Why narcissists feel threatened when you become successful

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@butterflyqueen9260]

I've noticed with the few narcissists I've dealt with, if they accuse you of something they most likely done it.

[@gracew5895]

That is exactly what I did experienced !

[@niadabreo8907]

Exactly

[@butterflyqueen9260]

@@gracew5895 I got accused of sleeping around. I'm like how??????? Both of them did that. They knew I didn't.

[@Vendetta_Witch]

Self-projection seems to be one of their most favorite tools in the box.

[@VanessaCv3]

WOW! This is so true😳. I wish Dr Ramani would speak about this

[@akingbadeoluwakemi2161]

Double tragic when you don't have genuine people in your life to share your success with 😥

[@joseenoel8093]

Never mind, you've done it for yourself, not your fault you're not birds of a feather loser land flock, pay them no heed the jealous babies! My daughter gets all drippy about gnaw, I won't have it, I say "I can't do anything about it, want me to be like them?" No no, she'll quickly replies. They're aim is to remove your glee, it's wishful thinking to expect otherwise, live and learn, move on, cut your losses, you won't shine otherwise, we need more winners! Xoxo 🎠

[@icherishcrochetandknit309]

😭true...

[@Christine-nh3jg]

Yes this is sad and I am there which is making healing harder. Good luck all.

[@rohithreddy75]

Akingbade Oluwakemi There's a karmic reason for it so just Go ahead with your life and be Conscious about when you're around people as people like us having natural Instinct about surroundings but still we decide to not trust it.Be cautious on march 31st and april starting days as a child Brahmin in india has warned about a bad thing can happen this happen.He also predicted about corona virus in china and iran problem.Good luck.

[@sunshinedayz2172]

You can share with us 😀.. We targets have to stick together! I support you 100%👍👍 !

[@whyneed1215]

My mother has never congratulated me. She once bragged about my success to a friend of hers while I was there. I thought she cared until I realized she was using it for attention on herself.

[@plutooliver686]

Yep my mom does the same and so do my siblings...sad really,hugs to you friend for your strength of ensuring such bullshit.

[@butterflygirl2285]

As long as I was succeeding at something my mother felt made her appear to be a wonderful parent she would praise me to outsiders. But, privately she would say some horrible things.

[@raccuia1]

Yeah it's all about them. You are just a tool to prop up their grandiosity.

[@monicasabella1494]

SAME. My mom hated me living abroad and brings it up 24/7 as the "worst decision of my life." Then she'll turn around and brag about it to some friend. I was so confused for so long. Your comment just brought new clarity

[@butterflygirl2285]

@@monicasabella1494 That' why we have to do what is in our best interests, because we are in a no win situation. What my Mom wanted from me was inconsistent. Her ideas of perfection (for me) shifted constantly: they were impossible to achieve.

[@nabyobrian]

My mother is the epitome of the jealous narcissist. She put roadblocks throughout my life and never supported me in anything. On top of that she always told me that I was so ugly that no man would ever marry me. Today I am happily married and on the way towards getting my degree

[@Becapy88]

Good for you and that is horrible for her to say that! But sadly there are SO many narcissistic parents out there, especially mothers I feel like. You stay strong and thrive :) We all have to in the face of narcs.

[@sll110]

I am totally same as you, but very sad, I know that already 40

[@1c2h3e4u5n6g]

My experience is exactly the same as yours. I simply stopped reacting to her and put as much distance between myself and her as possible. Indifference is the best weapon against narcissistic jealousy.

[@ClarkeIllmatical]

Had this happen to me. My father would constantly try to inhibit my growth and control me. My mother secretly confessed that my father was insecure. You don't know the feeling of hearing your mother confess "... Your father was afraid of you."

[@ChitraJayawardena]

This is another version of my mother monster.She had told the old servant who took me to the school ,that I was a dumb child though I was the prettiest ,the multi talented,the child with leadership qualities,the most compassionate and the healer in the family.She would never get children in any life . She downplayed when the neighbours ,my teachers praised me for my qualities and the good I had done to them.She died from her illness.Karma will take care of her. You are a blessed child your mother had . When there is a tree full of fruits people cast stones at it.Get healed. We are trees full of fruits..

[@alo6125]

If someone cuts down and disparages our success, or makes it all about them, there's something wrong with them, not us. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings.

[@glendaschilder3048]

I totally agree..NORMAL people don't do that..

[@michaelasun7593]

Of course. But they use manipulation so that the victim can't recognize that this person is trying to destroy them. The victim is in cognitive dissonance. So it takes long for one to realize. There's the biggest danger of it.

[@happygal1111]

This recently happened to me. An old friend spread lies. Some believe her too. She made it all about her, when it's not about her at all.

[@MsLuvmusic81]

the narc congratulated me but acted funny afterwards - don't fall for it lol

[@MsLuvmusic81]

@Desley Hemmingsen this relative was still keeping a facade with me even though I know who the hell she is . I didnt even want to tell her, my mom told her and thats how she found out. That was exactly why I didnt want to tell her. like Dr. Ramani is saying, never share with people like this and I was right!

[@RebeckaElin]

MsLuvmusic81 Exactly same here.

[@robinrevell5873]

@@MsLuvmusic81 You just triggered a thing I noticed in my memory. My mother NEVER gushes over anything I do or succeed at to my face, but damn if she won't tell her friends without me around. Is that narcy?

[@Dee33636]

@@robinrevell5873 - Yes, especially if they are also telling these other people about your success in a passive aggressive way. I know someone who supposedly tells people about my services but also tells them I charge too much, that my services didn't help HER (after I gave her my services for free- narcissists really do not think they should pay for services!!) Any referrals she has sent me have NEVER worked out. At this point, I will not work with her referrals anyway because they are tainted.

[@EllePlowPlow]

Desley Hemmingsen my covert narcissist congratulated me for a long time on whatever accomplishments I made, in order to keep me from realizing he was a fucked up person. But then to satisfy his Narc ways, he would try to sabotage my accomplishments behind my back.

[@MelodyProsser]

When I was a teenager and studying classical music, my parents sat me down to have an official "talk" with me. My father stated flat out that the only way any female in a creative field experienced success was if they slept their way to success. He then asked me if I that's what I wanted to be - a whore. I knew at the time his thinking was messed up and later in my 20s I intuited that he felt threatened. It's so affirming to hear a professional mention this statement as an example of narcissism. I can also confirm from first-hand experience that narcissistic parents can be threatened by young children - mine were.

[@shaynekedarnadumom]

Melody Prosser i hope you continued to study your music. by the way, my name is melody as well.

[@baronofbubbles5798]

Please excuse my French, Melody but that is such a fucked up thing for a parent to say! I hope you're well on your way to being a successful musician! Take care!

[@truthh8597]

This is horrible. Women work so hard already as getting acknowledged as a female creative artist and not a shadow is a feat in itself and women often get their fair share hoarded by the men in most creative industries. Is it not bad enough already? That men or other women go around discrediting hardworking women as people who have slept their way to success? Absolutely disgusting what they can do to diminish the credibility of others out of their own jealousy issues

[@rachel14rod]

Yes,my parents were threatened by me too...I've felt inferior all my life

[@TheSexDwarf]

very narcisstic, my x was also anarcissts was threatened if i wanted too plaly guitar an jam with male musicians, iwas told by him music is very sexual i cant trust other men too make music with

[@LDT7Y]

"At some point you gotta go home and share it with your narcissist." Actually no, you don't. Kick their ass to the curb and find yourself an actual partner who loves and is proud of you!

[@lovelylinda8891]

☺ lol

[@Justdessertsforme]

Absolutely correct !!

[@Georgia.O]

Truer words are rarely spoken!

[@SuzannaLiessa]

Sharing my triumphs is a privilege. You don't have to earn it, but I can take it away.

[@julieclarke3818]

This is so true even with a mother or father figure who is a narcissist. I'll never forget the time I graduated from college and how my dad made it seem like it he was the one who helped me finish up schooling. On top of that he even mentioned how I should be grateful that he took me out to lunch after the ceremony. My success was never celebrated and instead blown off like it was not a high deal. This is just one of the examples. It's been hard because it is difficult to accept that your parent will never celebrate any of your successes

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

Mine didn't either. But in return, I never acknowledged anything they did because they were motivated by greed and took very poor financial decisions.

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

Its tough, and that hurt never resolves, just gets burried. And I (and prob you) just cant solve why they arent happy and proud. Would they rather we had been criminals? Its a painful memory to drag around. The only way I was ever really able to cope with it was to look at things from an evolutionary standpoint and realize I’m just a person in the world of 6+ billion people and I just happen to have been born to people who are dysfunctional and unable to raise children properly. It’s nothing personal. My mother has a whole bunch of emotional problems and she will probably have to come back as a worm or slug or something because she has so much to figure out. After eighty years she hasn’t figured anything out. It’s unbelievable how some people can live their entire lives with total lack of insight to their children. And even lack of insight to themselves. They are constantly searching for something to satisfy them. That’s their goal in life and in my opinion this is the most basic level of spiritual awareness. They’re just starting out, they’ve got several lifetimes to go. And no I’m not any specific religion that’s just the best way I can explain it.

