Why I deleted all dating apps | Coffee Talk ☕️

[@theguynextdoor4978]

The business model behind it is to keep people single in order to not lose cash flow. Another thing is called "the paradox of choice". Which means that too many options leaves people confused and unable to make a choice. Like a guy named Barry Schwartz said in his ted talk: Imagine being a business owner, and you give your employees 50 different investment offers. More options sounds like a good thing. But it had the opposite effect. Fewer employees invested, and were left scratching their heads not knowing what to choose. Same applies to dating apps.

[@specialiseesi6746]

EXACTLY. And turn people into objects.

[@growwitharie]

I just deleted mine. It is so unbelievably tiresome and energy consuming. Im going to focus on myself and date myself and get out there and try new things and meet new people authentically

[@shaniadeblois]

That's the way to go!!!

[@doublebuttamaui]

My biggest problem with apps (not that there aren't tons) is that you can't know if you have any real type of attraction or connection by sending a few texts and glancing at a carefully curated profile. I need to see someone IRL and see their smile and see if we actually have a spark or connection.

[@shaniadeblois]

couldnt agree more! Real connection is soooo important

[@user-mt2yz4mb8l]

I deleted mine after meeting a guy who wasted one month of my time and then changed his mind saying he doesn’t know what he wants. I feel so deflated as I finally like someone after 9 month. I feel like dating for me is an interview. I feel so defeated dating and so done. I want a child but I might even consider artificial insemination I don’t think dating is for me I’m so done!

[@clarissaamiata1448]

Omg this happened to me too! After over a month he says this shit. I think if you pay close attention in the beginning they will give clues if they are emotionally available or not. You just have to pay attention and avoid the avoidants. I realized too late because I was blinded by the love bombing.

[@yespls6260]

​@@clarissaamiata1448this EXACT thing happened to me too.. I was love bombed... then he dumped me a month later. Absolutely destroyed my self esteem

[@tzeimi_]

I deleted all my dating apps years ago, then I met a man off Snapchat. Oh boy lmaooo everything was good until it went bad lol so now I just try to meet people organically. I make an effort to go out & just hope for the best lol

[@shaniadeblois]

Seems like that’s the way to go. Thank you for sharing❤️

[@bm5_5_5]

Definitely following the same tactic I still think it’s best to meet out in the wild.

[@linakiriy3301]

It's natural to meet naturally.

[@tobiasjacobs2093]

Having snapchat is already a red flag for men and women lol

[@thndesmondsaid]

Thank you! I've deleted them and come back to them a few times, but it's refreshing to hear someone who has had similar struggles and was able to delete them for good. I think I'm going to try again. If you end up finding ways to meet people without dating apps would love to hear about that!

[@chillriri]

I feel you when you said that the dating scene is not healthy. There's a lot of bad people out there, but I feel like there's one person for everyone. We just need to be patient and humble to find them 🥰

[@shaniadeblois]

Wise words right there!

[@robertturner2516]

Modern day society proves that to be wrong..... we have plenty of people we feel attracted to, less to those who are attracted to us back. Even less that you feel comfortable in each other's company for a long time.

[@maskrosesable7878]

I think the fact that I have beeon on and off dating apps / sites for almost 20 years and still haven't met a good match, plus many of the men I see on these apps are the same ones that were on there years ago, I think that pretty much proves that there is a group of single people who are just not attracted to eachother and can't find a match. Sorry, the saying is cute and positive, but now at 37 I have decided to just enjoy life without the exspectation that I should meet a perfect match, it doesn't exist.

[@DeadCat-42]

Took less than three weeks for dating apps to convince me to give up on dating entirely. I was tex a wife and children. I thought if I work on myself and be the best me I could be that would happen. Im tall , keep fit, have a good family, good friends a career and a house I bought at 26. Like MOST men, I've totally given up. I must have messaged a dozen women, no reply. So I deleted the apps and gave up. That was years ago, at this point I just avoid women. Just thinking about it makes me sad. Oh well, at least I have lots of friends I. The exact same boat. I don't know what women are doing, the ONLY guy I know dating is a total player who should be avoided .

[@shaniadeblois]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry to read that you too have been disappointed by dating apps.. I guess we are all in the same boat as you said. Friends do make a difference and it's important to surround ourselves with good ones! ❤️

[@DeadCat-42]

@@shaniadeblois oh yeah, the apps left me with low self esteem and just plain depressed. Then my friends started telling me they ALL went through the same. I know these a really great people. They are the best guys , but they are just as single and just as depressed about dating.. If the BEST men are giving up and only the worst men , the players and conmen are the ONLY guys successful at dating Men and women will both be left alone and sad. Which is exactly what is happening. We told the boys that they shouldn't. The good ones listened and stopped dating.

