When the narcissist knows you're onto them

[@meadowdevor]

Get 3 Minute Empowerment Plan delivered to your inbox 📬 meadowdevorcourses.com/uplevel-weekly-yt?el=ep-66

[@Ironman4u]

" Roumors are started by haters"...." Spread by fools"...and..." Accepted by idiots!"....

[@tswrench]

Remember this: A narcissist seeks to destroy those whom they can no longer control.

[@breecocco7961]

True! So very true!

[@Snezanah]

@@tswrench if they control you or not, they go for destroy.

[@ter2645]

Oh, that's so true! Once I told my best friend the most important secret of what helps me stay stable to cope with my childhood trauma. Then I found out he is a narcissist, just using me, and wanted to stop the relationships quietly, without any conversations about it. But he turned everything as if he decided to leave, and in the end, in the last message that he wrote me, he attacked the very thing I told him about. I lost normal sleep for about 2 years after that. I had to rebuild myself again. Never ever trust your secrets related to your mind health.

[@tswrench]

@@ter2645 -- Narcissists have no empathy--they are incapable of it. Along with that comes boundary issues. Those two aspects alone (and there are many more) add up to a potential nightmare for anyone unfortunate enough to have divulged very personal, core information. I have had to learn how to withhold that type of information until I really know someone. Choose wisely--remain whole.

[@tswrench]

​@@ter2645 -- Narcissists have no empathy--they are incapable of expressing real empathy. Along with that comes boundary issues. Those 2 aspects alone add up to a potential nightmare for anyone unfortunate enough to confide their most intimate and core details. The narcissist can't process deeply personal information in human terms, because--again--they have neither empathy, nor compassion. They subsume the information in case they need it to manipulate you in some other way, and without any boundaries they feel entitled to use it in any way they choose--that's the type of control they live for. Wishing for you a path free of narcissists.

[@dianemoril7612]

since my experience with my covert narc ex, I changed completely my behavior: when I suspect to be dealing with a narc. I just stop empathizing. the shop is closed. whatever is said and done from this point will be welcomed with a "talk to my hand" inside my head. and for everything exposing the narc's strategy, I'll just be counting "here is the first.... yep, the second..." etc. I am not there anymore, I am not an actor of the scene, I become spectator and judge. what changed my perspective it a sentence I read about managing empathy: god told you to be kind, he didn't ask you to be stupid.

[@vintagecocoanutgrove5184]

@@dianemoril7612 very well said! 👊

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Love that so much!!! God told you to be kind - He didn't ask you to be stupid!! Yes yes yes

[@lorifenner4048]

I watch a lot of KZbin videos on narcissism; yours is the most practical as far as actually having the tools to deal with it. Thank you so much for your efforts.

[@meadowdevor]

Thank you for saying so. You're very kind to take the time.

[@Sipndoodledoodlers1]

I agree!!

[@williamlee5313]

Absolutely best content I've seen on Narcs. Thank you for transforming your personal hardships into something we can all benefit from..

[@upzang]

Well said. I agree 100%

[@virginiabeaulieu5624]

I fully agree!

[@JackN808]

11 Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was a "professional narcissist", meaning she was a highly educated mental health therapist. When I discovered her own NPD and tried to gently let her know what she was, I had the police at my front door when I got home. According to her, she told the police that I was an acquaintance at her front door stalking her. LOL... thank God the police knew I was legit. But going "no contact" was easy after that night.

[@gitanashimmy4756]

Wow. That's a narcissist for sure.

[@saladfork_]

Holy crap. I hope my situation doesn't get this bad, but I also dated a girl who was a highly educated professor and mental health therapist. I started noticing things and suggested we go to therapy and oddly enough, she was against her own profession for some reason. Nearly two months after I was finally able to break it off and step away, she randomly launched an attack on my character claiming I was abusive and unsafe and that all her "real" friends should block and unfriend me. Totally bizarre and confusing. I cared so much for her and tried to make it work. But I had to let her go. I still pray for her and hope she finds healing.

[@JackN808]

@@saladfork_ Good that you that you saw the trouble before it was too late. The enemy is always looking for someone to destroy. I will bever let myself get to place where a woman can falsely accuse me of anything. Especially rape, where jail time is certain. Knowlege about the truth will set you free and keep you free. 🙏🙏

[@bronwyntanner4501]

My mother! She dominated controlled and manipulated me for 54 years. March 2013 she sent me a message via my (ex) husband: "tell her I want nothing further to do with her." I had done the push/pull relationship with her for so long. I had endure the silent treatment all my life. I had never known what I did wrong. Nothing was ever resolved. Everything was always my fault. I was never enough. Now no contact for 11 years. I learn daily about narcissism - because there are so many!!! Ex husband. Ex romance 2018. Five former friends - and counting. No contact with them all. I can't believe how many I have surrounded myself with!!! I heal and grow and recover daily! Thanks for your input

[@ML-nz6fr]

Wow and sorry for your painful experience mine been long too

[@beingilluminous]

Kudos to you and being able to face it, and so much compassion for having a mother who betrays. The recovery, to see the years we invested in relationships that were always control dramas, and the grief once we realize it, is so much!! It's taken so long to be seen/heard, at 45, I am so glad I'm not alone~! My family of Origin leaned into the tactics to see me as a scapegoat and the LC due to non-engagement, while *knowing* the past of smear campaigns, it's all I can do to focus on reclaiming my mental/emotional/physical healthy. Thank you for being in the world!

