Why do narcissists use other people to help them get over you? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 691

[@emanuelarangos4247]

It's extremely sad when you love a narcissist and he crushes you in return.

[@LG-ly7pw]

What do you love about him?

[@reginabernard7590]

@@LG-ly7pw we love the person we wish they’d be. The idea of them. Because realistically, there’s nothing to love. Learned it a bit too late

[@daniellemorse6929]

Sometimes we see things in them that they show on occasion that we love. One thing is guaranteed with them is that they will crush us. 💔

[@LG-ly7pw]

@@reginabernard7590 yeah they’re potential. Yes very easy to get caught in that. And especially when reminiscing on the love bombing phase. But it’s all crap. They are very little of who they claim to be. One line of thought I used to help me stay empowered is knowing that THEY themselves have zero tolerance for their type of behaviour like lying, cheating, neglect, etc.. so I mirrored him and walked. Hes blocked on everything!

[@LG-ly7pw]

@@daniellemorse6929 absolutely

[@spiritwellness252]

The narc is a controlling maniac. The new person is not going to be happy later on when they figure the narc out…... I’m happy and free now.

[@shandagause1585]

Facts ..

[@vanessawilliams7660]

Yes

[@theosaka69]

Absolutely correct! I’m glad that you are Happy and FREE❣️🙏🏾

[@margov5916]

They always think some one else will fit them better. But it won't. Then they think you were better, and want to come back.

[@palomahair8616]

100%

[@kiddytube3915]

And then I’m already in a committed relationship with someone else

[@ShayLove84Fam1st]

💯💯💯

[@never4saken165]

Straight facts 💯

[@inspiredbydior5447]

So true! They are truly delusional.

[@recoveringsoul755]

They were ALREADY in other relationships before you/they ended it

[@MentalHealness]

that's true a lot of time

[@nicholecornes1915]

​@MentalHealness so they dam well know all the bullshit they put us though 🙄

[@Eddonis84]

Stop worrying about what narcissist are saying about you they are hating on you in the same manner they hate on everybody else keep up the great work

[@shundricatorrance4281]

So that's why he calls me crazy and says I have issues.🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[@carmenroselles1607]

My ex narc called me crazy every chance he got. Made me feel so ashamed.

[@lilycherkaoui5423]

@@carmenroselles1607 I was actually ashamed I was with him to begin with. I felt like I lowered my standards and then he called me every name. A no win situation. Glad he is gone. My eyes wide open now. Better late than never.

[@sheneerussell2418]

I knew that they were coming for him. LEE STAY STRONG..YOU ARE DOING THE LORDS WORK . ❤

[@Kat_Apiata]

My ex narc moved on within 2 weeks of our separation, and I felt nothing but relief. It was all I needed to find the courage to finally move forward.

[@Delaine2005]

I can relate..It was a weight lifted.

[@loyaltyzaccai]

Exactly. 💕

[@mrvocal21]

Most of them come back though especially if you were together for a long time i.e. a stable source of supply you may be hearing from them for the rest of your life.

[@starttakinnotez]

It wasn't a 2 week process. There was lots of love bombing via text & most likely in person while you were with him. They leave when the new supply that can give the same or more benefits is hooked. They're users. The same thing will happen to the person they're with.

[@natashasmith4570]

Happy for you.😊

[@DoesItReallyMatter25]

When I left the Narc Ex, I prayed he found a new supply so I could move on in peace, even though I was very hurt. I needed peace, deserved it and I thrive in it now! Blocked all contact and babbbbbyyyyy, best decision ever!

[@pammj7201]

I had to do the same thing!!!! Nothing like peace of mind...

[@chloelageaux769]

This question is simple. The Narc uses other ppl to move on from another person because they HATE being alone! Once you are alone, you only have yourself to deal with. So, you can do a lot of inflection, self care, accountability, and self improvement. However, some Narcs don't want to do this type of work because it requires taking responsibility and change. It's so much easier to just go from person to person and let other ppl think that you aren't the real problem! This is why it's so IMPORTANT to ask serious questions in the beginning! Are you really single? How long was your last relationship? How long have you been single? What did you do during your single season? Pay attention to their responses and actions! Don't let them rush you either! If they really like you then they can wait and you will see their true self!

[@SuprEmpth]

You have been the missing piece to the puzzle on how to “pre-screen” these demons(sorry Lee) before getting emotionally involved. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@daeclipse03]

My ex told me she was single for 3 years but that was after she asked me how long I was single and I told her 5 years. She was simply mirroring me when in reality she jumps from one guy right to the next.

[@divinereveals3842]

Lol they will still lie

[@2810sha]

It hurt! I'm trying to move on . My Narc wife left me for another man. Mean while I have been getting my self together But the pain is still there.

