When someone with dementia believes something untrue.

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)
In today's video I talk about what to say with someone with dementia believes something untrue and they try to talk to you about this untrue belief. When their belief is truly wrong and you can't change their mind no matter how much evidence you show them or how you try to explain it, this video goes over how you can "join their world" and avoid the aggravation or mounting frustration that comes from trying to convince someone with dementia of something they don't believe.
If you're new to Careblazers TV, WELCOME! This is the place where we talk about everything dementia. Whether your loved one has Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, Vascular dementia, Frontotemporal dementia, or any other type of dementia...this is the place for you. A new video is posted every Sunday. Feel free to leave a question or comment below any video for a chance for me to answer it in an upcoming video.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[@heathercampese5421]

I have been in this industry 16 years, so I get it. But now it's MY mom with dementia. And all her horrible traits are front and center. And all the great qualities are gone. On top of that EVERY minute of my visits are her wanting to discuss all the negative delusions she is having. Bomb threats, people are following us, listening to conversations, mafia is going to murder her and everyone in the community she lives in. Everyone is in on it, etc. So, this is where I have struggled. I try redirecting her, changing the conversation, nothing works. So the visits are nothing short of depressing and draining. It gets so bad I have to tell her, "let's just sit quietly for a while, okay?" I feel horrible about this, but I dread seeing her now. I go because I know I should.

[@b.bernal6151]

I know exactly how you feel. Went through that with my mom. When she passed away I was sad, but truthfully there was also relief. Only those that have been through it can understand.

[@melissaphillis2488]

Newer to this journey and so overwhelmed. Being emotionally tied to the “patient” is so painful and helpless. I’ve just really come to terms with my mom having dementia and am desperate for guidance and support. I’ve been a nurse for 20 years, and nothing has prepared me for this. Thank you!

[@carolynnr.6409]

Natalie is a great source of help. You might try Teepa Snow she teaches how to reach people with dementia, like considering their visual range and using gestures (body language) giving patients options," like do you want to wash your armpits or do you want me to--gives them some control over what is going on. She is an on-hands expert. Natalie really gets and understands the caregiver and gives the mindset of the personal dynamics between all those involved.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Melissa, you bring up such a great point that being loving someone with dementia really adds another element to the interactions and can make being a caregiver that much more difficult, even when we come from professions that we think may have helped prepare us. If you are looking for some extra support, I have a facebook group for caregivers (Careblazers) that you may find helpful: CLOSED GROUP:Dementia Careblazers Community.

[@lynylcullen8370]

Welcome to the journey...& know that YOU CAN DO THIS! It is overwhelming. Educating myself have saved my sanity. Nothing in life experience actually prepares us for the challenges. I thought I was a VERY PATIENT daughter who could handle ANYTHING for my family. However... It’s a completely unique “altered brain” loved one who is no longer the person we thought we would be taking care of. It requires lots of knowledgeable support. You’ve found it! It took years for me to embrace the level of diligence it was going to require for me to survive. As the decline suddenly shifts there are new behaviors that still throw me emotionally. The Care Course has been huge. I’ve learned that my own mental state is the key to responding to my LO (loved one) & being vigilant takes a lot of energy! Know that you are not alone. Everything you are experiencing is shared by other caregivers. We can support you with strategic mindset and methods. The FB group has been an amazing outlet and education. When you know that others have figured out THAT SUPER HARD DAY then you will feel hopeful and less pain. All that being said there are still days when I say to myself “I can’t do it anymore. I’m done!” I get disappointed and sad. Then I remember that tomorrow is a new opportunity to do it all differently! With dementia every day is like a reset button has been pushed. You do have a FRESH START! You are valuable and cherished. You are a treasure for taking on this quest!

[@Themammak]

You described my current situation exactly Melissa. It helps to know I'm not alone!

[@tygerstripes3752]

My Mother passed away a week ago and she was buried yesterday. I wish I had found this channel 5 years ago instead of 1 year ago, but it made such a difference in how I related to my Mom, who was in her late 80s. Thank you for all the useful information.

