Why are we happy? Why aren't we happy? | Dan Gilbert

www.ted.com Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, challenges the idea that well be miserable if we dont get what we want. Our "psychological immune system" lets us feel truly happy even when things dont go as planned.
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers are invited to give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes -- including speakers such as Jill Bolte Taylor, Sir Ken Robinson, Hans Rosling, Al Gore and Arthur Benjamin. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, politics and the arts. Watch the Top 10 TEDTalks on TED.com, at
www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

[@sixamsedna]

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything" - Tyler Durden

[@river1409]

I know this is technically ten years ago, but i needed this comment and i didn't even know it. Couldn't agree more with this. Thank you for passing this message.

[@fritzlauren7991]

nice quote!

[@brianb4816]

My main take away is the key component that commitment serves in happiness. "Make your decision, you'll never see the other one ever again." When we have a way out or a way to reverse things (a way out of commitment), we give ourselves an unending dilemma. It makes sense how that can add to or even create cognitive dissonance. We'll question not only that decision but our decision making process in general. Cool talk.

[@MegaPianogenius]

yes thats what causes a lot of unhappiness these days in that we have decisions thrown at us all the time what to eat wear buy etc and many are small decisions which will not have a big impact on outr lives the choices are too much

[@olivlogs187]

Very well said Sr.

[@froggomcfroggin9392]

there's another ted talk touching this issue. It was an economist describing how more choice leads to less satisfaction

[@TerpsNtacos]

Lorenzo Bertola agree.... kiss method keeping it simple reigns supreme

[@swa5297]

"Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality. "

[@nikhilghatnekar]

''Grass is always Greener on the other side''

[@margareeta1369]

But if someone asks... actually you liked this side better all along

[@_Stormfather]

Kind of reminds me of the story of the fox with the sour grapes. He couldn't have something and so he decided that in the end he didn't like it after all. We're always taught that that's a bad way to look at things but this is a new perspective on it

[@abisweetpark1675]

Grass is greener where its watered

[@Adorn71]

Brilliant. I wake up everyday and spend an hour lying there contemplating and visualising everything I could or should do, then end up doing and achieving nothing. Is your next talk on how we can focus our minds on limiting our many choices?!

[@hellogoodbyeandallinbetween]

I need this

[@malavikas5556]

You just said what I am doing fornthe last few months

[@lydiaderhake2532]

It's called mindfulness practice: experiencing 'now' instead of thinking about 'then' or 'when.'

[@ishitadahiya9787]

@@lydiaderhake2532 mindfulness practice?? Elaborate please

[@haerverk]

I must have show this to hundreds of people by now :D Had this been more widely known and appreciated, we would probably live in a completely different societ. Most relevant TED ever!

[@mrkman35]

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

[@orangepeelpeel]

Great speech, insightful. With just a switch of perspective, we can automatically get what we want--happiness! To summarize the talk in one sentence: "We have within us the capacity to manufacture the very commodity we are constantly chasing when we choose experience."

[@CharlesMSendegeya]

One of the most important videos I will ever watch on KZbin. Thank you.

[@Muaahaa]

The difference is not in the quality or legitimacy of the happiness, but the process in which it is produced.

[@regieespina5380]

We have to constantly appreciate what we currently have and be cautious of becoming too entitled! Such a great talk. I had to re-watch it a few times not to miss anything!

[@Pooja-zk4np]

This is the best thing I’ve seen in years!! And maybe just what I needed this hour!

[@begily]

that is one of the most valueable things a person can know.

[@Corporations8MyBaby]

This explains a lot of my past dissatisfaction - and my satisfaction with things I have not believed I had much choice with.

[@macnet83]

his message is as simples as this: be grateful for what you have in your life in every moment.

[@jaronneutronix3231]

I love the way this dude is so amped about everything!