[@jessicawebber7925]

I was also crushed by a narcissist. I am still shocked over it. But it was a lesson and it pushed me to better myself and go to therapy, advance my career and pursue my degree. But these type of people I do have sympathy for and why a person would do this and manipulate someone this way.

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

😢 it saddens me to see they’ll never be able to feel real love or trust. Hopefully some will get help and have a healthy relationship 🎉🎉🎉 one day

[@ShaisTime]

Say it again for the people in the BACK 🗣️‼️ Just because they move on fast in a new relationship does NOT MEAN THEY WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE ‼️ They almost 9/10 WILL CIRCLE BACK ⭕️🔁 Trust me ! Even though they put you through pure hell ‼️‼️ 🔥🔥 They will think they did NOTHING WRONG & come back 😭🙄

[@jenn-24]

Would it be the same if they leave & go back to their ex? That’s what my ex did to me.

[@traceybiles2061]

Them moving on immediately is them being with someone or others already in your relationship..those people will get the same thing...good riddance to them..

[@ShaisTime]

@@traceybiles2061 You’re absolutely right. 💯💯 Narcissists ALWAYS talk to people behind your back. You just don’t know it, until you go through that phone & find out the hard way 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[@ShaisTime]

@@jenn-24 My ex did that to me. He’s doing that now. Saying he’s on my side & cares about me & has my back lol still flirts. Not sure if you consider that hoovering but that’s being done to me. & In the past when it hasn’t worked out, he did try to come back also. I have children with him too so.. that could be it also. Even though he’s inconsistent & acts like a deadbeat

[@QueenBee-fg1iz]

True! My ex was already talking with another woman so I left. He showed up 6 months later and denied being with her. I didn’t jump to get him back so he left and started the smear campaign immediately. His daughter told me she had picked him and the woman up at a motel the day before he showed up here. He introduced her as his girlfriend! Crazy.

[@completely_me75]

How do they use others to get over someone they never cared about? They use others to fill and endless pit of a void.

[@TheSpiritRoom23]

Mine used me to get over an ex and I didn’t even know it but had a feeling. In the beginning of the relationship he used to call me so much even my family was telling me “he must really like you” even though I felt weird about it at first but my silly ass started to think maybe he do like me a lot and really want to speak to me. During the relationship he started to call less but because I’m so used to talking to him a lot, I didn’t know what was going on. Almost a year and a half later I guess he was healed and started telling me he need some space and was calling me codependent mind you, he was the one who set up the tempo for the relationship. I was barely calling him in the beginning I remember he used to say “I see you like to text” I only started talking more because of him! Anyway, he started to fall back a lot and something told me he met someone new. He started speaking different and acting different till he finally discarded me. I guess I wasn’t shiny anymore. And he kept lying to me about when him and his ex broke up coming to find out they was a month out of the relationship before he got into a relationship with me. I remember when we first started to talk he was drinking a lot especially at night which showed me he was grieving but he kept fronting like it wasn’t about his ex. Some nights with him I felt alone because he would drink himself to sleep. He even said he needed closure one time then told me that’s not what he said🤨 he was a hard core liar!!!!!!!!! He had me lined up already before his ex discarded him then had someone new lined up before he discarded me😮‍💨

[@airenmoonwolf2520]

That has to be a horrible feeling to know you were targeted by someone who's sole purpose was to use you. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[@reginabernard7590]

Same!!!! Mine kept me around and when the girls he wanted didn’t want him back, he’d use me. I also thought “wow he does like” and I started to like him back and then got my heart broken multiple times. All good, we’re healing. Extremely slowly… but we’re healing 😂

[@danielbotello4753]

theres a special place in hell for these type of people

[@emmajackson5139]

The more I think about me and my ex the more I know he got with me to make his ex supply jealous and to look good to his family. Funny thing is tho when him and me ended and her and her new supply ended they still ain't even together now she's off with her new supply. Seriously it's so childish. But it's OK they can keep playing games and waste each others time. I'm in my 30s I ain't dealing with this childish stuff

[@theosaka69]

@@emmajackson5139 Try dealing with it in your 40’s and 50’s? Looking back on our 18-month relationship with my ex-narc fiancé, he was definitely using me to emotionally torture and further wound his “ex-wife” of 25 years. Not only did he cheat on me with her, but I found out that he was still married to her the whole time we were together. He lied to me telling me that they were divorced for 3 years before we met (they were supposedly living separate lives, separate homes, finances, etc), but they were legally separated. He knew that was a deal breaker for me, but didn’t give a damn. Meanwhile, he was going back and forth between us both and triangulated us. What a fckd up person he is.

