When Someone With Dementia REFUSES to Bathe [TRY THIS]

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.) Every Sunday, I share a video to help you in your dementia caregiving journey.
In today’s video, I’m sharing some ideas for how to get your loved one more clean and less stinky without having to take a bathe/shower. Obviously, the ultimate goal is to help your loved one bathe completely, but if that has been a struggle for you, I hope these 3 tips can help you.
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[@DementiaCareblazers]

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[@jds0084]

My grandmother went from normally taking a bath twice per day to maybe one per month if we were lucky. It was so frustrating and probably one of the hardest for us to deal with because she always took such pride in her appearance.

[@hollyfirefly1]

I just tell my dad, We are going shopping or visiting etc… and we need to take a shower before we can leave. I tell him how handsome he looks and smells. Works like a charm. However, getting him to wash his hands regularly is much harder.

[@s.elh.3281]

Oh yes....washing the hands. With my loved one it comes in phases: some time it was really hard, right now it is a bit better. Also brushing the teeth 🙈

[@dellhodo]

Holly, the shower is probably the best idea!I flat out told hubby we don’t go out if you don’t shower works for me. I have a bidet but you still have to wipe.

[@barthglennh]

When I was in a hospital years ago they had a foaming waterless cleaning product called Aloe Vesta. It is perfect to use by adding foam to the toilet paper and then wiping. It leaves skin clean and soft. I have used this ever since. I used to use a warm wash cloth on my father-in-law, he loved it on his neck, face and hands while he was sitting on his favorite chair. I also had a soft warm towel to dry him.

[@frankiefurbag9030]

I am heading for this with my dad.He refuses to wash his hands and changing clothes is a major event.

[@nancyrandall1762]

I have the same issue; not wanting to wash hands after using the toilet. I've tried reminding, put out hand soap, installed a nice small drying cloth, all to no avail. So now what I do is make sure that the doorknob is cleaned (by me) as well as cleaning any hard surfaces that my brother touches. I suspect that this is something that a lot of people just don't think about doing (washing hands when needed) and to ask someone with dementia to do it kind of reminds them of being treated like a child. As for the clothes, I will put out a change of clothes and then compliment my brother as to how great he looks...that works (sometimes). It''s a stuggle, wish you well Frankie!

[@aynos629]

This is the only thing my mum does without batting an eyelid. Maybe I should be grateful!

[@DementiaCareblazers]

I am so glad to hear this is not a struggle you are experiencing!

[@aynos629]

@@DementiaCareblazers thank you, there is always a silverlining. However, my mum goes to the toilet and inserts her fingers trying to get her own poo out, and she may do this or try, up to 8 times on a bad day. The only remedy is to go everytime with her to the toilet. I mostly get her out as much as I can to keep her out of the obsession with the toilet, or if I am busy, she just gets on with it and I sort her and the toilet afterwards, not the best solution but I am human. My mum does this when she is nervous, my dad has always been very fragile but he has managed 89, and looks after her, with my help now, if she feels he is not well or anything she resorts to this or attention seeking behaviours. Alzeimers people need a lot of attention, distraction, love

[@AF-ke9by]

@@aynos629 Much love to a fellow family caregiver. Is your mom, perhaps, having a difficult time with bowel movements? A few months ago, I had to talk to my aunt’s dialysis team, because she was having a hard time and getting a little constipated, so they told us to add a non-addictive stool softener. We add one Colace Clear to her regular evening medicine, and eventually adjusted it to 4 days a week. It took a few weeks to find the right pattern that worked for her, i.e. everyday was too much. Maybe your mom’s medical team has some ideas that can help? If this has already been part of your experience, my apologies. Just want to try to be helpful. I understand how difficult those moments can be. I have been with my aunt for 21 months, and I am grateful to have my mom’s help (her sister) for the last 9 months.

[@aynos629]

@@AF-ke9by thank you AF. You are doing a good job, God bless you. My mum has a little prolapse and hemorrhoids, but I think it is a neurotic symptom. When my dad is not well, my mum gets very nervous and starts doing repetitive stuff. However, I have found blood in the poo today, so I am booking an appointment tomorrow. I had Ulcerative colitis for years until they cut off my large intestine, and I did hear sometime that it gets transmitted mainly by the mother line, although there is nobody in my mum's family that I know have it. My dad does have/had lots of duodenal/stomachal problems . So God knows. I will mention the tool softener to the doc when I manage to get the appointment. Thank you for your input and best wishes for you and your family xx

[@AF-ke9by]

@@aynos629 Good luck, Sonya. I know how scary it can be to try to get a diagnosis when trying to give symptoms with only half the information. My aunt developed c.diff., recently. I hope your mom’s medical team can help you come up with a solution that works for your mom and you. Best wishes!

