WHY IS EVERYONE TESTING THE INFJ ALL THE TIME

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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Ever wonder why INFJs attract attention despite trying to blend in? It's a strange mix of avoiding the spotlight yet always finding ourselves in the middle of it. Here we are, avoiding conflict, yet people always want to delve deeper into our thoughts. It feels like we're constantly tested - it's exhausting and leaves us feeling misunderstood. Trying to stay under the radar somehow makes us even more intriguing. Welcome to the paradox of being an INFJ, where being quietly fascinating draws all the attention we weren't seeking.
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[@Wenzes]

What are your experiences with people testing you without you actively provoking them?

[@howyduinyall7653]

Oh it’s only relentless

[@jessmason2112]

Triggered is an understatement. 🙄

[@sigmainfjbulgaria4478]

It's like a game where there are obstacles and in one point of the game you have a choice to continue avoiding all of them and become more and more exhausted and vulnerable of crashing yourself somewhere, or to beat your path through the ones you choose to crash in order to save your energy and accuracy to avoid the ones the game don't allows you to.

[@tplude1]

someone I used to hang out with would always test me, I never gave in because once he found your weak spot it was game on all the time. I told him numerous times that if you keep pushing you will find my bitch button, once you have pushed it good luck unpushing it

[@herenow4875]

I tend to be alone in real life besides my husband. So my interactions like this are usually in public forums. It will usually go like this. They will say something that I disagree with and I will formulate a debate against the statement they made. Instead of realizing I am just debating the statement made- not insulting them as a person in anyway, they will take my disagreement as a personal insult. So they will make straw man arguments and act like I have stabbbed them. And no matter how many times I repeat my stance and that this is not a remark against them but rather the idea they are peddling- they will twist what I said over and over without taking my point. So I meet a lot of people that like to play the victim with me when I am simply disagreeing with their philosophy but not them as a person. So people test me by bringing in "drama" into the conversation instead of sticking to the topic at hand. Like recently I got in an argument with someone because they said "What is art, but mercy, forgiveness and faith." and my response was that art is much more than those emotions but rather art can be the opposite of those things too. Art is life and so art is the expression of the human condition that can umbrella both good and bad emotions/concepts. Instead of the argument sticking to the statement of art, that was made, it went off into all sorts of drama filled victomhood statements by the original poster. Like can't we just disagree people? Must you act like I killed your dog or some shit like that? Stop testing me bro - I am trying to be civil here and you want to fight. The war of ideas can be exhausting ...so I try to not open that can of bees unless I truly disagree with the statement made.

[@Cynique_savant]

People hate us for minding our own business, thinking that we're stuck up and aloof but we genuinely don't care about talking about other people behind their backs, because we understand that people have flaws and life isn't set in stone

[@joyleencamiellegreene]

I feel like Wenzes was telling us they are afraid 😱 not hating. Since we a so mysterious

[@HaleyMary]

Exactly this! I don't like talking behind other people's backs at all and ironically, people get upset if I say something honest to their face.

[@justbecause968]

My current dilemma lol

[@BloomingMeadowsCo.]

This, everyone said I was stuck up. I was quiet, I'd read books and just do my school work. I was told I was pretty, but everyone said I was weird and they didn't understand me.

[@Cynique_savant]

@@joyleencamiellegreene i know that, but I've caught them in the act gossiping and then they turn it into "harmless joke"

[@endo4682]

On the other hand, if people are so uncertain about the INFJ, then they are welcome to ask. If they are afraid for because it's too socially awkward for them, then it's on them. One can still engage with folks like the mysterious INFJ with respect, without needing to know how they can categorize them.

[@Smithereens007]

Agreed. People who engage in these toxic behaviors are insecure. I’m not prepared to merely chalk it all up to human nature because some people manage to allay their anxieties through respectful behavior and anyone who does this is not your friend.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

I get so sick of this. Always someone wants to mess with me. And im super social at work. But always someone wants to push my buttons. I hate hurting others and i end up getting backed into A. uncomfortable conflict or B. getting bullied. Im 45 years old and this keeps happening in my life. Its crazy!! I dont feel comfortable with power dynamics and such. Im just me and i dont care about that stuff.

