Why Did The

[@NarcCon]

Book Link Below: Weaponised Love -a.co/d/g4bB4MI

[@melanieleon3070]

NEWS: I AM under contract for a new home, sold ours and we are about to do final signing of divorce Paula and friends!! I made it 🎉

[@Mylife-g2z1g]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I ❤ it for you and others who have successfully made it to the other side. I am still struggling….but I know my time is coming.

[@melanieleon3070]

@@Mylife-g2z1g hang in there! It's been a little over a year to get here and a lot of BS. ..... But GOD..... HE IS FAITHFUL. Praying for you right now friend

[@jeffreyskinner7167]

Congratulations !

[@lydiagibas114]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👍

[@NarcCon]

Absolutely fantastic news Melanie 🌹

[@foxygayla]

My narcissistic boyfriend did it in cruel ways. Lack of intimacy for 6 months, ghosted me for 5 days, devalued me then discarded me. In that order. Such a horrible person. It's going on 8 months of no contact. What glorious months they have been. Peaceful.

[@EnzoIsabella]

@@foxygayla same....you know your with a demon when they devalue you then ghost you then discard.

[@tim7971]

I finally found out why my life has been crazy for 29 years. All the disappearing, all the gaslighting, all the entitlement, all the disrespect, ,lying, and at the end all the signs of cheating they no longer hid. Reverse discard and then the last year through the divorce they were as cruel and heartless as can be.

[@Ironpapito]

Caught her cheating. At first it wasn’t 100% certain, she wanted to talk 3 weeks after not seeing eachother. She cancelled and wanted to reschedule the following day. I called the suspected number I found weeks prior, he confirmed everything. I called her out …. Then came the discard 😂.. she already smeared me prior with everyone and is refusing my divorce papers 😫

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen]

The two I can think of off the top of my head are: the narcissist can no longer control you or you are of no use to the narcissist anymore. They will definitely discard you after those two.

[@bobbarker1798]

So true!

[@NarcCon]

Absolutely

[@cherrieguitar]

Yep. He told me he can't be with someone he can't control.

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen]

@@cherrieguitar he practically confessed that he was a narcissist! To think you can control others is quite pathological. You've dodged a bullet not being with this person anymore.

[@kittydigins4943]

Yeah my family did this and it finally clicked who the narcissist was heading the show so I just went no contact after the discard.

[@giovannilevoci941]

They discard you if and when you bust them for cheating...

[@darcybarwick3766]

Yep 😢

[@Loriburnett]

Yep

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

Cheating? You should of immediately permanently discarded them first. C'mon man.

[@TimBadger-w7d]

She has completely destroyed me. Mentally and physically, I am a shell of my former self. She keeps telling me I must stay healthy or she will leave me. It’s really awful.

[@TimBadger-w7d]

You are so clear and compassionate. I realise now what I’ve been put through for years.

[@desertangelfish140]

I called him out on his bad behaviors. He told me if I wasn't happy I could leave. I basically pushed him to his limits and forced him to discard me. He kicked me out! He said I was being disrespectful and he didn't like my attitude! LOL Then when he hoovered I refused to go back. Two months out and still refusing hoovers! I'm enjoying my peace and freedom, don't want to go back to jail! 😂🤣

[@georgekellogg3991]

🎉

[@Missybella92227]

Omg!! Swear they are all the same. Whenever I would bring up anything he’d simply reply: “Go find better” “Don’t deal with me “ “Stop coming around “

[@LoveSource1111]

They always call us disrespectful when they disrespect us

[@tmking7483]

They say " I don't like your attitude" All the time _ they say," I don't like your attitude" Good _ that way we will always misunderstand each other_ mutual disregard.

[@verminwatch_out1283]

"hoovers"?

[@buzzzzzd]

I set firm boundaries, finally, after 12 years! He flupped out, had a 6 month long tantrum and totally turned out lives upside down. He put us in one terribly exhausting and dangerous situation after another, until i finally saw the evil and knew i had to leave. His hoover and power play was to cut off all financial support for me and the kids, and to tell me he wanted a divorce. I reeled for 6 months, scrambling to get us into a safe home, into a school, get winter clothes, food on the table, all of it! Then i filed for divorce, after 8 months of him holding that over my head and not doing anything to move it forward. He was furious! That made all so clear to me. It was all about control. Im sure he planned to hoover after his year of freedom. No way, buddy. That chapter is closed.

[@chriscole5990]

The new supply that your ex narcissist is with is not in a relationship with your narcissist. Their really in a relationship with you!!! 🤯 They were mirroring you the whole time. They stole your identity.

[@Bella-Luna777]

They truly do! I found some text messages where he was telling his new supply all the stories and jokes, I was telling him, sending her all the memes I sent him, and took her to all the places I wanted to go. It was crazy to see with my very own eyes, him trying to act and be just like me 😳

[@chriscole5990]

@@Bella-Luna777 Yes! They do that! Thanks too the education we got now they are some weirdos! From such people stay away. 💯

[@sleo6664]

They COPY Everything- that why they STUDY your Every Move even though they put you down or make low key constant criticisms.

[@l.5832]

I was discarded because I called them out. I never heard of 'narcissism' but I called out their lies, their entitlement, their arrogance, their envy, and their hypocracy, and their hatred. (Not all at once of course, but over time). And of course they expect unconditional love.....all the while lying to and stealing from you.

