WHEN THE NARCISSIST THINKS THEY WON

#narcissism #narcissistabuserecovery It can be extremely difficult to process and accept the injustice of being harmed by a narcissist who seems to get away with what they've done. Understanding the reality of why narcissists continually destroy everything good in their lives can help us understand that even when we feel defeated, we are the one with the real power to walk away with something meaningful.
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Here is contact information for when immediate help with abuse or self harm is needed. It is recommended that you use a computer or phone that your abuser cannot monitor:
Emergency: 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Lifeline Crisis Chat (Online live messaging): suicideprevent...
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
www.ywca.org/w...
YWCA - 202-467-0801
Canadian Assaulted Women's Helpline: 1-866-863-0511
UK National Domestic Abuse Hotline: [phone]
South Africa POWA: 011 642 434/6
Australia: 1-800-RESPECT

[@kevinjanghj]

Narcissists basically replicate this case of 'win the battle but lose the war'. This is ultimately linked to their total tunnel vision in which they only care about the present moment but forget about the ways in which they subsequently exit the course of human history in their infamy.

[@susanparker9877]

The last narcissist in my life lost everything! He lost a cozy home, a loving woman, financial stability, ... He couldn't control his unending need to create chaos out of nothing. He couldn't be content with the most basic of life's gifts. He was compelled to find bad in others, where none existed. He was compelled to literally destroy his own life, just to be the ultimate victim. Yes, he was/is living GroundHog Day in perpetuity. Round and round He goes. Such a lost soul.

[@oriolrodriguezdelolmo9232]

Sometimes, if you want to win a fight, the only way to win the fight is not fighting

[@Chukowski-g6q]

When they try to force you into a needless game of TUG OF WAR, sometimes the best move is to LET GO OF THE ROPE and let them fall into THE SWAMP: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p3W5fWaiab16l5Ysi=hPykWUj5B2otZbJp

[@kevinwilson6270]

They can't win because they are always trapped inside the misery of their own mind. Always looking over there shoulder, always the victim and always torturing someone.

[@teresadvorak6145]

Well, they take a vacation from their own mind to pick on your problems, avoiding their own 😮😮😮

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

One of the most important things in life is : = See the world how it really is, without too many distortions, and then learning to HOLD ON to your own reality, based on facts.

[@jennifertaylor1222]

This meant a lot to me! Exactly what I needed to hear! I moved my elderly narcissistic mother in to my home because she couldn’t afford to live alone anymore. I gave up my bedroom. Worked 2 jobs. Cooked and cleaned. While I was away from the home she convinced my two adult children that I was abusing her and that I really only loved their youngest brother. I kicked her out immediately. My sons have completely stopped speaking to me and their brother. We are so angry and heartbroken. It’s insane to me because she did this to my brother and my relationship years ago and my sons saw it and knew what she had done. We talked about it several times. Yet here we are back in the same situation and they are onboard with her BS.

[@jennifertaylor1222]

Maybe you could talk about the flying monkeys?

[@HarryBarker-yp1xv]

hopefully they will wake up. Its always about picking sides, immature bs. I'll be your mom! LOL

[@jennifertaylor1222]

@@HarryBarker-yp1xv ahhh so sweet!! 🥹

[@OriontheChosen]

You became the scapegoat. I've gone no contact with both of my parents and refuse to help them ever again. It's going to be hard but there are people in the world who understand where you are coming from. Believe your truth and keep the faith. You did the right thing by fighting for your peace

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

For me, dealing with two narcs back to back was more than just misfortune... The same way that catching a flu alerts you to the fact that you have a weak immune system, "catching a narc" alerts you to the fact that your defenses (ie. boundaries) are low. That's why boundried people are immune to narcs. Yes, narcs will try their luck, but their boundaries are too strong. That is all to say I've taken the intrusion of the two narcs in my life as evidence that I have a lot of self development to do. I'm working on my boundaries in therapy and there's definite progress.

[@OriontheChosen]

You cannot develop in a healthy way if both parents are narcissists. You have to accept that NO ONE ever loved you and you have to teach yourself how to love yourself

[@jackwilson1818]

