when in doubt, reddit blames women

[@franzid.8141]

The guy in the first story has a right to ask a favour, the wife has the right to set a boundary and say no, not now and offered a compromise by suggesting she help later. He then got mad at her for setting and keeping a boundary and withheld his "love" in return. Gives me flashbacks to my ex... Yikes.

[@TexasTeaHTX]

Yeah, modern marriage in west is wild. If I’m paying all the bills I expect to have things done right when I say it. This more than likely wouldn’t be the case for me because I don’t make enough money. If we were both working I wouldn’t ask her to do anything tbh. It’s just not worth an argument or stoking any sort of resentment.

[@autumnmeep]

Yes, this holding „hostage“ of gestures of affection is sooooo toxic. Sure it might be easy to fall into the petty revenge when one is stressed but in my opinion that reaction is what destroys „healthy“ relationships faster than almost anything else. D:

[@TexasTeaHTX]

@@autumnmeep Let’s suppose a woman withholds sėx for some reason. Petty or not, would you hold her to the same standard because getting it somewhere else is cheating?

[@revaeuli5073]

yo can you explain this to me I'm neurodivergent. Why is it setting a boundary to refuse to help someone, but only if you're the first one to refuse? Like bc he basically was like, if you don't feel like helping me rn then I'm not helping you rn. I understand that this is childish behaviour. That part is clear. But I don't understand how they both did the same thing "I'm choosing not to help you because I don't feel like it right now". Is refusing to help just inherently worse if you're annoyed compared to refusing to help because you don't care about your partner more than you care about sitting down for a few minutes? That honestly seems much worse to me.

[@notapeacockfan3356]

​@revaeuli5073 hi! I'm also neurodivergent. The issue with this is that those are gestures he does regularly to show his wife he loves her. In a relationship, you should always love your partner, even if you're angry rn. If you regularly withhold all affection when you get in a fight (which we don't know for sure in this case but I'm explaining in general). It can feel a lot like your partner only gets love if they've behaved correctly. Generally being upset and needing space is fine. But being pissy and going out of his way to not do something lwans a lot more towards punishing your partner than needing space or time. Punishment is never okay, because it implies inequality (the punisher sees the punished as someone they have authority over) and instead you should take the space you need. Also your partner should always know that you love them. Refusing to do small (reasonable) things to reassure your partner that you are a team and you're not going ti leave them is immature and cruel. For instance I always say I love you back even if we are fighting.

[@matthewh2929]

Story 1: It seems very unreasonable to expect someone to jump straight into house chores after an 8 hour shift at work, especially when it can be done later, then start acting immature and spiteful hours later because he didn't get what he wanted. She didn't expect him to hold the car door open, it was his change of behaviour just to be spiteful is what bothered her.

[@VampiraVonGhoulscout]

I mean, she didn't say what her job is, so for all they know she could have been on her feet for eight hours working as a waiter or something. Also, your tattoo is DOPE!

[@mitochondria558]

It's literally not about the car door, it would be the exact same thing if he was just like sighing loudly and rolling his eyes, It's the passive aggression that she has the issue with.

[@DM-nw5lu]

Exactly. He is doing it to punish her... that's the problem.

[@Starcrash6984]

Totally agreed. The only reason she mentions that it's "normally what he'd do" is to clarify how she knows he's being passive-aggressive.

[@VentricDual]

Hey Rachel, silent watcher here. I just wanted to say that the format of having something going in the video (This time, you are painting the barbie mugs. Love the colours btw!) and then you doing a voice over is really nice. I hope you are doing ok and getting through the days one day at a time. Thank you for your videos! Love from Ireland.

[@sadem1045]

It's great seeing her make art in a video. If Rachel decides to do Twitch streams of her painting, drawing, etc. I will definitely watch.

[@soyevquirsefron990]

I never look at the screen anyway so whatever is easier for her!

[@frankensteinlives]

8:54 The ironic thing is that HE'S the one doing the "annoyingly performative" thing, what with him saying that he always helps her "even when he doesn't want to." He's implying, intentionally or not, that his choice to never say no means that she must also never say no, otherwise he will withdraw his affection.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

According to society, for a man to be guilty, he has to have never done anything right. For a woman to be innocent, she needs to have never done anything wrong

[@ifthen0001]

That's in-group bias and seems to be present on every side of every topic. The in-group is upright, so they must have acted in good faith; the out-group is despicable, so they must have acted in bad faith.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@ifthen0001 It's not in group out group, it's sexism. Because most WOMEN blame women more than men too.