[@icherishcrochetandknit309]

I am in the same boat.

[@ChitraJayawardena]

@@icherishcrochetandknit309 so am i having the mother monster and 2 evil ungrateful fu... sisters in my life a while ago. I have cut ties with those demonic souls in human bodies.

[@padmavatimajhi8541]

I have the same life story

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

A child has such a difficult time when they realize their mother doesnt want the best for them, competes (even at ages 11 or 12) with them and will verbally abuse you to keep you from doing well. The child start trying to please, behave and degrade themselves to get love from a mother incapable of love anyway. Its such a horrible thing to live, stomach aches all the time, poor sleep, puzzling all the time to make her happy. And when you talk about it as an adult, Usually because you have to defend yourself because your mother is criticizing you incessantly, and at some point when youre an adult you finally say WTF... it’s a wonder I’m not crazy the way you were treated. And the narc mother then teaches you all about gaslighting. It’s a lifelong education if you have a narcissistic person in your life as a family member. It takes until about middle-age in my opinion to figure it out. And that after a few broken hearts.

[@phoenixrising8007]

darcie emge Well said 👍 We walk in the same shoes Stay true to you ✌️❤️

[@sissi8610]

Darcie Emge, totally agree. At least it wasn't my real mum being a bitch, it was my stepmum. Must be extra hard to have your real mother not care for you. At least I know she did love me, before she checked out, getting cancer from being with a sick Narcissistic husband. I don't think at this point that recovery is possible, it's gone too deep, for too long. Hope you have some good friends to share your successes with.

[@sheaNERD]

I figured out my mother was a narcissist at age 19. I’m 27 now. I’m low contact with her now since moving all the way across the country.

[@Multiverse82]

Wow yes took me 38 years!

[@rohithreddy75]

darcie emge What i would suggest you as a doctor and i have seen it all(TRUST ME) . Dont respond to them.Dont talk to them.When they try to talk to you in one or other way dont respond.When they force you just say that you were absent minded.This thing they do with you is all about energy.They want your energy and will try to steal it.Your Agenda should be to save it all costs.Believe in god(Higher power)and your life will get better.Good luck.

[@katalinmcewan]

When I told my narc that I was expanding my business and just hired the first employee he wouldn’t even look at me and pretended that he didn’t hear it.

[@carolschurter3737]

Can you do a video on “Why are there SO many narcissists in the world?” Looking at the plethora of comments everywhere, it amazes me how rampant this issue is. It’s too bad they don’t have NPD education in schools.

[@plutooliver686]

I agree it's rampant...I've delt with more than my fair share of this type of abuse. My thoughts and feelings are it's apart of the dysfunction of lack of love and compassion as a social dis -ease due to the debunked evolution theory(Darwin's findings do not apply to humans)that the fittest shall survive which was deemed stoical and unfeeling ...which then cuts you off from your heart and all those emotions that feel good and extend yoir health especially true unconditional love for self and others. Then you get competition from that lack mentality which then escalates to greed and so on..also generational wounds past from ancestors.

[@ninan2670]

@Russ Hawkins Why not double the Stats, given that we don't know how comprehensive the research is. Now we're talking about a much higher percentage. Sound likely?

[@helenbridgwater5475]

Sadly there are many narcistic individuals in the education realm!!

[@MariannKnudsen]

I agree 100 % Both on the video idea and that the issue should be taught more at school, problem though: some teachers could actually have NPD themselves

[@MzEbbyFrost]

I hope she covers this topic because I’ve been wondering the exact same thing!

[@ericacaa]

This really hit home! The more i succeed, the more he acted up and tried to ruin my joy in succeeding. Thank god we are no longer together and now i can enjoy my wonderful life

[@niadabreo8907]

Érica Alves 👏👏happy for you.. these people are sick..

[@mysticjen379]

Was the guy outwardly encouraging but energetically against?

[@ericacaa]

@@mysticjen379 exactly, he would say encouraging words, but acted up, created problems hat energetically.pulled me.down when i had to travel for work, when i had to concentrate on an important task or when i should be celebrating success

[@mysticjen379]

Érica Alves Thank you so much for your reply Érica, this is exactly what I’ve experienced, kinda like sabotage. I thought I was going crazy!

[@cameronboden]

Speaking of which, your music is badass, Érica

[@AshaGlenn]

Growing up with a narcissistic mom was hard because I definitely learned how to hide my success, but I'm extremely blessed in that I did not marry a narcissistic person. In fact he's the extreme opposite. He's an extremely good person. He supports me in everything I do, and celebrates my success immensely. And it is the weirdest thing ever.😂 But I am so so grateful for him. Like every single day.

[@yeswing10]

Does he have a Brother? Ha.

[@stacykreager5139]

Asha he’s your empath.. my hubby, and my boys all are. Which is a good thing, I’m healing from childhood sexual abuse, amanipulation, and narcsistic rage. Wow, it’s only been 4 months. I have grown, but my husband was also raised by a narc mother. It’s consuming

[@C.Hawkshaw]

Mine was like this too! He was too good for me. 😁

[@yuyu69vibration]

Oh aw that's good for you! You deserve it ofc 🥰

[@joyfulj1663]

God bless you and your husband ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@debbiebyrum5636]

That reminds me of the day I completed my masters degree in Education and my narcissistic ex-husband simply said, “well any idiot can get a masters degree” and suddenly it didn’t feel so good anymore. This was typical. They seem to resent our success. Resentment is the word I like to use to describe their reaction to our success.

[@Inmatesixdoublefive321]

Debbie Byrum my ex stood screaming at me when I went back to school for my Bachelor degree. By the time I graduated, we were divorced. 😁

[@laurawesomeness]

That's so painful, especially because a masters degree is HARD WORK. I am a clothing designer and have my degree in fashion. It was hard in different ways, but he would say "you know when I first met you, I was skeptical because you studied fashion.... like all those girls who go to fashion school for like a year and don't get a job", and I was like "ok well first of all, who are you to judge "those girls" and I happen to have gone to school for 4 years and have my degree, and have been working in the industry for 12 years". Anything he could do to tear me down (he was just jealous I went into something I was passionate about, and he was miserable in his career).

[@majakolonja4266]

Oh yeah, cause it's so easy to finish a degree.

[@ironjohn5914]

Education is great. I'm for it 100%, but I do know some what are considered educated dummies with master degrees and even PHD. Intelligence I believe you have it or you don't. The degree just means your trainable. I have an MBA myself and have Intelligence Thank the Lord!!!

[@nomad5031]

They say that because they know that they could never do it. When I got my degrees, my younger sister said, 'Anybody can graduate from college.' Yeah, Sis; so why not you?? would have probably been a good comeback 🤠😉

[@synneazaro]

My best friend started to cry when I told her I was in love. Ended up me comforting her instead of being happy..... This pattern kept repeating up until now. I have lost 3 friends after I learned how toxic our friendship has been.. Thank you for this life changing knowledge❤️

[@mard9802]

Yeap, been there, got the t-shirt > my "friends" got ANGRY when I was dating a guy that happen to come from a wealthy family. This just sent them around the bend. I didn't dare bring him anywhere near them 'cause I knew how they would be with him. Eventually, we broke up and they were all 'happy' again. Not long after that I ditched them as "friends."

[@light_amaka]

@@mard9802 Good!

[@lovelylinda8891]

Glad that you pointed out so called " friends" having this behavior. It isn't just romantic partners.

[@MyLifeAsRaphael]

Could be tears of Joy! 🤣🤣🤣

[@GLamoRousCooKie]

Omg, same.

[@drewsibleyloans]

Dr. Ramani you're so valuable. Thank you for healing all of us!

[@charlawatkins2932]

AMEN!!!

[@yoravee]

Yes Dr thanks.

[@queentantrumofficial]

Ugh this is why I self-sabotage...I need to break this program!

[@philistinezigurath1368]

dog, they trained you

[@newleaf4732]

My narc mother started sabotaging me when I was 5. I had won an award for being the best reader in the school. She insulted me after the ceremony. It as a total gut punch, but I thought to myself, "Well I'll show her." She made me determined to keep going in spite of her. Eventually I had to learn to pursue my dreams to make myself happy rather than prove her wrong. What you said about narcs turning others' success into a sad sack story is so true. Every single time I had a need of any kind, my mother's response was, 'Well maybe I'd like to get that too. I'm never going to get what I want." And speaking of cheating, narc mothers do this to their daughters too. They find someone your age and similar in some ways, and will put their time and energy into supporting them while continuing to neglect and ignore you. I worked at the same place as my mother for a few years. When I started doing well, she would connect with other women my age at work and go out of her way to mentor them. I did well without her mentorship - frankly I ignored her terrible, negative, self-serving advice and she resented that I didn't want to be like her. And one final thing - when she knew she couldn't get away with crapping on or sabotaging my success, she'd make it about her to take credit. It was never MY success, but only the result of the genes I inherited. Honestly how can other people cater to someone who would do that to her own child?