[@ShaisTime]

Applaud to you Lee for breaking the patterns ! 👏🏽👏🏽🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 If only more narcissists wanted to be honest & self aware that it will always end the same. ‼️💯

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@nicholecornes1915]

​@@MentalHealnesshey lee it's been a year since the discard do you think I'm OK dating because I met a really kind man... I'm going VERY slowly

[@erismana2105]

Got Lee cussing and burping again..( 🙃) Lee you say what you want, the info you give us is priceless. I share your information often knowing it will help someone.

[@MentalHealness]

I appreciate that

[@ladyvirgo013]

Yup,my husband of 12 years devalued me, went completely quiet with me,then left me for the secretary at his work. I'm 2 weeks into this journey and very devastated. Such a mind fuck. Thanks for your videos

[@kiremithanemblog]

You can make it! Nothing wrong with you girl I hope you heal and shine brighter ❤

[@mistyblue2917]

Yup.. had a narc say immediately that he wants to marry me/have kids immediately, n kept saying "i love you" over n over n over again, yet could not explain why except "your face" (ofc he could not explain why, he didnt know me/that's not "love").. Didnt fall for the lovebombing n tried to slow things down. When i reasonably explained gently that i dont want things to crash n burn, n want to talk n get to know each other first, he got irrationally incensed, imformed me that i just lost the "best" possible person i could ever get (lol.. sure Jan), n felt justified to punish me relentlessly since, including finding some random stranger to date immediately after we talked. The whole time, i had this distinct feeling that all of his "passion" n impatience to get married/w kids wasnt even abt me.. even tho oddly, he seemed to believe that he was wildly in love w me. I had the empathic feeling as if his entire being was a gaping raw wound, and the distinct feeling the entire thing was actually abt him being in urgent competition w an ex or exes, who had severely hurt and/or rejected him, to be married/have kids/"happier", just to spite some unknown ghosts of his past. Maybe right b4 he met me, he had found out his ex was getting married/having a baby, etc. I felt so sure of this vibe i was getting off him n always wanted to compassionately ask him abt it n help him sort out his pain (before i realized the extent of his disorder), and kept encouraging him to take time alone to deal w his emotions n heal, which i thought was a normal/commonly-known advice nowadays, but to my surprise, he reacted like he had never heard of something so strange b4, n like i was weird to tell him that once u learn to tolerate spending time alone, you'll even come to enjoy it. He tried 1 day of staying home after work (instead of always needing the constant social distractions he relied on, per his usual MO), n told me abt that, bc i think that time he was still trying to impress me or get recognition from me, but ultimately i think he just decided, "stay home by myself like a loser?? This is boring/lame." He literally could not tolerate having the time alone to think abt his feelings, esp negative ones. I felt like he was just a robot or a creature, or like a SIMS character, going thru the 3D motions of "living in life" n "being in relationships" n "hitting milestones"/keeping up w other ppl, but none of it was real or substantial. I used to assume he had been treated really badly by past gfs to become the human embodiment of a raw wound, but now i realize how irrationally sensitive he can be n that they might have not even done anything wrong, (like when i simply told him i'd prefer to get to know each other first n he flipped out as if i were a horrible person, (i.e., i wasnt fulfilling what he was trying to use me for)), and i realized that those other girls might have well been blindsided at being suddenly angrily discarded.. and he literally immediately goes into his multiple dating apps n finds a new person to "be in love with", within a couple hours, then dates them for a few weeks-months. Lather, rinse, n repeat, ad nauseam. He has literally never been single for even a day in his entire adult life.. i also can hardly wrap my mind around how narcissists can immediately lovebomb new supply while they are hurting like a raw oozing wound.. like doesnt it take a LOT more effort n self-control to put on a fake happy face n act all lovey-dovey, than to just surrender to the pain n stay home for a few days n heal?? But i guess it's easier for them to fake things, since they dont truly actually love, neither the old supply or the new one.

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

This was amazingly written. Your speculations are accurate and very emotionally intelligent.

[@sheneerussell2418]

Becareful.. he will try to impregnate you for a lifetime place holder..😢

[@iofb.hulder]

Simplest answer: because they're weak and need a crutch at every difficult juncture of life

[@MentalHealness]

😯

[@airenmoonwolf2520]

The shame that other narcissists try to drop onto your head should fall away like rain off a duck's ass...after all, Lee, narcissists gonna project, right? They are just showing you who they are not who you are. :) Those of us actually learning and growing with you know the truth but you gotta not internalize the poison people who are running from their own issues are gonna throw. You got this!

