Why Narcissists Fantasize (How Trauma Shapes Fantasy)

Trauma and reality avoided shape the fantasy: example of narcissism
Time machine
Secure base
Compensatory traits
Counterfactual wish fulfillment (defensive delusions)
Positive emotions (safe haven)
Perfection
Future perfect
phantasy vs. fantasy
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[@Mystic_Paths]

They often imagine scenarios where they are powerful, successful, or adored, providing a temporary respite from their feelings of inadequacy.

[@secretsecret179]

I wish it wasn't this sad.

[@secretsecret179]

On the other hand if its helpful is it that sad.

[@sara37193]

Hurt people hurt😢

[@SDG12483]

Don’t feel too bad most ppl are wired to the through the system. Then they labeled it a problem.

[@aresdi109]

This video is fascinating. It is also a revelation and sad (in a good way) at the same time since I can now understand what he must have gone through at the beginning of his life. Now, I am feeling a bit guilty and wondering whether I turned my ex-husband into the BPD that he was diagnosed as through shattering his fantasy during the course of our 18 year relationship. He had overlapping NPD traits as well. It seems that there is no way of helping them…. It is a progressive disease so to speak. He was a very handsome man at the beginning of our relationship, but ended up looking physically ugly and not from regular aging. The turmoil within him ended up consuming him. Thanks again for another awesome video, Professor Vaknin…. Your work and research is greatly appreciated.

[@SteffenFoltz]

I never watched someone more interessting. I love all your videos Dr. Vaknin.

[@petrathomas1333]

The Mind Days have never been More than the mind's tale Weaving dreams from the past From fear, from escape From the yearning for the Dream itself An illusion of the mind Wrapped in the narrative of the Self Each moment a reflection A dance of shadows and light Crafting a story, ever fleeting Yet endlessly profound...

[@FunBee888]

Prof Sam: I started watching you to improve my knowledge of narcissism & now I also watch to improve my vocabulary~"Penumbral Miasma" is my latest addition 😀

[@Jeannine-jf4ie]

You described my inner being that i safe guard by never telling anyone. That is freeing to me in some ways. I guess im not the only one. Tks for all the work that you do, tks for posting. You are a blessing to me. Tks

[@Carl-pq9vd]

Your work is always profound and explains with great accuracy what we experience with a narcissist. An observation, I had a relationship with a narcissist who had multiple broken relationships both romantic and other. She described every man she was ever with as a soulmate and kept souvenirs of all of them. Often something showy, but iften she hinted she believed in reincarnation and these people were linked to her in perpetuity - so even if things ended disastrously in this life, which they did, these people would be tied to her always. She would also do her best to harm people during a discard with zero remorse, yet still say she would always love and miss them. Too complex for me to grasp.

[@GlenHarland]

lol

[@lorrainetaylor8570]

Sounds normal to me!!😂😂😂

[@katechipata9934]

Wow, my narc ex kept souvenirs of all his exes. I'm sure he kept my gifts to him as souvenirs - sick!

[@Andreas-z9h]

@@katechipata9934 by souvenirs I mean including ex husband's clothes, wedding suit, paintings he did, his childhood family photos, including paintings over the sofa and bed where we slept. When I got up from sofa I had to dodge balls of silk roses from their wedding that were suspended there for years after he left.

[@KR-fb7gm]

The narcissist I know has his mother on a pedestal of perfection, their relationship is bizarre. I often wonder if deep inside he knows his mother did this to him, or if he will realize it some day

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

As a narcissist myself it took many years of therapy to realize what my mother did to me.

[@KR-fb7gm]

@@NarcissistHex-nf9eq Ah, I can only hope he will have the bravery to someday "do the work" as you did. Thank you for your vulnerability.

[@DanMorin007]

@@NarcissistHex-nf9eq Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@kimgutierrez4521]

Through your videos,some counsel DV protection I am leaving my 81 yr old mother. My Father is terminally ill. Im digesting the fact she will be all alone one day. But it is no longer my burden. The abuse is the relationship. Not lookong forward to the guilt I will have to work through. Ty🎉

[@lorrainetaylor8570]

Wishing you every happiness and peace.i have left family and working through guilt.learning to self care and love and save my health.ine moment at a time.and relish peace.best wishes to you

[@kimgutierrez4521]

@@lorrainetaylor8570 Thank you. Difficult to say the least.

[@jonc6463]

You dive into a deep well & bring this wisdom & insights to us. Thank you. I sometimes wonder about my fantastic phantasies, this helps me understand, you see I know of the ‘shell shock’ of my grandfather and impact that had on my father…. that my mother so bright…. but was like a bird in a cage & my older brother - full of envy… it builds a somewhat unsafe world - uneasy, unsure & I braced for the unpredictable….& developed various defences… both internal & external…

[@Jeannine-jf4ie]

I agree that fantasy is a defensive method to deal with pain ect .

[@claramanea3712]

Brilliant ! Thank you. I did not realise that excesive daydreaming can be a sign of trauma.