[@doodleder9651]

A lot of people on reddit write a whole fanfiction in their head while reading. I think its important to keep in mind we dont know these people in these stories and can't know

[@randomlyswatching9481]

Because they are chronically ol. I have agreed to ppl there only to be cald rude by the same person 😂...and sarcastic when I was being literal. Too much screen time fried the wires of em

[@randomlyswatching9481]

They'll start something with ya without any rhyme or reason 😅

[@SidraStRain]

I very recently got diagnosed with autism, and over the Christmas holiday my family so consistently pushed my boundaries and then attributed my discord to my diagnosis. The last story hit hard for me, because I also ended up leaving earlier than I planned because of it, and I also got guilt tripped over it by the same people who had hurt my feelings and made me feel unwelcome. Thanks for existing, Rachel, it's helped a lot.

[@sadem1045]

Welcome to the autism family!!! I'm so sorry you have family members who were making you unhappy and clearly don't understand autism. It's also awful that they guilt-tripped you for taking care of yourself by leaving early. There are positive Reddit communities for people on the autism spectrum (one of these sub reddits is specifically for autistic women). You will find a lot of support and camaraderie in those sub reddits.

[@Ia_catI]

It’s wild how many people take “I am autistic” as an incentive to now treat you worse than before because “you won’t notice it anyway, amirite“. Which is obviously wrong because autism ≠ stupid. Also there is an insane number of people who, if you bring up something you have an issue with (allergies, sensitivities, boundaries, phobias) will see that as an incentive to try and push you to see just how much it will affect you. Or they might feel personally insulted for some reason and try to seek revenge while you are just being vulnerable and then use that same vulnerability you opened up about against you.

[@fallenking578]

As someone with chronic fatigue, i eill crash hard after work and even simple tasks are nearly impossible for a bit. I could see not wanting or being able to take stuff inside.

[@daina9704]

Yes! Thank you~ same here

[@pencilpauli9442]

How do you cope at work? ME/CFS is no joke.

[@fallenking578]

@@pencilpauli9442 mostly I force through it and crash at home (not a healthy thing to do). But I work in theaters so I do have chances to sit down and work on lighter work. Mostly it's a talk with your boss about disability needs as CFS is a disability and they have to accommodate. Class was worse for me because they didn't accommodate as well in my collage. I have POTS too so both flaring at once is hard. Just try to take it day by day

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

Would a decent compromise be "I'll take this stuff and I'll leave the rest for you when you get to it"? Like, did they have to have this giant blowout? If my idea is a bad compromise let me know, just in case I ever run into someone with chronic fatigue...syndrome? I think that's right. I'm actually standing on my porch late at night saying "chronic fatigue syndrome" out loud to see if it sounds right. My neighbors probably think I've fully cracked and I'm talking to voices only I can hear...

[@daina9704]

@ that would generally work for my household and has in the past, but I’m not trying to speak for everyone else with chronic fatigue, and I’m sure there are exceptions (like are the presents massively in the way upstairs, etc.) 100% agree that blowing up was unnecessary~ It is lowkey understandable with holiday stress and whatnot tho

[@ThatRedhedd]

Story 1: He's retaliating out of spite! THAT'S what she's upset about. HE'S being spiteful, which is immature. She has every right to be upset by that, and he's in the wrong.

[@ifthen0001]

You don't know for sure it's out of spite. Think of it this way. If you know someone is currently upset with you, do you think they would in that headspace enjoy going out of their way to do favours for you? The answer is obviously no, and they would suffer if they forced themselves to. Instead of spite, the more likely scenario is just this. Some people do favours and show their appreciation because they feel like that and because they actually do appreciate. And when they're frustrated or upset with someone and mulling over it, those feelings aren't felt, so they naturally aren't acting on emotions that aren't there. Spite doesn't have to be involved.

[@dangerxbadger2300]

@ifthen0001 so you're saying. You should only do kind things for your partner when they are acting the way you want. When they make you feel good? That's crazy thinking, imo, and to me, says you're only appreciative of someone conditionally. Yikes. And before you even start, I personally I've been in two different relationships with children, still went out of my way to do things like cook dinner, fold laundry Etc that I did not have to do, even when I was angry at my partner. Because to me, showing them love isn't about me. Acts of service are not about me or my feelings. Making them as such forces the responsibility and consequence of my feelings, which are my responsibility alone, onto others which is wrong.

[@ifthen0001]

@@dangerxbadger2300 Deleted my original response. I don't think kind things should be done only when someone acts the way you want. That's an incorrect approach even with strangers. My point was, when you happen to be feeling especially appreciative for example, nice gestures will just naturally flow from you into the world. Not so when you're upset.

[@dangerxbadger2300]

@ifthen0001 that's fair. I think if you had said something like you're more inclined to do nice things when you are feeling not feeling upset with your partner, that would be one thing but making the assertion that you don't do kind things unless you are feeling that way toward your partner is an entirely other one. I'm sorry if I came across harshly or aggressive. That's some of my own baggage rearing its head because a some of the Romantic relationships I've been in, two of the most committed in fact, were very transactional on the end of the other person, so this is a sore spot for me.