[@jenniferyates8100]

Well done Lee. You are a 🌟⭐. Thank you for this video.😊

[@nicholecornes1915]

Omg i want them to leave me alone forever and ever

[@Jessica-eq4fm]

These people are so hurtful...so not fair that they blame the non-narcissist for giving their life to them for nothing but pain

[@unapologeticallyme8941]

Lee don’t worry about the minions the “real” ones understand you ❤️

[@nicholecornes1915]

My husband was the WORST thing that has EVER happened to me! That ended so dam demonic

[@maryamshaaban74]

But God forbid we move on or even not keep the same "rules" they had for us after they throw is aside. The amount of manipulative shaming and how you're the one who clearly never loved them and they meant nothing to you, etc.

[@KimberlyMeade-hm7yd]

I have learned so much from you…I just ended a 5 year relationship and within 2 weeks I was replaced..it’s sad bc your right about bringing the baggage to the relationship…taking time to myself to heal is the best for me it’s not easy bc I do miss our relationship but I can’t have him to drain my energy…I’m in therapy and I’m an empath so my energy gets drained very quickly from ppls emotions and was in fight or flight all the time…we also did couple’s therapy and that didn’t go well ..but I’m glad to hear your POV it’s very helpful

[@Edward_Strong1982]

I’m an empath also and was with a narc for almost 4 years. Drained everything out of me. I was literally empty. I ended the relationship and took disability at work for anxiety and depression for almost two months . I was spiritually and emotionally drained and broken. Marc’s love empaths! A constant source of validation

[@nibulle5757]

Same here. 5 years together, moving in and getting engaged. Thrown away without any explanation and seeing it coming, replaced in 3 weeks. He tried to come back and when i rejected him the things he said to me sent me to therapy and i did not get a relationship for years.

[@Susie428]

My narcissistic abuser has been hurting me for 22 years. I fell out of love with him, and it’s taking me a long time to get the courage to leave him then he sends me not one by two nasty emails saying how I could leave what we had saying I was a liar that I would never leave him, but all he did was make broken promises. He had been with multiple women break me down for years. I couldn’t take it anymore if I stayed any longer, I don’t think there would be anything left. There were times I question if my life was worth living, it even hard to this day and it’s only been a couple months he will never change because all he does is go from women to women he can’t just be with one woman 🥺

[@emmajackson5139]

Maybe see it as one women won't be enough for him but one person will be enough for you. To me that's their karma they will never be satisfied. We will find our happiness with one person one day. Keep your chin up and I wish you luck on your healing journey. You got this ❤

[@NunYa-db7jy]

Your gone, and he calls you a liar and says that you could never leave him. That boy is a charmer. How could you possibly not go running back with those words of love and respect?

[@Susie428]

@@NunYa-db7jy after years of abuse I was scared to death to leave after him putting me in the hospital I thought the next time what if I ended up dead but then I thought maybe I would end up dead if I didn’t leave for all those women or men that are in that same situation I pray that you have the strength to get out because you’re better than this no person deserves to be abused, no matter if that’s mentally or physically you deserve to find your happiness, and I refuse to spend the rest of my years being abused, and one thing I can say he used my mental disability against me, and that’s one thing that has held me back all these years whatever it is I hope it doesn’t hold anyone else back no matter how hard it is we are fighters and someone else will love you like you deserve

[@NunYa-db7jy]

@@Susie428 Yep, I did over 20 also. The dichotomy and not knowing about narcissism and it's abuse... I only knew of the cultural narcissist, not the the one of psychology. Being full on hated for 10 of those years had me googling "husband hates me", because he really wasn't reacting to me. I now know about bad object, object constancy and whole object relation and transference which were the reasons why he was competing and hating on me, just because I was his wife, scapegoat and target ..and not because of of my behavior. So google took me to BPD and N. To make it even harder to find truth, mine was Covert Vulnerable type which doesn't tick the DSM boxes. Mine started physical as I found out about the C/V N, which set off my oh hell no response to make him leave. Ridiculous waste of love and life for everyone involved. I respond here with smart arse responses to remind us all of our ridiculous responses to their ridiculous behavior. And, I by nature am a smart arse. Continue to Glow up Susie❤️

[@Z-gg3fc]

So true after a break up I was thinking about what I can do differently so this doesn’t happen again. Control my emotions better. Self development. Self love. Taking time to heal. My ex right away was on the dating app. Not the first time he did this, every time we had an issue. He had horrible communication and expressing how he feels. He would go silent for bs. I couldn’t understand why he constantly needed to be searching for a woman. First time we broke up did this: he would say we broke up so he went on the app.. umm we just broke up like 30 min ago. He was on there the whole time we were together. Same time he was txting me asking why I don’t give a f we broke up, all he wants is to spend time with me. SMH.

