Why I use timeouts to handle my toddler's tantrums

[@livjowen]

Hey everyone, Just wanted to clarify something about my approach: When I ask my kiddo if they're ready to be happy, I don't mean they can't feel other stuff. We all know kids have a rollercoaster of emotions, right? But when things get a bit out of hand, especially if someone's getting hurt, I give them a little time-out to chill. I say "happy and nice" because I want our home to be a happy, positive place where we all treat each other with love. It's like a little motto we have, not a strict rule. I figure every parent's got their own way of doing things, so use whatever words work best for you during those time-outs!

[@RandR746]

How would a child this young understand that? Just my personal opinion but I think a time out for not being nice is totally acceptable I would leave the happy part out of it personally.

[@missk7145]

Cameras would help UNLESS you can see older siblings are BEING happy and nice. Little ones cannot articulate this. So they may be learning to shove down injustice and being misunderstood and thus upset... But they learn smile works and not truth.

[@beateschmidtmentese432]

So findet schon Unterdrückung im kleinsten Kindesalter statt, ich erinnere sie daran das ihr Kind gerade dabei ist seine Gefühle mitzuteilen. So wird es nur Unterdrückung seiner Gefühle spüren. Holen Sie sich hilfe, damit ihr beide damit besser umgehen könnt..🌈💜💚🧡🩷

[@missk7145]

@@livjowen its so wonderful you CARE and LOVE your children and are trying to find and apply ways for them to adjust. You get it that you are nurturing and training them up to adapt to adulthood giving them KEYS. Kudos to all guardians who are desiring to grow and evolve so that we don't have repeats of past history that never helped in the longview of adjusting emotional overload.

[@PollyMm]

It's a nice way.. Maybe use Kind hands please.

[@luckyjaff855]

I loved his honest response ready to be happy? “No”😂

[@PaigePaige-qi5sg]

Precisely why she shouldn’t have forced it on him the hug stuff he wasn’t ready and that damages kids what happens when they get older and their husband And their husband or whatever situation someone’s abusive to them or whatever and then they’re like trying to apologize to you for being abusive to you and they say come on give me a hug. You don’t wanna hug that person like he’s a little boy still not saying that she was abusive and physical abuse, but just saying that that emotionally I don’t feel like she should’ve forced to hug on him, you can’t do that. It’ll make him resent it.

[@enieji9927]

😂😂😂

[@medhadeb2892]

Yeah, I felt him too. It's so tiring to change emotions.

[@MarjoleinPootjes]

Then you do not understabd the child, ghe has no choice, you have to be happy all the time:-((

[@eh1757]

Timeout for not being happy is concerning tbh

[@doulaolgamke]

I agree. It could have been for a different reason that we didn't see though and she just chose the wrong words.

[@adoreivette7373]

Hes obviously having a meltdown down or tantrum and time out was a way for him to calm down. Smh

[@Babyisthe_bestferret]

I agree but they were crying she should’ve talked to her child even tho he doesn’t understand.

[@CarolMungar-qg7wc]

She said he was having a temper tantrum. She calmly handled the situation, at his age telling him to calm down wouldn't have been understood. By getting him to sit down for 2 minutes until he does calm down was in my opinion the right way to handle this.

[@maryuhh89]

I mean I got in trouble for laughing... im. Nigerian though.. but still!

[@mzglo7588]

My then 18 month old son was throwing a tantrum in the car. I pulled over and asked him what i could do to help. He said, " Hold me." I held him. He has always been good at asking for what will help in a rough moment.

[@fzuma]

Great approach!

[@sashasabbeth6836]

What a beautiful response: "What can I do to help?"

[@patriciareed559]

I don't want my children to feel like they have repress their emotions all the time. I just want them to be able to calm down and tell me what they are thinking. So I ask them why they are not happy? What happened? Why? How can mommy help? As they get older the questions get more self directed like did that choice give you a good result? We can't change what's happened but how do you think we can do this better?

[@rreignbow]

Once I threw a tantrum in a car while travelling in another city so my parents almost threw me out of the car LOL 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@ShopandMorewithKimberlyNSantos]

Great approach ❤

[@nandiaconstantinou8181]

What the child has learned is that people abandon him when he is not happy.

[@weshasawi]

Isn’t that true though?

[@dianthav4912]

Yup

[@amandajohnson8116]

I agree. He doesn’t need to be happy to be around people but he should be polite and kind.

[@mariselamonterroza6882]

Don’t be so dramatic,

[@LaReganto]

Lol this is BS. It's 2 minutes. And I think of after 1 minute he ask for his mom she will come. It's very helpful to find a place quiet if you feel upset. It doesn't matter if your a child or an adult. She learned him a important lesson. To communicate clearly and if he feels sad it's not a problem to look for a quit place to calm down.

[@BLucky11]

Sometimes we need comfort and a hug when we're sad too 😢

[@sonalijoshi1370]

That’s what I give my son. Hugs if he wants hugs, space if he wants space. Only condition is don’t hurt yourself or others. You can scream if you feel angry or cry if you feel sad.

[@tl-ih8uk]

​@@sonalijoshi1370 is that the same in public? Grocery store, airplane? You would allow them to scream as long as they dont hit?

[@danielsmiley6573]

Yes, being punished for sad feelings is wrong. This woman has issues and she is not being there for her child in a normal way.

[@kayehardt4257]

I wish this didnt come up innmy feed. I dont know how I feel but definitely not my style.

[@piyumik9841]

I agreee... luv that... these ppl think they r right.. bt this is jst gonna traumatize the kid in future... very disappointed bt its jst my opinion

[@lovleylovexoxo]

It should be ok to feel sad, acknowledge it and let it pass

[@kateorwell7203]

The child had been throwing a tantrum, not just "feeling unhappy"

[@cheg-in3km]

⁠@@kateorwell7203that’s not even a tantrum, that’s a child wanting a hug and comfort from his mother.

[@anniedarden1873]

It's OK to feel sad sometime. But Mommy your infant wants a little attention and love. They are so young at this stage can't tell you what they need.😊

[@pinkosmondfan]

That's exactly what she is doing in this video. He was sad, it was acknowledged and now it's time to move on.

[@summerday1983]

​@@cheg-in3kmI agree. That's not a tantrum as I experienced them. He listens, he stands, he sits (and stays put!). That's very controlled behaviour, not a tantrum.

[@dianecnicholsontwinheartan9778]

I've seen many households that did not allow emotions other than happy and nice. Their therapists are very rich.

[@SoJangHo37]

Sometimes parents need a break from their kids tantrums,& it's good to leave your kid for a minute

[@amandajohnson8116]

@@SoJangHo37that much is understood, but telling him he must be nice to be around people probably isn’t good for him. You shouldn’t be shunned from the group because you’re not happy.