[@Mila28.06]

Reddit loves to make stories seem to be black and white, when almost nothing in the life is. People wont always act ideally. No one is always a perfect person. Its normal. No need for the top comment to be calling it gaslighting, manipulation, toxic or whatever.

[@Turquerina]

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and acts like a duck, then it is a duck. No shame in calling things for what they are.

[@user-mv5zt8qd9l]

​@@Turquerina This is very literally the black-and-white thinking being scrutinised in the comment

[@randomlyswatching9481]

​@@Turquerinanah u haven't been on Redit have ya. . they're never that duck quacks simple

[@randomlyswatching9481]

​@@Turquerina nah on there it's not so simple. Try goin

[@randomlyswatching9481]

​@@Turquerinaon that Redit lol😅😅😅it's only grey ...maybe look irl if you want to see real ppl

[@thylacoleonkennedy7]

That last story is genuinely infuriating. The mother was so clearly working to undermine and hurt her daughter. It's such a juvenile way to behave.

[@am45_001]

(Story 1) I've seen some pretty clear cut stories where a woman was in the wrong, but this is far from that. The reactions here are blown way the fuck out of proportion, from both the the people in OP's story and from the reactions to it. Tbh, the most reasonable person here IS OP!

[@Dusty_Inkwell]

These cups turned out super cute! It was very relaxing to watch you paint and go through these posts, sharing your opinions

[@dangerxbadger2300]

18:00 binge drinking is still problem drinking, bud, and not just bc now your partner is leaving. Back when I had an issue, I didnt drink every day, but when I did, I'd lose control and get blacked out every single time. It's still unhealthy, still an issue, and still something you need professional help over. Because the reality is, the problem isn't the drinking. I can almost guarantee that this man has other behaviors in his life and that make him untrustworthy and a poor choice of partner. Basically, the drinking is a symptom, not the actual problem.

[@meluvgiraffes]

brings to mind the phrase - “addiction is the opposite of connection”

[@dangerxbadger2300]

@@meluvgiraffes it absolutely is! And I think it's interesting that you bring that up in relation to this story, because this particular guy seems to be doing this most often when he attends large social gatherings which could mean that he has struggled with some form of social anxiety and is drinking to make up for it. But, we all know that social anxiety usually comes as a result of some other deep seated insecurity, so the problem here is kinda two-fold.

[@renessance7729]

I love this! You're so kind and empathetic and offer up perspectives for both sides - we need more people in the world like you!

[@pencilpauli9442]

Some of the comments on the first post are really poor and judgemental. There is not enough information provided in one tiff in a relationship to state categotically what an entitled person the woman is. As for the comment about office workers 🤦🤦 How many people just do a single 8 hour shift per day? Then the day is still not over, cooking shopping looking after the kids, and then repeat over and over again. There is cumulative stress and tiredness, and on top of that, there is the Christmas preparations to be done. IMHO the perfect scenario is: -Would you mind helping me bring the presents down, please? -Can we leave it until after we get back from the errand, am just having a break. -I'd like to get it done now, tbh. -Well, let's do it later. We can have a drink/treats, and put the presents around the tree. It'll be nice. If we do it now it will be rushed and we can enjoy the moment together. Sometimes you have to learn to slow down, But it's not always easy to do sow hen tired, stressed and feeling the pressure of having to get things done. And we ought recognise that the partner was probably tired, stressed and not necessarily behaving in a manner they would normally find acceptable. No arseholes here, just people suffering from modern life.

[@bigboichoi0073]

It just seems like projection on how they feel w their partners 🤦‍♀️

[@Sableagle]

16:55 "Even my beloved Mari." "I assume that's his wife." That? That right there is his problem. Mari is the 🥬but yeah, he seems to be married to that not to her.

[@Unseen000]

The cheesecake story hit home, as Passive aggressive behavior from family is so toxic, and setting boundaries is very important.

[@lizg.7657]

I have been pushing away from reddit lately, even deleted the app off my phone. There's been so much negativity and raging going in so many angles on there. But pertaining to this vid - I have self banned myself from AITA or any similar boards because there is a high probability they are rage bait or LARPs. I can't anymore.

[@ifiwanttodance737]

Re: the last story. Canada actually celebrates Thanksgiving as well! But a month earlier. I don't think it's celebrated anywhere else though.

[@RS-ik2my]

Fun fact, it's actually celebrated in 8 countries. I have a Canadian coworker and we went down the wikipedia rabbit hole a few years ago. Everything seems to agree that the tradition started in the USA but (puling from wikipedia for this information) it's also celebrated in Austria, Brazil, Canada, Germany, Liberia, Saint Lucia, and Switzerland.

[@KorbentMarksman]

It’s also celebrated in the Pacific Island External Australian Territory of Norfolk Island, bizarrely

[@Resilient_Sage88]

I've heard the one with the toxic mother before and it still irks me that she calls her Depression "Messing up" like yeah I can understand if she messed up while depressed but the language seems to convey that she views the Depression itself as a mark against her character which as someone who deals with Clinical Depression; that is absolutely not the case.