[@margov5916]

When I did not want to go on vacation with my narcissistic mother and went to my grandmother instead, as usual, my mother threw away my bed from the bedroom, rearranged it to fit my sister and told me not to come back home again. I just turned 16. Never saw her again until many years later. So was she a narcissist? I think she was. Not just because of that.

[@charlotteclark6061]

.. Sounds like it, because they can discard you very easily and quickly. So sorry you had that pain,I wish that people didn't exist, it's craziness!

[@kellithomas9080]

Lee, I swear I love you and your family!!! You helped me understand the dysfunction I dealt with for 12 years off and on. I’m so glad I am on my healing journey! I was able to reject a Hoover for the first time ever! I would always go back, but no more!! The desire to better myself and heal means more than going back to what’s been familiar. I feel so free!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

[@toshiekatucker4770]

You definitely spoke for the narcissist that I use to deal with.

[@SisterInChrist-Chrissy]

Leeeeee.. OMG this was so SPOT ON!!! Thank you so much for this! It really helps the non-narc keep our sanity hearing the truth said out loud! And with that said, the amount of self awareness, growth and healing you've done to get to where you are is Amazing! God Bless you Brother ❣️

[@yathome5596]

Yes he’s self aware but is still a Narc.

[@yathome5596]

My ex Narc met someone right before I dumped him because he could feel my detaching from him. He was prepared, even though we wouldn’t stop calling. I went no contact and 14 years later he calls again. I feel sorry for him knowing now what he is.

[@priscillaowens1497]

I love you, I'm a 60y old lady, and just wanted to say, Don't worry about what people say about I love this new to you. I love you honestly don't change.

[@katiecat5500]

There is nothing personal about what a narc does and says. I have learned to not take it that way. It’s a blessing to get to that place.

[@Mllascelles1]

I don’t want to offend anyone but it’s a good chuckle when a self aware narc vents about hurting the feelings of the narc collective. I guess they feel the same when survivors jump in comment section and see everyone sharing experiences. Not funny but I did chuckle a little bit when Lee gave the caveat.

[@MentalHealness]

it can be funny sometimes

[@stormi9951]

The Lee formally known as the Narcissist 😂😂😂. Lee you the dopest self aware Narcissist I know. Thank you for trying to help us. You are a true God send. Keep up the good work on you!! We need you dawg!💪🏾💪🏾❤️

[@MentalHealness]

I appreciate it 💪

[@caramelized23]

I was with a Narcissist for 13yrs. Had 1 child. I left him when my child was 8. He was cheating on me with a young lady that he is currently married to.. He would come to my house with her in the car and verbally and physically assault me.. We hadn't been together for 10yrs at this point.. Mind you he never helped provide nor see his child.. He even went so far as to have his soon to be wife come to my job and ask me to drop child support.. He's body slammed me on my daughter's job.. It took me leaving the state to get away from him.. The first time I saw him again after 4yrs was my daughter's college graduation and he tried to attack me there and my future husband intervened... Moral of story is I am a happily married content peaceful woman... Being with him taught me what I didn't want and I dodged a serious bullet...

[@Haitian-Vodou]

Quicky as *ell! You said it right. Quicky Quicky

[@anitaj1512]

Boy...I'm proud of you! you're amazing, as not many people can face their own issues, same as us, whose facing the abuse of narc. I can't say for everyone, I ran and lied to myself to avoid the reality. Finally, I decided to face the fact, it's hurtful, but....worth!

[@emanuelarangos4247]

My narc had 2 extra backup suply for safety when I didn't want to deal with him.

[@ainahaga]

Yeah I also feel mine has! I dont want him anymore. Ive blocked him again now. Not chasing anyone anymore!

[@donaramis]

Firstly, there’s always someone else who has beeeen on deck being groomed. Believe that.

[@alexawilsonartvideos]

For a self-confessed narcissistic psychopath you are doing God's work, thank you for your awesome work having evolved so much. It educates both narcs and empaths :)❤

[@RachelStark-vs3dp]

I’m PROUD OF YOU FOR getting help and still getting help. Some don’t know how to even think bout getting help. So A BIG WAY TO GO 🎉🎉🎉🎉They say that’s how you know your doing something right.

[@asmyworlddivides581]

Lee, I don't know if this'll mean anything to you, but I'm proud of you. I was raised by two narcassistic parents (I am the scapegoat child) , and almost all the men I dated were also narcassistic. My reputation is destroyed, I have one person I trust, and I'm trying to heal from the abuse, but am not making very much progress. I'm proud of you for putting your truth, story, shames, and fears out there and telling it real. It's helping me so again, I'm proud of you and what you're doing.