[@Lilione111]

Look at yourself. That’s what I had to do. I had to ask myself why so many? Am I a magnet for them 😂 why do I attract them into my life. I worked on not needing to be liked, or feel like I have rescue people & the list goes on. I think Narcs can see I’m an easy target. These videos are good for us & we need to study them & all about narcs to protect ourselves. We need to see the red flags & run a mile before they are embedded in our lives. Maybe you attract them too, because you have a narc as a parent & even though you don’t want it I. Your life, it is what you are most familiar with, so maybe you are drawn to them? Anyway, just my thoughts 😂 good luck!

[@Shadowman...]

The person who cares the least, controls the situation.

[@lareverie8285]

So accurate 😢

[@Shadowman...]

@@lareverie8285 A better saying is - If your being treated badly, chances are, your cooperating with the treatment.

[@RobNiser]

@@lareverie8285 good remark

[@sparrowwren8673]

I'm going through the smear campaign right now. I am just keeping to myself and learning as much as I can to survive. I have no family and am being triangulated by the narc and two other women. It's very difficult for me I just moved into a new apartment across country and the NARC rang my doorbell and came into my apartment and verbally attacked me for NO REASON. She was yelling and calling me names out of the blue. I guess she has been queen bee for the last ten years here in the complex and people were being super nice to me, greeting me , helping me carry furniture and such. I asked her to leave and she did. Now she is banging on my door late at night, early in the morning and just running away like a child (she's in her sixties). She has currently employed two flying monkeys, (single old women , her best friends) to drill me (they are so obvious). I pretty much hide in my new apartment and that is sad because this was supposed to be a new beginning for me. It took me two weeks to drive here, I got rid of all my stuff and started my life over and within two days of being here. A narcissist is harassing me. Please , can I get any suggestions? What should I do?

[@Lilione111]

I have to say…I’m an absolute expert at doing ‘grey rock’. It’s been the best tool for me. You get a big backlash at first (in my experience)…they escalate, but overtime they get bored. With one of my colleagues, it took 2 years, but I persisted. The colleague became aggressive & a hundred other things & I had to put up with the others turning on me too…but I stuck it out. Eventually, others had problems with her too. After 2 years, she tried to get in my good books. I still ignored her & stayed grey rock. Then I left the job. I’ve had to deal with 2 others…& now I’m learning to spot them & hopefully, stop attracting them 😂 You can’t do much about colleagues, it I can hopefully make sure I don’t get involved with another or start a friendship.

[@violentnewworld]

Worst thing is that these freaks are everywhere. You cannot escape them and when you start to recognise the signs and actions, you will realise they are in your group of friends, they are in your family, they are in your work place, the police, the government, the council, pub, football team........... They are everywhere. I fight them all the time. The only real battle I've lost was when I worked opposite one. I ways do things my way and he didn't like it, he basically set me up to fail at every turn. I simply refused to work with him any longer and moved to another department. The ones that are dug in deep are not worth the hassle. Best to simply move on. Pick your battles with them, they are driven by spite, and deluded by their own feelings of grandeur. Walk away or play dumb.

[@Charactermatters1]

They are everywhere!!!

[@narcicide8814]

They ARE everywhere indeed! Something needs to be done about this.

[@-Siculus-Hort-]

...i think i may be one. damn it.

[@kylekillgannon]

It's kind of like the movie They Live. Once you have seen them with shades on, you can't unsee them.

[@violentnewworld]

@@-Siculus-Hort- start doing things to help others become stronger, build up people who not only need the help but deserve it. Do things for people and expect nothing in return. Take pleasure educating, if you're good at something show others how to be good. Be humble. We all have parts of our personality that can be narcissistic, sometimes we act in selfish ways, it doesn't mean you are a narcissist. Narcissistic traits are there to protect us and keep us strong, they are a healthy part of every person. Narcissism or NPD is different, its a way of describing someone who is completely out of control, narcissism has become them and dominates their personality, there is no balance in them. Don't worry, i have questioned many times if i am narcissistic, people say the fact you question it automatically means you are not one, as they are perfect in their own eyes. It should be impossible to doubt their own brilliance. In realty, you will know you are narcissistic. You will know you lie and deceive for personal gain or attention. Why don't you test yourself and start doing good things for people without expectation or exploitation. Be happy when you help someone. You may simply be used to encountering these people, you may have developed strategies to fight back without realizing.

[@shiannecouch4844]

"Don't become to passive" Very important statement.

[@dariaschooler]

My Ex took out a 2 million dollar life insurance policy after 20 yrs of marriage. Talk about letting things go too long! Only by God’s Grace and Mercy am I alive and free from this monster.

[@def87lep]

I think this is happening to my 70 year old father. His wife is evil.

[@CarolHalford2025]

By God's Grace and Mercy INDEED! Monsters do exist, we just need to know how to identify them, and skills to repel them. God bless you, I pray your life is more peaceful now.

[@samuelbell3281]

Life insurance is made to help you when he's gone.

[@TouchdownJesusMB]

😢 Would you kindly share with us how you found out? 🌺 Blessings!