[@terrancemcclendon456]

You become close to them which makes them feel exposed

[@anonimous7099]

Thats so true, thats why they become so cruel.

[@terrancemcclendon456]

@@anonimous7099 facts or start pity arguments

[@anonimous7099]

​@@terrancemcclendon456constant chaos and drama over nothing.

[@terrancemcclendon456]

@@anonimous7099 had a friend accuse me of talking about him from a Facebook post lol

[@ca32]

Oh dear exactly right

[@womanclothedinthesunq7574]

He left because I stood up to him . Thanks to your videos 😁😎.

[@treelover1050]

YOU WILL RESPECT YOURSELF AS YOU DO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

Yes.❤

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹🌸

[@nicolewinters]

Same, same.

[@Oceansgreen]

Absolutely the same… I said no to one of his demands and that was it🤷🏻‍♀️

[@johnpichla9557]

Once you see the red flags 🚩 you must distance and take care of yourself! You cannot help them!

[@marigoldmirror5194]

So true, I was discarded because I found text to one of his other supply. We can’t love them enough. We need to let them go and heal from the daily abuse. Love yourself and rebuild your life with peace and purpose. Get counseling for narcissistic abuse. Realize we are a tool for them to use, to use up. Get out!

[@ak-47intelligence75]

I was SO HAPPY to be discarded 😂 I couldnt stand the needy, jealous, greedy, stingy, incompetent , lazy, rude, mean and highly critical nature of the Nex.

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

Discard them first. And make it permanent. You'll feel even better 🕊️

[@l.5832]

And your ex is doubtlessly describing you the same way. You can't win with these people.

[@karenlaos5849]

Good for you!

[@christinetorrez7588]

Soooo well said!!!!

[@jeffreymurray4855]

Being discarded after 33 years of marriage and the discard is painful (being characterized as having personality disorder) and having to find comfort in know the truth without having the opportunity to tell my side of this situation…glad to have a circle of friends that know who I am and are being transparent and keeping me focused…this is soooo painful/traumatic…😢

[@nicolesiemens8727]

This is exactly what happened with the narcissist I was involved with. I was tired of the emotional abuse after about 6 months- so I just didnt respond to his text one morning and blocked him. I started healing over the next 6 months. Reading my Bible, watching videos on narcissism, working out, etc. But I wanted closure. I wanted to make sure he was a Covert Narcisssist. So I reached out to him. He was shocked. And he began to do exactly as you described. Pretended to be "nice", acted like "he couldnt talk long, because he needed to go take a nap." 🙄😆 I asked him if he had just used me for 6 months. He said, "you provided stimulation- but it can never compare to a TRUE relationship." Well that statement backfired on him. I believe he thought I would wallow and beg for him- but I was much stronger now. I asked, "are you ready to commit to a long term relationship?" He acted like a child and gave me the silent treatment for 2 days. In the past- that would have worked- but now all it did was confirm that he was a narcissist, so I immediately blocked him. A narcissists tactics ONLY work when you are still captivated by them. Once you realize who they truly are- just a user and a manipulator- ALL attraction to them is gone, and they dont have power over you any longer.

[@NarcCon]

Amen

[@clintonnagy1662]

We parted ways for 2 weeks and it wasn't horrible...but she never reached out to wish me a happy birthday during that time. I saw her out with her new supply at a local concert with the tickets that were meant for me that night. I confronted her about it, and it became my fault for being there. 😮Unbelievable !!!

[@anemone9081]

My reason or conclusion: He discards you so that you have to process the emotions He doesn't want to process. Like grief, pain, anger. These feelings have been brought upon him unvolutarly by nearest and dearest (narcissism is a post traumatic condition) and he repeats over and over again the same patterns to cause the same pain in others and himself feeling free of it. It's like taking out the garbage that had been too long in the home. So the narcissist gets finally somewhat rid of all these internalized feelings by getting rid of you! And that's extremely dangerous because actually he wants to eradicate you or to let you go through the biggest pains and fears possible. To see others go through this is a therapeutic process for the narcissist.

[@NarcCon]

Absolutely agree nice insight you definitely understand the dynamics 🌹

[@Bella-Luna777]

Well said 👍🏼

[@estelao.b.1473]

😮 that makes a lot of sense. Great insight.

[@Auro77]

That’s very ruthless. And this is a therapeutic process in their eyes but is it really one ? Are they really healing through their victims suffering ?

[@moonfairy74]

Reminds me of the song by Depeche Mode "Personal Jesus".

[@goldilocks3593]

So true. It feels very personal but it truly isn’t. We are appliances and the reason they move on to a new appliance is that they haven’t broken that one yet. It really is as simple as that. They are always looking for that perfect, shiny new appliance that is still functioning well - as their servant.

[@geneboris185]

Children who get easily bored with their toys....

[@shawnmarie1912]

Amen to that

[@shovelheadpec]

I would totally agree as simple as you say it it's the truth They truly see themselves as superior over everyone We become nothing more than the garbage 🗑 disposal too them !

[@Healinglove]

I grew up in the insane asylum, I was programmed to believe ABUSE WAS LOVE. I've had relationships with narcissistic men my entire life; finally, the one I married for 10 year's was when I truly WOKE UP to the hell I've lived my entire life. 55 year's old, just now got this. So wished I got this long ago.

