Why Are Ultra-Orthodox Teenagers Leaving the Community and Becoming Secular

[@AlexToussiehChannel]

You answered the question of whether it's *normal or not* but not the question posed which is *why* it happens and what to do about it.

[@izzyostrov2271]

Maybe because the yeshiva system is neglecting most kids where they grow up feeling a lack of value, and therefore they leave to get value somewhere else. 🤔

[@animuspexus]

I'm ~40 year old ben Noah, who discovered Judaism 3 years ago and I think Judaism is great! I'd truly wished I'd find it out much earlier and I think, maybe, those who leaving, just don't understand whole greatness of Judaism.

[@pepepena1937]

@@animuspexus Are you a Noahide?

[@johnmann8659]

@animuspexus What sacrifices are you currently offering to atone for your sins? Job 1:5 Job 42:7-9 Genesis 8:20 Jonah 1:15-16 Genesis 4:1-10

[@yofisofi]

@@pepepena1937 I think it's pretty clear that @animuspexus is a Noahide, which is great! You are already part of the Jewish faith then, as Rabbi Tovia Singer says. :)

[@IncelZionistRabbi]

Thank you, Rabbi! Shavua tov!

[@yofisofi]

Great points, Rabbi. I'd like to add also that taking the approach of sheltering kids from the secular world and technology is contributing too. Of course, some separation is good, but emunah is a whole lot stronger if a child is raised knowing about various forms of avodah zarah and immorality around us in order to teach them that it is wrong and how so, for each one. It's important to know what to reject in the surrounding culture and why, and how to use technology for good instead of bad. Knowledge is power, and enables us to discern good from bad, and serve as better emissaries of Torah to the world.

[@RabbiTuviaBolton]

Accurate and true. Alsk remember that today the families are larger each child with their own personality. In the end ALL will return.😂

[@pawemajsterek3343]

serce i rozum . Te języki przemowia w swoim czasie. Do siewcy należy siać, kto zbierze plon i kiedy to juz Boze dzieło. Taka juz nasza droga Życia ... Jak Izraela do Ziemi Obiecanej. Chodzimy w kółko przez życie aż nauczymy sie przyjmować co dostajemy....

[@Jubal.Harshaw]

I am Jewish - 3+ generations observant. I am NOT 'secular' (which simply means by 'birth' but nonobservant.) I am also NOT 'orthodoxy' to the respect of being Chassid, I keep all laws and eat kosher and study Torah. I have known many young Chassid individuals who break away from their beliefs simply because they come understand that Chassid have a very UNORTHODOX view on Torah. When I explain what the Torah actually states and what it means they are SHOCKED. They (correctly) compare their religion to the many FALSE beliefs of paganism. THIS is a PROBLEM in the Chassidic community.

[@yofisofi]

The tendency to idolize a Rebbe to the degree that even a building he was associated with is idolized is dangerously close to the line. I think the heavy hierarchical emphasis in the community on one's lineage from the founders of a given Chassidic movement is a vulnerability too. It is not based in Torah.

[@Jubal.Harshaw]

​@@yofisofi You are correct, it is neither based in Torah or anything biblical as it is quite the antithesis. Praying to dead rabbis is what the pagans do.

[@PatriciaSavage-1930]

@@Jubal.Harshaw I think you intended to say it is what the Christians do. Yes, you would be correct. And, yes, it is a form of paganism which is not anywhere like monotheism.

[@yofisofi]

@@PatriciaSavage-1930 Christianity is a form of paganism -- it is the syncretization of concepts from Judaism into the Roman polytheism. That's what the Romans did, they syncretized religions of all their conquered peoples. As long as the other religion was pagan too, there wasn't a problem and it kept the conquered people happy to have their deities included. For obvious reasons, the Jews were the only ones who refused to accept that. Protestant Christianity later rejected some of the pagan elements though, kudos to them.

[@pepepena1937]

@@yofisofiThe only pagan is your *PAGAN BABYLONIAN SECT*

[@maryw4609]

Glad you laid the process out yes it is shameful and disappointing to the parent we feel guilty and the pills only get stronger them there is intermarriage and grand children my mother did not speak to me for almost three years until my brother died and my father said enough is enough 😢

[@Johngalt613]

Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zl says that in the times of the turn of the century was zionism. communism, socialism, enlightenment Haskala. People went off then and shmaded or really hated being jewish. Today is much better than it was back in Europe.

