Why Does My Feed Hate Women? (w/ Alanah Pearce) | Sad Boyz

[@Renfairelass]

I noticed this too! Recently my feed has been really misogynistic and alt-righty… even though I always click the not interested button. Recently, I’ve been getting a lot of videos of this judge who really likes to stick it to women and call them gold diggers and stuff in custody court. Weird.

[@teddykaz47]

all it takes is me liking one clip from a podcast and suddenly i’m getting clips from ab*s*rs

[@danijones8314]

this has been happening to me too!

[@maggotqu33n]

i swear i get more of something on tiktok when i say im not interested

[@berkeleyisonline160]

manosphere dudes are obsessed with custody hearings lmao

[@wayierotoro]

Omg I thought I was going crazy

[@rascal_rae]

The type of "rule following" Jarvis is talking about is a good example of having a strong sense of "horizontal morality". Horizontal morality is a logic/empathy approach to deciding what's "right" versus "vertical morality" which is more like, "this is right because it's the law"

[@eleniel917]

A.K.A. Chaotic good vs Lawful good.

[@demetriam2408]

​@@eleniel917no, both are lawful good. The whole point of lawful good is consistency, whether the law is internal or external is irrelevant.

[@b4stard_sweet]

@demetrian8448 or possibly Neutral Good and Lawful Good, but not Chaotic, because that’s more spite-based lmao

[@crimsonnin2]

@@demetriam2408 Chaotic literally means you follow your own internal ruleset rather than any external law. So yes, it's chaotic good vs lawful good

[@demetriam2408]

@@crimsonnin2 no, chaos means inconsistency, disorder, confusion. Lawful means consistent, a moral code would be an internal law that you follow. If you are chaotic good you are impulsive, but kind. You might be emotionally fragile or slightly aggressive. Think Unikitty from Lego, or Dog from The last wish. Chaos is not an internal code, it is havoc.

[@PeterAmbos]

I feel obligated to mention: Apple having to switch to USB-C and strong data protection laws punishing US corps are thanks to EU law, not UK law. The Brits left before all that happened.

[@rabbit6546]

Yeah the U.K. is basically trying to force companies to build backdoors to access data so we’re very much doing The Opposite now LMAO

[@antonypastrikos7036]

Thank you I had the exact same thought!

[@Calv_]

Right that it's EU, but definitely GDPR was agreed and published before the UK left the EU or even had the referendum, but technically I believe the UK was in the EU but had already triggered Article 50 when it was implemented/in force.

[@jon-cx7jq]

The EU's "data protection" laws have done literally nothing but add a few extra clicks when you go to a website, we shouldn't blindly glorify bad regulation. Apple chose data protection as part of its consumer brand

[@user-th1pv6ks5o]

I knew they had that in Canada, I didn't know that came over here too. Based ngl.

[@anonymixx8106]

What's wild is I've been wanting to talk about this but people cry "curating my algorithm" ASAP despite me REPORTING this content. No, it's digital force-feeding.

[@kabnoot]

Yeah, I constantly hit "do not recommend" on things and that type of content still shows up. Its actually frustrating.

[@dreamsalamander]

personally I found out the solution is to swing really far left, in terms of viewing habits. I'm talking zooming right past gender discourse and straight into socialist theory. I tried this purely as an experiment, and got what I wanted - no more vile manosphere filth. I'll confess, though, that I may have got a bit indoctrinated in the process.. because I feel like I'm starting to see a clear picture of who's really behind this mess. It's certainly not F,LGBT, or ppl of colour, but it's not the neckbeards either. Im starting to think it's the ones who want the two oppressed sides to be busy fighting each other whilst they enjoy the fruits of everyone's labour.

[@Extra.Medium]

I'm a truck driver and I feel something like that road rage constantly. I can look down from my seat into your car and clearly see you texting and driving with your knees with your kid in the back. I also almost daily get a moment of "you are alive right now because I was paying attention. You're fucking welcome Jersey plate".

[@AmyAberrant]

I was on a bus and I looked in front and saw a woman cycling with kids in the trailer while texting on her phone. I was so livid.

[@benmarkus3675]

Always the god damn Jersey plates....

[@SamuraiGuy]

People always talk about not using your blinkers at all, but I think it's just as bad when you don't use your blinker until you're already turning. The point of blinkers is to display your intentions. People act like the signal just alleviates them of any fault if they cause an accident.

[@LilyShimizu]

Very true, it’s about as useful as not using a blinker at all to use it as soon as you begin a movement in that direction. You have to give it at least a second for nearby people to notice.

[@brumhelldah917]

Yeah I’m learning to drive and I’ve been having that problem with using the blinker but I’m trying to be better about it

[@nikkob1252]

Yeah, although I don’t get as angry if I get cut off by someone using a blinker as soon as they merge, like at least an effort was made

[@sunnytheo]

I’m so glad Alanah brought up the comments cause it has been SO BAD. I ended up deactivating my tiktok about a year ago because I started getting slightly popular in the space I was in and it was terrifying when a video would go outside my bubble. That and I had a coworker find my tiktok and publicly shame me at work for talking in a video about taking a pole dancing class. And in that video I didn’t even show myself in the class it was just me in regular clothes at home being excited about trying something new. I want to be creative and talk about things I love but being afab on the internet is honestly so scary to me now and I can’t handle how mean people can be sometimes

[@AmyAberrant]

Coworkers can be so nasty

[@woody_you_want]

Tiktok is so toxic. People just being cringe get flooded with death threats. I genuinely think it's because covid caused a lot of young people to miss out on what should have been some of the most important times for socialization of their lives

[@christiantretter4605]

⁠@@woody_you_want i feel like you are overestimating the influence social distancing had. Most people didn’t really even adhere to guidelines for more than a year anyways. I think it’s more likely caused by more people online in general due to covid, and tiktok having very lax guidelines towards censorship or threats. You’re also assuming that toxicity on the internet has increased which i think is very speculative and difficult to prove. Personally that’s something that I don’t really believe has increased a ton since before covid in the first place. The internet has always been toxic and a safe haven for horrible people under anonymity

