"Why Dog Poop Sidewalk?" - Stephen Colbert Answers Real Questions From Real Kids

Kids. Where do they come from? We may never know. If you have a kid who has a question for Stephen, post it to social media using the tag #ColbertKidQuestions and you may see your kid on a future episode of The Late Show! #Colbert #Comedy #ColbertKidQuestions
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@SebastianHShaw]

Michio Kaku answering that poo question healed a part of me, I didn't know needed healing! Lol!

[@artbargra]

Dr Kaku is definitely my favorite current scientist. And this segment was amazing.

[@carlosbrum265]

John always seems so thoroughly happy. Even when he's had serious and heartbreaking stuff going on he always carries himself with total grace. I think he might be part unicorn, he's definitely some type of magick. And I agree with one of the other comments about his amazing sense of style. The man is pure class.

[@2CorgiMom]

I’d love to see John Batiste take the Colbert Questionnaire!

[@frankrizzo739]

But Jon is already "known"! 😉

[@ClayLoomis1958]

Michio Kaku has a sense of humor! I like the man, because he promotes science well, but he can bring the funny too. Excellent. That's a Neil deGrasse Tyson level of fun.

[@ryanschmidt8468]

I met him once and told him 3 times my name is Ryan. He signed my book Brian anyway lol.

[@ClayLoomis1958]

@@ryanschmidt8468 Genius has limits. Albert Einstein wore the same color suit every day in his later life. Choosing clothes was a waste of brainpower to him. Michio Kaku may not waste his time on name recall.

[@tomgucwa7319]

@@ryanschmidt8468 well , change your silly name ;

[@tomgucwa7319]

@@ClayLoomis1958 He wore tan chinos ,blue shirt : slip on shoes: they couldn't get him to wear socks at the Nobel prize party/ dinner.

[@MonkeyJedi99]

@@ryanschmidt8468 Sorry to hear that, Brian.

[@ParkBongSig]

I love that they brought in the Japanese Physicist. His answer to his second question was hilarious.

[@HappyLife693]

It was good to see one of the band members have the spotlight.

[@anushapremkumar7356]

And his voice is like butter too😃

[@tyrantneptune3202]

Absolutely. John is always a ray of sunlight in an otherwise gloomy world, and recently, it seems that he's been interacting more with the other band members. All of them always seem so upbeat, cheerful, and energetic, which of course is conveyed in what little of their music I can hear due to not living in NY, and their smiles are all so genuine, like not a single one of them is forced. Could be because they're excited for the episode to come X)

[@jorgegonzalez-larramendi5491]

ALWAYS !

[@Marcus_Caius]

@@tyrantneptune3202 indeed, I don't know what it is but they are **DELICIOUS**

[@deedeeannash]

I love that Stephen regards sports with my exact level of disinterest.

[@HopskotchBunny]

Michio Kaku and the kids in his segment were especially fun for me. All the kids were wonderful ❣️ I just got such a kick out of the science aspect and the dog 💩 poop question. I love this so much. ❤️

[@joenisnapje712]

Have Randy Rainbow as a guest. True hero of the Trump era

[@queenannesrevenge1437]

I love Randy ❤

[@vinny142]

if "why dog poop sidewalk?" doesn't become merch, Iwill be very disappointed.

[@caseyjones9716]

Man, woman, person camera, tv.

[@tomgucwa7319]

Some small hope for the future o mankind

[@funkaddictions]

​@Van Bus Nice banana

[@funkaddictions]

@@caseyjones9716 You must be some kind of genius to remember all those words in order!

[@caseyjones9716]

@@funkaddictions See, that's just it, that so-called test he took was NOT a standard neurological test, but rather a quick cognitive check. When people are taken to the ER after an accident, they do this. It takes about 10 seconds. It's just a real quick assessment to see if your clear-headed or have some kind of head trauma. No one "aces" it despite what trumpie said. Decades ago, ER staff would ask you if you knew what day it was or who was president. This quick little check tells more about you alertness and cognition, so many Ears and hospitals are using it.