[@charlotteclark6061]

... I'm proud of you! You're going to be great! Do well on your own time!

[@asmyworlddivides581]

@@charlotteclark6061 wow, thank you from my whole heart!

[@KATKattalestv]

LOL You got some Toxic People Following You. Welcome to Social Media. Seriously I learned so much from your testimony. Thank You😻

[@reneealex4146]

You are telling the truth my ex did this to me we were married for 41 years and I’m now 5 years away from this illness !!!!!!!! Thank you FATHER GOD THE MOST HIGH ❤

[@charlotteclark6061]

Why did you stay for so long? That's way too long to get abused! I'm glad you left!

[@never4saken165]

I wasted 32 yrs and feel crushed to have wasted so many years of my life, 41 yrs, I can only imagine how you feel. To God be the glory, glad you got out and now in peace

[@reneealex4146]

@@charlotteclark6061 i had loved him more than i had love for myself ♥️

[@reneealex4146]

@@never4saken165 never look at it as waste , you're latter days will be greater than your 31years trust FATHER GOD you will see 🙏♥️

[@fantashiasimmons1733]

My child’s fathers mask fell off and has done the exact same thing to me when I got pregnant leaving me to step up and take responsibility for everything even legal matters. On the positive side, I joined the army, my divorce is in process, I’m no longer homeless, I have a car and the necessities that we needed for the baby when he wouldnt step up and do it. All he ever does is put a piece of ass before his family. That man did me grimey as hell and it took me to go on this deployment to realize he was a blessing in disguise. I’m still a little angry with him but eventually I’ll let go of these harbored feelings

[@LetsTalkAboutIt23]

Yup! All the narcissist in my family, parents, sibling, husband. I’m well aware and fully equipped to understand the behavior now. No contact saved my life.

[@daniellemorse6929]

Thank you for keeping it real, Lee. Exnarc moved on really fast. I don't feel like there's any more hoovering in the future. I think they get to a point when they are actually done with some past supplies. Trying to pick up the pieces. 💔

[@kellithomas4737]

Especially when you find out who they really are! They will only come back if they think they will have a chance again. Mine did that to me. Once I started calling him out and seeing the behaviors and patterns, he didn't come back at all. The first 5 years he came back all the time, once he got me pregnant and I called him out on his bs, he broke up with me and blamed all our back and forth over the years and said he is just exhausted...but yet he's the one who caused all the drama and I just reacted to his lies and it really made me crazy!! But then I didn't know what a Narc was and he appeared to level up over the years and I thought he really changed and thought maybe it was me...we got back together, and it was the same issues for 2 years until the last discard in Dec 2022. IDC if he's done or not, I AM!!!

[@Pumpkinseeds1753]

People are always going to find something wrong when you’re trying to do right! Keep working on you and spreading awareness! Love your insight.. You definitely hit the target 🎯!!! My ex is a Narc and did just that! I realize he was sick mentally and isn’t truly capable of loving anyone in a healthy manner! Seek help ladies and gentlemen for your healing from the Narc because they do damage! 💪🏽🙏🏽

[@bombinspawn]

I'm glad you realized how unproductive and downright lame the behavior of an untreated narcissist is and got help with it. I've always struggled with the sustainability of it over the long term.

[@sarafriede7484]

I LAUGHED out loud to myself in my house when Lee said "I'm not moving on to another podcast" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Lee can be funny. But sometimes he really funny.

[@dawnshell4605]

I love your analogies….They help explain things so clearly…..Thanks Lee for everything you do to spread awareness of NPD….You are changing lives and probably saving many ❤

[@MentalHealness]

i really appreciate it

[@rockdown3602]

Have to go NC with both parents. Dad narcissist, mom enabler, both elderly. He would use guilt to say I need to visit my mom for decades. Then use the opportunity when I would visit my mom to tear me down. Was away for last year. He called when she fell and was in hospital. Took two weeks of me wanting to help my mom get into assisted living. He derailed any effort and does not want her to have any input in her own health decisions. As their child, I just can’t witness this and be a part of it any longer. The guilt is real but I have to save my own mental health.

[@lisadgraf]

Thank you for mentioning CPTSD. I’m in a workshop now and it is shocking that more attention hasn’t been brought to this diagnosis.

[@gregmanvel]

Regular good people think they could be narcissists, Lee. Narcissists do not have the self-awareness you do. In fact, they would even deny that they were.

