Why Do Abusive Parents Deny What Happened?

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4 жыл бұрын

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Пікірлер: 71

@oliverjrcooper 9 ай бұрын

True Self: How To Reconnect With Your True Self - www.amazon.com/dp/B0C2RVJKD5/ref=sr_1_8?crid=Z46INBEWR7TW&keywords=oliver+jr+cooper&qid=1682791748&sprefix=oliver+jr+coo%2Caps%2C894&sr=8-8

@uk7769 5 ай бұрын

"i would never hurt my family" says every abusive alcoholic

@xtrm2009 Ай бұрын

every parent says it too, especially if they claim to be christians.

@robiness5344 7 ай бұрын

First of all ….narcs take no accountability, save your breath trying to get thru to their demonic minds 👹

@NanaWilson-px9ij 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for the clear explanation of Narcissism and projection of shame. The absolute avoidance to face their own shame is a constant.

@oliverjrcooper 9 ай бұрын

You are welcome. Thank you for your feedback. Well said. There is a reluctance to engage in self-reflection and this would bring them into contact with their shame and self-hate. Ultimately, they are not strong enough to face reality.

@graceleslie1894 8 ай бұрын

Agreed. The explanation of self protection ...As a truth teller/seeker, I know of a (narcissist) who used those exact words...to protect themselves...And they admitted their use of (flying monkeys ) to emotionally and physically support their (denied) behavior toward the (target), is also to further protect themselves. Their victim mentality is through the roof 😮 Ironically, such a shame

@mikesmith6594 3 ай бұрын

My father has been doing this for a really long time he denies everything bad he's ever done to me & acts like he's holier than thou and a goody 2shoes . He doesn't give a damn about me his son he only came back into my life to use mind control . Don't want anything to do with him! He's done nothing but bring the worse out in me he also secretly betrayed me with people who claim they were my friends & family .

@bengoodes1581 2 ай бұрын

So true they hide behind darkness( lies/shame). The child then is put in the dark they create.

@oliverjrcooper 2 ай бұрын

Well said. The child is also put into the darkness that they have disowned.

@steve4524 3 ай бұрын

I kind of confronted my father and he replied with anger and disgust at me and said “ that’s just the way things were done back in those days” No accountability and kind of gaslighting. I’m keeping the peace at a far distance in hope I’m still in there will lol. And to be honest I don’t think I’ll even cry at his funeral

@graphitetalk 5 ай бұрын

I was an only child and had abusive parents..both parents blamed me, shouted at me frequently,beat me as a child for minor naughtiness or disobedience. I often had shame that the neighbours can hear the shouting and what will they think? I had shame that the cane marks will be visible on my arms and legs and the kids in school will ask. I had a lot of shame, and anger. My parents fought with each other as well over minor things. There was no alcholism or vices, in fact both were very self righteous church goers ! As i grew up i had a sense of anger and revenge against them. When my father was in his eighties he came to live with me. I took him in and cared for him, but i berated him, shouted at him and beat him for minor annoyances and disobedience. I was having my revenge and loving it. When he asked me why am i so rough with him, i reminded him of all that he had said and done to me my whole childhood. Guess what....he denied everything and said that he had only given me love ! Unbelievable. I dont know whether he really lived in denial or he felt it better to deny the truth. Any insights ? For me, i found peace in a happy marriage to a calm man, and did not repeat this behaviour. I found peace in the revenge i had on my father when he fell into my hands. Perhaps that makes me a bad person ?

@occidziggys9496 2 ай бұрын

I'm not a professionalist so don't take my words to heart simply my opinion if you wished to hear them to perhaps helps you process more of the situation whether or not it's wrong. However in my opinion i feel like what you did isn't really completely wrong however it isn't completely right either, i think it's more about defending yourself, finding a voice for the you that was once young and abused (at least that's how i see it) which is why i don't really find it wrong as clearly you were never heard even in the end when you and your father was both adults, as he denied any wrong doings. Despite the fact that you never see theses types of people doing the same thing to others who aren't their own children, (or else they get arrested) clearly shows that they are aware somewhat even if not consciously that what they are doing is wrong, especially when it's not someone's else child who gets the same treatment and it's two strangers. (i also had abusive parents though they were more emotionally abusive, even if sometimes what my father did to me could be seen as sexual abuse by some, so i base off some of my opinion based on it as well as observation though I don't know a lot)

@marshfilm Ай бұрын

The individuals you call 'parents' were weak and stupid and proud.. just like mine... They are simply not intellectually able... They are disabled... Your emotions towards them is 100% accurate. I fear the same fate for me, as I can't stand the presence of either of mine, and sometimes can't resist telling 'em calmly and logically what I really think... I desperately try to not be their abuser... but I'm sure I'm gonna fail.