[@suzannebrown2505]

Sense of humor and intelligence generally go hand-in-hand.

[@DfetzMcScrampsky]

Absolutely, your best segment. Comedy in full swing! Let the levee break! I may have to quit my job to watch the ACTUAL show!

[@lindaleelaw5277]

Write an ask him to send you a ticket.

[@DfetzMcScrampsky]

@@lindaleelaw5277 like, snail mail write a letter? DM the KZbin?

[@FutureCommentary1]

I love how Stephen's team makes him read sports stuff that he absolutely doesn't understand. Too funny

[@Leeohlin89]

I don’t know man, sounds like he kinda does. 😉

[@SteveWhite1104]

lol

[@jessemarcus]

I am offended its no longer called Box Wine..... Its Cardbordeaux

[@kitcoffey7194]

👏👏👏

[@ericminch]

...or Chateaux Carton.

[@ktiffany5904]

Bib bag in box

[@Wittyx]

The Caution Edge of Universe sign is right before the Next Stop: The Twilight Zone sign.

[@nicholelaskowski33]

I Am 100% using this in my 3rd grade class. I leave every day to take my dog outside during lunch. And this is the best possible explanation ..."dog poop on sidewalk so dog no poop on carpet " is the short version of what I tell students every single day

[@DrAbhishekSomkuwar8717]

"Dog poop sidewalk so that dog doesn't poop on carpet"- World renowned Theoretical physicist😂

[@The_Cadaver]

Sounds about right for 2022.

[@hulaGUNZ]

He bloody well just stole my thesis.

[@tej226]

I can't stop laughing 🤣😂

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

Along the same lines. I saw one child ask his parents why their dog was doing the "Boot Scoot Boogie". Their answer was the best, "We don't have Toilet Paper!".

[@jeffs6090]

No "on". Just "doesn't poop carpet". Big difference.

[@carlsaiyed1097]

why dog poop sidewalk was the hardest laugh I've had in a while

[@SiN88m]

Michio Kaku is already 75?! He looks like a 50year old ninja warrior.

[@Kiyoone]

It must be the diet.

[@susanfanning9480]

Wow.

[@mikevanderman2727]

Jajajajaja ninja warrior was cool...and weird

[@quetzal3000]

great segment. maybe next time have the band's kids ask the questions.

[@sealyoness]

I am just LOVING Jon's jacket.

[@MauiMauiMe]

He always looks amazing.

[@tania2897]

I cheered in my head when Michio Kaku came on😁

[@backelie]

I can't believe Stephen would lie to the kids like that! - There's plenty of nutrients in beer!

[@Belforhir]

and it DOES taste good!

[@aidankidd6947]

Not American beer lol

[@Belforhir]

@@aidankidd6947 Ahhh I forgot to account for t hat. It reminds me of an old Monty Python bit at the hollywood bowl (?) ages ago they tossed beers into the crowd and said "we do this cause we find your american beer alot like making love in a canoe... fucking close to water!"

[@livejapan]

Missed opportunity to have deer hooves when it cut back to you in studio.

[@Lucius1958]

He had to give them back to Jon Stewart...

[@jakesyaseen8494]

Steve is watching your children is a great Mentor Thank you Stephen Colbert

[@krisfrederick5001]

Funny how when we're kids all we want to do is grow up. When we're grown up we cling to our childhoods.

[@BigBoogookie]

I NEVER wanted to grow up as a kid. I never understood the appeal of adulthood. Wanting to grow up was a foreign concept to me. All I saw waiting down the road were demanding jobs, taxes, mortgages, heaps of responsibility, etc., whereas I was perfectly happy playing Power Rangers or whatever with friends at recess, watching cartoons, and getting lost in my imagination.

[@kieranjaegar]

Oh, you have NO IDEA.

[@Shuizid]

That's because as children we want to know what all the things are adults can do and we don't. Then we become adults and notice all this stuff is horrible.