[@DefundTheFringes]

The Net has been very useful in general. When these lies have personal ramifications, including w/people outside the family, it can get really tough.

[@lynylcullen8370]

My heart goes out to you 100%! I’m glad you had the opportunity to know you had support at least in her last year. Your mom is at peace now. I’m sure there is a huge hole in your heart with your mom gone. The grieving started long ago..& yet now you have another grief and loss to accept. Thank you for sharing your experience and letting us help you carry this burden. Blessings! ♥️

[@rohanawolf2089]

This information is golden! It really helps to resolve the major stumbling block in relationships with our loved ones with dementia. Love and gratitude to you.

[@vbh6688]

My Loved one recently passed away. I was his caregiver for 15 years. I never left his side or the house. I had home hospice help in the end. I miss him very much. I want to thank you for the information and support I received from you as a careblazer.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you took wonderful care of him.

[@lynylcullen8370]

Sending you hugs of comfort. I dread that day but I’m focused on the day NOW! 15 years is absolutely heroic! May you find comfort in knowing you have the finest gift of love!

[@mlbchanged1]

Whew! This was so needed. My Momma gets like this so much. I def felt like entering her world was agreeing. Thank you for this!

[@54jonesboy]

Thank, you! I was praying for help with my 91 yr old mom...

[@angelaharris1112]

My friend has been caring for her now 98 year old grandmother who now has Alzheimer's. She does this all the time.

[@nighthawk_predator1877]

My wife and I, when one of us finds ourselves in this kind of situation calmly tells the other to 'not take the bait" It is a code for either of us to say to the other so we don't get overly stressed by the situation.

[@julie-anne1772]

This has caused me so much stress and strain Thank you. This has helped.

[@elainemedley8638]

My dear husband just started to believe the Apt. is smaller, the landscape outside, everything has gotten smaller. He believe someone did this and he doesn’t like it. He asked me if I saw it. I told him I didn’t notice change but was it ok smaller. He seemed ok with that. At first when he thought I did it, my son FaceTime us and got him to focus on his coming visit. It is wonderful to get sound advice and help from loved ones. I’m grateful

[@karikells]

This helps so much! My stumbling block is that my LOWD used to be so rational & so self-aware that she still starts conversations as that person she used to be but the topics make no sense & I'm baffled about how to join her. An example is that she recently became stuck on "when you told me X, what were your motivations & what did you hope to achieve by saying that". The problem is that (a) I didn't say it and (b) what I'm accused of saying is something that isn't even within my realm of possibility of saying. We repeat this conversation every couple months (for about 18 months now) & never does it feel resolved or "good". I've tried every way of "joining her" without contradicting/correcting her & nothing satisfies her. I now know that this conversation is just the start of her being unsatisfied. But I sure wish I knew a good way to respond to that one delusion-based question. -sigh- I hate dementia.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Kat, Unfortunately, some of these situations involve trial and error. You know what hasn't worked, what else might you try instead? Is there a way to respond to the emotion behind the accusation?

[@karikells]

@@DementiaCareblazers Thank you. I'm working on it. So far I'm having trouble getting past repeating any commented on feelings "it sounds like you felt unheard/disregarded/betrayed/pushed aside" then adding "What might help you feel more heard/valued/validated...?" It's challenging to do in the moment because I'm being accused of something that's a sensitive issue for me & it's one of her life-long fears so there's lots of emotionally charged baggage. It might be easier if we didn't have history. A f2f counselor is helping me navigate these. We had a session with all 3 of us & having the counselor model responses was quite helpful.

[@buffyglen]

I just had to increase my dose of Paxil for my anxiety. I am learning how not to upset my husband as it goes on & on in his head. I also smoke Cannibis every night to mellow myself out & be more patient with him. Thank you, Natalie, for all your help. ❤️

[@lynylcullen8370]

Taking care of our own mental health becomes ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL! Whew! Like never before have I had to learn how critical it is! I also have a counselor who I have weekly video visits with. It’s my 40 min of sanity and a reset button for my emotions! Hang in there!