[@winkyhere8697]

​@@samuelbell3281 *Not* if the policy is on *her* life. 💀

[@JD-nd1oz]

This is so spot on. My sister got to my friends and worked her machinations, so that they turned against me. In the end I worked out that it was best I keep future friends out of her vortex. She even tried this with the extended family. Unbelievable the lengths of devastation narcs will cause, whilst playing the victim.

[@writer1986]

I used to teach, and I sniffed out a narc on the team. I ignored her covert aggression and constant attention-seeking behavior. Because she couldn’t get a reaction out of me, she smeared my name and turned two other teammates against me. I finally cried to a supervisor (because they were all cold, passive aggressive, and would team up against me), and the culprit fled the school. Her flying monkeys then tossed her fake friendship away.

[@meadowdevor]

I'm sorry to hear that you went through this. 💔

[@vintagecocoanutgrove5184]

Ditto experience. Standing with you. You are courageous and authentic.

[@virginiabeaulieu5624]

I knew a teacher like this - always played the victim but was the one creating the drama. It took me a minute to realize how manipulative she is, but luckily I took what she said about other teachers with a grain of salt. She's gone to another school and surprise - found drama there too.

[@notaclue822]

A narc can whip up huge drama out of nothing and people buy it too. I really got hurt and I withdrew for a very long time. It was so toxic I couldn't stand it.

[@NobodybutJesus]

Borderline Personality Disorder is oftentimes in a relationship with the narcissist

[@Kayprofessor]

Everybody’s view of me changed over night because she knew she had to destroy my reputation to save herself after what she did to me.

[@racebannon96]

Now you will find out who your real friends are and who you can trust. I went through it too. There isn't much you can do about it. People that know you won't be fooled.

[@detjaggillar8081]

​@@racebannon96Absolutely 💥👊 I was in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist for 10 years until I discarded him and left. His smearcampaign lives still with some of his old Flying Monkeys and some of our common friends. So those "so called" friends we have together (me and the narcissist) and his Flying Monkeys I got NC too and of course the narcissist too. I left him for 11 years ago but the gossips is still "flying around" in the air but some people has started to understand that he WAS a covert narcissist and that he made those false lies about me. That aware started last year after the narcissist died in february 2023 and his own 6 grown up child told every gossiper that MY story (and their story) was the truth and that those friends of the narcissist has been duped by the narcissist. It was a chock to the narcissist so called old friends... 🤥 And No: Those people are still not my friends 😅

[@randallblanchard4534]

Narcissists in a room full of narcissists, will t generate a lot of heat, instead of a lot of light, but will eventually sort-themselves-out, and they will form a "pecking-order" .

[@Shadowman...]

That's what happens in state prisons

[@Lilione111]

@@Shadowman...interesting. I’ve not thought about it, but makes sense.

[@michignamymichigan]

The covert is so much more difficult to decern.

[@Snezanah]

The covert a lot of times...I assume, say not much about themselves. Try to go deep. Ask them about their marriage(feels brutal but you maybe answer to these questions but when they say they are married...and not even go further and you feel in your stomach or something a kind of tence, then it's their boundary already. Try to go further with questions as in .. "you are now here, why not with your children?"just listen. Maybe they are like: 'sometimes this or that" when they are not go transparant and you think afterwards they leave you with more questions...than it's not ok.

[@JonathanHancoc]

Amen 🙏

[@SLC259]

💯 so hard to see the covert ones

[@RobNiser]

difficult to decern , but when you know You exactly know what you can expect .

[@Mo0shii]

Covert observes you, done.

[@ebonzalez3408]

11:50 💎"Fear escalates into overwhelm and anxiety WHEN you don't take action."💎 That's a good piece of advice. Thank you for this.

[@Anne-zl1ij]

You absolutely nailed this. I have Asperger's and we tend to be easy targets for narcissists. My first experience with a smear campaign absolutely destroyed my life. I went from someone who people wanted to work for them, to being black listed in a day. And guess why, because the narcissist convinced me she was overloaded with work so i agreed to help her. When i realized i was doing her job for her and called her out she created a HUGE smear campaign. It’s a decade later and I'm still paying for it. She sent people to our house to pretend they were buying it. I lost friends. I couldn’t get a new job( small town). I was 25. The worst part though, was the flying monkeys. Why so people HELP the narcissist?

[@meadowdevor]

I’m sorry you are going through this.

[@NobodybutJesus]

Watch the milgram experiment. Most peeps are not trustworthy. It is a hard to go through. Trust none but yourself. Truth is ❤ we don't need people.

[@Xianne027]

When I calmly said to my bf "That's your perspective. And I gave my perspective." She screamed aggressively, "Nooo! There is no other perspective!"

[@anniehendricks8678]

Run!!

[@Xianne027]

@@anniehendricks8678 I 've cut off all contact. She had bluffed me way too long, masquerading as a normal person.

[@Xianne027]

@@aprilc1077 Exactly!

[@DaskaiserreichNet78]

It is highly unlikely that your bf is in fact your bf.

[@Xianne027]

@@DaskaiserreichNet78 Well, not anymore after she showed such blatant narcism!