[@tania2897]

I actually put that in a song "when I was a little girl I wished I could see the world, Now that I see the world I wish I could be a little girl"

[@Shuizid]

Wait I got a better one: As children we want to explore the world and discover what it's all about. As adults we know that the world is sh*t and it's all about sh*t.

[@margoelizabethmiller]

Luke melts my heart!

[@richardmarty9939]

I like the "Emotional Support Wine"!

[@ignatiustenebris6743]

My favorite cooking manuscript is “A modest proposal” by Jonathan Swift. It has the best recipes for cooking those delicious extra children.

[@santoast24]

This honestly reminds me of the 'please donate a penny to help educate Sarah Palin about basic facts about US History'

[@TheChefmike66]

This is what I hoped that the internet could be for me.

[@TheChefmike66]

Kudos to Michio Kaku!!!

[@rugby_jtizzle]

Love michio kaku here and his answer for the poop question! So good and was unexpected 💯

[@Traci_Websinger]

Beer has nutrients, not that I like beer - give me hard cider, at least the home brewed stuff does.

[@joncosmomusic]

I love the diversity! Great job Colbert and crew!

[@quetzal3000]

was thinking the same

[@everintransit4240]

You had me at "certified children".

[@DustyJones1997BGCL]

As a future parent this is so adorable I can't wait to have Future Kids this is so cute they are so a cherishable 👨‍👧👨‍👧‍👦👨‍👦‍👦👨‍👧‍👧❤️🥰😍

[@Marcus_Caius]

and they are delicious

[@shawnhartmann4581]

They've had a run of iffy names for this segment. Should change it to something wholesome like "Stephen Colbert Reaches Out To Your Kids" or maybe something purely descriptive like "Stephen Colbert and Children. There Are Questions."

[@poietes7337]

Love that second one!

[@Woosaidthat]

What the fun in that?! 🙄

[@Zuraneve]

"Stephen Colbert Teaches Your Kids a Lesson"

[@jschuler53]

Anyone remember Art Linkletter's Kids Ask the Funniest Questions segment? It was hilarious. Same thing only the answers weren't as sarcastic as Colbert.

[@Zuraneve]

@@jschuler53 I never watched it, but my grandparents had a compilation book of it that I've read.

[@malte1984]

this was so nuts. I love it!

[@youreg]

Then maniacial Beavis&Butthead-esque laughter from the variably-appendaged Stephens near the end was a delight

[@AntiHaze]

I was thinking Tim and Eric

[@drabanddour]

That last answer killed me.

[@tozomona]

I LOVE this segment!! More please.

[@Scorpion122178]

I'll answer the last girl. "Because having a child didn't use to be a financial death sentence." -A millennial

[@massimocole9689]

And also, because childhood used to be a death sentence for three quarters of the children.

[@Woosaidthat]

Oh it’s all about you as usual 🙄

[@qibriti3220]

@@massimocole9689 and no reliable birth control

[@ianbraun271]

Also, more children meant more free child labor.

[@jschuler53]

Jeez, melodramatic much?

[@evatripp7788]

I think this segment had DEFINATE CREEPY TONES to it especially near the end. It was hilarious but child friendly especially that last answer. The Creepy scale went up to 10!!! LOL!!!

[@markabrice]

Man, Jon Batiste looks good in red!

[@janetbeebe6578]

That poor little girl is going to be afraid of Taco Bell.

[@WoWhistorian]

That's probably for the best, if what I've read on the internet is to believed. And it's the internet, so I feel pretty confident in its accuracy. Who would lie on the internet?

[@kingjamos2422]

@@WoWhistorian Absolutely nobody. On an unrelated note, I can fly!

[@kingjamos2422]

She'd learn to fear it as an adult, anyway.