[@kathrynheitmann5534]

you survived her

[@kathrynheitmann5534]

have you been on a sail boat it has to jib or tack to not bump into stuff time to find a different job mom's just looking for affirmation just decide you aren't her child anymore

[@sameeraharis8702]

This sounds like a symptom of a disease. Mine is the same. Not only would she sabotage everything I was good at, and then shame me for failing.. she would sometimes steal the same ideas she would shame me for. She even accused me of stealing her friends. And then went on to stealing mine. Sadly, I'm still tethered. I have no confidence to do accomplish anything. I don't feel like going out anywhere - and this gives her another excuse to shame me for not doing anything and for being a recluse.

[@sameeraharis8702]

Oh and she's "mother hen" to nearly everybody she meets! So all the chicks of this mother hen think I'M the ungrateful daughter. No one knows what she is like me, only very very few people can see my hurt, they know the real her.

[@imbuffysummers]

Because the narcissist is careful to uphold their “good” false image in front of others and never let them see how terrible their behavior truly can be so their victim looks all the more crazy when they reach out for help.

[@rypoelk997]

Reminds me when I got a full ride to university and my father insisted that I didn't actually deserve those scholarships. I anticipate similar results when I get my degree or have a career that sets off. It's taken me longer to finish school and they've been almost giddy to beat me over the head about it. My therapist tells me to prepare for the goal posts to change once I graduate. When you fail, they will use it against you and beat you up over it. When you succeed, you'll either get crickets or resentment. When I got all A's, my father resented me. When I dropped out, it was the worse thing in the world. Pleasing the narcissist is an impossible task. Whether you fail or succeed, they'll have ways to invalidate you or criticize you.

[@AP-nb6og]

@Ry Poelk - don't give up! Your therapist is right. The goal posts will always change because it's never about you or what you do. I've spent decades turning myself inside out & losing myself trying to keep the goal posts in place. It has never worked. Don't waste your precious time & energy & instead grieve the relationship & move on. You have already proven how successful & smart you are, how much determination & grit you have. What your father says doesn't change any of it; it just makes him look sad. God Bless you!

[@bluebutterfly244]

My ex kind of did an inverse of this. He confessed that he was secretly happy when I had been laid off from my job because then we could "be together" (like, long term). He wanted to control my finances, transportation, where I lived...everything. So I dropped him and got a better job, thank God.

[@gagzy1989]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💜💜💜💜

[@moreni2nd405]

✊🏽🙌🏽 You are a Queen!

[@Asto508]

Well, he probably just wanted a traditional relationship and you both never really talked about the terms of your relationship in the first place, probably because both of you were unaware of what style of relationship and life together you actually wanted. Just be mindful about what you want from life and if a good job and career is more important to you than a relationship (and children?), that's perfectly fine. But also think ahead, if that will be sufficient for the next decades. It may leave you in a hard place if you are not 100% determined on this matter.

[@ashtonsmith4520]

An ex of mine didn't want to teach me how to drive because they were afraid I'd leave them

[@ashtonsmith4520]

@@Asto508 You have bad wisdom. It's rooted in fear and second guessing. Get your wisdom, take it to the wisdom store, have it fixed, and don't give out relationship advice if you haven't personally been in that woman's shoes. Just because you think his control issues were from a lack of communication doesn't mean you're right. He was probably just a couple of steps away from isolating her from friends and family. She knows what she's doing. She doesn't need you sprouting fear

[@clairegordon2109]

It comes down to power and control. They want to be on top and are envious of any success!

[@rwdchannel2901]

I kind of laughed when Doctor Ramani said you might be surprised if the narcissist is threatened by a 5 year old child. It happened to me with my narc mother. I was about 10 years old and we were sitting at a computer and she was saying how smart I am. I looked at her and said "Do you think I'm smarter than you?" She goes into a rage, calls me a brat and holds a grudge against me for a week until I apologize. That's just one example of why I'm no contact with that psycho now that I'm adult.

[@judytx580]

When I got a promotion or a bonus at work, my ex-husband would say, “Well, you should be happy.” I always thought that was a weird response. Now, I share my success with my best friend, who is like a sister to me, and whose responses are a lot more satisfying! 😊

[@Bahbahlatje]

I attracted attacks when I succeeded in my career. When I graduated from grad school with a 4.0 gpa, my father focused on why I didn't have a PhD. When I was sworn in for my career, my father refused to show up. He then came up with an excuse to disown me for 10 years. A few years later, he reached out to my boyfriend to undermine my relationship behind my back. I eventually went no contact. I used to hide my awards. Now I take them out and celebrate them.

[@muslimwarrior9891]

Bruh omg I feel like I’m a lil lil lil bit scared of being happy cuz they may try to ruin it

[@blissyogi8699]

100% Narc dad!

[@MyLifeAsRaphael]

Good on you!!! Keep shining!!!!!!

[@jackierobinson8785]

Or if your twenty minutes of being pretty outshines that of your narc sister. And if the opportunity comes for her to teach you a pep club routine as an outgoing president to help you get in...watch out! I've never seen my sister as enraged when others with sisters had paired her up with me. For them to think that she was expected to help me in anyway was beyond her scope of sisterly humanity.

[@tinkzorro]

At 36 I've been back and forth with myself about doing a degree. Every time I get to the point where I'm ready and wanting to do it, I ask my family if they think it's a good idea and they always convince me it isn't. I'm starting to think I should ignore them on this.

[@niadabreo8907]

Go to school.. what they have to say does not matter.. the only voice that matters are God and yours...please go to school...

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

At 36 you should be able to take your decisions on your own.

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

Tamsin Woods yes IGNORE them. 36 is young. The perfect age to understand that you need to study and get good grades, you’ll know what you wanna do. Anyone who tries to talk you out of bettering yourself is afraid you’re going to pass them up leave them or do better. Do not listen to anyone who discourages you from a goal. Getting an education or a further education is never a mistake as long as you have a specific end goal in sight that is for example a degree that leads to a specific job.

[@tinkzorro]

@@firefeethok_tui2355 Thanks. I've been working as a massage therapist for the past decade, now thinking I'd like to do a degree in acupuncture. The family narcs don't approve and have been very discouraging. This video may at least partly explain why!

[@bohemiangypsy7783]

Life is so short my friend go for it!!! Do you! Dont let anyone take your power and soul! To stay strong keep watching Narc videos as they have all confirmed and taught me sooo much, and I now understand how these people tick. So sad its family I know, but don't take on their insecurities and self loathing on board! I wish you all the best! Shine your light 🙏

[@SouthernASMRSounds]

I was offered a new position at work. It was a real honor. My narc ex's response? "Huh. Who'd you f*ck to get that?"

[@dancingnature]

You Should have told the creep , well it obviously wasn’t you!

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

Or, "are you trying to tell me something?" You know what I mean. Seriously, one is better off not telling narcissists anything. I'd like to tell them it's none of their damn business and to keep their snub pig noses out of my business and go do themselves. If you can't handle my success, then get away from my house and off my damn lawn!

[@user-fk8rb8ue5h]

They are just jealous bastards.

[@PPMOCRG]

Wow, what a creep! I’m sorry that you were treated that way.

[@jefferyc4763]

Congratulations on your Channel Success, Southern

[@technerdchic]

Omg! This is SO on point!! My year in high school, I had gotten 2nd chair in the first violins section at State Symphony! I was so excited to learn that I was essentially just named the 2nd best violinist in the State! All of the years spent practicing, auditioning at virtually every music festival in town, and working with a private teacher twice a week, every week, had finally paid off big time! I was over the moon... And I couldn't wait to tell my mother! My mother played violin as well, and had insisted that she and my father invest all they could into the violin for me, because she was certain it would one day be like a golden ticket for me and my life... that the talent ran deep enough in our family "genes" that I would have what it took to make it to the top (unlike her, who had to sacrifice her life, according to her, after she got pregnant with me)! My parents managed to provide a good violin and the best private teachers for me, even though they could barely make ends meet for me and my 3 other siblings on their small postal workers salary of only 25k a year between them both! I was reminded constantly of this fact and knew I had to succeed or be among the best due to their enormous investment. It was a lot of pressure, to say the least. 2 hours a day of practice, everyday since age 4 was required of me... Many times I would be in tears as she would stand over me and demand me to play a single measure of music over and over again until it sounded good to her... even though I was missing out on an outing with my friends or a big party I had been invited too... At which times, my 2-hour a day practice, became a 4-5 hour practice session of tears and misery. So I'll never forget getting home that day, and feeling over-the-moon about telling her my amazing news that I was 2nd in the State of Arizona! She looked at me with disappointment and sadness, and said, "That's great Tammy..." I was confused about seeing no real joy or happiness in her face and so I responded with, "Are you not happy about it? Or???" And she looked at the ground and said, "Well... It's just that nobody really ever remembers 2nd, is all." As she turned around and left the room... Leaving me standing there alone and in complete shock. That was the exact moment that I completely gave up on ever hoping I might be good enough one day for her. I never did play in that state concert as 2nd chair. I graciously declined and relinquished my 2nd chair position to the 3rd chair player (who's parents, coincidentally, were beaming with pride sitting two rows ahead of me during the State concert performance that year I was required to attend). I refused to take my chair in that symphony that year because my mother's reaction to what I viewed as my peak level of achievement, filled me with nothing but anger and hateful resentment toward what I then could only view as a symbol of wasted and lost years in my childhood! And it didn't stop there, I rebelled in every way imaginable that year... From straight A's in ELP (excellarated learning program) to taking pass/fail courses, because I was only barely passing anything at that point... I went from being a good Church girl to a smoker, who enjoyed trying drugs on the weekends, had purchased two, all-be-it thankfully negative, pregnancy tests for herself before graduation, and was on her way to becoming a full on alcoholic, drinking heavily and almost daily. After leaving me standing in shock... After telling me "Nobody remembers 2nd...", I put away my violin, and never touched it again. My mother changed the entire trajectory of my life in such a devistating way, it could have killed me. To this day, it still blows my mind the amount of damage that was inflicted by her, in what was really only a single passing comment.