[@black-nails]

@@christiantretter4605 idk, but I feel like it's the same on Instagram. I actually felt safer on tiktok (had it last year) than I do on insta, where nearly all of the comments are full of n-word and people bringing up their transphobia and homophobia even under unrelated vids. Statistics about hate crimes have definitely risen in multiple countries during last few years (UK is a big example, especially because it had a big boom of transphobic articles), so I would say that internet aggression is a direct reflection of real life aggression that has been going on. Covid probably played a role, but didn't cause the issue

[@heatherheath3834]

That's so horrible, especially at work where its already brutal enough. Don’t let it stop you from enjoying things tho!! Fuck them xx

[@tabsterg]

Everyone always says _"I don't know how to solve the problem"_ almost as if it were a personal responsibility but I think a good start would be if social media companies stopped tossing vulnerable children into these rabbit holes the SECOND they detect any just because it creates more engagement. People gotta realize that these kind of cesspools don't just pop up naturally, they're forced into popularity by algorithms that prefer the worse kind of behaviour because it's also the most profitable.

[@beardedgeek973]

It must be very possible to have the algorithm to block instead of push it.

[@EDARDO112]

This is basicly how any social media works, if you do that the left and right wing as well as mainstream media would fall from popularity and people would become more resonable, but reasonable don't generate clicks.

[@alphaHero100]

BoTh SiDeS @@EDARDO112

[@sjue316]

@@EDARDO112 They're already falling from popularity. If you're paying attention it's fairly obvious.

[@AnAmelieAnomaly]

I think the backlash that a lot of feminists have to the idea that "we are failing young men" is not that we think it isn't true, but that women are disproportionately expected to cater to men's emotions without reciprocity, at home, at work, in relationships, etc., and it is just so exhausting. As an afab person who is already expected to do a disproportionate amount of emotional and care labor at work, I just don't have the energy to also do the emotional research for disenfranchised men and boys. One of the things that I very much appreciate about this podcast, and about Jarvis's other content especially, is that the guys are using their position of privilege but also understanding to reach out to people in this demographic and help bring them forward with sensitivity and care. It's the work we all need to be doing around our own intersections of privilege so that the burden doesn't always fall to the people under attack to fix the problem.

[@katc2040]

You put this so well ❤❤

[@Cnichal]

Right. We need more men uplifting men and it’s nice when they stop expecting us to do so. I watched other men call a man a bum, and was telling a woman she should “date down”. And then here comes these other guys, mad at the woman. All for saying she wouldn’t, because she’s been abused before by poor men. She doesn’t believe any men are worth it, but feels that at least a well off man could not leave her more broke. So they get mad at her, but not mad at the men calling them bums. They save all their anger, for those they feel they can take it out on.

[@lunaverse4977]

Yeah!!! The problem is that "the world is hard for men so women need to cater to their emotional needs" is literally already a big point of the patriarchy. It's how the classic capitalist model keeps men under their thumb, by promising that while their jobs may be soulless and exploitative they'll have a nice obdient wife at home to take care of their every need. All these systems are interlocked and work together. Just recognizing that men suffer under this system too isn't enough, we need a model to fix it better than "women just need to be nicer to men" we tried that already, didn't work.

[@midn8588]

We (men) are failing young men and non-men by setting that expectation.

[@jessearmstrong-kooy2930]

Absolutely. But it shouldn’t just be men who have to support other men, just like it shouldn’t just be women who support other women. We as a society need to support the struggling groups, which means collectively & individually. I understand that women are always expected to do emotional labour to support men & that it is just not ok. This doesn’t mean a woman should never do any emotional labour to help someone who’s struggling, rather that it’s done as a decision & not an expectation. If we get to a point where NO women do emotional labour to support young boys, that will make them hate women even more because it wasn’t women who came to their aid when they needed it. By helping boys when they are in need, we all set better examples of what women & men are genuinely like, and this effectively helps prevent the formation of negative gender stereotypes in their minds.

[@LleytonCorbett]

As a teenage guy myself, I think that this type of dialogue is super important. In my school and even with some of my friends I find that the idea that "nice guys finish last" is still being perpetuated. I think that young guys need to see people like you having smart and nice discussions about young men, it inspires me to constantly be a better version of myself.

[@lankenstein5884]

I think that can be a really easy hole to fall in- even for some women. It's important to note the semantic, colloquial and psychological differences between "good men" and "nice guys". "Nice guys" probably do, and should, finish last- because anyone who talks about how nice a guy they are is probably full of shit. There is definitely a "nice guy" trope; a guy who thinks being "nice" makes them instantly deserving of women's attention or that it's a type of sexual currency (open the door for her, tell her she's pretty and if she doesn't jump in bed with me it's because "women only like assholes"). It baffles me how they can convince themselves that it's "nice" to expect women to fawn over you because you *pretended* you practice basic human decency. A "good man" *is* a nice guy- genuinely. Actually kind and thoughtful. If a good man does something nice for a woman he does so because it's the right thing to do, he wants to make a good impression, he genuinely enjoys her company (regardless of sex). Being a good man doesn't guarantee that you get everything you want, but when you inevitably experience rejection you will be able to handle it gracefully. Not that you asked, but my advice would be to call your friends out on their BS. You can do it kindly, but maybe ask them why they think being nice entitles them to sex or having a girlfriend, or whatever, and whether or not they're really that nice if they're only doing things to try to "get ahead". I gotta say that I completely disagree with these guys on Jordan Peterson though. I think he's an excellent role model for young men who talks about a lot of the same things they do. I really don't get the disconnect.

[@user-th1pv6ks5o]

Just show them videos of Dr. K. He makes a very good case against, (and even for) redpill types. He was a monk for 7 years, then went to Harvard.

[@banquetoftheleviathan1404]

I honestly thought finishing last was a sex joke for a while tbh only way it made sense to me Like he takes care of her needs b4 his own cuz hes just a good dude who looks out

[@DEPORT_nonWhites_or_KILL_them]

because they do lmao

[@starsiegeRoks]

​@Ebony___transgender_is_a_lie try again bot. Yall are always in the replies like rodents, just waiting to argue.