[@Zensci18]

First, in a society with more choices available there will always be a segment that are not going to keep the tradition of their parents. It’s inevitable. Even in the Torah not all of Avraham’s children nor Yitzchak’s children were “chosen” to maintain the Mesorah. Next, in my experience, most who stay religious and are happy about doing so, are those who have come from psychologically functional homes where happy memories were formed in the context of Jewish Life, and then grow as Jews to have the confidence to exert some agency in the manner in which they practice their religiosity. How that manifests will of course differ from person to person. Bottom line: be careful of “cookie cutter” approach to frum living. Obviously there is a Mesorah that must be maintained- but under that overarching framework there should be as much diversity as possible that still as a foothold within a Halakhic system. Such an approach will inevitably result in varying communities but we have that already to an extent, but successful families and communities I think are those that truly address human needs and concerns in the context of a modern world where building a self-imposed ghetto or shtetl wall is increasingly not realistic.

[@RhonaDavis-lz3qp]

I think it is happening because sometimes we push our children too far as regards to yoddishkeit. Not everyone can cope.

[@Lokimycat]

Parents should be open to sending their children to alternative schools. Breslov might be a better derech for many teenagers.

[@BreslovStrummer]

I wholeheartedly agree about turning these kids towards the Sfarim of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov to save them

[@BigJFindAWay]

People go OTD from Breslov too.

[@BreslovStrummer]

@@BigJFindAWaynah it’s usually just a temporary “Yerida L’Tachlis Aliya” :)

[@BigJFindAWay]

@@BreslovStrummer You think that then you're in denial.

[@PDM1967]

Give kids options. Sitting and learning is not for everyone. חנוך הנער על פי דרכו.

[@yofisofi]

💯 This community pressure mandating all men to study Torah for a living is not based in Torah. The more you spend time studying Torah the less time you spend bringing it into the world, so there has to be a balance. The very few Talmid Chachamim who are passionately drawn to Torah study and are gifted in it should indeed do it full time and be the teachers of Torah to the rest of us. Everybody else should certainly make time for Torah study every day, but primarily focus on developing their own gifts that Hashem gave them -- contributing to the community in professions that make their hearts sing.

[@PDM1967]

@@yofisofiExactly!

[@accaziahs.180]

Cultures change. Generations become different. You frown up on tattoos in a tattoo culture, you frown upon pork n shellfish when sometimes it's the only affordable option for sustenance, freedoms of America have tickled the feet of Hebrew. etc. The Torah speaks of this and how to maintain order yet the backbone of Jerusalem must've slipped a disc. How does one skip work on Sunday when one can't simply afford it??

[@ariebrons7976]

It's a complicated subject. Keep in mind that a century ago we did not have this near absolute split: America - Israel Our old communties where torn appart, and we had to find new ones; The fear for non-Jews was redirected to other Jews. My fammily wanted to be pious, but we just don't fit in anywhere. Untill I found Chabad: They helped me abandon my Judaism for good.

[@rrost1500]

Rabbeinu Gershom's son - who lived in Christendom - became a Christian. The Ibn Ezra's son - who lived in the Muslims world - became a Muslim. A certain percentage of people will follow what the "experts" of that time are espousing. In our century, the experts happen to be atheists. So a certain percentage of children will become atheists. In the next century (if G-d forbid Moshiach isn't here) the experts may be Mormon, and some of our children will find Mormonism appealing. The only solution is to get children married as young as possible, even as young as 17, before they have a chance to leave the fold completely. At the risk of sounding crass, once they have children of their own, they will be too busy changing diapers to start philosophizing about life.

[@yofisofi]

No I think that is the wrong approach, and part of why we have such a problem today. If you marry so young you are still too immature in your emunah and understanding of the world. You have not had a whole lot of time to apply your own free will to your belief system to solidify your emunah. You default to a dogmatic approach and hiding your children from the world because you don't have the knowledge or experience to understand how to explain things to your child to strengthen their emunah when they start asking the difficult questions. Don't be so afraid of young people going off the derech. You can't force belief. Once they come back as Baalei Teshuva, their emunah will be ironclad. Hashem will help them find their way.

[@matisyahup613]

I have been a baal teshuva for almost 20 years. MANY times I thought of going off the derech only for social reasons. I enjoy the clarity and strength I get from doing mitzvos and learning torah, but I cannot stand the hypocrisy of the leadership. The jewish world is divided and people are mainly coerced not allowed to become who they really are. All this is to serve rabbis and yeshivos that profit from people paying tuition. Its greed driven, not to create a flourishing community of individuals. I have been through so many phases I came to conclude I really do not care how you dress, what siddur you use, where you grew up etc... as long as you keep shabbos, eat kosher, and learn some torah you are kosher. Even the jews who do not yet no need to shun them, just slowly embrace them. The world became a world of division, mis-trust, and corruption, and don't try to act like the frum world is above it all.

[@Rhugheswiesel]

Communities that require stringent conformity is more at risk for this .