[@zinnia3684]

All five come into play in my relationship with my children’s father. I feel so sad for my children. They have suffered too.

[@donnasloane9031]

Coming back for a nibble or a full meal...brilliant!.....my goal is to stay FROZEN IN STORAGE.....no contact..no contact..discard is a BLESSING!....Thank you so so much for this video......no contact means that they won't be able to find me.

[@NarcCon]

Wonderful!

[@nunnaurbiz8177]

He told me at the time of discard, “ You’re too smart, I can’t cheat..,you catch me! And I want to cheat, and I’m going to!” After 10 years..this is what I’m told. What a Mc Douche!

[@NarcCon]

Mc Douche brilliant..my understanding of cheating is an undercover deception..he still didn’t achieve it..

[@bodysuit1134]

Holy crap, I was getting sick. I couldn't sleep and my health was going to shit. I really had nothing left in me to give. I had completely lost myself, the things I used to self soothe didn't even work anymore.

[@bodysuit1134]

I couldn't sleep for 5 days and she literally called me a "baby" cause I was breaking mentally, "I have to take care of 3 babies" (I have 2 kids)... Freaking heartless

[@cherylgregory6027]

Yes exactly on point. I was discarded for the second time because I started to challenge the Narc. He wasn't able to control me, after I set a boundary. Possibly he thought I might be thinking of leaving him, so got there first. The discard came out of nowhere, as did the first discard. Impulsive decisions by the Narc, as always. It's all about supply. They need you more than you need them. Good video. Thanks Paula. x

[@Cous-teau]

I can relate...

[@Sunnygirlhoney]

Exactly what happened with my situation. I called his fake-self out! Exposed his lies. Investigated him online and found soo much dirt on him and gladly told him I did so! Reached out to some of these so-called “friend” or “Business Partner” on social media to ask about him and if these people knew about me!! Oh boy, did I get it!! Good riddens. He’s never coming back after me handing him his own ass

[@Eleniexp]

You may have exposed them, finally saw them for what they really are. They can’t stand that.

[@JaneMetz]

Hello Paula, I have known this man for about 12 years. As recent as maybe 5 years ago, we did everything together, and I considered him to be my best friend. The woman he was involved with before me died from high blood pressure and had a heart attack. As recent as maybe 6 months ago, I had the same symptoms. I was working three jobs for him and my whole life was consumed by him. He was pulling away and I couldn't understand what was happening. Looking back they were discards. I still work for him, but I set up boundaries. For the most part he leaves me alone until a work related subject comes up. I do a lot of gray rock. Still receive flowers from time to time which end up in the trash. I hope to move to another state by the end of the year. Thank you Paula, I listen to you every day.

[@NarcCon]

Great plan to move sounds like your growing in strength 🌹

[@simjam1980]

So you were only friends? If that's the case, he is obviously too hurt from his last relationship to want another one. And perhaps you were acting too much like you were together which made him back off. That's not a discard.

[@JustMe-uw6yd]

Back out slowly before u go hv ur safety net in plan Suggestion Hv a full blood work done Make sure all is well 😇

[@JaneMetz]

@@JustMe-uw6yd thanks for your comment. We never had sex, he is gay.

[@m998hmmwv7]

Get a grip😂

[@Mav3rik28]

Your videos are so eerily accurate! I am forever grateful to you for sharing this knowledge, you have no idea how much your words are helping me heal from the three year narcissistic relationship abuse.

[@HuricaneChampagne]

#1 reasons why you were discarded was for not complying to their wishes. part of their wishes was for you to not acknowledge your own suffering and never to speak of it in their presence

[@fynbosfynbos6979]

My female partner discarded when she inherited some money from her grandmother. Was actually a blessing in disguise.

[@NarcCon]

Yes

[@tmking7483]

I hope they steal my good points _the world will be much better place _ they will have to stop destroying others. Love the Narcissist and destroy them _ love is the only thing that destroys hate. Protect yourself with LOVE. And give the Nark the gift of JESUS.

[@nikki1611]

I was discarded because I became ill. He was claiming he was even more I’ll and I could not give him the support he needed. I felt so hurt. He blocked me from all contact. Thank you for helping me understand the reality.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@iramsavir5631]

Same here! Discarded after cancer diagnosis and mastectomy. 😢

[@moonfairy74]

Same here. Undergoing knee replacement surgeries and he's out.

[@SaoirsenahÉireann1]

Same..my earnings potential went down....and he wasnt going to take care of me or provide for me....I honestly believe that..

[@lindasharp927]

Same thank goodness it hurt for weeks but I am feeling better thanks to some great friends, wishing you well ❤

[@fmckeon1595]

5years after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and an equally long period of abuse I was discarded by narcistic parents. A reverse discard, happy to find this channel at that time....blessed 🙏

[@MissNancy]

❤

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹🙏🙋‍♀️

[@Marie-rs4ns]

💐

[@irielion3748]

So horrible! Note: never heard of a reverse discard, but I guess it could mean one discards the nex, not in your case. A reverse hoover is when you hoover the nex.