[@PiscesVn]

This is one of the best presentation I've seen. And the information is really helpful

[@Tiffany797000]

I've often contemplated the ideologies of "happiness" in two most extreem stressful situations, a parent whose child was abducted and not know if he will ever see her in one piece again - and a parent so poverty-stricken, cannot feed his child. Their realities are so narrow, anyone can relate to it. If happiness is trained, like positive thinking, we realize even in these situations, "we deserve to be happy" while the shadow of guilt would engulf us as we say it.

[@p3destrian]

i love this guy! best i've heard in TEDtalks so far

[@shipitintheremate]

Being ignorantly happy is bliss is what I learnt

[@_Stormfather]

Maybe so, but if you're happy, does it matter? I'm not saying it does or doesn't, but it's worth thinking about

[@SerbAtheist]

Best and most informative talk I have EVER seen. It has actually in all seriousness changed my life in the most fundamental non-cliche sense of the word.

[@Spielzeit85]

My god, this guy describes everything that has happened in my life... Every time I face a fear that is unavoidable, I perform much better than I thought I could. Every time I face a fear that is avoidable, I half-ass my way past it and I am never happy with the outcome. I always wondered why that is, and this video illustrates that same psychological tendencies of humans... I guess I am only human!

[@vrutty]

Brilliant. I find this quite an inspiring talk. This information is valuable stuff when in the pursuit of happiness. Go D. Gilbert! Thank you TED Talks!

[@dylanm32]

i guess this explains why i enjoy a song more when i hear it on the radio

[@LeonGalindoStenutz]

Speaks in sophisticated, complicated language but makes some interesting points. Requires concentration and a desire to digest his words, but worth it. Interesting distinction between synthetic and natural happiness.

[@drawald]

Has to be one of the great Ted talks I ever listened to. Message came across very well...

[@ericjamesraackf]

Very intriguing, it's amazing how much this has changed the way I think about things

[@akulol]

This is the best of the ted talks ive seen so far. Very interesting!

[@Llantha]

Brilliant! Thank you Dr. Gilbert.

[@MasterfulResultsCoaching]

Great video! I really respect and like what you are doing! Keep the videos coming!

[@rsgirl10]

I am in love with this man.

[@marcusdavis5205]

Ok.......i would love to get in on the intellectual dialogue but i gotta ask DID ANYONE ELSE HEAR HIM FART AT 9:30? DUDE DROPPED THE BOMB!!!

[@lotusdedart]

Ahaha. XD. He totally did

[@EdiFerreiranet]

Marcus Davis hehehe!!!

[@mrjigeeshu]

+Marcus Davis 9:29

[@danenewville9694]

Marcus Davis yuuup

[@sitolongges8020]

HAHAHAHAHAH Thank you for this comment. Yes! I heard it! lmao!

[@redmire83]

well done. enjoyed this one a lot, thanks.

[@hoplahey]

When we choose an experience. Any experience. Buying a book, going on a vacation, hiking in the mountains, taking an education, starting a family.

[@aefaefaaefawfawfawf3784]

amazing delivery, oratory

[@Natheist]

i look at it like this: happynes is something you can control. you can train your mind to be happy no matter what is going on in ur life or u can allow your mind to generate happyness or saddness depending on the good or bad things going on with your life. it honestly depends on what you prefer. some people actually like being sad and depressed subconciously simply cause their used to it. happiness and possitive living are alien to them cause they always look at their lives at a pessimistic view

[@beanstaIkjack]

Moral - we grow from bad experiences, survival and endurance makes us stronger. Bad experiences make us sad but ultimately make us stronger

[@ivanvicevic]

So basically it's as the buddhist teach, to accept the situation

[@hunta4lif3]

Yup and appreciate what you can and can't do 👍

[@denisewellons-glover3325]

Philippians 4:11 ....for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

[@pacificglass6173]

Happiness is a state of mind. Dan Gilbert is very smart

[@PauloPrazeres38]

A Felicidade não está no valor material das "coisas" mas sim no valor que cada um de nós lhe atribui.

[@truecolors911]

this is sooo interesting! amazing...

[@randomtrucks]

I love the fact that he mentioned zefrank.