[@specialiseesi6746]

Same here. I got my own paid off apartment, make good money, in my 40s and there’s no reply from women. Deleted my apps about 2 years ago and not looking back. I’m meeting WAAY BETTER girls in person, through friends, facebook and going back to old acquaintances.

[@MA-rn2xp]

I've never been a fan of dating apps however I decided to try it and 4 months later I was already fed up. I deleted them a week ago. So over it. For someone like me looking for some real deep and long lasting dating apps are not it. That's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

[@DeadCat-42]

I know part of it is just the demographics of the area, there seem to be few women. Part is a change in dating. A few of my friends are single dads. I hit 30 and realized that if I meet one women a year and managed to get a date, and then manage to get a second date (less than %50) what are the chances i'd find someone Id want to form a relationship with, much less get married and have a child with by 35? and it's not like you're going to just go hi let's get married and have children. That takes time. And CHOICES, a selection of people to meet and chose from. And that's what is missing for men in dating. Women, have abundant choices, but can't even decide what they want to eat. @@specialiseesi6746

[@jessubravante9957]

I am exactly in this stage right now. Thank you for this.

[@shaniadeblois]

No thank YOU for sharing your experience with me and watching. We're all in this together and don't hesitate to reach our if you'd like to chat. My dms are always opened!

[@thehappyproject7117]

Deleting my dating apps gave me so much peace now I need to figure out how to handle guys asking me out in my instagram dns.

[@shaniadeblois]

Sometimes, taking some time off is much needed! Good luck with the dms... May the force be with you ❤‍🔥

[@Cararenee93xo]

It’ll just be the same experience with Instagram.

[@chericoffman6321]

I gave up dating and have never had more peace and contentment.

[@daleclarke2849]

The best app is going to church and find god to be life !!! He’ll bring the right person for!!!!!

[@-MakeItGood-]

I’ve gone back to this method too. She’s there I just haven’t met her yet.

[@NimaAbdu-z1i]

❤😅🎉

[@raylule6990]

Amen 🙏🏾

[@NovaPrincess]

The biggest freaks and psychos are in the pews and the pulpit though. My ex committed felonies after I left him. He pleaded guilty and ran to both the church and Christian dating sites.

[@juliaarambula3153]

I’m with you! Same crap different day. Most of the men are starving for sex and or cannot carry a conversation. Just very lackluster and it’s a business. I agree that dating is not a game. It’s redundant empty stress.

[@shaniadeblois]

Thank you so much for sharing! Sadly enough, we're a lot of people who seem to be experiencing similar situations.. Hang in there!

[@MackJoseph]

Carry a conversation? Then help them put it not that hard

[@TheKrystee]

Girllll, you’re preaching to the masses. Downloaded after another friend met a guy who became her boyfriend. Deleted AGAIN shortly after. I just can’t.

[@princesses278]

I stopped because they had no respect and tried to use me for my body

[@shaniadeblois]

I'm sorry you had to go through that... It happens to too many of us. Sometimes, it's necessary to take a step back and heal.

[@candygirl1990]

I have never met anyone on dating apps or in resl life. Its sll too hard nowadays. I think i will be single forever, i dont want to be, but men ignore me all the time

[@shaniadeblois]

I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t give up! Sometimes all it takes is a few seconds of pure courage. You risk nothing by simply introducing yourself to a someone you cross in the streets frequently for example ☺️

[@clemenceturgeon]

J'suis contente de voir que notre conversation post piknic aie fait son petit chemin! It's time to build your empire my friend!

[@shaniadeblois]

Indeed ça a fait son chemin dans ma tête! Tes mots m’ont beaucoup fait réfléchir❤️

[@aaron2295]

I'm a guy, 36 and never really had a romantic relationship. I was pretty close a few times. A good portion is my fault, I am pretty self aware, good at making people laugh, pretty financially successful, but I have Aspergers and have a very hard time with people in general. It takes a lot of energy and I have pretty low self esteem very critical of myself. I never had success with dating apps. I was much more successful befriending women I went to High school with, once I was in my mid 20s. But most of them had massive personal issues. I gave up entirely for a while. My new strategy is to try and build up my network of female friends and eventually start asking if they know anyone that might be interested in me. Most my guy friends have 100% given up and only 3 are married.