[@Noonien96-nx6yj]

Twenty years ago I narrowly escaped the ire of a clique of people who were like how this video describes. It wasn't like Meadow's wedding story, but this clique liked to highjack other people's treasured experiences, and they even had ways of getting the police involved in enforcing their sabotage. I now perceive police as infinitely stupid after having seen how they were so easily exploited by a clique of privileged people. I'm always going to eye police officers with suspicion after what I saw. Five years ago I encountered one of the manipulators and we spoke politely, but when she asked about my goings-on I lied my ass off to her. She was a likable person but she'd been an enthusiastic part of that clique and I trusted her not at all. Then I slowly began to find out that most of them had steered themselves into insane disasters. Then this past winter, I encountered the ring leader. He was all alone, and he was a pitiful, disheveled wreck of a person. I would feel pity for almost anyone else even people I don't like, but seeing him made me feel very good. He was once a bad, bad man. If I hadn't escaped when I did, I would've shared those people's fate I'm certain. Civilized society won't let you get away with treating people the way Meadow describes here. Privilege makes it possible to put your fingers into other people's pie, but it's not sustainable I've known other people who did stupid awful things, but the crowd I knew in my youth was exactly like this. I used to refer to them as rock-throwers, because I couldn't figure out how else to describe them

[@Shadowman...]

rock -throwers, I like that, and so true. Karma always gets them in the end. They all seem to be oblivious to the fact that we all live in a physical and SPIRITUAL universe. They think their actions have no boomerang effect. Many of the people in my past who were mean, nasty or had little integrity and seemed to take pleasure in hurting me and others are all dead today~I don't think that's a coincidence...

[@zoepearson5843]

The police force attracts narcs and power-hungry no*heads.

[@Taricus]

I called mine a pack of wolves

[@crwonshe]

I needed to protect my sanity and my son from my narc mum and brother, so I'm not longer communicate with them.

[@forgiven5919]

My dear father was married to a malignant narc (my "mother")for 40 years. We knew he frequently used the non commital word "well" in conversation, now I know why, so that old woman could not twist his words into something he didnt say.

[@rainygreene9161]

My favorite is when you shared something personal that happened to you and later they are talking to you and suddenly have taken that thing in as if it happened to them.

[@carriecreative6555]

Mirroring, it’s annoying when you realize what they’re doing and creepy too.

[@Timothy2963]

The best advice you have offered is not to engage and especially don’t justify what you have been accused of. My life and vocation was destroyed by a narcissist / psychopath. When I was aware of the narcissistic I made the mistake of seeking support and solace with colleagues - huge mistake! I am an empath and couldn’t believe someone could act like this. I am now paralysed by Depression and PTSD. Your KZbin is one of the most concise and insightful things I’ve seen, thank you. I’ll stop crying soon.

[@Joani161]

My daughter took her life after a boss and boyfriend caused people at her work to turn against her after she left him.

[@Rockypf2]

I'm so sorry. As a mother, I can't imagine your pain. What was she like?

[@im_no1special_except2my_father]

Are you 100% sure it was her that did ? (& not someone narcissistic - sociopathic around her, like boss - boyfriend - a jealous or narcissistic - sociopathic female/male that liked someone else, that liked her/your daughter or gave her attention or got mad cause "they were "hurt" " by not being center of attention, (cause had to to take care of babies & the teenager sociopath decided I'm going to kill aunty's pets, take aunt's phone (so she can't call for help) & break aunt's bones.....)..... - etc.) ? (1 thing narcissists - sociopaths (past & present) threaten me with (since 4 yrs old & younger, & still do.....) was/is killing me (some/they'd "already done it before & gotten away with it") & making it look like self inflicted (why me & friends/acquaintances have made deal to make sure there is that an autopsy is done in case of death no matter what, even if it "looks like natural death".....) & they said then they'll go to my funeral & get fed/feed off peoples tears - pain - grief/emotions.....) (they watch your face - grief - emotions & copy it exactly/creepily.....)

[@hollyhahn586]

How incredibly sad 🥲 As a mother of 2 lovely ladies - I am heartbroken for you. There needs to be stronger intervention, penalties, and prosecution for: deliberate punitive alienations, false allegations to do intentional harm, and directed bullying - that gives no way out for the victims!😡 Uhhhggg!!!! Angers me greatly! I truly hope you can prove out the many egregious harms that were deliberate factors that caused her to sadly end her own life. 🙏🙏🙏

[@VictoriaxNichole]

I’m so sorry to hear this 😔

[@sistersusie8569]

Your videos are like a healing balm to my shredded soul, thank you

[@CarolHalford2025]

Yes, the PTSD we've "acquired" since childhood is a great warning flag. If you're triggered, and it feels like your childhood abuser coming at you.... use it. You can use that to alert your acquired understanding of narcissistic abuse, narc manipulation, etc. and how to deal with it "defensively" in a most effective way. Practice makes perfect. Excellent videos Meadow! Just found you today, June 24 2024, subbed, and looking forward to your wonderful and clear presentations. You are an excellent teacher, clear, precise, and everyday practical. Love it! THANK YOU! Carol

[@meadowdevor]

Thank you so much. So glad to have you as part of the community here. ❤️❤️

[@cloudwalkerme7]

It’s absolutely tough, when you have to recognise that your sibling is a full blown narcissist. So much manipulation. So much enabling & excuse making on their behalf while being put on a pedestal or knocked off your stool depending on how you’re meeting their needs. Add years of alcohol & drug abuse and added mental health issues. Then the realisation that the abusive push pull behaviour has been present since childhood. The out of hand rough play, the ripping in half your favourite toy, the running up & hitting you then running back to their spot so when the parent comes in & you’re crying they can say they didn’t do anything & you get into trouble for crying. I’ve really finally understood what I’ve been experiencing, couple with with the enabling of the behaviour from the narcissistic tendencies of a parent & disengagement from the other parent & I understand both my strength and sensitivity, also that I really need to understand & recognise my triggers and have strategies for myself to process while giving myself a feeling of safety.