[@dereklemire6]

They definitely destroy your success but still expect the world from you just speaking from my experience it's really sad but true

[@michaelpatrick7888]

amen brothr same here--i was raised by a nurturing and loving mom and dad and i am always surprised by the level at which these kinds of people stoop

[@dereklemire6]

@2 MD but we have no freedom if you really think about it we've been indoctrinated our whole lives to believe the mainstream media just read the Bible Even though scriptures have physically changed you'll be ok if you apply you life to it just read the end revelatios that's where we're at now try debunking God u can't all they do is try to hide the creator just think about it you'll get it

[@rohithreddy75]

derek lemire Dont help them.DONT.It will create a negative karma towards you.I have studied about this extensively.Dont give them your energy.You'll suffer.Be careful with these people but dont be afraid of them as You have the power over them and its just that they gaslighted that you don't.

[@richardh8355]

So so true...i am crying. These people are so evil

[@n0thanku]

Richard H

[@loverofthelostnarc]

They are criminals

[@dianefarley37]

@@loverofthelostnarc In the truest sense of the word. They are also not "just" badmouthing bullies.

[@LDT7Y]

Regardless of whether you believe in the spiritual side of it, 'evil' does exist in this world. I would equate individuals who lack empathy and exist purely to get pleasure from destroying other people with 'demons' or 'vampires' (since they want to suck the life out of anyone who gest close to them). To some medieval person without knowledge of psychology, I imagine someone that cruel and manipulative would appear to be supernaturally evil.

[@DukeBlueDevilFan08]

When I was with my ex, I taught her everything from A to Z when it came to fitness (degree in Exercise Science). While I was saving up when Covid hit I was recruited by trainers at the gym I was working at (front desk) to become a trainer in order to make money during PT school. I brought the idea to her, and she laughed. She said, “How can you train someone when you’re not even consistent with your training?” My response was, “What was your degree in and who taught you how to workout efficiently?” Birds chirp ☕️

[@izi.z2384]

When I graduated college with a good job lined up .. one of the first in my immediate family to do so. During the entire 4-hour ride home back to our home state I was alone in the back seat while the narcissist and their friend sitting up front spent the entire ride back home talking about me as if I wasn't even there - that on my graduation day. No fan fare for me.. I was treated like a non entity. And I recall feeling as small as a gnat at the time.

[@almondmilksoda]

I'm really proud of you! Screw them!

[@AngelKrystalStar]

I'm going through this with my parents. They can't deal with me "surpassing" them in any way. This did not occur as a child because they had full control and naturally all the power.

[@prabchen]

Empower Empaths I understand very well what you mean. I have one adoptive mother who behaves the same.

[@warriorhippie]

Empower Empaths this is so disgusting on your parents part. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. Sending you an abundance of love and light.

[@joseenoel8093]

Hope you don't let them get you down, they'll criticize anything, they've got no real feel inside to allow them have a reality check about it!

[@AngelKrystalStar]

@@prabchen it's so sad. They can't be happy for us. My mother says sarcastically and bitterly "well, you have a fancy life" 🙄

[@jcsrst]

I feel your pain. My father is very jealous and competitive with me. Sucks to be them.

[@LMB925]

I had narcissists parents and learned to keep positive and negative occurrences that myself. It made me closed up and instead of getting involved with anyone, I’ve avoided relationships entirely. They were never positive and just drained me. I understand so much more now at 42, but there’s no interest in for relationships, other than with my pets. My parents also isolated me and made keeping friends very difficult.

[@Floral299]

When my daughter got into a highly selective gifted school her (former) best friend’s parent minimized it by saying he knows of another student at the school who was “really gifted”. After that all the play dates stopped and they always had an excuse for not being able to meet up. I got over it but my daughter (5yo) was very confused and sad about her friend.

[@annelorenz2857]

Thank you for this video, Dr R! I’m a nurse practitioner and experienced this to a tee with one of the docs I worked with. When he saw that I was successful, he launched a rigorous smear campaign ( enlisted the toxic manager and several nurses as flying monkeys) against me and I decided to leave- - not without wounds, but so glad to be out and now in a job where my successes are truly celebrated

[@JaimeWarlock]

I realized a long time ago that she wanted to sabotage reaching my goals. Don't talk about your plans and hide or minimize any success.

[@lasphynge8001]

Yep. That's how I was demoted from golden child status (which in a way I'm glad happened, bc 1. it was unfair to my brother and 2. I might eventually have ended up a narcissist myself, who knows). Through my childhood, my father was extremely proud that his daughter was good at drawing and supportive of me walking in his footsteps... but when I got close to graduating in arts and therefore exceeding his own level of qualification and technical ability, suddenly he started randomly popping his head over my shoulder when I was drawing to make awful comments -_- . And, I'm not even kidding, he once said my drawings were straight up "poo poo"... now I find it comical, but for insecure young me, added to an already extremely competitive and petty art school environment, this coming from a once supportive parent was devastating

[@jessieperson]

My mother is a narcissist, but she kind of sees me as an extension of herself. So when I'm successful, she's really happy but immediately starts thinking of how it can benefit her...If I make more money, she asks for money etc.

[@poisonedchalice]

Sounds familiar x

[@Rainjojo]

Man… I thought I was the only one going through this

[@kateoverdier8716]

I was married to a narcissistic man who was also an air force pilot. Although there was always a pattern of some narcissistic abuse in our relationship, it became much, much more intense when I aced my entrance exams for grad school & made straight As each semester. He became much more cold, remote, dismissive, and critical toward me. He took more and more assignments overseas, so we were apart much more often. He "forgot" my birthday while he was on one work trip in England. He was insulted when I expressed my hurt at having no phone call, no card, & no acknowledgement of my birthday a few days later. He would return from 30 days away & want to play golf rather than spend the weekend with me. When he had the first 4 month break in between work trips ever in his air force career, I was thrilled that he'd be home & we would be together. However, he informed me he'd already decided to get an EMT certification so he could pursue a paramedic certification, and his classes would be on the opposite weeknights of one of my grad classes, so we wouldn't have any week nights together. When I expressed hurt at not being involved in his decision & at not being able to spend time together during that one 4 month gap between his missions, he coldly informed me that I was getting my dream (to attend grad school- something I'd had to delay 5yrs due to his moves the air force required every 2 yrs) so, since I was getting my dream, he now should get to have his dream. When I asked in confusion, "Isn't being an air force pilot your dream?" he calmly informed me that further discussion was pointless, and he had to go (end the call). Before ending the call he did inform me though that he'd be attending the private university in town since it was "much more prestigious" than the state school (where I was attending my grad classes.) His coldness to me continued to increase until I couldn't sleep & could barely make it through a day without crying (since I couldn't figure out why my husband had so suddenly seemed to stop loving me.) He insisted nothing was wrong, and in classic narcissist style said he wanted to help me get help. He didn't want to go to counseling with me but strongly endorsed I go, since I "seemed to need help." Classic and brutal gaslighting. I found a counselor who knew nothing about Narcissism, & also a good female psychiatrist, & began for the 1st time in my life to take an antidepressant, which helped me markedly. Soon after that, I moved out when he was gone on a fishing trip. I moved into the university dorms to be a resident assistant, & was filled to overflowing with the flood of normal human interactions surrounding me on a daily basis at the dorms and on campus. About 4 yrs later during our divorce my soon to be ex spouse told me "it was hard (for him) when I began my grad classes, because (he) would only have an undergrad degree, but (I) would have a grad degree." I was totally blown away. Since I valued him for who he was, since he made much more money than I did, & since he had a popular & prestigious career, it NEVER would have occurred to me that my schooling would trigger him. I learned a lot in that moment. It took lots of counseling & lots of time, but I healed & today life is better than ever. Whatever your situation, BELIEVE that you deserve the right to pursue your dreams & BELIEVE that you can achieve them. Even if it takes time to make your first step to whatever you dream of doing, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!! You WILL get there!

