When narcissists HARM YOU and then expect a HUG...

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@sushmayen]

After tearing you apart they pretend as if nothing happened and sleep peacefully. And you're left devastated..

[@Greenawareness188]

Then it starts all over again . Dumping their uncomfortable emotions gives them immediate relief .

[@kimberlychristine9284]

I feel that 😔

[@tarao4382]

💯💯💯💯

[@JesusisLord153]

Omg! Yes!!!

[@johnroper204]

Could not agree more. Spot on.

[@georjeanknapp1171]

My favorites are “you’re too sensitive. You let things bother you too much. You know I love you.”

[@lalani888blue]

They make you feel like you have to 'ask' to be loved. If you actually ask them if they do love you they turn it into a game. They won't directly answer the question. It's just an opportunity for them to mess with your head and emotions. You walk away from that still wondering if they love you. You get the weird, fake hug and it feels 'yes' like you're being violated. Truly sick. Often they will answer a question literally with the 'smirk'. The 'grin'. Totally gross.

[@rileyhoffman6629]

No shit!!!

[@spacegirl226]

"Of course I love you! I'm here, aren't I?"

[@Steveincorp]

"I said I was sorry." Then continues the same behavior.

[@morningsareforcoffee1211]

Mine said he never told me how he made “ a few small financial mistakes” ie meaning he had stolen all my retirement money, let the house go into foreclosure and run up all our credit cards because “ You just don’t like to hear bad news”. EVIL. Only solution is to get far away from people like this.

[@shiny7301]

They insult you, yell you, cheat you, hurt you and then continue to behave as if nothing happened. After all this chaos, drama and tantrum they continue to demand you love, hug and trust themselves shamelessly. Thanks Dr.Ramani❤

[@Ailieorz]

Yep! You're such a 'cherished friend' to people in public but they haven't spoken a word to you since you disagreed with them)

[@sundancer7381]

Crazy!

[@olyabrenner3590]

And manage to blame you and bring up past arguments convincing you you’re horrible and ruined everything for them with a few nice compliments 💩 “ sprinkled on like trash

[@deebee4622]

Hugging a narcissist, especially a malignant one is like hugging a poisonous snake.

[@Verena101]

Yes

[@penelopephelange]

And I’m fully here for it 💅

[@jasielunzueta5391]

Hugging a covert narcissist feels like huggin a corpse. No emotion, lifeless, empty.

[@LifeinUs44]

It's ASTOUNDING how so MANY of us are falling victim to the behavior and actions of the Narcissist ; all the while we are left traumatized, uncertain, and our Souls SHATTERED!

[@keithwittman4741]

Empathetic, healthy people feel sorry for their actions and the hurt they may have caused someone. 😢❤

[@cookiemama4]

​@@keithwittman4741 And we seek to make it right..

[@RachelAnn27]

And after 30 years of this, he can’t understand why I can no longer be intimate, or the audacity of me want to retire from this and move on. He wants to date and have online relationships but expects me to stay until he finds my replacement but is having trouble finding anyone with as much self-sacrificing empathy. I never did understand why after these events I walk around verbally repeating “I hate myself.” The hug and trauma bond happens, and I have no right to ever be angry or set boundaries. Life goes right back to “normal,” but I am just left with this feeling of absolute self loathing. And then as we come out of this trap, we inevitably hate ourselves more for being so unbelievably stupid.

[@cookiemama4]

@@RachelAnn27 You weren't ever stupid, Rachel! Everyone here fell for the love bombing initially, then tried to deal with the aftermath, with confusion, then the whole thing of, maybe I can be a better wife. That will help. Because we have a hard time believing this man could be doing these things on purpose. If you're able to leave, even at this late date, I would do that. The peace you would have is unbelievable! If at all possible, make him find his "other" when you're gone. There would be feelings of nostalgia because it's what you're familiar with, but if you're gone, stay gone and pamper yourself! You really deserve it! Take care of you.. 💕

[@leannwiederanders1844]

❤️please know so many others love you waaay more than than these a**holes could ever attempt to prove otherwise! Love & Joy are “inside jobs” ❤ - Recovering one step at a time

[@lt827]

Thanks for explaining how having a tantrum helps the narcissist regulate. I never realized it makes them feel powerful.

[@specialtwice4975]

Had a narcissistic customer at my work. Basically, I couldn't serve him/do what he wanted (manager said no), and he just stood there like, "Okay, and...? When is what I want gonna happen?" So I told him, again, "I'm sorry sir, it's not possible." And he just stood there, like it was going to happen, like he was the king. This went on and on, again and again, until I burst into tears from frustration and annoyance. He was like "oh what, so ur crying now? Boohoo." (in a mock tone) and then he smiled. You could see him making me cry/upset made him happy. They are sick people.

[@lt827]

@@specialtwice4975 Me too. When I realized my ex got pleasure out of upsetting me, I had to do radical acceptance all over again.

[@Steveincorp]

I swear, they want to see how many times we forgive them when they say sorry until we finally had enough. Then when we had enough they get other people to abuse you and call you crazy to cement their final act. I should be flattered.

[@elipotter369]

I had a friend stomp her feet like a two year old & BELLOW at me like a bull in an airport. With an airport staff member looking on, which I felt somewhat embarrassed about. She was mid 60s at the time! Honestly, I would have just walked off and never see her again- except I had a pile of my stuff at her house and that pile included my 1960s vintage childhood teddy bear, so I didn't want to upset her any further. After that horrible and ridiculous stomping and bellowing (and other very inappropriate stuff), she seemed capable of doing more damage.

[@clogs4956]

@@elipotter369I had a friend who once, angry at me for some perceived slight, stormed off to her car and drove away, leaving me stranded in a small Cornish village while on holiday, miles from our let and hundreds of miles from home. I waited…. Sure enough, she came back to find me because this was the era of roadmaps and she couldn’t read one. She expected me to apologise, hug her and rescue her!

[@rubberbiscuit99]

This behavior, in which they expect the target of abuse to "forgive and forget" without an authentic apology, is more evidence of their lack of empathy and whole object relations. These folks are not capable of perceiving another person aa fully human. Maybe it is because they are so cut off from their authentic selves. But no matter the root of this behavior, it is deeply disrespectful, entitled, and dehumanizing.

[@realhealing7802]

Being trauma bonded to a narcissist will destroy you. I had to go no contact to save myself.