[@aeron3665]

The Instagram comment thing is unreal. I commented literally a five word sentence on something and out of NOWHERE a man called me an obese ugly attention seeker and attacked me for being a single mother I was like hello?????? I deactivated my insta a few weeks ago cuz I can’t even scroll without seeing every single comment section attacking women it’s horrid.

[@kabnoot]

Wtf thats messed up

[@EDARDO112]

What did you comment though? cus if it was some fu*ked up stuff i can understand....

[@turbotoke8882]

Alanah is the perfect guest for this podcast man

[@iamjustkiwi]

Seriously, I really hope they have her on again. With that said i dont think I've ever disliked a guest they've had on here, these guys have excellent taste in people.

[@winnievaughan]

Truly !! so damn smart and engaging and funny and the convo is seamless :)

[@turbotoke8882]

@@winnievaughan Yeah and i love her insight on the gaming industry that you cant really get from many other content creators

[@borissand3891]

She's straight up wrong about University being free in Australia, you still get a debt

[@turbotoke8882]

@@borissand3891ok?

[@yellobb3848]

I’m a huge rule follower and I feel Jarvis so much. It could have turned me into a cop, but instead it turned me into a leftist 😆

[@iamjustkiwi]

For sure, its weird how the same things can drag people to such opposite extremes. Definitely makes talking to a lot of the older people in my life difficult because its like...I get it, but i also cannot genuinely relate.

[@shrinebow.]

Happy for you!

[@zmp323]

Same🫡

[@demetriam2408]

I always got so stressed playing games because people never followed the rules, because it's just a game or whatever... but like, it's more than that to me. It's the principle. I don't want to play with you if you don't care because it's not fun that way.

[@Crazetex]

saaaame

[@franjkav]

I was just complaining to my friend last night about the misogyny on Reddit. I hardly even look at social media at this point but when I do it feels impossible to avoid the woman hating. It’s very frustrating

[@katc2040]

Yeah all of reddit freaked the fuck out when a mod didn't like someone using females to refer to women.

[@katc2040]

That's when I was like okay it's not even worth going on reddit anymore

[@RealElongatedMuskrat]

I legit changed my name and pic here on KZbin because all I got was r*pe threats or "kys bitch" replies :))) I like watching documentaries on here and in the comments when I'd share my opinion, it was "she needs fucked into an early grave" (actual reply I got) or "woman comment, irrelevant, kys" type thing the best majority of the time. Once I changed my name and pic to be totally ambiguous, most now assume I'm male and I have all sorts of civil discussions, lots of men disagreeing with me but treating me with basic respect because they think I'm one of them. Bruh.

[@black-nails]

@@RealElongatedMuskrat that sounds so terrible. I'm a bit ambiguous on insta (mostly drawings) and yet I still had people scroll down so much to see some of my old pictures where I did drag/ was posing and rate them/ be creepy in the middle of discussion. Like "i'll hit that version of you, but this one is ugly"?? Now when I took down some of my pics I almost never get any comments about my personal profile while discussing stuff. It's so disturbing that once some people see that you are a woman/ queer person/ etc they immediately forget that you are human

[@Niobesnuppa]

It's such a shame, because there are a lot of very good and supportive communities on Reddit, but the fact that the popular tab is always populated with amiugly and truerateme stuff makes me not want to visit the website anymore. Even the front page stuff that's not those kinds of communities always have a lot of bigoted comments if you scroll just a little bit down.

[@darkaiel]

Early on Jordan says as a joke you'd rather your boss thinks you're bad and dumb than have any mental stress and it hits so hard. I literally just emailed my boss about what's going on because of that.

[@honeysweet4804]

hope things go well

[@naianz]

The only way. Transparency is the best policy.

[@leahdehnel5169]

hope that whatever is causing you stress is resolved soon and well

[@ThatCrazyBookWyrm]

Jarvis talking about his rule following becoming more of a "the government/these companies arent following the rules" I FEEL SO SEEN

[@sadlystuckinreality]

Oh my god, Jarvis talking about driving was so relatable. That's how I talk to other people in cars too. I'm such a rule follower as well 😭

[@danijones8314]

ahh same!! i forgot to signal once and immediately felt like a horrible person😭😭😭

[@genderender]

the biggest thing for me is no one reading construction signs. they will wait until the last moment to merge into the one lane when there's a whole mile of signs saying to do this. you're causing the traffic!!!

[@LilyShimizu]

@@genderenderit’s not even just construction signs, I see people do this with regular lane merges like highway entrances or just neighborhood roads. There’s a lane merge just before the turn into my neighborhood and the sign is to merge to the right, and some people to the left act like you’re the a**hole if they’re riding next to you and YOU don’t slow down to let them ahead of you, rather than just hanging back and merging behind you. Also don’t understand why people wait until the very end of the merge lane on highways to actually join the traffic when they have a crystal clear opening the entire time. I think it’s always better to merge as soon as you can, not at the choke point where you are forced to by the lines in the road.

[@charalanahzard]

THX FOR HAVING ME SAD BOYZ

[@dragone236]

I think yall might really like FD Signifiers videos on the manosphere. He does a great job of talking about how we are failing young boys while also discussing the patriarchy.

[@drousey2unes]

they should really invite fiq on the show that'd be a very fun episode

[@kiralonely]

@@drousey2unes this is such a genuinely amazing idea. Especially considering how many of fiq's videos are about men's mental health, and like the whole purpose of the podcast is being open about that.

[@drousey2unes]

@@kiralonely exactly ‼️‼️

[@catabat49654]

Someone fly Fiq out to LA so he can be on this podcast!!!! How much do I need to pay on Patreon for that to happen? 😂

[@drousey2unes]

@@catabat49654 a gazillion dollar

[@sophiep3142]

I love how alanah dove head first into talking about the deep stuff in sad boyz, hope to see her back!