@almondmilksoda 4 ай бұрын

Growing up in my household, mistakes were considered a moral failure on behalf of the person making them. Makes sense as to why I never tried to do anything. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. So, I froze. That's how I survived. Now, I have to fix this in adulthood. I'm not getting what I want out of life because I'm hiding, living in constant fear of persecution, even though that narcissistic family member isn't around anymore.

@noway-uf7pe 2 ай бұрын

Admitting flaws and mistakes for a NPD is anathema. Their toddler egos can't fucking handle it!

@gd1465 9 ай бұрын

I can see this as b3ing the case with my narcissistic mother who scapegoated me. But i cant see it being the case with the "best friend" i had who was in fact my worst enemy in desguise. A narcissist. He saw me when my guard was down, and knew from the getgo what he wzs goi g to do with me. From the love bombing, to the devaluation, then to the discard. He left with everything. He left with my soul, with my identity. He stole my friends. He took everything and left me in pieces. You know, it can be very invaldiating for codependents to say that narcissists react out of their own trauma. It excuses them. Some people are evil. When Paul bernardo chose certain victims for him to murder, he knew what he was doing. My "friend" used to laugh about how he put a goldfish in a bleach. I once saw him beat a dog with a stick. There are simply evil people in the world. They are spoken about in fairy tales, the wolf dressed up as grandma to eat red riding hood. They are cunning, they are tactful, and they are children of the devil, destined for hell. That is the God honest truth. Psychology does not speak about good and evil, but religion does.

@theharringtons2010 6 ай бұрын

I swore my family's dysfunction and abuse would stop at me and I thank god my son is a happy adult with a normal family of his own..

@oliverjrcooper 6 ай бұрын

That's great to hear. It sounds like you have done really well :D.

@LoverOfManyArts 4 жыл бұрын

Extremely insightful video. Deserves far more views

@oliverjrcooper 4 жыл бұрын

Hello Charles, I'm glad you found it helpful. Thank you for your feedback. Oliver

@jamesdenman8031 8 ай бұрын

Becuz they were never a real parent in the first place

@lisaculver1829 8 ай бұрын

Forgiveness is universal and reciprocal….how u judge, u will be judged…if u want peace, give it ❤️

@KittyCuties33 8 ай бұрын

To anyone who needs to hear it: forgiveness is not the same as trust and doesn't mean we have to tolerate or stay around harmful behavior in anyone, especially when healthy changes are not being worked on. It is not wrong to righteously judge reality and make wise decisions based on truth, and that doesn't mean we have to hate the other person or wish them ill. True peace is not the absence of conflict or avoiding discussions or responsibility or avoiding standing up for self-respect and values. True peace is made by both parties being honest, bending toward God's ways and truth, working together for what is best for both parties with respect and accountability, and both working through problems and changing for the better. This takes both sides doing the work to create peace and trust and safety and respect. It's okay to love from a distance when needed. I hope all who are seeking find healing.

@Oughut88 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this. So useful to me on this very dark day.

@oliverjrcooper Жыл бұрын

Your are very welcome. I'm pleased to hear that, and I hope you are in a better place now.

@user-rc2xs5ti2w 10 күн бұрын

Some parents spoil their kids.

@desktopkitty 9 ай бұрын

Because my mom abanonded me at age 6 (she left because my dad was abusive, but then didn't rescue me from him) I ended up growing up with my abusive dad.... and his abusive mom. She was probably why he was abusive. So now I have 2 of them. And the abuse wasn't just emotional and physical, it was also sexual. My dad would do things, and my grandma would tell me it was my fault, that I seduced him. So not only was I abused, I was told it was my fault I was abused, that I had "asked for it". I don't know where to categorize my mom. She knew what was going on. She knew both my dad and grandma were abusive. She knew that by leaving me, I would be stuck with both of them. But she never came back to rescue me. Instead she waited until I was all grown up, moved out on my own, and then popped back into my life.... only to tell me to move back in with my dad so I could cook, clean and basically be his wife all over again.

@ellarose1854 9 ай бұрын

Sorry

@MichNative01 9 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry, life is not fair. My husband was a scapegoat, the abuse continues. Family members don't talk, the mom is 85, her time is limited. Narcissism...God I hate it.