[@arinasan247]

At 1:10 I believe he is making an error when he uses the term "looking outward" to describe people who go off the path. Rather looking outward is a term that is more accurately used to describe delving into the endless Universe of Torah. Further, I can't believe what he is saying in the middle of the video. If I understand correctly he is saying that "ultra frum" Jews tend to have children that stay on the path, while people who are only marginally frum have children that tend to leave the path etc. In other words, this is the classic Lubavitcher argument; "if we just try hard enough to repeat the same things over and over again then we will become some kind of superior Tzadikim"- and our children will all stay on the path. The reason that Chabad is having difficulties is because of their own sins. They tend to think that they are superior and that they have figured everything out and that their ideology is the the only path.... and the only way to understanding Torah. This leads them to forget about their own sins and their own personal crimes. After all how can a member of such a perfect ideology sin?

[@benyaakov6453]

Even one of the mazkir's son is now clean shaven & OTD (I won't say which on outof respect to both the Rebbe & the particular mazkir) which would not be when he Rebbe,ZT"L,ZY"A was with us. The Freidiker Rebbe's own grandson was OTD

[@yosefshomron]

He assumes that frum only refers to chareidi/hasidic/chabad. So I left the channel, as a religious zionist.

[@teahilton]

They are not leaving the Family of Chabad, they are seeking the Bride, the Torah that Einstein sought, the Torah that Gershwin sought in music. They are seeking the Bride of Turtle Island the Americas that the Rebbe Rayatz and the Rebbe crossed the Sea to seek and spoke of in the Basi Legani They are the Bridegroom like the Family Of Jacob seeking marriage at Sinai with the Bride of the Mixed Multitudes. They are seeking to start the Family of Hasheem and the Shekinah. They are seeking the Womb of the Shekinah. They are seeking their Zipporah who the Shekinah spoke and acted thru rebuking Hasheem in the Inn saving the Exodus and the future of Israel. They seek a family where the flowering Staff of Joseph is the Sanhedrin not a golden Scepter Sanhedrin. They are Moshiach speaking listening to their grandmothers and mothers

[@pepepena1937]

@@teahilton The Shekinah rebuked HaShem?

[@yofisofi]

What are you talking about with Zipporah? The only rebuke she made at the Inn was to Moshe for delaying the circumcision of their newborn child! She then went ahead and did it herself to save Moshe's life.

[@ArchfieldInvestments]

Nice video. I disagree with one thing you said though: that it’s normal for kids to go off. Look at the Sefardi communities in Brooklyn. The rate of going “off” there is much much much lower practically nonexistent. It is not normal to become an apikores, goyim are also obligated to believe there is an Aibershter. It’s not the derech hateva of a person.

[@rudeb7]

Shimon Russell

[@karimbulldogs1435]

Maybe they don’t support the genocide

[@judgedayan9934]

You are not qualified to make assertions about the 50s and 60s, and you are wrong. The old generation that went off are the immigrant first generation from 1880-1925. There was no chinuch, the parents were poor, and to be honest, most of the immigrant parents just accepted it. The generation of the 50s and 60s (that is my generation) that were frum did very well to stay frum.

[@yehsayafarron8554]

I think you are very out of touch, I get you have a ton experience, but sometime experience puts us in a box and mold

[@SollyRainus]

Children are going off the Derech because of the pervasion of Chassidic rock and roll into Jewish homes. This music causes rebellion and immorality, and this has been documented by the Gedolim.

[@BigJFindAWay]

Total rubbish. It’s the hyper conformity driving people away. No room for any degree of individuality.

[@yofisofi]

​@@BigJFindAWay Good point about the overemphasis on conformity.

[@Izumi-sp6fp]

I will give you some perspective on this. Christianity, particularly Catholicism is steadily declining in the US and Western Europe. But. Christianity has a world-wide population of 2.4 _billion_ . Catholicism makes up 1.3 billion of that number. There are more than 20 thousand splintered and continuously splintering sects of Protestantism making up the rest of that number. Judaism has just under 16 million adherents on Earth. That's _million_ , not billion. Of these a significant percentage, perhaps as high as 30% are declared atheists and identify "ethnically" or in terms of nostalgic tradition as Jews, even though they have totally abandoned all aspects of their faith in God. So Judaism as a faith is fading in exactly the same way as Christianity. Just a lot faster because there are vastly less Jews. The vacuum is being filled by the fastest growing religion in the world, Islam. If not just straight up atheism.

[@arelr6822]

Grim.

[@pepepena1937]

@@Izumi-sp6fp “Islam the fastest religion” the only way Islam grows is through the Sword or inbreeding. The internet is their worst enemy. Go and Search Christianity growth among Muslim countries so you could get a bucket of cold water on your face

[@Zensci18]

@@arelr6822but predicted by to Torah so not surprising in the slightest - “you will be the smallest of peoples..” Seems grim, but is it really?