[@Redpill1962]

Not heard a thing for 18months ! Good 🎉! I warned him I had boundaries . Needless to say that caused problems and last time I saw him , there was rage on his face . Totally understand it all now of course and that did impact on me earlier this year . I had 6 sessions with a lovely narc counsellor . Well worth it . I’m defo on the healing path with new friends coming into my life . I can think of him very nearly indifferently now 😊. Off to the cinema today , on my own, to watch Beetlejuice movie . Simple pleasures , life is good again ❤

[@etaokha4164]

When i rejected my ex narc he took a scissors and cut his hair like chopped it and he came back to punish me and when it came for him to discard me the last word he said was ( you are child 😂 he was talking about himself definitely not me because i dont go around hurting people internationally. This people are damage goods.

[@melanieleon3070]

Packing now

[@treelover1050]

GOOD FOR YOU. BE SAFE THEY CAN BE DANGEROUS UNLESS THEY DISCARD YOU.

[@johnpichla9557]

Trust me, do it quickly and get out of there! Don't reflect on future faking or past love bombing excuses. This is the reality, they just don't care! Goodluck!

[@melanieleon3070]

@@johnpichla9557 gotta tell ya I'm already at the point I don't care

[@melanieleon3070]

I'll be gone in two weeks!!

[@melanieleon3070]

No getting ME back

[@ianarn]

It’s incredibly easy to get discarded by a narcissist just having a few healthy boundaries does it or exposing their cheating and then going home after the ensuing silent treatment for example! Saying ‘no’ to them even!

[@iramsavir5631]

Yes indeed. I exposed his cheating in a way that he could no longer present excuses/cover-ups or deny it. He was already planning to discard me anyway, but I think my exposing him, confronting him, etc. accelerated the discard and he made it as humiliating and painful as possible. 😢

[@celiamurray]

He groomed a younger girl that he can control. I stopped allowing him to abuse and control me. He is 63 this year - the one g/f 37, second one 30 and the youngest 26. And pays them for sex. Nothing more. He will never marry them because he is embarrassed to be seen with them. I'm not divorced yet but I AM FREE!! And it feels wonderful to find myself again. Whoohoo!

[@NarcCon]

🥰🌸

[@l.5832]

My husband is in his 70s. I was discarded and I left him due to the abuse after 23 years of marriage. He immediately rented out all the spare bedrooms to FEMALE university students. When I needed him to email me financial statements for our pending divorce, he would instead email photos of himself and these female roommates contrived to look like they were a 'couple'. My lawyer wasn't impressed and told him if he did that again she would get a restraining order on him.

[@celiamurray]

@@l.5832 O my word! There is no fool like an old fool.

[@malibu90265]

The narcissistic injury that I inflicted on the narcissist by my discard of him made for an increasingly dangerous, to life-threatening, situation for me. The ex-spouse narcissist was codependent on me to function in all aspects of his life. As a result, he was preoccupied with his evil behind-the-scenes actions, and failed to see the discard (by me) coming right at him (despite my clear communications). There was a hoover that I ignored and rejected. I went no-contact at the time of the discard and stayed the course until I was disentangled and divorced from the narcissist. Then, I disappeared. Things are so much better in my life now, despite the huge price that I paid for being in that relationship. I have PTSD and work on pursuing goodness in life to heal the wounds so that I can flourish. Thank you for the wisdom, Paula. (And yes, he stole my interests and personality traits.)

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏

[@MaryYaeger-xz9gj]

I apologize for my typos! It is worth it to become willing to learn, to take yourself to school! I believe that we are precious spirits and eternal beings experiencing this human body and existence for a higher purpose! My scriptures teach me that we are God’s MASTERPIECE! That is beyond my brain’s capacity! ❤Merry Christmas!!❤

[@malibu90265]

@@MaryYaeger-xz9gj Be well. Shine your light, brightly.

[@RexRoberts-hk3wj]

You are really good and I agree with you 100%. They are evil.

[@face2799]

I was on track to being in a relationship with this covert narc, then was abruptly discarded. After a while we started talking again, talked about what went wrong, everything was good. I gave another chance then was discarded again out of nowhere. Once again the narc came back with some sob story and I forgave them again, let them back into my life. Again be became close and then again I was discarded.

[@irielion3748]

What nonsense people!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you Pola ❤ for a great list of reasons why narcissists discard people - I started to think of them as parasites primarily and predatory secondarily. The most important thing to remember is not to personalise anything they say or do. We must always consider the soul- it is evil.

[@jameswilliams6562]

The day he left was the happiest day of my life !

[@louisekleinman4941]

I am glad he discarded me … now I can enjoy life .

[@AdamJamesEarlyChasebliss-ru8tq]

So you weren't in love with him. ....then why does it matter

[@danielle2678]

Discarded me because of my boundaries thanks for the video ❤️

[@NarcCon]

You’re welcome 😊

[@KathleenWaterous]

My narc discarded me in the middle of cancer treatment and married someone from his deep dark past with nary a backward glance or even a goodbye. I think this is a prime example of what they are capable of. Might I mention that prior to me getting sick I took care of him and all of his dogs for several years. It traumatized me and devastated me and it has been 2 years and I am still trauma bonded. I am better and have moved on but I don't think I will ever be right again.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@TracyKinnear-h2b]

Yes you will you're a strong person to get over cancer and the narc all the best for a great future

[@SaoirsenahÉireann1]

My heart goes out to you..similar situation here

[@dreamguy2427]