[@theresabriant6499]

Thank You Dr. Natalie your video have totally changed our interactions w/Mom. I pass them to family members. I use to think honesty would keep her more present but doing it as you've explained has brought added peace & joy. Love how sharing past memories have been wonderful. Being realistic about,,,,,,,having her participate but at her level. My siss & i wanted to do everything for her but she wants to be part & present in her life. You've brought in a place for all sides. CONTINUED THANKS

[@carolechisum6582]

Wow! My father is a retired surgeon and is currently 88 yo. He thinks he missed call or a surgery day. It is so difficult to join his world, but one of my sisters does this better than I do and I need to prepare and practice my responses when he does this.

[@lynylcullen8370]

Wonderful that you have a family member who is able to “take the reigns” and go into his delusional moment..& be supportive and soothing. It definitely helps to practice and write down responses. Seems crazy to have to practice what we are going to say in reply to a delusion. AND YET WE DO IT FOR LOVE. Those moments in their life brought purpose and satisfaction in their life. It’s beautiful that you can help him live in that moment again! I imagine it as if a LO who couldn’t walk but they could pretend they are walking down a beach with their toes in the sand. What a loving gift! Hang in there!

[@carolinaprepper6603]

it is most difficult thing ever. I must remember this. prayers for all.

[@wandalanders8700]

As someone once said....choose your battles.

[@mayhmmaydn]

This has recently started for me. Thank you.

[@judymclaughlin6993]

Wow. I needed to hearthis. Its exactly where I am in my father's dementia world

[@brendadickenson3547]

My husband was in war, but with dementia took him back and when i said, how about we get in my car and drive to the woods or ocean. Something he enjoyed and usually he would be looking at the cars, saying these cars are strange but they say ford or Chevy or that name I don't recognize. So drive to to ocean about 15 miles away and take out as blanket with some food and drink and he soon was distracted because he didn't see the ocean in wartime. Just enjoy and be inventive. Smile and laugh. After a 1/2 HR or hr. He would be relaxed. I said lets go to my place, okay!.?.And he was fine for quite a while.

[@AlbertD711]

Thank you for this video. My wife is sure that someone is breaking into the house and stealing her cloths. It's so hard to convince her otherwise. We always find the clothing she is looking for but she still thinks it was stolen then returned. I have changed the locks to set her mind at ease but this did not help.

[@vmrapozo]

this was helpful. my mom complains of sickness and wants to go to the emergency. We've gone to specialist after specialist and she actually used to call the ambulance (the hospital would not admit her) couldn't find anything. So it's difficult for me to wrap my head around 'logically' how she could feel sick. she is probably in better health than I am and she is at an assisted living community that implements the bredesen protocol (ketogenic diet, all organic, mindful of toxins all over, etc). she is getting better, but these 'I am sick' episodes seem to persist and come in waves. Trying to logic and reason with her just upsets her. She gets agitated and says 'you don't believe me' ' are you saying I'm lying to you'. So I will definitely try the 'join her world' method! mahalo!

[@ekobrain3331]

Excellent instructions and easy to understand ... but when I am in the moment with my loved one, I am constantly failing on the delivery or implementation of said instruction. I think I need Caesar “The dog whisperer”. My dad wants to call and/or go to his dead parents home ... then tries to start cars to get himself there, he does not even know where “there” is. Gets pretty upset, knowing I am in control of vehicles and I won’t take him “there” ... driving him around has made it worse; I’m living in a constant “catch 22” /damned if I do, damned if I don’t. This is a daily occurrence. Also on a daily basis, I am accused of moving or taking things and hiding them from him. Then he will literally find the thing, like in his pocket or on his face and ask how I did that , like it was a magic trick to mess with him. Oh boy ! Ugh ...