[@bumblebee_ms]

I get you, I'm 48, and only this year have I truly accepted my nature. I now come to expect backlash everywhere I go. It gets easier, trust me.

[@PulseCodeModulate]

It is possible that you are subconsciously sending body language signals based on your internal beliefs and making yourself small which attracts bully behavior. We INFJ's constantly undervalue ourselves and strive to blend in and find our true purpose. Try this at work... hold your head and shoulders high. SLOW down. Walk-talk- interact PURPOSEFULLY. Get your favorite song stuck in your head and operate all day based on the rhythm inside that no one else can hear. We are not talking arrogance here- just recognizing your true value and learning how to control your breathing, posture, body movements and finally, verbal language. As you go about your normal doings, pretend you just put on your favorite pair of headphones and mix tape, TOOK Arnold's black leather jacket from the Terminator and begin effortlessly rocking your day. When you present this energy, nobody's gonna wanna fuck with you. Jeffrey Z. in SC

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

​@@bumblebee_ms Were you Chameleon-like before? Getting along with everyone? Maybe thats the problem for me. Im such a chameleon and then when im finally me a bit, everyone pokes at me or thinks im weird. I went from everyone at work liking me to, feeling like everyone thinks im a crazy weirdo that doesnt do his job. Maybe my lesson is just to be less chameleonish from the get go.

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@PulseCodeModulate I love that, will try it today.

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@DonTrump-sv1si Knowing our nature, I think that is hard to do and I wish I could. I wanted to be someone other than me, until I realised I am enough as is. And now I don't let people push me around, I either go silent, door slam them or tell them to their face how ridiculous they are. It took 8 years of healing to start this process but here I am. I'm still in progress, you can do it too. No need to change who you are, change what you accept (I need to listen to my own advice too). Chameleon is not the word for what I was, I truly hated myself (as harsh as that sounds now, it's true).

[@dannillebennett1761]

I feel I set my boundaries and then these people start to enlist others to harass me. Anyone else have this experience?

[@bumblebee_ms]

Yep, all the time, they're called flying monkeys.

[@Abulina09]

It's so ridiculous

[@theresarichardson1522]

Absolutely

[@DearYoungerSelf111]

16:48 This is where I am challenging myself these days: When I got that bubble in my throat to withhold expressing something- I always did not say it because I was going to hurt their feelings but now I say it - Because the alternative is me dying inside (no metaphor) because I only want to be able to be my authentic self - It is suffocating not fully expressing myself - I never gave myself permission because of the costs (there were real costs at one time - childhood - social acceptance etc) But the inner turmoil has become 10x more painful than the social rejection from others - the cost is too damn high (mental health etc). I never deny anyone else being who they are - I must practice this same value with myself.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

Yep 👍🏼

[@daryl5379]

So true. as a older person, a leo and now I know I'm an INFJ, 90% of the many issues Iv'e encountered come from jealousy, my family, my friends, business associates, everyone always.

[@poisonousabsinthe]

Likewise. I'm 37, Scorpio rising Cancer and a Sigma male.... and... oh boy. Same. I just... rather just be on my own at this point.

[@user-rc2xs5ti2w]

Synchronicities and talking frequently with God turns the INFJs auras a very intriguing thing for people just observing us. I don’t blame them because I am very grateful for these privileges. I would say that ordinary people wouldn’t have any chance to understand where exactly we live.

[@bumblebee_ms]

Yes, I love that perspective!

[@HaleyMary]

I definitely feel like other people feel I am a mystery a lot of the time, which is funny to me because I don't mind being open about my beliefs, views, interests, etc. So, is it that people just aren't listening when I express those views? I agree that inner peace has to be the most important thing. I find that I am now staying away from situations that don't give me peace and while it felt lonely at first, over time, it's gotten a lot easier to spend time on my own and away from drama.

