Why Does He Do That? - A 30-Minute Summary

[@janm9610]

Manipulated, insulted, controlled , verbally abused, intimidated, disrespected....now DIVORCED

[@olganova3058]

blessed to be DIVORCED

[@oofyboi5357]

unfortunate my mother is too dumb to realize that every single thing applies to her and that my father is a disgusting husband

[@ChanalSalazar-yc6wu]

😢 crazy for someone's child to say that about there mom . Hits home 😢😢

[@ChanalSalazar-yc6wu]

Definitely needed to be reminded of all this ...

[@nikicarrie4071]

​@oofyboi5357 she's not dumb. Your father is evil .

[@reyfairburn5023]

This book helped break me out of the "I can fix him, he's a good guy deep down I swear" spell that my abusive ex-husband had me under. I wish I had read it sooner, but I'm glad I have the knowledge now.

[@hfjjor3681]

This is THE book that helped me escape

[@kaystephens2672]

Me too. 22 years ago .

[@hfjjor3681]

@@kaystephens2672 Me in 2015.

[@kalui96]

24:30 "You can't change an abusive man. He has to change himself".

[@Coach-Daisy]

and most don't want to. Have him arrested and keep on doing it, and escape but don't tell the abuser anything about it and never speak to them ever again.

[@betsysimpson318]

And that won’t ever happen

[@Coach-Daisy]

@@betsysimpson318 more reasons to escape and never look back

[@hfjjor3681]

@@betsysimpson318 What won’t ever happen? 🤔

[@veritaslux644]

Learn the KJV scriptures and find some real Christlike bible believing loving people (the hardest part) and follow Mathew 18:15-17! God is the only one that can soften hardened hearts, and God works through His disciples! When Gods people follow His word, Gods love works through them and leads abusers to Christ! Like Lundy Bankroft teaches, you need the help of family and friends in your lives, to hold the abuser accountable (Mathew 28:15-17 KJV), and this godly love causes the abuser to see the truth and repent, or causes the wicked person to flee when no one is chasing him! Either way, you are free from bondage of abuse and this is only way to help the abuser to change into a person who can treat others humanly, now or in the future!

[@lucillabertani8502]

It helped in the past and it helps me now. All other approaches are useless.

[@juvetafrolovaite]

I hate the most the mood swings they have.

[@Holly-d1n]

That's why they do it. If they don't get a response from you they'll try something else. Their mission in life is to do everything you hate and make you think you're everything you aren't.

[@rantsbybobthesnail7496]

I agree. It’s like walking on eggshells around my wife. Like …. Damn can you say hi babe . Or I love you for once instead of always finding something to point out I forgot to do. Communication is key.

[@jennym007]

​@@rantsbybobthesnail7496 This book and subsequent comments are about MALE abuse. The author apparently has information about female abuse, which he says is different and more complex than male abuse, but it's not in this thread of comments or video.

[@Chill-mm4pn]

I've seen my mother date this type of man when i was a young boy. It was mostly emotional abuse but no abuse should be tolerated. Please find a way to leave if you can.

[@AG-iu9lv]

"No abuse should be tolerated" ❤ thank you for your kindness, you clearly have a big heart & I'm so sorry you had to witness the abuse of your mom.

[@patwojcik1203]

I wish I would have read this book 45 years ago.

[@Yabishjess]

Wish I would’ve heard or read about this book before my abuser destroyed my life. He plotted everything and I have to stray from scratch. No job no kids no house no nothing. If it wasn’t for my friend I’d be homeless.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I’m glad you had your friend. I hope you are free now.

[@nikicarrie4071]

That's what they want. You to have nothing

[@maritaberndt6200]

🥰 I feel for you, my friend.

[@robinchilds7492]

My ex got jealous when he saw me talking to my cousin.

[@Chill-mm4pn]

Good thing he's an ex! That's crazy.

[@EmpressMermaid]

Mine once got that way because I chose a check-out line with a male cashier.

[@christinejones4785]

I had that from a Narcissistic controlling ex what a freak

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

OMG. Me too. I was talking to him at my father's funeral and he got jealous calling us "kissing cousins" (I hadn't seen him since I was 12 and we flew 3,000 to go to the funeral).

[@derrynkargiotou9864]

I find this to be an excellent bite-size resource for the traits and tactics of an abuser. Thank you.

[@miaaahhh9166]

This book was beautifully written I absolutely love it helped me escape from an abusive man I plan on buying the whole book.

[@MichNative01]

The book is really good, worth the money.