[@blanketeyblank5309]

GOOD 4 U !!!!

[@TimetoWonder222]

Same. I don't ever want to see him again.

[@peacerun]

After the hug she says “I love you very much.” And it feels so awful I could almost puke on the spot. But I just try to get away as soon as possible without causing problems.

[@eagleeye2300]

They don't, because they literally have NO ability to love. They are jealous, lying, destructive energy vampires who actually want to disable people who have tried to love them. The worst of the worst. Do NOT try to make sense of their behavior...It will drive you mad. You cannot have a discussion with them, forget it. They will destroy your mind and break your Spirit. Do NOT engage.

[@honesttraitorbear3527]

Yep, it got to the point my dad could feel my revulsion even though reactions weren't allowed, least of all crying. Only made him double down though. It's mindblowing the power trips these filth indulge in.

[@maevebutler4641]

@honesttraito I could puke on the spot just remembering that I once lived through that type of appalling behaviour!

[@Steveincorp]

I refuse to have my family members, or anyone, touch me because it makes me physically ill. I can see the sludge around them.

[@maggietrek69]

This describes my life for 34 years. After he was done “getting the pus out” as he would say he would exclaim “well, I feel better now!”. The thought of even touching him made me physically ill. He would even ask for a handshake sometimes if he knew asking for a hug or even sex was out of the question. Seriously! He enjoyed watching my discomfort and would then say I was the one with the problem.

[@theresesilvawalker8407]

It is exactly like they are popping a big emotional zit.

[@j.t.1086]

It's sadism they're feeding off your discomfort

[@Victoria-c4n]

They always say “YOU ARE THE PROBLEM”…

[@rachelshowers7209]

I am sorry you have been dealing with this for so long. I am in it 34 years as well. My eyes were opened in 2023 when he moved me away from my support system and failed to keep the promises that got me to move. I broke and nearly took my life. Thank God for a wonderful woman who recognized I was in trouble and took me to get help. Please take care of yourself. Seek help if you can. Sending love and best wishes.

[@maggietrek69]

@@rachelshowers7209 Oh, I’m out. I left at the end of 2022. Divorced now over a year. I will be healing for a long time though. We live in the same town and I see him regularly so it’s difficult. I have a support system, though, so I’m very grateful that he didn’t move me away from that. He had his own way of isolating me over the course of our marriage which was pretty effective, though. I’m building a life for myself free of him and I’ve never been happier.

[@p.w.352]

One I know doesn't do the hug, but they get giggly and cutesty. It's a combination of a high from being fed, an attempt to charm their victim. It's icky

[@youngblood8540]

It's bad enough that they don't and won't apologize but if they do, their "I'm sorry" doesn't deserve an "it's ok".

[@Greenawareness188]

I m sorry doesn't work if they repeat their bad behavior .

[@theresesilvawalker8407]

Oh I am sorry you feel the need to be upset and offended.

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

​@@theresesilvawalker8407 or the, I'm sorry IF I upset you & I didn't mean to upset you. You sure as hell did mean to upset me & I'm not crying just to manipulate you!! So sick & twisted!!

[@jumpinjohnnyruss]

It's a test. They create a reason to apologize and then they exact your forgiveness to prove to you both that they control you. This push and pull is emotional rape.

[@lesleyelalami2562]

The one that abused me said 'I've made a mistake....' and then went on for about half an hour about who he was involved with!!!! So basically he side-stepped, surprise surprise!! Not interested..... no apology, no sensitivity, no compassion, no empathy, no insight, no explanation..... no thanks!

[@denisebrooks7630]

I can't believe how sick I feel after listening to this. I guess my body DID keep the score.

[@jenmonroe712]

I had no idea until I asked for a divorce what a narcissist my cheating husband is. Good riddance to him and his girlfriend. I feel so stupid.

[@VeganLife-mn1jp]

@jenmonroe712 So glad you divorced him rather than allow yourself to be used as a doormat. He will cheat on her too! Give it time. Cheaters don’t change. And you will be living your best life without that anchor holding you down!

[@MENTALHEALTHWITHLUKE]

Was thinking the same. Everything about is sick. They're sick, they make you sick and the behaviour is sick.

[@sakura-i9o]

I left him three years ago after 30 years of marriage. Until I saw this video, I had always believed that I was too narrow-minded to forgive. But after watching the video and seeing many people's comments, I learned that it is normal not to want to be hugged by someone after being verbally abused. My ex-husband used to say. "I vent by yelling at you and then forget about it immediately, but you hold onto it and won't forgive me." " I am angry at you not because I don't love you but because I don't like what you do. But you don't love me unconditionally, which is why you will always hold a grudge." "I'm angry because you keep your distance from me when a hug would make me less angry. " He always wanted sex after the conflict. I had to give in so I could have a brief moment of peace. If I did not, my ex's silent treatment would continue for many more days. Thank you Dr. Ramani and all. Finally, I knew the sensations and humiliation I felt those days were not abnormal.

[@kathleen3292]

This happened to me as well.

[@amumother1456]

Wow the accuracy of this. Its so accurate. Are you sure you were not in a relationship with my husband ? I’m trying to leave but it’s so hard 😭

[@peacerun]

For years my Mom told the rest of the family that I don’t like to be hugged. The truth is I didn’t like to be hugged by her but they all believed her and nobody hugs me, which, at this point, is fine. I’m close to no contact.

[@t_nels]

I didn't like my back touched, period.

[@Byebandit50]

I’ve been no contact for at least a year and a half going down two years. My uncle unfortunately passed away this morning. I’m staying away & the supportive family members totally understand .

[@t_nels]

@@Byebandit50 I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️‍🩹

[@dnwitte]

When I refused hugs I got called "a withholding bitch". The truth is I just found the person gross.

[@cls2670]

My mom did the same. As a child I was often told to remove my clothing and whipped (disciplined) with an electrical extention cord because "spare the rod" . . blah blah blah. Afterward she'd tell me that holding anger in my heart was a sin and she only did it because she loved me and forced me to hug her to prove I was not angry. She claimed I would understand better when I became a mother. It became crystal clear to me as a mom that I could never do that to my child or anyone else.

[@youngblood8540]

Narcissists are people that come into your LIFE to show you what LOVE is, not.