[@SoJangHo37]

@@amandajohnson8116 But this is done in conservative countries and she never suggested that

[@SimplyStacyL]

Imagine being forced to sit in a corner alone any time you felt an emotion other than happiness…

[@Sammy_Smiles94]

Why does this give the same vibes as my grandfather saying “you can have any emotion you want as long as it’s happy”

[@Zenlife1132]

It's always how you look at it.

[@KTKaute]

That's really bad

[@LeaksRepairswhenurplumbe-bn6xk]

​@@Zenlife1132no it's f'd up she's taking so long with a toddler who done forgot what all this is about and only focusing on his mom's anger issues, he's a toddler not 5 years old. .. huge difference. I have worked with many children and I'm telling you this creates a liar and anxiety issues

[@LeaksRepairswhenurplumbe-bn6xk]

He'll be holding onto his girlfriend arm and trying to force her to see things Thier way, and trying to isolate them ECT I'm fifty IV seen all kinds get grown and moms like this teach their children to not accept others feelings as well

[@Recoveringglam]

Amen

[@merisoltis5828]

Children need their feelings validated - they shouldn't be pressured to be happy or punished until they feel happy. I am a psychotherapist so I know what I'm talking about

[@violananyanja3804]

Yes i agree with you,

[@julieplanke2468]

Yeah this is wrong. It’s controlling. She is teaching her children to suppress their VALID negative emotions. I hope her kids have mental health care when they get older…

[@claudiaguimaraes2911]

Concordo.Esta mania de esconder as emoções e dizer que são negativas esta produzindo pessoas cada vez menos humanas e mais robos frios.Lidar com as emocoes de forma positiva aceitando e entendendo as mesmas e' o caminho.Não suprimir como esta mae fez.Discordo totamente desta postura que ela assumiu.

[@MorganeRainbird]

@@julieplanke2468if you had checked more her account you would have seen that she totally validated the feelings. I don’t think that time out is the good word here because it is usually told as a punishment, while here I see it more as « take time to calm down » because he needs process these strong feelings. On another video and other situation where the kid was crying I have seen her asking if he needed a hug and she assessed the feelings. I think this one is just a little piece of a whole process and we should not be too quick to tell parents are bad parents based on a 30 seconds video.

[@lmt6672]

Not at all he hit another one of the kids.. why would anyone want their kid to be ok with hitting.. ​@@julieplanke2468

[@kowalchukm]

“You ready to be happy?” Kid who doesn’t want to be left alone in the corner anymore “🥺yea” Such genuine happiness lol

[@mjey1]

Nah, kids don't need a lot at that age. It's about letting them sit with their emotions just enough. Then moving on with guidance. They are absorbing how to process and then carry on.

[@user-jl8mc8xf4r]

That's exactly what I was thinking. Poor sweet baby.

[@stricknitt0184]

​@@mjey1 She is letting im alone with his emotions and does not teach him, how to regulate himself. All she does is teaching him that he doen't belong or that he only belongs when behaving/feeling a certain way.

[@maddycrawford6300]

The question I have is he in the video it looks like she’s punishing them for being sad. I mean, I mean the question. I mean the question are you ready to be happy? Does that mean she’s just punishing them for being sad that’s just stupid nowhere in the video to say did something wrong oh she asked is are you ready to be happy? not being happy is not a punishable. Offense nowhere in the video did she say he did anything wrong? It looks like he’s just crying.

[@stricknitt0184]

@@maddycrawford6300 basicly yes. He anf his emotions don't fit in what she wants at that moment. And if he doesn't change, He get's punished in the form of social isolation. She does that on a regulat basis. A positive interpretation would be that she mixes up punishment with consequenzes, but sadly I don't think it's that easy...

[@natasajelic5460]

This heart my heart

[@mya2541]

omg of course she loves and supports him either way what a weird comment

[@samn2695]

1. U should teach him it’s okay to feel sad. 2. U shouldn’t be filming urself disciplining ur children.

[@Babyisthe_bestferret]

But she was helping him not disciplining her child.and she basically was saying it’s ok. She probably wants other moms to know instead of standing there.

[@user-mr2ew1nz7x]

Bruh leave her alone it’s a way to show other parents a way to discipline their children without hurting them

[@ranyadhellecabahug845]

That's what I thought too. I mean, unless they're licensed ,then it's just a bit of a show off and a bit exploiting too.

[@lizi.2503]

I’m sure grabbing him by the arms like that has got to be a little uncomfortable on the shoulder joints.

[@raspberrykissable]

@@user-mr2ew1nz7xat the expense of her child? Smart.

[@ericagrenier8300]

This is weird in so many ways. Why people put their kids online is completely insane to me. Poor boy

[@shiwan45]

Then leave

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

​@@shiwan45Yeah, there are a lot of people without souls like you.

[@shiwan45]

@@oOIIIMIIIOo 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ericagrenier8300]

@@shiwan45 are you okay?

[@shiwan45]

@@ericagrenier8300 🤪🤪🤪🤪

[@BDOKV]

“When you’re down, I will push you down even more!” - Lesson to be learned by the parent - People will not always be happy, and you should never punish someone for feeling sad/unhappy emotions, that’s a double whammy.

[@natabulous6429]

Yasss

[@natabulous6429]

As someone who wasnt allowed to have feelings arpund my parents... This hurts me, makes me cry inside Your child can have his feelings If you're overwhelmed you take a min to yourslef If others are getting hurt, seperate Make sure the hurt kid if ok Then help the other get thier 'mad' OUT of them, let them express it SAFTLEY They can punch a pillow, push a wall with two hands, do a shake dance ect.. My heart hurts seeing emotion being shut down

[@valentinaapuzan3316]

Почему ваш ребёнок постоянно так сильно рыдает?

[@natabulous6429]

@@valentinaapuzan3316 потому что ему не когда не разрешают плакать, и это накапливается

[@rachelfard1744]

Exactly ❤

[@pinkosmondfan]

When did you see his emotions being shut down? He said he was not ready to be happy and she accepted it.

[@Melisse888]

@@pinkosmondfan she didn't "accept" it, instead the child was left alone until his feelings were appropriate for mom.

[@pflanzinatorin5872]

My parents did this to me and now can't controll my anger, because i never learned how to. I learned that i need to behave good and be happy all the time to be accepted and to be a part of the family. Being angry meant that i had to stay in a room by myselt until i behaved nice and calm again. As an adult this behaviour still affects me.

[@valentinacabreraungo3369]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. And that could've gone even worse. Total lack of empathy. This video creeped me out. She is giving me very narc vibes

[@HopeGardner3amed]

I feel this except I feel this was how anxiety was treated. I also don't know how to regulate my anxiety in a healthy way because if I panicked I was sent to the powder room for time out.