[@michellec6336]

Dr. Ramani, I would really like to hear you discuss the relationship between a narcissistic mother, her daughter, how it impacts the daughter's life, and how to break free of the pain. Thank you

[@onechainhawaii4705]

Michelle Crouch I hope she does ,I’m going threw the same thing,

[@Jane-gt6ef]

Before Dr. Ramani does, there's a good book covering this topic - Will I Ever Be Good Enough? - by Karyl McBride. I recommend it for a starting point. I have a narc mother (and a father), she was SO envious of me! Always playing me down... When a music teacher picked me for private singing lessons, she killed it. She never attended any of my piano concerts (nothing big, these were just small concerts arranged by the piano teacher of my class). When I got my masters in the education, she dismissed it (well, you are just a teacher, so what - she has only elementary education). The list can go on and on... BTW, she adores my husband. She complains to him about me often. Also very typical for mothers of such kind!

[@andiincali.4663]

Me too!

[@MamtaNarang]

Michelle here is my story. I'm still recovering though I feel happy and I'm literally not at all attached to my mom now. An Ode To My Narc Mom - medium.com/@mamtanarang/an-ode-to-my-narcissistic-mom-22f8807ba331

[@ngeee10]

Yes please do one this happens so much between mother and daughters

[@cat4331]

I’m tired of some people being jealous of your success and trying to dismiss it cus “you’re just pretty.” Or “you’re an affirmative action hire.” OOOOOK bro thanks

[@justinedale7575]

This one rings my bell! Thank you, thank you...validation is a wonderful thing!

[@SunandSunflowers]

Exactly, me too

[@doms5755]

Can I pet you lol

[@dereklemire6]

It really comes down to all who you know in this life sad but true

[@robinrevell5873]

@I am ME Boom!! Speak it!! My mother...can you believe that? My MOTHER is one of the most sexist people I know. She has learned to "feign helplessness" with men. Gag!!!

[@joannahediger7820]

My mother. And every therapist I asked for help was totally oblivious or blamed me. Thank you for finally telling these truths!!

[@laurenw963]

I've been through this a number of times, actually twice. My mother used to enjoy ruining things that meant a lot to me. My first husband kicked me to the curb for someone else when my band was getting a little too much notoriety than his. I divorced him for that. Of course he thought I would come back to him when she dumped him. Seriously? Down the road I met the narcissist of all narcissists, and we moved in together. When I announced that I was going to go to school (yes, nursing school, what else?) his true colors really came out. I did very, very well in my prerequisites, and after my first semester he just flat out dumped me, for someone else, as it turns out. I stayed single for a long time after that. There wasn't all this information about narcissists back then. I had to figure it out on my own. Now, I'm married to a fabulous guy that always supports me when I undertake something that's important to me. He was worth waiting for. See? There is happiness after narcissists. You've got to get away from them because they will ruin your life. Down the road, once you've gotten over that nightmare, you'll wonder what you ever saw in them.

[@dontmt6378]

When you combine the knowledge of narcissism with red pill philosophy your unstoppable.

[@thecount_1957]

Indeed!

[@lyndoraburroughs-robinson5663]

The many Narcissist that surrounded me hated any success or compliments that were given to me. It's absolutely exhausting. They all began raining on my parade. I felt attacked and humiliated over the course of many years. After realizing what they were , I immediately removed myself from the presence of these people, some of whom were family 😳. My true friends and family members to this day have my back and still defend me. I love your content. Each one teach one 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💯

[@hindsightpov4218]

Lyndora Burroughs -Robinson I can relate as I have narcs in my family. It took me a long time to realize they were narcissists. I guess they were in my blind spot. When I removed myself from being within their reach, that was the beginning of me finding any peace in life. I wish you the best of luck on your journey to happiness.

[@lyndoraburroughs-robinson5663]

@@hindsightpov4218 Thank you. I wish you all the best and continued success ❤🙏🏽

[@hindsightpov4218]

🙂

[@Rubylove48]

When I got my job training in neurosurgery, I called my narc mother. The first thing she said to me was ‘no man will want you now’. Over the last few years I realised how she crushed every outstanding thing I did, and made me feel like I was ‘luckier’ than her and my siblings for my success. Not only was there abuse but there was destruction of any joy, any good. I only realised when I hit 40 how I felt guilty for anything good that I created and worked for in my life. I sabotaged my life on a subconscious level. And maybe I missed out on having kids because of this. People told me it was too much, too outstanding, too talented, too feeling, too thinking. I also grew up in a culture where being outstanding was a liability. I am a minority and a woman so the suppression was compounded. I have stopped apologising for the good that I create. I am generous and the more I have the more I can give and do for others. I don’t have to have nothing or be left beaten in the corner, or put myself down to be accepted or loved. They would never love you anyway. It’s lonely but at least I am fulfilling my potential and offering my life in service to the evolution of humanity. 🥰✌🏽

[@sharenvierra5606]

I came from a place of such contentment having lived alone for many years. I was successful and preparing for retirement when I agreed to buy a home with my son and his family. We found the perfect home and set off on what I thought would be a growing, and rewarding life with healthy expectations. Early into this, very early, I started feeling self doubt and intimidation from my daughter in law. Fast forward 5 years of sheer hell and I finally discovered Narcissism. OMG! Thank you for liberating me and giving me back my "self".

[@VanessaCv3]

Well, in my case he was very happy for my success. Because he was taking advantage of me.. financially. He was literally using me.

[@mweusimrembo890]

Me too lol

[@kynathomas4809]

They are known for using people.

[@suewalton1795]

Me too!!!’

[@Jl-ou4jt]

Exactly

[@hindsightpov4218]

My narc father is the king of mixed messages. Since I was a little kid, he demanded I be a big success who made a lot of money. He wanted to live a luxurious lifestyle and expected me to support him financially so he could do that. But every time I succeeded at something, my father would crap all over it, telling me that wasn’t the way to do things. Whatever I did, it was always not good enough according to him. I couldn’t do anything right in his mind. Being constantly demoralized by my narc father sabotaged me from being able to build on my successes. My successes became less and less frequent as I got older. My father was constantly interrogating me and I couldn’t bear to hear from him that my successes were nothing. I firmly believe subconsciously that prevented me from reaching my full potential in life.

[@Tawanda99]

Mixed messages, moving the goal posts, build you up then pull you down. Same thing happened to me. Killed my self worth before I had a chance. I always wonder what I would have become without my narcissistic father! Now I’m 51 and stuck with my narc husband. What a waste. If I only knew then what I know now.

[@PurplePinkRed]

Yes! So true! "I just want you to be successful", yet their actions show the exact opposite. You think for years it was your failures that caused it. Nope, it was self doubt erroding you the entire time, all thanks to the narcissist.

[@ABSP5766]

I have been concealing my achievements from my parents for decades. Dr. Romani is helping me so much to understand so many things in my life.

[@bangeru1]

Where have you been all our lives Dr Ramani? These explanations and concrete examples are eye opening and mind blowing in how they clarify one's own experiences both privately and professionally. Thank you.

[@GypsyJulie]

When I posted on FB that my handmade jewelry was in a magazine, my GC sister messaged me and started a fight and was relentless. I told her to knock it off. My father told me if I was against one, I was against them all. That they were a family of sharks and were going to tear me apart until they saw blood in the water! I went no contact and lost all my relatives and my inheritance. All over a small success for my handmade jewelry business! I got PTSD and struggle now with my creativity, which has created a huge loss of income.

[@niadabreo8907]

Gypsy Julie they don’t matter.. seek God instead he has the answer.. tell God how you feel... speak from your heart.. God will make a way..#levelup

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

GJ, so sorry but your inheritance would be blood money anyway. Now you’re free; keep on keeping on 💪🏼💐

[@icherishcrochetandknit309]

Sweetie, i had family do the same thing to me. They persecute me because of my religious beliefs, what I choose to do for "a job", etc...they hold money over your head and threaten to taking it away if you do anything against their wishes. I could care less about their money. But what is more valuable to me is a family members love and support. Not in my family. They are all self centered selfish people who would let alone leave you on the side of the road for dead than to be a human being. They are not saved. They are ungodly. I pray for them. Leave it in God's hands to deal with their hearts. There is nothing you can do at a certain point to help these people. It is heart breaking. You have love in your heart for them no matter what but they don't.

[@robinrevell5873]

Holy cow! That is incredible. So sorry about this.

[@MyLifeAsRaphael]

I'm very sorry this happened to you. Rise above it and shine again !!!!!

