When Your Body Takes Over: Sensorimotor & Somatic Awareness OCD

[@SimplySarahC]

You explained my somatic awareness perfectly. My somatic OCD has brought me a lot of depression. Thank you so much for this.

[@wetointment2041]

holy shit. randomly recommended this and it described exactly how i feel and have been feeling for forever. i was always told 'health anxiety' was the best qualifier for what i had. ill be talking to my therapist this week about somatic ocd. thank you. seriously.

[@Purplerain393]

I developed this when I was 7 years old regarding the fear of awareness never ending for blinking, breathing and heart beating. My therapist told me that it was my body’s attempt to tell me it wasn’t safe to be consciously in my body. Now as an adult I’m doing somatic experiencing and that has been a life saver.

[@jaelbuteijn5287]

What a great video on this subject! I've dealt with breathing awareness OCD since 2018. It's been virtually gone for like 4 years now. I'm in a particularly stressy period of my life right now, i broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, i lost my job. all in the span of 5 months. And in those months i've felt all sorts of anxiety symptoms catching up with me. Breathing OCD being one of them for the past 4 days now, feels exceptionally hard since i was ''cured'' for so long. Kinda feels like need to relearn the things i did back then, things you perfectly said in this video, and kind of remind my brain to fix it again. These symptoms, and many other anxiety symptoms seem to come back, peak really, really heavily for the first week, subside in the second and the third week they're gone again. It's like my brain needs 2 weeks to gather back the information i already used in the past and get over it haha. Anyway, video's like these are great reminders to calm me down again. Relapses like this are more on the spectrum of pure frustration than they are pure anxiety. And since i was ''cured'' a relapse always feels 10x more heavy i guess. My biggest vice right now is that when it's gone, i focus my attention back on the breathing thinking ''hey, it was gone the past 5 minutes i think!'' leading to me being focused back on it once again lol.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

I am sorry you are going through a stressful time. Like you explained, it will resolve itself once again. Our brains do tend to act up when we are stressed. Wishing you a happier, healthier new year.

[@kinstar]

I hear you, i was the same there were times where i might have been a little more aware but it would pass by super fast literally after an hour or so id completely be over it and forget about it all together even when it popped into my mind a week later 'ohh i havent noticed it' id still be able to continue on with what i was doing. i recovered and moved passed it fast! which was a great feeling. Recently ive been stressing about life myself and boy has it been slapping me around recently, it seems like i just cant flow like i used too before or shake it as effortlessly almost like id forgotten how to handle things all together and find myself much more reactive towards it all together. It is rough sometimes but stress surely doesnt make it any easier.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

100%…agree!

[@KRAZEEIZATION]

When I’m not focused on “focused on just in case” I’m more focused on “focused on just in case!”

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Oh no! Lol.

[@GinaHardyYoga]

Bless you for existing in the world to offer this help for health anxiety which is soooo troublesome to people 🙏🙏 I have had chronic health anxiety especially around heart palpitations as my partner died suddenly 2 years ago from heart problems. Am working with yoga and breathing which helps but watching your videos is a wonderful help. Thank you so much ❤

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

I am so sorry for your loss and can understand how that trauma could trigger health anxiety. Glad my videos have been helpful.

[@CarnivorganicGal]

Counting! 😂😤 Ugh the struggle is real. Great video Dr. Paige, thank you and Happy Holidays ☃️ ~Mel

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Happy holidays Mel. ❤️

[@ann-jz7bz]

I think I have an odd form of this related to tension in my eyes, eye movement and gaze-- it play into social anxiety. I've seen counselors for social anxiety but it doesn't really fit--I'm not shy. I'm basically constantly worried about eye contact and, unlike other socially anxious people, I tend to have an intense stare and hard blinking with others because of it. Most socially anxious people I know just avoid eye contact.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes, this type of OCD can involve awareness of staring.