[@johnnycorn7225]

Once you get old and cold enough you will start to enjoy living wide open and making people dislike you for stupid reasons lol. Say hello to Mr Hyde😂

[@artistocracy]

I’m with you there!

[@elliottsmith7530]

at the tender age of 35 im stepping into that lol

[@corporaterobotslave400]

The dark side is where we find our strength. Without knowing this about ourselves we're just lillies in the wind of others' emo.

[@johnnycorn7225]

@@corporaterobotslave400 that is SO dang true right there!!! You don't know the power of the dark side!!!! 🖤

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Whoever were waiting to be strong for us isnt coming. We have to be strong for us

[@martine3884]

I feel like both an enigma that people admire in a way, and also have to bring down because I’m different I’m 62 and feel like moving to a cabin in a forest to live with bears and rabbits and be left in peace.

[@Mentally_Better]

INFJs are often seen as insightful and empathetic, so people might naturally turn to them for advice, support, or understanding. This could lead to a sense of being tested or evaluated frequently. Also, because INFJs are known for their ability to understand others deeply, some people might intentionally seek their insights or reactions in various situations. It's important for INFJs to set boundaries and communicate their needs to avoid feeling overwhelmed or drained by constant testing or demands on their empathy.

[@bumblebee_ms]

Great advice!

[@howaboutno2023]

I have a lot of ppl testing me at work initially. They will usually make passive aggressive comments (competitive in nature) or trama dump bc I'm a great listener. I have to be assertive to the competitive types and stop being as invested in convos with the trama dumpers asap to interact with them better😩 great vid as always 🙏🏾❤️

[@vanessalion4834]

We're too good at our jobs and others resent that. Took me a long time to learn it's not me. It's not you. It's THEM!

[@howaboutno2023]

@@vanessalion4834 💪🏾❤️

[@grumpyschnauzer]

Yes, I've learned this starting with my mom and sister.

[@maragirl1658]

People don’t like who see through them. INFJs are focused on substance in a world that only values form.

[@ngeee10]

Omg yes

[@kencornwell]

This actually just happend to me just this morning. We say the simplest things that are neither a compliment or a put down and people either they are over sensitive or just looking for a scapegoat get offended and have no desire to actually talk things out. Boring in my opinion. Move on. Intersting world us INFJ's have to live in.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

We are tested in SO MANY CONTEXTS AND CAPACITIES. The list is endless... I've been tested by my sisters and parents, my teachers, my bosses, Men especially (the rigid and stuck in their ways type especially), sometimes even friends (or now what I see are frienemies - picking friends similar to my sisters), even DOCTORS, religions patrons, once even a Judge at jury duty. I've committed to being as honest as possible and let go of my self-judgment. If it hurts them let them work that out with their therapist instead of me having to see a therapist for staying quiet and internalizing everything and being their "pseudo stand in therapist because they are too lazy to get one or because they never get the deep feedback they are looking for from their therapist." If people ask or challenge they are getting the full honest truth. If they don't ask I just keep it to myself. Some of the people that are most sensitive to what I say are parents... specifically parents who don't see how they are negatively impacting their children.

[@judypayne4251]

I don’t understand the need to try to alpha dog me in the first place.

[@corporaterobotslave400]

It arises from massive insecurity. Knowing this, you can now laugh inside when 'alpha dog' starts barking.

[@briancossey4773]

I've developed the perfect armor for these sort of situations. I have been described by my therapist as "big and scary" (strictly a superficial observation, as would be expected); this description might be accurate for anyone that doesn't know me. Am I big? YUP (350 lbs and built like an islander)! I have a demeanor that says "screw with me and the apocalypse will just be a minor problem while standing in the line at the supermarket!". I dress in dark colors or clothes with descriptive slogans like "Sure! Let's do the stupidest thing possible just because it is easier for you!". And smile? Only when someone isn't looking. But to the people that know me, I am usually described as "a big, soft, cuddly huggable teddy bear" (ughhh, talk about a decidedly UN-macho/less-than-masculine description. WHOOOOFFFF! Embarrassing). My main defense against this bs? Keep a small company of people that are positive and enlightened (preferably without being goofball nuts!). I usually have a live-and-let-live attitude, but am a dragon. Know what they say about dragons? "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!".

