Why Narcissists Discard Their Targets So Cruelly

Why do narcissists discard their targets/victims and what do they get out of it. This video looks at this manipulation and it’s efficiency for the narcissist. Understanding the motivation behind such an action can help a person heal, understanding that they are not experiencing a loss in reality but rather a fake person who was the opposite of what they presented to be.
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[@Anita-bj2nv]

The Big discard woke me up. Before that i was sleeping, in the fog, brainwashed, naive. Im very greatfull for these videos. You explain things so well.

[@craigy691]

Spot on I’ve just woken up after being away from her for 3 weeks I’m been soo stupid

[@lorrainehewlett984]

“You lose a problem, someone who gets off on your pain.” It is SO true. My Narc ex-partner admitted, “I tortured you.” OMG! He also admitted, “I have an intellectual understanding of compassion but I don’t live in it.” He did not do what his psychotherapist and our couples counsellor told him that he needed to do, in order to improve the relationship. It was hopeless. He was very sophisticated in his ability to attract women. He was charming, funny, wealthy, well-travelled, went to Broadway plays, comedy shows, music concerts, etc. He had a real Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde/ Bruce Banner-The Incredible Hulk personality. He could be SO lovely but he had a monster inside him. I have heard it said that Narcissists fake being a real person.

[@yathome5596]

Darling you were with a sociopath.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Yes, you are right. They are empty,soulless, and therefore ideal for a demon to "run" him. Do not pity them. They know wrong from right. They feel pain and embarrassment, when it concerns their own ego. Oh yes they have a huge ego..self centered, with the true self not present. Be glad (even if it is painful and may huer YOUR ego), be glad when he leaves. Good riddance. And don't fall for his tears and whining and promises. A narc acquaintance once told me (when the wine had loosened his tongue) that he took some acting lessons to learn to modulate his voice and gestures, AND learn how to weep convincingly. He was preparing for a big "hovering campaign" of a woman who happened to be a friend of mine. Forewarned she accepted a job overseas.

[@Adrianafaith123]

I finally told the narc that I dated "you're really hard on me" and he AGREED to it. He knew what he was doing!!! I always gave him the benefit of the doubt by thinking he was unaware and unconscious of his own behavior, but he KNEW what he was doing was affecting me negatively. Always going on about a mutual friend who is way more prettier than me..he knew I was insecure about my looks and he capitalized on that as well! When I had one foot out the door he started threatening me with "sleeping with someone else who was SO beautiful"! This was all texted. our fights were texts which is very unsatisfactory for me. Actually, our relationship was via text even though I'd see him in person. We spent more time texting each other than we did actually spending time together, but it still really hurt.

[@lorrainehewlett984]

@@Adrianafaith123 That’s awful! Some narcissists can be quite sadistic. They know what they are saying to you is hurtful and what they are doing to you is wrong. They just don’t care. When a person has no empathy or compassion for others, there is no real limit/check on their destructive behaviour. They can pretend to be nice/loving during the lovebombing stage. They can fake being a real person for short periods of time. But it’s hard work for them and eventually their narcissistic nature reveals itself. And it’s not pretty. It can be hard to walk away (because of the good times and the trauma bond) but it’s the only way you can have peace of mind. Best wishes to you!

[@Xwaterwicca]

The ex narc I was dealing with literally told me “ I’m going to stop being so mean to you, because you’re dealing with alot of problems” I was depressed suxcidal lonely while I had my supposedly “boyfriend” being extremely mean and evil

[@kateelderson]

It is true: there are a lot of narcissists on dating sites. Very good at 'mirroring' and lying their heads off, so beware!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Stay off them f up sites 🙏🏽💯💯🙏🏽💯

[@garycordle5295]

If your discarded by them consider it a blessing 🙏 I myself went through hell and on my little silent treatment I started KZbin ING and found out the dirty little secret NPD covert narcissist and I started pulling away and didn't stop and then the plandemic happened and I moved to a different town, and been no contact for 2 years now, the trauma bond was awful but I educated myself, went fishing and getting out in nature riding my Harley etc, now I'm healed up and feel so much better, just take your time on the healing process and learn it's not your fault and learn to let go of toxic people and thoughts 💭 that don't serve you nothing at all, observe don't absorb and once you know you go you get out and you stay out 🙏👍 Paula thanks for the video 🦋

[@alimccreery755]

My feelings exactly 👍 what a relief

[@dodibenabba1378]

It's amazing what good therapy a motorbike is Gary, I've got a Bonneville it helps me to stop ruminating, because you've got a choice either stop ruminating or kill yourself on your bike! 😂😂😂 14 months passed the discard now after 33 year relationshit. All the best!

[@fridaypeaches497]

The trauma bond is absolutely horrible. I’m out of the home and he doesn’t know my location. It’s all so very confusing , and it does take a lot of work and self education .

[@lalani888blue]

Took me year's and a lot of unraveling...Walked around in an ever present fog. Then one day I met a woman at work who recognized the signs in me. She knew all about NPD which was a blessing but she herself extremely controlling. The videos really helped but I had so much work to do. Having children with the narc makes it that much tougher. His presence is always just there. When I met him back in the early 90's there were no videos. It's been an extremely difficult road but finally this year I'm planning to travel! I can't wait explore MORE of life! God bless us all 🙏🎁💌

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙌🙌🙌

[@kemeu_]

So true ! The narc left me because he couldn't control me enough. I was/am too strong ! 👍👏

[@aprilj2399]

Me too! I left after 4 months of marriage.

[@GLeon-ov9yu]

They feel entitled to access you at anytime even after the final discard. Their narcissistic ego is so large that they can kick you to the curb & then act like nothing happened.