[@Lala1234love]

Well don’t be selfish that’s the right way otherwise you are going to be a sickness to your parents or the society who has to deal with you. If you’re still angry talk to God the almighty he will fix what humans can’t.

[@Lala1234love]

@@valentinacabreraungo3369you need to learn more about child development. Because you think it’s healthy to scream at people. Instead of finding a way to be calm. Being angry is one of the main reasons to have heart attacks and so many health problems. So think twice

[@valentinacabreraungo3369]

​@@Lala1234loveyou need development 😂. Where did I say it's ok to yell at kids?

[@Celeste-dp5ur]

The message is "only happy and nice is acceptable to me" What would be wrong with comforting him while he's allowed to sit with the angry or sad feelings and learn that they pass on their own. As he grows up he then won't start stifling any 'unacceptable' anger/sadness/fear, potentially avoiding substance abuse or other destructive distraction mechanisms

[@tbd419]

I feel the same as others. Your children are being taught that they will get love only if they are happy and nice.

[@wamz9191]

It's not that serious

[@maran1507]

I actually loved this comment. Well said. 👏🏻👏🏻

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

Thank you❤

[@ellietaylor9938]

@@wamz9191it is when your kid grows up and swallows their feelings because mom taught them it’s only ok to be happy and nice.

[@moorenicola6264]

Filming your kids when theyre upset and uploading videos without their consent is abuse! Children have a right to privacy especially in their own home. They're her cash cow. It's disgusting. Also I've heard several child psychologists say making your child sit on the naughty step or time outs can be very damaging. You're literally isolating them when they're upset and vulnerable. You cannot treat a child's brain and emotions like an adult's.

[@cooperk7671]

I agree, personally it’s better that you spoil your child in love and focus on making them happy and need to hug them and give them a candy when they’re upset. They’re just reaching out to you and this mother is being a jerk by filming. Personally I might consider calling the police on her. She obviously is not being a good parent. Her job is to her kids in love and make them happy. I completely agree with you. (:

[@coyotedeity]

Kindly note, they are reaching us also how to parent and there's no harm coming to those kids

[@cooperk7671]

@@coyotedeity she is a great parent mostly and she is pretty leniant and well off (: . It’s just in this video it’s not good to put a person who is in emotional distress on a hard floor alone. I would’ve preferred she do the other things she did in the other videos like hug him and reassure him and give him miracles he deserves. On the television show the Orville, I remember Captain Ed Mercer always supported his crew and they never let someone be upset for the most part. (:

[@mariacelestebustillobarraz3583]

HUG him! And you find YOUR ways to be happy.

[@themeatlessmama]

"It's ok to be sad. I'll stay with you for as long as you need." There I fixed it.

[@Lumin1116]

Thank you. Exactly what is wrong with this. Expecting a baby to have any sort of control or ability to manage their emotions. They dont. We need to be with them in it and go through it. Comfort. Then teach.

[@bronwynmorgan7606]

I think it depends on the parent and the context of the tantrum. We’ve only seen this part of the tantrum and not what came before. She has other videos where she hugs and comforts. But she knows the situation best because she is the parent. Good job Mum! 😊♥️👍

[@user-kk7zf6pt4c]

EXACTLY

[@user-cx6lk2rg9b]

🎉🎉🎉

[@abbybanks7231]

It's ok to be sad, what if he hit someone. Or was being a brat. The time out was a mild punishment, because she also console's her children when needed. I don't think you fixed anything.

[@soellenice4184]

and that’s why our entire generation needs therapy.. yayy congratulations for absolutely NOT breaking this cycle

[@gulnarajafarova7935]

You are so right. The next generation will be the same. When I watch what she is doing, my heart is aching.

[@Samara-er9we]

If he doesn't wanna be happy he doesn't have to. It's important to sit in the emotion for as long as he wants. It's important...

[@randilevson9547]

But this is inconvenient for his mother, right?

[@travelingart]

Something I always do with children to help them understand their actions deeper instead of just hearing it from adults is asking them how they feel about what they did and how they think the person they hurt feels about it. It takes time for them to be able to grasp those thoughts but it’s great for them to start that process!

[@brynne77]

Good idea!

[@MyAssefa]

So if he doesn’t feel a certain way, he hast to go sit in time out until he faked it for you ?????

[@DC-nw3uc]

lol.. clearly you don't understand what's going on. Kids that age can't fake their feelings. But they can calm down and gain a level of control over them. This gives them a chance to do that.

[@jessicacabrera1536]

Literally was looking for someone saying this. That is what this is teaching the child.

[@fireheartandsapphire]

​@@jessicacabrera1536yup exactly!! I agree with timeouts, but they are literally just to self-soothe. I do not agree with the whole happy and nice thing. It's just until they calm down, they can be sad and not acting psycho and they can come out and show their true feelings. I hate the whole happy and nice thing. Sometimes being nice involves being sad for somebody who lost a loved onw, or being angry for an injustice. Being happy and being nice have nothing to do with each other. The whole fake a smile is an ABA thing made by a psycho named Ivar Lovaas. It's draining too. Kid is in survival mode all day and then they burn out. Don't mentally torment your kid.

[@fireheartandsapphire]

​@DC-nw3uc yes they can when it's taught. It's called ABA, and kids commit suicide from it. Henny Kuprestein did a study on it. The autism child faking neurotypical for you. It's evil!!

[@KTKaute]

​​@@DC-nw3ucYes they can understand. They remember things like this. I did and I have BPD so be careful how you deal with children. The better way of putting it is not to talk about the emotions but rather the behaviour. Separate the behaviour from the emotions. Its okay to feel sad and angry, but it's not okay to act violently on them. You should teach kids how to get their negative emotions out in a healthy way

[@DreamyGirl73]

Imagine doing this to an adult... "Hey babe, i had such a tough day at work. I'm feeling ao frustrated"... "Well, it's time to be happy and nice!! Are you ready to be happy?" 😑😑😑

[@that-weirdogirl]

You equate a toddler processing emotions that he’s only used to feeling for a few years to a fully-grown adult with a job coming home to their partner to confide about their day? Sounds about right.

[@paulamarie43]

This is not gonna lead to a child with healthy attachment . Believe me I’ve been a mom for 35 years. You may be alienating yourself from him permanently in the future. Let’s see how happy YOU are then sweetie.

[@MsJoyce31202]

An adult wouldn't do that they'd tell how they felt. Or hold it in and go away, or yell, etc.

[@lisa3341]

​@@that-weirdogirl Dont expect more from a child than from an adult

[@amandajohnson8116]

@@lisa3341it’s sending a negative message.

[@robi7860]

Baby's don't need time outs they need love.