@ptlovelight2971 9 ай бұрын

This is so awful...im so sorry you had to experience this. Sending you love and prayers for continued healing 🙏🏽

@RationalNon-conformist 5 ай бұрын

Wow, I’m truly so very sorry. Evil exists! Your mother is a horrible human being for leaving you there like that, especially because you mentioned she knew they were abusive. I wish you were rescued:( I hope you find lots of love and healing.

@user-py6ql2lg6w 5 ай бұрын

Both.😢

@vvv70v 13 күн бұрын

Thank you Oliver!

@oliverjrcooper 13 күн бұрын

You are welcome. Thank you for your comment.

@HeartFeltGesture 4 ай бұрын

Thankyou, I appreciate your clear communication and calm delivery.

@oliverjrcooper 4 ай бұрын

You are so welcome. Thank you for your kind words.

@coolnamebro Ай бұрын

Thanks for this extremely helpful video. There should be an emotional maturity exam before people are allowed to have children.

@oliverjrcooper Ай бұрын

You are welcome. That sounds like a great idea.

@user-rc2xs5ti2w Ай бұрын

I guess people deny what happened because they see it different and if they also love, they will feel attacked by the memory that you are exposing as a predatory content to them. In their minds they are the parents. They have lots of beliefs, values about this activity to honor (like they did in the past) and the overwhelming feeling of. Non grateful adult child is enough for them to not even listen very well what you are telling. They may wonder what you might be looking for if not to punish them? And in their memories things happened differently but the other is not open to hear either - and eventually their curiosity of why the other is bringing all of this after all?

@xtrm2009 Ай бұрын

I just wish I could find a roommate so I can get out of my family's house. It's just too much of their toxic behavior. Of course, I'm not gonna type the whole story about what's going on. But I've been depressed lately and can't take it anymore being near my "relatives". Never thought I'd even sleep on the streets on 3 occasions and nobody in my family seemed to care. Me ending up homeless, I see it as a possibility. I don't know why a lot of people say "ALL" parents are "loving" and "caring" when that's not the case.

@smoozerish 10 ай бұрын

Well thought out video. thanks.

@oliverjrcooper 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for your feedback. I'm pleased you found it helpful.