**Edit: sorry Paula, had to edit the post for more clarity and your reaction/emoticon disappeared :) The video confirms, at last, a lot of the things I had already suspected, on my own, even when I didn't know "Personality Disorders" existed. To give an example: they make the discard very abrupt and cruel while also carefully timing it - right after something you said or did that can be interpreted as bad but, in reality, isn't that bad and isn't the real cause for the discard - so that you think THIS is the reason for the discard and YOU are the reason for the discard. If you hadn't previously heard about narcissism, it causes you to plunge into a "sea" of self-deprecation and depression as the endless cold waves of guilt and shame keep crashing into your heart for a long time to come. This state of confusion, you are intentionally left in, will become a steady stream of supply for the narcissist through 2 types of fuel ("proximity fuel" - aka seeing/witnessing you suffer, beg and plead AND "thought fuel" - aka knowing/imagining you in pain and longing for them every second of the day). The good thing is, there are informative KZbin channels like Narc Con that shed a powerful, bright light on things. You may have been discarded and lost a battle, but you certainly will not lose the war (if you do this: @20:38).

[@Breauxmann]

Yes, that was my experience at the last discard as well. They were all my fault btw

[@Auro77]

Very well put. He triggered me to say certain things and then he lashed out on me for having said something. Immediately after I felt a sense of relief because I was holding on for such a long time and I thought it’s ok for couples to argue or fight in a relationship but then he never called or texted. And even days after that I felt it’s such a petty reason to end a relationship but as more days passed by, a thought sure came to my mind where I was blaming myself for saying things. And I had a feeling that he knew already that this is going to be the last time we talked while I was still waiting for a call or text.

[@MissNancy]

I became physically disabled by fibromyalgia and other musculoskeletal issues (as well as having cptsd) in 2011. I discarded him 4 years afterwards. He was only with me for my SSDI and future inheritance $. I do not miss him (divorced and NC 6 years now) but I'm struggling in finding friends. I'm stable and healthier now but I'm alone so much 😥

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

Look out for selfhelp groups, join a hobby group like cooking together or travelling, or even playing cards together...as silly as it sounds ... it helps.❤

[@NarcCon]

Set some new goals that involve interacting with others..volunteer? 🌹🌹

[@margaretwhelan1475]

🙏❤️

[@faddy24]

Yes I had some musculoskeletal issues too,which one specialist at the hospital said could have been brought on by suffering severe stress and the only thing that has been causing me a great deal of emotional/psychological pain and stress in the last 6 months was from the the after effects of a disastrous reunion with my person back in May. Never had health issues like this up to that point.

[@MissNancy]

@@faddy24 Physical pain is linked to emotional pain 😑🙏❤️

[@dragonclaws9367]

17 years. 2 clinic procedures. 1 Bankruptcy 2 evictions 5 license renewals for child support, 2 bails for jail, 8 months homeless with him in a car and one marriage proposal and now he doesn't know who I am hahaha.

[@johnpichla9557]

Yep, they will wipe you out and sit their like it's not their fault. 🏃 run and rebuild!

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@Loriburnett]

O my Lord. I’m so sorry for u. Evil

[@fab-riteweldingmaher6215]

I was arranging to see a therapist who specialises in NPD, then I realised, why am I trying to understand narcissism, I've since enrolled in a psychology course. They've taken up enough to my time ❤😊

[@kimyates6119]

Thank you Paula for another great video! Paula and I had a coaching session this morning. It was incredibly insightful and helpful. She was able to hone in and pick up on exactly what I went through and support me in moving forward. If you are considering having a coaching session with Paula, I highly recommend you do so. ❤

[@NarcCon]

Thank you Kim for your support and being such a positive light yourself 🌹🌸

[@ladyvirgo013]

How do I find information about a coaching session or sessions? I need it

[@NarcCon]

Coaching Enquiries - [e-mail]

[@ladyvirgo013]

@@NarcCon thank you🤍

[@gangGreenthumb]

I knew for a couple years she didn't love me. Ultimately, I discarded the narc. She is so grandiose that she never imagined I'd leave her. Me leaving her left her in disarray as you described. She's got new supply, yet still tried to hoover. I rejected her attempts. She won't be coming back, not in a million years will I take her back. I've seen the monster behind the mask and it is hideous. I was left in a trauma bond, and that was the hardest struggle I've ever gone through in my life. Through therapy and channels like this, I broke free of the trauma bond.

[@midnightmoonflower2999]

Thank you, Paula for all you have done for fort those of us who have fallen in love with a narc. I feel like I have finally recovered from this terrible experience. It has taken a few years to get here. I do not think I could have done it without your channel. You are truly an angel on earth.

[@NarcCon]

So happy to hear your good news and thanks for your support 🌹🌹

[@KJT1567]

Whoa! This one hit home. Day number 3 now no contact. I was able to be focused, productive and centered on my own life rather than stressing about him. He broke me down mentally, physically, but not spiritually. His leaving me was a protection for redirection. It hurts my heart to know that I’ve endured years of abuse from Narc men. My mother was a Narc and all I wanted to do was make her proud. In my adult life it became normal and familiar to me. What I now know is they were anything but. 0 empathy.

[@avani1110]

Going through the exact same thing. We will thrive! Never give up on ourselves and our emotional and physical freedom!

[@Vashti0825]

My former "friend" discarded me when I stopped doing everything she wanted, when she wanted, where she wanted. My former husband discarded our marriage when we got married. I'm 2 years out of that ridiculous marriage and have never been happier.