[@deborahwolff5651]

Too bad if people don't like you or if you don't fit in. You can't please everyone

[@Blk_N_Bleu]

"You can be the prettiest, most tastiest peach in there world, and somewhere out there, there will be someone who doesn't like peaches." -Penguinz0

[@ved7690]

PPL do want to know my limits and wish to see my dark side, when they do see it they are usually stunned. As for me being in my dark side is draining, mostly i would rather avoid showing that side as it has more impact on me than it has on others.

[@mattyfelton954]

I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore, nor do I care about making others comfortable. I mind my business and let others assume as they must. Too bad so sad for them.

[@CharleneCoscarelli-vk2bc]

I don’t underestimate my abilities. I may underestimate a lot of things, but that is not one of them.

[@lindateuling7862]

I remember having to deal with each one of these at different times in my life. I can see how #2 and #4 could seem contradictory to each other; we have good composure but we underestimate ourselves. Maybe that's why we are also #1 - a mystery, and can't be put in a box. However, now that I'm officially a senior citizen, I'm happy to say that I don't struggle with that as much as I used to. When we age responsibly and well (which I think I'm doing, minus my arthritis 🙂) I'm happy to report that it isn't the struggle that it used to be - or at least I now know how to cope with it better. I think the reason is that I have accepted and even honored my introversion and I no longer feel like there's something wrong with me if I have to get away and rest. In fact, I have since found out that a lot of my old friends have to do the same thing!

[@lmdee7690]

I completely relate to your comment. Also the people in my life understand these things about me. I don’t have time for what others think anymore. I have peace with who I am.

[@thecuriousoutsider]

It is in the INFJ's interest to assert a boundary sooner rather than later. The other person may test the INFJ but at the same time the boundary enables the INFJ to test the other person. This allows the INFJ to very soon find out if the other person will be respectful.

[@ChristianYork-]

I find it ironic that this video was posted today, as well as the prior video about INFJ's and narcissistic. I have been involved in a relationship with someone I love very much, but for the most part, all I've received is an almost daily dose of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. This is not a poor me statement, just a fact. I feel that all of this treatment was due to their inability to understand me, though I did my best to be completely transparent with her. What a mistake. It only made me a target for her to attack and project her problems and insecurities onto me because she was unable to find a healthy outlet to help herself. It ended yesterday when I had to door slam her for good. Which is upsetting for me and especially bad for her as there are real-life consequences now that involve the law. If I had simply set and protected my boundaries to begin with, this would have never gone so far. Be careful with who you allow into your life. As always, thanks for the free content/videos. They help to give me focus and do better damage control.

[@super-intelligentastrology3572]

Yes that is exactly it, I want the dignity to say they don't deserve to get that private info of my boundaries. It's really hard for me to understand tho, what am I supposed to do. I don't like to be petty. So it's my tendency to wait until if it's worth making a stand over. But at the same time, I'm good at seeing bad signals and reading that when it's not particularly relevant to myself, and therefore I kinda know what to expect of certain people, and then I can put on the freeze if I see encroachment. But it's often non verbal.

[@Joohee4]

This just happened to me at work, by a very evil person, and this video helped me to process it because unfortunately I let it upset me all weekend. I can’t wait to do one of your masterclasses, I need a community to connect with (as is INFJs are loners).

[@JT-cf5ol]

agreed. some types of work attract sociopaths which amplifies the mobbing effect.

[@kikitaube-hansen]

You have to say No. The only answer.