[@Kevin-bb8ht]

I feel like if I try to look anywhere someone is looking at me , people say I stare but I'm trying not to, I try to avoid looking at people , I just don't know where to look in any situation,I get so much anxiety when I try to scan the room and observe my surroundings, like how did I forget how to look, it all started when I got embarrassed by my teacher infront of the whole class, I kept my head down for the entire time and I guess people looking at me scared me , or it was the shame ? Idk , been 7 years now and everyone thinks I'm weird, hopefully one day I'll recover ❤

[@patriciaanndemello4652]

Aloha. I'm often in touch with the spirit world and it's part of who I am but it's acute at night. I'm often awakened by spirits touching me or trying to communicate in some fashion. It sometimes makes me hyper ventilate right before I go to bed in anticipation of being woken up by a sensation. So I have a hard time breathing often as I fall asleep. I try to calm myself down and concentrate on the words, be peace, feel peace and spread peace.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

I love the words you say to yourself to calm yourself. ❤️

[@dramritkaur7464]

Im hyperfixated on my heart specially pvcs...im almost home bound and depressed just waiting for something to happen

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

That sounds horrible. I am so sorry.

[@zomronshamrikas1534]

How are you doing? I have had a relapse of something (I think) very similar: but this relapse involved calling the ambulance to take me to A&E because I was suffering such prolonged and severe panic episodes that I could not go back into my apartment building as I was so afraid of dying/using CPAP. Unfortunately, my doctor did not understand my actual condition well, which has a significant sleep apnea component. She sent me to the Psychiatrist, Cardiac specialist, breathing doctor and sleep doctor: and put me on antidepressants (3 of the 4 I actually suggested!) within a month. I prayed more in the last 22 months than I have prayed in my whole life. I am extremely grateful to God that I am now on no antidepressants, and on reduced beta blocker (sixteen years ago my doctor in the UK put me on 120 mg/day of Propranalol) and sedatives. I also fully agree now with my doctor that I must deal with anxiety, especially health-related anxiety, first, before I can see progress in other areas.

[@LovelyHaunting]

Sometimes my cat will sit on me wanting cuddles and I get anxious by the proximity and overthink my breathing and it spooks them and the run away. I get hyper aware of my belly and chest rising and either feel like I’m going to accidentally poke them with my belly or point with my elbows and knees or I also have staring ocd to where I feel like I can’t stare at anyone for fear of being creepy or awkward and weird and making people uncomfortable. I also get hype aware of my facial expressions and am afraid of smiling inappropriately and making people uncomfortable and that they’ll accuse me of sexual harassment which has happened on a number of occasions and they think I’m making up excuses and am being a creepy weirdo and make fun of me but I keep trying to bottle it up and I’m so afraid of dealing with it and try to fight it that it gets worse.

[@TheAaronDrew]

What kind of exposures can be done for swallowing? No one seems to have any help for this.

[@EdwardBose]

I've lived with this for so many years. Also, I have motor tics too. The irony. I then obsess over my tics.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

So sorry you have to deal with that. 😥

[@patrice101anna2]

Dear paige im.so Desperate , i dont know how to treat that because exposure seema impossible.im afraid of thinking of stingy pain in my legs.of course that now became true and an obsession.how can i treat it when Sometimes the unconscioua manages to somehow generate there so much pain that the fear is Just too much ?i feel Like a lost cause

[@KaranVerma-ez8rl]

Thnks Mam ur video just clear my doubts and i just realized about whts wrong with me

[@eduardodavila9652]

I am also fixated on my breathing for 6 years since my first fear crisis. I am also very fixated on my heart beat simultaneously… specially when I m on bed. Could this trigger constant palpitations? (I have been cleared by all doctors from any cardiopathy)

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

It seems the more we focus, the more we train our brain to be hyper vigilant and aware of those sensations.

[@Whyistheworldupsidedown]

Going through this right now. Panic attacks, palpitations, and waking up when I'm almost asleep freaking out as if I'm not breathing anymore as I fall asleep. My body is a jerk with me

[@Aish__3]

It feels very dangerous, it seems that you are trapped within yourself and are wondering how to get out.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

It can feel like that. 😢

[@Everafter-25]

Hello. I’ve really been struggling with blinking for nearly 3 weeks now. A family member commented on an actors face and then I started focusing on faces and blinking as a result. It’s only happening when I watch tv or KZbin. I’m trying to do what you say and just welcome it and accept it. But every time I try shift my focus, my brain reminds me of the blinking and I’m focusing on it. It feels like an non ending cycle and I’m really struggling.