[@cheg-in3km]

Great way to teach your child that when he is feeling vulnerable, his mother will leave him all alone to figure it out! Good job momma!!

[@ghadeern6937]

No it’s not you destroying him

[@AxaTheAxolotle]

@@ghadeern6937 im pretty sure the person was being sarcastic

[@nafisasoosiwala3257]

When all he needed in da first place was a hug...we all need a hug wen we are sad

[@lifeisstillrad9296]

SO MICH THIS. A TIME OUT won’t build anything, but feeling alone when he needs support to be shown how to recentre himself.

[@63dkw]

Learning gentle self regulation is far more important, otherwise you end up with adults who have tantrums and expect it to be acceptable.

[@robynstewardson]

​@lifeisstillrad9296 totally! The 'behaviour' was because he had a need that wasn't being met! Removing yourself when he needed you most is tantamount to abuse. 😢

[@gaylalewis2344]

Ok but if the dude is sad because he didn't get a cookie or because he has to clean up his toys, he needs a time out. This method is appropriate for his age, when the majority of things that make him sad are things he going to have to learn how to cope with as a part of life. Now if he's sad because his sister popped him the mouth, or his dad left home, that's a whole different ballgame requiring different parenting methods. This mom knows that, I'm willing to bet.

[@Batya-Grace]

@@63dkw… This method is actually doing the opposite of helping him regulate. It’s teaching him to hold everything inside until he explodes.

[@antinatalistwitch111]

He does not NEED to be happy. He needs to express his feelings in a healthy way and verbalize how he is feeling. Wtf type of brainwashing programming is this?!?!?! You will teach him to fake his happiness.

[@Tacs1969]

True, let him feel what he is feeling, don't tell them what they are supposed to feel because it is a process, it's natural for them to feel bad and emotional because that's what's time out is to them a punishment . whether you agree or not.

[@csr.khrystyl]

She didn't try to force happiness on him. She even asked if he's ready. The toddler answered "no" and she accepted it. That's why she let him be for a moment. You can see that when she came back after some time, the toddler already had a different emotion. He looks calmer, meaning he's more ready to be okay again or be happy. That's when she gave him a comforting hug and he accepted it. It showed that she allowed her child to process his emotions on his own and clearly no manipulation happened.

[@SweetPoisonvich]

Do you have kids? When they are like that there's no way of them expressing feelings is just alot of crying and you are unable to understand what they are saying 🤷🏽‍♀️ they need to calm down so they can explain

[@justme8841]

​@@csr.khrystyl still not good. You just don't say that you need the child to be happy. Its just terrible

[@h.nicolejorgensen2077]

This child will grow up confused about why their feelings are being denied. Leave out the happy part. This is cruel 😢 You shouldn’t be punished for having contrary feelings.

[@lynnhester8211]

Need to be reported to Social Services. There is no telling what else is going on in that house.

[@Fanny-hs6un]

I am from Germany, and wonder about this whole time-out thing, we simply do not use it here as much. Tbh, I truly believe this child is far too young to be disciplined .. and for what?? His brain does not even have the capacity to handle strong emotion yet. On top of that, he is left alone for two minutes.. I find that ridiculous and heartbreaking. Truly, what is the Science behind this?

[@user-pz4jk9tb7d]

I’m from the states and I wouldn’t do this to my children. It hurt my heart that he has to pretend to be happy to please his mother or be left to be sad alone. Imagine how confusing that is to him.

[@radhika1970]

Agree with you, you do not leave a young child to self-regulate in a corner...it should be a comforting place, not punishing.

[@sumanrao1739]

You are absolutely right. This child needs something new to be taught or to play. That's all. Punishment is so mean and will leave scars

[@carlathomas6257]

​@@sumanrao1739I'm not sure then,how you tech consequences for actions responsibility,and owning mistakes if there is not some kind of punishment...but not at this age.

[@corinnefugal6967]

A proper timeout is removing the child from the situation to provide an environment or they can better self regulate. However, the parent is supposed to stay with them and help them regulate. Leaving a two-year-old to cry alone only teaches him that he is an intolerable person, unless he does what they want. It creates attachment issues and people pleasing behaviors. It is not healthy, emotionally, mentally, or physically for the child. It’s an old parenting technique based on compliant outcomes, rather than what we are learning about early trauma in children.

[@m.m.4565]

That would make me learn one thing: people will leave you when youre showing any other emotion than being happy, even those who "love" you.

[@saltandpepper986]

Yep. 💔

[@kathrineprice8368]

Not just people, but the most important person in your life, the one you depend on for everything. This is so heart breaking.

[@dewidewi1204]

Nope. The child is tantrum, his mom teaches him to calm him self. That's good.

[@Cali12-21]

Yep. Dismissive avoidant in the making. 😢

[@Rise-and-Shine333]

Yes exactly. She’s programming him to just please others and not consider his own feelings. This is how people pleasers are created

[@user-nc4rm8iv8j]

He just needs a hug. He is tired and cranky. We all get that. This was overbearing and too rational for such a young child.

[@ceecee824]

Can you imagine being told “are you ready to be happy”? As if being sad, upset or any other emotion is not validated. He is feeling those feelings, which he does not understand as of yet, and instead of comforting him, while talking him through it, you are dismissing them.

[@angiejohnrc2627]

I prefer to tell my two young children they are loved with every emotion they have. The only rule is we don’t hurt people or things. I encourage to have them identify their need for space to deal with big feelings.

[@saltandpepper986]

❤❤❤

[@kitsmith806]

@angiejohnrc2627. 👏🏾👍🏾💯❤️ I agree with you, that's a great approach 👍🏾

[@keriissovery9566]

You’re right but what about when they’re constantly crying or whining? Kids do this when they don’t get everything they want.

[@ralucauk]

In other words, if he has big emotions you don’t like, he is not welcome in your presence. Only when he behaves how you want him to behave he is welcome by you. Hmmm….

[@livjowen]

Nope. Definitely not the message. There are no "other words". The words are : "If you're mad and upset and acting outside of acceptable boundaries, you can take a moment to handle your emotions privately and safely". It teaches children how to manage their emotions and function in society.

[@sophiepoppet5673]

@@livjowen this is a correct strategy when the child is older. You must tailor your response to the age of the child. At such a young age, he needs to have his emotions validated and accepted first. You are wanting him to express his emotions in quiet and private, and then come out when he’s ready. This will only teach him that the people around him will not allow him to express himself and he should do this in private and he will bottle it up in front of others. I know you mean well, but the lifelong implications for this child will be harmful. Please seek some guidance from a professional and not all professionals are equal so choose wisely

[@iagreewithyou3478]

​@@livjowen You think a child that young can understand that in that way? Lol That's what you intend but it doesn't come across that way. "Are you ready to be happy?" Who tf came up with that?!