[@johnnycorn7225]

I got one to stay away by telling her my love attention time effort energy and resources are all valuable and get me what I want. If you want any more of it you're going to have to earn it. 4 yrs gone now, give her that frame to step into and she won't come back. Have no mercy on women that use their sexuality against you, you preyed upon my biggest weakness so now you will feel my greatest strength.

[@claudialange1484]

So true!

[@lorrainehewlett984]

“So they can have a portfolio of investments.” That was brilliant, Paula. They also expect a $5000 return on their $5 investment.

[@coolgirly6454]

Yes, this is a wonderful rhetorical description.

[@BENTAYGA2]

I got a tray of Costco dog food 😂

[@maryarchangel2131]

The 'Big D' was torture. I just wanted the pain to stop. No matter what he did, or said, I would have taken him back. Thank God, he kept going. He found a woman who was younger than I, with a lovely house and only one child. (We had three!) It took about three years before I felt joy in my life again. I laughed again. Now, thanks to videos like this, I realise what I had been dealing with for 15 years. I was discarded every 4 years, and he would beg to come back. This last D was more cruel than the others. I know now that it was because I was just about to graduate and he was insanely jealous. He tried to destroy me, but I kept going with my degree. I was trauma bonded and suffered from PTSD for years after the Big D. But, I survived and my children are now also experts on NPD. Thank you, Paula, and your contributors. You don't know how helpful you all are!!

[@4343diamond]

Thankyou Paula this video is very powerful for me

[@kingagrad3436]

"Subconsciously they know you are the prize but they aren't going ever ever ever admit that 😄"

[@xenajade6264]

I've watched many different channels on this topic. And imho Paula is the most compassionate of all. A pleasure to watch and very well explained. My ex partners were like this, they would build me up to believe I was their soul mate then cruelly discard me due to some defect only they could see. Shatters your world and destroys all your self esteem..... until you learn the reality. My love to all here going through this, it does get better.💚💚

[@LeeDawson-sm2bh]

I agree , for me learning about all this was closure.

[@Vashti0825]

I ran into a former narc friend over the weekend. We used to hike together for years and would often run into "former friends" of hers. I'm now in that category suffering through that superficial "how are you" nonsense. I guess that's better than the alternative. It was a deliberate discard back then. I didn't even know what narcissism was.. but thanks to videos like yours, I've learned so much. I'm now divorcing my narc husband and re-discovering myself after 10 years of caretaking. It's a new chapter with eyes wide open. The greatest lesson was learning about myself.

[@madelinehodges9009]

You can be rest assured that by the time the narcissist decides to ambush and discard you, they have found your replacement. They make sure that there is a well groomed new supply prior to eliminating you.

[@richnbeautyme2813]

yep.

[@harleyfsbo3027]

Of course! These parasites cannot survive on their own.

[@ladyvirgo013]

💯

[@craigy691]

That’s what I’m just going through my wife said there’s no one else but I found texts snapchats moved out when I found them and she’s never been ahappier thrown me away like old pair of socks

[@SenSakura-dj6bq]

And if it goes wrong with the new supply, they always leave the door open to you with some ambiguities or manipulations. And if things messy, they can ping pong between you and the new supply to triangulate both, make both jealous and have massive control over the situation.

[@roxanne2977]

The final discard was the harshest I think because he knew I knew he was a narc and was trying to go NC. The insults were deep and he knows I’d love an apology or to fix those things I’m triggered about, but I choose to stay NC. They are cold hearted.

[@alimccreery755]

The only pain I will be experiencing is that I got involved in the first place and ignored the red flags. I take some responsibility for getting involved in the first place and just confirms that I don’t trust myself when it comes to relationships. My bad 😞

[@dodibenabba1378]

It's not your bad, all you've probably been is loving, supporting kind and compassionate. The problem is that you met predator demoniacs who want to destroy that and siphon your spirit. I bet you've never lavished love and kindness on yourself, I bet you were taught that was a selfish thing to do. It isn't. Take time apart from relationships, learn to live with yourself. Learn to sit through the uncomfortable truths, they're never as big and scary as you first think. You'll begin to love yourself, and then you'll be able to trust yourself. Then you'll be better at discerning who's suitable and who's not. Don't be so desperate to have friends/partner that you'll take anyone and be deceived again. Be comfortable with your own company, loneliness is a spirit cast it out. I've had to do all of these things, 14 months on from an absolute brutal discard after a 33 year relationshit. You're valuable, treat yourself so. 🙌🕎

[@alimccreery755]

@@dodibenabba1378 Thank you for your words. The thing is I have spent a lot of time alone and I don’t mind it, I feel at peace when I’m by myself and with my dog and cat. I have a very long story that goes with why I am who I am and in a way I’m greatful to have the opportunity to dig deeper into myself and start the process of working it out. I can’t say heal yet because I’m still living in the house of one of my abusers. I need the security of a job besides my SS in order to move forward. I’m 67 years old and I’m keeping the faith. Another counselor had said that it’s hard to move forward when you’re around the person who has helped to get you in that dark place because it’s a reminder and it’s true. I avoid this person as much as possible, I grey rock and stonewall because it’s necessary. I refuse to give supply no matter how much this ahole tries to trigger me. My frustration comes and goes but that’s the way it is. I have my art which relaxes me and ski season is coming up so I get really happy and excited about that. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way 👋😁

[@crencottrell7849]

​@alimccreery755 hi Ms. Ali. Hope you've been healing since you posted this comment nearly a year ago. I have had a real problem being a narc magnet as far as developing friendships with people who had narc tendencies/jerk tendencies when I've been friends with them (and ignoring their unlikable tendencies). Those same people have always been jerks towards me once they discarded me and refuse to reconcile with me. I've been mad at them of course for deliberately hurting me with their words but I've been mad at myself for ignoring all the red flags. It's nice to know there are so many narc abuse survivors out there encouraging each other. Even though we're strangers, I'm rooting for your full recovery 😉😊.