[@princenichardalcorin1313]

thank you for this video ma'am...

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Most welcome 😊

[@colt1536]

Okay I’m stuck on finding core fear. I’ve had breathing OCD for ever(didn’t know it was OCD until new theme) and well it was annoying but i just knew I’ll get over it when it goes away. But I got hit with suicidal OCD and coming from someone that’s bad health anxiety and is a very happy person it shattered me? But doing way better just trying to figure out the core fear for those two? I can’t really figure it out?

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

I am sorry you have gone through those themes. Core fears can be a little confusing sometimes. Sometimes with health anxiety, the core fear is that I may be negligent or irresponsible and miss something and not follow up, and what I missed will result in a serious health consequence. A common core fear of people with harm ocd is that they might just snap and lose it and harm themselves. These core fears of course are only fears and people with OCD are the opposite and behave in the opposite ways from what they fear. Here is a video where I talk in more detail about core fears: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJKyiJp8dtV1iMksi=AAizQM8A3m6GmyjO

[@colt1536]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy the harm OCD you said perfect it’s a what if I snap and do that. It’s crazy because I never ever have even been depressed but It came up 6 years ago but I just went on with life and never gave it power. But this time I did which I can see the consequences. I’ll check out that video to help guide me to the fears thank you.

[@bobGmitter]

Thanks your videos are very helpful

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Thanks Bob. I’m glad to hear that.😊

[@makstapost]

I think of my breathing and I feel I need to control my breathing. When I think of breathing I feel I’m not getting enough oxygen and get a dizzy feeling 😢

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes, I understand and have experienced the same sensations. 😥

[@malmn29]

Paige your a wonderful help and resource! I struggle with breathing related symptoms. Until finding your video, I thought of my challenges as just extreme anxiety that formed irrational thoughts about my breathing stopping if I didn’t control it. I never thought my ruminations may be a form of OCD, but it makes sense. Curious, I always have some daily thought of my breathing but often still fall asleep with only minor anxiety trigger. But a few times each year it seems my anxiety is amped up on a physiological level, and I have very little control over that, which then makes the breathing awareness worse and leads to sleepless nights and more anxiety. Then, after a couple days or weeks it just calms down and I’m able to evade a strong anxiety trigger/response. Is this pattern of anxiety intensity coming and going periodically common?

[@onetowthreefourfive6223]

How are you?

[@tosabendoagora4474]

Can breathing hyper awareness cause air hunger? I feel 24/7 air hunger because of this

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes. Absolutely. It happens because you are unintentionally hyperventilating or over breathing. Your body adjusts for this on its own without you doing anything. If you wish to help normalize your breathing you can either hold your breath or exhale very slowly. I don’t always advocate doing breathing exercises or anything to calm this because you do not want your own breathing response to become compulsive.

[@Sereneis]

What is over control of thoughts? You didn't expand. Ty

[@claire3271]

i am scared the feeling of tingling sensations i am aware that i am checking it but why it doesnt go away? this sensations. I am still scared and attaching some worst scenarios like going to er. I don't like this feeling it is very uncomfy 😢

[@abhijitchatterjee1164]

mine problem is same as yours whenever it somes I hyperventilate and cant sleep

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes. It can really be awful but is treatable.

[@abhijitchatterjee1164]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy what is treatment?

[@aliciaschreader1981]

Thank you. This was very helpful. I recently started feeling this with swallowing.. & I’m annoyed. I was so upset. I’m trying to relax & let it happen. I do also experience health anxiety.

[@GracelynCasas]

did it went away?

[@aliciaschreader1981]

@@GracelynCasas it did :)

[@GracelynCasas]

@@aliciaschreader1981 is it an urge to constant swallowing?