[@ATTACKofthe6STRINGS]

Dude, I’ve had this exact experience on social media, and even complained about it to someone. I hate the comments section on instagram.

[@Insomniacrylic]

It makes me really sad seeing young boys fall into misogyny so early. I remember being in sixth grade trying to help a kindergartener and he looked at me and said “I don’t listen to girls.” Like that’s a five year old kid and he’s not coming up with that shit by himself

[@Flokcher]

All small kids are like that dumbass, especially kindergerteners. There has always been this boys vs girl thing made by kids, its very much normal and they will grow out of it when they reach middle school or high school.

[@nwp-hz5dm]

RIGHT, It's so scary. I remember being sexually harassed (and my other female classmates) in fucking middle school by 6 and 7 year old boys!! they were too small to have any kind of sexual desire or whatever, that couldn't be coming from them, they saw that shit somewhere else and thought it was cool or something

[@beybladebaby]

on the plus side some of them will hopefully learn how idiotic and useless their hatred is and grow out of it quicker? one can only hope. it would be nice if they had female friends LOL

[@miskatonic_alumni]

This is in large part the fault of oblivious, careless, and incompetent parents buying devices for their spawn and giving their online activities little or no supervision. Preteens shouldn't have unsupervised internet access.

[@SuperNicktendo]

I used to be a guy who would have took tates advice. What got me out of it was I finally took a constructive look at myself and worked on making myself better instead of blaming others. Took a bit but I wish I could go back and tell 16 year old me what to do so I could avoid 8 more years of frustration.

[@indiecloud100]

It's good to know people can change their minds given the right circumstances. Hope you're in a much better place now 🍀

[@win_jayden]

​@@gotmilkbutt while I've never fallen down the same pipeline, I will say it is remarkably easy to listen to advice that is ostensibly blaming everyone else for your own failings and shortcomings. Cause it's easier to accept that it is out of your own control rather than taking some accountability and actually listening to people. I don't mean to be mean to OP! He did the necessary work and introspection to hopefully move on to the next phase of life happier and healthier!!

[@larbot3433]

Love a growth mindset

[@cosplaycatcriminal]

Good on you! I hope you're in a much better place, and that more people have that realization.

[@EDARDO112]

Just imagine if all the women who go on the internet to say they hate men did the same.... god... what a wonderful world

[@maplethistles775]

As someone who works in the gaming industry I'm so happy to see you have someone from the developer side on your show!

[@LordOfJonix]

Alanah was an excellent guest. She gels super well with the Sad Boyz feel. I like that her humor meshes well with Jordan's. Really interesting topics this week too. I liked the bit about responsibility as a content creator when it comes to making videos about terrible people. I used to be one of those people who would say 'just ignore them, they'll stop' but that's just not true. In most cases dismantling their platforms starts at the social level and that's something that can be more easily done with a large platform of your own. Great episode with lots to think about.

[@user-uv2cp1qd1j]

I feel like when guests get more work Jordan than Jarvis, it becomes kinda awks when Jarvis talks over and “hosts” the pod. Not hating or anything but like, let the cohost say more gd

[@slimebunni]

getting angry at other drivers in the way jarvis does is too relatable. for me it just comes from not being able to predict what others are doing because nobody follows the rules and that makes me freak out.

[@LilyShimizu]

Big same. There is a huge lack of trust in the people you’re supposed to be sharing the road and cooperating with and when we’re all riding in 2 ton death machines that erosion of trust is crazy scary and dangerous.

[@slimebunni]

@@LilyShimizu you've put it better than I ever could have!! At least I can have a little solace in the fact that others also feel the same way

[@vansprinkes]

I'm a girl, who in my school and even in my family, see how boys in my life are affected by the toxic masculinity from people like Andrew Tate. Ultimately producing people who won't watch the Barbie movie because it's "too girly".

[@viridianacortes9642]

Dude. My sister said that about Barbie. I’m so upset she fell for this rabbit hole. Then again, she was never self aware of herself and what she watched (she likes reality shows a lot). Luckily her friends are starting to speak out about it. And my sister values her girl friends like family. So I have some hope.

[@DoxicDoad]

I feel for you man. I have a thirteen year old brother and I worry every day what this kind of content will do to him in the long run

[@beybladebaby]

it really is incredible that all we have to do to offend these boys/men is just simply exist as girls/women. that's literally all we have to do and they're mad about it. its kinda funny, it helps if you and your friends can find a way to laugh at them. make them know that they're pretty cringe

[@ghfudrs93uuu]

you shouldn't watch the barbie movie because you're a boy, you' shouldn't watch the barbie movie because you're a goddamn adult

[@EDARDO112]

Too sad you don't see the women saying they h8 men and men are this or that... that makes them go for predators like andrew. Society is failing men and those guys are only taking advantage of. Red Pill is the feminism for men.

[@cloudedfilms]

sad boyz dropping friday is the best thing for me because im rarely off weekends and it always drops at the best time at work

[@silkshines00]

being a rule follower giving you pedantic/know-it-all energy is truly my entire personality.

[@hypercube8792]

I worked as a therapist for a substance abuse center with a lot of people who didn’t necessarily have a drinking problem but got a DUI/DWI. Let me tell you guys, if you have no care for your own or other people’s safety, it is still not worth it. The amount of judicial, financial problems you’ll deal with. Then forced to go to therapy and then complaining you’re not an alcoholic. IT’S ON YOU. Get an Uber or call a friend.

[@martinthemarine920]

JARVIS TALKING ABOUT "You're not following the rules" ROAD RAGE is like oh my god. I yell at people in my car all the time about how they're endangering themselves ggahghhhh im glad SOMEONE is reasonable

[@hioute]

i absolutely love road rage Jarvis. i'm exactly the same. lived in a city with horrible drivers recently and it literally made me develop new driving fears i'd never had even after like 10 years of driving, i hated it so much

[@youtube_handles_are_annoying]

TW: Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts I know they only briefly touched on this but I related so heavily when Jarvis was talking about how he wouldn't have to do his interview with Microsoft if the plane went down. I was suicidal for many years, and while not being suicidal anymore is a very very good thing, one thing that was really hard for me to deal with was not having an out for things that made me anxious. Because my go to thought for stressful situations was either, I wouldn't have to deal with this if I was dead, or, at least if this goes badly I can always just die, and there is a level of comfort to that. While I'm not suicidal anymore it was intially very hard to not have that safety net, so it is reassuring to know that other people have had even slightly similar experiences, regardless of the scale, severity, or context.