[@the-real-m-jadey]

I've never been a stranger to people in general (including family members) testing me when they'd and do mean things to me, then add injury to insult by telling me that I’m just being too sensitive. And they wonder why I decided to go into hermit/no contact mode!

[@bumblebee_ms]

Honestly, l find it strange if I'm not being tested all the time and kept on my tippy toes, I start thinking there is something wrong...lol!

[@woodnymph3063]

And I'm wondering how the dominance and competence with men turned out with your husband? I thought for a while that I would look for men who were more dominant than me, but it turned out that their dominance was an illusion.

[@elmahyrakanayori6016]

The big question for them is " what do you expect to do so !? "

[@depleteduraniumcowboy3516]

Interesting. I am very heard to read. I do not test well. I immediately drop the hammer. I think I should have "DO NOT ESCALATE" tattooed on my forehead.

[@alienxander3330]

Just signed up for the 7 day email lessons 🙌

[@jerome6572]

Wenze's I concur with you so true.Thank you Wenze's you're good at explaining me.Jerome❤❤❤

[@ninilustig]

Im so weired...😂i stared the number of people warching this Video and how much thumb up...and i listen at the same time😂..😊..hey you all, love youself at the first point above everything..oh i am not infj, but i get to understand you by watching those videos 😊

[@kencornwell]

I can't tell you how much it means to an INFJ that your taking the time to understand us. Thanks for that.

[@ninilustig]

I am going to help an infj kid, I hope, I got a lot of support of this mission. Getting know the world is actually what we come to earth the most meaningful thing to do!

[@purpletreesftw80]

🎶 who's afraid of little old me? Apparently everybody.

[@bennyregohos1650]

People want us to shine, they don't even understand it.

[@akataa]

So on point!

[@user-dt4cp2jx7c]

Yep. Totally accurate!

[@wittykat1]

Hey @Wenzes, I have a few video request: 1. How do I make and keep friends as an INFJ 2. How do I interact with my coworkers and classmates as an INFJ? I have always had trouble socializing and I don’t know why. I’m confused if it’s an INFJ thing or just me. Thanks friend ❤

[@aquariusstar7248]

Gosh...the energy it takes to engage with humans!😣😂

[@fredcraven1699]

Learn to camouflage the light Moths To The Flame unless you want to fight constantly that gets boring

[@BestBFam]

Thank you. This was so educational. You have explained something that has frustrated and hurt my feelings my whole life.

[@swaymbho]

Thank you ❤

[@elmahyrakanayori6016]

I dont felt " dissapoint or anger more than worry instead for em " in the end everyone need a point and some conclution no matter what, coz they being them n i being me anyway . I give em a space to assume and think what they want to assume and think as they want. I have my own point and conclution. Its fair enough .

[@vincentkretzschmar4988]

Wenzes you hectic! No one else brings value like this and the 5 pillars poster is up on my wall and has helped so much

[@nataliaprodan9335]

Thank you lovely ❤

[@user-ky2qq7yi8p]

this is so helpful. i feel clarity

[@stephenfegely]

Queen 👸🏻

[@joelnivar131]

I look like an alpha male. The amount of beef that comes my way without reason is too much sometimes

[@amehayami934]

Well there's is the other option. We can just say the obvious. The things people might see. The colors we like, the food we like to eat. And also be very vague. Just gove them enough information, to somewhat give them what they want without giving what they want and counter with a question of your own. I find holding off on the deep and complex questions forn now and Question that gets them to reveal more about themselves for us to learn about them works pretty good. I always try to turn the focus back on them. If this is dating. If it's not dating and i have to be out with other people. Ya that can be harder.

[@yootoob1001001]

I sometimes think so many people are having INFJ results to these sorts of tests is because they want them after reading or hearing that it's a rare type and then bias their answers to the questions to reflect the result that they want to get rather than the "boring" albeit more honest one they most likely have (quotes intentional).