[@sylviaalexander5808]

Thank you for sharing these suggestions. Here is how I was able to coerce our Mother to bathe. I purchased a modest bathing suit for her and told her how wonderful it would be if we could bathe together just like we did when I was a child. So I suited up as well and in the tub we went. Bathing with my Mother has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. This is not always a simple task, but well worth the effort.

[@blueminnie13]

Great suggestions as this issue has been one of my greatest frustrations! After over three years of care here are some of my suggestions. I bought a larger dish washing pan to soak mom's feet. My mom has such sensitive skin that any soap must be used VERY sparingly - just for feet and underarms. I learned the hard way when I used a body wash that said for sensitive skin caused my mom to break out in an itchy rash all over which took months to arrest. For an actual bath: Get a "sturdy" bathtub chair. Try it yourself to make sure it works and doesn't move around. I also bought several of those larger beach towels so mom can wear one right into the bath (just let it get wet) and use another large towel when finished to keep a greater sense of privacy. I also find warming up the bathroom (whole house) is helpful as mom is ALWAYS cold. I have a stove like space heater in one bathroom as its larger, but the other bath is too small to safely run a heater so I turn heat up for that hour. I have to have everything ready before the bath as mom is so unsteady, I can't leave her alone. I'm planning to have a grab bar installed.

[@bycracky22]

You are a dandy blueminnie and i will try the towel idea on my gal.

[@mfinchina__117]

Some of the bidets you can buy, such as the Toto Washlet, can also warm the toilet seat, which could be nice for elderly people who are sensitive to the cold.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Great suggestion!

[@lauriemclean1131]

The warm water & wash cloth approach has worked well with the person I'm helping (early stage / mild dementia) to keep herself much cleaner. For the last several YEARS, getting her to shower was mostly unsuccessful and she did have a terrible odor. She was resistant to anyone helping her to bathe. What has been working somewhat better recently is that after she gets up in the morning, I will bring her a change of clothes, a dishpan container of warm water (I add a few squirts of baby wash), and a couple of wash cloths. Where she did not want someone to wash her, she was perfectly willing to do her own morning "freshening up." Granted, that only gives her the means to wash the top half. I count on using wipes to clean her bottom to help keep her freshened up between showers. She no longer refuses the help of the twice a week bath aide from hospice, and that has been the most amazing improvement. I think any of us at any level of cognition would absolutely hate having someone else wash us when we have been washing ourselves from early childhood on up through adulthood. It was such a breakthrough for my client when she finally began to accept the help she needed.

[@retineshilares2497]

Some people with brothers and sisters have had so much fun in the bath tub that it can be an experience associated with fun memories. For others, having a nice picture in the bathroom might help to make it more enticing to get back there. We can also discuss about what is on the picture to distract them from washing. And have favorite bath accessories. I wonder if pool access would help the elderly to find more wellbeing in this period of their life.

[@chrislim7976]

Is checking oneself into a mental institution an option. I can't do this anymore.

[@chrislim7976]

@@Wife_LiLith Thanks someone does stop by a few times a week. I am still losing it. He insists on cooking and shopping while he may have his damn leg amputated. He doesn't care about anyone else.

[@AF-ke9by]

I feel for you. I have been taking care of my aunt, who tends to be contrary, for 21 months. Do you have any other family or friends who can step in for a few hours, periodically, to give you a break? At my lowest moments, just taking a drive and blasting music, having a meal by myself, taking a walk, or having a long phone chat with a friend, helps me decompress. Can you find small ways to carve out some time for yourself? I know it is time for me to do this when all I can think about is getting in the car, and taking a road trip to nowhere, and never coming back. Sometimes it ends up being an hour-long, sobbing rant at a friend who called and asked how I am, at just the right moment. Reach out. Best wishes for you and your loved one, Chris.

[@aynos629]

Breaks or holiday, even of one day. I start feeling nasty when I am at the end of my tether, so I take the door and walk away. Do something that you like, book a class for you that you like, and go no matter what.

[@chrislim7976]

I do have those phone chats and walks but it is so lonely and with this pandemic it is so isolating. I've unwillingly lost 25 lbs so this taking a toll and I am scared.

[@AF-ke9by]

@@chrislim7976 I hear you. Caregiving is taxing under normal circumstances. Doing it during this pandemic has been awful. This life is already isolating, then we had to stay away from all other human beings. *sigh* What do you feel you need most?