[@MonkeyDLuffy45068]

I know for a fact that the narcissist was terrified of us separating, because I only wanted a friendship only. I didn’t allow the narcissist to rule me, I continued my lifestyle with boundaries to the narcissist and stood my ground with my values steadfast.

[@ShaheenMatthews]

That first one is me. She totally broke me and then she was done. I felt like I was dying…

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@chriscole5990]

That's why they leave things that they own behind after they discard us. My ex narcissist left a old book and a bible behind after she discarded me a year and a half ago. She took everything else she knew to take those with her she did that to keep me thinking about her. There out of my site now. Buy 👋🏾 got the knowledge now! Thank God for these channels.

[@NarcCon]

Not surprised she left the bible chris eh 🌹

[@chriscole5990]

@@NarcCon yep! Me too! 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@DearGodHaveMercy]

She is GOOD. Makes so much sense and 100% truthful! I know it because I've lived it with a narc!

[@Ikwilgeennaam]

Number 3; thanx, I think now, that this is the main reason I was finally discarded. And why I was immediately replaced with his new flame; ‘the one’. First I didn’t understand why. We had a very good life together, lots of fun, good conversations, shared interests, enough money, a nice house, great vacations, a family and friends, and so on. But now I think he was really afraid I would leave him first. And this was, because I found out a very personal secret of him, something he was hiding from me from the beginning of our relationship (25 years ago). I could have lived with his ‘secret’, but we never came to have a normal, adult conversation about it. Every time I tried, the conversation ended in a narcissistic rage, and so I stopped trying…. And when he finally left me, he claimed that it was me that caused him a trauma (?), that it was me that was not as spiritually developed as he was (?), and that I was not equal to him anymore (?). But he wanted very much to stay best friend with me. I didn’t understand this. For me this was ‘no closure’. But in his mind that was the truth, and this was why he left me all over sudden 😮 I researched ‘what the hell happend’ and soon discovered who and what he really was. I have to be glad he left me. And although it is a long and painful road to full recovery ❤️‍🩹 it is a blessing in disguise 🎉 I hope my story can help you with your journey of discovery and healing ❤

[@satcav4173]

Thank you for putting into words what I've had to live through, having others understand really does help.

[@markschmeits3702]

She left me indeed after lovey dovey sweetness and talking about how she looked forward to chill in her new house together…. And I always felt that she set me up for this. To make the damage as big as possible. Your videos kind of confirmed this. I have to realise: what I lost was a problem!

[@loisperkins2767]

All 5 reasons apply to my experience. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT THE VERY BEST NARCISSIST EXPLAINED VIDEO I HAVE EVER WATCHED. Thank you so very much.

[@NarcCon]

Thank you 🌹

[@luannkelly5071]

The toxic relationship broke me down physically and mentally, and he was mad I couldn't do everything anymore. He wouldn't visit me in the hospital because he said he could not handle sick people. He was such a man-child too. I don't miss him, but I am trying to date now and afraid of it happening again.

[@fayej9236]

Years ago, I was discarded by a blogger, and I feel sure she poisoned other against me. I saw her do it to others in our group. I couldn't understand any of it. She hurt so many people for so long. I tried to understand what was going on, and that is how I finally came to understand the game plan of the covert narcissist. Thank you for this excellent video.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@JH-td4mn]

I like your comment about starting a KZbin channel about Narcissism to stop them coming back again. Oh dear Paula, I hope that's worked for you! 🤞🏻❤️

[@sandymanning-b5o]

Thank you Paula and Reny for the insightful words you share with us. It is eliminating and freeing to understand ourselves again and put back belief and positivity into our lives to thrive in life as we did before they trapped us! Pray your journey of healing is fruitful and rewarding and is good to learn to be kind to ourselves again. We are worth it 🥳

[@id9139]

Mine Narc was my doctor. He did me a favour and then expected a reward. When I didnt go out with him he blocked me from contact. When I found his mobile number to speak to him directly, he threw a tantrum like a 2 year old then waited for my reaction. When I remained calm and didnt react he hung up. Jekyll & Hyde.

[@phyllisroberts1008]

Too old no money won't talk when needs to be about me. So glad I found this❤

[@jfny1]

She said it was because I used to drink...but I used to drink to unwind from my work day.

[@jackiep5009]

They will use YOUR social drinking as something to point to (it makes them look good and like the victim). Don’t believe it. I realized this when my wine drinking at dinner was a problem but his mom’s was fine

[@guitarlessonswithbillythek8753]

I became too broken. Sounds pathetic, but it’s the truth. I also became too difficult to control at the same time. She knew I was contemplating leaving the relationship, so she said what she had to say to keep me, then a few days later I was discarded. It has now been three weeks, no contact from her or me, except for day, one. I never knew anything about narcissists or their traits until this happened to me. Have a good night.

[@anndillard8681]

4weeks before discard he told me that he's never loved me more.. everything is about his moods.. his ego.... no genuine communication at the time.. as in talking about what I stated.. etc.. also a few months earlier, he has already told me he was tired of being so negative..

[@chrysanthemum8392]

He sought vengeance. Thought I was ignoring him. Actually, I was furious as he continued to break promises. It hurt a lot at the time, but now I am sooooo happy to have him out of my life.

[@kirkhogan2688]

I think all these five examples were in my relationship I've been out of it for over a year with out any hoovers thankfully so far. Another great video paula👍

[@NarcCon]

Thanks indeed Kirk 🌸

[@cheryl3895]

Highly Personalized, wow that's a perfect way to say it.

