Why Lowering Your Standards May Result In Attracting Hotter Women

Did you know that almost all the men I know who sleep with a lot of attractive women didn't always have high standards?
In fact, many of them are a lot less judgmental about how women look than the guys who are struggling to get results.
It's always easy to become obsessed with hot girls, and trying to only focus on talking to the hottest women we can find.
But this can be a poor strategy if you want to build confidence and have success with women.
And a lot of it has to do with the unnecessary shame many men feel at the idea of being intimate with women they consider less attractive than ideal.
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[@mr_unabashed]

Would much rather be alone than even think about being with someone I'm not even slightly attracted too. If I have to fake it then it's not fair to the woman who is attracted to me.

[@cahyadibudiman9450]

Thanks, man! I love this video! ☺️☺️💯💯👏👏🔥🔥

[@thebiggerpicture__]

Great video!

[@ab_crypto]

Great topic bro

[@untouchable360x]

"When you keep lowering your standards. Eventually, you won't have any." Master Chief

[@sole__doubt]

Very interesting take on this. Im really going to think about this one. :)

[@PowderChaser]

Spot on!!

[@bhutchin1996]

Guilty as charged. Good insights!

[@thegritsch]

My 2 cents here: 1. Definitely true, I've observed this too actually. 2. For me this is a catch 22 situation. I walk through live finding about 90% of women not attractive, either because of their character or because the "spark" is just not there, regardless of physical beauty. In fact, physical beauty alone does not seem to be enough for REAL attraction, at least for me. Maybe its chemistry idk. But the conundrum is that when I don't find a women much attractive, I do not act like an attractive man, thus turning her off too. Only when I'm with a woman I consider to be really attractive does the "man part" inside me come alive.

[@thegritsch]

Side note: Online dating has really served me ill in that regard, since even if I met with a model looking girl it did not guarantee attraction. Will give your advice a try and swipe on less attractive girls that I maybe could see myself having sex with and see what happens

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

I was going ot mention this in the video but decided not to complicate matters - as I've gotten older, I'm far more picky with who I'll sleep with - But I think that's because sex for validation has been deprioritised in my l ife.

[@franfran4404]

Love this kind of mental help clip, there's several benefits for lowering standard, I guess Damien can deliberate a lot on this topic, such as human tends to like person a little better than themselves, lower ego makes girl feel our respect which interactively makes fun as Damien quotes, I am kind of the person have flexible standard so I got you Damien! For the standard variation, maybe you could explain a little bit more later. You know somehow we (or you) experienced some creepy dates or laids, cheers.

[@Filthy_Larry]

People who lower their standards are weak.

[@martintheguitarist]

To get good at something you need to practice a lot. There are just not that many supermodels available even if you are an attractive guy. Besides even if a woman has your ideal looks it doesn't mean you'll have good sexual chemistry with her. You need to go with the options you have and not with what you want. And it's generally true of other aspects of life.

[@initiatorhater0688]

it also helps men for the reference experience, using as a step ladder before going for high caliber women later, i've heard some say for guys, men, success with women is like lifting weights

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

I mean this is true... I think there's an element of looking at the women as 'stepping stones' that would remove us from just enjoying the experiences along teh way and enjoying connecting wtih the women.. But the analogy does work.

[@Mr.Honest247]

I think you’re right, ever since I raised my standards to “must be a 9 or 10 of forget it,” it ruined my dating life… Before that I just went for what appealed to me and I had some of the best times of my life..

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Yeah, it's counter-intuitive but I think we let society mess with our heads too much at times.