[@livus3787]

What to do with an already stubborn 97 yo person, physically still very able almost like a 60 yo, can (could...) do anything alone, even hopping in and out of the baththub ( took baths in his entire life, rarely shower, loves to dip into water till the neck) and no. matter. how. lovely. we paint bathing to be, no matter the approach, calm and patient or a bit more pressuring, making it seem like its his idea, DOESN'T matter coz he just says simply "no", "not today" "I bath when I want not when others tell me", refuses wet towel washing idea, anything that comes from us is an "order" or simply stupid for him, laughs at us? Once a week is a dream already we are well into week 5...

[@retineshilares2497]

Maybe make a little calender and decide of a frequency together. How often should we bathe? Can we make a schedule?

[@tddimer]

Well, I have tried it all, and she is just not having it.. I think its time for the fire hose. :) I am really struggling with this.

[@TerracottaMs]

me too, from thansgiving to mid january no shower-bout 10 weeks.then six more weeks to next shower and now it is going on to five weeks, i even put heaters in the bathroom and get the temperature up to 80 and still he adamantly refuses. i am thinking of hiring a visting nurse to work at it

[@billbernhard3582]

Thank you ! Keeping the emphasis on the "nice" and the "fun" and the "you're going to be great" aspects of the care will always be better than anger and forcing compliance. The Care Staff need every option to get the job done, without devolving into anger & demands.

[@dianamallory8535]

A little to late for me. Yes I still get stubborn streaks with my MIL, But I found timing was critical to get her bath over with. Her morning routine plays a big part. If I allow her to get dressed before she gets her shower there will be no shower that day. I have to catch her going to the bathroom in the morning and tell her oh good your up it is shower day. I get the bathroom ready before hand. And always change the subject when she starts to argue about it.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

It sounds like you found a wonderful way to incorporate bathing into her routine!

[@igigirising6150]

I've tried that and she tells me " get outta here!". I said to her it's shower day and she says to me So fucking what. I'm not getting in. Then she tries to fight me..YEAH!!!!😢😢😢😢. She then walk around swishing her gown around fanning the funk around. I said to her go into the room right now that's disgusting. She turns around and laughs at me. My father gave up on her awhile ago but he's no saint either. I've never seen him take a shower or a bath. What's wrong with these elderly people not want to wash their bodies?

[@alittlewheiser521]

I fight my mother on bathing….I tell her either I do it or a stranger hired by the state comes in to do. For now that works. The last shower I helped her with she passed out from the anxiety of me cleaning her private parts and was in the hospital for two days. She was diagnosed with syncope and the doctor stated that the anxiety of me washing her could absolutely cause a syncope incident.

[@TheDWZemke]

Lol timely... I am installing a Towel heater in the bathroom this afternoon (planned out 2 weeks ago). I have purchased 30 x 60 fluffy towels. Granted these are items, we would have not spent money on in the pasted, now, this can be a special reason for the bath. She sees herself as a scientist (granted she is a PhD) therefore we need to TEST out the new towel heater... yes we need to do the bath first... Wish me luck...

[@TheDWZemke]

@@Wife_LiLith Thanks for asking, the towel heater looks great, and works. It has a 1 hour timer so we do not need to then address questions about energy use or being left on. Lol not my concerns at all. She spent an afternoon fixated those concerns. I finished by saying URL have signed off! My wife still needs a sizeable amount of redirection to get in the bath. She is open to the idea "As a scientist we need to test this towel heater out and she needs to either shower or take a soaking bath for a true test". Fyi, my wife is a PhD that loved to spend time getting all the details perfect. In this case the details are taking the bath, not just feeling a warm towel. So it's 5% towel heater and 95% working with her personality.

[@TheDWZemke]

Quick update. The towel warmer takes 30 min to warm up. She got in and out much quicker... note to self: start heater 30 min earlier. Lol

[@ccpperrett7522]

Love it.

[@rctechtime]

They have no rinse bathing wipes that u can heat up , work great for the day or so in between showers. If they have no problem with cold /heat they have no rinse. With adding a little water. It makes a soapy foam on the disposable rags and it really Cleans them And makes there skin smoother (nail clipping is another story!). Takes us 20 minutes a hand Lol

[@andreahawkins5890]

I think I'm at the wrong video....my lady is to the petrified stage not 100percent but it's physically so hard for me it's a really sad situation.

[@pathayes7292]

This is very helpful! Can’t wait to hear your next video. Thank you ❤

[@ashleyburk2309]

Thanks for the ideas! This is the biggest challenge for my grandmother and so stressful for her supporters

[@mikethomas5927]

Yea bet she's gonna love the baday

[@bycracky22]

Bidet is goid for cleanliness but not a good idea unless you are present when it is being used. My wife will get up and leave with bidet still on and has flooded the br several times.