[@AnonHancock]

This is absolutely right. I struggled for years about what occupation I wanted to become. I begged career advisers just to 'tell' me what courses to take in uni. Also world of warcraft, I could never stick with just one character because there was too many different choices, I kept paying for god damn race chances, and faction changes

[@Haygirl345]

20:32 ..... so good

[@brianploszay7202]

I really enjoyed this.

[@CerberusCheerleader]

1) The gist is this: we hate making mistakes. We always want to make the best choices possible and have the best things happen to us. So we are constantly hunting for the optimum. The point is now that that isn't necessary. Oftentimes choices aren't trivial and we have a spectrum of potentially correct (optimal) choices BUT we don't have to figure out what actually IS the optimum. Rather, it is sufficient to pick one and go with it and our subconsciousness will do the rest.

[@carlosleonandrade]

magnífica conferencia¡¡¡¡

[@mcbrave15]

Amazing... another approach to observe your own mind other than meditation. A constant bservation to ideas, thoughts and the relation to feelings.

[@Salihaga007]

wow, That is sooo mental ... gotta meditate ...

[@wlchase]

Freakin' amazing! Good stuff!

[@Stevehtegreatgr]

Indeed, Satre's definition of freedom is very different than what most people understand of freedom. If you pursuit that kind of freedom you may become miserable but you don't have to become a wild beast to be free. Eventually freedom is relative to the unnecessary constraints of your culture, those are the ones you have to live without and try to make the society to be without.

[@Dragos276]

@slaughtz One of the most smartest comments I've seen! Happy new year!

[@54spiritedwill54]

What an amazing talk. Very interesting.

[@PeterScobie]

Synthetic happiness vs natural happiness. Fascinating.

[@QuintilusCastle]

VERY COMPELLING. Great video!

[@umaspace]

Thanks for the recommendation; i saw Status Anxiety and it was great.

[@CerberusCheerleader]

"We can overestimate/underestimate the level of happiness in events" - That's what he's talking about at the beginning, it's impact bias. But he also explains the reason for impact bias which is synthetic happiness. It's not so much about "creating your own happiness" (that would be real happiness) it's more about having your subconsciousness creating it for you. Our mind has certain defense mechanisms to protect itself against "feeling bad" (another example I think is effort justification).

[@Fireclimbing]

Thanks For sharing.

[@tickledhorse]

On another note - yes!

[@SandraOlufsen]

I will definitely look into his book. Really interesting :)

[@OneEyedKeys]

"You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you put your mind to it. All you gotta do is put your mind to it. Knuckle down. Buckle down. Do it, do it, do it." - Roger Miller. It's a funny old song, but after all my years I find it rings true. I've met people who are rich, famous, ambassadors, politicians, bums, working men, punks, assholes, slaves, ramblers, addicts, you name it, all with fluctuating levels of happiness not dependent upon their conditions or upbringing.

[@corbier111]

Very interesting and inspiring!

[@saintmuse]

Excellent presentation.

[@enargins]

Excellent!

[@AliSafariM]

“A mathematical formula for happiness:Reality divided by Expectations.There were two ways to be happy:improve your reality or lower your expectations.”

[@mrmaciejm]

Great lecture.

[@sergeidave]

This is fascinating!

[@dutchlynn]

hes a genius!! i want to meet him so bad

[@TheSanovita]

I really appreciate your video

[@TesserId]

"A mall full of Zen monks..." What an image.

[@jomar5458]

gracias por poner los subtítulos dos diálogos después, gracias

[@ms2756]

AWESOME

[@WorldCollections]

It's simple: gratefulness = happiness

[@bengo940]

I agree

[@vapourmile]

A huge point that many very smart people miss when it comes to questions of happiness, is missing that 'happiness' is not a state, it's a word, it stimulates an abstract of an imagined state, not a real one. Eskimos and the Japanese have a different word for it. Imagine how the behaviour of a civilisation may change if it had no word for it? With no imaginary state to exert themselves in the invocation, they'd probably be much happier! : )

[@maxtrax3258]

I like to watch into the mind of other people. Thanks for sharing yours.

