When are red flags actually red flags?

[@Long_May_They_Raine]

Oh, you found TheraminTrees! Nice! His videos helped me a lot.

[@kitkat8669]

i'm a huge fan of TheraminTrees too! I hope Maximino reacts to more of his videos, they are works of art

[@BunnyQueen97]

My mom always said that in the first ~6 months of a relationships, both parties are putting forth their “representative”. We all want to put our best foot forward, and we all have flaws that we hide until we’re comfortable. You have to wait until the representatives are dismissed to REALLY judge a person.

[@sadie4479]

Dude it’s awesome you are seemingly very self-aware, but don’t throw yourself under the bus all the time! Anyway love your hair cut!!

[@MexicanTeTe]

The problem with love bombing is that it's a seemingly innocuous series of actions meant to disarm you and to get into your good graces so you will be vulnerable to abuse or manipulation at a later date. It's not always clear if someone is love bombing you or if they're just friendly and generous, but you'll be in a world of regret if you let your defenses down and rush into a more committed relationship with someone if it turns out that the carefully crafted first impression they gave you was completely false. My personal opinion is that you shouldn't travel with someone, move in together, or get married without vetting them properly first (and by vetting I mean test out things like living together incrementally while still maintaining separate addresses). The real red flag people will only reveal their true selves when they're comfortable and think you're locked into the relationship with no option to escape... so you should always proceed with caution and have an exit strategy when you reach these new relationship milestones. I learned this the hard way.

[@Moraca101]

Pre-viewing video, my baseline has always been "if the person cant apologize for their actions, then the action is a red flag." I have bipolar and sometimes the cycle between mania and depression looks, from the outside, like love bombing and then going cold. My mother was HIGHLY triggered by this and abused me for it. So, when I got into my current relationship, I actively told my partner "hey, I do this thing where I struggle with love bombing when I feel really good, and might seem cold when I feel awful. I need you to understand that, sometimes my emotions dont reflect how I really feel and I will be telling you, actively, how I actually feel. Please believe my words, because I physically cant control some of the ways I present." and its that acknowledgement and apology and communication that makes my red flags more permissible. And if thats something a person cant handle in my relationships, thats ok. Protect your peace. post-viewing the video: I love that this video shows how someone can take those distancing steps to protect themselves, and also test out how their possible new partner handles boundaries. Devon punishes people when they set boundaries. That is a big red light. That is, at minimum, a person who you should not allow into your personal life until they learn how to accept boundaries. What Devon did could also be seen as a reaction from his past ( If we trust him saying he had abusive relationships. Every lie has shreds of truth.) and regardless of if it is a reaction, Isak should still have broken up. If you want to work on protecting yourself, remember that, even if the person isnt abusive by nature, they can still take abusive actions and may just, not be in the right state of healing yet. Now, connecting it to my pre-viewing thoughts, and Max's doubts in the video: Am I a red flag? Yes. Is it easy to be in a relationship with me? No. But my partner sees how I struggle with my condition and the steps and accessibility I try to leave open for both of us, and he appreciates the extra work I put in to restabilize and shield him from any of the crossfire between myself and my bipolar. He has seen me at my absolute lowest and still say "Now that Ive had 5 minutes of comfort, please go put on headphones and take a break from being a good partner. Take a break. I might be used to 10 hours of unbridled and complete sorrow, but you arent. I'll stay in the room to make you not feel worried, but go ignore me for half an hour." My extreme emotions can be used to get whatever I want. It can affect my partner's decisions. I actively take the steps to leave that breathing room, give him that space, and communicate openly, and THAT is what matters. My partner didnt set those boundaries, I did, for myself, so he didnt have to learn where those boundaries needed to be in real time. But after seeing me stop at them, he understands why Ive drawn those lines for myself and hold to them religiously. Having those doubts, and taking those steps IS your sign that you can change and grow. You may have done actions that hurt others, but only abusers refuse introspection and change.

[@Mychannel67-wh4tc]

Love bombing is an obsession. It’s a hot & cold dynamic. It’s the sudden change in the pattern of behaviour which makes it hurtful.

[@creacher00]

Yooo nice cut!!