[@muthoniwanyeki8757]

Valuable and amazing information. I am inspired. Thank you so much.

[@Somewhere-In-AZ]

My cousin took care of her mother (my aunt) years ago. She loved when I came over because I would wash her hair, bathe her, do her nails. It was our special time. My cousin liked not having to fight with her over these things. If you have a person with ability to call on for help, it sure makes it easier. Sometimes it’s a person who just comes for this. For some reason it works. Start early in the process and it’s more acceptable. I love the bidet suggestion. Might have to get my mom one now so she’ll be accustomed to it before it’s too late.

[@cmstacy]

Sometimes an " outside " person has better luck with personal care on a loved one. I think our loved one is used to us and knows how far they can go with us. Whatever works is great !

[@TerracottaMs]

we have had a bidet for years but now my husband hates the water spray, no matter how i try to reintroduce it to him weeks go by before he bathes

[@stacyheath9647]

Thank you, Dr. Natalie.

[@zachreyhelmberger894]

I have done HUNDREDS of Google searches for this kneeling bench I saw in a hospital years ago. The incontinent person would kneel on this bench that is placed in front of the toilet with his butt over the toilet and would make it very easy to wipe the poop off their butt and go right into the toilet. It had arm rests so the person would be comfortable while being cleaned. I tried for HOURS to find the name of this thing and how to purchase one but I finally gave up trying. I KNOW it exists!

[@retineshilares2497]

Thanks for that idea. One thing I implement while taking care of children is to flush the toilet right away so that the odor is reduced. I also use the fan. It helps to make this moment less stressfull and to be able to take the appropriate time to wash thoroughly while reducing the risk to clog the toilet.

[@MysticPrairie]

Really appreciate this video ❤️ Thank yoi

[@michaelzumpano7318]

That was very helpful. Thank you.

[@retineshilares2497]

Just had an idea to implement with the warm towel tip that is very valuable. When there is a possible clothing and shoes change at a moment where there is a temperature variation, or when going outdoor or back indoor, it might be introduced as a good time for washing, as there is a clothing change that will happen anyway. Getting to bed in a pyjama and bed with clean sheets might be a moment to know it's time to take a shower or bath. Also, some people have or have had a very habit driven life and can find it unsettling to wash themselves at another time than they did previously. When working with children, we usually don't give more than two options. For example, we would ask : would you prefer to take a shower or a bath? Would you rather take a shower in the morning or before bed? Would you rather take your shower today or tomorrow? It helps to distract them from the possibility of not taking any at all and makes it more desirable for them to get clean. In fact, we can also have fun and make them look forward that time when they are having that activity. Favorite color clothing can also help to get the motivation to clean themselves and have a new outfit to wear. The example that you gave with the cologne can also be translated in taking a picture with an outfit change : this shirt looks so bright with these flowers, we should take a picture for your grand children... After we bathe, use lotion and change, why don't we go outside and take a picture. The necessity to put sunscreen on can help too. Washing face after putting make up can be a way to wash the upper body too. Or by getting hair done and shaving in desired style. Sometimes, it can get unconfortable to take a bath or shower because the water is harsh, at a temperature that is unconfortable or the room is cold. Having a confortable wash cloth and a big enought towel can also help to respect modesty. Putting the towel in the dryer so that it is warm can bring a agreable moment or spa like experience to enjoy. Choosing a fragrant soap can be a motivation too. Do you like the lavander fragrance or the rose fragrance better? Now, let's wash. Some people might also look to have fun with a bath bomb or with a funny soap as there is at Lush cosmetic. Some are kept in the refrigerator and can help to refresh when it's hot in summer. If modesty is an issue, some bath bombs or bubble bath have coloring or will let water level brings a sense of intimacy. Finding easy to wear clothes can also be helpful if changing clothes is a challenge that brings bad memories. A seamstress can also make alterations on existant clothes so that they are easier to wear. Don't forget to take care of yourself too in this difficult time. Taking care of loved ones can be very demanding and asking help from professionnal care worker can bring a release that is well needed and helps you providing better care for a longer period with reduced stress and anxiety. It might also be easier for a loved one that is reluctant to have a set appointment with a professionnal in uniform.

[@rustyreynolds6619]

I give my dad a haircut and tell him he’ll need a shower to get off all the little hairs. In the meantime my mom gets his clean clothes out and the water warm. He’s pretty agreeable after his haircut and head/neck/upper back massage!