[@akisatsuki8444]

1 minute in and watching you apply the paint is so satisfying

[@OneToxicPixel]

Painting the mugs looks really fun! I might look into doing one myself too one day... As for your commentary, I find it refreshing to have someone do very level headed commentary instead of all the drama brained youtubers. Also, if you want to try diamond painting, I can recommend if you wanna do more of these in the future! I did some cute little christmas tree decoration ones while visiting my sister and her kids, was so fun!

[@chaseashley6775]

Great to have a video to brighten up my day! I’ve had a 101-103 (38.3-39.4) fever the last couple days and my throat is super sore.

[@RachelOates]

Hope you feel better soon!

[@mrgreencrab]

I think I had the same bug, but I'm feeling better now. For me, it took like 3-4 days in the super sore throat stage and fever/exhaustion, then it started softening and shifting into coughs, sniffles, and a really strange voice for another 6 days or so. I hope you rest and drink a lot of water (speaking to you and also past me lol)

[@sydneystricker7461]

Ugh i love this format its so fun i love seeing you do artsy things. Love ya rachel!

[@BubbleBunnyy]

People are so weird lol. The first post I agree with you completely. My bf likes opening the car door for me and if he didn’t do it to show his annoyance that would just be petty and upset me lol. Idk, it’s not an “expectation” it’s just the fact that her husband is being petty about it and not speaking on why it’s bothering him so much and just taking it out on her lol. This whole post is just a whole entire lack of communication. lol.

[@brunetteartist24]

I love the filming set up for this sm! The light filtering in, the supplies on the side,, felt very cozy and talking with a friend vibe I love seeing you different crafts on camera whenever you don't wish to record a face cam video, and the blue gradient on the cup turned out so pretty

[@Pseudoknickname]

God, i relate to the last story, so f-ing much. My stepmother is just like that, always wanting to be in control, always the center of attention. She used to take credit for the stuff i would do i.e., if i cooked dinner or cleaned the bathroom she would tell my dad she did that. (Thankfully he knew better than to believe her) She could be very hypocritical about things big and small. If i ever forget to pull out food from the freezer she would get upset with me and blame me for ruining dinner, but if she forgets then it was just an innocent mistake, we can just order takeout (she never paid). Living with her i felt like i was never allowed to be angry or sad in any way. She would always yell at and criticize me if i get upset over something. Even now i still struggle with properly expressing emotions in any way. I never felt like i could be a real person around her. She basically treated me like an employee. I had to do all the chores, i had to clean her home office, i made most of the meals, i cared for the dogs. Basically anything she couldnt do sitting would be my job and her handiwork.

[@Annickicki]

This one hit rather close to home. I am not speaking to my mother right now because she went full mask off just before Christmas and called me the most selfish person who ever lived. She seems baffled that I refuse to just forgive her and move on as if this is the first time she's said something incredibly hurtful to me... while living in the house I bought and pay for (along with all utilities and other neccessities) so that she and my father can retire in comfort. Wish it was always as easy as just deciding to not do thanksgiving anymore.

[@dangerxbadger2300]

@@Annickicki I mean, I don't know your living situation so I can't tell you for sure, but it kind of is if you don't live with them and aren't dependent on them. It's hard, at first, because they will try to draw you back in and they will send flying monkeys to pry and to attempt draw you back in, but if you stay firm, eventually, you can have a peaceful and happy life. I went no contact with my mother almost 3 years ago and things have been great. If no contact isn't possible, low or necessary only contact can also be really beneficial. I really hope that you are able to achieve peace and happiness, because I know so well how living with people like that in your life can be so draining. Lots of love.

[@Annickicki]

@dangerxbadger2300 Thanks for replying. The problem is that my parents live in my house because they didn't plan well for retirement. If I kick mom out, dad goes with her and he's done nothing wrong. So I am basically low contact in the same house. What a ridiculous situation. I am so glad things have worked out for you though :)

[@Mylittlestcorner]

Can you mix in more crafty videos like this? That way you don't have to be on video as much, plus this would be fun to watch too!