[@jeanlennox6867]

I had this same problem with my mum asking me to take her to see her mum who had died more than 50 years ago. I told her I wasn’t able to take her there that day as she had a cold or something but would take her when she got better. It worked at first but after a time she began to realise I was stalling her and she just got really angry at me. Then I didn’t know how to handle it.

[@ekobrain3331]

@@jeanlennox6867 Exactly ....

[@lynylcullen8370]

@@jeanlennox6867 - That would be tough! She remembers the things you wish she would not (HOW DO THEY DO THAT!?) and forgets the basics. I’ve had to switch up the explanations too! It takes lots of mental and emotional energy! Great to have BASIC STATEMENT as Dr Natali has outlined! I had tried making very small reply variations before learning the CareBlazer tips.. & wow! Our LO can pick up on the slightest variation. When I used to say “I can see that you are upset about loosing that.”.. NOPE! That was an “accusation” in her mind. She yells and proclaims that she didn’t loose it..& “YOU MUST HAVE MOVED IT!” Sigh. Lessons learned!

[@LoveThatRebeccaVO]

Really nicely explained. It is a subtle but so important difference. Thank you!

[@dmsarabia1]

I can totally empathize with the person that asked the question and how difficult it can be to "join their world". I am dealing with an invalid belief that a sibling is being blamed for something really hurtful and bad to the believer that never happened and would never happen. It's very difficult. I appreciate your insight, but am still grappling with how to have her trust a sibling again. I distract and distract, but it comes up again.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Donna, Sometimes it is helpful to simply acknowledge the emotion behind the belief. If joining the belief is harmful or causes more distress, acknowledge the emotion and then redirect.

[@sheiladuckworth5079]

I am that sibling. I've always been a thief and have had the police round for shoplifting. I go in the house during the night and steal her keys, purse (or anything else she has hidden and can't find) and emptied her bank account. None of which is true. As my twin she has been the dearest person in my life and now she's contacted another sibling who she's disliked for years and telling her a bunch of lies which of course my other sibling believes entirely. I know it's the Alzheimer's that's causing this and I just hate seeing the change from being a close sister to this. I continue to do all I can to support her.

[@dmsarabia1]

@@sheiladuckworth5079 I am so sorry. Even though you know the truth, I know it hurts. Hearing the constant accusations, some small, some big is hard to hear much less be on the other end. I know my time is coming, but I know it's not really my Mom anymore as she would never say anything bad about anyone and was the first to forgive.

[@sheiladuckworth5079]

@@dmsarabia1 thanks for your response. Most people who aren't involved with a dementia sufferer believe altzheimers is just a memory problem and so believe all the untruths as they can sound so convincing. It's just so horrid to witness the decline in a dear loved one but we can only continue to give our love and support. Thank you for your comment, it was so good to hear from you.

[@lynylcullen8370]

@@sheiladuckworth5079 - That’s got to be so painful! It hurts. No matter that we KNOW it’s not true it causes us such darkness. I’ve had to have a therapist help me work through these “lies” because somehow I felt so crushed. Thank goodness I’m able to LET GO & not “hold on” to LOs false beliefs. You have healing coming! Know you are not alone

[@boboneill6554]

It is key not to be rigid or have to be always right or have the last word. Those traits will ensure your misery.

[@LAppleDumpling]

This is great channel. Wish I would have known long ago about you and your channel. Thank you Dr.

[@cathyblock6197]

Thank you again. Your videos have been so helpful.

[@pattyg.6533]

Thank you for these videos and all this information. I find them very helpful.

[@fishheadlemonsnack824]

My wife and I needed this. Thank you.

[@angelaharris1112]

Thank you so much.

[@LAppleDumpling]

What about when it's an attack on you personally like "I know you hate me you can't wait for me to die" when you're their doing loving things giving up your time shopping etc.

