid6295]

they hoover u all 20 years after break up ?

[@CheezInspector]

​@@sisid6295 Some will. Plenty won't. They find endless juicier "supply", or get really ill or die. Most are addicts and don't look after their health well.

[@Keith_Mikell]

Great production. The quality is great and your info is spot on. Nice work.

[@neraknatera9977]

Thank you for this.

[@doloresdercole381]

I know a narcissist who said he loved his wife in the beginning of their marriage, although she filled for divorce since due to his drug addiction. He also always talks about a previous relationship that he called his soul mate and can't stop thinking about her. Do narcissist ever love anyone ever? Or is he lying about his previous relationships? It's just so hard to accept they never really care about anyone especially after spending time with him and believing he cared.

[@Prometheuspredator]

No, they love no one just themselves. They hate everyone. They hate people and it doesn't matter who it is. Don't believe him about anything as narcissists lie and lie about anything and everything. Be careful and use caution when talking to him. Narcs. can easily pull others into their mind games, manuplation and lies. Never believe a word he says. Just listening and talking to him supports his lies, behavior, and is basically coddling and enabling him. Stay away from encouraging, enabling, and coddling him. If you don't he will expect it from you and if you are unavailable for some reason to be there he will turn against you, and you will become a target.

[@doloresdercole381]

@@Prometheuspredator Thank you so much. I am avoiding him as best I can, but since we live in the same apartment building I run into him. I am cordial because I feel it's the smarter thing to do. He has a violent past .

[@Prometheuspredator]

@@doloresdercole381, Your so welcome. Glad to help. Since he has a violent past be cordial and pleasant, and that should be it. Make very limited small talk. Cut and dry, and to the point. Try not to engage to much and allow him to go into his history and sob stories. Avoid his drama at all costs. No need to stand around and listen, and converse with him about his life and situations. Typical conversations are how life has treated them so wrong and I am the victim. Narcs. always play the victim card as they will avoid and never own up to what they did to cause and participate in their so called story. It is abunch of wah, wah, wah poor me crap. Yea, discussions of anything please try to avoid. Be nice and cordial, and make up an excuse and leave. Don't allow him to occupy your time as you know we all stay busy with life and all. Never believe anything he says and take it as a lie. A fabricated story to pull you into spear of influence. To feel sorry and pitty for him. That is the last thing you want to do. Standing around and listening to his "How life has treated him soooo bad and he never got a fair shake" will place you in a position that he will expect you to listen and support his drama story. You mentioned he has a violent past more the reason to avoid him as much as you can and not allow yourself to listen to his fabricated stories and lies. For myself anything thing that comes out of a narcs. mouth is a big fat lie. Also, they also lie about childhood abuse. Don't believe it as fact, because most or all of the story is a lie. My ex brother did this crap. He was the "Golden Child" and youngest of his siblings. A spoiled entitled brat. My parents coddled, enabled, and rescued him until they past away. Since they are nolonger with us his narcissistism has gotten so much worse. He is a danger to others and very violent. I do believe he is capable of murder as his out of control rages are over the top. He despises women, babies, children, waiters/waitresses, convience store employees, and so on. I am waiting for his teeth to be knocked out and getting the crap beat out of him. I discarded him like no tomorrow and he had no idea as it was all of a sudden. No discussions, sit downs or warnings I dropped him. He is very violent and a malignant narcissist. It sounds like this guy is a malignant narcissist as well as you mentioned he is violent. Malignant narcissists are the worst type of narcissist on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder spectrum. They are anti social and fall within the "Dark Triad." They are capable of anything even murder. Good luck to you. Stay pleasant and cordial and that is about it. Make it very short and simple and no discussions. This leaves him very little room to target you. Never share anything personal about your life, past, present, and future. Nothing. If this guy starts acting funky and expecting you to participate in his embellished stories and lies you may want to consider moving. Say nothing to anyone in the apartment complex, except the manager. Keep it quiet. This guy is violent and I don't want you to become a target.

[@JessMariaDwyer]

They never let go of their exes, they don’t care, they just want to keep them as supply. It’s about control. When his son has a breakup with his first girlfriend he was so broken with anxiety. He asked his Narc Dad (my partner) “How long will it take for me to get over her?”. And Dad said “you never get over your girlfriends, you think about them all the time.” I said “What? I got over my ex, I don’t think about him. No one should keep thinking about their exes, they should let go and move on!”