[@goldenperspective9929]

What I realized is finding a a down to Earth smart girl..checks the boxes morally ..idk what it is but God makes them shine different

[@Loch1210]

Yeah but I don't to attach myself to a chick I don't like then have to tell her or slowly stop fucking with her cause she wack to me

[@CulusMagnus]

Hey, I had a brief look at your website. I was wondering if you are taking on students for online coaching and what rates might be. Cheers

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Hey bud, I sure am send me an email - [e-mail]

[@iammesowhoareu5553]

It's like getting work experience. At first you go for your entry level position. Then as your skills in life increase, so does your position ;)

[@jaydurant6553]

I agree with the main points in a nutshell: approaching towards woman is best when we break a few barriers every now and again, life’s but once, and having the slice, the experience, the fun and the company that blows your mind with good personality and effort is A1 game mindset and should be normalized at least in terms of to each their own, social chances come and go, but the clock and time to enjoy thems fleeting.

[@polishpimp4233]

I think the issue that frustrates many men out there is that society basically tells them be happy whatever you can get and accept any woman with all her faults. I understand say a guy that thinks he is a 6 goes for a 5... That is reasonably within his league for lack of better term. But there seems to be this growing expectation amongst women too never settle for anything but the best and thus it's going to leave many men feeling cheated. I have an attraction floor that I am not going to breach and frankly it's not all that high. But as someone that works out 4-5 a week I expect any woman that I date to at least give a sincere effort in taking care of her body.

[@kkp4297]

yes, i see it as practice.

[@trence5]

I can't remember where I saw it but someone typed "either deal with the woman you have to fight FOR or the woman you try fight OFF".

[@thrillathakilla]

I'm not even at that stage. The last girl I was with was my first in 7 years. Literally just because she said yes. I wasn't into her. IDK what to do to find someone else and I worry that now I;m in my 30s its too late anyway

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Sorry to hear that man - honestly 30s isn't too late... It's always going to require a bit of work though.

[@JStorm90TV]

Figure out what your hobbies are and combine it with social gatherings to start

[@dresher0121]

I thought i smoked too much weed after reading the title

[@danieljuhasz685]

That's the thing Can't find average and can't go lower What's can I do about this?Therapy? Religion?Drugs?

[@raymondleggs5508]

I think what you mean is to not go for women you find UNATTRACTIVE, but to go for girls you simply find moderately attractive, merely just "cute" instead of Girls who look like models and actresses Adriana Lima, Alexandra Daddario and Alice Pagani.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Yes, this was the intention - not to push guys for women they find repulsive :)

[@ericgarner6001]

In a lot of guys defense, I don’t think most men need stunning or hot women. I’m willing to bet for most guys, average women are a luxury. I do agree that if it’s a matter of shame than genuine attraction: that’s worth contemplation

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Oh for sure many men are in this position as well - this video doesn't apply to every man's situation right now - but it's a tred I've noticed nonetheless

[@Filthy_Larry]

Why would an ugly woman be a luxury ?

[@comdo831]

But isn't twin 2 merely using women that are in his eyes less than 8 out of 10 to boost his ego? Isn't this kind of guy responsible for giving all men a bad name?

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Good question - And perhaps I should have spent more time talking about mindset when doing this.... When I'm doing it - I'm not just looking at the women as 'tools' - I'm genuinely connecting, having fun, enjoying the journey - I'm making clear im not in a place for a long term relationship - But I'm not treating the women like sub-human becuase they aren't my ideal - They're just as cool as any other woman, but not my ideal taste I guess you would say. I'm not sure women I've been with along the way felt used - at least no more than a 9/10 woman would feel if I didn't want a relatioship with her - and I've met plenty I wouldn't want a relationship with.

[@jirkazalabak1514]

@@SchoolOfAttraction But isn´t this mindset just creating the dating scarcity in the first place? When you have average, or even pretty ugly women, getting approached by reasonably attractive guys for "practice", doesn´t that just skew the market for everyone? What is an average guy supposed to do when average women are used to being approached by guys far better than him?

[@AEH-df7ho]

@@jirkazalabak1514 it does. His advice is trash. Never go for unattractive women

[@zeroveda]

I am older, Brazilian and have tons of experience with woman. Not saying that to brag, because Brazil is way more rewarding than USA in dating. So, yeah it's way easier there then here, but regardless, your advice is gold!! When I used to fight jiu jitsu, I had to fight technical guys, strong guys, weak guys, brute guys, etc... Everything is training!! The more you train the better you become. Also, be a fuc***g man! You don't need to prove anything to your dumbasses friends. Enjoy women's company as you will and with you feel like. Simple like that!