[@user-pz4jk9tb7d]

@@livjowen it seems you have very little understanding of child development and where you me son is at according to his age. 1) you’re expecting too much, 2) you’re demanding he be happy or he’s punished. You may have good intent but this is not how you teach emotional regulation or giving him a safe space.

[@cathymorley9273]

We didn't see the first part. Why was he crying? Not fair to judge without the full story.

[@gloriabort2879]

Children needs a lot of love and hugs ❤❤❤

[@MichelleMC6067]

Bless his heart ❤

[@PrplMunkys]

This hurts my heart. This poor boy will grow up thinking that the only way his mother will talk to him is if he's happy. I grew up feeling like I always had to put on a brave face and be happy even when I wasn't. Even now I'm afraid to talk to my parents about my feelings and it shows in how I talk to others as well. I really hope you teach your kids that it's ok to have feelings of anger, frustration, sadness and everything that comes along with that. The objective should be how we teach out kids to regulate their emotions. Please, he's only 2. You can still work on this and improve. We're not even talking about discipline here, which I know you're trying to defend in the comments, it's about how we communicate to our children and how we want them to communicate with us.

[@theriddlerUSA]

Same.

[@lulazeta8965]

Thanks for taking the time to explain it for the sake of the baby

[@MahesvariMustika]

Agree

[@quiinzhive2774]

Totally agree. Happy is not the only emotion he should be in. Teach your children that they’re crying because they’re tired, or that what they feel inside is anger and pain and that it’s okay to cry it out. Sit with them while they cry and explain what they’re feeling. Not isolate them wtf.

[@StormyMonday0896]

As a child I was punished for crying. My crying was due to two things: frustration and being punished. All I really wanted was a hug. Took me a long time to deal with this and I don't associate with my parents.

[@user-qr4rt1th9t]

I wonder how he can grow to tell mommy his honest feelings.

[@linza2345]

okay, I had enough of all the comments saying- why cant he have emotions etc. its not like he got hurt and fell and is crying. The mom is teaching her son to controll his emotions and thats a very good thing. So I think in 10 years this child is NOT going to visit a therapist and will NOT whine about every little thing. I think we would have way less people with depression if everyone teach their children like that.

[@MsLally5]

that is not a tantrum. That is a sad child who just needed a hug and one-on-one time.

[@valentinacabreraungo3369]

OMG this is horrible." If you can't be happy mommy is leaving you until you stop showing your emotions* and her voice tone. So creepy. You ready to be happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? And when the baby say yes, she starts supporting him. Que horror

[@LouiseMacleay]

Exactly. Let him feel his emotions. Do you like being forced to be happy knowing you won't be loved I'd you show how you are really feeling??

[@Tiquica88]

How about just staying with him and comforting him until he feels better. Emotions can be big and scary especially for little kids, we all have to learn how to deal with them.

[@saltandpepper986]

💯🙌💚

[@j_the_uchiha5301]

True, but you won't always be able to be with ur kid every time they're feeling big emotions. This is teaching them how to step away and regulate their own emotions. If you are with them the whole time, they'll learn to rely only on you every time they feel big emotions, and that's how attachment and other issues can occur. It's a different story if they are hurt, but if they're upset bc a no or fighting its best to time out and step away.

[@fatimakhan3298]

​@@j_the_uchiha5301being with them at this age will help them regulate their emotions when they're older. At this young age you teach them that you're always there for them so that when they're older and can understand better, they can then deal with things better because you were always with them when they were younger and needed you the most.

[@bridgetter9046]

@@j_the_uchiha5301 Attachment is what you want. It’s the goal. There are going to be enough unavoidable times where mom isn’t there to comfort the child. But when it is avoidable, leaving an upset child alone should be avoided. I’ve studied infant and child mental health at the university level, and the science does not support the idea that kids will become too reliant on caregivers for comfort if attachment is secure. Quite the opposite. When attachment is secure, children’s brains become free to learn self-regulation, and they do. When children are left upset and alone, it contributes to the development of insecure attachment styles, and that’s really where we see issues with prolonged reliance on the caregiver to calm them down.

[@j_the_uchiha5301]

Yes, but in this specific scenario, the child is in time out. She doesn't explain why he threw the tantrum but assuming the child is in the wrong. It's better to give them space to regulate their emotions and think about what the parent is saying. And then provide the physical comfort after the time out and talk. There should be a healthy balance of both. Let's say whenever a child is upset or frustrated the parent just picks them up and coddles them every single time, the child will expect the parent to be with them whenever they are upset and won't know what to do with themselves if the parent isn't there. I work in childcare, and I notice patterns of children that parents are always coddling at the slightest emotion, and the child suffers when the parent has to leave and are absolutely unconsolable, this is unhealthy attachment. Whereas children who have healthy attachment struggle a lot less with this issue. sure, they'll still miss their parents, but you can talk to them and explain the situation and distract. It also depends on the child bc every child is different, but I do believe giving space and giving guidance through emotions is the best way to help them in the long run.

[@andyganzegal]

Here I an, a Baby learning that unconditional love is not for me. I am loved when I am happy and nice, and need to suppress other feelings.

[@kimcheek8027]

This child is way too young for time out! The mother is completely denying the child’s emotions of frustration, hunger, sadness, etc…

[@sparkleplenty59]

I question the toddlers ‘hug’. He still wasn't sure what went on. ❤

[@PaigePaige-qi5sg]

And she forces him to hug her okay give me hug wtf is that she is teaching him to be submissive to punishment what if he gets abused does he have to hug the abuser just saying I’m not in any way saying she abuses him just this type of teaching gives the wrong message he doesn’t have to hug or kiss her to learn a lesson and further more I think k he is just tired and when kids or adults are tired we are not slwats responsible for our enotions

[@PaigePaige-qi5sg]

Exactly you are so smart

[@CH-qc9wv]

exactly. i think all he understood is that in order to not be abandoned he has to comply. scary

[@PaigePaige-qi5sg]

That’s right girl he didn’t know he’s too young and when you force anyone to hug you, that is the worst thing you can do. I don’t care if it’s a child and adult doesn’t matter you should allow them their space and when they’re ready, it’s like the mother hug not the child, she’s the one that wanted the hug and I don’t care what she says in her description about about their comments and how she disciplines her child and don’t bring it to the social media because we’re gonna say something. What a goofball she is.

[@Paksarzami]

He needs to hug you....he needs to be calmed by listening to your heartbeat....to have the same feeling he had in your womb. He is not an animal to tame

[@beebern6869]

I would be furious if, instead of trying to understand why i am upset, someone asked me "Are you ready to be happy?" It almost sound like he has no right to be upset. There is no validation of what he is feeling. At this age researchers believe it is better to help the child understand his emotions and help him express these feelings the appropriate way.