[@donnalthompson9242]

Your explanation of, ...'being put on a pedestal or knocked off your stool' is perfect. Hope you're finding peace. It's in there, among the confusion and control. Thanks for your words

[@papi9114]

I don't often see people talking about sibling narcissistic behaviour, but I've been experiencing it intensely over the last three years, and like you it's as if I've suddenly had lightbulbs going on as I've recognised that it's been there through my whole life. Early situations that didn't make sense.... now I see the manipulation my brother used to remain 'top dog' and in control of our mother, her finances, and the family property. The smear campaign against me has been relentless. I've experienced dismay, disbelief, shock, sadness, fear. I hope you have some kind of support. I think I would have been destroyed without the support I've received. Stay strong. Remember this is about them not you. Observe. Stay grounded. It's not easy but you are not alone.

[@lulubells930]

@@papi9114thank you.

[@johncorson6599]

My brother is a malignant narcissist .. as soon as I started seeing it . I started grey rocking and sharing far less .. his behavior became highly aggressive and he started wearing a knife on hod belt loop around the house .. and many other disturbing behaviors .. I moved 3 weeks after he poisoned me with rat poison and cut all contact

[@stevegrifftx]

Psychopath too

[@JJLom777]

If he poisoned you, it sounds even more serious. I hope there's no one else living with him?

[@Rockypf2]

Narcissism paired with high risk behavior is a primary symptom of sociopathy. Good on you for cutting contact. Keeping a sociopath in your life is dangerous, I know from experience that they can be hard to get rid of.

[@johncorson6599]

@@Rockypf2 I don’t think he knows he is a narcissist either and I’m pretty certain absolutely none of my other 5 siblings know either though a sister or 2 may also be narcissists .. 1 likely . The other not sure but definite enabler/flying monkey It sucks totally

[@Rockypf2]

@@johncorson6599 That does suck. It's diagnostically recognized that narcissism can be inherited genetically and sometimes children who weren't always a narcissist can become a narcissist if they're exposed to certain behavior. Even if it's your own family causing problems, it's best to look out for ourselves and our mental health.

[@angelamyles23]

i think when they start to use the same avoidance tactics and silent treatment tactics is also difficult... they will use the boundaries concept for themselves and then accuse the other person of being invasive...

[@HeavenlyLights]

Take ACTION.

[@Shadowman...]

This happened to me - went to a family cookout one summer and everyone there didn't talk to me. ( smear campaign ) I showed up at 1pm which was the time my controlling narcissist mother told me it started. Later that day my cousin told me that EVERYONE was told to show up at 12 noon. As I look back, i remember telling my mother once how I hated walking into things like that late. She set me up. These people are psychotic. I'm 100% convinced.

[@lulubells930]

Same here.

[@Kayprofessor]

Same!

[@dariaschooler]

@@Shadowman... I have no doubt this behavior is diabolically influenced.

[@blakeforrest108]

Great points! Watch out for the narc method of gaslighting and rewriting history, both of themselves and you, it gets so disorienting.

[@Jophiel50]

What’s awesome is that I saw this video only after preparing a space where no one could actually touch me in this way… There are still narcissists in my life, but they really have no way to penetrate the fact that I keep it light and do no harm, and I literally care very little for the opinion of others. I feel so much safer and hope your videos reach so many.

[@jamesfenton7338]

Great advice, I figured this out after 50 years of being run over. I don't need narcissists or their "Friends", some folks figure it out, some don't, it doesn't matter to me. Presently living in a very small town, I have very few friends, but I do have friends. There is a local family that is comprised of 2 sociopaths, the kids, and two psychopaths, the parents, and it took me awhile before I figured it out. I called them on their sh1t, and have ignored them ever since. It worked, and now I am very sensitive to this psychology, it's just a shame it took me so long to figure this out.

[@glenndunn495]

Hi I am a toaster thank you sincerely you are my newest hero :) makes so much sense now

[@gitanashimmy4756]

I've watched several videos on how to deal with a narcissist and this one is one of THE most useful. Thank you Meadow, for giving EXAMPLES of what to day when they say X. I'm going to start this immediately. I live with one and life is HELL at home. As soon as he comes home, he starts complaining about how he thinks I messed up the house, the day, the atmosphere - all without even saying hello or me speaking a word. EVEN BEFORE THE FRONT DOOR IS CLOSED. I'm expected to sit there like a chastized little girl and explain myself. That stops today!

[@augustasimone9323]

I escaped 4 1/2 months pregenant and went No contact these 24 years now. Will never forget what was said and done . Very hard to forget the traumatic experiences but I have lead a very healthy life since leaving. I hope you find the ability to leave that Verbal abuse . Tell them you agree with them and then be gone. Create your own wittness protection plan and pray they never find you. Ghost them forever.

[@wendybond2848]

Thank you for being so open about your vulnerability, to help others. You are a strong shining warrior. The narcissists who hurt you are shrivelled things wailing in the dark.

[@meadowdevor]

Yes! Thank you!