[@aliciaschreader1981]

@@GracelynCasas it was! Thankfully I was able to move on from it.

[@GracelynCasas]

@@aliciaschreader1981 wow good to hear me been suffering from this, what do you do to recover from it?

[@mirzafatic1663]

Paige, i have been going through this for almost 20 years. Words can nothing explain how difficult this condition is. BUT surely, people never stop breathing or die because of this?? Or do they??

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

No, they certainly do not. Our breathing continues on its own whether we are aware or not. 😊

[@mirzafatic1663]

@PaigePradkoTherapy indeed, its the fear of noticing it forever for me.

[@mirzafatic1663]

@PaigePradkoTherapy With this also come palpitations and sometimes irregular heartbeats. It's exhausting. Paige, in your experience, would you say that sensorimotor Hyperawareness also feels like hypervigilance, IS from PTSD, some kind of trauma since childhood, as for me I could have drowned as a child and also had a fish bone go the wrong tube which I couldn't inhale for a few seconds. OR is it really hightened anxiety morphed into OCD due to sensitivity, OR because of fear of death, as I do fear death. Thanks for answering these, I watch your channel lots and have much love ❤️ for you. 🙂

[@ahmeterik2012]

I've recently developed a new somatic OCD and it's making my life like hell. It's basically clicking my ears voluntarily. And I have this urge to do it but at the same time i want to go to my default state. It's affecting my breathing and I am overly focussing on it

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Ugghhh. Somatic OCD is so annoying. Yet, to allow it to pass, we have to act as if we are NOT annoyed. Do your best to allow the urge to be present, but without acting on the urge. I use the I. A.M. method to help. I know it’s tough.

[@ahmeterik2012]

​@PaigePradkoTherapy how do I go about it ? I don't have anxiety at the moment but I do get episodes of it in the morning. I am on sertraline 150mg and I was diagnosed with OCD. It's a big nuisance. I had this clicking before when I swallowed etc but last week I decided to dwell into it. So no anxiety which is good but the urge to do it ? I am scared I may damage my hearing.

[@ju5tine]

my heart ocd came from something traumatic for me that made my heart increase now I’ve made connections with it like what if my heart increases around family and friends and it does it’s so frustrating

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

I am so sorry you are struggling with this.

[@khaledali3218]

thank you so much, your video has helped me. I still have a problem, and it's that I can't expect to do things that I enjoy without thinking that something will distract me and keep me from enjoying it since I've had OCD for a while. I just want to know, since this is unusual from what I've experienced before when it comes to OCD, and I'm not experiencing as much compulsions or sensorimotor hyperawarenss, yet when I start doing many things like watching a tv show or even studying I immediately notice that I'm not having any thoughts, and so I get distracted and get really stressed over it and that's because as I mention before, I was already expecting and kinda stressed of having unwanted thoughts that would distract me while doing several activities. I don't know if I've explained myself fully or not, but is this the same as the usual OCD and should I deal with it the same by not stressing over it, or should I try something else. I hope you respond. Sorry if anything is unclear but english is not my first langauge.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

@@khaledali3218, in my opinion, if you can treat it the same way you treat your other OCD, and not stress over it, that’s wonderful. OCD only hooks you when you begin to stress over it and allow it to concern you. 😊

[@giorgiasattin4383]

I experience this with body movements. Like im aware of every position i make, is it still valid?

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes, somatic awareness OCD can be with any body sensation, movement or automatic process.

[@Alejandro-ge2kc]

My problem is mainly related to saliva and coughing. When I think about saliva, I end up swallowing so much saliva that my throat ends up hurting. The real problem is that I'm afraid of self-harm: I think if I swallow too much saliva or cough too much I may cause myself some kind of illness. For example, I recently read that chronic coughing can cause an inguinal hernia, so now I'm very worried about coughing too much. And I can't help but cough because the slightest discomfort I notice in my larynx (usually small droplets of saliva) makes me want to cough. Lately I have also developed an obsession related to the tips of my fingers and toes. Sometimes when my fingers and toes are not touching anything, they suddenly come to my mind and some kind of tension builds up in them, so I will feel the need to touch anything to release that tension. It is not the typical touching compulsion, but the need to press something to avoid feeling that annoying tension. In these cases what I usually do is close my fists and touch the floor with my toes.