Soooo true. This pattern fits every Narc battle I’ve encountered. Every Narc ends up alone because everyone is sick of their constant conflict. Yet during the battles they get “smirky” and convince themselves they’re “winning” so you start feeling like they’re somehow winning. But with time and distance you finally realize they’re idiots playing childish transparent games which piss everyone off. You also realize that behind their grand schemes they have the mind of a toddler. In retrospect if I had known what Narcs are all about I would have immediately walked away from them in silence and avoided them forever. Don’t blow up at them or else’s they’ll harass you for years to “win.” Just silently go No Contact without appearing like you’re going No Contact. In other words, casually fade into the background and then run like hell. Don’t yell “screw you I’m leaving” because then the Narc identifies you as the Villain they crave. Just leave as quietly as possible. If necessary, make some excuse for leaving. Tell them you have medical problems. Just don’t blame THEM openly for anything because their worldview is “ME GOOD, YOU BAD” and they will do literally anything to enforce that (False Self) worldview even if it means destroying your life. So if you criticize them, you’re creating a Narcissistic Injury and inviting them to the Neverending Battle. DO NOT CONFRONT the Narc because they’re crazy and all it buys you is a lifetime of getting tracked/harassed by a lunatic.

[@kaystephens2672]

Absolutely. They love to argue. Just a waste of our time. Our pearls.

[@natlee5879]

This is what I really wanted to do. Oh the times I'd fantasized at just silently cutting contact and erasing them forever. I tried... but I always unblocked and let them back into my life. This time, I was discarded and blocked by him, so he thinks he's "won". Here's hoping I can stay on silent from here on in. My life and sanity depend on it.

[@kaystephens2672]

They win because their audience supports them that they're "Right".

[@kaylaaicher3902]

Yes and their audiences are usually dumbasses and/or lied and ignorant of the facts. Narcs are so sad

[@donaldcummings6439]

Perfect response.

[@lorraine4755]

Narcissistic neighbors made me loose my home, stalking, and harassing me.

[@kaystephens2672]

Same. 2x a 60 something year old shut in. With nothing better to do. Most neighbors

[@dorisbove2210]

I couldn't agree more, narcissists think they won the battle, but we win the war 🙏❤️🙏

[@kevinjanghj]

For narcissists, it's largely a pyrrhic victory. They win the battle but lose the war as a whole.

[@phinton314]

Your affirming words have helped me to come through the worst time of my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@TobiDilz]

Just the fact (or appearance) of the change of their opinion of you (devaluation) is crippling after having been idealized so intensely. Thank you for untangling their madness.

[@CamaroChick-l4s]

All these characteristics seem to align with an adult child...especially the tantrums/rage and lack of empathy, too even not liking ppl in authority n non stop lying. Meanwhile expecting a full grown adult, from a adult child. Thats really what ur up against.

[@EstherLion91]

You put into words everything I experienced with the narc that was in my life. Thank you, I feel less alone.

[@doranvee5944]

I love how logical and well reasoned you are. I need your perspective. The trauma has been overwhelming. To her everything is about winning.

[@cajuncrackerranch7990]

Thank you 🙏. This… is a very great piece of work. Much gratitude for you, this content, and your time to produce. Now passing 3 years of isolation after being married 20 years unknowingly to a clinically diagnosed wife with FULL SPECIAL Cluster B Personality Disorder. YES! All four traits 3-HIGH (BPD-HPD-NPD) and with 1-MEDIUM (ASPD). Hidden behind a well constructed mask for years. Completely destroyed everything including our 4 children.

[@atlantaacman4750]

Ive come to the realization that what they do is very stupid and extemely dangerous . You love them, help them, are there when no one else is then they try to hurt you, break you. How can you help anyone if your ruined. Its so personal and the anger they cause you to feel is unbelievable. I realize the negative ways in which it has affected me and im an inch away from losing everything. Its so hard to just let it go because it is so personal. I had always thought narcs just thought highly of themselves, i never knew they were actual demons. Uggh, why have i never heard of such people. Im 52 and this covert narcissist term had never been mentioned in my presence. It took 2 minutes of research for me to discover her, after 32 years. If you are just finding out for yourself know this that they are trying to literally kill you. Its all a game that they are the only one who knows its being played when you have never been exposed. Be careful they are baiting you and they definately play the victim. They havent won a thing, total opposite actually. you may also learn who your real friends are?

[@angiehayes7397]

I'm 56 & like you, I had never heard of this insidious affliction. I always thought it was just Type A behavior. 33yrs later, here I am, still with this demon! If we had only known, huh?

[@wayneelliott1180]

When the smear campaign was roiling away, when no-one would speak to me, when everyone gave me the side-eye, all because of the narcs pathological lies, slanders and self-descriptions, I was aghast at the damage that had been wrought around me. My crime? I helped the narc out, realised quickly her toxicity, and melted quietly away. She stalked me incessantly, received no response, became enraged and launched a rolling campaign of attack. That was five years ago and it has never ended.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Precisely! It’s a defence mechanism gone awry (the more narcissistic they are, the more they are living in their own alternate reality)😌😘👌

[@ladyvirgo013]

This was a much needed message to hear,thank you ❤ I was married to a complete LIE

[@deebee4622]

When they can’t destroy you, you win. When you practice self care, you win. When you’re finally able to get away from them, you win!