[@sallycasas4170]

The last questioned should have been answered truthfully🤔Couples had many children because 1) Dad needed someone to help with the chores on the farm 2) Few couples practiced birth control 3) In the past, some couples didn't understand how much time, money and patience it takes to nuture, clothe, feed, guide, educate and prepare children for adulthood.😁😎😷🙋‍♀️

[@jmangi1313]

We need more Dr. Kaku!!!

[@ianbraun271]

I think the Kids questions segment should be titled "Mr. Colberts Neighborhood"

[@leavingitblank9363]

I like how Samuel talks with his whole body.

[@angelladavignon7588]

Big Strangers with Candy energy lmao

[@blueprairiedog]

The littlest kids have the best questions. "Why dog poop sidewalk?"

[@callen9623]

Dr. Michio kaku-answering the universe’s deepest dog poo sidewalk questions.

[@sasquatchpatch]

Aieaieaieaie! Three fisted hooves of “Bob”!

[@poietes7337]

Michio Kaku and Neil deGrasse Tyson perfectly exemplify how nothing really compares to intelligence coupled with a keen wit as far as attractiveness is concerned. 😏

[@tammystockley-loughlin7680]

I agree. I have always appreciated the saying "Pretty is as pretty does ". Positive vibes from New Hampshire, remember to be kind to each other and yourself during this pandemic and social crisis

[@poietes7337]

@@tammystockley-loughlin7680 😀✌️

[@heideleskun1163]

Nice job on bringing in Dr. Michio Kaku.

[@jankarieben1071]

I think the edge of the universe is just the end of our understanding, so the edge of the universe is simply indescribable

[@serendipityshopnyc]

It's obvious why dreams are always so weird. We can only remember the weird ones!

[@fredricclack7137]

"Certified Children" 🤣

[@giantsfan9868]

😳 Me not sure.. but thinking Stephen was HIGH on something 🤪 And the dog/sidewalk/poop question…. exactly what I ask when I find fresh dog stuff right next to my car door. 🤬

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

If it was a MAKE dog, what was ON your door?

[@billcote5462]

The overtime period should be a timed period with a coin flip to determine who gets the ball first , that way neither team has an automatic advantage

[@rulerchop4032]

Kids, just to clarify, parents didn't eat their children in the olden days. The reson they had so many is because half of them were expected to die and kids were free labor. Jeez Stephen no need to traumatize them.

[@IJayAmLegend]

Thank you, Mr Stephen, sir, Sir? I didn't know all of those things, just some of them. It's good to be reminded!

[@hemlockVape]

Dog poop sidewalk, ok. Owner leaves it for stepping in, not ok. Pick that shit up 💩

[@williamstanton4283]

you had us at emotional support box wine.

[@veneroso3337]

I love his red jacket!

[@jspence8863]

So adorable 🤗💕

[@smkh2890]

As a careful dog owner, i am appalled at how much dog poop there is on the pavements and in the grass in the park, so it's not safe for kids anymore!

[@MonkeyJedi99]

Yeah, like kids are outside anymore.

[@nullref0]

I love this, but also wouldn't you just put the food in the oven and then time travel 10minutes into the future when it's done cooking?

[@Markle2k]

Because in that time the Earth would have rotated about 180 miles and travelled 11000 miles around its orbit. The kid was very prescient in asking when and where. You would wind up somewhere in the Van Allen belts looking for your reheated pizza.

[@sealyoness]

@@Markle2k LOL

[@annikarasmussen6616]

Because moving forward you lose 10 mins of life. Elder Colbert is giving younger Colbert more time to enjoy life.

[@jouneymanwizard]

I do this all the time: I take a nap. Instant time travel to the future!

[@Woosaidthat]

Uh… then how would it be decorated with Stephen’s face on it huh?!

[@Greenbambu78]

Ahahahahaaha…. ,,, a dog needs to do his business every day 😂😂😂👍👍.