[@unicorn-glasses]

Long time follower of your channel here, I agreed with everything you said, I just wanted to comment and say that it was weirdly satisfying watching you paint while doing the voice-over (those mugs are so pretty BTW). Not sure if it's because I'm neurodivergent myself but I honestly couldn't look away. So feel free to do more videos in this format while you're working on your healing and taking time away from being directly on camera to take care of yourself, this was a brilliant idea ❤️

[@AnnaRenee]

I love the voiceover with painting! And your commentary was spot on for the first story. Reddit from my perception loves a big dramatic story and whenever something mundane comes across the feed folks take it way to far

[@CreativaArtly]

The mugs are so stinking cute, Rachel. I love watching you paint so much

[@radsaq]

Working a desk job can certainly feel like running a marathon on some days. Also the painting was mesmerizing to watch. 🤩

[@aspenarty5453]

The last woman's situation hit close to home, the only difference being that I'm 23 and live with my mom

[@marsh1020]

The final story reminds me of my mom's relationship with her mom. I'm so happy that OP is getting professional support from a therapist, and if she ever does decide to have kids, like my mom did, I hope they don't get hit by the fallout of intergenerational trauma like I did. My nana forced my mom to name me after her (thankfully my parents refused to make it my first name, so her name was my middle name). When I changed my name (for gender reasons), I just arbitrarily picked a masculine name (to try to benefit from patriarchal bias on resumes, lol) with the same initial, but I kinda wish I had asked my mom to help me come up with a middle name, since she never got a choice the first time around. About two years ago, my nana passed away. She was pretty nice to my sister and I, and did genuine good work in her community during her very long life, but after seeing how much she's hurt my mom, the only thing I can say is "good riddance."

[@dangerxbadger2300]

@@marsh1020 I heard a saying recently that really struck me to my core. It said "we should only ever judge an individual's character by the way they behave to those who cannot reciprocate or do not appreciate". It sounds like your Nana was only good to those who made her feel as though her work/deeds were appreciated or to people who could reciprocate, which means she wasn't a very good person.

[@stellablake6200]

I love so much when you talk over footage of you crafting! When you were talking about having a hard time being on camera during the Evie Magazine video it got me thinking about some videos you did years ago over footage of you doing like decoupage on some little animal figurines I think? I've always loved that so much, and I'm so happy you're bringing that back! ❤

[@KRMurdy]

This video is so relaxing. I love your voice, and listening to your voice reading while watching you craft is super relaxing. I think this may be some of my favorite content of yours. it seems relaxing for both you and your viewers. In line with that...I'm seeing all your miniature painting supplies and I'd love to watch you paint some miniatures!

[@edvh88]

In my particular relationship, my husband wouldn’t ask for help unless he really needs it, and if I say “can it wait” if it can, he’ll let me know. He doesn’t ask for a lot of help so I usually do help when asked. BUT that’s just my relationship, and if I said No he wouldn’t be mean about it.

[@RainbowFlowerCrow]

Happy new year! We celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada too; it's in October though 🇨🇦

[@LiamODonovan-l6e]

You are awesome, rachel. i hope you had a great Christmas and the best 2025. I love your channel. You i hope everything positive happens. Thank you. You are a comforting person to listen to

[@SA-np5xo]

Rachel my eyes LIT UP when I saw the bottles of miniature paints in this video - if you continue with these voiceover vids (which I really appreciate anyway) I would love to watch you paint some minis! ❤

[@SilverDragonJay]

"I get the impression reddit just hates women." Imagine my shock. *sips tea* I like the cactus mug. I like the way the cacti seem elongated by the curve of the mug, makes me think of how shadows distort across curved objects. Now I'm getting this rather abstract idea of a mug where the bottom is a yellow circle like the sun or another light source and the designs on the mug are actually stretched shadows so that when the mug is sitting on the table, it looks like a view of the ground as the sun sets....Or something. I'm not sure if it would even read irl so I'm having trouble describing it.

[@411rip]

Yay, new video! I hope you had a great Christmas, Rachel.

[@BioRose25]

On the last story. I always went to family Christmas despite how challenging my family was because it was easier than hearing them complain about it all year. I would try to work if i could and eventually moved across the country. It isn't always as simple as saying "I'm not coming".

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

The cup painting + voice-over is giving Savannah Marie's rock painting + anti-MLM videos❤

[@edvh88]

Seeing your workspace with all the paint bottles lined up makes me so happy 💜

[@aliceb.1481]

Same. Love an organised artist space ❤

[@vampiress13ouran]

Watching you paint was so relaxing. I love watching people craft, so thus was amazing!

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

I quite like the voiceover of a video of you doing a craft. It's really calming watching, for example, a blank mug turn into a...non blank mug sorry my brain just fell out and I can't think of the word I need here. Um, yeah that's all I wanted to say. I mean, maybe there is more I wanted to say but my brain rolled away somewhere under the furniture and I can't find it so...

[@brunetteartist24]

Also hope you have a nice new year with kyra

[@SinaJulia]

I really enjoy voiceover videos like this, showing the creators creative side! Hopefully you had good holidays and are finding the space to take care of yourself ❤️ thank you for allowing us a glimpse into your creativity and art ☺️

[@Mylittlestcorner]

Thank you for the fun unboxing video! I love listening to you, where the photage is of you or other things you wanna show us ❤

[@emlands]

The first story is insane!!! The wife said she’d bring the presents down at a later time, which may be inconvenient, but is ultimately a yes to the husbands ask. This story ending up on r/amithedevil is CRAZY & 100% rooted in misogyny.