[@alimccreery755]

@@crencottrell7849 I’m out of a few narc relationships but I still have one more and I will be out of the house soon. My full recovery isn’t going to happen until I’m out. My little dog passed away last June and I’m still in the shock and grieving stages so I get a double whammy.

[@kevinowens6010]

Narcs don't come with warning labels in the beginning. You can have a normal relationship ONLY if you spend $150 dollars on a complete back ground ck. CHEAP!!! That does not lie!

[@dianacordova9554]

The best analysis of the meaning behind the "Big Discard" I have seen. You've really captured the essence and the malevolence behind it. Viewing it from the point of view of "losing a very big problem" is helpful in terms of healing. Thank you for your good work and your excellent and very clear explanations.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@transitionsnc]

Paula ~ Great video, as always. These sentences jumped out at me. "What you've lost is a problem...If you want to live your life in a shadow of another, then you will consider it a loss...If a narcissist has left you, they've left you because you're too strong for them." What you are describing in this video is similar to mind control. Would love to see a video on your personal story if you ever feel comfortable sharing it publicly. Love your sweater! All the best to you.

[@silveraruchi2421]

My ex actually told me to my face that am too strong for him, that we will never get back together he's seeing someone else now.

[@Gemdog5521]

To the point as always Paula....Great video and explanation absolutely spot on ...Thank you so much for your help .. I now see my discard as "THE GREAT ESCAPE " Loving life again free from all the horrible things you never really see happening to yourself, slowly being tortured by the very person you adore and love the evil 😈 twisted mind of the narcissist is almost alien 👽 as to what they do to good honest people....

[@chriscole5990]

The narcissist love to pray on loving human beings like us! Remember the devil only comes to kill steal and destroy!

[@selfloveforever7901]

💯

[@Summermoon7.]

The worst is when they discard yet still are desperate to keep you around when the initial relationship is over and they have a new victim. That’s when we get constantly devalued cause they are angry you couldn’t be controlled

[@Sands-nd1cu]

So glad these podcasts are available. Never knew about it until it happened to me, and people do not understand that this is not a “normal “ breakup. You have helped me so much.

[@francoisgouws7288]

The discard is the most vicious form of gaslighting!

[@annetterhynold5177]

I finally left him over 3 years ago after 36 years together, 34 married. I didn't know what a narcissist was. Well it is my ex husband to a tee. I will never allow anyone to control me again. I love your videos. They are so helpful.

[@miajohnson9617]

Well done , Annette, they steal so much of our time.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Congratulations, I hope your future is a happy one.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@Oceansgreen]

Same, 34 years married 36 years together, we separated, got back together for another year, nothing changed. Been no contact now for six months, don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy, I still have bad days where I feel totally lost, alone, anxious, feel as if half of me is missing but, I’m hoping with time those feelings will fade and eventually go for good. He did me a lot of mental and physical damage over the years, probably what I’m experiencing now is withdrawal symptoms from being with someone for so long… I’m 63 now and I’m hoping that for what life I have left I will be happy… no more men for me though…. Once bitten, twice shy!!!! All my love to everyone who has experienced life with a narcissist, or still is.. my advice to these people is get out now!! 🩷

[@selfloveforever7901]

It’s awful I was discarded after 34 years of marriage never knew what a narcissist was until then. You don’t know while you are in the fog it’s only when the rose coloured glasses came off that you can see all that went on. The games they played. True manipulators, sick people.

[@AllisonWilkins-m9x]

I lost a nightmare. I didn’t want the relationship any longer due to the level of abuse and had been making plans to separate when he discarded. When I look back I know how lucky I was to get him out of my life. The hardest day is never as hard as a day with my ex narc

[@juttalarosa4944]

Very well said!!! That's just how it is!!! Healing will come to all of us! It's a rough journey but at the end we'll arrive at the destination: sunshine and happiness! ❤

[@Sastoxica]

You have helped me so much. Your videos really pulled me out of the dark abyss of the discard. I recently went back and realized it was a big mistake two weeks later and left him. He was worse. More evil. More heartless. It was just so bad. But you get it. You literally hit the nail on the head. I listen to you as I go to sleep and it calms my anxiety because I know I’m not crazy. Thank you for all you do for us. ❤

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

You definitely aren't crazy.

[@bernitacenteno1326]

Going back indicates to the narcissist that you are stupid and you deserve it. Of course that's not true. They deserve to be treated badly. You deserved to be treated better, but they get their narcissistic supply from out of how they treat you, good or bad. You can't ever win because they have a character disorder among their many flaws which works for them. If bad evil behavior is their desire they will to go for it and they do. Need I describe it ? They discusst me flaws.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@Mocheesemoeugene]

If you're missing the Narcissist just think of them as a former employer , working for a supervisor that always singles you out . No matter how much of a good job , there was always something they found in your performance to write you up about and they inevitably terminate you from the job without giving you any clear reason why. Ironically this is a scenario but it happened to me and the covert narcissist I believe pulled the trigger by calling the job. it is feasible when you're with the narcissist and they try to get you fired or sabotage your friends around you , it is also narcissists who buy into the lies . BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE

[@Xwaterwicca]

@19:14 this have completely given me peace….. everything you described in this video is spot on. The narc I was dealing with lost complete control of me and I forced him to discard me. I was demanding him to do better and he hated me for picking at his flaws

[@brendab.5111]

