Why is trans discourse so toxic?

[@Blentifulbollipops86537]

WOW. I don't condone hate, because I'm not a liberal or a right winger, but I did come here to judge you in silence, but now I just feel bad because you only have 14 likes and thousands of views. That ratio is rough. Tbh, hope you aren't getting too much hate, and if you aren't you should thank Marcus for boosting your views and helping you pay for your bills lol.

[@mavmagick]

Yeah I definitely appreciate the views lol! I’ve got pretty low engagement on this channel, but I’m working on tweaking some things to help improve that. I’m open to suggestions!

[@initiativeplaytherapy88]

Okay, one last comment. In regards to his comments about clothes and makeup, yeah. You can be a straight, cisgender male and still want to wear makeup or booty shorts. I think where he gets tripped up is that he doesn't understand the difference between gender identity and gender expression. There are plenty of people who identify as non-binary and yet present to the world very much as their AGAB. There are also people who identify as cis men who get their nails painted. You can bend those gender expressions (or not) and that has nothing to do with gender identity. However, that doesn't negate the fact that some people don't feel like they neatly fit in one gender category.

[@mavmagick]

Yep exactly!! That’s a very important distinction. E.g. I present more male even though I’m definitely not a man. But someone could make that assumption by looking at me.

[@kaiyodei]

I think there are genders related to presentation and style. like Noirgender

[@initiativeplaytherapy88]

@@kaiyodei Learned something new today. Spent the morning reading about xenogender. 🙂

[@mavmagick]

@@kaiyodei I’ve never heard of that one!

[@initiativeplaytherapy88]

I experience pronouns very differently than others, but... yeah! I feel dysphoria. For me, it's around getting called they/them. 'He' feels neutral, 'She' feels euphoric, 'They' feels absolutely dysphoric. I feel so othered and I do get that nausea just like you said. I also get so frustrated when people in the non-binary community suggest that if you don't know, you should just use 'they.' No! If you don't know and the person is not around to ask... okay maybe. However, if the person is around, ASK! Don't just assume!

[@mavmagick]

I think this is important as well! Assuming pronouns Willy nilly can definitely hurt folks.

[@iam4mark852]

And look at that, guess who just made a response video about you?

[@mavmagick]

Would you look at that! 🙃

[@initiativeplaytherapy88]

As a therapist, I don't see that you need to go through dysphoria to be trans. People who have supportive families and are free to explore their gender identity and expression don't necessarily experience the symptoms of distress mentioned in the DSM-5. They just recognize they are trans. You know what you need it for, though? Medical care. Insurance companies will absolutely deny trans people medical care because they're not cutting on themselves or running gravel through their hair. And so... yeah. If you have not experienced dysphoria, but you need HRT or surgery to show up as the person you want to be, you may have to kinda sorta 'fake' dysphoria so that you don't develop dysphoria because the industry that's supposed to provide you the care you need to prevent dysphoria won't because you don't currently have dysphoria.

[@mavmagick]

great take!! I’ve been working through the idea in my head and that totally makes sense. I think that some people would classify dysphoria as the need to even classify yourself as trans. Like a kid in a supportive family will still know that being called a boy when they are a girl doesn’t feel good. Would that be dysphoria to you?

[@initiativeplaytherapy88]

@@mavmagick - I tend to look at many of the diagnoses in the DSM-5 as not really real anyway. They're more describing symptoms rather than diseases. It's like the term ague, which used to describe any disease with fever and chills. ADHD is like... I think it's like 14 different things and autism is thousands of things. Gender dysphoria is one that's more something we created as a society and inflicted on others rather than something that is inherently wrong with the client. So much of diagnosis is political rather than medical too. If I have a client with RAD, for example, I'm not going to convince his school that they misdiagnosed him as ADHD, because guess which one qualifies for services and which does not? You pick the diagnosis that is defensible and gives you a bat and a ball to get them care. Diagnosing a client with gender dysphoria who is not currently experiencing clinical distress because they haven't yet encountered medical bureaucracy, to me, is defensible.

[@initiativeplaytherapy88]

@@mavmagick BTW, I feel anxious about my response. It's one of those topics where I can kinda feel what I'm trying to say, but I'm having trouble saying it. I don't want to suggest gender dysphoria is not a thing. It is. It's that I don't see the person's response as the problem. It's like pathologizing a stab wound victim for complaining about pain. However, if that was the only way to get someone care, absolutely I would call it stab wound dysphoria.

[@mavmagick]

@@initiativeplaytherapy88 😂😂 that made me giggle! I understand the anxiety around stating your position on these things! But I appreciate the insight and think it makes sense!

[@kaiyodei]

maybe, some cis people have GD