[@ThePowerAndControlWheel]

I lost my cool attraction, my physical desire attraction .. because I was kind, thoughtful, genuine .. because i made sure to not be controlling or dominating in any way because she had been abused before (so she says) .. because i showed warmth .. because i didn't seduce her, i respected her, i didn't act all cool like she saw me being in school where we worked together .. and because i said "no" and questioned something, and had autonomy and was not willing to be coerced or move from my gorgeous place to some pokey place down from her. She says she's in a most desired place in town by the cathedral.. yep, where people argue and wear bling and where there are murders. It's like they want to be seen so desperately to be doing well, better than the others, that they become blind, arrogant, bad-mouthing, judgemental

[@phoenixrising4768]

You heal me. ❤ 🙏🏻

[@thebigh9635]

More brilliant insight from our Paula ❤🎉🙏 The truth is narc's don't actually care about anyone elses happiness , it is all about them , and what they can get out of you . I remember if I ever had anything nice going on or shared anything good the narc NEVER had anything positive to say . There was always silence or the odd sarcastic mocking remark . They got away with it by making out that flattery or recognition was just not ' their style ' , and if I questioned anything I was instantly branded over sensitive or reactionary . I was always expected to endure this ' quirk ' because they were apparently the ONLY one who actually understood me or who truly cared !! 🤔🤨 It is true that most other people are too busy with their own lives to show us the same degree of time or level of interest , and the narc will use this to gaslight us into thinking that only THEY are truly loyal ! I fell for that one for YEARS ! Empaths tend to respond to affirmation and approval because we need affection and to feel valued and appreciated , and the narc KNOWS this , and takes FULL advantage to ensure they become the center of our EVERYTHING ! It is NOT because they care , it is all about maintaining full control and keeping us firmly in our place , beneath them ! We are their puppet , or property , and live our very much SECONDARY lives at THEIR permission ! They will toss us the occasional worn to keep us hooked on their line , which will keep us reeling in at their leisure . Make no mistake , those other people who ' apparently " don't care actually have FAR more respect and good will towards us in reality than the narc will EVER have !! The single biggest reality check an empath can have is that WE have always had the power and the only power the narc ever had was the energy , time and love that we GAVE them !! Without those basic things the narc becomes just an empty dark shadow , moving on to attach itself to its next unsuspecting victim !! Hope you are having a truly GREAT week , whatever you are doing?! 🙏💪❤️💋

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌸🥰

[@yoyito2020]

This woman made me realize how terrible my ghoster is. I honestly believe this person is 100% a narcissist; for starters he has mental problems, he has BPD. The way all started, the way all ended, the things he did to isolate me, the way he manipulated our friends, how he discarded me after I set up some boundaries, and how he lied to one of his friends and said he was the one who stopped talking to me, when he knows he came back after ghosting and tried to talk to me after ignoring a lot of heartfelt messages. I was the one who sent him a goodbye text, and he gave me the silent treatment after that, this is proof of that, he has to be a narcissist. This person played with my reality and tried to gaslight me. Thank you so much for this video.

[@MegaRockstar48]

I was discarded as I walked out after another of her narcissistic outbursts. After two years I’d had enough abuse and her mood swings. I won’t get hoovered as she knows I know what she is

[@Mandooze]

❤❤❤ im so glad this is a new video PLUS the title pulled me in

[@jimward6184]

Thank u so much..just been out for a pint she turned up where we used to sit..just to talk to everyone tomake u feel like a .... they are so good at faking fn everything makes me feel fn sick

[@nicolagrimmer100]

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT THE VERY BEST NARCISSIST EXPLAINED VIDIO IVE EVER WATCHED .!!! THANK YOU ❤

[@NarcCon]

Wow, thank you! 🌹🌸

[@Odetta-c3y]

This makes so much sense what you are saying. The confusion that comes behind the discard out of the blue is unbelievable, but I realized that my partner of seven years is a narcissist that wore his mask very well. So I can imagine that all of what you’re saying about what they think in the mind was happening to my narcissist, but let me tell you what happened to him after he left. He started using drugs again. He claims to have stage 4 cancer. He’s in and out of the hospital. He’s asking mutual friends of ours to make him something to eat when I was that girl that cooked nutritious wonderful meals. He is a pathetic shell of his self and I cannot say that I’m sorry or have any compassion for him, meanwhile I am working. I am at peace and I am healing. It has been three years that I have went no contact. The best thing I could’ve did for my life.

[@peterpan1957]

Fantastic video. I can really relate to this. Thank you again so much.

[@NarcCon]

🥰🌹

[@debbysmith7129]

Thank you. Shooooo this is making me think alot!!!!!! Been feeling very low!!!!!! He Cheated on me with exwife. Discarded me - ran away like a coward, and i had to pick up my pieces - feeling like there was somthing wrong with me. I need to get it in my head to get him out of my head still. And that why he is no good for me. But did love him a lot. But he sure messed all my emotion up.( going on two months and trying to get through this.

[@angelablaney4575]

Debbie, are you talking about the same narc?? Exactly experience I had!! Still in interested in ex wife. You wrote this at same time as I left narc. I'm not ex wife. He was seeing a Debbie as well as me at same time as ex wife!! Yes and disappeared on me too!! May just be coincidence but I know Debbie was fond of him as I was too!! I know he played ex, me and Debbie against each other!! ♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@raanfo]

Mine too. Cheated on me with wife with who he said he was separated from! OMG!