[@doloresdercole381]

@@Prometheuspredator I really appreciate your detailed input. I am still trying to deal with the reality of the relationship all being fake. I m so hurt and angry. We had fun, we laughed a lot, shared a lot of our past experiences. Although it was not physical it was very emotional. I was loving him just talking to him. He does know a lot about me now. 3 days ago he knocked on my door to introduce his daughter to me ,who was visiting from out of town. I was very surprised since we were not communicating . She was delightful and I let them in for a while and we had excellent conversation. I maintained non emotional demeanor as he brought up 4 things/ events that previously provoked me. I congratulated myself for my calmness. He said I was mean and nasty but I didn't even respond. That comment most likely is referring to me ending our friendship, telling him he was disrespecting me and I would not allow it. I was so hurt by things he said and did in the end that I lashed out devaluing him.

[@sleeperno1215]

Two years, this Christmas. Like nothing even happened. But, no Bueno from me.

[@HuntsvilleOriginalMusic-ui4jg]

I had a VERY satisfying hoover experience! (Don't worry, this story will end perfectly....). I was the victim of a covert narcissist wife. About a year after I was discarded, she started texting me. And she was surprisingly nice. After having the emotional crap beat out of me for 4 years by the narc, I was happy to feel that maybe she had changed and learned something. She started texting me daily. Sometimes she would say something agreeable that surprised me. that happened a number of times. After a while (a month or so) I begin to ask myself was this really her? As time when on, and she was nice to me via text I began to get the feeling that it could be a facade. I estimated there was a 99% chance it was. But what if it was the 1% and I was wrong? So I decided this is what I would do: I would text her, in the nicest tone and words I could think of, and say I thought it best if we no longer communicated. I figured if she was in the 1% category, she would answer back with either a gentle agreement with what I was suggesting or a counter to it like 'let's be friends...'. But if she was secretly her old self - the self that had raked me over the coals for sport, she would answer quite differently. Well, less than a minute later I got my answer. She answered back with all the vitriol and aspersions she could muster, informing me what a terrible piece of shit I was etc. She was revealed and back!!!! Instead of feeling bad about her text message, I practically laughed out loud. The cockroach had been triggered and I had just saved myself a ton of down the road pain. I texted back one more time saying simply goodbye, don't contact me anymore. I then blocked her on phone and text and social media. She had discarded me a year before after beating the crap out of me for 4 years. But now I dumped her!! I have to say, it felt GREAT!!!!!! It still puts a smile on my face!

[@anitaaustralia]

Well done. 🎉

[@jeanholtz579]

God is protecting me!!! He has tried everything and it all backfired on him.Give yourself over to God and ask Him for protection. Psalm 91 Isaiah 54 :17 He knows I have a carry license and he better not push too far or get violent with me.

[@irielion3748]

That's just another illusion. After all you've been through, try and face reality.

[@shawnj-o1k]

Gods the biggest narc abuser of them all lol holocaust denier Nazis and fake family Christianity nazi Jew hater imposters lol 😂

[@HeReignsJohn3-16]

@@irielion3748You are entitled to your view but no one can prove either way and actually prayer gave me strength and protection and freedom and I believe

[@natashaduncan2112]

@@HeReignsJohn3-16Amen! God is real!🙏🏾

[@tessavandenbroek2078]

My narcissist ex boyfriend hoovered for 8 months although I went no contact. He kept trying it in different ways. Now it stopped and I’m happy but it feels weird at the same time. Now I realise how addicted I was to the pull and push dynamic. Is this the final discard? Why did he give up the hoovering?

[@RawMotivations]

When is the final discard? When will they stop hoovering? kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y3mcm6t4hrZsqqM Hope this video gives you some clarity!

[@Rivera__444]

We have a child he was arrested for hitting me they put no direct or indirect contact on him and now he keeps calling me. I don’t know what he’s up too but am I scared not really. Im just taking this time to heal and be the best version of myself for my kids.