[@daykibaran9668]

Or other way around you came into their life and they wanted to show what love is not

[@MIMIDSH]

The one I briefly dated certainly made me securely solidify my boundaries after being out of the dating world for 20 years.

[@nyamuochpaul4279]

And how to let go because it's so tough

[@lanaflumiani9661]

Absolutely agree. Coming out of a horrendous relationship with a covert nac. I'm thankful for this experience as I have definitely sharpened my antena to detect subtle manipulation and guilt tripping. If some approaches me and shows just a slight narcissistic disrespect, I don't lose a second to entertain them. I know exactly how to spot them, and don't feel like I have to go out to save anyone who can't put effort to help themsleves first.

[@evoz4489]

They most definitely show us how to love ourselves better

[@S-nyc]

I use to think my narcissistic ex was bipolar (before I found Dr. Ramani) because he could go from "normal" to raging about his dad putting too much salt on a dish (which caused him to throw a tantrum, throwing the entire dish out with the plate, cursing at his dad, kicking furniture, etc) then 5 mins later he would act like nothing happened and ask me if I want to go out for ice cream. Total psycho behavior. Major red flags I look out for now.

[@Verena101]

Haha sounds like my mother and father. Both we're Like that. Luckily I am not like them. But suffered a lot through it. And have to learn that to have boundaries, is OK. And that I am allowed to say No, when I mean No and stick to it. And that I don't play their games anymore.

[@gertrudewest4535]

And this is, I think, why both of my parents actively hated me. As even a small child, I think they knew I thought something was wrong with them.

[@JennyPennyLane]

Same here. And you knowing and being smarter or better than them in any way is their worst nightmare. Cause they lose their imaginary control over you and you can get away and move on - be happy and free. I'm at the end of a sadistic plot by all of my family and relatives, they have turned on me and let the mask fall one by one. They are all covert narc pedophiles with delicate egos who loves violence and I don't know if I will live or die. They are full of malice and hold onto me like leeches, sucking me dry and making as much damage they can possibly get away with.

[@smithavellanky3813]

The term “Adult pacifier” is so very perfect! That’s exactly what I’ve been for years until I finally put up my boundaries!

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

Wow, its like you're a fly on the wall in my house! What's even worse than wanting a hug is their desire to be intimate after treating me like an emotional trash can, then getting angry all over again when I don't want to even be touched after all that. Then I'm the one with the problems, unforgiving, resentful & frigid. Looking forward to the new book!!

[@Indyghurl]

My ex was the same too

[@neestovekin8251]

I'm so so sorry. It is so disintegrating and violating. I hope you are able to make your way out. Sending inner resilience and love/ self-worth ❤️

[@debneys7189]

These videos help so VERY MUCH in knowing I’m not alone.. I’m getting ‘educated’ (I didn’t know such a thing as narcissism even existed sadly).. wouldn’t wish the experience on ANYONE Yes.. Dr Ramini is like a fly on the wall!

[@kaitlincox9714]

It is exhausting. The acting as if nothing ever happened has always driven me nuts.

[@lindaodstrcil9750]

Yes...he said i was dead inside

[@sunnydaye5942]

Mother grabbed me by the arm and pushed me when I was 10 yrs old standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, she pulled me back when my dad and brother walked up and she yelled at me not to get to close to the edge. She grinned and whispered, "I can take you out." It was then I realized I really was never going to be safe with her. Not the only time she pulled this kind of thing on me. I will never forget that evil grin she gets when she's done it.

[@beverlypawsat6529]

I'm so sorry.

[@marygavin3203]

I hope you don't still have her in your life anymore

[@gailolson8255]

I believe you! Such evil ...😢

[@1k.pls.]

Omg 😢

[@gobigirl1]

That is horrifying. I hope you found sane kind friends later on in life to rebuild your trust that people can be safe.

[@ronniebennet9413]

my childhood was filled with yelling, rage, invalidation, gaslighting, and emotional incest from my mom. and with every incident she expected me to kiss and make up and never mention it again. when I was 17 she ruined my life by blaming me for her separation with my dad, even though the reality was she was caught cheating on dad, by me. she verbally abused the hell out of me for something she needed to take accountability for. she told me verbatim she would make my life a living hell, and she was very correct. I was so depressed and didnt want to live anymore for years after. 10 years have passed now and she acts like we’re best buds, but she never truly apologized for anything and acts like nothing has ever been wrong between us. she acts so sweet with me now but im just waiting for the last shoe to drop. I want a happy, healthy relationship with my mom more than anything in the world, but im never gonna get it, and im devastated about that. its been 10 years but it feels like it happened yesterday, and I just cant ever let it go. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your videos. I feel so validated because of you. ❤️

[@NO-ib1ip]

It is very difficult mourning a lost childhood. Realising as an adult child that now you have to properly parent yourself because your parents never did it. But it is possible and actually, most people are fully capable of doing a far better job ! My mother was / is vile. A very dysfunctional covert narcissist. I have very limited contact with her now. It took me a very long time to realise what was going on - this channel actually helped me put all the pieces together !! So yes, I get it. I too live without that genuine, authentic, healthy mother - daughter relationship. It’s sad. But honestly - now that I see what she’s like and knowing I’ve chosen guilt (which I’m learning to manage through therapy) over resentment (which would’ve grown by turning a blind eye or tolerating her selfish bullshit) I feel better every single day. So I hope you find your way to your happiness - without her - because it is possible 🌺🌸❤️

[@robshorts]

They always turn it back on you. Even if it makes no sense. But then confusion and inconsistency is one of the narcissists many tools.

[@peacerun]

YES! I’m her “adult pacifier” - BRILLIANT. Sorry for so many comments today but this one his home for me SO MUCH

[@cymbolichuman433]

Yeah...like they want your forgiveness...I hate being touched by them.

[@pagie2467]

LOL. True. Narc misplaced documents. Blamed me. Said I was messy and always move things on purpose. They found the document (where they left it) and then said casually are you ready to go with a smile and a grope. In the past that would have frustrated me. All I said was "Nope wasn't me". I let them run around screaming and didn't help them look. When they said they were ready to go I said "ok" and smiled back. They don't know what to do if you don't play along or respond.