[@hotboxhearse]

13:54 i literally had this same thing happen to me with an operation on an ingrown toenail, i called them back like as soon as i left because i was in immense pain and iirc it took weeks to get back in just to get me on antibiotics and they only very vaguely suggested it was an "oopsie wittle accident" from the operation

[@CassieAngelica]

Because misogyny has sponsors.

[@revafunpocalyptic]

(referencing 1:18:08) i'm pretty firmly in the lgbt section of jarvis and jordan fans and personally i'm really heartwarmed by all the discussions of young men's mental health and isolation. i think it's really really important to understand the issues that these people face, i think it isn't helpful to anybody to just mock young men for being stupid for falling into bigotry or smth. and it's great to hear that discussion from people who i know have a nuanced perspective on the issue and understand the harm these men are doing. it is definitely tough to balance audiences who often have very different viewpoints on these issues but i think there will always be people who are comfortable with both sides of this discussion

[@rabbit6546]

Jordan talking about the illusion of the U.K. government attempting to take care of itself I’m like bestie I wish I could see that bc from my perspective as a trans person I’m just seeing a lot of incompetent ppl trip over themselves as fast as they can to destroy my life LOL

[@Fleshdeficiency]

All I see is jellied eels, chewsdays, and pdfiles.

[@риня_ржевская]

@@Fleshdeficiencynot only pdfiles, pdfiles who have been knighted and already hold royal status

[@user-uv2cp1qd1j]

@@Fleshdeficiency to be clear this isn’t directed at you, but as a British person I think all British people mentally respond to those memes with confused impatience. Jellied Eels are an incredibly regional ‘delicacy’ that hasn’t been eaten regularly for over 100 years. It’s like calling Alligator Stew a classic American dish when like 2 people make it in one town in Florida. ‘Chews day’ is an exaggeration of *some* UK accents. It would be like going “Howdy Y’all” and expected someone from California to be like ‘ah yes, I say that’.

[@Fleshdeficiency]

@@user-uv2cp1qd1j curious how you avoided the pdfile accusations??? 😱😱😱

[@sideways5153]

@@user-uv2cp1qd1j at least there are other things to bring up when you talk about the US, if you wanna talk about England your choices are limited to the imperialism, the Thatcherism, the TERFs, the monarchists, the banking industry, or the fact that even after importing as much personality as possible from around the world England itself is still one of the most blandly cruel countries in the world. A man accused the entire country of preferring to eat Irish babies over establishing any kind of social welfare and people still haven’t got anything more fun to discuss about the country. Some of the most popular stories from England and Britain are about the British oppressing Scotland or some guy mansplaining things. Pink Floyd kicked off the modern counterculture movement by pointing out the fact that in spite of being very proud of fighting the Nazis, the UK was still an incredibly fascist and cruel country. Like, I understand being politely frustrated with only hearing the same dozen cracks about accents or awful food, but maybe England should develop an actual personality beyond being too lazy to drive 20 minutes away to visit family? I’ve literally never heard anything good about England like wracking my brain, gun to my head, the best things about England always seem to be English people or their colonies complaining about how awful England is. Sorry not trying to dunk it’s just my opinion on the English is in roughly the same area as Jordan’s opinion on the French. Hope you’re having a nice day, I have no doubt you have better things to do than stew over a rambly KZbin comment

[@Kayla_P99]

This episode was an interesting peak into how creators have different ethical considerations than the average internet user and overall very thoughtful.

[@sophlamppost]

I’m not confident that this can be generalized to most creators. Jarvis and Jordan (and their circle) come across as more mature than a lot of people I know irl, let alone Influencers™️

[@Kayla_P99]

@@sophlamppost fair, it's definitely true that not all influncers actually consider these things

[@seth1130]

Instagram Reels comments are so filled with hate speech and just general negativity that it hurts

[@headintheclouds4571]

I relate so hard to the “I can’t tell my boss/professor what’s going on, it must remain a secret!” I have been trying SO hard to break that mindset. It’s super hard for me to accept that letting my professor know that I’m struggling is a good idea but, it is a good idea! I have to fight myself like “if they know, they can help”. Just felt seen by that conversation

[@sjue316]

A professor sure. Your boss isn't going to care if you're struggling or not. When at work, you have an expectation to produce or get fired. Because when they start losing money because of all the mental breakdowns. You'll be the first to go, regardless of how good you are. I'm not saying don't inform them, but don't expect your boss to make your problems their priority. It's not going to happen.

[@Zectifin]

I can agree with Jarvis that I was fed "nice guys finish last" stuff and could have gone down that road and didn't because I didn't hate women, just like Alanah said. I had trouble with women in high school, got a girlfriend, had to move across the country, dated someone, then could barely get a dad for 3 years before I found my current girlfriend. I had several female friends who I cared about and I had male friends telling me nice guys finish last. I even had my best friend (a woman) tell me I should read one of those pickup artist books because I was having such a hard time. I hated the book and the only thing I learned from it was to squeeze a girls hand you were talking to and if she squeezes back, shes actually into you. and it worked and I figured out thats how my current partner was definitely into me. I didn't hate women though. I saw a lot of girls I tried to date who said no to me date guys who ended up being total shit heads to them. I saw several of my friends who were girls get cheated on or left for another woman. And I struggled. I realized it was all bullshit though. I cared about those girls/women. I wouldn't want to use shitty tactics against them or I'd be just like those assholes. One final thing that finished it for me, before I met my current partner was my best guy friend had a crush on my best gal friend. He was the one who was telling me nice guys finish last. Well he tried to date her when she was vulnerable after a bad breakup and be there for her emotionally, after she felt better she said she did not want to date him but thanks for being there for her. He then became a douche and tried to guilt trip her and make her feel bad. After that our friend group met a pair of sisters and my guy friend had a crush on the older sister and I had a crush on the younger sister. My friend, the douche, told the older sister I wasn't a good guy and to watch out for me since I liked her younger sister. She told her sister that and the sister knowing me thought that was weird and told me. I never did anything to show that I treated women, or anyone in general poorly and him being one of my best friends should know that. I realized he was a backstabbing asshole and I stopped talking to him after I moved out of our place and turned my back on the whole "nice guys finish last" bullshit. it still sucked I was having a hard time with women, but I knew it wasn't the fault of women. I just had bad depression and anxiety and was awkward and that was my problem, not theirs.