[@anneseredina8898]

These kinds of videos are always interesting to me because of your nuance and analysis when it comes to tricky situations. I love the way you painted the mugs, they turned out beautiful! Have a lovely new year Rachel (:

[@autumnmeep]

Hi Rachel, thank you for sharing a video with us.

[@sadem1045]

I hope you're doing better, Rachel Oates. You're a very special and unique person and you make the world a better place with your passion and your art. May 2025 be a wonderful year for you ❤

[@mhall4666]

Love the video, great job as always, Rachel! Enjoyed watching you paint too! Nice change of pace, looks relaxing 💙

[@mars6233]

I think Canada has thanksgiving too, but on a different day? I don't know, I'm American

[@artikulv731]

Canadian thanksgiving happens around a month or so before American thanksgiving, I believe

[@ghostlystarsss]

this video felt very cozy, I enjoyed it a lot :) also about the comment assuming it was an office job with the first story, sitting down without the chance to move around a bit is also bad for you and absolutely tiring and uncomfortable?

[@legendaryfrog4880]

"I'm getting the sense that Reddit hates...." You can just stop right there. I haven't been on Reddit since the U.S. election and I've been happier for it.

[@etwrnity]

the perfect video to watch as I make 3D art

[@robbiehasnobones]

the last post: i think me and OP may have the same mom lmao

[@meluvgiraffes]

I swear it’s always the most immature and irrational people who comment on the maturity and rationality of those around them the most…

[@NorahAmeer]

It is also really weird to me to withdraw affection from your partner if they refused to do something just one time (from what we know) when it comes to opening the car door? the wife didn't sound entitled just confused.

[@ThatFont]

Reddit culture is insane. Every time there’s a feminist (or just positive in general subreddit) there’s another one made for people who disagree, and they all have nearly the same name. Instead of engaging in good faith debates, hateful people literally have to create an alternative safe space to farm karma/upvotes from people they can get confirmation bias from. The gaming community is worse for it. There’s two Last of Us part 2 subreddits and they’re basically polar opposites. The Reddit algorithm supports this. Engage with one of them, and the other shows up in your feed the next day.

[@chandlerburse]

Both TLOU subreddits are toxic in their own ways i found

[@chandlerburse]

One hates you for not loving the game and the other hates you for even remotely liking it

[@ThatFont]

@@chandlerburse I’ve been able to have critical discussions in the one with normal people who enjoyed the game, what you said doesn’t reflect my experience at all.

[@chandlerburse]

@ well my experience was telling people its okay to not like the game and they seem to not take a liking to that fact I saw people pile on a female bodybuilder who admitted she didnt think Abby would be able to bulk up like that and she wasn’t being super negative or anything she was just saying how her experience relates and how unrealistic it would be for Abbys situation. I recall seeing many people hate on Joel and refuse to even acknowledge that the game clearly isn’t trying to make Joel the bad guy so apparently they agree with fans who hate the game for supposedly doing the same thing. I also recall pointing out how both groups basically do the same things both downvote anyone who disagrees with general consensus and often pile on them and both like to pretend they are right Also that group would never admit that people who didnt like the game had a right to it without basically saying “they are media illiterate” essentially always saying the other person is just uneducated and therefore wrong while they are right. Its annoying

[@chandlerburse]

@ i’m not pretending one side is good and the other is not Im sick of lying to myself for people who are divided over a series that ND wouldve been better off not making I dont hate either tlous but i kind of hate their existence because 1. No Jak 4 and 2. This fandom is horrible

[@ratbear7489]

Unrelated to the video but your octopus tattoo is so cool! ❤

[@mikalcarruthers]

Things that I've learned from these 3 stories In the first one, i agree they both were tired from their jobs and i don't think it's right to blame the woman because she wanted a break first and the man shouldn't be blamed either for wanting to get the stuff over with immediately. I just hope their relationship works out. In the second story, I'm completely on the wife's side because the husband not only has a drinking problem but keeps making excuses for his addiction. I don't blame the wife for being fed up and being done with that person who refuses to do the work to get sober. If he really wants to change for the better, maybe he should still not have just a few drinks and he needs rehab. In the final story, i think the daughter deserves a new family. The mother is so disrespectful to her daughter and undermining her ideas. I really believe the mother hates her daughter. I would not blame the daughter if she doesn't wanna to ever see her mother again I hope you have a great New Year and take care of yourself. We will see you soon

[@bretthansen3739]

I get so frustrated when people act like working at a desk can't be tiring. I've worked physical jobs and I've worked desk jobs, and they can both be exhausting. My most tiring jobs have been desk jobs personally, but I think that was the specific jobs, not something inheirant to office work.