[@jessicao1822]

Remember little guy, people only love you when you're happy and nice

[@dianehewitt6921]

I would be mad at my mother for putting my behaviours on line for the world to see. I wonder if children will sue their parents in years to come how long do children get 20 years to decide

[@veronicabridget6631]

Is it your child? Na you born the Child Abeg be calming down

[@wilbro61able]

This is a tantrum? Lol....i feel sorry for this little guy. Only loved when he 's pleasant and pleasing....

[@janicenuku9282]

Find out what he is upset about..and give him a cuddle to assure him you want to comfort him..❤

[@swatigupta6480]

Kids should be comforted rather than disciplined without parents making a fuss about it.

[@gabrielarad6188]

Emotional regulation is taught by coregulation. The adult (parent of carer) should help the child calm their big feelings by soothing him first e.g Hugs, gentle strokes, kisses. Once the child regains emotional balance you can then use the tantrum as a learning opportunity. Connecting first before redirecting, this looks like validating emotions and then setting limits around behaviour e.g it's ok to be angry, sad, scared... where did you feel that in your body? ...but its not okay to hit, bite ect. Then you can discuss what the child could do instead. In the example depicted the child is very young, tantrums are developmentally appropriate. We should really expect them, as childrens brains lack the ability to regulate their own emotions. They only begin to understand this after the age of 5. Parents should be accepting of all emotions in their children its the behaviour that requiers redirection. Mum means well but could benefit from learning about emotional coaching and child brain development.

[@sophiepoppet5673]

100% agree. She should’ve let the child express his emotions first. It seems like there was some suppression and that’s gonna cause problems later on in life if it continues

[@Smitty.Werben]

And who knows what happened after the video cut. Before she came back. Have you seen some of her other videos..

[@someday7868]

​@@Smitty.Werben This is what Gabriel is saying...these steps of validation were not shown... therefore what she is showing may cause emotional harm and confusion for a child at different developmental stages. If she didn't do this b4 or after her video, this will help her & other viewers. If she did, but didn't show it (which doesn't seem to be the case), this can still help other viewers. Validate the child, soothe them...make them feel safe, there isn't any acknowledgment of other emotions than happy and nice. Then she only says I love you after he agrees he's happy. He may never feel that any other emotion matters or that it's ok to have different emotions.

[@melissafischer5892]

Growing up if I showed emotion, cried, I would be sent to my room until I was “happy”. I never learned how to express my emotions and I internalize everything and it made me hate myself to the point that I eventually turned to self harm. Leaving a kid to deal with their emotions when they have no idea how to do it, is a great disservice to them. This teaches kids that people don’t wanna deal with them unless they are happy. That is conditional love and so damaging to a young brain. It’s not always about getting the behaviour that you want, it’s teaching them skills so they can handle things themselves more and you’ll deal with less tantrums if your child knows how to regulate their emotions.

[@workshop3301]

You said it!

[@ana_cover9118]

Thank you... ❤ same memory about that ...

[@kellygueli4970]

Some research is showing an increase in mental health issues because of all this feeling stuff. Ue parents did right

[@aniabanania7874]

Very well said!!

[@chereeelliott7474]

I agree I am guilty of using the time out method with my own children as promoted by super nan at the time . Although I did word it different but I have seen the impact on my adult daughter who does not show emotion even at tragic events and uses food to surpress emotions. I now know that helping children to regulate their emotions and reassure that its ok to have these feelings. I came from a parent that was emotionally unavailable and was told I was mardy when I showed emotions. Unfortunately I listened to the wrong advice and I had no template to go from. My only advice is to model how to handle big emotions all emotions. The child needed his emotions validated not judged, sorry sometimes we don't know but when we know we can do better

[@blueviolets52]

It is normal to feel sad sometimes. She should be helping her child FEEL happy.

[@paulan6914]

Why is he punished if he is unhappy? Is being unhappy forbidden? The message is: I only love you when you are happy.

[@Kat_288]

Isolating your child, telling them they can't be sad and must be happy and denying them comfort are exactly what you're NOT supposed to do... unless your main goal is to raise a human that completely lacks emotional regulation.

[@joycemarie9702]

This child is too young to be treated the way this mother tree treats him. Another Ruby Franke! This channel is sickening!

[@pinkosmondfan]

Good thing she wasn't doing any of those things, then. She never said he couldn't be sad, and she gave him nothing but comfort and assurance. Did we watch the same video? This is how a child learns to regulate emotions. Being taught.

[@Kat_288]

​@pinkosmondfan "If you can't be happy and nice, then you have to sit down in time out". She has given no understanding towards his feelings nor given him hugs or tried helping him feel and understand what he is feeling. He was told to sit alone until he was over his upset; he was isolated until he stopped being sad. The only love and comfort she gave came AFTER he gave her what she wanted. None of what she did is good for learning emotional regulation. All she has done here is teach him that he will be punished and isolated anytime he is anything other than "happy and nice". She has given him no skills for working through anger, frustration or sadness and instead has told him that she doesn't want to be around him when he has negative feelings. I have done many courses on tantrums/emotional regulation through a mom group I attend (5 different 8 class courses plus many different guest speakers on these topics) and she has done exactly what every single course/guest speaker has told us NOT to do. Circle of Security is a great course that well explains why everything she did is incorrect and harmful.

[@caseymarion2494]

Horribly toxic parenting - exactly what NOT to do

[@ghadeern6937]

Thank u … those parents have a mental illness

[@user-mn7wh1ly2y]

This mom nails it. Such a good way to show this child how he will get what he wants if he behaves.

[@DawnshieId]

I remember being in time-out as a kid. I never thought about what I did (which most of the time wasn't even immoral, it just pissed my parents off). What I thought about was how to emotionally detach from my parents and trust them less. Looking back on it as an adult, I can confirm that yep, my 5-year-old crying self was right all along. He knew a truth that this world too often forgets: just because someone's weaker, doesn't mean they deserve to be the one who loses and suffers. To this day I am a very loving and caring person, not because of punishment, but in spite of it. My parents were wrong all along. They said that when I'm grown up I'll understand. Here I am, and one thing I sure understand: they were wrong all along. I was right. Amazing.

[@tashafurian2146]

I'm a clinical psychologist and I'm sorry but this is wrong on so many levels. I understand you have good intentions and I don't mean to be hating on anyone, but this is just not a good approach

[@shae9364]

Thank you. Yep.

[@Katy_Bug89]

Amen.

[@maryem8263]

Well criticizing without a suggestion isn’t a good approach either…

[@Pandabear111]

Thanks, I agree

[@nicoobrowner59]

I agree doctor. So what would be a good approach?