[@SKYCHICK__]

This book is trash. It doesn't help anyone. If you left someone who was hurting you, congratulations! I hope he got some mental health treatment for his emotional problems. And hopefully you found true compassion.

[@Holly-d1n]

This book helped me not feel guilty for staying so long, then getting out. It is beautifully written, the conversation style Lundy used he said he learned how to help sooth womens' minds while he gave them little drops of wisdom on each page.

[@laurenmccabe1441]

@@SKYCHICK__ it helped them🤷🏻‍♀️

[@jessabad836]

How are you now? How did you escape?

[@onlymisslisa]

just grateful I was able to see the abuse clearly before I married him

[@Ira.1]

I'm happy for you

[@stardustsparkles22]

I'm so tired of being threatened ,stalked,spied on,slandered and terrorized. I try hard to be good to him. I'm definitely not perfect, but I do stand up for myself and then he plays victim. The thing is that he's really really controlling. It's so discouraged and down. He's been terrorizing me for awhile. Even drugged me against my will. Now I'm worried he will get angrier. He's saying I'm the abuser,but I am only standing up for myself. My other ex and he are working in tandem. Help

[@Ishtanara]

Help yourself. Get out and do it in secret never threaten an abuser with leaving. Don’t tell him just get out he could disfigure you for life. Or kill you.

[@aurora8749]

Stalking is so common. If you dont have kids in common gray rock him

[@stardustsparkles22]

@@aurora8749 yup,gray rocking now. I have accepted that this is going to happen for awhile. The key is to not care, and still be cautious.

[@stoft4590]

Please find a way to leave as soon as you can. Go no contact with both men. You deserve happiness. You deserve to feel safe. Even living at a shelter is better than staying. Their is hope. Every day away from him will make you strong to get your life started free from the abuse. Just leave today please!

[@sonotthatcool]

Are you safe now?

[@Sweetdreamz313]

I’m so sick of PEOPLE

[@CrazyBritTho]

I hope this will help me go. He’s in the other room after kicking me out my sanctuary ‘the bathroom’ as no lock after kicking it off. ‘The shower being switched on was your queue to get TF out’. Yeah, been tormenting me for 48 hours now after I paid £2400 for car repairs. ME. Like HE paid it! (He don’t work). Anyway, I’ll be buying this book now.

[@bondifiedshawty]

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you're good

[@CrazyBritTho]

@@bondifiedshawty I’m ok. Still here, still plotting my escape. Tysm for asking. X hope ur good

[@CatladyKiefFingers_deLarios]

You can do it! There are resources that can help you. Call up your local woman's shelter and ask them about it, even if you don't need the shelter, they have people on staff to help guide you ❤

[@michellehuggins3530]

Why Does he do That ??? Cause he is a Total waste of Space..!

[@Coach-Daisy]

pretty much. the world would be a much better place without abusive males in it.

[@gloriadonahue7241]

That just totally cracked me up.

[@hfjjor3681]

Also, BECAUSE HE *CAN* AND SECRETLY FEELS GOOD ABOUT THAT.

[@Ishtanara]

Because he’s basically a coward, so he bullies someone that he perceives to be weaker These are really the beta males not alpha Excuse for a man

[@happilydivorced3235]

😂😂😂😂

[@UCanHaveHim]

I don't care why. As soon as he makes me feel bad or try to make me question myself, I'm gone.

[@allieaudio9965]

Because they can and they don't see you as human, but as an object that serves its purpose until it's totally broken. Like a toaster,for example. Only they get sadder when a toaster breaks down because they paid for it and consider it more useful.

[@Holly-d1n]

Very easy to read any time of day you can pick it up and open to any page. Lundy has heard the same stories over and over from counseling abusive men each page tells a story similar to your circumstances. It's like a devotional.

[@jeanbeck3962]

What is you are elderly and can't leave? Emotional abuse is hard when you also have weeks of happiness , that don't last. Your family and children, grandchildren love him...

[@madeline982]

Maybe they don't know. If you tell them you need help and he's hurting you, your children could help you but only if they're aware. You deserve peace, please reach out for help

[@asthasaikia1101]

This made me realised how abusive he was,manipulative, liar,he even choked me once,always spoke I'll about my sister and friends,called me a puppet because I listen to my parents, always hated me for not showing interest on things because he never really made me feel comfortable, threatened me for sex ,always moody,called me sexually not pleasing, I don't think I ever deserved this even a bit.

[@asthasaikia1101]

Slut shamed me too

[@madeline982]

You didn't deserve it. I hope you're safe now ❤

[@pamelamccarthy1412]

It was validating to hear this from a male voice. So many just tell us we're garbage.