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Also, I love Brazilian women :)

[@involved4474]

That's true, in my opinion if you judge other's for their look although you might enjoy sex with them, is like you judging yourself so you deprive yourself from sex.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

That's also a very good point I could have included in this video... you just yourself the same way you judge others :)

[@DianasReport]

You talk of sex so light hearted yet it is much more than a physical animal instinct since we have a conscious. There is an energetic bond that is created when you get physically intimate with another person. Do you know how your eagerness to sleep with whomever effects the other person? She might get her hopes up of a relationship only to be let down and used by the whim of you being able to sacrifice your standards and “get it up”. This video does not give good advice, btw there are many STD’s you forgot to mention including mono from a simple act of kissing. I suggest wait for the right partner and until then work on improving yourself until you meet them.

[@ifeelhalfnaked484]

well, you're a woman you'll never understand struggles of men trying to get female attention. So keep your solipsistic comment to yourself

[@jackholt6860]

If you do that in todays world you get called an incel and looked down on

[@Straga_Severa]

This is a good video, and I want to make two points - I'll do them in separate comments, for the sake of making the conversation more convenient. 1) I think this needs to be clarified, rather than just implied - when you say "standards", you mean "visual standards", not the other kind of standards, right? For example, I recently returned to dating apps to break out of a year-long dry spell. So far, only a small amount women are matching with me, and they are mostly conventionally unattractive - this seems logical, because I have bad photos (though better ones than I used a long time ago - and that's why I have a bit more matches). So I'm not visually picky in the slightest - for now. But I'm still picky - just by other, more important criteria. I'm picky about their intelligence and kindness - I suffer in conversations with rude or stupid girls. I'm picky about their emotional stability - recently I purposefully rejected my chance to break this year-old dry spell and have sex, because the girl was crazy and insecure, and though she liked me a lot, I feared for my safety (in the reputational/legal sense) - I got the feeling that if I do something "wrong", she would hate me with the same passion. Is my strategy correct? Or should I lower my standards in this areas too? Because it seems for now that I reject the few matches I have who don't reject me first, based on this criteria.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Yeah I'd agree with this within reason... I mean you shouldn't be dating women that are just irritating... The flip side of this is that I've met men who are so nit-picky with women, they really NEED to lower their standards and deal with their obsession with perfection (about personality) - but those guys are the exceptions, not the rules.

[@Straga_Severa]

@@SchoolOfAttraction Yes, I think so. Thanks! =-)

[@rogerdepoller2124]

I have a question about this. I'm kinda bought into the idea, but wouldn't this potentially hurt your self-esteem in the long run? I mean, imagine you get emotionally invested in one of these girls and you also get rejected. Which isn't that far-fetched. Wouldn't it hurt you more to have compromised, and still have "failed"?

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

I mean, I don't think it hurts your self-esteem any more than any other kind of rejection.. Consider rejection in 2 conditions... 1) It's a very average woman, and you have experience of lots of average women being interested in you.... 2) It's a hot woman, and you rarely every have hot women interested in you.. In my experience, condition 2 hurts more because it feels like a much harsher scarcity situation.

[@jirkazalabak1514]

@@SchoolOfAttraction If you approach a hot woman, you kind of expect to get rejected, so when it happens, it´s basically the default result. When the same thing happens from a woman clearly less attractive than you, it fucking hurts. It makes you feel like that deformed piece of fruit in the grocery store that nobody picks up, even though it´s the last one on the shelf. One of the worst feelings in the world, imo. Also, you make an unfounded assumption that "you have experience of average women being interested". What if this is your first approach, either ever, or after a long time, and you get this sort of response? That will be asolutely soul-crushing.