The discard didn’t bother me. I was so done. So tired of the b.s. The slandering and lying about me didn’t bother me either. I didn’t expect it, but I just counted it as part of the cost of getting free. I was even ready to let everything I had even my family pictures, everything go to get free. What still puzzles me though is how he was able to paint a picture of himself, a hulking 6’2” (I’m 5’1” tall) giant into a poor little victim of this terrible terrible person who “abandoned” poor little him…and people bought it. He was anything but a victim. I was his prisoner. I couldn’t breathe and was drowning. There was his terrible abuse not only from him but from his family too. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn, no one to talk to, not even the courts. His grip was such that people (his friends and family) called me names in the street. It was quite awful. The only way I could get free was by asking him for a divorce which he “allowed” only under the condition that I not contest it, and he be awarded everything. Otherwise I would suffer the humiliation of him throwing everything and the kitchen sink at me. I had to stay silent and allow him to make false allegations or else. So that’s how it was. I caution everyone to stay away from narcissists. Learn and recognize the signs and don’t go near. They will take everything from you and try to ruin your life. Then cry to anyone who will listen to them about how horrible you were to them.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

They are master manipulators, they abuse us and claim to have been abused themselves, and they're believed. I'm glad for your safety and sanity you got free. Hopefully your ex's cruelty comes back to haunt him somehow!!

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@AllisonWilkins-m9x]

The day after the discard I changed the locks so he couldn’t return. He broke in after 2 months but the locks were changed again. Good riddance

[@Oceansgreen]

Bless you🥰I know exactly what you’ve been through. They are soooo good at playing the victim and people/family believe them only because they are also so good at hiding their true selves, we, the abused are mostly the only ones who see their true colours. I’m glad you got away and I hope you find peace and happiness🥰

[@claudialange1484]

Your story saddens me, as i know exactly how it feels, having gone through it myself. Hope you receive all the goodness you deserve!!!!!!

[@jjones4314]

Another great video! Making sense of the insanity inflicted on us by the narcissist! Even though he's been out of my life for a couple of years, the sting of his many betrayals still lingers! But I'm WELL on my way to healing & have no desire to re-live that nightmare again! Good riddance!

[@juliehornsby9671]

Normal thinking people who have not experienced the narcissist, will assume that the narcissist thinks like them and are shocked by the narcissist stories and lies and that's why the believe what's being told to them

[@shannong.]

Thank you Paula, I only recently found your channel but you are so on point with everything. About a month before I was discarded I found out what he actually was. He'd been threatening to leave for months before he actually did. I had suffered such mental abuse in those last few months that I was actually relieved when he did go. Months later he came back asking what I wanted to do, as in, could he move back. He really thought I'd literally fall apart without him. I just laughed and told him he was no benefit to me. He left, disgusted. I stayed strong through many more hoover attempts and although it's been over 1.5yrs it's still taking time to heal but I'll get there. Thank you again for your insightful videos.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

You should feel proud of yourself. 👍🙌

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@darrellbutler884]

The overall result, possibly in many cases of this kind of demonic assault, may be equal to spiritual murder. As we gain knowledge unto our recovery from such a vicious attack, we can also help save prescious lives. Eyes wide open! Protect your life.❤

[@lynnh4786]

You don’t lose anything by exiting a narcissist these type of people are just diabolical period. My ex better not come around me I know that much. I have learned believe me. Love ❤️ and blessings to you!

[@bridgetbanwell3582]

I thought I was going to die of heart break... So months on, I am happy again

[@sheilamurry9875]

A person commented,"To be discarded,you must of been doing something right and are/be strong.......that is SOOO TRUE....... Second guessing yourself sabotages that you forget the good and how your open to the not so good to bring on solutions but then again your in the narcissistic fog and may have setbacks. That's when you slowly 🐌 forget yourself and what you brought to the relationship/s. Don't forget your well intentions that was being stifled by a person who has no conscience or respect

[@tombigger53]

This is a good analysis of my experience and very encouraging. She was a Lawyer/ Judge with experience as an Assistant DA prosecuting Child Abuse. She learned that of the three types of criminal abuse of sexual, physical and Emotional abuse Emotional Abuse was the weapon of choice to get her Supply from me. Thank God my marriage counselor literally threw her out of his office later to me exclaiming “ Tom, She is Poison “ and she wanted me dead. I was astounded and completely ignorant of Narcopathy and “NarcoPaths” . Just unbelievable… cruel. Thank you for your wisdom and sincere empathetic teaching. You give me much encouragement on my future.

[@lishik7712]

Wow, my psychotherapist showed my ex-husband the door, thanked him for coming & closed the office door behind him! He sat back down, handed me a box of tissues & told me to cry, to do whatever I needed to do but that my husband had a deep-seated rage that had nothing to do with me. That was my ex's only time to make an appearance in counseling & he immediately launched a character assassination. All those years of me begging him to go to counseling & I got my validation immediately. I'm glad we both escaped the abusers! Congratulations to you!

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Counseling for a narc? Hahaha. Never. They either wear the narc mask and act chaing or victimized, or they are soooo afraid that a professional might hurt see through him. Through him, you see the narc is empty and has to fill / feed himself on having created misery for another.

[@diatonicjon]

Deep down they are developmentally delayed and are essentially still children. No amount of grandiosity or delusions of self grandeur will undermine this reality. The trash took itself out and the universe did you a favor if you were blindsided/discarded. Learn the lesson and heal, because better things are coming. And yes, there will be a reaping of what is sewn.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

I would see it as a positive thing when the narc discards. Think of all the damage (emotional and physical) they can do, untill YOU, the victim, are finally brave enough ir strong enough to do the leaving. This is not a criticism but an observation.