[@goldbrick2563]

I feel like i do this type of stuff but not for victory or vindictiveness, but because I fear people don't want me around or don't genuinely like me. I had a lot of narcs in my life as a young person, ended up skewing my view

[@ardent9422]

This video is really meaningful and important. It's these battles that you're talking about that are at the core of being stuck with a narcissist. I have a couple narcissistic relatives and one of them decided randomly about 3 weeks ago, to simply cut off my internet access basis of a disagreement that happened over a year ago, in which he was the wrong person. He threatened to cut off the internet then but didn't do it, by the way the internet had absolutely nothing to do with the disagreement, I was caught in the middle but not fully involved. I paid my share of the internet bill for 5 years with no problems, and then he refused to accept the money for the bill, I was then left to constantly be worried when he might cut access. The internet is the one thing I need to function: work, phone calls, emails, entertainment, I can get all of that through the internet and he knows that. I had to install a new internet service and go through the hassle of that, just because he wants to be petty.

[@MsGechi77]

They only blame others. Nice info 💜

[@Truthteller1s]

Would you do a video about dealing with flying monkeys in the workplace?

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

I will give that some thought. I have a hard time coming up with good material about flying monkeys for some reason. Maybe I should put some more work into that. Thank you for the suggestion!

[@donaldcummings6439]

Excellent well spoken video presentation on a difficult subject. Thank you!

[@Seanus32]

It's not a competition. That's what 'they' would want but it shouldn't descend into that. We need to rise above and let our best energies flow. It can be done when you are out.

[@Introverted100]

Looking Behind The Mirror is GOAT

[@bhabi7071]

Just another excellent video from "mirror*, as we affectionately call her. Indeed, they ARE trapped, we aren't And, as personal as the attacks seem, it's simply not about us. Almost three years to the day my journey to escape narc family system started. I think of them like a crocodile I happen upon, yelping in pain, stuck in a trap. I have empathy (some) for the croc, but I call animal control and go NOWHERE NEAR. Even more importantly, I keep my children VERY SAFE from the wounded yet dangerous predator.

[@Introverted100]

@@bhabi7071 I'm glad you escaped. Stay strong my friend

[@cyndigooch1162]

​@@bhabi7071 Good on you for escaping the extremely toxic situation and for protecting your precious children from harm! 👏

[@natlee5879]

This is bloody awesome ! Yes ! What am I fighting?

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Needed this God bless you, God will avenge 🙏🏻

[@deepaktupare2979]

Your information is very valuable and all your videos are perfect❤❤❤

[@HarryBarker-yp1xv]

Go NC, if you can, get out of karmas way! Thanks for the video

[@GeorgeYoung-j2d]

What ever happened I just want to be left alone

[@sherimascote7495]

Insecurities 😮

[@katarzynaklocek8881]

Thank you❤❤❤❤❤

[@ronaldtheanalyst3593]

Narcissism is: A twinship Transference Via agency of Mutagenic Maternal Self Object Introjects

[@anitanash7777]

Happy, nice spin on being f*ckef over … team narc looking strong, sadly….

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

They are very weak. Being a bully is not a strength.

[@Truthteller1s]

One helluva pep talk! 🔥💪💯

[@ronaldtheanalyst3593]

Hello, Snow White, The Mirror Does NOT Care!

[@peat_dont_repeat]

Do you do coaching ? You, are very insightful.....

[@JeamesOlga-j6p]

Martin Gary Robinson Frank Walker Jessica

[@josephgranberg2305]

