Why Men Withdraw in a Relationship

[@Justdiggins]

I have been celibate for 4 yrs now... not by choice at first lol, but has definitely Improved the quality of women I decide to let into my life, put simply, I started thinking with the right head👍

[@eileenpillmeier3270]

Mary love your videos. Short. Sweet and to the point. Very helpful.

[@jacquelynhorton7563]

Short and useful info, easy to receive and factual

[@melkerner]

For me, withdrawal was my reaction to myself being emotionally flooded - too much chaos, too many triggers constant dysregulation. Combined with the removal of all physical and emotional intimacy and being replaced by the dogs, kids and cellphone. All attempts to communicate or connect were simply brushed off, eye rolled or minimized.

[@eileenpillmeier3270]

High conflict parents for him as a child. Plus sex addiction. He is learning to identify feelings now. Doing the work. Good to see observable action.

[@Outdoor_Cycling_Adventures]

I have discovered your videos after my wife revealed to me that she has been having an emotional affair with a guy I asked her to not talk 2 nearly 10years ago. She informed me about 1year ago after finding her phone that they have been communicating and she indicated that it was just once a month a few texts here and there as friends. Only to discover that since we have been having a difficult time since COVID19 she has now developed feelings for this guy. She asked me to work on our relationship and suggested that we go and see a counsellor. The reason why she suggested this was because before she left for holiday with the kids to visit our family in another country, before she left about 2month departure she asked for a divorce. I then had to inform my family that we have been having issues and I asked my sisters to speak to here and hear how it is that they can help with support because we are raising 3kids another country and very isolated here for the most part, living under their routine and our work schedule basically. I formed my family of this guy that I have found her chatting to and she told me that they are just friends. My sisters then confronted her and she tried to defend it by saying that they were just friends and was very upset with me about telling them about him, her mom then found out because her sister was present on the day she took the kids to my sisters house. Her sister was also surprised and she had to tell her mum about the guy later that day when she went back to her mums place. I didn’t know about them still chatting after she told me about the texts 1year ago, I basically believed her that they were just friends and decided to trust her. When came back home after the Dec holidays she informed me that they have been communicating a lot more for about 6-9 months and that they have decided to stop it. I was shocked and decided to ask more questions and investigate this information that I have now received. My hopes were that when they return we would discuss this divorce decision that she made before she went on holiday to find out if we can go to see a specialist to try and work things out - instead I discover that while I was struggling to find a way to talk to her after the many failed attempts over the years she has been sharing herself with someone that I asked her not to talk to and believed when she told me that they were just friends. I found out during my investigation that when she went on holiday she met up with this guy in the other country where he lives and which is the same city where our family lives in, she told me that only met up for one day to basically end it over lunch - he suggested it she says but what I found was calls made to his number on the days to follow around midnight for over an hour. I pad the phone bills in the house so I have records and paid for her to use her phone abroad “roaming”. Initially when she told me about their closer friendship she said they ended it before she left and she hasn’t spoken to him since. But my evidence reveals something else, when I share this information with her she then tried to rationalise it but ended up sending me an apology text saying that she didn’t want to let me know how close they got. She has been telling this guys everything about relationship and how bad of a person I am etc. My question is, why did she tell me? I wasn’t going to find out had she not told me. Was this for her or for me? Was it for the relationship that she now wants to go and speak to a specialist about? I have to mention that when she told me about their texting more frequently about 1 year ago - I asked her to not speak to him about our kids and our relationship and just to stop it. I was shocked to find out that this has gotten that far and didn’t know what to do or how to approach it because we were dealing with a-lot of unresolved issues at the time anyway so I just kept to myself and focussed on my work. She demanded about 1year ago immediately after telling about their texting for us to go and c someone and for me to arrange it but at that time I was so shocked and confused I didn’t know what to do. And then before she went on holiday she told me about the divorce. Did I neglect to take advantage of an opportunity that could have prevented them from getting closer and developing whatever they did? What is hurtful I asked her to be open with me and tell me everything she did and how much of herself she compromised but she deleted all the evidence and have just been unforthcoming. Any feedback on this would highly appreciated @mary

[@melkerner]

I would recommend having a paternity test to ensure the children are actually yours.

[@HaulingStuff]

You’re on point with everything

[@MagicalBlingBling93]

Every time I need him emotionally he shuts down and withdraw

[@MaryJoRapini]

I think you would benefit greatly talking to a therapist. Go by yourself & see if you can get strategies that will help him let his walls down.

[@saras.2173]

Hope you’re not still with him…that is unacceptable.

[@generatingideas]

these short videos are good but the volume is way too low

[@MaryJoRapini]

Really? When I listen to them they sound good. Thanks for your comment, we can try to amplify it.

[@generatingideas]

@@MaryJoRapini It's possible that my old computer speakers are worn out... but they're pretty quiet on my new phone too! God bless your generosity in sharing your knowledge! Thank you!

[@GRYDE2000]

Good video. Volume is super low

[@3840441]

Yes Volume is very low

[@Joshua-wj3wg]

If a man withdraws from his woman it is because he was emotionally attacked and or abused..hes one step away from leaving or losing his shyt

[@charlesstanford1310]

How can she get *him* to open up when *she's* upset? Being present for a woman when she's sad, giving my sympathy and especially offering my strength to comfort her - that is very different than opening up my own emotions to her. Why would you conflate these things? It makes no sense for you to be talking one minute about a man's willingness to offer attention and comfort for a woman's distress and then in the blink of an eye talk about men's hangups with expressing our own feelings. These are two completely different things, and the way you conflate them smells smug and manipulative. How about this: men "withdraw" - that is, we self-censor in the expression of our own feelings in relationships - because we predict that the women we're with believe that their feelings are the proper standard and barometer of the health or goodness of the relationship, and that if we start acting like our feelings matter as much as theirs, they will accuse us of being selfish, entitled, not sensitive enough to their feelings etc. Of course we're going to get jerked around with this confusion of "why won't you open up to me?" but a man who's paying attention learns pretty quickly: a woman is not disposed to care about his feelings. You showed it in your own presentation: to a woman, a man's emotional "openness" only properly means his availability to comfort her. Far better for a man to put up with a woman's frustration at his emotional reticence than to draw her wrath and contempt for sharing too much of his own feelings.