[@ericnorthman9410]

Mine was Mr. Nice guy to the world and a monster to me.

[@chriscole5990]

Bingo!!! Everything your saying is what describes what happened to me back in January of this year when I was discarded! 💡 She took no part in her shortcomings she just threw everything on me and smeared my name to her family! Spot on Ms Paula! 👍🏾💯💯💯

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🙏🏽💯🙌🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🙏🏽🙏🏽💯

[@craigy691]

Yep it’s just happened to me thankfully I’m well known and well liked and loved so have plenty of people round me she’s only got her family

[@zbgb4339]

I've been watching countless videos on Narcissism since my ex discarded me in July - this video is harrowing for me. Exact description of what I went through to the point it is scary. I don't wish this on anyone. Being discarded and then feeling like an option after 7 years of trying so hard to satisfy someone who was never satisfied. This video made me remember how she initiated our final argument as a couple over a different opinion on a subject she thought she had true authority on and I stood up for myself and said that it was just my opinion and I deserve to have one. I even apologized to her because I knew it was a topic dear to her, but she still only saw it her way. The day she discarded me she passively said she intentionally pushed that fight. Then she gave me a vague "its not you, its me", "I couldn't change" and "I'm doing this for you" reason for breaking up, which of course got me questioning and wondering why, pulling me back in. Only to be completely dismissed and antagonized as I started having mental breakdowns over the situation. I hit my breaking point when I simply asked her for a phone call as I was mentally struggling the one day - what was the response? Rage, blame and the real reason she gave up - a sheer lack of respect. Not to mention her being totally ok with jumping into bed with someone else only a month after she tossed me to the curb. I learned she was hiding a whole new set of friends she would badmouth me to and of course one of them was the one she slept with. She spent months acting like she cared as she sought new supply. Two-faced to the core. Coming from a woman I stood by, said I loved her, as she faked suicidal threats. Yea, I'm done with this game.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@danscott2059]

Same exact situation, except my whorish Narci, was sleeping with Monkey Branch, before the discard, and even got pregnant on our wedding anniversary-----Sad shit!!!

[@zbgb4339]

@@danscott2059 I'm sorry you had to deal with a similar situation and I hope you are doing well on your healing path. Thank you for further validating my own experience. I wouldn't be surprised if my ex was sleeping with people behind my back. Like a lot of people who have dealt with a narc, you start going back through time and revealing little moments that you ignored when you were naive or in the brain fog caused by all the emotional abuse.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

I never knew these people existed till I am 55 seriously 🙏🏽💯🙌💯🙏🏽💯🙌

[@MPR2007]

im 52 it happened to me last year dec 2023. Im blocking her for good. Still ruminating in march 2024

[@selfloveforever7901]

Same here 😢

[@simonfoster634]

This is exactly what happened to me to a T". Thank you for making everything so clear . It explains why they cannot give you closure as it not about us but there control or should I say insecurity.

[@sophiamcleod1841]

Paula I grieved the years and time I cannot get back ! The Financial setback not the emotional con artist ! Thank God my faith remain high and I regain everything but the years and time spent in the relationship ! I discarded him that took some of the Sting out of the hurt ! I went immediate no contact and kept it that way email or text we still have a minor child ! 3 years never look back ! The disrespect was my closure for ever ! I don’t worry who he had or have - He would never come back - I explain to him ( I know you ) text him a list !

[@Cararara1987]

He gave me a STD n I told him and he blocked me..I thought that he will never get in contact again? I thought it was all over now, how can he come back after that 😵

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@morningglory3681]

It is great content even though it has come to me to late in physical life here; I do hope it helps the youth of usa and other countries. They need the Bible too but I never realized that was all the reasons I was rapes and abused by the devils people. They try to steal sacred lives of those we love too. I thank My Lord that some will see his kingdom because they WEREN'T cruel to me. Sacred relationships I have had; I still hold dear in my heart. I don't feel like I lost anyone at all? I never did feel that way past a certain year of my life here. Sacred memories will ALWAYS be mine. Psalm 91:11

[@kobusdevos4984]

Punishment for sure. Mine went onto Facebook and told the world that she is divorcing me before i even knew what was going on. Demonic indeed.

[@Gemdog5521]

Yep everyone knows your fate before you do ....mine was the same ...

[@breakthrough1019]

“ if u want to live your life under the shadow of another ,” Paula .. we lost a liability as you mentioned a “ problem “ they lost an asset … I see good riddance … thank you for this 🙏🏽❤️

[@stevepoole3499]

The controlling aspect is so bang on. The day my narc orginally left me (came back later to collect the rest of her stuff) she did a complete character assasination on me, 99% of which was complete projection, you are literally so stunned by this display by the time you realise what's going on it's too late. These people are pure evil.

[@Mocheesemoeugene]

In rare occasions If you're fortunate enough to discard the narcissist 1st , you've more than lost a problem you've gained a solution (AWARENESS) to your life going forward.BLEZZ#DA CHANGE

[@PassarinvanderWal]

He discarded me for a new supple. Looks dawned at me that I can’t match him…. I hope I can get out of this dark feeling soon. It’s very painful.

[@auntyamelia6906]

"they picked up that you picked up that something was off" (not verbatim) Thankyou Where have you been all my life? This message brings me some resolution and closure

[@neilwendylauren]

This is 100% on point. I was in a five year relationship with a narc, however after 9 months my gut told me it would never work (more fool me, I know). When I knew something wasn't right, I began to do my own research and concluded she was a covert narc. Long story short, she hoovered me (of course) and I decided to go back as an experiment. (Sounds radical, I know). I was waiting for the final discard, and sure enough, it came. As shocking as it was, I was prepared. It's like narcs go to narc school. Videos like this are 100% spot on. My advice - Leave ASAP and go no contact if you can. (I simply wanted confirmation that I was correct in my analysis - because they will never give you closure - narcs don't do that).