[@phyllissmith225]

I deal with this as well and it hurts. You’re there changing them as they can’t get to the bathroom themselves. They fight you coz they tell u they already went to the washroom and changed their own underwear themselves. You tell them they are wet and you need to put dry ones on them. They get angry and tell u to get the heck out of their room and call u awful names. It’s very frustrating. I walk away for a few minutes, come back and try again This time she’s sweet about it. And I feel guilty coz I got upset as well even knowing she can’t help it. Dementia is a horrible disease

[@marysoares8120]

I've reached that and beyond. My mom can't talk much now, only few words so have patience this phase will also pass soon. God bless you.

[@carolynnr.6409]

@@marysoares8120 one of the last things to go is the music they know. Sometimes when my mom is driving me nuts talking (she complains constantly) so I sing and she hears me and starts to sing along. Most of the time she will remember a good time in her past .

[@jeanlennox6867]

Apple dumpling, how about saying this? “Mum, you know I love you but I do hate the illness that makes you feel like that. It must be horrible for you.” Then see if she will accept a cuddle. I just hope it works.

[@jeanlennox6867]

@@phyllissmith225 You’re right, Dementia is just awful. However, it’s the illness that is scrambling the brain and the patient isn’t really the one doing the talking. My mum told me to xxxxx off because I was unable to take her to see her parents who were dead. She was very very angry and I dreaded going in to see her the next day. However, the next day, she’d forgotten all about it.

[@dizzyfingers7180]

Such a great advice. Thank you so much. Joining their world also makes them feel heard.

[@cerarod4248]

Thank you so much! Bless you❤

[@majellamaxwell6240]

I'm new to this. my mum often believes and is very upset by the belief that she has heard it announced on the radio that my brother and/or his son have died in a terrible accident. My brother has cut all contact with our family and she is always aware of this so we can't even lie to say that we have spoken to him. Its heart breaking to see her so upset I just wish that we could do something to ease her pain.

[@sandranewkirk4]

Thanks this is really helpful.

[@lindauribe6872]

You do not have to go into their untruth but calmly talk with them and do not argue your points because it will not work.

[@carolynnr.6409]

My mother still can be reasoned with. She claims they told her the 9:15 to be ready for me to pick her up for her Doctor appointment. I wrote her a note: I'll pick you up at 10:15. She was saying they were wrong, How am I to know when to be ready? I said I wrote it in the note, Who are you going to believe, A messenger, or the person who is picking you up?

[@chandraw.3905]

Thank you, it's really hard.

[@kevingrimbeek2106]

Dear Dr Natalie, since following you from year 2020 I have learnt this trick among many others. But here's something I'd like to share with your Careblazers, and that is "Our Loved Ones Aren't Easily Fooled Either"! ie their incapacity does not necessarily make them stupid! So the Truth matters a lot and so does their dignity. 🤗

[@michelleheimbuch6322]

I have such a hard time with this, my mom has dementia, and my dad has short term memory loss , when my mom starts her "silly stories", my dad is stressed out because he doesn't know if what she said is true if I join her world he looks at me like I'm crazy too. I've tried separating them they don't like that, but when they're together she takes everything out on him and he can't figure out what's going on, been doing this for 2 1/2 yrs and I am at my wits end trying to make them happy.

[@loveszymanskiloveszymanski5807]

Thank you

[@hollywalling66]

This is a great clarification! Seems like it might be an intuitive response that comes more naturally to some than others…depending on personality and ways of communicating within their culture, family, experience, or training. My moms caregivers in MC do this all the time.. Easier I think for those who don’t have a lifetime of history and relationship with the person. And who don’t have emotional ties. I do believe we all can develop skills in this area. I’m getting better at my responses but there’s something about these delusions coming out of my mom’s mouth that shock me into sometimes not the best response. But I’m trying! You just can’t reason them out of a delusion. My mom is convinced there may be snakes under her bed…that there have been in the past. My wrong response: I don’t think snakes can get in here! Maybe you dreamed that! Her response: No! (A very firm no!) My better response: I know you hate snakes! (Shiver)

[@vickyspiers2835]