[@tinalouise4327]

😂😂😂ridiculous! He doesn’t remotely understand 😂😂😂 He probably needed loving arms and a nap

[@8806Erika]

How does he not understand??? Do you have children????? Lmao that sounds crazy. This kid clearly understands and she's teaching him discipline and also how to comfort himself and regulate his emotions. That is IMPORTANT in development and will make all the difference in the child's adolescence. She's doing the right thing 1000 percent...idk about filming it...everything isn't for the internet but that's also her prerogative

[@noeliaorellana320]

Let me ask you something because I have three children, a teenager, an eight-year-old and a three-year-old, and I have never put one of them in timeout to teach them how to regulate. You don’t isolate a child in timeout and leave them by themselves, and think that that’s gonna help them regularly or deal with their emotions when they don’t have the tools to. As a parent need to show them with examples, emphasize with what their feelings, give it a name, so they know what it is and that there’s nothing wrong with feeling angry or frustrated. Accompany them in those feelings and let them know that it’s safe and that they’re safe with you to feel those feelings. Because we’re not gonna feel happiness and joyfulness 24 hours of the day seven days a week every second of the day. I’m sure that you have not in your lifetime felt joy happiness every second of the day. So, although I’m sure there’s good intention her approach this doesn’t work she’s creating an anxious child who is never going to feel safe having a heavy feeling around her because around her he needs to be joyful and happy all the time or get put in a corner by themselves.

[@kimboksi]

It works Just asked or tell the reason why he is getting the time out

[@8806Erika]

@noeliaorellana320 🤣🤣🤣 your kids probably bad af 💀 what do you use for discipline?? 👀

[@rebeccae9311]

This is nice and gentle parenting but I also feel like he’s entitled to not be happy if he chooses at the moment. He can’t fully communicate why he’s not happy so I don’t think he should be punished, albeit gently, for not being happy.

[@aminaahmed4256]

It's ok. He just needs a hug and kisses and snuggling.

[@shoshox]

Ughhh, Internet mums and dad telling parents what should work for their family when in reality they have children that they can not manage at home. Anywaus well done mum, i use the word calm whlith my son, just like you i would like to have a calm and positive home! You rock!!

[@erikabridges2030]

Hi Olivia, I’ve watched a number of your videos and you are clearly a loving mother striving to do her best for her children. Kudos to you. I do agree with many of the constructive comments here that the approach seems more oriented at addressing and training his behavior, not getting at the heart of helping him understand his emotions. Perhaps you are familiar with a book by Dr. John Gottman called “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child”. It’s excellent for addressing these sorts of situations in a way that teaches the child emotional awareness.

[@corinnefugal6967]

So the parent is dictating what a child should be feeling, and when…or else we will isolate you, to deal with it alone. “You can’t be with us unless you behave the way that is comfortable for us.” Fast forward 18 years….”Why are you acting like this? I just don’t understand why you don’t know how to work through strong emotions!” Welcome to my childhood and a CPTSD diagnosis.

[@johnjoseph9929]

This kid needs a Mum who is ready to be happy.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

This is child abuse. Every human has the right to be upset. Are you going to raise an abuser? 🤔

[@justaquariums4095]

They don't need time out. They needs hugs. Lots of hugs. ❤❤❤

[@JesusDiedForYou-7]

Wrong. That’s what is wrong with the world. Time outs are important too.

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

10000000000% thank you!

[@kellymcfalls1458]

@@JesusDiedForYou-7WRONG ! Yes kids have emotions too but they need to learn to control them ! They don’t need time out they need a spanking!

[@fireheartandsapphire]

@kellymcfalls1458 They need time out for calming down, pandyings are for discipline. Two different things. Taking away privleges and spanking are both discipline, same thing. Time out isn't. Time out is to calm them down and have them practice skills.

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

@lucienova8247 just really hope you haven't got any

[@annlazaroff5388]

Children that age have very intense emotions and are too young to deal with them in isolation. It would have been better for her to sit with him, hold him, and coregulate his nervous system until it was re-regulated, speaking in a soothing voice and naming his emotions (name them to take them). Based on the newest research on Interpersonal Neurobiology (check out any of the books by Dan Siegel, MD, Professor of psychiatry at UCLA), THAT is how children learn to regulate their own emotions. Time outs for toddlers are ineffective in the long run. They don’t learn how to manage their emotions that way, they learn to STUFF them so that they can maintain proximity to their caregiver. And buried feelings never die. They become toxic and cause both physical and emotional health issues over time.

[@charlotte5372]

Spot on! Well put😊

[@pollackvygotsk8205]

Agree completely. As an early childhood educator, I would help a child label and talk through their negative feelings/situation that caused it when they are calmer. I would not leave a child alone while they are crying/feeling big emotions. They would feel worse. All young children seek affirmation from trusting adults. Physically being present shows them we will be there for them even if they are sad.

[@TonyToad22]

Very good point! I've been ambivalente about timeouts but your comment puts that to rest. Thanks for the insight and book info. 👍

[@jacquelinerodriguez3213]

💯 exactly right!

[@amylouise9853]

Hear hear 👏🏻

[@vanessareed8712]

I have a problem with the phrase, "If you can't be happy and nice you need to sit in time out." A child should never be given the idea that they are receiving a consequence for "not being happy." Correct behavior/choices, not emotion. Our kids need to learn how to feel an emotion, yet still make good choices.

[@dabada9541]

I work at a daycare and according to my educated collegues this is considerd to be child abuse

[@sumanrao1739]

Disciplining such a small baby boy is crazy. You will end up with a repressed child. He needs space to express himself.

[@BreaMichelle3]

Imagine you crying bc your husband did something to hurt your feelings and instead of listening, he just tells you “you need to be happy only”

[@ronniek.6393]

Or put you in the timeout corner.

[@anissaboudaa2186]

It's so stupid what she did. He is a child not an adult 😅 and i don't understand why she tell him to be happy. Being happy or sad, angry iss not a choice 😂😂😂😂 it's normal to be angry and cry

[@natabulous6429]

Yessssss good point 👈

[@ruthurajendra3289]

Bruh clearly ur mentally disturbed

[@kellychapman8095]

I've now watched more of your videos and your sick. I will definitely be watching for you in the news bc you truly have a strong Ruby Franke vibe. Your poor children, one day you won't ever be able to force happy and nice smiles or hugs!!!!😢😢😢😢😢😢

[@eceyeffekt]

that makes me sad intuitively:( especially when they‘re sad they should be getting love and attention

[@ryannadarst1524]

We shouldn’t abandon our children when they have big feelings. This is sad. “I’m gonna come back and get you when you’re happy” 🥴children should be accepted with ALL emotions, not just happiness.