[@vaillville3438]

This was a nice read, I appreciate you telling us a little about your life experiences.

[@gabrielamonasterio6]

I would love it if y'all could put the channels of the guests in the description! It can be deceptively hard to find some peoples channels, especially when its not clear which is the "main" and which is the 2nd/3rd, etc (looking at you greenisnotnick/nickisnotgreen). Love the show, the guests have all been awesome recently!

[@AtomicNofy]

Everytime I listen to Alanah I’m just so overwhelmed at how like impressive she is. She just seems so cool. Like I’m sure she has her issues and she even talks about some in the podcast but her vibes are immaculate and she seems to be doing very well for herself which is a credit because she clearly works and has worked very hard to get to where she is and to achieve all that while still coming off like she’s a good normal down to earth person is awesome. Just love her, cool person. 👍(at least from what I’ve seen from her public persona on the internet)

[@TheCoolTeam]

Instagram has the WORST comment section. There's no downvote system and it glorifies the worst comments.

[@macularius]

the trojan horse metaphor took me a second to parse, so at first instead of "the (wooden) horse = working out and eating healthy" I was just willing to accept that Jarvis was trying to conjure an image of this rad horse that goes to the gym for some reason

[@rabbit6546]

OH I COMPLETELY MISSED THE JOKE I THOUGHT THEY WERE DESCRIBING A COOL HORSE TOO

[@kymbredwyeryoga]

This is why I read the comments as I start listening to the show, so I can get clarity on the confusion I know I'll have. Lmao.

[@OptimusMuff]

Bro that “um actually” comment to the girl that was just asking if she could work in a specific field as a black woman made me physically wince. How do people like that exist? And how do you type that out and not think “wow, maybe I’m a piece of shit.” ???

[@PolnareffsLeftNut]

Yeah it's repulsive people like that who are the reason women and poc women are discouraged from so many fields. People like that act like the reason why there's a disproportionate percentage of men vs. women in, for example, STEM fields, is simply because women aren't smart enough to be in those fields. And then they have the GALL to say that it's just "biology" or whatever. That is an insult to women and the larger science community as a whole.

[@alloftheabove202]

I noticed this as well!! It's made me really hate going on social media, especially Instagram now. The content is all just woman hating bait with so much of the "hey look at this interview with this dumb woman who doesn't know the capital of __". But not even that, even any content involving a woman always just has its comments flooded with sexual stuff but in this aggressive, derogatory way. I don't know whether it's normal guys letting off steam anonymously or if its getting worse - makes it really scary to be a woman on the internet

[@starsiegeRoks]

I'm starting to feel like it's a collective propaganda effort, to bombard us with negativity and ensure that we have nowhere intellectually calm to talk about things. Even on this video, alot of the people being hateful and aggressive in the replies have profiles with no content, many of them created recently, and they rarely argue back if you make a coherent point, just saying something crappy to someone else. It reeks of a social-media organized disinformation campaign, where a few hundred/thousand people are making loads of sock accounts to make us mad, and to make it seem like "their side" is everywhere and more popular. But that's me putting on my tin-foil hat and rambling (sorry). The alternative is that there's actually a crap-load of absolutely frothing-mad boys and men that can't help but to metaphorically scream at anything they don't like, and that's even more terrifying.

[@neonshudder]

Thank you for discussing toxic work environments. I was fired a few months ago by people I had mistaken as friends. Our boss also did that creepy "we are a family in this department" stuff. My dude didn't so much as check in on how I was doing mentally after it had all gone down. Still recovering from it all. People are awful. Work to live. Don't live to work.

[@user-uv2cp1qd1j]

My friendliest managers were always the ones who fired me

[@sjue316]

@@user-uv2cp1qd1j Why did they fire you?

[@MrElek79]

Alanah has such insightful takes and knows that she is talking about. She vibes so well with our Sad Boyz, would love to see her on again

[@ebetg4191]

18:11 “you’re lucky i’m driving defensively!” is so real

[@catabat49654]

The discussion about society failing young men is one that plagues my mind daily. One of my good friend’s boyfriend (cishet white man) constantly laments about how society throws people like him to the wayside but uplifts marginalized communities without thinking twice. Now, he was raised in a VERY toxic household in rural Pennsylvania (Appalachia), so those dynamics definitely shape the person he is and for sure he has less privilege than the dudes I went to high school with who had rich parents and went to Ivy leagues without thinking twice. It’s a weird balance between helping young men understand the dimensions of intersectionality and how those identities are perceived on the surface by society while also acknowledging that young men & boys need to still be emotionally fulfilled as people

[@fluidthought42]

Thing is that society does disregard the wellbeing of men, but it's still a patriarchal society that's doing that to men. It's more productive to view the system of "privilege" as less of one where men are dominant, but rather one which uses flattery and promises of rewards to men in return for subservience to the system (which can involve demanding more control over women). As Fiq once out it, it's not men vs women, it's everybody vs the patriarchy. Because as much as the patriarchy paints itself as the natural right and ultimate fulfillment of men's desires, in reality it's the force that grooms men into having fears and insecurities that drive men into conforming into the social hierarchy. It's promises of power and fulfillment are just tools for planting the seed of insecurity within the hearts of men; as any good marketing strategist knows a good way to sell a product by creating or inventing a need for it.