[@piotr004]

Exactly. I am an almost 29 guy and also - nothing romantic. Zero. I had no problem communicating with women, but their standards are so unrealistically high, it's impossible absolute majority of men (statistics proves it). It's "funny" how women complain the dating scene is "unhealthy" while it's women who make it unhealthy most of the time. It's enough to just log in and even an average woman will get a lot of attention.

[@aaron2295]

Because women on dating apps have gravitated to the top 15% or so of men on them and its potentially reflected in the dating market at large. Part of me wonders if that 15% were hypothetically monogamous that the dating market would have a large correction and it wouldn't be as difficult. Probably wont happen, but nice to think about. I have a major fear that our generation and gen Z are going to end up with huge portions of it never married or in any romantic relationship at all. Could take a generation to fix what went wrong @@piotr004

[@-MakeItGood-]

People that respect themselves don’t subject themselves to being bought and sold based on numbers that are usually distorted anyway. I’ve never met anyone who got married from a dating app. Quite literally the most destructive thing you can do to yourself psychologically.

[@anka6356]

There are plenty of people who get married from dating apps. My brother is one of them. And I heard of a lot of other people. My uncle also found his girldfriend of years like that, now that I think about it. So many.

[@dinkerkotecha]

Very frank and good explanation shared to ppl who are in a state of what do do themselves! 🤔

[@danielmar4532]

To be honest i only used the dating apps for hookups. And i would ghost, and treat woman. The same way the treated me on the apps. Its a toxic environment. For Men and woman. Been off the apps since 2018.

[@mana-uv7cz]

At least your honest about it

[@MimiCoco-gt7zo]

​@@mana-uv7cz Exactly

[@Abookandacup]

I have never been on a dating app and I'm not sure I could 😅 so I guess good thing I'm not single lmaoooo true miracle

[@shaniadeblois]

Yeah it's definitely a special world for dating out there...

[@linakiriy3301]

Thank you for it.

[@KennethMoses-v4v]

I went on the apps. I'm a hopeless romantic too. I wanted to met someone in the real world. I did. I love her. But she didn't feel the same. So I'm on the apps.

[@robertturner2516]

Women don't need dating apps. The women who are on dating apps don't grow their social skills, and often don't have social skills with the opposite sex. Men on dating apps tend to be either desperate or they are players.

[@mana-uv7cz]

True

[@youcrazyjesues]

i will die alone before i download another dating app. so be it if i don't find someone.

[@stephaniepersin4222]

Go out and meet real people. When I cared enough in youth to speak to people I went on Sierra Club hikes in my area. Best is to be okay with yourself and live life regardless of if they want to go anywhere.

[@shaniadeblois]

Thank you for this advice! That’s indeed a great way of meeting people. I’ll take note of it. ❤️

[@lynn3378]

Your videos are so aesthetic

[@shaniadeblois]

Thank you!!! I truly appreciate it❤️‍🔥

[@abbiealverez2960]

This is literally my story but im like in my 40s

[@shaniadeblois]

Thank you for sharing Abbie! Tho it’s never too late to find the right person❤️

[@dr_bodling]

how'd you make that coffee? looks good 🤔

[@UONAPP]

That’s why we are creating a different experience. Dedicated to helping you meet people in person. We even got invited to the I hate dating apps podcast

[@CometGarcia-y1c]

I hate when people say god will bring the right person. Sure he will in 50 years. Ha!

[@TechLlamaa]

You telling me i'm not getting anymore stories?! 😥

[@shaniadeblois]

Not for a while en tout cas hahaha

[@gonzo1400]

Just came from a date now, another failure to the list. Fucking hell lol

[@shaniadeblois]

I'm really sorry to read that! Let's not give up just yet ;)

[@jasonmatthews504]

I was told that when it comes to dating apps, ‘men are in a desert and women are in the ocean.’ In other words it is hard for most men to find dates as 80% of women are only interested in 20% of the men; it is easier for women to get dates, yet the end up not going well. I find it is better to meet the opposite sex doing group activities. I started a Salsa class a few weeks ago and it find it more easier to get to know women as we rotate around the room and dance with different partner and we get acquainted with one another. I would not stop dating apps if you are getting dates, but I would advise to start more hobbies that you are really interested in to meet the opposite gender. In this way before any date will happen you get to know someone for a little while.