[@cocogomez2278]

The title caught my eye because this happened to me yesterday. My 85-year-old stepmom offered to water my three plants while I was out of town for a month. I brought them to her house. She then through a fit and told my dad, her husband (with dementia), he was in charge of watering. When i got back, a thriving 3 foot peace lilly had all its leaves touching the ground dying. This plant was a gift and my favorite, like my baby. Instead of apologizing, or sending me a photo while i was gone asking "what should we do?" she found pleasure in seeing me suffer. I think her goal was for me to get upset with my dad. Anyhow, she proceeded to come up to me and give me a welcome home hug. Evil.

[@lasphynge8001]

My father's special move was suddenly wanting a family picture of us smiling and cuddling, after yelling at us what a disappointment we were at the top of his lungs for like half an hour...the awkward family pictures with red, wet eyes and forced smiles and him being the only one looking fresh and smily in the middle still exist somewhere in a storage box. Already as a child it made me angry, and the beginning of my teenager rebellion was refusing to be in those shots at all. Like, what makes you think you can cheer me up from the harm you inflicted on me (of course without even apologizing or acknowledging it), and what makes you think forcing me to smile with social pressure and the threat of being seen and captured makes anything "better"...

[@sarahhale-pearson533]

Oh god. That’s exactly what my kids and me go the with my husband. All those years of photos I can’t bear to look at, because of the expressions in our eyes. I thought I was alone in that for so long. They use it as a weapon.

[@sallyfrost5002]

Yup I went through this with my narcissistic ex. He'd spend hours on end screaming and shreiking at me (often breaking stuff in his rages) and refuse to say sorry afterwards. Then once he was done I was expected to smile and act romantic and sweet as pie. If I didn't start acting overjoyed immediately I was accused of being negative,oversensitive,unforgiving,unreasonable,and perfectionistic. These moments were later brought up and used as evidence that I was the problem in the relationship. However the worst part of all of this for me was that if I tried to fake happiness and be "positive" in order to not get yelled at some more I would get yelled at because I'm sooo mean for failing to appreciate what a" bleephole" his life is and it's sooo unfair that I can be happy when he's having such a rotten time. So if I'm miserable being yelled at I have toxic negativity and if I smile, laugh and play the cheerleader I have toxic positivity. Healthy relationships are impossible under such no win scenarios! If you can get out now and run! Your mental health is precious!

[@nilaja-itsmylife]

My ex used to do this. He would betray, insult, argue, then want to hold my hand. If I refused, it was a new fight 😖😭

[@terisalund3367]

It’s not always as extreme as rage. Sometimes it’s calm arrogance. And if you push back at all you pay for it. Maybe later with calm arrogant proclamations. “Since you did “this” I will now do what I want with no comments from you.” Or you get the silent treatment. Never ever ever is there self reflection let alone an apology. They will go on as if nothing. Or out of the blue give you a hug. I realize now that it’s just compliance training. Go along to get along. It’s their world and your here to make it easier for them.

[@rebeccamay6420]

"Compliance"! -- I used that word recently to describe the actual desired effect wherein "respect" would be a mere pseudonym. And if you're following this channel, you can easily guess what happened next. 😉

[@bitchplease1928]

woow last sentence is so on point!

[@happym3008]

That was the day I left him Once I saw that clear I was like wait why is he hugging me A minute a go he threw all the stuff on the door and yelled I left Blocked Got my life back Or more clear. Got my heart and gentle soul Back This is insanity

[@Terri-Now]

It really is! I've just got the courage to leave him.. Moved over 300 miles away and he still calls me! I called the DA .. he's relentless and crazy as aboonjug!

[@marcialockhart890]

You just described my relationship exactly, 100%! I would be trembling after his tirade! Seconds later, he would ask or comment like nothing had happened! At that point, I went to my favorite room! Finally, after 44 years of this, I left him this last September! He was in the bedroom weeping with his stepsister. I felt nothing! I feel lost right now, my therapist says it can take a while to find my footing. He ruined the 20 yr old person I was and NEVER will see again!

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

Time is a great healer And you will once again find yourself

[@Indyghurl]

Well done in leaving him. Once we no longer care about them, feel absolutely nothing, that's when we're done with the relationship. It took real strength to do that, strength you've always had, cos it takes strength to put up with their toxic behaviour for so long. Be kind to yourself, ive read so many books over the past 6 years, watched many you tune videos, Dr.Ramani has definitely been instrumental in my healing process. I found whenever I did something to move closer to applying for a divorce that I'd end up in bed for weeks at a time. The more I was taking back control, the more sick I felt. I don't feel like that anymore. Me ex passed away last year and that's been a whole other mind f..k. I feel that was always going to happen, was the only way that would stop him stalking and trying anything for contact. Best wishes to you, 💜 it doesn't matter how long it takes to leave them, we are now free and I'd rather be on my own with none of the chaos and drama, than be living in fear of the next outbursts.

[@gobigirl1]

After 44 years of the awfulness, andcthe pretending in public that it was all normal, it will take some time to get your full authentic self back, but it will happen!

[@dorimasters]

This was the marriage I left 20 years ago. I had no explanation at the time. Every one of your videos is a replay of what I went through for 4 years.

[@morningsareforcoffee1211]

This is so true! Happened to me and my mouth just dropped open. Telling me he had literally just destroyed our lives and our children’s in every way and I was crying, devastated he said “Can I give you a hug?” They are so clueless. I am so glad to know the truth now and that he is gone.

[@sheilawebb9746]

This used to happen a lot, & it made me feel such a gross feeling. I finally said, "i really don't feel comfortable with physical touch when I'm still processing all this you just did to me." It felt like i was being forced to forgive before processing what had just happened, & it made me feel sick. So he stopped. Now he does other passive aggressive things to make me feel his anger. With the keys, he didn't usually think i moved them, but he still thought that any time he loses something, everyone in the room, especially me, better drop what they're doing & search until it's found.