[@odintheprole6068]

Alanah has such a good chill podcast voice. Great guest!

[@lilysmith9781]

I just had the courage to quit my job on Friday. When management got upset with me this morning for not showing up to work (after I specifically told them I was quitting) I was thinking in my head "what are you gonna do about it, fire me?" lol. But yeah I really liked the conversation about not letting your job take advantage of you. As a people pleaser I tend to say yes to every demand even if its not in my job title. I wasn't sure I made the right decision but especially after listening to that segment I realized that a job that doesn't respect me isn't worth my time.

[@spacecat7864]

37:35 that PoGo event gave me an arthritis flair up in my thumbs that I didn’t think I was old enough for lol.

[@TheGrandOptimst1]

I loved this episode! ❤ I have been struggling recently with balancing my work, streaming, editing and just life in general because my work has been consuming my life. 🕳️ This has been affecting my mental health negatively🧠 and because of this I have had to cut back on streaming to focus on editing but it scared me cause I was worried about not being consistent with streaming. Just hearing Alanah say that she stops streaming to take a break or that diversifying is fine was something I needed to hear. Thank you all for this episode! 🙏 Much love❤

[@Cavemanner]

This is not the collab I ever expected, but it was the one I desperately needed. I've loved Alanah's personality and takes for a while and it was great getting to see the unhappy lads really dig into that with her. Honestly this is the one episode of Nights that's gonna make me sub to the patreon for a month just to hear it, all the others will just be icing. Even as a dude Alanah is such an inspiration for where sticking to what you love can take you farther than you ever expected as long as you're willing to pair it with a healthy (or sometimes unhealthy) amount of hard work.

[@phoeberose2429]

Jarvis has always reminded me of my brother but never more than when he was being polite road rage Jarvis hahaha like the very rule focused "heyyy that's dangerous"

[@Mr.deacle]

43:14 I call that a "New Coke" (a big dumb distraction to let the company sneak high fructose corn syrup into "classic" Coke).

[@keyvonsilva3297]

such a good convo guys. i am glad you guys reached these topics with nuance. not alot of genuine convos about this stuff. appreciate you guys.

[@chuckmcluckin6082]

This is not the first time I've heard idiots talk about something similar to "pair bonding," but it's my first time hearing a name placed to it. What it sounds like to me is a stupid rule that exists in some fantasy harem anime that doesn't exist, but incels have clung onto because they can't tell Fact or Fiction, and think it's not Beyond Belief.

[@hitopstl]

This is probably my favorite episode of the podcast so far, such an important conversation to be had and to make people aware of. My decision to start replaying Pokémon GO was during 2020 lockdown because I needed to be on my phone to feed the physical habit I developed from almost a decade of daily smartphone usage, but my brain needed SOMETHING that wasn't modern social media. It feels like SM is getting worse and worse. but good people need to keep posting to combat and counter the dishonest and exploitative content that the kids are getting online these days.

[@michaldobrzyn]

World's colliding. I love Allanah and I've recently discovered Sad Boyz.

[@truckerdave8465]

Yay! I Found a new Person to adore! Alanah is delightful and as a woman gamer, she’s peak representation! She reminds me to have modern devs on my list of cool women in gaming, even though I must name drop Roberta Williams here for historical purposes.

[@moeezS]

Roberta is a legend!

[@user-dj9iu2et3r]

Holy shit! Two worlds colliding! I love Alanah and her content (force Troy to come back to PLW 😂 ) and I just recently got into Sad Boyz. Very cool indeed.

[@GenTink]

I relate to Jarvis's version of road rage so much. I got my license in July at 34 and NO ONE FOLLOWS THE RULES.

[@mercury4885]

alanah was a wonderful guest & i'm definitely gonna check out her other platforms. hope to see her back with the sadlads!

[@Calv_]

I watch this all the time (didn't even realise I hadn't subscribed), there's a bunch of people I've loved watching on this podcast, but Alanah is one of the greats, it was such awesome conversation and she felt like a 3rd member! It'd be great to hear from her again on here as it was really interesting discussion!

[@natrosenquist]

OMG YES Thank you, Jarvis! Signaling/indicating SHOULD be a muscle memory. I signal even when NOONE is around. Just in case.

[@maroonguy]

In response to Jordan's Uber eats getting stolen shortly after it was dropped off: So my boyfriend was a Doordash driver for a while and I would sometimes go with him and help out (because sometimes when we were both pretty busy it was the only time I'd get to spend time with him but anyway) and one time he left this big order on someone's doorstep (because that's what they requested he do) and we had literally just pulled out of the apartment complex and we saw this group of guys grab the bags and I stupidly yelled out the window "Put that back!" and *TWO OF THEM TOOK OUT GUNS* so we just sped off and then the customer reported that my boyfriend never dropped it off (despite literally taking a picture of it at the doorstep...) and he got basically shadow banned on Doordash and it was insane

[@WhatAreDrums729]

19:11 as someone who drives a small car around a city, I understand this so deeply. Big vehicles are dumb!

[@Thedimreaper]

the phrase "what are you going to do, fire me?" got me through the last month or so of my last job. i had already given my notice long in advance and was helping train the person being promoted into my spot, and i was soooooo done with that job. and yeah, the knowledge that i had another job already lined up was a huge comfort.