[@spshkyros]

... I think the best part of the video, is that Michio Kaku not only got the answer very wrong, he got the QUESTION very wrong. What he answered is how long does it take for a muon to travel across the size of a proton, while what was asked was how long does it take for it to ATTACH to a proton. For this to work, you need low energy muons - which DO exist, see for instance muonium and muon spin relaxation, both of which depend on it. From there, you want to know how long it takes for a free muon to relax when in the vicinity of a proton - I'd guess that you could figure this out from the width of the relaxation line? I have no idea off hand, but I feel good that my no idea didn't at least misinterpret the question :) Edit: He did however nail the dog question, and is such a good sport for doing this, seems like an awesome guy.

[@ericminch]

Muons, like all other mammals, relax much more quickly when being massaged by experienced hands.

[@aprilhenry1428]

My kid asked that question. My child and husband said he did not answer the question.

[@spshkyros]

@@aprilhenry1428 well, if your kid is interested in that stuff, point him to my reply. Bet he'd get a kick out of muonium.

[@aviralgupta393]

was waiting for this!!

[@aviralgupta393]

also 1st

[@guystudios]

@@aviralgupta393 Nice!

[@josmeproslonije724]

6:03 LEGEND!

[@joannejohnson7006]

YES 😁 so sweet

[@jpdemer5]

Seeing what Jon is wearing has become an important part of my day. Waiting for commenters to learn to spell his name, on the other hand, is starting to feel like an exercise in futility.

[@studio1127]

That last answer tho....lol

[@caseyjones9716]

Dr. Michiu Kaku RULES !!!!

[@XVeganDaveGodFreeX]

Guess that professor has never heard of warp drive

[@cbailey2376]

Rocking. the red jacket, Jon. 😍

[@Woosaidthat]

Don’t believe he just left it at that….. 🤣

[@yasminerobinson4220]

Ben, I'm a grown up and I still don't know why grown ups drink beer either. 😂

[@susanwilson9241]

Big Michio Kaku fan here - so great to see him! LOVED his dog poop answer :)

[@tamb3938]

Wow ! Just wow.....

[@misterbennnn]

Thank you, Dr. Michio Kaku, for answering the tough questions

[@lindaleelaw5277]

Ben - got it going on ..sits there like " hey SC , ya hiring ?" ' Need an agent ? "

[@Uncertaintycat]

Michio Kaku must be an amazing grandpa

[@tthom2459]

Oh Oh . . . just wait til the Q-annoners see this . . . . lol between the delicious children and the hooves . . . I think Mr Colbert just made their list. Good Luck!

[@12MedbeNetwork]

I mean he is on Epstein's list afterall!

[@tthom2459]

@@12MedbeNetwork ? ? Who is? ?

[@azraelbryson5046]

It's the filibuster, one side just doesn't get a chance to score.

[@TheOfficialTarynTots]

Im surprised to not see a comment saying he eats kids. He just admitted it. 😆

[@frozenrose84]

no comments about the real Michio Kaku?! Very cool :D

[@LMM7880]

I feel your pain Christine Baranski. I am a die hard Bills fan and I live in Toronto.

[@TheTheloniusPunk]

Speaking of dreams, today I thought back on an article I read sometime in the last couple of days about it not being safe to tie-dye your own feet. I recalled that and thought "That's weird, and maybe was a dream?" Definitely not a thing, and I definitely dreamt of reading that article online

[@Lucius1958]

Hoofed Stephen?? No way: my dreams told me it was Jon Stewart who was the were-deer! 🤣🦌 (Actual dream, btw)

[@spaghettisultan5484]

I missed the hoof gag back on the Report

[@usestech]

The girl at the end of segment, Extremely beyond cute !!

[@StressRUs]

The show stopper kid question is: Why did you have me when the planet is dying?

[@JonesFactor1]

Woah. That was some late night, Dana carvey, Tim and Eric, trippy hooves counter humor stuff.

[@sophierobinson2738]

Where's the cowboy hat drummer?

[@lawbinson]

Stephen Sport Sayings lol

[@tozomona]

John B is the hippest looking man on tv. Great red jacket!! xo

[@jspence8863]

Why dog poop sidewalk 🤨🤔💝💝💝