[@caseychalemanderson2660]

When I finally received a review praising my paintings during a prestigious exhibition my narcissist “made a joke “ , “who did you have to sleep with to achieve that” -horrible

[@Becapy88]

And of course it’s concealed behind “a joke” and should you try to address the problem with such a joke, the narc will have a total meltdown and claim that you’re in the wrong. 🤮🤯

[@Honeybeemcnugget]

My mom never supported my goals or dreams. She would tell me I was unlikable, weird and had no friends because of my attitude, and then whenever I had friends or would go, she would find ways to put me down. She criticizes me when I don’t clean the right way, if I don’t shower the right way, and if I don’t act as compliant and scared as she wants. Recently whenever I would get attention for my looks and “beauty,” my mom would bring up all the negative stuff I did behind closed doors or from when I was a kid.

[@darkanser]

A lot of this sounds like pure envy!! I recall sharing some personal good fortune I had with a friend -- just to share some personal news. I found out later this friend thought I was bragging. It never occurred to me this friend would have taken that view. Had I anticipated that I would NOT have told her. I would have kept it to myself!!!

[@MC-zu8lb]

It's crazy how when you come from that type of household, you're constantly second guessing yourself for even thinking that your parent is in fact a narcissist. But that survivor's guilt is so heavy and even disabling going into the adulthood. It used to get to me so bad that I even thought it's sick how my mother seems to lighten up when I wasn't doing well. When I shared about buying a home at a young age which I was so proud of, she didn't seem to show much interest. But it is when I'm not well that she goes in and start putting thoughts and ideas in my head to try to manipulate. I'll always love her because she is my mother but I wish things could be different for her.

[@eurokay4755]

I'm in exactly the same boat. I've never felt so loved and wanted as when I went through chemo and surgery for breast cancer about 10 years ago. Mom insisted on being at every treatment with me, even though my husband is a physician at the same hospital and was there every single time, too. Now, I realize that experience was more about her than it was about me. In the past few years, for example, Mom planned an extensive family vacation, including flights and vrbo rentals that included my narc older brother, my younger brother and his wife, and both brothers' kids. She casually mentioned she was leaving on "the only family vacation there will be this year" to me while I was at her house one day less than a week before they all left. She then asked if my family would like to join them. She did it in the nicest possible voice and I stupidly thought it was sincere, sssuming they would be making the trip by driving the 10-12 hours. When I said as much, she got visibly uncomfortable and said no, they all had reservations to fly together. It still wasn't until I was driving home that I realized the plans had been made months in advance and the invite wasn't sincere at all. She only mentioned the trip so she could later say that she'd invited us and and we just weren't able to come. When I formally declined the next day, saying my family of 4 just couldn't arrange to join them on such short notice, she acted surprised. During that trip, she and my narc brother discussed with the rest the family the wedding plans for his only daughter: a destination wedding in Alaska the following summer. I later received cryptic, partial information about the plans in group emails because they "forgot" I hadn't been on the family trip where the plans were discussed the previous summer. I had to remind them and was begrudgingly, I now realize, provided enough detail to be able to arrange for us to go. I now realize that their primary motivation for even this much was that narc bro's ex-wife, the bride's mother, would also be there with her family and they wanted a strong showing for his sake. It's been almost 3 years since then, and it still hurts a lot. The good news is that after these events and few others, I started researching, stepping back and objectively evaluating the patterns of Mom and narc bro's irratic, irrational behavior toward me in different situations, and found so much good information and support on sites like this. I'm still recognizing my role in the pattern, still shocked at how callous and obvious it is that my Mom and my narc brother really disdain and dislike me, and only seem interested in me and my family as sort of objects to complete a set. I went no contact with him over a year ago, and am gray rocking Mom like it's my job. I only maintain that limited contact because she's 85 and I feel I can maintain my equilibrium as long as he's not present. I will not discuss him with her, which she continually tries to get me to do, but she's easily distracted to another topic. It's actually amusing how easy it is to turn her invitation to gossip about him into a discussion of the latest Downton Abbey episode she watched or book club meeting she attended. I've gotten scarily good at sticking to obscenely superficial, mindless "happy talk" with her now and she seems not to notice at all and even says hoe much she loves me. . .which is hard not to want very badly. But I see them both extremely clearly now as helplessly cruel, petty, fearful, bitter and extraordinarily lonely people who deserve one another, but no longer deserve me. The awareness makes me very sad, but also very, very grateful for my amazing husband and adult kids, wonderful work family, loving friends and the memory of my wise, dear father, all of whom, by contrast, fill my world with joy and peace.

[@sabastiantaylor7209]

I always made more than my narc. Then I got a huge pay increase and moved to the top tier in the company. Pay increase 5 times. We had a company car, access to corporate houses. Free tickets to events. Free travel they would never go with me anywhere. I even hired them as an employee and they always found an excuse and always said I changed. I never changed. I had always had these type of job titles previously. So many wasted benefits. I thought of us as very lucky and I was super grateful for the perks always. I can look back and see things so differently now.

[@jacksonco4950]

Sabastian Taylor how’d you end it?

[@sabastiantaylor7209]

Jackson & Co I will try to keep it brief. I tied to be fair. All I wanted were my 2 dogs and she could have half the money. Keep the house just part ways. She was NOT happy about this. Became irate furious and not reasonable. I was confused, I was more than fair. I started digging. She had been unfaithful for years and years. The things I had to find out and hear from strangers. I won’t repeat. It was disturbing. What she did was evil to its core. I realized I don’t know this person at all. I gathered my case for 2 years. I lived with this repulsive human being for 2 years. When my lawyer finally built a case so strong she couldn’t get or win anything. That day I packed up my dogs and left. Never to hear or speak to her again. I was loyal, I provided a very good life, I was very supportive and I was an ideal husband. Now I pity her. Someone who cannot appreciate what a nice,calm, and privileged lifestyle we had must be very very sad and very very unsatisfied inside their heart and mind. At one point I loved her very much. I adored her. I had eyes for no one else but a person should never hear the things I heard from other men about their wife. I know she knows what she lost. But me and dogs are very happy now!!!

[@jacksonco4950]

Sabastian Taylor WOW! That is an experience that I’d never wish on anyone! I’m glad you and the dogs made it out; I’m sure the dogs feel relieved as well! Now we all know the signs of a narcissist 🙌🏾

[@LDT7Y]

I would say to any men who are doing well in life... be very very careful about the women you date/marry. I have several wealthy businessmen in my family and I worked as a director for a local business owner. All of them, at some point, have dated or married stealth gold-diggers who then cheated and tried to ruin them. Everyone else knew about it, but they were completely blind-sided and worshipped the ground these women walked on. The business owner that I work for now married a narc gold-digger 2 years ago as a second wife (after a very short LDR). I have no idea what she is like at home (although he complains she has bad anger issues and demands he earns more and more money), however when he is out of the room she is a gold-plated bitch to everyone and just insults and mocks her husband and anyone who doesn't treat her like the princess she thinks she is. And she has very openly asked myself and another female employee to let her know if we know any rich guys we can introduce her to. She doesn't even try to hide the fact that she married for money and told him to his face that half of his stuff is now hers. Yet he thinks he is a terrible husband, ugly, useless, insensitive, etc (he will actually come to business meetings apologising for these things, its got that bad!). He married a monster and she has convinced him he is one. That's what these creatures do. With a sweet smile on their face like Jodie Arias.

[@ckl5801]

Sabastian Taylor you sound like a real “catch” and she wasted your time and good will. Good for you! Wishing you a lifetime of happiness and hoping you find a partner who truly appreciates you and wants to enjoy life with you! God bless you!

[@thiccletics]

“Don’t set your pearls before swine!”

[@michaelgarrow3239]

Pity is free. Envy is earned… Narcissists absolutely undermine you.

[@joseenoel8093]

They're threatened because their mission failed! Mom downplayed anything I did, her go to gear, big ambition on her part, best she could do!

[@ericking4072]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.1 YEAR AGO I LANDED EMPLOYMENT THAT EARNS UPWARDS OF 100K$/YEAR.SHE ALREADY KNEW I WOULD GIVE HER EVERY LAST PENNY.SUPER CONFUSING BECAUSE I ALLOWED HER TO BE THE HOMEMAKER SHE WANTED TO BE.BUT HAVING THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A GOLDFISH I GUESS SOCIAL MEDIA/NEW SUPPLY GOT MORE OF HER ATTENTION😪

[@joseenoel8093]

@@ericking4072 Hi Eric, can't win for trying!

[@MsLuvmusic81]

@@ericking4072 they are selfish, they receive your help but at the same time hate you for helping; LEAVE NOW!

[@joseenoel8093]

@Desley Hemmingsen Hi hon, me too, I've got mine by the ..... though, not an easy feat considering their grapeness but grasp still there, he's ok, now I do as I please, why not, one of us may as well be happy 😊!

[@joseenoel8093]

@charlotte webber nah, done running, now he can run, he's protected from eggshells though due to need to continously wear orthotics, got me a jock, he runs real good for an old fvcker with nice savings and pension, view's not bad either!