[@GrayTimber]

I have noticed a lot of issues with reddit and comments on reddit readings where the woman is either a Saint or the devil, and no in between. And commenters LOVE tearing into the women who post. It's such a problem that I stopped looking at comments on videos. I make an exception here because you've curated a certain kind of audience. Anyway, it's the passive aggressive withholding of affection from husband in story 1 that makes him the asshole. Not a huge one, but it definitely reflects his need to introspect on his behavior in that moment. I am usually the one who says "give me a minute/I'll help you with (task) once we get back." My husband doesn't act like husband in story 1 towards me if he decides to do it himself right away. He understands that I am disabled in many ways and can't always hop to it. If OP just got back from work and he's already asking her to help with a task, it's her right to say "I need a moment."

[@isaacbenrubi9613]

Re: Story 1 - Being spiteful, then being upset about being called out about being spiteful, is like... spite squared? Spiteception? I love your tattoo, Rachel, and i hope your 2025 is magnificent!

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

Actually, in Thanksgiving is on the second Monday of October in Canada. And fourth Thursday of November in the US 22:22

[@daina9704]

For the first one I genuinely think the husband is at fault. You shouldn’t always have to be “on” for your partner. Yes it’s great to help each other out, but acting all pissy because someone needed downtime (and was already dressed to leave) is weird~ and his response of “well I always help you” gives some really strong transactional relationship vibes, which I’m pretty sensitive to as a married disabled woman. If I absolutely needed something done for my headspace and my wife wasn’t up to helping out for whatever reason, that’s got to be the start of a conversation about how to go forward. Downtime is a need. Mental health is a need. My wife isn’t responsible for helping out every single time my brain chemicals scream at me, it’s just nice when she does. Idk if that makes sense or not

[@ToneShift-42]

Commenting bc I’ve never been this early. Love you and your content!!!

[@singularlyinepthuman]

Second story - he lied to her and broke a promise, why should she ever believe anything he ever says again?

[@jasminelyall2700]

I’m actually reading the house on the cerulean sea right now. Love the art with voice over style of video

[@saraht3196]

canadians also celebrate thanksgiving, but they do it early-mid october and we do it at the end of november :)

[@TheYasmineFlower]

I really like watching someone do something creative with a voiceover. It's very cozy.

[@BubbleBunnyy]

Btw Canada also celebrates thanksgiving but it’s in October!

[@Amira_Phoenix]

An immediate like 👍 to your Barbie mugs

[@Heather_Duke]

One of the stories where commenters really got all dramatic and judgmental was one where a woman wrote about a small, funny disagreement she and her wife had. It was about where to bathe the dog. The wife wanted to bathe the dog in the sink. The OP of the story thought that was gross and would rather the dog be bathed in the tub. The dog was a chihuahua named Romeo. Anyway, it wasn't something the OP or her wife took seriously. They just thought that it was funny. You wouldn't know that by commenters. They totally tried to vilify either the OP or the wife.

[@boxterhua]

when you said something along the lines of "does reddit just hate women?" the answer is yes. i've used the site for a long time and it has always had this issue in bigger subreddits and in their culture as a whole. at times some of the people on their want it to be like 4chan but they get fake internet points and accolades for being terrible

[@mrssherlockasy4236]

As someone who has anxiety issues, I can tell you you have to learn to manage your stress. The world won't distort to fit in with your needs. The husband is responsible for the conflict, I don't think there was a need to do things right here right now and even if it was the case, his wife was more reasonable by proposing to help a little later. That's better than what people do most of the time on this subreddit. Yes stress can make you more irritable and despicable but it's not an excuse for everything, you have to behave like an adult and take your own responsibility for your emotions. The second story gives me major 'I can fix him' vibes. It's a very toxic mindset and it's better to leave someone who is unwell instead of getting hurt each time they mess up. He needs to take the time to get help and fix himself before moving on. The last story reminds me of my family. We had some dramas through time and my sister and I finally cut ties with our grandparents because we had enough. We were never good enough for them, even my sister who was my grandmother's favourite.

[@diinosuke]

Rachel, I would watch your videos if you put subway surfers gameplay on the screen. You have so many valuable things to say, and your subscribers care about that over anything else. Please keep well and take care

[@AW-uv3cb]

Story 1: It's clearly miscommunication like Rachel said, but I also think the OP phrased her needs in a bad way and if I was the husband, I would also be upset. She said "I'll do it later, I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT NOW". Maybe it's me being a non-native speaker, but to me that doesn't say "babes, I'm super tired right now and I'll help you, but I just need to rest for a moment". It sounds like she's saying "I'm able to help and there's nothing stopping me from it, except I don't want to". Which she obviously didn't mean, but how would the husband know? If I heard a reply like that from someone (who, for all I know, is just sitting on the couch), it would sound to me like they don't really care about helping me, or they expect me to schedule things that need doing around when they "feel like it". I'd be annoyed at someone who talked to me like that, and probably wouldn't feel like doing little kindnesses to them in the moment because it would feel like I'm being taken for granted while the other person is only thinking about themselves. The husband's reaction doesn't seem spiteful to me, it's the reaction of someone who's annoyed and hurt. The problem is not that the OP should help straight away, but that she should make it clear why she's not helping right now. I'm sure they were able to work it out after some talk, but I hope this is not how OP typically communicates.