[@carolyn4423]

OMG! I just ran across your videos and I cannot believe you had your wedding ruined by this person! How horrible to be celebrating your most cherished event (your wedding!) and then have all this happen to you! I am so sorry you had to go through this!!

[@sanjeevbains690]

So helpful Meadow, thank you. My trauma response is to FIGHT so I have to hold onto myself, and disengage. When I was threatened with violence I made sure I was as safe as possible.

[@aprilc1077]

❤❤❤

[@DartmoorPaul]

So on point, Meadow. My mum uses these escalations with abandon. When I first went into therapy for childhood trauma (it didn’t start that way but got to that realisation) and I went low contact with her and put boundaries in. She would then often text saying how she had spoken to other family members; aunts, cousins etc and told them how mean I was being to her. As a result none of my family speak to me anymore. Says a lot about them doesn’t it that no one has reached out asking if I’m ok. She is 86 and gets worse. Unfortunately, low is the best I can do as No contact doesn’t work for me right now. But it may come to that. Your videos really help. Thank you ❤

[@bartondarnell9694]

Hi Paul, sorry you have to endure this😔. Unfortunately, usually the first person to make a claim is the one that is believed. Then, no one wants to hear the other person’s story. One of the best things I have done when people talk like that is ask them for proof. When they don’t have it, I know someone is being gaslighted. I wish you luck, my friend.

[@shrinebox]

I have called strategic silence and the firebreak by the general term of "disengagement." I realized a long time ago that that the narcissist thrives on energy exchange of ANY kind, be it positive or negative. The one thing that they cannot stand and ultimately do not know how to react to is *total disengagement,* the complete lack of energy exchange of any kind. Whenever I perceive a narcissist in my environment, I move immediately to disengage from them, or to avoid all engagement with them in the first place.

[@Xianne027]

She was obviously envious of you and your husband for having found love. That's why she wanted to ruin your wedding. She couldn't stand seeing a happy couple and wanted to steal the spotlight.

[@FaithAlways71]

I had no idea my partner was a covert narcissist. Occasionally, I would have a fleeting thought they were a narcissist but would dismiss it because my only reference was an overt narcissist. After I separated, I was able to see their tactics, and I was able to reverse manipulate her by using her own words against her. It was so enlightening to watch the "spin out," trying to right the ship she navigated in unpleasant waters.

[@LuisA-fc3ox]

Man I’m glad I figured her out after a month and set barriers 2 months later. She immediately discarded me. It’s day 4 of no contact. Never again. What a demon.

[@hannahsalman2530]

OMG, all these things happened to me. I wish I'd found your channel years ago. I now suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and depression as a result of these tactics.

[@Clodhopping]

No contact is the only way - if only to avoid being on guard all the time in their presence.... which is so tiring and isn't a worthwhile way to spend your time.

[@Susan-nm3sx]

Meadow, I cannot tell you the hell I've been going through for over a decade, it's still going on. 😢 I'm currently feeling like constantly running away, being believed is everything.🤚🇬🇧

[@stanbuchanan5149]

I have watched many of your videos. You have been the only one that has nailed it as far as my experience goes. I spent 26 plus years with a narcissist(wife). I'm at the tail end of divorce with her.....I see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time. Thank you for being you...sharing your life experiences, and most of all...caring for other's despite how you have been treated. You have helped me a ton. 🤜🤛

[@meadowdevor]

Awe. So glad to hear this.

[@rlsmith6904]

Keeping detailed notes is a good idea. It may work better with an immediate manager than it does with HR. One time it worked for me with a manager. The next time, HR just took t]he notes to the large corporation's corporate lawyers, who returned an answer of, "Thie complaining employee constitutes no threat to the company." The best and perhaps only recourse is to immediately change groups or departments, or depart the company altogether. The notes are vital if there is a lawsuit. Beware: Large corporations may "litigate" for 10-20 years until the plaintiff gives up or there is a settlement for 25 cents on the dollar.

[@allieeverett9017]

I worked for a shameless narc once before I knew what one was. After a year and a half I changed departments and guess what...my new boss was one as well only worse...covert. she told the whole department my salary, and I could go on but 3 months later I ditched the company. It was a devastating time in my life. Healing 😁

[@KleeKaiBreeders]

The narcs smear campaign started long before I even knew there was such a thing.

[@ernestobusnelli5892]

@meadowdevor : You are so bad and mean to ruin your own wedding 😂 - I know, they can be so absurd. Having grown in a psycho circus of that sort things like that were a daily occurrence. Another great video Meadow, last Friday I did watch and it was so good; I though I need to come back and leave a comment to support my neighbor Meadow, but life happens and I got tangled up. Anyhow, very good points clear and precise. Thank you for all the validation.

[@meadowdevor]

Thank you for laughing with me... it's so wild!

[@BennetTheCat]

y'all listen to this woman. this advice will save you so much grief.

[@crwonshe]

Narc it's a real epidemic. We are so disconnected and many are so self absorb in their own universe...

[@upzang]

Wow. Spot on. You have described my entire life. I’m in my 60s and alone with no children because from a very young age I bought into my mother’s rants that I was the evil, crazy one. If that was true, how could I bring children into this world? I believed that I, too, would be a terrible mother with miserable, suicidal children. She succeeded in ruining my life.