[@Sonjaczek]

TheraminTrees is one of my most favourite, and definitely most valued youtubers! It’s awesome you’re reviewing his video :))

[@nursemelissajane]

Great video. You had me cracking up watching you gain insight into your own behavior in real time. So cute! I also got some much-needed validation about how I've handled a recent personal situation. It's such a long, slow process learning to trust my own judgement after leaving someone who never shut up about how stupid & wrong every decision I ever made is.

[@mgr9232]

The animals thing I also find interesting. I know some people don’t like them because they grew up in homes with an inappropriate amount of animals, that weren’t taken care of, and left the whole house living in a deep filth and stuff and so they feel averse to them because of bad conditioning. Some people get over that, some don’t. Some are just scared or freaked out, like, I think there’s a big difference between being uncomfortable with animals and thus saying you don’t like them versus someone that straight up thinks they’re less than, don’t deserve kindness, that they’re all horrible etc and would rather hurt the animals and be nasty to them. My friend’s mom doesn’t like animals, esp not in the house, but she’d never leave one out when it’s freezing temperature or raining really bad, and she’d never let one starve and she also appreciates what they do in terms of how the dogs help guard the house and are protective of the babies. But she still doesn’t like em, or want em around her. And then her husband, who grew up on a farm, likes animals but also can’t deal with them because his family was so horrendously abusive to them and he had to deal with so many of them dying that it hurts him too much to be around because all those memories just flood back in. He’s gradually getting better as my friend and I expand our homestead though, which I’m glad for.

[@florencebawden5079]

I love theramintrees!

[@BunnyQueen97]

You can’t “love bomb” an acquaintance, there’s no power dynamic being built between someone and their neighbor (usually). I think a lot of the examples in this video aren’t about overuse, they’re about misunderstanding.

[@merteazy]

hecc yeah theramintrees!!

[@leraw99]

I got that reference. The Urkel reference. I feel old now.

[@barelylegalbriefs]

1?

[@defendingthestrawman7103]

1:25 If you don't want to pause too much because you feel it does quite a good job at explaining yourself, you are not respecting the spirit of the original author's intellectual property rights... You can use tiny pieces of other's work to illustrate your point, but watching all or most of someone else's video if you are not providing critical commentary on the work itself, or showing more than is needed to do so, that is not fair use.

[@mgr9232]

By saying he is not respecting the original stuff, you are thus implying he is being disrespectful. I don’t think that that is a fair judgement of maximino, and when you typically do stuff through streams like he does it makes more sense to be watching it and then commenting. And if the video is really good, like honestly explains things well, you also get the huge camp of people that get annoyed at the KZbinr just parroting the thing for 40 minutes straight. And I honestly don’t think he’s left it playing all that overly long at a time. He lets the original video explain the thing properly enough for us to get it, then he makes a comment.

[@defendingthestrawman7103]

@mgr9232 Derivative works are the exclusive right of the copyright holder. I don't regard this work as transformative - and I do not believe a court would find it so. There are ways that this could be done and be good faith fair use. I do not believe that is the case here (having watched the whole video and several other videos of him reacting to other creators). If it is an honest mistake because he doesn't know better, just do better 🤷‍♀️ We live and learn. But if he continues the same habits just because other content creators are even worse, well, that would be disrespectful...

[@Moraca101]

@@defendingthestrawman7103 reaction channels are, by definition almost, going to leave the entire work in. That is the point. However, Max also talks about the concept and tries to hold a discussion about the video. That is a method of transforming the work. This one, maybe less so, but many of the others are almost twice as long, if not 6x as long as the original content. maybe he decided that despite him not doing that with this video, he thought it interesting and also important enough, to still keep this part of the vod and edit it for the channel. Im sure if the owners of these videos were bothered by it, they would just hit him with a takedown and say that they want him to not use their content. One of the people whom he "doesnt want to pause too much" is IN the comments on that video, thanking him for sharing their videos with his community. Reaction channels are free advertising. It is a part of the youtube food chain. If you dont like it, you can click on those three dots next time Max is in your feed and hit "Do Not Recommend This Channel."