[@TJ-it1bm]

This is good, but I can't listen to it. It's too infuriating. I've lived it and been around others who were like that and I just can't

[@truthwins4358]

I am in such abusive relationship for years. Unable to get out because of my daughter.

[@madeline982]

There are resources. Please reach out and ask for counseling

[@madeline982]

@@lorrainesmith.4995 sorry but great men don't abuse. Abusers abuse. Great men are always kind, loving, understanding, slow to anger. Men who are abusive are a curse, and what if you're missing all the ways God's trying to save you and get you out of your situation?

[@madeline982]

@@truthwins4358 if you can, get your credit to a decent amount, get a loan. A personal loan or a business loan or an emergency loan - talk to your bank about your options. Use the money to leave.

[@madeline982]

@@lorrainesmith.4995 Ephesians 5:25-29

[@madeline982]

@@lorrainesmith.4995 Ephesians 5:25-29

[@jtblcksheep3376]

I’ve read this book along with Dragonslippers (Rosalind B. Penfold). Both are very compelling and informative.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Their narcissistic. This is a really good book I read it twice

[@Nothankyouhun]

I needed this 🙌 💛

[@jennygibbons1258]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@ShukriAbdulle-w6u]

😮safely exit ladies, atleast those of you who has options i dont yet anyway

[@kbeautician]

Are you in an abusive relationship? Early warning signs. If you’re an adult, then tolerating tiny abuses WILL damage your soul. BUYER BEWARE. Abuse at first sight…RUN.

[@CatherineBirch-m5r]

Some people are raised by abusive parents and think that it's normal.

[@bondifiedshawty]

Yesterday i was choked because i refused to do what he said....

[@joannehollenbeck-schenk2340]

So sorry That is dangerous

[@Sacha81]

He could kill you. He's dangerous.

[@madeline982]

Leave!!!

[@mana-uv7cz]

Right it’s not because you’re not the dream girl it’s because he is entitled me wants power over you.

[@raskolnikov1461]

Just ordered.

[@mrtinkish]

My abusive ex used this book to abuse me, took trained therapists to save me from it

[@juliannar9376]

Can you elaborate

[@laurelgardner]

The book details abuse tactics and what an abuser will GET from their victim as a result (eg. throwing a tantrum about "tone" or "disrespect" whenever you ask them to do the dishes = you stop asking). So it is possible to use it as a manual to abuse, I guess? But just as good a chance this guy got called on his abuse and is calling THAT abuse.

[@AG-iu9lv]

​@@laurelgardneragree about OP'S likely motivation.

[@JacquelinePletscher-x9w]

I had the opposite my Abuser studied Psychology and became a Therapist - he would pretend telling me about concepts like intermittent reinforcement was coursework and not bragging

[@nnglnd]

I would like there to be three books . Why does he do that ? Why does she do that? Why do they do that ? To get an all round perspective.

[@careottjuice]

Yall havent watched Enough with Jennifer Lopez ??

[@josephprovost5498]

Was recommended by a narcissist even though I'm a Straight guy apparently only real men are narcissists

[@nuggets0717]

The last bit is what I used to buy into … he won’t abuse me if I don’t do XYZ to provoke him….

[@rantsbybobthesnail7496]

This is what my wife says I am. She’s even listening to this audiobook. I wonder why though. I keep to myself. We barely talk. Or speak to each other. We’re like ghosts in a house. So I don’t know why she says I’m this. I’m not abusive at all. I’d love to love her but she keeps my at a distance. I feel some women who do something wrong in the relationship will tend to make the man out to be a narcissist to make the wrong doing justifiable. I think she’s actually the narcissist for acting like nothing happened. And continuing to throw shade at me. Crazy thing she’s listening to this! Most likely brainwashed by her other wrong doing wife friends.

[@ariadnecarvalho7016]

way to miss the point chief

[@KaylynWaycaster]

M. C dc. I- zas seui ooou

[@pippipster6767]

Why does SHE do that ?

[@nikicarrie4071]

Men are predators. Most women are not

[@nnglnd]

​@@nikicarrie4071men and women usually operate in different ways

[@ThePowerAndControlWheel]

Oh my goodness, this was my wife and my ex and my mum. Crikeys, I even recognize it in my sister. Thinking about it, it's no wonder so many more men are on the streets, failing school, losing their kids and committing suicide .. no support and being falsely accused as the abuser, which I reckon would make anyone look angry (men tend not to use the tears). It's a terrible thing to promote 'abuse' as a gender issue .. that is antiquated and damaging. Research shows, as men knew anyway, that women are more abusive and instigate physical abuse.