[@HiMyNameIsKim]

I experienced the exact same road rage that Jarvis described 😭😭

[@lowtech42]

Another banger episode! I think this might be the best discussion yet. Alanah was a great guest and I'm a fan now. And she's right, there is so much more blatant, open misogyny online now and it's not just festering in the internet dungeons of 4chan and the like. It's the knock-on effect of the mainstream prominence of redpill/manosphere figures like Tate and Pearl in a post-Trump "war on woke" cultural battleground. It's patriarchy driven to it's logical extreme by late capitalism concentrating wealth (and therefore true manhood) in the hands of less and less, while simultaneously dispossessing/disenfranchising the majority of men. Jarvis was spot on in his analysis that there's a material inequality driving this surging wave of misogynistic sentiment that creates insecurity, anger, and frustration-which are all valid-but the problem is the system of patriarchy itself not the women who unilaterally suffer under patriarchy even more than the men. Gender inequality is inseparable from economic inequality. The solution would have to involve not only the dismantling of patriarchy but also the destruction of the capitalist socioeconomic order, and replacing it with an system where the workers have fair say over the work they do and the collective value they generate (socialism, communism). Anything less is unsustainable, like what we're seeing play out right now. The contradictions are piling up to an existential, collective ego crisis. The only way out of the cycles of conflict is through compassion.

[@RandomFromValleyOfTheWind]

Lol

[@Combba6]

​@@RandomFromValleyOfTheWindA poet at heart, I see.

[@sjue316]

Another let's blame capitalism for X people. Thanks for the reminder to never take you serious.

[@lowtech42]

@@sjue316 I wish you well 🙏🏾

[@starsiegeRoks]

​@@sjue3164th comment I've found you in arguing.

[@SLYCoopaEatsChicken]

I relate to Road Rage Jarvis sm like when people don’t follow rules around respect and safety related things it makes me livid

[@pitch3rp0t]

So many people drunk drive its crazy. My partner works at a gas station and says everyone immediately starts drinking as soon as they walk out the door or admits they do it

[@PossiblyAlena]

This is one of my favorite sad boys episodes yet. Idk what it is about it but the jumps from topic to topic and each of the topics are engaging or relatable or something that's just **chef kiss*

[@rascal_rae]

Dude, I'm the same way as Jarvis on the road. It's one of the only areas where like, if we're all following the rules, we're actually all going to be better off.

[@shockedlizard5638]

Weekly sad boys Pokémon go talk. Can’t live without it.

[@weburnbridges]

First time ever seeing this podcast, probably got recommended because I follow alanah, but man this was such a great and interesting podcast. New fan for sure.

[@Username_CC_]

As a 30 year old I can only hope that these children might reach a phase where their brains can realize what the real world is like beyond school days and internet discourse and start to be a normal member of society

[@93MM483N50N]

"i had depression once" was wild to hear. I know most people generally don't struggle with these things consistently but it's so hard to fathom as someone who is the opposite

[@gwynbaty1983]

i really appreciate y'all talking about needing to be productive to stay sane. i've really been feeling that lately, and while i know overworking and burning out isn't a good solution either, it's nice to know that other people feel a similar way when they don't have enough on their plate. i'm hoping to get something in my life besides my boring office job soon.... i think striving for something more would really help me out.

[@fiobt]

This has been one of my favorite episodes by far (writing at 1:38:41). I loved the topics and hearing the different perspectives, especially on the issues involving women and younger men. Thanks guys :)

[@tintin1313]

Yoooo what a crossover! Love all these people.

[@beththebubbly69]

love the pod as always :) great for listening while playing stardew valley!

[@SleepyMedia]

I truly relate to the overworking through depression. Jokes on me though because Autistic Burnout is a thing lmao

[@tai31415]

17:40 I drive around in the Greater Toronto Area, and I feel this in my bones! The amount of bullshit people do on the highways around here is stupid. You have to be so aware, and actually drive kinda agressively to stay safe sometimes.

[@eeeggg33]

Whenever I see someone pull something stupid on the road I find myself shouting "you'd fail your driving test for that!', its nice to know other people have their own versions of polite road anger

[@lenalemisfit]

When all my favorite people collab is such a cool moment!!! I'd love to see you guys visit Funhaus

[@SakuraEvangeline]

The part about misogyny being more prevalent was a tough watch. Jarvis was constantly refocussing the conversation and by default invaludating Alanah's feelings. Jarvis desperately needs to look inward to address his biases in these conversations. I see him time and time again identifying with the ''lonely men'' (I think in this one he even said something like ''I was like that'') and it SHOWS. "We are failing young men''? Are we als failing white people if white people choose to engage in racist content and choose to be more racist? No those men who are choosing to engage in misogynistic (and lets not kid ourselves, homophobic, ace-phobic and all kinds of other -phobics) content are failing themselves and are also endangering everyone around them because of their entitlement. The situation for women is ABISMAL, women dont have the rights to their own bodies, they are left to die for populistic policies, SAed and killed and there is a bunch of other rights that are on the line. But yeah, we are definitely ''failing young men''.

[@Eeppydeepy]

The driving rant is so relatable 😭 there’s something about driving that brings out the most selfish, dangerous, inconsideratness of some people and “debating” the types that drive that way is equally as infuriating

[@RodneyAndMeVideos]

I saw the engagement reel Alanah mentions and I remember seeing her comment and feeling such relief that someone was showcasing that women are not some awful monolith. It might seem silly to some but thanks, Alanah. That comment section was rough

[@itsAustinGreen]

someone needs to collect all of jordan’s bi sitting poses like pokemon cards

[@nontheoretical1]

Love watching Jordan destroy a blanket one thread at a time.

[@woodzy6100]

Alana Pearce is such a cool character. I really hope they explore more of her character arch in the next installment of the series.

[@cdw2468]

FD Signifier would be the perfect guest for this podcast

[@cam5017]

it feels like my feed had been like this too i just assumed it was because i was liking gym content so then my feed was showing me male gym content which led to just misogynistic content 😭

[@doodlydungeon8576]

There's two ways for a gym rat to go... gym rat to misogynist pipeline or the gym rat to leftist pipeline

[@maritimus_]

loved this episode !! alanah had the perfect vibes to go with the sad boyz- genuinely a very enjoyable listen, thank you everyone!

[@vegangummybearz.]

sadboyz got me into podcasts and now i listen to the eps as i draw. i used to honestly hate podcasts and i would always click away.

[@zenleeparadise]

My anxiety and depression are really intertwined so it's really interesting to hear someone talk about having depression but not being anxious at all. Like... I genuinely can't fathom what that would be like.