[@FreedomFox1]

My biggest concern is “alpha widowing” a woman. I guess the solution is to make it clear that you’re not looking for a girlfriend, so at least she knows what she is getting into. Regarding social pressure, if a guy is attracted to a woman who doesn’t get a lot of male attention, how is that a problem? If people feel comfortable ridiculing you, then they don’t respect YOU, which is a much bigger issue than your date’s waistline.

[@Ash_Wen-li]

Don't worry about it. Just don't lie or mislead them

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Yeah it's true I should have mentioned this in the video - the idea isn't to lead any woman on if you odn't see a long term future with her - make it clear it's just for casual fun.

[@ethosterros9430]

I've done this and it really messed with her head. She ended up with a dude she doesnt respect.

[@ethosterros9430]

​@@Ash_Wen-lishe will get hurt anyway. I've had a woman lie to me about being cool with fwb. She was hoping I would change my mind but lost her shit when I refused.

[@Sugabullets]

Don't lower your standards but date casually initially.

[@JStorm90TV]

How would you respond to the idea that speaking so less attractive women will cause more attractive women to avoid you because they don't want to be associated with you? The myth is that if people see you with less attractive women they wont find you attractive or valuable sexually

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

My answer is that I haven't experienced this to actually exist with women... I'm not saying it hasn't happen and doesn't happen sometimes - but just that I haven't actually experienced this... I've had multiple times in my life where the opposit ehappeend and the hot woman thought 'wtf? Why would he want HER and not ME? ' and she's done something about it. Case in point, my friend was dating a girl, I got him to line me up with one of her firends (we'd do this for each other all the time), we all went to a strip club together... A Stripper there who I'd flirted with before but never gotten anywhere with before saw me there with this girl (who i just met that night) who wasn't super attractive - and the stripper flirted her ass off at me that night and we hooked up the next night. So yeah I've heard the theory but I've just never experienced it actually happen.

[@raymondleggs5508]

I'm black but i just can't be turned on by black women, enough to consider sex or dating them, I have never dated or slept with anyone but I only care about a woman being cute and white, or Latina, or italian, Greek, Middle-eastern or Spanish although white is what I am mostly attracted to. Plus White women and other races have more in common values, and interest wise.

[@brownbri1983]

Well yes If you what higher numbers you have to lower your standards. Most people will never meet higher standards

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

It's more than that though... Once you are feeling more of a sense of abundance, the women you originally wanted are more likley to then find you more attractive becuase you aren't so needy , and you'll be more confident and experienced.

[@AEH-df7ho]

I got to the point when I can't get turned on by women who I see as lower than 7/10. And since then trying to date them is useless and a waste of time, because I know I don't want them won't get aroused by them.

[@sexycesc]

As a man who has had no sex at all for a long drought, I still refuse to sleep with women who I cannot get it up for. I have full respect for men who choose to end their drought with someone who I do not at all find attractive enough to get it up for but I will not be following suit. This is just a personal choice. But an interesting video thank you for this.

[@larutmrs3313]

I think the same way, if I don´t find her attractive it´s a nono for me, I havent had sex in a long time but I have things going on in my life that I enjoy, and those are my priorities

[@stevenhs8821]

Your willy won't work for a women who is a 4 or 5? Hmm. Wondering how the human race survived.

[@sexycesc]

@@stevenhs8821 Yeah I understand what you are saying, mate. I really do. It is probably a more deep-rooted issue than that. And no, definitely not because of porn. I have only watched that once in the past two and a half years- maybe just an obsession with the type of women I want that I consistently cannot get. So, while I totally get what you are saying, I guess this one is more on me. And as you said about a 4 or a 5, I even have been rejected by them countless times despite showing a genuine interest in them and not doing it as 'sport fucking' but genuine interest based on a few things I found attractive about them. So this is not me being overly picky at all I realize that I am, myself, only a little bit better than average as a man and that means that I am as realistic as I can be. But, as you hear a lot on KZbin videos that are quite right these days about women's' dating choices, they do only look for something bigger and better, physically and in several other ways. I have recently encountered situations where every guy a women has chosen over me (a woman that I wanted), he has ALWAYS - and I mean ALWAYS- been at least two inches or three taller than me. Is this a surprise? I don't think so and neither do you. For the record I am 5 foot 9.