[@IsabelleFenech]

For story 1, I also get the sense that reddit hates women here. The commenters aren't able to see the nuance in this conversation.

[@laymayday]

The first story really irks me. She said she needed to rest a little while and would help later that day. What’s wrong with that? Especially considering that it didn’t need to happen at that moment. I’ve grown up with parents like that guy, and it’s very hard to deal with. I don’t know if I would be able to be together with a person like that. Hopefully that was a one time thing…

[@wheelofunfortune]

Hi Rachel! Happy early new year's eve, Where do you get your Paintable Barbie mugs from?

[@RachelOates]

They’re from a company called Pottd :)

[@JARD7318]

Everyone's fine having a drink or two I haven't heard of a person outside of a sitcom bit who gets wasted on one beer. It's a problem when you regularly have multiple drinks and you already know that you can't handle it. And when your partner looks you dead in the eye and asks you not to do the self-destructive thing that you already know is self-destructive. And you do it anyway you can't be pulling the surprise Pikachu face when they want to leave you.

[@clairebear-96]

Haha I never knew I wanted to hear Rachel say “schwasted” until she did 😂💛

[@jennybenny5091]

8:15 yeah you are missing something- the misogyny reflex 🥴

[@markstrike-y1g]

Granted this is the same Reddit sub that is famous for being biased towards women.

[@user-mv5zt8qd9l]

​@@markstrike-y1g Reddit is literally designed for people to set up and subscribe to echo chambers. It's literally the nature of the website that people either express one of two extreme perspectives on an issue.

[@jaba9960]

As a guy, I really don't get the first one. Why did he even ask for help in the first place? Why couldn't he do this on his own? How big these gifts were? How many of them there was? And even if their number required multi trips, how big their house is? Did he really need her help with this task? If it was me, I would take the first load on my way out, dealt with stuff I don't like (errands) and finished with gifts distribution after we get back at home. Maybe have some fun with wifey while deciding the final placement of gifts under/around tree. As for her comment about opening door behaviour, it's clearly not her entitlement speaking. It just became part of their daily routine, one of many small things they do to ensure other site that they still care. And him changing it definitely shifted balance. I'm afraid, there might be some other underling issue affecting husband's behaviour.

[@hals999]

Story 1 i am siding ng with her slightly on this. Because how is she able to control that? He always does things when she asks him. You know, like that's kind of on him to take accountability and also speak app for himself when he's not able to do something, and that there's times where they both can compromise that way. I don't think he should blame her for feeling resentful. That he goes above and beyond even when he doesn't want to according to him.

[@sashakononova8968]

The commenters acting as though an eight hour shift is easy unless you're a manual worker is so funny. Some of the most difficult jobs are not manual labor. From healthcare to academia to any customer service job which typically involves stressful customer interactions, especially around holidays

[@quinnmiller7427]

With the first story, I don't think Reddit men understand that when they are with a partner especially a female partner and in particular if they live with that partner they come to expect things from them as well. It's really telling when these Reddit men who are defending the husband by saying that she's the bad guy for wanting something she's come to expect (even though that's not what it's about) also expect their girlfriends, mom's, live in partners, or the other women in their life to do anything for them especially female partners that they live with. I've come to expect that if my husband gets up before me he kisses me on the forehead even when we're fighting he still does that because he knows that that genuine act of love makes me feel secure that he's not going to leave me because of the fight. And I do the same thing for him if I wake up earlier than him. Expectations aren't bad, these Reddit men just don't understand that expectations are a part of any relationship regardless of the genders of the people involved, and not having those expectations if they were met previously for what was probably years on end, it's really hard when those things change and if that expectation isn't going to be met

[@avesatanae]

I cannot tell you how much i loathe the "battle of the sexes" part of the culture war. Both sides are worse than people who kick puppies.

[@silvana1651]

Rachel, as a fellow animal lover, i would be curious to hear your thoughts on the r/dogfree subreddit. I recently discovered it by accident and I'm just at a loss for words lol

[@elizabethj4450]

It definitely has some extremists. But it also feels like a really safe place sometimes to share space with other people who don't like dogs. In a world where people will say with a straight face that they can't trust somebody who doesn't like dogs, that's much needed. I feel like Rachel is 400% the person with both compassion and critical thinking skills who can manage the nuance of that discussion

[@silvana1651]

@elizabethj4450 agreed

[@SophieRoseLive]

@@elizabethj4450 there's literally only extremists on dogfree

[@suchitalvarez2677]

never been this early lol, hi rachel, havent seen the video but im sure its as good as usual

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

Video idea: Christian science