[@Uke2405]

Check the stat. Men are leading

[@Hansvhair]

Sounds like something hit a nerve. You must be abusive yourself lol

[@ffreshfields5211]

I am so sorry you went through this. I have also faced horrible abuse, from men and from women too. I do not think abuse is a gender issue. And I do not think this book labels abuse as a gender issue. The therapist so happens to specialise in helping men who are abusive to become better. The same way some people specialise in helping women who are abusive to become better. There indeed needs to be more support for male victims of abuse. However research does not show that women are more abusive. That is incorrect. Please do not aim to make abuse about gender, as you assumed this author of this book was doing as well.

[@Space_Cadet13]

​@@ffreshfields5211 don't pander to IT. If m3n need more support then other m3n can provide it. It is a patriarchy anyway. This is why wom3n support wom3n. M3n don't.

[@elenaf4368]

found one lol

[@simjam1980]

If a woman expects you to be sexually monogomous, then refuses sex, THAT is abusive

[@kimberlybrowndiaz9293]

Not!!. How about it's your body ...if she doesnt feel it then it's ok .no question needed ..periods. cramps..babies..etc

[@Sacha81]

You are not entitled to her body. Ever. Have you considered why she might not want sex? Your attitude perhaps

[@themuse11]

it's not abusive to refuse sex. if the relationship isn't what you want, leave. you're not entitled to sex.

[@kimberlybrowndiaz9293]

@@Sacha81 bingooo

[@kimberlybrowndiaz9293]

@@themuse11 bingoo

[@wayfaringstranger8430]

This book is half decent advice, and half nonsensical psychological contrivance. If you want to know about the mind of an abusive man, countless men who've abused people in the past have written books where they talk about why and how they did what they did.

[@kalui96]

I agree. This book was written (self proclaimed to be so) by a "good" person who had a decent childhood. Books written by quite evil people like Mavhiavelli and Hitler are useful in getting a better understanding of abusive people from the perspective of "bad" personalities.

[@Coach-Daisy]

@@kalui96 that's false and based solely on your opinions because you can't accept the material that exposes abusers . In fact the book is excellent and has helped many women escape.

[@Coach-Daisy]

Your opinion is your opinion and not the rules of basic human logic. You can clearly see that this book exposes the most common everyday abusive male very adequately and truthful as it gets.

[@TheMostBoringGuy]

@@kalui96 "bad" personalities??? 6,180,366 people would agree Hitler was a bad personality.

[@MCE851]

@@kalui96 Lol normie take. Austrian painter guy was actually cool

[@lmiller1413]

I'm sorry, but comparing emotional abuse with physical abuse really minimizes physical assault. It's insulting

[@yichispiritual]

Don’t minimize emotional abuse

[@kerrygilsenan6459]

I don’t think it implies that physical abuse as minimising..infact you have a lot of both in controlling abusive relationships..emotionally abuse is just as bad as physical abuse

[@NanaWilson-px9ij]

They are both abuse, just two different kinds. Its natural to compare different things in the same category. Emotional abuse can be followed by physical abuse.....

[@banksofchaos93]

Only speaking for myself, but I'll take the physical hit over the verbal assault any day of the week. Obviously I shouldn't have to take either but that's not the point. The point is that emotional abuse messed me up worse and took way longer to recover from than the physical abuse.

[@nikicarrie4071]

It doesn't. It's to show emotional abuse is a specific kind of evil that most people don't recognize as abuse

[@russellheyns1846]

This guy is a shill.

[@SKYCHICK__]

This book is 100% trash. Absolutely terrible. Do not recommend!

[@julia7200]

Why do you not recommend it?

[@julia7200]

Can you elaborate why exactly? Is there misinformation or are you just an abusive ex-husband who got left because his ex-wife read this book and now you are single and mad? 😂

[@ravenraven966]

🤔

[@wholefoodplantbasedmama5398]

This is a guy pretending to be a woman

[@milena11570]

@@julia7200That’s the reason lol

[@lirmchip]

Abuse is anything women don't like

[@alanamcintyre8150]

that sentence right there is abusive in nature.

[@theopulentone1650]

You are an abuser.

[@tinaferr]

😂 found the abuser (unless you've been abused by a woman...see: covert narcissist. In that case I'm sorry)

[@theloquaciouslady]

@@alanamcintyre8150 Your comment proves his point. You didn't like his comment so you labeled it abusive, thus validating his sexist opinion. Should have just left it alone. Don't feed the trolls.

[@pragmaticpoet]

About the same brilliant deduction that one sees from insecure men make of critical feedback being equated as 'hate speech'