[@GracelynCasas]

did it went away your swallowing of saliva?

[@Alejandro-ge2kc]

@@GracelynCasas Yes, I am better now. This goes in spurts. Thank you! Coughing, however, is harder to avoid.

[@GracelynCasas]

@@Alejandro-ge2kc what did you do to stop the constant swallowing of saliva?

[@Alejandro-ge2kc]

​@@GracelynCasas Nothing special. I just try not to give it importance. Sometimes it works better than others, but I try not to waste time thinking about this.

[@Alejandro-ge2kc]

@@GracelynCasas Besides, I haven't stopped anything. It is important to understand that there are not definitive solutions.

[@DaniellaCunanan-us9gq]

what did you do to recover? tell me, please

[@Truerealism747]

Does it include muscle pain ime sure my pain is this not fybromyalgia or chronic migraine

[@andykettler3301]

Thank you so much! I needed this video!

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

You are so welcome!😊

[@utkarshsingh1705]

My breathing ocd is gone but i have a new ocd in which i am hyperaware of myself even what i speak and write and fear that what if i have this for the rest of my life

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

I know it is difficult, but do your best to allow the urge to notice your awareness to be there, but direct your attention or focus to something else. It is a process of allowing, but not completing the compulsion of noticing the awareness. Then, intentionally shifting your focus. Repeat if necessary.

[@-piccolo-791]

Do you think that somebody who does all this work to eliminate these sensation with little to no luck should focuse on solving childhood trauma that they may have? Or any type of unresolved trauma

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Sometimes there may be trauma as well as OCD. If there is significant trauma, one can seek a trauma informed therapist. Prolonged exposure is often used to treat PTSD.

[@back5594]

I have social anxiety and I’m afraid other people are gonna notice my swallowing and mouth movements and think I’m weird, when I’m alone it doesn’t really bother me. But at work it’s intense and horrible. do you have any advice? I use to have this with breathing but it went away but now I have swallowing and I’m afraid it’s even worse cause it’s something people can notice easier

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

It is the same as awareness to the other sensations. Let it be and it will pass on its own. Fearing embarrassment will only heighten your anxiety. Allow and gently shift focus in the moment while the urge floats there.

[@GracelynCasas]

did it went away?

[@sophias9686]

Can you combine treatments, or should you stick to one? Like can I do IAM when I notice it come up and then still plan on doing exposure therapy consistently?

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes. You can do both. I AM is a form of response prevention and you can certainly use it when you do exposures. You can also choose to do traditional ERP on some days and mix in the I AM on others.

[@alimusa8782]

Can someone have sensori motor on an emotion?

[@fifiearthwanderer]

For me the awareness is on the sensation and then i end up squeezing my body so tightly to not feel abd push anxiety down . the urg to squeeze my body and brace tightly to not feel anxious sensation is so strong and hard to overcome. Its like a strong pull to manage it and it interferes with the natural rise and fall of anxiety. I feel like i am up against a wall and the anxiety cant flow. Almost like when you hold in a sneeze or cough. I am trying to lean into the sensations but the other response is already automatic. Feeling stuck due to the urge being so strong. And constant.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

That sounds horrible. I am so sorry. Even though the urge to squeeze your body and brace feels automatic, it is something you are doing. You will have to work on resisting that response the best that you can.

[@fifiearthwanderer]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy any tips on how to resist it? Also do you offer 1:1 support?

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

My practice is full at the moment. To resist it, you allow the urge, and shift your focus in the moment. This is not distraction because you are allowing the urge to just float there. You are being “soft” in attitude towards the urge, not frustrated. 😊

[@fifiearthwanderer]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy thank you paige. I appreciate your advice. How can i find out when you have openings?

[@mazen7119]

What about medication for this disorder

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Just like other types of OCD, SSRI’s can help. Personally, I take the supplement NAC that can be helpful as well and have found it very helpful. But NAC is not recommended if you are taking an SSRI.