[@NextStarfish]

Very interesting TED talk - I've made use of this video in a post on choice and happiness on my Nextstarfish blog

[@dburns610]

Happiness is a choice and not based on your circumstances. Check out the science that proves this is true.

[@maxdondada]

Debbie you're going to have to give me details.

[@username-yn5yo]

that's why people at starving and at war are as happy as billionaires

[@chinnikrishna8933]

""happiness is synthesized .. don't try to find it somewhere"" like me for saving 20 min of ur life..

[@rwudeath]

I know some people that cannot produce 'synthetic' happiness very well at all. It seems to correspond to low self-esteem and a pessimistic attitude (IE, I choose this, my choices are wrong because I am usually wrong, therefore the thing that I chose does not give me happiness.)

[@somor98]

Really good!!

[@oneki]

The best judge of people's happiness in a non-pretentious environment is the people themselves. I quite the people may pretend they are/are not happy with their choices for reasons like shame or not wanting pity. However, usually with neutral people on trivial things, most of us tend to be truthful about our happiness of choices. This is what the experiment tries to show.Science of feelings aren't& can't be exact but, if the experiment is well set up, u can pretty much get acceptable results.

[@FromWorse2Rotten]

Very interesting!

[@ZekeUlrey]

Uh, "wow." This is a pretty awesome thing...

[@dummy222]

@exactspace yes i must agree with the over sensationalizing

[@098anne]

Great talk. Know thyself.

[@hildiehofmann4658]

As St Bernard of Clairveaux (sp) was said to have said 'let your conscience be your guide.' Very wisely said. Also St Augustine of Hippo was said to have said, 'Love ...then do as you please.' Another wise remark.

[@Kinaasan]

This is great. :D

[@thissitesuxmytwat01]

im a very depressed individual. my friends and family tell me that if i get a better paying job it will change my life and ill be a happier person... but ivve always disagreed and said that it won't make me a happier person in the long run. this is similar to that paraplegic and winning the lottery scenario.! i was right!

[@Nic0leNic0lette]

Can anybody tell me where can I get the music from the intro? I love it.

[@EazySPM]

@1337DrummerNate Bravo, you're truly a benevolent person. Thanks for teaching me and helping me see in a new light. No matter what's going on around me, your mind can work wonders. It's truly all in your head. I hope I sound sincere because I mean it. You have helped someone out.

[@thedeadboy619]

Awesome video!

[@CerberusCheerleader]

There are a lot of unconscious things that work even though you are aware of them, e.g. the anchoring effect: the initial price offered for a commodity sets the standard for the rest of the negotiations, so a smart salesperson will show you something expensive first, because you are than more likely to accept higher prices for the rest. That works even though you are aware of it. I could imagine that synthetic happiness is similar in that regard, i.e. it is not hindered by you being aware of it.

[@mille666]

Interesting, a bit slow for tedtalks, but grows on you and at the end its really good! :)

[@Stevehtegreatgr]

Ignorance is a currency all possess, not everyone in the same quantity but still. The fact that deep down we all know we're ignorant is why we pursuit knowledge in the first place, not always as much as we should, but still. There's no real divide between the ignoramuses and the knowledgeable, we're all shades of gray. The problem is not the reassurance that you give yourself, the problem is the intellectual laziness.

[@solidsnake1447]

Oh! the narrator of the BMW ad at the end is the same narrator from "The Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials!!!

[@maven1818]

Insightful. Humorous. Game-changing ideas.

[@psittacid]

@insidmal If we choose not to be happy, we're not. The point is that it IS a choice. I think that you are right about the "layer on our flight to Dallas" statement. The expectation that life will always be just right robs many of us of happiness. Life is 10, 000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. Only by seeing the inevitability of this can we find happiness in more than half of life.

[@jabbahthehut7350]

very good stuff

[@DHarma1923]

My only question is, even though it makes you happy, is it satisfying enough? i'm sure i can still be happy if i never became a popular youtuber or celebrity but would i be satisfied knowing i didn't achieve what I could have? I'm not sure if happiness is the only factor, but i loved this tedtalk!