[@roseorosco154]

Yes Dr Ramani you are spot on with your video. I went through this in my 29 year marriage, I have been divorced for 4 years and every day is a reminder of how my ex always blamed me for his affair and his bad treatment to our adult children and me. I was by his standards a grudgingly, lazy, I didn’t know how to speak and make sense, I was fat and I turned his adult children against him. Just a couple of reasons why he blames me for our children not wanting him in their lives. My son didn’t have the physical appearance of all American athlete and was his scapegoat. My daughter was his favorite and his princess and was going to be a medical doctor, but because of a traumatic experience that came out when she was in college, she went from a 4.0 gpa to 2.5. Then we didn’t meet his high expectations of a perfect family. This is when his narcissistic personality came out full force. He called our daughter a piece of shit and threatened to kick our son out of the house. I remember being a water park with his extended family and he asked me to go in to the pool with him. Out of the blue while we were in the pool, he said to me he didn’t love me anymore. Ready for the cherry on top. He is chewing gum and tells me to get close to him and give him a kiss and of course I am in shock and frozen not just physically but mentally, but I do what he asked and in the kiss he transferred his gum into my mouth 🤢🤮….I wanted to die. Thank you doctor for bringing awareness of narcissism to the victims and other mental health professionals 🙏🏼🌟🌹😊. P.S. my son is a mechanic and manager for Tesla and my daughter has 2 more years to get her PhD in science and a masters in computer programming.

[@gobigirl1]

I'm so glad you finally left, I've seen so many sweet people just put up with that poison for their whole lives. I'm so glad your children are doing well also.

[@VeganLife-mn1jp]

Oh my goodness @roseorosco154 that story of what happened in the pool at the water park is beyond horrifying. Unbelievable. I thought the cherry on top would be that he then kissed you after he said he didn’t love you, but what he did was some twisted evil sh-. Who would even think to do that? I am so sorry and it is great that you are gone, and your kids sounds like they have great judgment for not wanting relationship with that sleaze. A man who calls his daughter a piece of sh- doesn’t deserve to be a father. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your wonderful kids and it is so much better than he is out of your lives. And he will cheat on and emotionally abuse his new girlfriends too.

[@jacklynwardlow]

Spot on!! I am 57 years old and my emotional abuser left me right before Christmas 2023 and he is still trying to come back into my home with all the tactics you mentioned in your videos… Thank you for being you!

[@hestercastlemansa2976]

Yes. Same. I left November 2023. I'm 54. He cheated and was caught out. Now he says "they" blew it out of proportion. Now he's trying to lure me back and looses his temper everytime I say no, it's over. I am being the unreasonable one again!

[@hestercastlemansa2976]

Yes. I couldn't stand him touching me anymore and then I became the one withholding affection. I'm not a yoyo, idiot!

[@jacklynwardlow]

@@hestercastlemansa2976 Stay strong and hold your ground!!! ❤️ this is going to be a beautiful year with him out of your life more and more often throughout these months… Spring is just around the corner and with that comes new life! 💫 Mine likes to flip out too, and then this last time asked me if I want to go out on a date in the next breath. I said NO, now see if this sounds familiar -he says “ Sorry for being nice…” and again gets mad and resorts to more child like tactics in a full grown man, laying in on me about how mean, cold, and uncaring I am… I’d rather be cold and shoot myself in the foot, then ever ever allow him to be close to me ever again… Did I say what a beautiful year this is? Being that it is the beginning of a new year, this is my mantra. it is going to be an amazing freaking year!!! I am going to make it so, and so are you… 🥰

[@Tigerlily75-b3o]

Growing up I sometimes felt really icky when my narcissistic parent hugged me. I could never figure out why and thought there was something wrong with me for feeling that way. I finally understand why.

[@jj1985vid]

As a young child (9-10 years old), I distinctly remember describing my covert, malignant narcissistic mother to an adult neighbor as "my best friend and my worst enemy all in one". Ugh, if only bells went off in my neighbor's head hearing that description...

[@BlondPastelQueen]

Spot on! They just expect us to follow their moods and time frames

[@Kadir_1990]

They harm you in front of you and behind you're back and than they hug you pretending everything is okay, and even if they don't harm you behind you're back or in front of you they just want to Hug you to drain your energy and make it their own.

[@jds0981]

"They regulate by conflict." It's just that simple.

[@GypsySparkle]

Thank you for these. These videos give me strength. After my Narc's latest rampage last week he's been sending me texts, videos and trying to use humor to reel me back in after his last blow up. I'm expected to fall in line, act as if nothing happened and go along to get along. I'm exhausted . Couldn't even move this morning after supressing all my anger, emotion, as it's affecting my health. My Body and Mind crave rest from these harmful patterns of his constant rages over perceived slights where I am constantly defending myself for nothing. It takes its toll. These vids have been life saving.

[@delializarraga9638]

@GypsySparkle Keep searching. Knowledge is power. Especially in this realm of relationships and psychology. I have learned so much even at age 63. I never knew there was such evil out there until I married a covert, narcissist, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder man. He was handsome, high functioning, successful, well read, and educated. I was completely duped, but slowly he revealed himself. It took 15 years of my life to figure out through therapy with, and without him what the problem was. I learned to own my part in allowing him to continue in the bad behavior for so long. Learn from my cautionary tale. Move on dear one, as quickly as possible.

[@debimcneil]

"Expected to" that's so true. It's a dance, isn't it? They do this, then you do that, then, and so on! Go get your rest, friend!

[@GypsySparkle]

@@debimcneil ♥️

[@krysodell]

I just locked myself in my room after going through this exact scenario. The assurance at the end of the video that I’m not crazy really helped. Living with them is hell.

[@s.s.8029]

Sad, but spot on. My husband did this to me because it is what was done to him and his siblings growing up, so to them, it was normal. Nothing was ever dealt with and the cycle continues to this day, but not quite as bad as it used to be, but problems still haven't been dealt with. I have gone low/no contact simply to save my sanity. I never realized how much I pacified my husband after one of his "tantrums" until I stopped doing it. It was freeing. Thank you for sharing this video.

[@BL-sd2qw]

I once had a psychiatrist that did this to me. I was starting to act more independently and my abusive family went flipping crazy. It was so crazy that I started recording the conversations for proof and asked the psychiatrist for help. He shouted at me to not leave the room, asked for my parents to come, physically prevented me from leaving the room, talked to my parents about how I was crazy as if I wasn't there in the room with them, crying. Then, after I told him that he was a "bad psychiatrist" (that's all that my fawning allowed me to say), he told me that I had to choose between going to a daycare center or get forcibly hospitalized (I wasn't a threat to anyone, nor did I have any history of self-harm, suicidality or aggressiveness towards others). After all of that, he wanted to shake my hand. I was baffled and terrified by what I was seeing.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Thank you so so much for highlighting this! I find that combo far to common, even if the tantrum is silent rage, passive aggressive, or just avoidance and dismissive behaviors. Any bid for physical affection when disconnected is highly problematic, especially to those who were raised with this kinda hot and cold all the time with no repair at all or no room for their own feelings and desires and needs to matter. Violated, yes! Thank you for using that word. I've had it happen from a side hug in public to save face after the harmful thing happened in the car, all the way up to what I now realize is sexual abuse or assault. But after decades of this kinda behavior since birth, it's really hard to discern in the moment and being conditioned that any refusal of any bid for connection is you being cold and unforgiving and unrighteous, it functions like coersive control of your an adult who still can't say no to sexual advances in these situations, even tho you feel sick and violated at the thought of even a hug.