[@sdeepa352]

I'm a med student and few months ago i scrubbed in for a surgery for the very first time. Though it was a minor hernioplasty, still a big deal for me. When i told my mom.....forget abt congratulations or I'm proud of u...nothing. Rather what i recieved was " isn't that a vry small surgery"....even when she knows how much i love that subject and how imp it was to me. My parents keep boosting me around their peers while they haven't told me even once that they are proud of me.

[@daisygallardo4645]

This is very accurate! My sibling harassed me so much when I was a freshman in college, I changed from music vocal performance major to undecided because I was filled with crippling doubt. He would tell me it was such a waste of time, I wasn’t going to sustain a life with it, it was stupid, “why don’t you listen to my advice!” He’d do this daily and he’d go in a rage for questioning him and having an opinion. It was hell. I was lost and took several years to decide a new major. He was always jealous of my talent. I still regret not pursuing music. I became depressed and my brain is still afraid to pick it up. He also grew furious after every car purchase I ever made. He once took the lead on finding me a car and pushed me to get one without power windows which was one of my requirements since my previous car didn’t have this. He was insulted when I argued against his “judgement.” Omg, I can go on and on...

[@reneemorgan3144]

This is so true. My mother is exactly like this to this day. She's never satisfied unless she's center stage.

[@Tilly236]

This happened with my mother when I was accepted onto the highest level of an art course. She was enthusiastic up until then. She ignored my text and made an excuse for it, and discarded me the day before the course started. I still did the course and passed at the highest level. It made me more determined.

[@annahorvath849]

It's a life-saving advice! I wish somebody had told me this when I was 8. Thanks a lot Dr. Ramani!

[@truthiseverything9511]

I became super successful immediately after leaving and that's when he began an online smear campaign within our mutual groups. Instead of getting the results he wanted, he was immediately banned from these groups. The people I work with know who's who. Thank you, God.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

I will always remember my mother saying when I got my first employment at a renowned company after receiving my economics highschool diploma (Germany): *"You got more of luck than brains."* YEP. Stuck with me. 👍👍

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@E k she still is. Now she tries to disinherit me i.e. cut off my share from my fathers legacy (not legal for children at my place) and to make me responsible for the poor decisions she and my narc father took in life. Ridiculous! 👍😅

[@icherishcrochetandknit309]

Those snide remarks hurt really deep. My Dad is famous for his 1 liner insults. Sometimes it takes me awhile to catch on...try to justify what he said with an explanation of my own and then i pause for a moment, he looks at me and says it again, and says get it? I then realize what meaness is in his heart. I prayed to God crying out about this torture and God told me, you are not talking to your dad anymore. I then sat for a few seconds thinking that God was telling me not to talk to him anymore...but what God was actually saying was that I was talking to a devil, not my Dad. The Bible says that God gives you over to a reprobate mind if you keep rejecting him. My Dad is an athiest.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@icherishcrochetandknit309 I get it. 😊 Jesus saved me (and my hsb) 15 years ago, I am so grateful. Psalm 27:10 is a key verse to me... Much love, blessings your way! 🙏

[@ckl5801]

What a lie!

[@Freedommjw]

Yep... when I wasn't around my ex would brag about my artistic talent but if I sold a painting, he would make me pay. Being young and uninformed, I all but stopped painting...then he would ridicule me for not painting. I felt like I was in Bizzaro World.

[@cynthiapereira8403]

Freedommjw watch “Big Eyes”.

[@larasudomlak7128]

"You would be nothing without me" . The comment made to me by a significant other when I made a career advancement of my own accord to better myself. I graduated from the basic employment I was given when I entered the relationship into the legal field and also became a Justice of the Peace. My boss at the time said I could have gone alot further. But my personal life went from extremely difficult to absolute hell as punishment for persuing my potential. No one will ever have an opportunity to tell me that " I would be nothing without them" again.🗽

[@Notmytoe]

This video is like a story of my entire life! No one ever talks about it, thank you for bringing it to light. I have competitive narcissistic parents who always expected a high level of success, but also hated us for any success. We were shamed heavily either way. It's crushing. When my brother and I were in prestigious high schools, my parents went absolutely insane with the at home drama, so we could barely focus on our own lives. Then we both got into professional schools and it only got worse. It was so bad. My mom was faking heart attacks at one point right before my finals and that wasn't even the biggest bit of drama on my plate. They pulled every trick you mentioned in the vidoe and more. I was naive to narcissism back then, so I felt like I had to solve everything at home and I felt guilty for focusing on school. I ended up failing out right before my last year of the program, with a lot of debt. My parents' reactions after I failed made me realize that they were abusive people and I found out about narcissism as well. Now I am working on entering a new field. I try to hide my plans as much as possible, but already they're have been attempts of the same type of sabotage. This time I won't let it happen no matter what, and I mean that. I don't care if they live or die, I will focus on my own goals.

[@Brembelia]

This may also explain why so many children of very successful parents are not themselves successful; they subconsciously but intentionally sabotage their own success in a bid for the parent(s) love and acceptance. ----------

[@PreYeah]

Well said! It's very true!

[@GabrielsTears]

Yep, so true. Every accomplishment I have ever made was beaten down just like that.

[@LINKYART]

This is exactly happening with My Dad and my brother. My Brother just recently had some financial success after years of hard work, mind you…and my Dad has been doing everything to make him feel guilty and shitty about it. Yes and taking credit for it too. I was actually very surprised by my Dad…it really highlighted his insecurities.

[@Pomoscorzo]

Last time I met my mother was by accident. I had not seen her in 15 years because I had already gone no contact. She stared at me like she couldn't believe it: I was fine, looking healthy and happy and had a nice man by my side. She didn't even ask for his name, or whether we were happy. I went away after a few minutes, saying in parting, "We're doing well." Her answer, in a vicious tone: "I can see that." So much for mommy dearest loving me and wanting only my best. I was only valuable to her as a doormat. Nothing could irritate her more than my happiness.

[@salonika101]

I Still remember Clearly sharing my 97 % science grade to my narc dad in 7th grade, which i worked very hard for, "he replied, good, where's the other 3 points?" They're very good at doing what they do.

[@lasithasindu9468]

Most people create children not out of love ,But just to fill up their insecurities.

[@pranavi4324]

I have a narcissistic sister

[@salonika101]

@@pranavi4324 That's terrible.

[@pranavi4324]

If I eat more , my sister got jealous. If I got more marks she beats me with heavy metal

[@aspenram3885]

You deserved better. 💖

[@EudoxiaBlut]

I would love a video on how to "get back in the saddle" again after being in a narcissistic relationship... it's been over a year now for me but all attempts at dating freak me out..

[@notagain779]

Eudoxia Von D, I think it's okay to need time out from dating. It's been three years for me, and I STILL feel like I have PTSD. I love watching these videos, but sometimes they trigger the old memories, too. At least the terrible shock has worn off. If you do start to date, I'd take it slow, and trust your intuition.

[@michaelpatrick7888]

called trauma or recovering from such,,,keep a journal and reread it as you go along --youll be ,in no time,or may take a lil time but wondering what was i thinking>>??

[@robinrevell5873]

@@notagain779 I think that's the key. Trusting your gut. The FIRST time my next relationship says something I KNOW is a reflection of their narcissism, I'm out.

[@robinrevell5873]

@@michaelpatrick7888 I have a diary I added to over the years. Not every day, but occasionally when I needed to vent. I look back YEARS and see all the crap. Blows my mind!

[@phoenixrising8007]

Michael Batule Interesting, I found journaling from the beginning to the end of three years of a miserable union, and what surprised me was the repetition of his behaviour. His behaviour never changed. My big take away is trust yourself above all else. When you know it’s not right, YOU KNOW and end it ASAP, don’t waste time delaying the inevitable. Don’t overstay and hang on too long, it just gets worse over time ✌️

[@larsltz1326]

We have to be more open about narcissists. Spread the word whenever you can, let other ppl know what narcissists do/have done.

[@PsychedelicPsychic]

Thank you. I'm going through this right now with my narc husband. My KZbin channel is extremely small and I finally got monetized just recently. I wanted to share my accomplishment with him and instead of being happy for me, he started insulting me. He told me my channel was stupid and that he hopes it fails because he said he feels like I care more about my channel than him(which is ridiculous and not true).

[@jenniferpilon2843]

I wanted to pursue a Doctorate, my ex wanted a baby. Two 1/2 years after my child was born, I left him; and came to realize what love really was.