[@corymccray9806]

Brooooo she's so right frfr I'm so sick of it

[@tamitorres3413]

So true. And thank you for the advice!

[@ConstantlyCreating]

Every dang day. And I prevail every time. Not picking on me just don't understand how am so in control all the time. Not every one gets to know me. Only The worthy. Ppl are like Leechs. Tell em to much they use ut against you. But I jsu love keeping em wondering. Lol

[@lilredheaded1]

Thank you for creating and sharing.

[@user-um9ot5jx6y]

First minute was already on point

[@joyjoy-lf2py]

Hi wenzes Thank you for everything you do 🙏 I have question? Do you also do personal coaching on the phone for example? Thank you so much!

[@KevinVinke-hs6re]

Thanks

[@ziegunerweiser]

the lone wolf is always a target, it's not normal to be off by yourself and not seeking external validation, if you provoke me I will push your buttons and find out what your limitations are and exploit your weaknesses only to expose you for what you really are, let me ask you who was testing who ? wink

[@LeAnne-uw3wp]

❤Wenzes

[@luciana1930]

Thank You 🥺

[@uncorkthemic5587]

Wow. Truth.

[@Xerxes.28]

❤❤

[@angelarrkhu4606]

Yah why? And just dont get angry if i ignored the test 👍

[@YahisMyLife]

@Wenzes can people not be an infj or between personalities? I keep testing between infj and a few others. I don't have a multiple personality disorder or border line.

[@Rachel_M_]

Maybe you just have a common or garden stalker and you're overthinking this? 🤔 You won't analyse your way out of this situation. Trust me. I know.

[@YahisMyLife]

@@Rachel_M_ lol true I was already doing that. Sorry I changed my comment by the time she was done I thought of that. But I'll repost it so others can see. I did all that to an ex-friend and even after cops being called this woman won't leave me alone. What do I do? . I'm a damaged infj from narcissistic childhood abuse. This lady is still checking up on me. Just weird. And yes you are right she is probably a stocker. I noticed she was so controlling and because I ended the friendship she wants be friends just to dump me. Crazy.

[@Rachel_M_]

@@YahisMyLife I'm not sure which country you are in, or if there are stronger legal routes you can take such as court orders. I've been there, it's a constant battle. I know it's easier said than done lol.

[@YahisMyLife]

@@Rachel_M_ thank you. I'm in the U.S. I've talked to one of my husband's friend who is also a cop in our area (or was he is a detective now) he knows this lady because of the amount of crap she was involved with. He said there isn't enough proof. She tried to put me in jail accused me of stealing her medication when the person she had staying at her house stole it. Nutty Meggie and Scrappy Doo decided to come to my home and beat me up. Mind you this is a 65 year old weighing in at 260 5'11 with another woman who is in her 50's 5'7 wheinging in at 150 let's get ready to rumble! . Long story short they left running with their tales between their legs because I let the crazy out they saw I had absolutely no fear . Mind you I'm 5'5 and because of my health issues right now weigh only 90 pounds to 85 . I'm walking stick basically. I don't know if I'm courageous or just plain stupid. lol.

[@erglelergle8476]

People will think they are stronger than you, although they're not.. Lol Bingo

[@user-yk3qm4zf5o]

It's just my humble opinion. I want to get it,you or other's. Say it times have to. REALITY and FACTS ✌🏻🐦‍🔥. That's exactly LIFE 🧬 ALIVE 🌎 👍🏻 ♀️HUMANS ♂️. But those are just my thoughts?.

[@Chris-hp2gg]

Does anyone really know anyone?😂

[@91clasSick]

Are you a virgo

[@humpiebumpie1780]

People know they cant control.me 😂 I am sigma and infj starseed and earthangel. Atrack lot off energy always want to compete whit me 😑 people cant stand me 😂

[@chrissvayart1404]

are youuuu kidiiing meee?! you described me to the bone OMG, my whole life i thought i'm just negative and annoy people! 🤯🤯🤯🫨🫨🫨