[@ScaryMary-7]

Need them dried after bidet Great ideas as I bring foot bath for mom She has issues with filthy hands 🙌🏻 so soaking her hands is great idea

[@rebeccacurtis6680]

Good ideas. Thank you. Baby wipes have been a standard in my hm since I had my son in 2000. They had been used often for him when we were in a rush or something so he/we would take a "wipe bath" instead for a quick clean. These days, with my Mom not wanting to shower, I've been having her use baby wipes in between showers and also to clean her bottom after going #2 so she stays cleaner. I have to instruct her as she cleans, though. I believe Cetaphil lotion can also be used w/o water & am considering using it for her face & wiping it off with a warm rag. She won't wash her face & her Rosacea gets bad.

[@raydeo61]

Great suggestions and approaches.

[@patriciagruteke1517]

I like your idea very helpful 😊

[@amykelley4610]

Thanks for the good ideas.

[@carolinehill3759]

These are great suggestions! Thank you. Both my parents have dementia. A carer bathes my Mum, who always resists. My Dad just wont bathe. Life is sh1t.... at times. However, these ideas might help.

[@nancymayberry1900]

We got some bad news Friday. My husband with dementia was diagnosed with esophageal cancer again. 20 yrs without any cancer. We are 71 yrs old now and he has gone through many other things since. Latest before this is rapid heartrate which the cardiologist said that 15 to 20 yrs out from his initial cancer, organs start to break down. On the positive side we've had 20 yrs that we weren't sure we'd have back then. He's seen 5 grandkids born to us, we had one back then. He's got a strong will to live but at this time he's down to 154 lbs skin and bones. But we have tests on Friday and Thursday so will know more than.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

I'm so sorry to hear this Nancy. Sending positive thoughts to you and your husband

[@AF-ke9by]

How heartbreaking! Love and light for you and your husband.

[@sherronallen4077]

HOW’S YOUR HUSBAND? I’M PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

[@nancymayberry1900]

@@sherronallen4077 he is slowly losing ground. 145 lbs, skin and bones. We are working with hospice. His blood pressure was low the last 2 weeks. Today seemed like he was struggling with breathing and talking. Sleeps off and on in the daytime, He also thinks the cancer has decided to get active because his esophagus feels like it is narrowing. We've been married 53 yrs hard to watch your loved one just fade away. He was a very strong robust guy, but since this last diagnosis it's been tough. He asked his oncology Dr a few weeks ago if she had a time frame for him and she said 'if you asked me at the last diagnosis I would of said 2 months. But here you are one year later.' He's a strong willed guy and wants to live. Thank you for asking. Kind of you.

[@rachelsanders2314]

@@nancymayberry1900 Praying for you!

[@sandrapride1046]

My mom always likes to go to church so she would shower the night before church and Wednesday Bible study. I had to get her up two hours before we had to be somewhere so morning shower would have only lengthened that. She did get up sometimes in the middle of the night to shower because she was going to church. She’s in a wonderful nursing home now.

[@billbernhard3582]

Would you consider tackling an episode engaged with an obvious lead-up to institutional care - the sights and signals and even procedures & conversations that would normally lead to a change, indicating the need for institutional care. Most of us do not want to take this action, so it seems logical that we could zoom right past the the signposts, indicating the need for a change. A visit to a nursing home, possibly, to introduce the prospect of the change ?

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Hi Bill! You make some great points and the decision to pursue nursing home care can be difficult. I did a video on this several years ago that should address some of your questions: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aYvYmaR-gJ2qeqc

[@CarolSteinfeld]

Visiting the memory care facility didn't help us. She still wants to leave. And won't bathe, not even her hair, which she would do before. It's heartbreaking. I live 1000 miles away, and my father, her husband, has health issues.

[@billbernhard3582]

@@CarolSteinfeld Greetings Carol. I have just concluded a three year care project for a long-time, 100 year old friend - the result of her eventual death, from natural causes. As a result of this experience, I'm just now beginning to figure out the lessons from it all. My friend got her wish - to die in her own home, among the things she knew and with which she could still relate, somewhat. But of course, I had a lot of help too, especially with the bathing and cleanliness tasks. Do you have access to social services assistance for your concerns and problems in this process? Without cleanliness, infection quickly arrives. I'm not an expert - just someone who has been through what you're going through now. Expert Home Care is always preferable, but not always possible. So reach out for guidance and help as you figure out how best to proceed. I was very lucky too, due to the resources that were available to me to hire. fire & supply the home care needs. In order for family and care-givers to provide best care, they must first be secure and content in their own lives. Only then can they attempt to accept of the realities of managed care.