[@evansmungai6384]

She is a trained expert You are the one who does it wrong and thinks you are right

[@girlywhirly4971]

Yes and he was self soothing by sucking his thumb and holding his shirt. That is cruel for such a little one to have to deal with abandonment issues so early in life causes trust issues.

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

When we tell children when they're unloved when unhappy and mummy loves them when they're ready to be happy we grow dissmisive avoidants and fearfull avoidants. They are not allowed to own their emotions. They supress their emotions down to make themselves happy so mummy loves them again. That stays with them forever :(

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

Thank you for that input. It makes me very sad to see how many people agree on rejecting because they're upset. I would have thought that parents are little more aware in this time and age 😔

[@pawemaliszewski9324]

I know girls like you think actions don't have consequences, but she is teaching him very good lesson. Especially because he is a man. You can spoil Your children all You want.

[@blbirdsnmusic4281]

I’m sure she means well, but that reminds me so much of my own childhood. What my child brain learned: you’re not happy? Fine, mommy won’t be with you or love you until you stop. You’re not happy? You sit in you room and be alone until you are acceptable to me again. I’m sure kids experience things differently, but that’s how it felt for me. Sad? That’s bad. We, your closest loved ones, can’t stand that. You have to be alone with that.

[@ysbel]

Timeout is fine when used appropriately but punishing a kid because they can’t be happy is sick.

[@elizabethbaird3604]

Eeeeek! Telling a distressed child to be “happy and nice”? No way! I needed therapy as an adult to move past that sort of conditioning in my childhood because I had learned to suppress my anger, suppress my sadness, suppress my disappointment… I became a “happy and nice” person who always said “yes” and had no personal boundaries. For example, a man would touch me inappropriately on a date and I would be “happy and nice” about it. Nah!

[@LoudLeo3]

I am not opposed to time outs per se but we transitioned to a calm down corner rather than time out and having big feelings shouldn’t be shamed. Saying he has to stay there until he is “happy and nice” is very problematic, if your open at all to feedback I would say something more like we need to take some time to calm down so we can make better choices. We need some quiet time to calm down. We had a soft chair and blanket and teddy. My daughter would put her self in the calm down corner when she felt herself getting emotionally unregulated. It lets them know it’s okay to take time to process big emotions rather than punishing negative emotion. Small changes but it’s been very effective. Keep up the good work, being a mom is not easy!!

[@livjowen]

Thank you for the suggestion 😊 I don't agree it's as damaging as many have said, but I'm also not opposed to usually other language. The result is the same in my opinion 🙂

[@user-yz9yg4yx1k]

It is extremely harmful for him. He only learns to hise his feelings from you.

[@user-pz4jk9tb7d]

@@livjowenyour result from what you’re doing will be detrimental.

[@chickadee39]

​@@livjowen I prefer supernanny's techniques. He would be told why he's on a time-out ( tantrum ) he wouldn't be taught happy is the only emotion he can have. This was awful to watch as he'll start to think if he's not happy he's going to get this punishment. Heartbreaking.

[@TheArtOfMind.]

@@livjowen If 90% of your comments are saying that you’re in the wrong, you might need to reconsider your approach. So 100s of strangers share the same sentiment but we are wrong and you are right?

[@Nvgrrrrl]

Yuck! Punishing a toddler is gross. He is communicating a need to you the only way he has.

[@sherincshijoy4248]

A real parent should be with kids when they are sad... This is wrong.. We have to calm them they are so precious.. Dont leave alone like this😢

[@josefine5000]

Congrats for raising a people pleaser instead of someone who feels loved and acceptet and has good and stable self worth 😢

[@juliem.679]

Mom, you are setting up this boy to hide his emotions, not successfully deal with them.

[@juliaborrelli6730]

“It’s time to be happy”. Oh yeah. That’s how emotions work for sure. This mother is a whackadoodle. She has no life outside of being a mother so she films her children in vulnerable states. This should legit be illegal.

[@bridgetter9046]

Imagine saying “it’s time to be happy and nice” to an adult. No, imagine saying “it’s time to be (ANY feeling)” to an adult.

[@ShararehLotfi]

Oh he needs connection and cuddles to calm down. It's heartbreaking to leave him alone when he is crying and sad. 😭 Cuddles and hug, saying I hear you, I am here for you, breath my love. I love you. Also, this is his private moments. I don't like to be filmed an exposed to public when I have a melt-down, so I won't do it to my child

[@racheloshaksmusic]

I think he would’ve benefited more from a hug and conversation from you as opposed to “time-out”. He is still a baby and doesn’t understand why he’s been chucked out to be alone. You’re training his brain in the wrong traumatic way. He seemed slightly afraid/distanced of you when you came back, instead of excited and a feeling of missing you. I think time-out is best for older children. With this baby you have to acknowledge his emotions and speak to him and show him that you understand he feels flustered right now and talk him through it and clean him up from his tears. Then when he’s stopped, you can explain to him unacceptable behaviours. ❤

[@lulazeta8965]

A parent finds out the reason for the unhappiness of their baby instead of shutting him up

[@kaimart795]

Honestly if i was upset and someone was saying to me I need to be "happy and nice, " I would flip. Stop suppressing that child's natural emotions.

[@Wynner69]

I respect the fact he was honest about not being ready inspite of being out in time out. He needed that time to release his frustrations. ❤

[@saltandpepper986]

This child is in need of a framework to process their anger/frustration/sadness while being loved and supported. Instead, the message conveyed is “I’m alone and abandoned if I have these feelings, if I feel anything that isn’t happy”. An adult that cannot be present with the child that has these emotions has pushed their own “negative” emotions down or aside and therefore is incredibly uncomfortable bearing witness to them in another, much less opening a space and dialogue for them. It isn’t always conscious. They often have no idea they’re adapting this way. The patterning is very deep. Culturally it’s encouraged. Health crises are rampant and we wonder why… 💔 [edit: autocorrect inserted “coveted” where “conveyed” was intended]

[@ivyg5170]

Yes!!!!!! Exactly right.

[@saltandpepper986]

@@ivyg5170 🙏🏼❤️

[@flaviaantonietti797]

Yes, exactly

[@Nadah7]

So true. Sad. If you don’t feel happy I need to leave the room and come back until you are happy. What a sad message to convey to a baby. I found it to be extremely uncomfortable to watch. Time outs are a consequence for them to think about their actions. They need adults to help them support them through their emotions.

[@Rise-and-Shine333]

Glad I’m not the only who picked up on that

[@katiecousineau2412]

Being “happy” and smiling is what you are supposed to be and if you aren’t faking these, you get punished. Msg understood.

[@vigneshiyer4334]

This will stay in the kids minds forever