[@fastnpray9729]

Thank you Paula for all that you do. I have learned so much about narcissism from your channel and other channels you are a wonderful teacher and on point I've been no contact with narc sister for six and a half years. She discarded me, two months after my husband passed away she wanted me to quit feed my home over to her and move to the area in Florida that she lived in. I told her no I'm not about to do that God would provide, which he has and I learned all about narcissism wow, what an eye opener. My whole life she's been super jealous now I know why. Thanks again for the great work you are doing.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@angelahart1479]

Great. Thankyou. Its been a year and no hoover and silence. Feeling better each day too.😊

[@NarcCon]

Wonderful!

[@estherwilson-zg4et]

Awesome news, Melanie! I'm so happy for you! My family ( whanau) have written to the Ministry of Justce here in Aotearoa, New Zealand to ask for a review and reform of the archaic law whereby a 2yr separation is required before you can file for a divorce - as if my daughter hasn't been through enough! 😢

[@HuricaneChampagne]

i commented on several similar posts in hopes of bringing awareness to that which sets back people’s lives that are equally if not more important than the narc in your life making sure you nolonger validate your life experiences nolonger hearing your inner voice 😊

[@sooozannah33]

Any advice on how should you deal with the flying monkey's that they surround themselves with? I've pretty much withdrawn myself from being part of my local community for the best part of 20 years due to fears of bumping into various people, whilst they have continued living their lives to the fullest. Anytime I put myself out there even a little it seems that they pop up.

[@shawnmarie1912]

Move

[@sooozannah33]

@@shawnmarie1912 if only I could

[@shawnmarie1912]

@@sooozannah33 for the best part of 20 years? Come on, move

[@sooozannah33]

Thanks @@shawnmarie1912 it's always nice to be reminded that when you share some of your experience that not only will you not be believed but you'll often be offered simplistic (and victim shaming) 'advice' such as 'just move' - even though you've done nothing wrong and to hell with any actual commitments, ties, financial issues or other reason why you don't want to or can't.

[@shawnmarie1912]

@@sooozannah33 uhh OK don't move

[@terrancekilson829]

No. 2 hits home…. Spot on. Thank you so much.. powerful video

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@karenwagner1776]

Yes when I broke NC … the 3rd party came around … he did not care … he found out I was moving out of State. 3 days later … he moved left his apt … never told me!!! After I was sitting there talking to him … He thought he left left me first … 😢 I left a note on that girls car … and left a dead moth in a card on his truck. 5 days later he called … he was Jewish so I said you know what you did and God knows what you did, then I put a little dig in …. After he said I was weird and a Witch… I said oh the Moth is Spiritual… he spewed … oh yeah spiritual…. In a negative tone I gave him many crystals and he loved the massages. So … I kept repeating after he said I moved from the E. Bay … I hope you made the right decision… then he says I will come and get the rest of my things next week…. Not that I want to see you! Never showed up as he lives a little ways down the street .. it was however the Jewish NY … Wow the most craziest mind blowing horror movie that you disassociate from! I told him once after some weird argument… he got some reaction from me … I said don’t ever call me again and have fun on the dark side! He said yeah that’s where I’m at right now! One time I was there I head in the bathroom … after feeling this very heavy energy I looked at myself in the mirror 🪞 and I felt sick 🤢 disgusted and the smell of the presence lingering in the air … was so bizarre.

[@sheriuk7653]

Thanks for sharing the video-with a narc you do not chase you replace-my motto with them is treat me like a queen and I will treat you like a king-you play games I show them how their played-which a narctard will not like-

[@SuperMarion61]

Just found your channel, please do or point me in the direction of adult children who are narcissists? The after affects of this after 20 + years are horrendous 😢😡

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@michaelwinecoff680]

“They just feel indestructible”…

[@rosemarybrown4407]

‘Hypnotised and compliant ‘

[@dixiedean8429]

Interesting and thought provoking as always. Even if it is you who leaves the relationship, ( I can't say 'discard' because the Narc can stay inside of your head for years afterwards if you've been in a long term partnership) after unsuccessful hoovering attempts, and you managing to stay strong enough to go no contact or at least Grey Rock, the Narc will/could then attempt to rewrite the narrative so that it is she/he who has finally ended things, and lets everyone know how unworthy you were in the process. It is unlikely that you will ever have the last word so my advice would be not to bother. Get educated and make efforts to get back in contact with yourself and who you are. Good luck to all! 🙏

[@garycordle5295]

Thanks for the video Paula 🙏 once you know you go you get out and you stay out 🙏 no contact is the only way.

[@NarcCon]

So true!

[@womanclothedinthesunq7574]

Thank you Paula ☺️🌵🤠 love from Albuquerque.

[@tresakehl5967]

All of these reasons were used over 100 times . But once I started figuring things out and he knew I knew his cycling was on steroids . He could only keep his facade up for about 7 days . He knew I was putting up with zero . I did discard him the last time and have been free 2 years although about every 6 weeks he attempts a hoover ... he did a major downgrade and it used to hurt me but I now know its because he had to go to low hanging fruit because he didn't have to try . I had higher standards . I did betray myself and my morals not happy about that .