[@louisegarner8888]

Yeah, I couldn't be owned or controlled but I did feel increasingly triggered and found myself challenging him back to uplevel himself as I'd asked for time and space to start new work and he made it even more stressful so I had to leave feeling really disappointed in him for not being able to shape up and stabilise himself. It's after you get away that it hits you the hardest, I was amazed to discover myself so compromised, stressed and dysregulated and it's taken about 7 months so far and still going to gradually get myself together enough to feel a heart-warming stable sense of peace, joy, love and laughter again. I know I couldn't ever go back as it'd only get worse, I'd never want to lose parts of myself and just can't lower my standards to that level for someone that doesn't care and I'm seeing is a truly self-serving, impulsive and repulsive hypocrite in hindsight. Lessons learned through pain and grief stick with us for life and once processed empower our purpose. I did leave with a fightback smacking of reactive abuse, there's only been one other time in my life that's happened, which was with my narc sister pressuring me when my father died over 10 years ago and I'm sure it's a narc's way of demanding we "stabilse their emotions for them 🗝" and it all gets too much when we're going through crisis ourselves. So I now know to use my stress levels as a measuring stick to gauge and warn me to pause, slow down, introspect, boundary up so I can act to do the right thing for the right reasons and remove myself from any unnecessary stressors. Thanks for sharing this with us all here, it's a big help to have this kind of support for all going through these situations. 💞🕊️🙌

[@yathome5596]

It’s interesting that my ex Narc would always say that I was too good for him. That was a manipulation for me to supply him with reassurances that he is worthy. The last time he said that before we broke up I agreed with him, I was too good for him. Thank goodness we never cohabitated I was free-ish when we were done.

[@stanleymaestas5441]

There's a video from a month ago titled = the brain of the psychopath. U probably already know the information, but just wanted to share. Nameste ❤️

[@oregonwildboy]

2:00 in the afternoon I love you Aaron Me: well time will tell let's see. 6:00 in the evening. I get sent a picture of her and another man. Pathetic is an understatement. She can stand in whatever demented version of reality she would like. I'm just glad she's gone.

[@christinehow3595]

Just watch a horror film with Demons in . It shows what Narcs are ! And think how lucky you are your be free if they give u big dicard or you discard them lol They are mentally sick . I took him too f... off , that done the trick 😁 Thank you Paula for all your help 👍

[@NarcCon]

🤓

[@christinehow3595]

@@NarcCon Thanks lovely 😊

[@johnoulds3003]

Welllllll at this point I blocked 🚫 her on everything and I changed my number. So if she discarded me I wouldn't even know 🤣. Still healing but happy and stress free. I thank you and others for the information and help.

[@bkpsly1]

Wish I had seen this before my NPD husband lost his job, freaked out, blamed me and decided he needed to get revenge by cheating on me after 27.5 years of marriage, 3 kids, etc. That said, it is still amazing and helpful information you are providing, and so much appreciated. Thank you SO much for the help and support to the survivors of Narcissistic abuse!

[@nosweat2899]

I’m the spirit world there are two kingdoms the light and the darkness

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

You are a mere appliance. And when you stop operating properly, you will be replaced with another.

[@spacegoat7955]

Narcissists seek to destroy that which they cannot control! BTW, they use techniques and tactics which are considered to be torture and are banned even in war conditions (I'm not sure but I think it could be under laws of the Geneva convention)

[@Shirley-t9b]

Flying monkey i should of gone police about them both im angry they caused me and my child harm.

[@firebird3639]

Is it cos im strong or did he leave cos he found better and younger?

[@neveragain733]

Lol, after we had broken up she said she never wanted to speak to me again, and she didnt want to hurt me. I thought to myself, she had been cruel to me for years and now all of a sudden she didnt want to hurt me? Really? Please.

[@elizabethash4720]

I wonder if narcs like music, as they are tone deaf to the true joy of being an empath?

[@gavinwilliams1687]

My word this is so accurate,you’re always on point Paula thank you x

[@twofry64]

I've discarded him but his delusional state of mind hasn't allowed him to accept it. I think he's getting ready to discard me because he's not getting the response from me that he expects. I'm quite okay with letting him believe he discarded me. Whatever it takes to get him to go away. I'm hoping and praying he's working on his new supply. I also hope and pray she's better than me so I can quickly become useless and irrelevant to him.

[@anamikanandy2278]

Discarded narc ex twice hoovered me back while looking for new supply, I knew the script. Prepared for my discard and it finally happened, accepted it - finally free. Let them feel they discarded us even though u did it. Its just ego for them. Blocked narc ex after

[@goldilocks3593]

Good thinking. Let them think whatever they want to. A win for us is having them gone.

[@zonywest4262]

Lol..... 🤣 Right! They're just never satisfied.

[@leslieberclaz6986]

Paula is right everyone , spot on ! The ex narc gave me the big D but now , much to his horror and disbelief I am giving him the big D as in divorce ! 😅 I am laughing again !

[@NarcCon]

🤓😀🙋‍♀️

[@kerstitekko2257]

Last narc abused, still in the fog.