My mother is 94 & I am not handling her current delusion very well. She accused my husband & I of stealing her bed & saw us carry it out the door. This started because I washed her sheets & put on a set that was a different color. She calls & begs me to bring it back. I agree & change the sheets back to the original & add a soft foam pad because she said the bed was hard, hoping that will fix her problems. It doesn’t & she’s mad that I won’t bring her bed back. My brother has promised to take her to buy a new one soon. Every afternoon I get a call from her accusing me again of stealing her bed & replacing it with a straw bed. She thinks I’m sleeping in her bed, at my house, because I like it better so she has to sleep in her recliner. I used to be a good daughter but now I’m a thief who stole her own mothers bed & wont give it back. I just can’t figure out how to handle this one. How do I apply what you talked about to this situation ?

[@b.bernal6151]

I can tell you from experience, it’s a losing battle. I had to put my mom in a nursing home, because I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. There are people out there that are cutout to deal with people with dementia. I am not one of those people.

[@lindagraham8884]

At that stage now. thanks

[@Timcdoe]

What do you do when she keeps claiming family is hitting her? Its all she talks about to family as well. Sometimes claiming this to the very people she claimed did the same. They used to believe it until she accused them at one time. Even if you change the subject, as soon as she speaks to someone else, its what she'll talk about. The problem is how do you handle this? To make it worse, family will not talk to her because they're concerned what she'll claim. So frustrating.

[@joyceclarke2638]

The dementia individual believes his wife is having an affair. (Not true) The children wonder how they can agree with that. Looking for helpful responses. Many thanks!

[@gillianlonergan7872]

My mum also has this belief about our dad for the last 2 years. Nothing makes any difference to her fixed thinking on this and other things. Dr Nathalie has helped a lot. I use distraction. I ask her if she's having a hard day and I try to tell her that I understand she's feeling frustrated/angry/sad. I do try to join her world without agreeing. And I move the conversation as quickly as I can to subjects she loves. Her family in the past and her grand daughter. I have found it so so hard....but I believe these strategies help.

[@gillianlonergan7872]

Wishing you the best.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Joyce, this is a difficult topic. So much so that I did a video specifically on being accused of cheating. You can find it here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/j3OlhJati9CihMU I hope you find it helpful!

[@donnamontanarella2403]

Thank you for another informative video. You have helped me so much,

[@DementiaCareblazers]

You are so welcome!

[@aprilallison281980]

Hello, love your videos. Thank you for the advice. Take care of my mother in law for couple years now. My question is. What about when their reality is scary and they already suffer from major anxiety? Anxiety is her biggest issue it seems. And she hallucinates not only children but people being angry at her. Strangers in her home. People she knows getting taken. Fights and arguments taken place when she is home alone.

[@GilliMarieMoody]

😭Thank you!

[@user-tj9kt5cs6d]

Because of the information that you have provided I have found that when my wife goes so far of base or even just slightly off it’s best to just go with her because in just a few minutes she’s going to go in another direction but in the past if I tried to correct her or redirect her it turns into to a war that sticks with her for extended time. Trust me the sooner you can change the subject the sooner you can move on to the next delima.

[@whitneysawyer483]

Good video :)

[@mainiotaainetta]

thanks beautiful!

[@mrsbettytracy6669]

My step mom insists my dad never tells her When he is leaving, won't take her grocery shopping, there isn't any food in the house, he goes out to eat and never brings anything back to her. Of course all of this is untrue. It's hard not to defend him.

[@kathie9842]

When my mom says “That man is staring at me/us” whether he is or not, I find saying “ He just thinks you/ we are so pretty!”

[@Rustytoolgardener]

My DW wakes me up at 2:00am to tell me that a tick bit her toe and has gone through her veins and is eating wholes in her heart. She’s inconsolable and I have to get up at 5am to go to work. It’s so hard to remain patient. I’m really lacking sleep.

[@lovewithin1935]

how about if they are not satisficed with our responds. My aunt keep saying, where is the kids. Which all the kids are growing adult. She worries and won't get accept our answers. No matter what we tell her and how we tell her. Which is very frustrating.