[@mazen7119]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy i take duloxetin and sertraline ...sometimes for insomnia eszopicolone ..trazodone...quitapine....what neurotransmitter culprit for this type

[@mazen7119]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy thank you for reply

[@Sereneis]

To fall asleep, google Andrew Weil 4-7-8 breathing meditation. It works! The military train using this practice to sleep standing up. It takes a while, but it works.

[@ju5tine]

This is more difficult with heartbeat ocd

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Yes, it can be so difficult. My experience in treating people with this condition and ocd in general, is that everyone tends to believe that what they experience is the worst.

[@Sereneis]

I thought it was pronounced "*ti*·nuh·tuhs"? Anyway, thank you for bringing it up. There is a great book where ringing exposures are recommended:_Rewiring Tinnitus_ by Glenn Schweitzer

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

It could be. I’m from Michigan, and we seem to have our own pronunciation style for everything. Lol. Thanks for the book recommendation.

[@RubinaThapa-nc6ts]

Can i know what mental disorder i have

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

This video is about a type of OCD.

[@ramanamadduri6669]

Thank you so much! I am so obsessed with my own heart beat which makes me very frustrated. So kind of you for this vedio.♥️👍

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

You are so welcome! You are not alone.

[@saadfadel924]

I overthink about the way people looked at me and try to analyze their looks and facial expressions and I try to be aware of my face to make sure they don’t think I’m something, I had a grandfather 89 years old who had fallen on his head and they took him to intensive care did a surgery and it was a success, afterwards he losed a part of his memory so he forgets me but doesn’t forget my grandma, my father calls me to sit in front of my grandpa and then he asks him if he knows me, my grandpa starts looking at me deeply says he has seen me before but doesn’t remember who I’m, when he was looking at me a thought comes to my mind that if he sees my eye pupils dilated he will know something about me which I don’t want anyone to know, so my heart beats faster and my eyes gets dilated then I read his eyes that he knew it, he later tries to tell me things other days and so I had this feeling continues even after I’m aware of it, i go to other places and meet other men trying to control my stress and anxiety and hyper aware self, I think things like what if they read my eyes and so eyes still dilated, it never goes, just never goes, I remember when I was a teen people weren’t that much aware of it, now every single human being seems to be experiencing it somehow, mental fragility maybe, maybe because men are weaker than in history, I don’t understand

[@_crimson_18]

Im 16 now, and experiencing this at a severe level, but i now realize that the first time I went through this was as an 11 yr old and for the longest time (until now tbh) i thought that i had some sort of lung problem. Makes me wonder how a 6th grader could possibly get ocd

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

@@_crimson_18 , I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. Yes, people even younger than 11 have OCD. It is likely genetic, but even certain viruses can bring on OCD. 😢

[@finnio9094]

Hi Ocd is triggered by anxiety and fear if you can lower your anxiety the ocd will fade. Have you seen a doctor

[@_crimson_18]

@@finnio9094 I can't see a doctor, maybe when I'm in college I'll see one

[@Truerealism747]

Ive had all what you mentioned before with silly diagnosis from doctors.

[@jessrg1993]

I’ve been struggling with constant hyper fixation on my tongue position and jaw position. To the point that I have tension headache for days that are crippling. The more I try to relax the more I tense up, it makes me so miserable and I just want relief 😭 I also struggle with severe anxiety that just makes it much worse.

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

This may be a type of somatic awareness OCD. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this…I know personally how awful it can be.

[@keelyjohnson]

Same did it go away

[@youtubealiasoriginal]

Very good you share your personal experience & story😊

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

Thank you! 😊

[@deanwinchester9514]

What about being aware of your consciousness of thought process?

[@PaigePradkoTherapy]

If it is bothersome, you will want to resist that awareness and self analysis.

[@deanwinchester9514]

@@PaigePradkoTherapy I think I’ve become fearful of my existence

[@utkarshsingh1705]

Hey man i am having the same... how are you coping with it