[@Filthy_Larry]

@@larutmrs3313 I’m a 41 year old virgin and that’s a long story, but sex isn’t important enough for me to lower my standards. Just because I ain’t getting any doesn’t mean I have to get something.

[@stevenhs8821]

To me it is not even a matter of lowering your standards. A woman's initial attractiveness can fade after 15 minutes of conversation. Likewise 15 minutes of conversation with a low initial attractiveness woman can be super sexy.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

This is also very true! And not enough men appreciate this because they're too focussed on what 'status' a woman's initial hotness can impart onto him

[@xMckingwill]

You cant say that dont you know men olny deserve the hottest women without doing any work to get them?

[@camels9654]

I think the biggest thing this video forgets you say, and this is critical, is you have to be attracted to her personality at the very least. If you have a girl who is thick, and your personalities really work together, even though she might not be very good looking, you can still have a great time with them and they usually are good in bed. If you're with a girl who is ugly and her personality is terrible, don't try this, you won't enjoy it and the sex will be awful.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Yep I agree with this!

[@markblackhurst6925]

Really, I’d settle for a tepid woman if I could get one 😂

[@encikwad2057]

pretty sure there's a lot of man out there with no standard at all

[@redxder7455]

1. How do you raise or lower your standards? Attraction is not negotiable (not for me). Personally, I disagree with your statement that sleeping with an average woman is still better than pleasuring yourself. I slept with average women who hit on me just to try it out, and it didn't bring anything for me. It was always a waste of time, no fun; usually, it didn't even lead to orgasm for me. If I am not attracted to her, so why have sex with her? I don't get it. You have to invest time and nerves to get her to sleep with you and then for what? Masturbation spares you time and money and has the same (or better) effects. So, I only go for women 8+, but those are never 'on the market'; I failed to find a solution to this problem. It would be easy for me to get endless sex with average women but I can't find joy in it; the women I like are never single. Dating is just frustrating. I guess that subconsciously I only go after "reproduction-worthy" women, but those are so rare. 2. Why did sleeping with undesirable women should raise your self-esteem? For me, it had the opposite effect. I felt bad after sleeping with an average woman. The reason is that I noticed that many women want me (so I am attractive for most women), yet I can't find a partner. That makes being lonely even worse.

[@xMckingwill]

Then get a dog ? Your methood you described. How is that working for you? Obviously it isnt. In addition i see why you are lonely and cant get a relationship. All I hrard from you is you only seek women for sex and your own pleasure and nothing else. You view dating as a quest to "Fuck" the hottest women not find a partner or mother to your children. There is a reason why you see many succesfull men with relativly average women. No matter how hot a woman is being with her regularly she becomes "average" as her novelty of her looks wear off. Nothing you described points to build a meaningfull connection to a women and building a relationship. No self respecting women would want to be with someone like that. You idea of reproduction worthy women is objectivly false as most average women are reproduction worthy bevause they carry the most passed on traits.

[@redxder7455]

@@xMckingwill Where id you see that I only seek women for sex? Exactly the opposite is true as I clearly mentioned. I said that I am not interested in just getting sex, and most important, I am looking primarily for women who are "reproduction-worthy”, meaning a woman who can be a potential lifelong mate, who has a great character, who is physically and mentally healthy, who is educated, cute, warm-hearted and likely a good mother. As you mentioned, hotness fades with time but the core character traits remain. But those high-quality women are rare and usually taken as other men recognise the value in these women as well. Attractiveness does not equal looks, it is the combination of character traits and physical appearance. You also do not get the point of reproduction-worthy. Average women are not reproduction-worthy for attractive males, as that would mean to dilute the ‘good’ gene-pool with average genes. Attractiveness is directly linked to fertility cues, so the physically more attractive women have likely a higher reproductive fitness. In biology we call this assortive mating; a male 9 will unlikely marry a female 5, because it doesn’t fit (and vice versa).