[@ever_thriftingcendirella481]

What do I do if my loved one thinks I’m an intruder in his home and not his loved one?

[@ithacacomments4811]

What if it is a neighbor? I have a life. I don't have time to go to the Disneyland of their mind for hours a day. I am a caring person. There needs to be boundaries.

[@tomlinn7227]

All good advice but it still does not address my situation. Ly LO, my spouse years ago now accused be of adultery with the neighbor. She's never changed that accusation. Now she accuses me of adultery, flirtation, mental adultery with so many women. One cannot join that world, nor agree with that world. How many times does one walk away? How many times, how many years does one take the verbal and sometimes physical abuse? I think 4 years is about enough now. After 4 years of working with police, the county crisis center, all to no help. I have turned to an attorney and am seeking an order of protection. I have never heard an expert yet talk about when to draw the line. So as the police and county crisis center, so are experts. All give sound advice on how to live with this nonsense, which in and of itself is abuse when it draws out into years. When it comes down to serious stuff no one says, this is the time to draw the line in the sand.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Tom, This sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I hope you have a support system around you as you navigate these behaviors. It sounds as though things have progressed and that you are worried about safety. You always want to take safety seriously and consider what actions/steps will help both you and her to stay safe. Some possible considerations include obtaining additional help in the home, respite care, adult day centers, and nursing home placement. I wish you the best.

[@lynylcullen8370]

Tom- You are not alone. There are very serious issues that do escalate and it’s truly devastating. Both of my parents have dementia and although married for 60 years there have been police, social workers, arrest and so much unbelievable events the past few years. You must take care of your own mental and emotional health. Sometimes that does mean that we can not be the caregiver for the LO. Sending empathy and peace!

[@mirandavantonder5634]

What am I to do when my loved one is telling lies and seems that he absolutely believe himself and feels that I am just out to criticize him. Then heget loudand verbal abusive. We are both christians but I have t to fight with myself not to believe that something wrong with me. It causes so much damage to our marraige. So, now I'm most of the time keeping still but that cause a depression. Any thing I can do?

[@lindakirk653]

What is going on with the transcript to this video? It makes no sense. 🤷‍♀️. Thanks for checking into it. I really do appreciate your videos.

[@maureenfrederick8666]

Thank you for all your wonderful videos. Whenever I feel at a loss for solutions, I watch you and arm myself with new resolve. Unfortunately, you’ve never addressed my specific issue. What if the caregiver (me 66 yrs) is part of my husband of 24 yrs (92 yrs) delusions? He thinks I’m having an affair with just about any man - plumber, handyman, men he talks to on the phone, even his doctor. If only I had that energy 😏. Thank you!

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Welcome Maureen, glad it was helpful!

[@marrianner.1682]

Follow the video closely for varying situations. I didn't have this help. At the onset of dementia, which I didn't know about, my hubby said I gave him an STD in the 70s. I said, "you say that again, and I'm gonna bust your mouth"

[@caffeytrains8665]

My wife flipped out on me today at my doctors appointment, if the people at NYU Langone did not recognize me it could’ve caused me a serious problem. Now I will never take my wife any place not even to her doctors appointment. What should I do next?

[@marclove1159]

Is there a way to send you a message/question?

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Marc, I am sometimes able to get to questions posted here. Another way to have your question addressed may be to post it in my facebook group: Closed Group: Dementia Careblazers Community.

[@betsiemostert8029]

I would live to watch this episode but can only find Vietnamese suntitels.

[@reebeeable]

So my loved one thinks she’s president of the United States. I just change the subject over and over again.