[@JJLom777]

Don't give up on yourself. Make your own life. Best, JJ

[@Debby-tp7xr]

Mine too! In fact my Mother, after I had been struck by lightning in my living room. I had 1st degree burns to the bone on my elbow, lost my left earlobe, scored to my shoulder and had my brain damaged with the exit wound so deep that I actually have a divot missing from my skull bone. I mistakenly allowed my Narcissistic sister to convince me to give her my power of attorney which she proceeded to use to pack up all the my belongings in my cottage and steal my van into her name which she gave to my Borderline Schizophrenic mother. This led me to be placed in her "care" since I had been made homeless. My mother, "who loves me so much and "was only trying to help". She denied me Tylenol for pain, a sweater or socks and screamed at me that I "was Demon Possessed and going to hell for all eternity" and "I'm glad that God finally punished you for all your sins". These people are more Evil than most people can even comprehend. 😈 I am still trapped here after 5+ years due to the recent global health issues and now the rental cost prices. 😔 Please listen to what this video presentation, it could save your life!

[@upzang]

@@Debby-tp7xrI hear you, and I am so sorry. Your story does not surprise me. I realized early on that whenever I confided in a close friend about a confounding/frustrating/evil episode from my narc mother, I was not believed. As you know, narcs are experts at facades and fooling everyone, including their victims. This is why the victim is so frustrated, even questions their own sanity. The victim is so alone. For a child, it is especially confusing, since you know something is wrong, yet this is your parent, who you rely on for food & shelter. Maddening. I left home at 17 and never looked back. My narc mother/gold digger married a much older, wealthy man. She is wealthy as a result and even bought my wealthy golden child (also a narc) brother a second home. I never got a dime, and I’m not going to inherit a penny. Fine with me, I don’t need or want her dirty $.

[@remhk6672]

My job is filled with narcs. I grey rock these goofballs and dont take them seriously at all any more. They know that but still desperately trying to feel relevant. They are quite relentless and persistent though and will go through any cracks you leave open like the roaches they are in order to try and assert dominance.

[@debbilermond1553]

Meadow, what you went through with your wedding sounds like what I went through with mine! My Mom was a textbook narcissist and she said I ruined my wedding because she wasn't the center of attention. She said I treated her like dog shit because I acknowledged my Dad after my husband and I were introduced after we turned around to face our guests. My Mom and Dad were long ago divorced and my Dad and Step-Mom catered our wedding so they held it in their backyard. She never forgave me for ruining my wedding for her but my husband and I are celebrating our 26th Anniversary this August so we lasted in spite of her!

[@meadowdevor]

So sorry you went through this too! And that’s on 26 years!! 🎉

[@debbilermond1553]

@@meadowdevor My Mom pitted my identical twin sister against me to see who could do more for her! We didn't talk for years because our Mom lied about things we said about each other that were not true. God restored our relationship a few days before our Mom died on June 3rd, 2015. To our Mom, her things were more important to her than the relationship with her only 2 children. I used to quote Matthew 6:33 to her because she would always quote scripture to lay emotional Christian blackmail on both of us. She died at 6:33 AM which was a sign from God that our Mom finally got the message! 😉

[@kathleenharper8085]

I recently went through this with my exercise physiologist. Compliments then fat shaming. If I stood up for myself he would become vindictive and make me feel like I was insane. I’d constantly apologise for getting angry at him and make excuses for getting angry so it wasn’t on him. I could go on. I also started drinking and smoking to deal with it all. I blamed myself for everything

[@samuelbell3281]

You sound like a professional victim. YOU chose to start drinking and smoking. YOU choose what to eat and how to exercise. Quit blaming others.

[@RobinPoe]

There's too many narcissists in the world today, which is why I am thinking about a hermit's like... maybe Alaska? Report to HR? They enable narcissists

[@FrankJones-ss2eb]

Thank you for your good work and advice, your helping lots of people.

[@MsL-y5b]

Please do one on covert narcissism! Thanks, your videos are so helpful.

[@pippalewisNYC]

I can relate to #3... being triggered. I had to deal with a manager at work today who I'm now beginning to think is narcissistic. She has definitely employed the first two tactics with me but I'm finding my strength in the situation. They rely on fear so it seems to me you have to find the fears and face them in order to get steady against a narcissist. They lose their power. Thank you again!!

[@josiah5776]

I've done a deep study of narcissism ever since I discovered my mother was a covert narc years ago. I though I'd heard it all, but your channel provides excellent simple and practical advice. Definitely subscribed.

[@weta-linetv5354]

6:56 It was you and your significant others Wedding Day, yet a majority of y'all's family felt like the experience was for them and their pleasure; when did the experience of being at a couple's wedding day get interally interpreted and embraced as a day of entertainment for those that attend and not for the celebration and elevation of the New Happy Couple and their future life together?

[@getbackinthekitchen0]

These situations can rapidly become violent … gosh … on recollection… the whole argument started over a dime .. I returned with a loaf of bread and had paid 10 cents more … shockingly he became enraged and began calling me stupid… screaming and chasing me from the house … I escaped the next morning while he was running on the beach behaving as if NOTHING had happened. I was terrified. I left with what I could pack in ten minutes. The wickedness of it. He had a lover. He was gay. The whole thing was even uglier because people in power and authority were involved as was $$$. They were in the global music industry ….. and I was a PAWN and a BEARD. and it took me almost fifteen years to escape it. And I DID.