[@yasminewells8045]

So true, I remember once my dad was super pissed off and screaming at me for gaining weight (which was quite normal since I had stopped training gymnastics 22 hours a week). Then when I went up to my room he followed me and told me "you used to be something special but now that you're not a gymnast anymore you're nothing and it's hard to look at you". I burst into tears (because any 16-year-old would) then he tried to hug me and comfort me but I pushed him away. He got angry and told me I needed to stop being selfish and understand everything from his perspective, and how my weight gain hurts him so much because I apparently could never get married looking the way I did (keep in mind I was still only 115lbs at 5' 2") and how was I supposed to "pop out grandkids" for him if I did not get married because I was apparently so ugly. It was so freaking confusing to say the least.

[@idkwhodos2840]

That's just awful, I'm so sorry ❤

[@VeganLife-mn1jp]

This is heart breaking. I am so sorry that he said those horrific things. You didn’t deserve that at all. Total narcissist only caring about himself and his image and teaching you, his impressionable teen daughter, a terrible lesson that your only value is your appearance. And making everything about him. Extreme emotional abuse.

[@TimetoWonder222]

My mom used to chain the refrigerator shut and padlock it. She always told me I'd never find a man. I found several along the way but they were narcissists. They were familiar so I thought it was love. I didn't date for 20 years but when I tried he was the worst of all. He boot-stomped my heart then hugged me and told me he loved me. Incredibly confusing and hurtful but sent me looking for answers due to cognitive dissonance until I found Dr. Ramani and finally learned what he was. Had a nervous breakdown from it. My body has definitely kept the score for 50 years but now I know and am healing from all of them. I'm no contact after the trauma bond and glad I'll never see him again. No contact with the others as well. I had collected them like charms on a bracelet my whole life, hoping for love.

[@jessienegron3266]

All u speak is gold! I LOVE U WOMAN!!!

[@chikajok]

My toddler is exactly 53! This is exactly what I needed today and so many other days. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! You really get this.

[@brandonoreilleybarnes2517]

Your videos have saved the last of what I have left of myself and I thank you greatly for going to such a dark place to save us all from this confusing behaviour 🙏🏻

[@Onafarmlovinit]

Going through this currently and it’s very painful.

[@rileyhoffman6629]

Mine dismissed me when useful for him so the 'argument' was more subtle, making me feel, again and again, not good enough. Then he asks, What's your problem?

[@kellyyork3898]

My narcissistic mom used to spank me with a belt for nothing. I was never a bad kid. Then, she would come back into my bedroom that she banished me to, insist that I “get over it” and then tickle me mercilessly until I was crying even more. Talk about boundary crossing. Later, in her old age, as her mind was going at times, she would talk about how she HATED being tickled.

[@XaaraSJilani]

Love your videos! You say what we all are thinking. My mother blocks my way (no exaggeration) for a hug. It's the most uncomfortable experience. Both my parents are narcissists. I moved a few months ago and when parents asked, I told them that they can come over when I invite them. They were furious because my boundaries mean nothing to them. They sent flying monkeys after flying monkeys and I still wouldn't give them my address. A couple of days ago, dad called my brother and asked him for my address. My brother is the only person left in my family who I still talk to. I was angry! I called my dad and of course he denied asking my brother and then he says "we, your parents are old now. Your mom can't even drive to your new place anyway because she'd get lost" My mom, travels internationally every year. Funny she doesn't get lost in another country but can get lost in the same city she's lived in for over 20 years. The point is, they can't speak the truth and they HAVE to victimize themselves. So anyway, now my parents are mad at my brother for telling me about them asking for my address 😂

[@1948rambo]

As I learn more about this… I recognize it when I see it! And see how many people have adjusted to it too!

[@francesbernard2445]

I wonder if people who have adjusted to it while behaving like flying monkeys over a long period of time with treatment can recover who they are at their core. Probable they can after around 2 years of intensive mental health treatment given how most veterans who have experienced severe trauma can recover too. A near perfect example of how to cope with having to coparent with a narcissist was the life of Saint Monica and her son Saint Augustine of Hippo. None of us should feel contemptuous towards ourselves only because we have not lived up to that same example on how to earn respect.

[@MayaRoy-u2z]

yup - and then the refusal of a hug (due to good therapy) leads to the rage ....

[@Reelunique]

It’s like you’re talking directly to me about the situation I was in. He ended up getting arrested for reasons I won’t mention. I knew the signs and I’m just blessed finally be free after feeling like all doors were closed. When you see your exit take it and NEVER LOOK BACK.

[@dnwitte]

I went no contact in 2012, and my narc died a year and a half ago. And yet, I'm still triggered when I watch your videos. It's like you were RIGHT THERE the whole time!

[@kathleenbolton-schmukler5727]

Every time I feel guilty about going no contact with my mom, I watch your videos and they are so healing and validating. You’re a legend and a lifesaver, Dr. Ramani ❤

[@qt2shooz]

Yes, it feels so intrusive and violating. 'I just dumped all over you. Now let me hug you.' Thank you for identifying that this is a thing. I felt guilty for not liking those hugs.

[@gibbiegibson8985]

You are STELLAR as always! Will you please do a show on domestic violence and the narcissist?

[@kimberlyhima998]

Yes! My teenage step daughter did this all the time and it was so confusing. The meanness and then almost immediately wanting to laugh and joke around and hang out or come in for a hug. I use to tell her that she does not get to decide when I was ready to forgive and move on. Then, of course, I was holding a grudge and the bad guy and why couldn't I just get over it. It was 5 minutes ago (or less) after all! It was so strange and nothing I had ever experienced before. Glad to know I am not alone.