[@RealityCheckSisters]

Thank you! Loved this

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you. Would love to help you on your healing journey. Check out this video to see if you connect: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@cory99998]

I had to move back home after being away for many years and yes, loss of self 100%. I am suffocating in ways I didn't understand so many years back. But as I've started to figure out who I am, I now realize what I'm losing by being in this environment and I cannot take it.

[@dirtroaddestiny]

Praying for you Cory! You got this. Stay strong.

[@OneWhoKnowz]

We let them in is because we love them. Lies that we believe or the ones the narc positioned in front of us!! Some of it I believe is a projection of what we want it to be indeed but we believe that because true narc was like I’m the one 😂!! That’s the real deal otherwise most wouldn’t have and most are afraid to be alone.

[@lucylocket1159]

Not as hard as being in that toxic soup for another minute let alone another 16 years ....

[@muziqluvachi]

Celibacy is essential, to taking back your power.

[@denimspear]

I've just ordered the journal, I'll let you know if it helped. I've struggled to emotionally detach from my ex. I can't be sure if he's a narcissist or an avoidant but he certainly has narcissistic traits, lots of the classic behaviours. Trying to understand is keeping me stuck. I'm working hard to try to stop doing this and am making progress but three months recovery from a three year relationship seems long enough and I'm exhausted and saddened by it. I made it worse for myself as originally tried to remain friends/friendly. I'd had a successfully remained friends with my ex-husband. But I realised I just gave him the opportunity to continue to cause me pain. I struggle with this thought but I think he gets enjoyment from seeing other people in pain. He projects an image of a kind and caring person and thrives on people feeling sorry for him.

[@RawMotivations]

Hi there, have you thought about the next steps you should take in your healing journey? I would like to invite you to be a part of this free masterclass discover how to break free from toxic relationships and empower your self by gaining clarity, certainty and confidence here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..

[@mpeniak]

When hoover doesn't work then a narcissist will use vacum cleaner with triple suction power 😂

[@debmccafferty1007]

Ex hoovered after running. He texted me catfished photos of his son and ran when I asked why. Came back under a phony phone number. A simple misunderstanding - right!!

[@Drunken.Lyrics]

Narcs can sniff out the emphatic like a dog fighting through a bag of sticks in search of a bone. My experience led me to the meyers briggs character test. I found the fundamental aspects of who i am & how i work. From there, i grew in self security & knowledge on both... my strengths/weaknesses & how to sniff out narcs & how to fend them off when they come sniffing atound. ps.... there are alot more people on the spectrum than you may think.... it's crazy out there kids, put on ya helmet!

[@franciscocardenas5758]

Well put!

[@HardWorkPays0ff]

What if they never ramp it up and stalk? She tried multiple Hoovers for about a week and said in her last email she would never contact me again and that was almost a year ago. I thought people need to control others when then can’t control themselves. So it makes sense that a narc will stalk and uncontrollably reach out if they are ignored, but how did she not obsess and stalk? She doesn’t watch my instagram or anything, she isn’t watching me. The Hoover feels good because it’s a confirmation that they are miserable too and that you are on their mind. It feels like a very small form of justice.

[@xrppornstar9483]

It’s because your narc experienced narcissistic mortification. She won’t be back. You are dead to her. Consider it a blessing.

[@nancyjones9793]

There is a brain chemistry aspect to this as well. Info on that would help. They offer an addictive mix of dopamine and so forth. Being prepared for that when you leave is helpful. We often fail when the hoover hits because of the rush of those chemicals!

[@amazoniablue7572]

Weird cause I feel the opposite. The more he hoovers me the more I want to keep staying away.

[@s.9806]

@@amazoniablue7572that’s because your not trauma bonded whit that person!

[@angstrom1058]

After 4 years, here came the hoover attempt. I was polite and aloof.

[@marymccormack2317]

I have gone no contact 3 months after 11 weeks with that toxic 2 year old. Refused hoover. Do they try again as I want to be on guard.???

[@RawMotivations]

Often times they do yes. Reach out and we can build a growth plan to keep you safe. Https://rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones

[@SacredRevel]

This is great thank you I’m looking into that clarity challenge

[@RawMotivations]

Join this limited offer - www.rawmotivations.com/clarity-challenge-7dc-grad-discount