[@christianprincedebates6740]

I’ve been working at this one place for 10 years and figured it was time for a change, applied for another position making waaay more money than I am now, got an offer and I’m waiting for my start date. Told my narcissist about the great news and instead of getting a “great job” or “ I’m happy for you” , I got “ but what about this” and “well you know you have this to worry about” and also “well what’s going to happen with me and my situation?”I can’t win

[@christianprincedebates6740]

Joy McCowan yup know that feeling all to well

[@theforensicbadass]

Oh my gosh. This explains a lot about my mother and the ex husband I was married to for 2 decades. My success or achievements weren't even celebrated. It felt like I was being punished or ignored, critiqued or faulted. It made me work harder try harder. Fix harder. Nothing was ever good enough and strangely... Both mommy and narco ended up replicating me and those businesses I achieved and had success in. Blows my mind how it was a competition of hate with them and how much I begged for validation and love from people that should have been happy for me and loved me Thanks Dr Ramani. Ur a God send that helps me put pieces of the puzzle together. 🙏

[@joesondag6801]

As The "scapegoat" of the family this hits on all points. Very good. Well Done/said Dr. Ramani

[@fabricecadet9109]

Wish I could like this twice. This has been my life with my covert-narc.

[@scottthomas5819]

Run away!

[@needes8559]

5 months ago. Thats when it hit me “ This person can’t even be happy for me. “ All I wanted to do was share that memory with them.....

[@lucykabuti7909]

bj

[@ST-yc7uj]

try sharing a sob story, or being in a bad mood over something bad that had just happened to you. you'll get the same response, or worse-they'll give you another reason to be sad/unsettled for- their putdown.

[@Keekonuts]

When I received a small promotion at work, my husband said; ‘what are you doing? Showing off?’. The next day he denied saying that.

[@msteach3082]

For my entire life my narc mother had belittled and diminished every accomplishment I achieved. At the age of 30 I went no contact, and it was the best decision I ever made.

[@wolfgangk1]

GREAT PRESENTATION!!!! I've HAD (no longer) a few pathological narcissists as you mentioned in my life. In fact, I nicknamed one of them, "Buzz Kill."

[@Jane-gt6ef]

😅

[@icherishcrochetandknit309]

😄funny. Not funny. Buzz kill.

[@dianefarley37]

Congratulations on your successes! So happy that you were able to leave these tar babies behind!

[@robinrevell5873]

LOL!

[@ceeze9923]

Dr. Ramani you hit it on the nail. My ex was upset because I was working hard at school and flipped on me. But in my mind I’m thinking if were together, and you’re my lady, if I make it! Not one of us gets left behind. Am I wrong?

[@Rosalith]

Youre not wrong at all

[@MsLuvmusic81]

shes wrong! let her go!

[@joseenoel8093]

She's wrong, you'll make it right, she'll wrong it again and blame it on you, that doesn't make sense now does it, you don't even need us to show you that, just confirmation 'cause her actions are making you question yourself! (she's no lady, a good person claps for you not stabs at you) xox

[@djx3no18]

That's exactly what I thought for years! All narcs and psycopaths in my life. everybody. The reason they don't understand that concept is they are constantly projecting their toxic traits onto you....they would be selfish with their success, so they assume you would be too

[@dianecfranich]

Who knows what's next, no guarantee, Success and power can really change people, sometimes you don't even see what you've become and who you will attract into your life because of it.

[@vickimerritt2832]

it can even be a small victory, ie home hobby success, painting that got a ribbon in the local art show, a compliment, anything that acknowledges you being you. They are very threatened by you doing more than existing as their cheerleader only.

[@44ccsofadrenaline]

It's burning him alive. And after all of the rumors and actual libel he tried to spread about me, I smiled warmly when I heard he had to move back to our hometown (which he'd always loudly criticize, right up until he had to go back). I love my hometown, and in the past have had to bounce back there myself, but heck if I don't enjoy witnessing an evil, jealous (of everyone) little man eat his words. Thanks be to God, and Truth.

[@Ikr2025]

My father was never interested in how my job was going or happy for me if I got a new job. Even though I’d struggled with getting my first job and with my self esteem most of my life to the point I always doubted my abilities and I was always really surprised if I did well or achieved anything. The most I would get put of him was a grimace or a wry smile. He suggested instead of my (secure well paying) job I’d benefit from working in the volunteer sector (getting next to no pay). As though my job wasn’t giving me enough ‘real’ experience. He was a minister in the church & never brought in much money. My mother was the one who supported us financially. I didn’t take him up on the suggestion though. I think really he’d be most happy if I’d become a monk and hidden myself away in a cave somewhere eternally.

[@Peecup]

Unbelievable. Every day I find out more about my narc wife. She did this to me. It’s like you’ve been living in our house. You know her so well.

[@GoodieeJess]

I was with a narcissist for 7 years. I had no idea how dim he was making me over the years. I have been watching 1 to 3 of your videos each day. I start my day with at least one. You have helped me keep strength to not go running back wanting his approval. And it all makes sense now!! I thank you so much for what you have done for me! For all of us! And I have found my shine again!!!!! I cry tears of joy now instead of sadness ❤

[@Playstationmmm]

I had a narcissist cousin, who was a housewife. I was single and had a career.., I ended up going into business also, got a boyfriend who was successful and move us in a big beautiful home. The narcissist kept on bringing up why we are not choosing to marry( once she saw I wasn’t no longer caring about marriage), my business really took off , I was able to buy me and my son new BMWs, etc she would begin lying on her son stating he was making 260, 000/ yr( this child didn’t even go to university)., after a while she totally stop talking to me.. I even invited her to attend a Christmas party and she didn’t show up!

[@lulabella9249]

Thank you for shedding light on the roots of how we select narcassistic relationships in our lives....yes, I said "select". As much as I would love to blame the narcassists I've encountered in my lifetime, they are a reflection of the things I need to heal in my own life (that being my relationship,or lack there of, with my dad while I was growing up)..If we are "choosing" to stay in these relationships then we need to have some accountability in how we deal with them. Narcassists carry their own deep shame and childhood stuff, no excuses for their behaviour but again it's all about how we respond verses react to how they bring to surface our own childhood wounding. Dr. Ramani, it's not a coincidence that you manage to always put out a video when I need to be reminded of the things I need to keep doing to stay on the track of healing🙏Bless your precious soul for your gift of research and insight into such difficult relationships as those with narcassists and codependents❤

[@robinrevell5873]

Lula, this is where I'm at right now, too. Accountability and putting light into the reality of the relationships. I am accountable for my own life, regardless of what kind of luggage others are dragging around behind them. You do better when you know better. I know better now and it sounds like you do too.

[@lulabella9249]

@@robinrevell5873 I wish I could say that I know better. Although I'm not in physical contact (cuz I've blocked my npd ex, for the umpteenth time) I still feel energetically attached to him. It's been an arduous journey. I'm grateful for my therapist, Dr. Ramani and people like you, who try to compassionately relate to what I'm going through🤗

[@robinrevell5873]

@@lulabella9249 Boy can I relate. We've been married 32 years and to end the relationship is what I must do. Easy, oh no, even though it's a miserable relationship. But, it's really my only option because I've lost so much self-respect for putting up with the lying, sneaking, manipulating, silent treatment, selfishness. I could go on. But I have literally done everything possible to save this marriage and there's nothing left to do.

[@lulabella9249]

@@robinrevell5873 my heart goes out to you❤I was married to a narcassist...notice the pattern? I k ow I do😕anyways, I will pray for you before I go to sleep tonight. Prayer and connecting with the blessed virgin Mary, has kept me so grounded and sane. I'm not religious, but the energy of Mother Mary is mind blowing. She is always guiding me to my higher self🙏

[@robinrevell5873]

@@lulabella9249 Aww, thank you. Sincerely. That means a lot.

[@infinitetundra]

I got a Car and my Mom instead of congratulating me, she started to berate me by saying the only reason she never got a Car is because she was “taking care of me.”

[@TM-sp4si]

When my boyfriend bought me a car, the narcissists (mom, aunt and grandma) made fun of it. It's 100% jealousy.

[@RC-ey4gm]

I’m vomiting on the narcissists that I’m aware of the games and by now, I seriously don’t mind the further slandering of my name in their big/fake circles.

[@elizabethdelavega8304]

I dated a man that had not one but two BA degrees. When I went back to school I got my BA and then proceeded with my Master’s, he told me to my face, that he couldn’t allow me to have a higher degree, he went and got a PhD. Everywhere we went, he’d boast, I was so embarrassed all the time. I pleaded for him not to, that was many years ago. Thank you Doc!

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

I remember when my sister bought flowers for my mother and her response was “must be nice to have that kind of money” 😳 I had long since gray rocked her (is it possible to gray rock at age 4?). At the time we just thought she was a jerk; we were right. Pathetic life to be involved on any level. 🐬🐬

[@joseenoel8093]

Yes very possible to gray rock at 4, you only learn what that was years later thanks to these kind hearted docs!

[@icherishcrochetandknit309]

My Dad ate my goldfish when he got drunk and i really hated him for that. I was 4 or 5. He then told me i could get another one. NOT THE POINT!

[@GeorgideMarne]

@@icherishcrochetandknit309 bravos !

[@GeorgideMarne]

Yes, it's possible to "grey rock" when 4, I did that too 😉.

[@robinrevell5873]

@@icherishcrochetandknit309 ☹