[@danaros702]

Thank you Professor Vaknin, wonderful video as usual.

[@DLS_00]

@vaknin this is really deep good stuff. Great video man!

[@ChrisB-ki9ch]

It really is difficult. I know its happening. I dont trust myself, observations or conclusions.

[@janinenwafor1321]

The story "it's a good life" by Jeromy Bixby has always come across to me as what the world would like through the eyes of a child that's going to become a narcissist.

[@finny3953]

I love your videos. I realised my ex was a narcissist when she left me and said I am not catholic anymore so I can be with who I want and you cannot remarry as you are catholic. I can always come back

[@Joe-Fowler]

Are you a qualified in diagnosis?

[@Whammy888-u3k]

When my ex-husband got remarried, he married a Catholic woman and went to a men's group at her church. It was her first marriage and his 3rd marriage. He had not been Catholic before. He discarded her like he did everyone else. It's very cruel and challenges your core beliefs about life. if being Catholic is important to you, still go. It has happened to many people, like the men in the men's group my ex-husband participated in would understand.

[@AmbiLane998]

I hope you don't believe that. 😢

[@sarcasticcat4982]

"Abandonment or putting away of your spouse" for anything other than them committing adultery" is a sin. Adultery is upon whomever marries her. Jesus himself said that .

[@Jeannine-jf4ie]

I was exposed to trauma and abuse.

[@hadesbird]

Sam, I can't stop watching you and listening, I might be in love with you, even though I identify as a lesbian. You're amazing, I love you.

[@christinapaterno5585]

I would let Sam ruin me. Sam, if you’re interested, I am an Italian woman from NY currently in Los Angeles and I want you to ruin me in every way. Haha. Sam is so Daddy.

[@donnadwarika6370]

❤Thank you always Sir. N Great Afternoon Sir.

[@hadiza1]

Good morning! 💜📚

[@user-bn4nc9fc8r]

Ty. Question: is imagination an element to consider in change, personal growth?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Even fantasy could be a healthy process.

[@ahzootube]

I am curious about the situation I am in, as being trauma bonded with a friend for about 18 years... And in the recent years he had started being unfriendly or silent against me. I would call him up to meet and when I would tell something about a passion of mine, he would somehow manage to make me feel like I am talking nonsense. But, when he would drink he would tell everyone how we are the best friends and so on. The only times I had good times with him became when he is drunk. This ended up me joining him, only meeting when he feels like, at his place of locations he chose. This went to the stage where he started crossing boundaries and sending messages to meet my ex girlfriend. And when confronted he blamed it on the alcohol and my decision to cut contact with him just flew over his head with saying, "I want to cut contact with you anyway." In this case, I am wondering where do I sit as a person with childhood trauma? Am I a covert narcissist because I am a fool and did not let this friendship go years ago when it started turning toxic? I would like content of yours Mr.Vaknin about friendship dynamics and boundaries, impulsive behaviour.

[@misterw8794]

Hello Professor Vaknin, I am interested in your interpretation of the concept of the ‘Triple Package’ as described by Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld. In their book, they argue that certain ethnic groups achieve high levels of success due to a combination of three traits: a sense of superiority, feelings of insecurity, and impulse control. According to them, this mix drives exceptional achievement and social mobility. My impression is that these characteristics could also describe high-functioning individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), who often exhibit a grandiose self-image, underlying insecurities, and a degree of discipline. Would you agree that the ‘Triple Package’ effectively outlines traits similar to those found in high-functioning people with NPD, or do you see fundamentally different dynamics at play here? Thank you very much for your time and your valuable insights!

[@samvaknin]

These are clinical features of a narcissistic style a and other mental health constructs and disorders.

[@misterw8794]

Could you please elaborate more on what you mean by narcissistic style a? Also, what other mental health constructs and disorders do you mean? Thank you in advance!

[@casterofmagic]

Can I ask a question? At what age will trauma not lead to becoming a narcissist? I understand a narcissist are emotionally 2-8 years old, and I experienced severe trauma at age 11. Now I wonder if I'm a cerebral narcissist.

[@samvaknin]

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

[@SDG12483]

Can you please explain to me the difference between imagination & fantasy? Also what’s imagination called that has knowledge of meaning of vocabulary and work related tied to it?

[@samvaknin]

Search the shared fantasy playlist.

[@littleredmushroom]

Prof Sam do you think psychodelics could help narcisists

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for “psyched”.

[@blackedmirror5073]

Is contrapoints on the thumbnail.

[@GlumDropVampire]

Is an avoidant a narcissist?

[@Exteriti]

Id imagine its similar behaviour but without the intention, or knowledge of wat theyre doing (a narcissist would know and not care right?)

[@samvaknin]

Search the comorbidities playlist.

[@kathrin-jv4gt]

I want to ask you professor when the narkissos see that he loose the control what is capable to do?thank you

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel and its playlists.