Why It Took Me SO Long To Realise I'm Gay

[@apollo4216]

You might find it interesting to read up on the different types of attraction. Experiencing aesthetic attraction towards men doesn't make you any less lesbian than someone who doesn't. Being lesbian just describes the typical targets of your sexual and/or romantic attraction. It doesn't say anything about your aesthetic, physical, or emotional attraction preferences. I had a similar experience to you in that I discovered my sexuality wasn't what I thought it was at the end of an 8 year relationship. I had grown up thinking I was just a "normal" straight guy my whole life (because women were "hot", similar to you with men), until I realized that I was actually asexual and didn't experience sexual attraction (to any gender) the way others did. I too went through a phase where I wanted to just "fix" myself, so the relationship I had would work out. While I still do have days like that, they have become fewer with time. It was a huge relief to no longer feel like there was something wrong with me and to know that there are many others that have the same experience. In many ways, it mirrors the experience of being late diagnosed autistics discovering that what we feel has a name and a community.

[@shearerslegs]

I wish I could offer you more than this but you made yourself really vulnerable with this video so I feel I should say something even though my own experiences are very different. My little sister is a lesbian. She came out 20 years ago at 19 and we were raised Roman Catholic and my Dad strictly so , I can’t imagine how hard it must have been. Coming out to Dad was too frightening for her and she had to get our Mam to tell him. He was ok, he loved us in his own weird way. Life has had regular ups and downs for her, as it does for straight people, she has three beautiful kids and as of yesterday a little cocker spaniel puppy. Her partner is her best friend, it took a while to find the right person but she has. I know she’s dealt with homophobia and probably some of that was internalised as well although we’ve never spoke about it. She will be forty on her next birthday she will be loved and be in love, she has amazing kids at least one possibly two are autistic so all her years stuck with me have been valuable learning. I’m just trying to say that you’re going to be able to have the same positive and negative experiences and feelings being gay as you would being straight or bi, monogamous or polyamorous. This learning who you are is vital but you will look back on it someday to realise that it’s a step towards a happier life. As much as working through the difficult days are beyond something I can comprehend fully you can work through them. If you’re finding that you can’t cope and you need help there’s no shame in needing antidepressants or counselling from your doctor or seeking support from the charities that provide someone to talk to. Despite your depression you seem to find these videos therapeutic but I realise that not everyone who reads your comments will feel able to speak publicly. I hope you are able to link with people who share the same experiences as you, thank you for sharing this video

[@dlesliejones]

My young experience was traumatic. So I realized that your honesty and charm must conceal the depths of how overwhelming your experience has been. I'm glad that society has grown as aware and accepting as it has these last few years. But I believe it is only because of the courage of people like you. Pushing towards a world that nurtures and cherishes the whole spectrum of sexual identity, individuality and neurodivergence... and patriarchy (along with it's strictly binary social paradigm) is relegated to history.

[@FirstmaninRome]

You be yourself, cause nobody on my youtube is cooler than Dana.

[@goblinodds]

definitely haven't gone through this but the delayed self-knowledge is really relatable-- i thought i was asexual til i was in my early 20s and even once i figured out that, okay, sex was fine, sort of, i didn't really understand how i was meant to feel in a relationship. the way you described your relationship with your girlfriend and how different it is feels *so familiar* even though i've only dated men, but my relationship with my current boyfriend is just radically better and more comfortable than my previous relationships, even though by any normal metric they were perfectly decent ones.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

11:41 Why would it NOT feel completely different?

[@Petertwohig1948]

Thanks Dana. Some of the autistic women on youtube have investigated these concepts in relation to autistics. I believe they apply to autistic men as well. I am not confident to say more. Suffice it to say that for us, it is not as simple as it is for the Vanilla People. Love your courage. Pete.