[@ddajani45]

Eventually it's gonna get unpacked whether they like it or not

[@rosalindclemons4529]

There will always be one person who critiques everything toy day. I appreciate the information you give to your readers. It makes it a lot easier to understand the mind of a narcissistic person. Thank you

[@nicholecornes1915]

Let them cry lee they are sensitive as hell

[@theneatlist407]

Circle back, better keep circling around something, but not me. And you’re right, they don’t want to sit in the shame. They reject it at all costs

[@lorraineolivera24]

Lee forget about those negative sensitive people they tripping lol! Stay positive your doing great! 👏👌

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@Reaper_thecreaper]

I'm a survivor. I thank you so much. For these videos god bless you.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@Reaper_thecreaper]

@@MentalHealness ♥️

[@Savagittarius]

I'm down to be interviewed. I have a unique but textbook narcissist survivor situation. Thank you for taking accountability and enlightening others.

[@rhondamathis1323]

Healed ones...

[@majorsolutionsllc]

"I ain't unpacking nothing."😆😅🤣🤣

[@MentalHealness]

😂

[@lydiawilliams2167]

I don't know what to say, now I know his diagnosis,... You are so on point with everything I have been going through... People have been down his throat for how he has been acting... I'm just glad that if I decide to move on I will feel good about the Good karma I have coming my way... When you are self-aware I'm sure there's accountability that one must face... I remember he told me he knew what he was doing so he's definitely getting karma I don't want to be around when he gets it. All of these symptoms are stemming from pride... It seems like pride is the root to everything you are explaining... You have no idea the level of narcissism I had to face...I'm shocked

[@theimagedesign]

Awesome insight and accountability. This one had connection with transparency. I was emotionally infused, touche.

[@MentalHealness]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@SteelLok]

I respect you so much for striving to become a better man. You are one of the lights in this world brother. I broke up with a narcissistic girlfriend and she went back to an ex didn't workout and then a new guy 😂

[@MentalHealness]

appreciate it and stay strong

[@ainahaga]

He mirrored me ALOT! It was insane and the chemistry… out of the world….. I feel also I became stronger beeing in this insane relationship. Ive gone back to him several times always beeing treated badly. He never made me feel like he wanted to be with me in the end of the relationship so I guess it was getting to the end of the relationship. Like he did not show that much love anymore, and I need love in a relationship or else I dont need the relationship!

[@lynettedillard8663]

Thank you for sharing this, because people try to say narcissist don't feel, and they do. I'm not a narcissist yet I know someone would have to be some super human not to have any feelings at all.

[@heidicyr8676]

You're not kidding... he left and by that afternoon he was back with his ex

[@MentalHealness]

oh wow

[@theresaarriaga1353]

My ex narc just got married to the new supply. 9 months after our break up. He Told me he would never marry. We were together 2 yrs. It was a shock but she is in for a rude awakening.

[@rhondamathis1323]

You have a good presence

[@calvarado1520]

Thank you so much Lee….your story and your content does help many of us out here…..👍👏🙏✊

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@maryam5032]

Spot on! He had already his supply ready before I left.. which I didn’t know. My ex is posting pictures of him and his new supply and commenting on how happy he is now etc. but never posted us on social media he always had an excuse 😂

[@risiosanusio9650]

You're a real man. Everyone needs to sit in the shame and deal with it. Listening to you explain it all. Bless you. I love me l💖M

[@angelahart1479]

Thanks Lee. Explains alot. Mind you I'm still sad after my ex narc left. She actually blamed herself never me so that's OK too.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@Proposal12]

Damn good clarification to know why they move on faster and seem happier, knowing how you explained it brings some relief....Typical "im not good enough for you" is contradiction in itself, making you at first think you are "better"...bs excuse Can you also move on fast without being a narc?! How do you chose a target on fb?!

[@AnyahEMB]

Sounds like my ex-husband- on his 3rd marriage. Married and had a child with #2 before we were legally divorced.

[@ulovemex33]

Wow. This entire video is on point

[@rebeccaalen79]

Thank you Lee you're doing amazing healing and helping others heal❤

[@MrsLisa-os5em]

I appreciate your honesty ❤

[@luckytango3023]

You are learning and growing in your personal truth. Facing your truth is a courageous journey. Responsibility and accountability is a discipline and requires self awareness. Thank you for choosing to be transparent. The truth will set you free and keep you free when you stay in it.

[@kimberlyharris9712]

I love the backpack 🎒 analogy Lee. I pray 🙏🏿 several blessings to you and your lovely family ❤️. Thanks to God and you, I'm healing from unhealthy relationships. I acknowledge my role in past toxicity. I pay attention to red flags, and avoid second-guessing. I now trust and act upon my instincts, which has saved me a lot of grief. I'm very proud of the work you do. You are courageous for sharing your story and helping others ☺️.