[@teresafraser3049]

This info is truly valuable I'm helping the victim of narcassistic abuse to understand why they can easily discard you at the moment they know your ON TO THEM....I had this happen with several narc friends and siblings. Once they know that they cannot obtain any more supply from you ....they need to be the one to CUT OFF all communication and then start their smear champagne

[@tinylittlebutstillalion4101]

The weird thing is that i put up a bounderi, and i ended up chasing him even though he did nothing to work on the problem. At that time i had just started learning about narzisissem. It is kind of funny that because his New supply is even worse than he is, she helped me see what he really is. So i suppose i have to thank her for that, he is now her toy, and i dont care anymore 😃

[@catnip3987]

So happy to have had a manic episode when all the drama went down. I just switched off my emotions and told her to f* off. I felt terrible about it 2 weeks later apologized 🙄😂but I got rid of her and I'm starting to heal. My mental and emotional well-being is extremely important to me. There's someone better out there for me

[@wesoarhigher8612]

Thanks so much!!! Thank you very much ..., This is just absolutely the truth about these sometimes confusing relationships. We get confused like being spun round and round and round and then let go!!!

[@jostafford3367]

We’ll try this one …. When they disguard you pretend to beg them to come back lure them in wait till they mooved in and got rid of the replacement supply then say to them “ you ain’t disguard ing me in fact I will tell you when your done “ pay to c the look on thier face priceless . Then plan your disappearance . That will cause total narc collapse .

[@darlamckinnon4546]

Paula, did you just say the 'Big D"? 🤭

[@NarcCon]

😮🤓

[@charmee4045]

My discard, was a laundry list of what he was expunges from the relationship. Every trace of me was to be wiped off the face of the earth. He was enraged at the time. He left no stone unturned, it was emotional violence, I was terrified. All of the venom, hatred, resentment came out that he has been storing. Almost as if he had a photographic mind for any injustice real and imagined that he had suffered during our time together. Threw me away like a piece of human garbage with no consideration for me whatsoever. Not really human beings.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Awful cruel creatures

[@ShodakonFury]

I discarded mine last year around this time because I was essentially waking up and becoming myself again, realizing he was taking away my time, energy, and stability. But he tried to hoover me about three months ago while he was dating someone new, essentially cheating on this person and I confronted him about it only to be blamed in the end. I’m in a better frame of mine now since it’s been three months NC, I’m rising through ranks in my job and getting a new raise and bonus, and I’ve also made new friends. It’s also the “anniversary” month of when things started going south between me and the narc. His new person has oddly contacted me without his knowing, wanting to be friends. I’ve been cordial, yet skeptical and let them lead the interaction and he’s been nothing but nice and hasn’t mentioned the narc, bragged, or even flaunted them in any way. He hasn’t even tried to pry me for information. He even mentioned how I seemed really smiley and happy and that it was nice. All of that gives me a gut feeling that he must be discovering and going through the same I did and it also makes me wonder if narcs have the habit of discarding around the same timeframe as their last relationship ended.

[@suzannechurcher1745]

My ex narc partner tried to pull me back into the relationship with a hoover. I was by this time aware of NPD and the narcisstic cycle but I was in a head space of well maybe we could have some form of freindship. However, I wasn't giving him the responses he needed and he said that he believed I got pleasure from his misery. At that point I knew to go no contact as I saw this as his own projection. Thanks to all you therapists out there on YT that inform and educate us so that we can heal from these relationships.

[@hhsg11]

Unfortunately ‘my’ narc picked the wrong one this time. Total love bombing then started knocking me down only to lift back up and the cycle went on. It got to the stage I did answer back and then some, pointing out his faults and he would unleash venom, however he got as good as he gave me. He’s buying me out of the house we bought 4 months ago, I secretly recorded the rage and attempted devaluation a week after we moved in. After one huge row, he said he was putting the house up for sale, I called his bluff and told him to do it. He tried to talk me out of it and I said after all the threats he gave me, we were going through with it. He called off the sale and is buying me out, so now he is back to where he started…with a mortgage for a big 4 bedroom house, (status symbol, he wouldn’t have had it without me putting money in) plus the nearest neighbours know all about him as I told them. He replaced me within 2 days, I couldn’t care less, she is welcome to him, I will be glad to see the back of him, he just didn’t reckon on me. 💪💪💪

[@hhsg11]

I knew something had rattled him last night as he was very quiet after being chatty all weekend , although I wasn’t paying any attention to him. However the minute he came home from work tonight he started, I sat quietly and recorded him…11 separate recordings in less than an hour. Because I wasn’t answering him back, he went on and on about how I had done him a huge favour and he’s moved on to better things and that I will die penniless unless I get a man to leech off, that I’m lazy and doesn’t have anything going for me. I think the nearest neighbour has said something yesterday about what I said although he didn’t mention me recording him for months as the narc wouldn’t have let loose the way he did. He was telling his dogs that he was taking them to see a friend tonight (the new supply) because at least he has friends unlike me who has none…all his friends are women and are ALL EX GIRLFRIENDS and a desperately wannabe one standing in the wings that he torments telling her he keeps in touch with the others and that he’s going to stay a couple of nights with his favourite ex next week then taking the new supply away for a weekend. I sat back and said nothing which he hates that’s why he kept coming back in and throwing more of his rubbish at me. I took none of it onboard as he’s doing it to hurt me and get a reaction which he won’t succeed. He says he will do me for deformation of character as the things I have said are unfounded…..how can it be when I have recorded all his rants?? I’m living in his head rent free just now….😉😉

[@marianleboe3487]

Thank you this is all so very true after 28 years the discard was incredibly cruel it was very hard to accept how anyone could be so incredibly awful. I am so very grateful it’s over but the things he did and said still haunt me Thank you so much I find so much peace in your words it’s so true until one experiences a narcissist no one really can understand what it’s like

[@antonyperks9156]

WOW EVERY WORD HERE IS TRUE ISN'T IT. **THEY ARE THE TARES** NOT Us.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Thank you Paula, this is what I need to keep telling myself, she'd started being evasive and not answering my calls or texts, id started telling her, she's using me, she gives me nothing, I'm not getting anything from our relationship!!! I was so frustrated, I just wanted her to try more. We had a meal on the 2nd of Jan, 2 days later she calls and says she wants something more than our relationship. And I haven't heard from her since. I know she's got new supplies. I was suicidal, never felt so low. I still miss her but reminding me that she was a problem is a good way of putting it. I also love the way you say she left cos I wasn't weak. Thank you again.