@faithheaven2409 3 жыл бұрын

l am glad you follow stories & state facts, I wish it had been service & good people to help us from the Monster Parent, specially the Monster Mother. we I've been failed badly from a child and I've always lived my life 1 day at a time not caring about anything in life much, or myself.. Its only one person I can say I care about that kept me during 1 day at a time but I really lived why entire life as if each day was the last day and nothing else to look forward to. all this monster ever taught me was that education meant nothing. Its so much I don't know where to start, I've lost countless years of rest, and I've tried to block out all that happened but it's impossible to do so. her older children walked away not caring if she lived or died and I'm the one stayed around trying to help her in a lot of bad situations and all she ever had are excuses! she don't have any remorse for what she did and she never apologized for any of it. I've always tried to help her and the more I help her the worst she treat me to This very day. she's just as evil as she ever been and I wanted to call Steve wilkos but I know she want answers any of his questions or anyone's questions and she hates white people! She hates anyone who try to tell her what she's did it doing wrong. she never thought much of authority figures, justice systems or laws. the way we had to live do to her not caring, are very sad. She had 1 teen who attempt to jump from a 9th floor project building, and another teen got scared telling her that she think the other teen was going to jump out the window and all she said was she didn't care and she made no attempts to try to prevent it from happening, she continued doing what she was doing and that probably was watching one life to live or all my children or general hospital at that time. This is a drop in the bucket of my childhood my mother was a bad parent and still pure evil to this day..she deserve to burn in hell. & some people don't deserve to bring kids into the world..Going to tell you some of what happened in my life as a child and I'm still effected by it today. We were homeless as a child do to poor choices the lady who birth me , she never showed love for her children. I've had a number of conversations/ disagreements with her about how she failed me as a child and her excuses are always telling me it's my fault. she's a very cold hearted monster, with no heart or soul whatsoever. I am the youngest born with SMA ( spinal muscular atrophy) She never been supportive in any situations. She had her older kids saying negative things making , one constantly calling me cripple on different occasions and the lady that birth me smirk as if it was funny. She never cared ever and I got a brother who suffer from autism, she never got him the help he needed. she beat and abused him a lot calling him names like crazy or profanity names very often. She should've given me & him up for adoption because from the age 8, I believe we became homeless hungry going from house to house then vacant apartment to vacant apartments in the projects. I remember she would ask people to borrow money when she had no income to pay it back, sometimes she borrow $15 , 10, or 5, whatever people could afford to give. I remember she were only able to borrow $5 this one time and she bought a pack of cigarettes that cost about $3.35 and this had to be around 1985. I remember asking her to buy some food and she said I am buying me some cigarette because if I buy food once the food gone then what. I said we can't eat cigarettes. she bought the cigarette, then she use the rest which was about $1.75 left to buy some penny candy. she said eat some candy to kill the hungry pain. My brother who suffer from autism , she beat on him a lot she handcuffed him to the chair with handcuffs that my dad son with his ex wife given her, he worked as a security at that time. she wouldn't get him on medication and when she did she trashed a lot of the medication saying she not giving him that. I went to school first grade and I missed 2nd 3rd and 4th grade do to her not being in her business like she should've. she point a finger at everyone but don't accept responsibility for her own action rite now today.I told her that a step brother molested me at age 5 and she said I didn't tell her and I said the other grown ups made me think it was my fault and she told me it's my fault for not telling her. She treat me so bad do to my disability and I'm the only one who try to help help but never again because she don't exist to me. when I did get in school in 5th grade I act out so badly do to what I was going through with and she sat around waiting on people to give. i Remember one of my step brother ask her to watch his sick child about age 3, he had brain tumors, she told me she whip him because he doing all that crying and he was to old to be in pampers. I told her he was sick she didn't care. She is pure evil. one of my other brothers gmjpin the gang living in the projects and he ask her to put him in a different school he was about 14, she said no because he shouldn't be hanging with gangs but that was all he knew because we grew up in that hood. He really had no choice but to join or get picked on but the school was a few blocks away in the rival gang turf. I told her that her old neighbor tried to molest me and I didn't tell her and I told her I shouldn't been outside 2 and 3 am and sleeping in vacant apartments just me in my autism bother most time because she wasn't there. she make up a million excuses. she told it's old stuff I'm bringing up and to get over it. she don't understand the scares are real deep and to make it worst she won't apologize she don't think she's wrong. I told her I was a 8 year old child staying in vacant apartments hungry many days.Has no soap no deodorant no nothing. this story so long so deep and it can go on forever. my dad had custody of him and his ex wife kids and he and they got beat and abused , one of his daughters told that our dad sisters would make them pull they panties down then sniff between they legs to see how they smelled and smirking making fun of and laughing. I plan to write a book and I wish it could be a movie bcuz the world definitely need to know.

@KG-py8yq Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for the way you explained this. It has helped a lot

@oliverjrcooper Жыл бұрын

You're very welcome! I'm pleased to hear that it has assisted you.

@keegankeepgoing Ай бұрын

Thank you❤

@oliverjrcooper Ай бұрын

You are welcome. Thank you for your feedback, and keep sharing your thought-provoking quotes.

@hausoflaboratories 8 ай бұрын

Well it's eclipse coming now I can close the cycle, wish me luck, it's a sweet video for me. Now I get it what happened to me and to this lineage. Thank you so much this is such a great insight for me.

@oliverjrcooper 8 ай бұрын

Hello @hausoflaboratories, I wish you all the best. I'm pleased to hear that this video has assisted you. You are welcome. Keep up the good work.

@Tom_Wolf_ 2 ай бұрын

Very helpful, thanks

@oliverjrcooper 2 ай бұрын

I'm glad it was helpful!

@Lauradalpini Жыл бұрын

Wowwww... are describe my mom to a T.

@oliverjrcooper Жыл бұрын

It is unlikely to occur to a parent like this that how they respond is the same or very similar to how other abusive parents behave when they are unable to face reality. Most likely, they are carry too much pain and need to defend against it at all costs to be able to keep it together. I created this one after - kzbin.info/www/bejne/eIHadHmlisyGr7M

@Foxytrot-sx2vd 6 ай бұрын

What if they do say they are sorry and they do stop the abuse, but they don't want to keep talking about it as they say they are too ashamed, they just want to never do it again, and be better? Is it likely? Does it ever warrant forgiveness or is it broken, and needs to be "no contact"?

@GK222_ 6 ай бұрын

That is a very tricky situation, but I'd say that if they want you back in their life then they need to face what they've done to you. They don't get to just gloss over it. That's like someone telling you how to experience your pain. Err with caution going forward with that person