[@Dayandthelifeofjohaunnaalize]

🎉 hi mr Hammock Its Ebony happy 2024 to u and urs ty for admitting ur faults a s a self aware narcissist a lot of them wont do that. I give u and ur wife sooo much respect Even though now my ex narcissist died in September of this year I still find myself watching your shows so that I can stay educated about narcissistic abuse so ty for all u do❤

[@MentalHealness]

💯♥️

[@stacyinvidi113]

I love your videos! 😂you always let us know your a narcissist in therapy. I’m proud of how you thought about getting healed for yourself and wife and kids! You own your behavior and that’s amazing !

[@TigerOnVaseline]

I REALLY could listen to you all day long Lee 👍 I'm intrigued by this subject and amazed that you have cleared up so many misconceptions in such a short time. I've only recently found you on KZbin and I'm hooked😊 You're doing sterling work 👌 You are also rather cute 😉 PS I'm an old lady residing in the UK so you're safe 😘

[@RC23RC21]

Lee, I have a question.. even though they are moving on fast trying to avoid all those emotions.. doesn’t that mean eventually that ghost of them trying to avoid just keep coming back and they have to run all over again? Like I would think you can’t outrun these emotions. The ghosts just keep following you?

[@Proposal12]

I was going to write something similiar. They move on fast to suppress it, they heal through people (supply) as opposed to going through emotions that come with it..."it´s in the moment"

[@RC23RC21]

@@Proposal12 I might be wrong, but can they really “heal” without ever facing the real issues at hand? Like an addict continually drinking it getting high to avoid, or a someone using sex to keep avoiding and not feeling.. each time it breaks them down even more…eventually it only leads to a full spiral, or an awakening where they want change and have to face it all. I might be wrong though with NPD?

[@LG-ly7pw]

But emotions will always come out sooner or later, in weird ways. That’s just how the human brain and emotions are- narcissist or not. So that book bag is gonna split open in the form of some big depression or rage.. so every relationship with a narc will get worse coz they’re not dealing with anything. Believe it, every narc relationship is dysfunctional and in many cases, end

[@RC23RC21]

@@LG-ly7pw very interesting…. So it’s like they keep digging their own grave over and over to avoid facing the issues that could then allow them to have real happiness & peace.

[@Predictable1]

Well idk for sure but I've learnt, specially through talking with my dad who is a self aware npd in his 50's is that no, they really never "heal" as such. They can have moments of shame and guilt even many years after their relationships ended, specially when they know that the people they hurt was good to them, but these are temporary feelings, they live in avoidance mode, so they will always try to find ways to escape them and even justify themselves as why they ended up hurting that person... until then again the shame and guilt comes back months later. It is a never ending cycle, and even when I say my dad is self-aware it means nothing in terms of what his behaviors are. There is no real change nor improvement, even though there are periods where he sounds convinced that he can and will change, this is all temporary, so be aware. If yoh ever encounter a NPD who shows self-awareness, do not expect them to be like Lee in these videos haha, they will drop therapy and will stop doing the work once their feelings of guilt are no longer present.

[@JB-cw7oo]

Lee I appreciate your view...Thank you a thousand times over, you give me an in mind view not a view from a person that studies the disorder but doesn't live it...ignore the haters

[@gennacalvaresi422]

I love your t-shirt I got your back with the skeletons 👍 They move on fast just like they moved fast with you. Over and over and over, it never ends.

[@MentalHealness]

the speed is crazy some times

[@Ms5Starr]

I just luv that tshirt

[@stefblanco3887]

I love when you say narcissistic robot rebooting 🤖 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂

[@MentalHealness]

😅😂😂😂

[@majorsolutionsllc]

Lee, we have to have a virtual party when you get to episode 1000! Getting there.😄

[@MentalHealness]

So close!

[@ADebsLife]

This is perhaps my favorite of your videos I've seen so far. Thank you for all the disambiguation!

[@Silverqueen68]

I’m proud of you to be a best version of yourself n work on yourself much respect for that

[@KKP20111]

Wooow, that's so honest and make a lot of sense! Thank you, Lee!

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

I like the backpack analogy. I would assume that backpack will eventually get too heavy for them to carry to the next relationship. I also assume that there has to be a breaking point eventually. It kind of reminds me of a drug addict. He or she may take drugs to block out the pain. Eventually, What they are doing is not going to work as great as they did before. I would assume.

[@MentalHealness]

💯🙏🏽

[@alisaortiz6196]

Lee I'm grateful for your honesty

[@anastasiachronopoulou7042]

I am not jealous of the new supply I am devastated to realise it was all fake

[@jl6086]

Speak that truth brother

[@rosequeen27.777cardoza]

Discarded in the worst way 3 days ago 💔