[@richnbeautyme2813]

Bless you. Keep taking care of you, you deserve it.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@richnbeautyme2813 if this is for me I am truly grateful. Thank you.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

9:17 shaddenfreude

[@nicholecornes1915]

They do go back to mommy and daddy lol

[@gamatron17]

act like your broke,then you see.

[@NarcCon]

🤓👍

[@nicholecornes1915]

Lol nooo

[@KarenFlynn-k4p]

After the discard my ex Narc called me and started threatening me about how he would keep me in court until I had no money left. Out of the blue...I called him an imature, self-centered son of a Bi..ch. Never realizing how accurate I was in the description of him😅 Thank the Lord he is gone🎉🎉😊

[@heathermixson1265]

I've recently started referring to the narcissist as "The big D".....🤣🤷‍♀️ THANK YOU PAULA💝

[@collie8]

exactly my thought of it 😅

[@janetromey7522]

That's flattery. It's so frustrating others don't get it. They say forgive at church all the time. I forgive I have gave it over but the scares are still there. Just to think your spouse or family just wanted to keep you to abuse you is insane. No contact.now silence. The rest that were there don't want to discuss it.

[@NarcCon]

🤓🙋‍♀️

[@jamesgeist9535]

It seems that even when all the traits are there your told by therapists that you are not qualified to understand psychology and insist on focusing on your defects. This is sound advice except when you are the only one living through it.

[@Kingsfrie]

Hi Paula, got to your videos tonight, while being in the midst of , maybe, the Big Discard.Your presentations helped me enormously, and I look forward to getting delivered from this toxic relationship, and person. I appreciate your insightful and enlightening assistance! The Lord has been helping me for some time to get out of this dark place, and I accept your help with gratitude. May I ask where you are based?

[@NarcCon]

Ireland Mostly Andre..you take care..your joy lies ahead 🌹

[@SenSakura-dj6bq]

They believe they are the price. You are just an option. Option B if there is an option A person. You remove yourself as an option so they are stuck with whatever they consider option A, wether they like it or not. And that is your power, you have control over yourself and your life.

[@etaokha4164]

Good riddance to bad rubbish. If they block you, block them back and dont go back

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

You need to understand what trauma bonding is. It’s harder to break than any addiction

[@nicholecornes1915]

I know

[@myutube5882]

I read or heard somewhere that it makes the narcissist feel superior that they can treat you however they want and you'll still chase them. They think they must be "all that" if you still want them after they treat you so horribly. Remember, they don't understand love. They operate only out of ego and their relationships are always transactional. They lose respect for you if you chase them.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

It’s a knife in your heart through the back

[@geooogeooo8566]

After the big discard i tried to bring up some compromises that we can do/talk about the issue or even tell eachother what can be improved, but he said that "i feel like if we continue, iwill be like a monster ready to eat you at any moment".

[@Mocheesemoeugene]

It is a pleasure to see you again Paula.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE

[@NarcCon]

Hi Eugene you too thanks for stopping by 🥰

[@barishankhonglah4690]

I saw.

[@dragonclaws9367]

He will not be hoovering this time. Neither use nor ornament the odious little con artist. I will never belive that fakery again. This pain I have of betrayal and abandonment (and he knows I have abandonment trauma) will never happen to me again. Never. He Ghosted me and pushed me into a grave. There won't be any slowly slowly catchy monkey. He's wiped me out to where I can't get out of bed.

[@NarcCon]

Look after you now

[@ayselkimroannekavraz3116]

I think I've learnt a lot over the past two years. Yet your vids are very informative. Thank you. I don't feel sadness nor confusion I see the evil in him and am able to control my feelings cause there is no love nor compassion anymore. I really don't care if there's a replacement. There are plenty of flying monkeys. My sister in law was a great contributor, unfortunately she stopped talking to him three years ago and it's my fault😅. Don't know how that happened, she egged him on. Im grateful to all of them for showing me what an evil family I married into. I'm stronger and will find a way. I have twenty animals which ARE my family. I wont discard them as he knows, so that's his only strength, financial abuse. But thats ok, my security will happen. I will be free with all my animals in a stable environment. I will it and am working towards it. Then NO CONTACT. No doubt at all, ever.

[@Jakilyn]

I try not to dwell on my ex narcissistic partner, but it's been just over 3 months since his final discard of me. I still can't comprehend how he could walk away from our home, pets, even his own belongings? He has not attempted hoovering with me yet. He's likely focused on new supply. Just so unsettling.

[@HonestyIsAVirtue7]

Did he ask you to stay friends? They usually always ask that. Mine asked me several times. I say "NO, I CANT BE YOUR FRIEND"... He hated that answer because he hoped I wound remain supply.

[@masoncaffey3093]

@@HonestyIsAVirtue7 I had the same, we met up to end things at a cafe, and when we left he said “maybe we can catch up in a week or two..” NO WAY! 😂

[@Jakilyn]

@@HonestyIsAVirtue7 No. He called once and that's it.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

He may have left things on purpose for a future hoover. My ex was so controlling over her 'stuff' but left that too.

[@jjmack6563]

Mine said we can still be friends too