[@LAppleDumpling]

The biggest situation is I can't control who calls her in texture and I say why are you still talking to this evil person you said you would never talk to them again I haven't she will say I show her phone and say look you just got this text and use and you replied and said I love you to I wish we were closer and this person is trying to have a legal case against me for elder abuse I said mom this is horrible your your giving her evidence to use against me and my mom says I have never text her somebody got into my phone WTF I said OK mom you make your choices but if I get arrested or told to stay away from you because of this person I am the only person in the whole family who takes care of you so good luck. It was so ugly I got in my car and drove 3 miles home because what am I to do I am so alone in this fight. I need someone HERE at the moment of impact. My sisters not here anymore but she or somebody else used to be able to pull my mom around and that's when I knew my mom knew what she was saying she would go OK now it's just me and her and it's horrible and ugly. While I was putting things away in the refrigerator in moving things in she kept saying nasty things I kept saying out loud I am love I am pure I am love I am doing everything to you out of love I am love I am love and I just kept repeating that till I left she finally went outside to sit in a chair and put her hand on her face to be all dramatic.

[@carolynnr.6409]

Sounds like you need to call a lawyer,. Is there a power of attorney? Get some help soon before it is too late.

[@carolynnr.6409]

@@1voice133 if L. Apple really believes someone is planning to report them for abuse, then they should seek professional advice and if there is a P.O.A., should let them know as to monitor the situation.

[@jeanlennox6867]

My brother and his wife were in Spain whilst I was trying to help my mum but all I got from them was criticism. Relatives who didn’t really want to get involved but just moaned about everything I tried to do were the absolute pits. When my parents were young and healthy, they wanted to be the no. 1 but that all changed when dementia set in. We’re better off without people like that.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

This is such a stressful situation. I am sorry you are going through this. Another possible resource for you is a video I did about being concerned about being reported to Adult Protective Services: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gae0c4tuotuYidk While we can't control what other's do, there are steps we can take to cover ourselves when caring for someone with dementia. I hope you find it helpful!

[@user-um9sl1kj6u]

Wouldn’t it be better to just not engage?

[@rdagan1]

What about when it’s your husband and he believes that you are cheating on them

[@94maymay]

Is dementia hereditary

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Carrie, there are some types of dementia that have a hereditary component. I did a video a little over a year ago about genetic risk as it relates to Alzheimer's disease that you may find helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5O1p4KXZryrlZY

[@danal3178]

This video was very confusing. Without giving specifics in whatever this loved one was believing was true, it made your explanation all the more confusing. I think your example needed to be specific in order to get your points crossed. You totally lost me.

[@tempo9198]

I’m going through this with my mum who thinks men are trying to break into her home ... they are even under the floorboards

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Dana, I am sorry you found it confusing. If you have specific examples you might want feedback on, the Careblazers facebook group can be a great resource!

[@lynylcullen8370]

I appreciate that Dr Natali wasn’t TOO SPECIFIC. We have private dramas that we share in the Q&A which we want specific help with. There are definitely many different “fill in the blank” statements which loved ones who are in a delusion say. These can be HORRIBLE! And some are unconscionable accusations. Even if my LO screams... “YOU ALWAYS CRITICIZE EVERYTHING I DO..& I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!” Or “You took away my driver’s license because you think I’m crazy!” Whew! Absolutely painful to hear. And impossible to argue with. My mom has also told me repeatedly in the last year “I feel so bad that your dad molested you.” (!!) She says this at random moments and without any context. The first time she said it I was driving her home from a doctor appointment and I was in shock. I thought “Is she trying to tell me something that I never knew!??” I was an emotional wreck. Through time I understand now that her brain has just gotten stuck on telling me that .. maybe it happened to her. But I have to use the advice from Dr Natali and say “You don’t think that should have happened to any child.” First few times I HAD TO DISPUTE IT. “Mom- Why do you think that happened?” “YOU TOLD ME!” “Mom- I never told you that. I don’t know what you are talking about.” And then she got upset and I got upset. Now.. I know that I have to be prepared for any kind of twisted “memories”. I have to NOT allow it to derail me.

[@cj7334]

You tube blocks channels from being seen if certain words or phrase combinations are used. In other words, google censors what can be talked about, hence why there is a lot of innuendo used or lack of specificity on certain topics.