[@HeavenlyLights]

Covert neighbour. Please do a video on escalation w a covert. They definitely know I am on to them and I need tools. One has done what you said 3:00 at already.

[@organicsunshine9853]

Yes thank you for the information and insight. My mom totally follows this pattern, gaslighting, spreading rumors, and intimidation. When I confronted her, she barely acknowledged her actions and gave me the silent treatment, as if I was the person who did something wrong! 😂 it sadly taught me that I can’t share any personal information with her any more, because she will find a way to use it against me.

[@kaleochu]

Thank you so much for this video. In recent events I had been dealing with a narcissist who had ran a very public and violent smear campaign on me. I found myself getting emotional as you read through these different tactics as I had faced each one very personally. It wasn't until on deep reflection that the person was scared and angry that I had perceived the type of person that they were when I had visited them. Unfortunately, I had dealt with it in a very emotionally charged way and lost credibility but I'm still seeking out tools to help and your video has provided me with good perspective and advice!

[@AlwaysLearningtoTeach]

Excellent advice, and really well explained. Thank you so much! Been through this too many times.

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

*Quickest way out of the Mob and straight to the Cemetery is to actually call it the **_"Mafia"_** and say that word out loud. You must strictly and only refer to it as the **_"Cosa Nostra."_** Which translates to.... **_"This Thing of Ours."_*

[@michignamymichigan]

Metaphoric reminder. Thanks. 😊

[@papi9114]

@@michignamymichigan 😆

[@ShawnaMabrey]

Celebrating walking away from an 18 year marriage.

[@thinktwice-me7ie]

I am so impressed by your content. Thank you! If I may say that as an actor and also as your listener.. it would enhance your speech so much if you spoke a little bit more slowly. I need a little more time to process the things you say. They are so powerful, give us time to make them sink in.

[@barbo1106]

Solid truth right here. 💥

[@deep-entrenchment]

My ex once said: "I'm not someone, you would want to have as an enemy." Literally. Funny how clear an attempt to threaten me, and whilst I knew, he was right, it was nothing that would have worked on me. Unfortunately he'sthe father of my children, so these things keep going on even years after. He's trying to gain control over the children's minds and beliefs. Actually he's abusing them, and there'S not much, I can do to shield them. :/

[@Snezanah]

Why the narcs don't think once, and when they want something done, they can try to be honest and to see that way is possible to get their way.

[@tome3454]

I just found your content and I'm already 3 videos in. Your explanations are so clear and relatable. Thank you for validating our experiences and empowering us with the knowledge we need to survive and thrive.

[@meadowdevor]

You're so welcome!

[@ML-nz6fr]

Cost me all those things from adopted family and others seems inescapable when out of your control learning growing now with revelations of these dysfunctional dynamics Gods grace saved me and changing me bringing freedom and victory bit by bit then He’ll move His hand and bring great change only He can do for me Amen

[@darin7369]

This sounds like an exact description of a certain group of politicians and corporate media figures.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thank you and God bless you. From JANESVILLE, WI

[@hariom-tn7ow]

Thank you for making these. They are really helpful 🙏

[@meadowdevor]

Glad you like them!

[@duromusabc]

This sounds like Beverly Hills 90210 or The Young And The Restless or Dallas or Falcon Crest - dang !

[@PrayingWarfare]

Not fearing is the first step.

[@PersianDollTarot]

I am really loving your content, thank you 🙏

[@DennisD-yv4ys]

Yeah they can certainly weaponize everything you type or say! How to heal from it all is another story

[@barbarahering484]

Oh he is a human tape recorder. Never say anything that you don't want thrown in your face later.

[@MYKEYCARD]

Thank You For You're Phenomenal Global Outreach People Support 🗽 🙏💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🙏

[@Shadowman...]

I so know this woman has read the book- In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by Dr. George K. Simon

[@JackN808]

Thank you for your videos, It is always nice to be reminded of the dangers. 🙏🙏

[@stevegrifftx]

A+ excellent content, ive been watching others Subject Experts for a few years, this is at the apex, top tier.

[@leaannsavage2231]

I am so sad you didn't give examples of the covert narcissist. That is the information I need the most. Is there a video that covers them?

[@meadowdevor]

Thanks for asking! I have a playlist dedicated to coverts here: kzbin.info/aero/PLZzSwtKut8-hwr-opuQJgR9iIK7U5FQVG&si=CT35CnAH-ExDO4Se

[@leaannsavage2231]

@@meadowdevor - THANK YOU!

[@Acrobattler]

Thanks for your informative video!

[@ChristinaDeMusee]

Excellent!

[@INFJ-Advocate]

Excellent video.

[@meadowdevor]

Thank you very much!

[@dk5755]

They are sadistic and take joy in the suffering of their targets/victims.

[@Gailafathersjoy]

My ex-husband did this to me for 25 years. And now I want understand what happen because I have someone else in my life trying to manipulate and this person is in control of where I live; I could be homeless if I'm not careful.

[@redxxgen976]

Then you need to change your circumstances - take away their power x

[@meganknipe4393]

What do you do when it’s your child? Because you still want to keep communication channels open and you want to still teach them to be good, kind and respectful?

[@926paaja]

Except the narc will do the I’m not talking to you anymore to control , or the grey rock method… It’s hard bc so many of the tactics are also used by the narc.