[@RaisingMyWildflowers]

Did she grow out of it? Sometimes teens just need more time for their brains to fully develop so they can manage frustration - and I thought it could be common for them to behave narcissistically. My oldest could be abrasive as a teen (who had cptsd on top of everything), but she was struggling through quite a few things. She sincerely needed the hug after the outburst. She's 22 now and isn't a narcissist.

[@GeorgideMarne]

Multiply that with the judgment of other family members if they see these kind of scene.. and they put it back on you for not being the cool and understanding one.. 😔

[@missme3916]

Dr. Ramani, You are truly a Gift to this World and to us, the people who used to suffer in silence, who used to think it was us. You are a Light in this World, the Ultimate Healer and Teacher. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and yourself with us, the walking wounded. You give us hope and tools to heal and to one day be happy again! I just want to give you one big CYBERHUG. You are my Nobel Prize Winner and will always be!!

[@andreagrazianodibenedetto1464]

This is exactly what happened to me. Was in a 1 year relationship with a covert narcissist. Every 2-3 weeks, out of nothing she would create arguments out of thin air, accusing me of thinking, saying and doing things I have never thought, said or done. She would talk herself into illogical rages that would last HOURS, during which she would beat me up emotionally, accusing me of planning to desert her and various other crazy stuff. After these attacks I was numb, paralyzed and apathetic sometimes for 3 or more days. In the end she sabotaged her birthday holiday we had planned together by having one of these outbursts the night before the flight, beating me up emotionally because she said I didn't want to fly with her and I didn't care for her and wanted to desert her. She beat me up for more than 5 hours, oscillating between her reproaches on one hand, and on the other hand pressuring me to have sex so we could make peace. In the end I was too exhausted and injured to fly with her. She then flew alone and met her next narcissistic supply there and now is in full limerence with this person, claiming that I had broken her heart and the new person will be fixing it. Just writing this down makes me understand how crazy this whole story is. I would appreciate a short comment by anyone reading this, just for the support. Thank you.

[@danamama6766]

I honestly get that hug all the time, thought it was the truth but always knew it was not. Thank you I know I am not crazy now. hugs

[@tugsootugsjargal7548]

8 long years of my life has been like that. Hearing it in words is like allowing me to heal from that nightmare.

[@infjthoughts8861]

This is so powerful bc this talks about the intersectionality of coercion, the difficulty of identifying coercion, narcissism, and how easily it can bleed into all of the various forms of abuse.

[@honesttraitorbear3527]

Ah yes. After having my legs whipped (I don't know why it was the legs. It was more of a hassle to cover up the bruises there than the behind but I guess for more pain?) My dad would come back in the room with ointment for the welts and demand I explain why I had made him beat me, and demand an apology. Incredible man. My mom seemed to suspect that rough-housing with my brothers wasn't why I was covered in bruises, but it only amounted in not being able to play with them anymore. They divorced and I stayed loyal to the abuser, go figure. It took a while but I wised up and left as soon as I turned 18.

[@TanjaNovakovic-sh2wy]

YES!! Thank you Dr. Ramani for exposing and individually highlighting the many nuanced, multi- layered harms from a Narcissist! These are subtle and sneaky and complex that we don’t even know where to start when describing what’s so hurtful. Is the aftermath worse than the offence? They set you up to lose however you react. The only way to cope is to know the truth, know who you are, know you don’t deserve any of it, detach.

[@doireallyhavetohaveachannel]

“That toddler is three, not 53.” Exactly the age of both the major narcissists in my previous life 😂

[@AB6731]

This is a little different, but my narc mom and sister regularly talk badly about people behind their backs, but make a point of hugging those people when they encounter them. My mom flat out brags about hugging those people because it makes her feel like the "bigger" person, even when it's someone she's just slandered

[@JW-po9mb]

During an argument, my spouse yelled in my face, "don't you get it? I don't want you! Why are you here? Why don't you just leave me alone?" 20 mins later she sitting on my lap "why won't you hug me back? You're always rejecting me. You're keep hurting my feelings. Please stop hurting me," as she grabbing my arms to put around her. I was so uncomfortable I began coughing uncontrollably, yet she stayed there trying to force me hug/hold her while she has me trapped on the couch sitting and strattling my lap. Talk about trauma. Wanted to run, but when I asked her to get off me she kept saying, "stop trying to hurt me..." I knew if I pushed her off later she would say that I am violent towards hers and that I put my hands on her. All I could do was sit there and pray that the nightmare would end soon. Was sooooo uncomfortable.

[@tanyahartmann8616]

It’s as if you were in my house and heard every interaction with my ex. Amazing and spot on examples. That describes perfectly how I felt and my husband would get mad at me for not responding to his romantic gestures after. He told me I was cold. In fact I was still reeling from his outburst and wondering what just happened.

[@daisyweatherford4984]

Oh my Goshhh!!! Your examples are so head on!!! It never fails!! Drama, trauma, rage, no apology or accountability…cut to, a hug and 5 “I love you’s” before they walk out the door! It’s so disgusting. Nonstop.

[@beverlyadams7205]

I’ve been apart from my narcissistic daughter for 13 months. I have no one in my life now who shouts at me, blames me, slams doors and then expects me to be OK when they start to cry. My psyche is becoming healthy. Thank you Dr. Ramani for these wonderful videos. I watch them every single day.❤

[@CS-iv8tk]

Same

[@davelowe1977]

This is exactly how my boss behaves - the analogy between the personal relationship you describe and the equivalent working relationship is exact.

[@m.d.1395]

This has happened to me so many times that I eschew physical affection.

[@foreverfamily12]

My brother does this to his 10-year-old son. It's heartbreaking to watch.

[@beatlebarb64]

This key scenario happened many times over the 12 year relationship with Mr. Narcissist. I would be on the hunt for his keys until either I found them or he finally found them. Exhausting! Glad he's gone!

[@honesttraitorbear3527]

Yeah as a kid I was relied on to know where everything was and if I didn't it was a verbal lashing. It helped train my memory to say the least.

[@Omneyvdwatering]

I remember how my mother did this last year. She would say incredibly hurtful stuff. So bad that I said "enough" and got my coat to leave. Then in the hallway, she demanded a hug. I was just totally baffled. We're no contact now.

[@moiramarriott4403]

The second it landed! Excellent content .... looking forward to this one

[@lonelinessinmilan6486]

It's absolutely true, and not discussed or understood ... when my brother destroyed my life, financially killed my family and he didn't need to, but messaged me after years "hey, sis".