[@retineshilares2497]

Having hair dresser apointment might help to transition. Getting used to have someone wash our hair and bridge the time spent at home and the one at the residence might make it easier. Maybe a spa for elderly with a massage therapist, even over clothes can help to find the new personnal boundaries needed to be assisted and taken care of.

[@wandaulmer4229]

Thank you for those great ideas!! We have been using disposable wash clothes that can be warmed in the microwave!! We do a bed bath on her!

[@chandraw.3905]

Thank you

[@petrashappyplace]

I was thinking that you could also get one of those packages of wipes and store them in a "warmer" like they have for babies, and use wipes. Sometimes the LOWD has a fear of water or doesn't like being totally exposed so something as un-invasive as baby wipes might work. Plus - they are disposable and SOME are even flush-able.

[@gigimoore3738]

Nice idea....but please don't flush any wipes, even if they say that they are flushable. I've seen reports on how bad that they clog city sewer lines. It's not pretty & someone has to clean them out.

[@MarieJesne]

Definitely get a heated bidet if at all possible. It is OK to cut costs on the bidet if you don't have dementia but for someone who does, the cold shock of water is hard to get accustomed to

[@lorettawatkins5024]

My neighbor got her loved one to wash her back for her and then said wow that feels so good, now let me do your back, mom. It worked.

[@user-fr2eq3hq9n]

I am elderly with mobility problems caused by tremor. in legs meaning I can't stand for long and feel unbalanced when I do. I try to shower at least twice a week but it is hard for me to manage alone. I have bought non slip shoes to wear in shower, a stool so I can sit and one of those suction grab handles to help me get in., I have only had one fall in there so far and that is because I tried to shift the stool whilst sitting and it tipped back. In between showers i wash myself top and bottom at the sink whilst seated at the toilet next to it, I fill an empty washing up liquid bottle with water to squirt and wash my privates and a nice bar of Sanex soap and drying on separate flannels for face and privates. It keeps me clean after using the toilet and before going to bed. I would hate to smell. It is hard getting older when you have a disability too.

[@retineshilares2497]

Thanks a lot for your valuable testimony. It's true that using new safety dispositives require adaptation and it can be more difficult with a disability. If there is an adapted exercice class you can attend, you might learn how to live with your body a little better and reevalute your abilities. Sometimes, when aging, we focus of what we can no longer do instead of on what we still can. You are also doing new things too! I wish you many fun years to come with your love ones and friends.

[@user-fr2eq3hq9n]

@@retineshilares2497 Thank you so much for your kind and supportive comment and I hear what you are saying. I will be trying to incorporate more exercise in my day through some valuable youtube video's with sitting exercises.

[@kathyk1690]

The last time my husband was going to get in the shower, he became so terrified that I haven't tried again. The look on his precious face was heartbreaking. We have a bidet, but he usually sits crooked on the toilet seat so I mainly use it to get water on the toilet paper so I can clean him. He has needed help going to the toilet for a couple of years now. I found some no rinse wipes that later up when you wet them and those have been great! I usually get him to just sit on the toilet and scrub him down with those scrubzz and just pat him dry. We also have the regular no rinse cleaning cloths, but I love the scrubzz because of the no rinse later it creates. We do not have a walk in shower, so he has to step over the tub to get in the shower. It's just so scary for him that I'm afraid he will fall. I'm hoping this is a good enough way to keep him clean.

[@toinimoore3463]

Warm water is nice it’s wonderful 😊

[@danakelly892]

The bidet has been very helpful. I no longer need to help clean my husband after he uses the toilet. The bidet attaches to your existing toilet, just remove existing toilet seat.

[@Dinngg0]

The bidet is a huge time saver, highly recommended. It does not always do the job however. Once in a while there'll be more feces smeared there than the Bidet can help with. I have learned by experience that the wet wipes don't always work either. There can be more feces just at the end and every time I wipe more just comes out. In that case the ONLY thing that works is to get her in the shower. I have a gloved hand and an old washcloth and she gets all clean in no time. She still doesn't want to bathe, but in that situation she does not have a choice.

[@druchampion-payne1489]

My husband has Alz and we've been married for 35 years. But last year he received an official diagonosis and that's when taking a shower became a battle. All the previous years we never battled showers (he hates taking a tub). But for over a year now he's resisted taking a shower. And I've tried positive reinforcement by telling him how great he smells after a shower and want to cuddle with him, but that does not work with my husband. He genuinely doesn't care about how bad he smells.

[@thomasblanchard4390]

You r not alone ! Nothing I've tried works;. only leads to " R u telling me I stink ! When I hug her , I hold her arms down. When she puts her arms around me, the stink is so bad that my eyes water. She says the shower spray is not painful. She refuses to use a wash cloth only her hands. Yet she will shave her legs and underarms but the smell persists !