[@katechipata9934]

Great advice! 😊

[@shaniadeblois]

That is such a great input! Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I'll definitely keep that in mind when I'll be ready to date again.

[@shaniadeblois]

Agreed!

[@grantalexander5812]

Hope your journey is going well lol, I'm currently in the online dating grinder getting my ego blended lmao

[@shaniadeblois]

I'd be curious to know how dating looks through Grinder. I've heard mostly mindblowing stories...

[@grantalexander5812]

@@shaniadeblois haha, i meant the metaphorical online dating grinder lmao, not literally on Grinder ;)

[@Arash_Zare_Vet]

I thought girls enjoy dating apps a lot because they are bombarded with hundreds of messages and compliments with enormous choices every single day

[@murat9268]

They love the attention, but they get frustrated when they cannot get security. After some time they feel used and abused.

[@Trooperos90]

Have u redownloaded ?

[@leo.pro710]

i couldn't explain it better

[@tobiasjacobs2093]

Dating became nonsense longer ago. Both men and women just use it to hit up with someone they can use to their advantage. Best option if you are single is just to stay that way and just try to enjoy good things in life. I personally think social media ruined dating completely. The fakeness of it is insane.

[@BK-tp6jf]

avoid rings thought you were married , sometimes from afar rings make one look engaged or married

[@isojosi]

My sentiments exactly 😢❤

[@shaniadeblois]

Sadly, we are a lot to feel the same and experience similar situations… :(

[@joepic85]

Dating apps are just fine if the only people you swipe right on arent all Chads who wont commit or take you seriously

[@ThatkidwithCP]

I don't think it's healthy to make romantic decisions about most people based on text/a picture on a screen.

[@Thehabitualcultivator]

Thanks for sharing ❤

[@patricknichols4670]

I think it's normal to go on/off the dating apps...just as we take breaks from dating in general. It's easy to forget that results on those sites have no relationship to whether or not we are date-able. For what its worth, i think there's value in trying to take some little nugget of knowledge from each circumstance we get into

[@antonioruizmartos7060]

update please !

[@1deplatt]

Yeah. Dating apps are exhausting.

[@shaniadeblois]

I'm glad we agree on this! Thank you for sharing.

[@RobertA-hq3vz]

ah, yes, the I'll just take a break from dating stage. Then you blink and 10 years has passed. Dating is a pro-active activity. Unless you're one of the lucky ones you can't just expect the love of your life to just bump into you, and immediately recognize you as "the one". Dating apps are useless because people are getting rejected for superficial reasons, and without due deliberation. One moment of doubt, and its "NEXT!". The real question is why did you reject the people you met, and how long did it take you to reject them. Generally if you reject them after the first date because they were "ordinary" and you secretly see yourself as "extraordinary" then you're probably going die alone.

[@Refertoneee]

so funny/sad , women delete the app because they have too many options and they get tired of many dates, men delete the app for the opposite... zero attention and millions of ghosting,

[@shaniadeblois]

It’s not the dates I was tired of, it was the lack of honesty. Not the mention all the times I’ve been ghosted. It’s a common experience for both men and women in my opinion…

[@garyly3799]

Fuck these bullshit apps. It’s all about more genuine connections in life and throwing out all expectations. Yes, that’s hard but our time will come. God needs to make this shit happen. Fuck the haters that don’t love you. Love yourself first. This shit will happen when it’s meant to happen!

[@marissadower-morgan3313]

Buy a dog and go to the dog park ...

[@Bookstorewalla]

Always the guy's fault. :)

[@shaniadeblois]

I didn’t say it was. I’m talking from personal experience and how I’ve been disappointed in the dating scene in general. I think the biggest problem is generational and not gender based per say!

[@ryandeffley7652]

If I had to pick one thing I dislike on dating apps it'd be that women are way too goal oriented now. Every conversation seems like you're on a job interview. 😂 It was the subtle shift of "want a man but don't need one" that turned everything upside down. So now a woman has to grill men about their intentions and try to lead to get what she wants vs being vulnerable and needing a man's approval. This is why men are having a hard time investing emotionally in long term relationships and why sex is the main focus. It's the rare woman who can be feminine, submissive, and admit that she needs a man who gets commitment and a ring.

[@winconfig]

Woman complain about making bad matches. Men complain about not getting matches. This means woman are making the majority of bad decisions.

[@dameongreen3733]

Exactly

[@notimportant7495]

please don't delete your dating apps, we rely on women like you for consistently dependable nuts

[@shaniadeblois]

thanks for this insightful comment 🙃