[@genevalawrence801]

Oh dear God. This is what my mother did to me throughout my childhood. And I knew then that it felt icky, but also that if I didn't accept, or even return, her affection then I would be raged at anew or labeled as unforgiving or self-centered. I didn't realize until watching this video, though, that this was reinforcing the trauma bond. It makes sense. It also makes me feel sick.

[@diamondseeds2107]

Aged 8 I refused the hug. Then her real colours came out. She showed me early that she was a lost cause, no trauma bonding or any bonding for me. Thanks Dr ramani, for teaching us that it was never our fault.

[@illuzion30]

Damn... this is so concise, but hits hard.

[@KarenDUlrich]

7:52 when someone goes from rage to hug.... I just realized two former Christian friends did this to me. I was bible beaten, scorned, labeled crazy, difficult, even delusional as I kept reaching to church and christian friends for help in domestic violence. They would lecture me and tear down the very fabric of life and then demand a hug when they were done. WTF. Even then, I did not want to hug them but hugs were forced on me with an "or else" because it meant I did not forgive them which was "sin." Since that time, I learned I am autistic and I cannot stand being touched. Hugs are basically like wrapping me in barbed wire.

[@rebeccamay6420]

Autism and Touch! For me, my response to different kinds of touch sensations will vary in different situations. Those rage-to-hug moments are really disorienting. However, I do enjoy a good firm bear-hug at times when hugs are appropriate and normal. It wasn't until I was nearly 50 y.o. that KZbin helped me figure out that I am Autistic (with chronic PTSD). I've had a laundry list of characteristics since youth, yet no one recognized it as Autism ... I'm female - "only" boys can be autistic, per stereotyping. I started reading very well when I was about 4-5 years old - "all" autistic people have difficulty with reading, per stereotyping. I do not avoid eye contact and I can hold my own during most conversations - "all" autistic people avoid eye contact and struggle with holding any conversation, per stereotyping. The list of reasons/stereotypes that exclude "me" from being autistic goes on and on.... The more I learn about what makes me different, "the other kind of normal," the better I understand myself and others, and the better I can communicate about my different-ness. Disclosing my self-discovery to the owners of the business where I work, with whom I have to interact on a daily basis, has led to a marked improvement in understanding each other. It was one of those, "Well that explains ev-er-y-thing!" moments. My husband ... has to let himself get curious enough to learn about Autism before he'll be able to understand me better. It seems he doesn't want to accept what I'm explaining about myself (or much of anything else either) unless he finds the same answer from a different source "first." (Yes Dear. What [the professional with a college degree in such topic] said is the same answer that I found / told you about already.)

[@jkcliff2956]

I saw this many times with my narcmother. She would do something absolutely maliciously to me. Then, she would expect some large grand gesture from me (usually in front of an audience), and then be shocked and hurt when that is not what is provided (again in front of the audience).

[@ingrid5944]

Oh my God, the title of this video!!!! He used to do me so so so bad and then expect ME TO HUG HIM!!!! omg

[@peeveandtoonces]

"Narcissistic folks use conflict to regulate." Mind blown. I've been in this game for nearly 60 years but I had yet to figure out why, why, why, why, why, why, why a certain relative cannot help but fight with me every time I see them.

[@peeveandtoonces]

Thank you for this, by the way. There's something about that angle that makes it easier to release it from my psyche.

[@qlg8574]

This is such an accurate description. Someone on the outside of the experience would not understand. The narc treats you horribly oftentimes for imagined or projected offenses than you wants you to embrace them and see them as the ambassador of goodness after this tirade.

[@rostyslavgerasymov31]

Very on point

[@beverlypawsat6529]

He ruins every Christmas. Isn't happy until I cry. Then wants to swoop in as the savior. Nope!

[@eagleeye2300]

I have a narc Condo neighbor who is in her early seventies, thinks she's the Queen of the Condos, and who is sneaky and an old "mean girl." She informed me that I was going to "die alone," onetime when we'd had an argument...My car had a rattling pan underneath onetime and she snarked at me "Fix your car." The woman definitely has mental problems. I have asked for an apology several times, including speaking to her husband...Who will not get involved...Now she claims that she never said it. Okie doke. She basically cursed me, and now she can deal with the consequences. It's not my fault that she's scrawny and homely, lol.

[@eagleeye2300]

PS Her husband also previously hit on me. But I didn't say anything. That shows you "who's who."

[@chubner]

OMG -I laugh-cried when I heard this... it was like exactly what I experience. I feel like I am going crazy! I feel sort of violated when they go in for the hug after the violent interaction/psychological harm. I thought it was just me. I am always in shock and just turn "off" and don't know how to respond...so I go on auto-pilot. "Narcissistic folks use conflict to regulate themselves" - ah ha! thanks Dr. Ramani, I will try and remember this.

[@caseybirgitta-skoog5532]

Thank you! I hated that. And it made me even more upset when this happened. It's almost like someone spitting in my food right in front of me and then expecting me to eat it.

[@corellias240]

Wow, it's like you've met my mother...

[@peacerun]

Mine too.

[@Joos-qb9be]

This has been 95%f my life since late 2019. It blows my mind how on point you are, step by step, play by play. When he gets going I retreat to my cocoon and that only makes him angrier, wilder, nastier...

[@anonmous4468]

Oh yes. When I was 20 I was faced with the challenge of my narcissistic cousin and narcissistic former classmate becoming close friends. One day I ran an errand to pick up my cousin the former classmate was there also me and that former classmate hadn’t seen each other in almost 6 years at that point. Instead of being polite and greeting me she just looked right through me and pretended I wasn’t there. Reaffirming my narcissistic cousins competitive streak to make her feel superior that people seemed to like her ‘better’. I was very upset at the time. A year later I ran into this narcissistic former classmate again at a 21st of a mutual friend. We all who were in that class together greeted each other with hugs and she hugged me and was forced to acknowledge me and be nice the entire night. Funny how they can be chameleons and act however they want to blend into whatever crowd they are in. She knew she could treat me like I didn’t exist in front of my cousin but knew she couldn’t in front of our mutual friends.

[@flowerfreedom7168]

The worst is the silent narc we drove for four hours together and he didn’t utter a word not even when I asked him a question then when we go to bed it’s like nothing happened