[@igigirising6150]

My mom whose 89 WILL NOT wash herself at all. I've tried positive reinforcement and when she sees the tub set up like a spa, she says HELL NO I'm not bathing. My dad gave up on her. This is a repeated cycle and I'm very tired. She even steals my underwear to only soil them and leave them laying around in her room. Today I said "enough is enough". I restricted access to my bedroom downstairs and removed any underwear she had in her drawer and go her some depends to wear. She even does random shit that a five ye old does making mess purposely to cause confusion. She spits on the floor in her room and us just outright nasty. I said to myself , please don't let me become like that when I'm up in age. I still have patience but it's starting to affect my health. I said I will not allow anyone cause my health to fail due to foolishness. I love my mom dearly BUT she has got to do better with this.

[@retineshilares2497]

@@igigirising6150 It takes time after the stress of taking care of a loved one that is ill gets away. Usually, we still think of those painful memories we have after the situation has passed, but sometimes for some families, the children also need care as well as the parents. When we are still well, we learn to take care of ourselves as we age and can plan for the future. We can choose confortable clothes, have them labelled, choose some products we like, make playlists of music we like. Save money to find a nice retirement home... I wish you the resilience you need during the struggle with your mother and to get the wellness you well deserve. I am confident that you will grow as a person and overcome many issues for yourself. Having locks in a shared space might be needed to limit erratic and problematic behaviors.

[@Hbcdehjkidc]

My grandmother in law refuses our efforts to shower her. The only time in 2 months she's showered was when we rented a hotel and the whole family took her Took her to take a shower twice and both times she refused once there. I would do the pedicure thing but as a stay at home Mom I don't really see the way for me to commit to this whole ritual every week. Honestly I myself barely have time to shower.

[@Hbcdehjkidc]

Also, the way cloth, she does this herself but it's obviously missing large parts of herself, I will offer to help and she refuses. I don't wanna force it

[@retineshilares2497]

@@Hbcdehjkidc Maybe you can ask her help first to gain her confidence? Can you help me with my sunscreen, I have trouble to do my back? Would you like my help to clean yours?

[@eileenm1402]

Something to keep in mind with regard to a bidet toilet seat - you will probably need a plumber to hook up the wash feature and if you want the water warm or the toilet seat warmed you may need an electrician.

[@TerracottaMs]

if you are close to an electrical outlet it will be an easy hook p-no electrician. and it is so easy thatwith the enclosed great instruction the water hook up is also easy. try it!

[@soniasias6226]

I picked up one at Wal-Mart. $28. Installed myself in 10 minutes and it works good.

[@mairismetal8135]

I can still get my mother Inlaw into the bath 🛁,but it’s a struggle to keep her focused ,once we have her tops off and pants half off she pulls her pants back up and grabs her tops because she’s cold

[@chrisemmert1387]

Your recommendations are great. My problem is my wife has hearing issues and cannot hear most of what I say to her. She also has aphasia and cannot talk/answer any questions, even if she does understand with her dementia.

[@alwaysbossy2533]

Send her away ASAP

[@retineshilares2497]

Maybe you can you a visual plastified cardboard to communicate?

[@JafoolyPorchers]

I got my dad too wash his hair by cutting it for him! Similar to the pampering idea! 2 for 1 result!

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Amazing!! 💖💖💖

[@JafoolyPorchers]

@@DementiaCareblazers no u are! Hehe

[@lordhamercy9098]

Timely

[@jamespeck5843]

Hi how r u . Thanks so much so helpful. As mom is in dementia. I need help to cope n learn how to do this thank u so much

[@DementiaCareblazers]

You are so welcome!

[@jamespeck5843]

Just need so much help . To find my wY n I love ur videos

[@blueminnie13]

Hello James, I love Dr. Natilie's videos. There's something for every topic and the videos get to the point. Dr. Natilie's series of care blazer interviews was also very comforting to me. There's so much honestly in them which is much more helpful than advice from people that aren't care giving 24/7. If you are a new caregiver, also check out Teepa Snow on YT. She has a very different delivery but I found her explanations about limited vision, sensitivity, how to hold someone to move them, and how to cope with the delusions very helpful.

[@jamespeck5843]

@@blueminnie13 omg thank you so much. I think I'm just starting this new journey on dementia. My mom was hit with it for yrs . But she is at a point that she needs care . It's seen no one hears me .thanks for reaching out

[@lilys7431]

Just gave me a great idea, I can get Mom psyched for cleanup by getting her lotion on her back and get some human touch worked in there. Thanks 😊 She goes for manicure and pedicure routinely so limbs are covered.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

That's a great idea!