Hello, here is another example why I believe my wife is a narc or at the very least toxic. Bellow is a text thread between her and I. (Her text) I don't understand you... you say you love me yet I am not feeling that way at all. You lie to me, manipulate me, and I can't even depend on you to do something as simple as picking up your own kids so I can take another kid to the doctors, on top of my already busy day. All so you can have your mornings to yourself... and your nights... this is beyond ridiculous. I have tried to be patient and understanding but now I just feel like you don't want anything to do with me or the kids. We've been married a week and a half shy of 18 years, and you have slowly over the years just separated yourself from us... and I'm tired of it. Either be around, or let me know and I can make different arrangements for us. (My response) Of course I love you and the kids, and how am I lying to you and manipulating you? I know you're busy hence why I try to do as much as I can around the house so you don't have to. And I have not separated myself from you I am either at work or at home, I don't do anything or go anywhere the only time I take for myself is when I get home or late at night, l do virtually nothing for myself, aside from you getting back from your trip with Tracy I would make you dinner and lunch just about everyday. Every time I would go to the store I would think of you and buy something I thought you might like, every issue you have I would spend days and weeks researching it to help, on the weekends I do as much as I possibly can to make it easier for you, when I'm home you don't seek to spend time with me, you like to spend it alone upstairs or you spend hours in the restroom. I give my time and effort to you and the kids and only take a fraction of time for myself. So yeah I would say I love you. (And me again about 10min later) As far as today I was in the bathroom and wasn't sure what time I would be done and I also still had to make my lunch on top of that I wasn't sure when you would get to the hospital. So that was the only reason I said if I had time. If you would have just told me that you really needed me to do that I would have. (Me again about 5min after I sent the previous message) I do love you very much! (Me again after another 5min) I am sorry that I've caused you to feel the way you do, I love you! And I want you to know that. I want you and the kids and I want to be around you guys. (Me again about 6hrs later) Please say something to me. Tell me you still love me at least (Her response a few min later) I still love you (My response) Thank you And then the very next day she sends me this text. Hey baby. So Dominoes should be ready now, and Pizza Hut will be ready at 4:30. They are both already. Am I wrong or crazy thinking there is something wrong?

[@kaoshi_kutie]

@josephgranberg She seems to be projecting by saying your manipulative ect as that’s likely what SHE is doing. and playing off your emotions, there wasn’t any need to text excessive messages. I think she enjoys watching you worry and prove yourself to her . Seriously consider wether you want to stay with someone that really cannot change and ultimately will destroy you and is going to invalidate you ❤ I also want to add you will ALWAYS feel like you has done something wrong when you haven’t. Your other message shows this. Narcissists are NEVER happy she will forever blame you for her shortcomings. Please protect yourself and understand it’s NOT your fault 👍🏼

[@josephgranberg2305]

@@kaoshi_kutie thank you, I feel like I’m going crazy because she will seem to be so sweet and kind but then she will be dismissive, angry and snaps at everyone.

[@El-bz1tq]

Its impossible to tell if some of this is valid arguments from her side, but i react to the threat/ultimatum she sets to make you change your behaviour and to the fact that she says nothing about it when you have excused yourself extensively. Its rare that one part alone is to blame for everything and most people would try to compromise. I dont mean that she should take the blame if that's not the case, but at least finish the conversation/topic in amical terms

[@josephgranberg2305]

I think my wife is a has NPD but I’m not sure. Here is an example of how she can react. (This is a message she sent me.) What happened to the husband that use to tell me we have to be on the same page?!?!?!? You told Alana I have a problem with Reece living with us. You don't so I guess everything is all honky dory! Seriously! (My response) I never told Alana you have a problem with Reece being here but I did say I don't have an issue with him being here. And I told Alana I would have to talk to you about it and that you might have an issue with him living with us. (Her response) Funny how we don't talk!!! I talk!!! I never even knew you said it was basically ok! (My response) I told her that Reece has been good for her and that if he keeps her out of trouble that's good and that I like Reece. I never said it was ok I said I would have to talk to you about it first. And when we have been home at the same time I had forgotten about it. (Her response) You STILL don't talk to me about anything. I keep telling you this is a problem. If things were happening at work and you didn't tell your boss, he would be pissed! I'm not your boss! I'm your wife! Your partner! The other boss to our kids! Yet you refuse to talk to me! You should have known Alana and that saying that you like Reece is an invitation for her to have him stay! This is Alana we're talking about. You give an inch, she takes 5 miles! Then manipulates everything and tries to make you feel like you're in the wrong if you don't agree with her on something. She was just trying to enroll in an online charter school, and told me it was that or I need to homeschool her. I told her no. She chose public school, and she needs to stick with it because it's her senior year. (And this is my response to her) Im sorry I didn't talk to you sooner about it, but you're never home for me to talk to you. And when you are home you're either in the bathroom or in the bedroom sleeping. And it's really hard to remember everything I need to talk to you about when there are other things going on at the time. Is this a way a narc communicates?

[@ninjacat508]

No

[@kimlarso]

No! You’ve dropped the ball in your own home…..allowing an outsider to deal with a child so you don’t have too meanwhile, losing touch w both your wife & your daughter 😮

[@josephgranberg2305]

@@kimlarso wow you come to quite the conclusion, you might want to reread it. Not to mention you have no idea what my daughter went thru or how my wife has treated her. Also my daughter and I have a great relationship and she also an adult. If you read the thread you would see that my wife is the one attacking me and me trying to have an adult conversation, I never once attacked her in that thread.

[@josephgranberg2305]

@@ninjacat508 would you mind elaborating on your thoughts?