[@xMckingwill]

@@redxder7455 i said based on what you described it seems that what you goa is. And i get what you mean now and fair enough high quality women of that caliber are rare but many average women have all the other traits you seek but are not 8 which you describes as you are only going for "8's" in attractiveness which exclude most women so there is your issue. HENCE why damion said LOWER YOUR STANDARDS at least relative to looks. "Average women are not reproduction-worthy for attractive males, as that would mean to dilute the ‘good’ gene-pool with average genes." you seem not to understand how genes and evolution works my guy the best suitable genes are the one that get passed on more often and are the "average genes" for example being 6ft is considered highly attractive yet despite that only 13% percent of men are 6ft plus meaning its not passed on as much meaning its the NOT actually "Best" or ideal genre or trait".

[@redxder7455]

@@xMckingwill Actually, I am a scientist with a PhD in evolutionary biology :-) I understand your point with lowering standards, but that's why I posed my question in the first place: "How?" For me, my feelings for a woman are not negotiable; either I am sexually attracted to her or not (and for most women, all the 1-7s, I am not). I don't see how it should be possible to lower standards. That may work if you have a bucket list of requirements (boob size, hair color, education level etc..), then you can just delete some dealbreakers from your list, but the sexual attraction does not work like this. I have several awesome female friends, we understand each other deeply and we have a close connection; but I know that never ever something will happen between us, simply because there is a lack of sexual attraction.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Hey RedX - Thank you for sharing your experience... I want to start by saying that I don't know you personally (obviously) but that my thoughts here are just that.. thoughts based on very little - based on other men I've worked with in the past who have sounded somewhat similar. I preface this because I want to make clear that I'm not taking a stab at you or making assumptions - just suggestions. When I read what you've written - I feel like there is shame/shadow lurking around your feelings about women. I can't say why I feel this.. I think I sense a mild arrogance rather than confidence - you're most likely an intelligent, attractive man, I have no reason to doubt that - but the way you write feels more arrongant than self confident on a gut level. Arrogance lurks where shame likes to play. I can be completely wrong about you - but just giving the vibe I'm picking up. It might be the case that you just have a very locked attraction scale with women which is unusual but not unbelievable. If that's the case, you can't lower your standards because you have 0 attraction capability.

[@dedeborya9015]

Naw - keep your standards high. Go spend that time, effort, money on learning a new skill, language, side gig, old car. remember 5-3 / 178 lbs is now "stunning and brave". Play as you will. I am out - for decades and 1000s of miles. 2-3 cm of intermittently moist epidermis around a well traveled hole just really ain't worth the waste of time / drama.

[@Maecenus]

this is what i’ve been trying to tell my friends but they don’t understand what i’m saying. i’m just told to lower my standards over again. i guess that means i’m right at the point where i’m in the right direction…

[@Filthy_Larry]

@@Maecenus your friends sound like jerk offs. I had a friend like that one time. He went out with a fat under educated single mom and advised me to do the same if I wanted to get laid. That’s appalling.

[@Cloxxki]

Me until 2020: ever higher standards, ever more success. Me after 2020: any woman who doesn't smoke, doesn't start about gender fluidity and BLM and opted of of the covid shots, I need to get to know before I pass judgment. It's become slim pickings.

[@PowderChaser]

:) Sounds like you're looking for a real winner hahaha Opted out of covid shot.

[@Thefew12]

This world is trash 😂.

[@ifeelhalfnaked484]

but classic saying, ''i would rather get a hot girl pregnant, than an overweight girl pregnant'', it's in our DNA~

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

I've never heard this saying... I mean it's true, but not sure how that related - I use protection with no intention of getting ANYONE pregnant until I'm good and ready.