[@terehoward4896]

Have you any suggestions for use of alcohol? My husband has had an anxiety disorder most of his life. He was a complete teetotaler until about 10 years ago. He was in a very stressful job and began to use wine to relax. Never was a problem until he entered into dementia. Now I must dole it out or he would drink unlimited amounts. It has become a source of contention between us because as he deterioates he wants more and more. He has bought some and hides it, and I always know because he drinks too much and acts accordingly. How do I cope with his growing alcoholism?

[@cmstacy]

Great question...maybe try AA for some information. Contacting his physician would be the first step. Alcholism is nothing to be messed with on an unprofessional level. Dementia is a heartbreaking diagnosis for everyone involved. I'm facing the first stages with my husband now. Get any and all info as much as you can. Many resources available. Good luck with your loved one. Don't forget it's not their fault.

[@retineshilares2497]

Maybe you can show some tolerance. So that his concern to hide his alcool is no longer an issue. Maybe it will reduces his stress and drinking. You can also offer him to buy it for conveniance. So you can monitor the quantity and his budget. You can also ask for a drink so he doesn't drink the full bottle. Sometimes alcool is there as part as socialisation and alcoolism is replacing friendship and meals. With time, you can share his favorite meals and reduce some alcool consumption. You can also say : I'm having iced tea, for example, would you like to have a glass with me. Elderly have memories of various non alcoolic beverage too. Changing the size of the glasses or adding ice cubes can help to get the volume that is drank less hamfull. Making a sangria with spritz and fruits can lower the alcool intake and keeps it enjoyable.

[@pityparty9955]

I don’t like to bathe more than every 3 days because my skin is soo dry. Don’t like greasy lotions either. I go by the oiliness of my hair. To combat complaints I use strongly scented talcum between showers.

[@retineshilares2497]

You can ask to someone to find a soap that is superfatted. These oil based soaps helps to keep the skin more soft, especially in winter. Maybe a lotion with a nice smell will convince you. I'm not a big fan either, I totally get it. Hope you are having a nice day. :)

[@vistulacooper6802]

Bidet? NOPE!!!!! Next.....Mani/Pedi? NOPE!!!! Tried that tonight, NOPE!!!! NEXT......Warm washcloth? NOPE!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏

[@judymclaughlin6993]

I'm to the point why bother for someone who could care less.

[@alwaysbossy2533]

Exactly

[@LorraineHuff]

1. Because you love them 2. Because you don’t want to see sores on their skin. 3. Because you might want to take them out occasionally or have visitors drop by. 4. Because you may have to live with the smell. 5. Did I mention because you love them and want what’s best for them?

[@PoeInTheDitch]

Because they have a horrible memory disease that isn't their fault, and it's neglect. Is it incredibly hard for their caregivers? Of course. Quite possibly the hardest thing someone will ever have to do. But, it's not the dementia victim's fault. They're not in control of themselves, anymore. And as hard as it is for us, it's Hell for them. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And if your loved one is blood-related, I hate to break it to you, but there's a significant chance that you will get dementia, as well. Wouldn't you hope that someone would help you considering that you'll behave the same way if/when you suffer from dementia?

[@cheryljune1603]

This was my mother during the end

[@Jude13able]

I think I have been doing this wrong..... I tell my dad that his room smells like someone spread s--- all over the walls and he stank and the whole house smells like sickness and he doesn't wash his a--. But the crazy thing is he goes and take a good shower every time. The way I tell him is by being harsh because if I try to be nice and stuff he won't listen.

[@igigirising6150]

My dad doesnt like flushing the toilet behind himself. Ive hung up signs in the bathroom as reminders. Ita like hes marking his territory or something. This is a living hell. I told my son that one day im gonna get in my car and not return back.😢😢

[@retineshilares2497]

I checked for the price for an automated flushed with a sensor and it's not as expensive as I thought it would be. Maybe he's afraid to clog the toilet. Having the fan working when he's there might be a necessity. Try to find some support online or in your neighborhood. It's normal to be overwhealmed.

[@knotwerken]

great suggestions ... don't work

[@DementiaCareblazers]

What happened?

[@DementiaCareblazers]

How can I help you?

[@knotwerken]

Thanks! You have helped in so many ways.

[@andreahawkins5890]

Things are starting to get to cutting the shirt off on the sides looking for paper tops potato patao

[@alwaysbossy2533]

Who has the time to do this daily on day to day basis ? Honestly ? Especially to a mentally ill old person . Nope

[@alwaysbossy2533]

This is just a complete waste of time. Throw them away ASAP to old people home and forget they exist