WHY PEOPLE GET BLINDSIDED TESTING THE INFJ

[@Wenzes]

Do people get blindsided when they test you?

[@MegaCyberleader]

Generally only if I detect narcissism.

[@simovtransportmedia1137]

It's all about the intuition and introversion. Intuition give's us the ability to understand and introversion give's us the ability to keep the things we have learned for our selfs. This is what the INFJ drama is all about - how can we crack our ice covered surface ourselfs when we want to be understood because people don't like complicated things. Well it's not good for you to make yourself transparent right away, but when it come's to me I always feel like I overdo this „hiding game“ and miss opportunities. Or probably I understans too much how other people behave and that cloud's my mind giving me the constant question am I doing right with this person and that makes my ice cover even thicker. The constant INFJ struggle - been able to understand all and not been able to aply what you know to your own self.

[@l0I0I0I0]

This is one of your better videos with is helpful especially for others to understand INFJs. Thank you!

[@l0I0I0I0]

@@sharonbrowder5856 Hey Sharon. Wenzes specializes in vids for INFJ, hundreds of them. INFJs are pretty rare so it's a nitch market and the market usually is looking for INFJ vids.

[@l0I0I0I0]

@@sharonbrowder5856 INFjs are usually the opposite of narcissist from my understanding. INFJs have high empathy off the charts for others, and are 3 times more likely to be criminally assaulted from narcissist abuse due to high compassion, easy going nature, and acceptances of other people's issues. Also, narcissist have many types and it greatly misunderstood and really requires a competent evaluation from someone who specializes in it. It can be a hard thing to work through but can be improved if one is willing to grow. You may be instrumental in helping him do so, but I would highly recommend a good loving psychologist type to help you proceed as this is not something you can do own your own. There is also a program for married couples call I think retrovive, or something like that that helps couples become stronger and learn to work through hard relationship issues. The program has been highly successful and if you are interested, I can find out more on it sometime today or this weekend, like a website?

[@jeaniebird999]

I find it extremely insulting when someone feels the need to test me. I'm already an open book and I'm not a liar. Testing me isn't necessary, just fucking ask!

[@shynicorn3193]

Best Tip for INFJ: Dont offer help or tell them what you see unless you are asked for help. You can root for them, you can tell them you cant have them in your life if traits to toxic for your mental health, set boundaries instantly. If they are meant for you to help, they will stay and eventually ask for our wisdom. Otherwise, you will have a broken heart alot because you cannot help those that havent started seeking for themselves. Sometimes, denying them access is the catalyst that helps them self analyze.

[@charde9739]

Thank you

[@sarahatkinson1092]

Thinking of ourselves as an ice burg is so helpful for me. I wonder why people are always testing me, but it makes sense that they’ve come to a conclusion about who I am based on the small amount of data they have. Once I understand who you are I adjust. My curiosity is satisfied and if needed I’ll close the door. People are always surprised at how I can love them, but still close the door if they cross my boundaries/disrespect me and our connection. Thank you

[@JohnDoe-pd4jo]

I feel like people tend to take istp traits and pin it as INFJ traits. This is one of them.

[@GuardianAngel..]

@Sarah what are you talking about your not even a INFJ Relax I was only testing you 😁

[@m.e.3614]

@@sarahatkins5945 Nice reply. ;-)

[@charde9739]

@@GuardianAngel.. I immediately thought wow how do you know she’s not!?!?🤔🤔🤔then my next thought while I clicked to open the comment fully was” go to the comments to see if she replied and if she’s mad!🫨” and then when I seen the ‘gotcha!’ I giggled..that was a good one 😂

[@BigHenFor]

Verify, then Trust. It's a lifesaver because one's empathy can be turned against you. Remember, people's perceptions often don't match reality. And they won't ask what you mean, because they don't want to show their ignorance. Avoid people who don't ask questions, and don't listen.

[@maheenpro2560]

Wow. Yeah I recently learnt to not believe everything people tell me. As everyone have their own perceptions. Just respect their perception and leave it at that. Trust the logical and physical evidence.

[@gitodo2692]

I hate when people just listen to respond 🙄 Not actually listening to understand, it's so exhausting.

[@theresefournier3269]

@@gitodo2692 It's such a waste of precious time, yes! The eyes, truly are, the soul's mirror! 🤔❤️🔥💯

[@gitodo2692]

@@theresefournier3269 haha true talk about the eyes you legit see they can't hold eye contact with you I long enough Like they are scared to be seen

[@theresefournier3269]

@@gitodo2692 Truly! 💐

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

Do people get blindsided when they test me? Yes. They initially feel like I'm gonna be defensive or react negatively. They find out differently once I get them to leave me alone and stay out of my way. Once they do that, they see that I pull through. Also, I don't "return the favor" so to speak whenever they come across a struggle. I'll actually help them if they need it and point out the fact that " There is no I in team ". My hope is that people learn from it rather than continue to be resentful and such.

[@tiho8194]

Irritating how true the message of this video is... After nearly 25 years of marriage and having been tested nearly every day by my partner, I was - at last! - able to ask: "How about changing yourself for a change?". I didn't realize that this question would be the start of our divorce.

[@alexinfinite7142]

Good riddance I say

[@travisbartholomay]

Once I get to a level of happiness. Being tested is no big deal same thing with anxiety

[@boobalooba5786]

For my I have found that happiness isn't the answer but instead just not allowing my emotions to be altered in the first place. If I start letting my emotions shift I just stop thinking and sit in the moment, if others are trying to force their emotions on me I feel their emotions then go back to my previous state.

[@Angel-nk4jm]

True once you are secured with yourself you dont even care how many people or who is even trying to test you. Authenticity is the key.

[@deborahwolff5651]

Haha! Yes! It feels like they don't trust us. I've always had a difficult time with this and I felt uncomfortable and put on the spot. People are too closed minded; sometimrs I think.it is jealousy. I had a toxic woman friend who used to do that every time we got together and she drove me crazy. She couldn't understand how I was so different. I'm glad I dumped her

[@deborahwolff5651]

@@T-Woman 100% agree!

[@chiefslief1886]

​@@T-Woman I agree 101%. insecurity, ego, jealousy 1st class from their side. But I don't want or ask to be tested by anyone. I have the right to be myself and sometimes it is hard to be honest so I retreat from the most people. Example: being in nature doesn't condemn or judge me❤ love all of you

[@Mamasprincess-i9s]

Nobody on planet Earth is loved unconditionally If not for physical beauty we wouldn't fall for each other ~Assertive Ambivert INFJ

[@Tomken8d2]

We see right through you and we know what you're doing.

[@longtailgt]

I think I unknowingly started going through this a while ago. I was having too many conflicts with people and the moment there was a trigger, I just decided to cut some people out (the famous door slam) and went my own way. Whether this was the right thing to do or not, I don't know, but I feel so much better and less mentally stressed than a year or two ago.

[@lindateuling7862]

I used to feel blindsided when people would pick on me, especially if I didn't know them very well. Sometimes it seemed to come out of nowhere. More often than not, I'd get berated and verbally attacked for feeling shy and/or insecure. Since I knew I wasn't perfect (who is?), I used to blame myself, being sensitive, trying to be honest and an introvert (which still isn't always well-understood). But after doing some careful self-examination, I was able to choose courage and confront people about the emotional mistreatment I was getting. In fact, I think this was the beginning of setting boundaries, even though these were the pre-internet days. One of my earliest boundaries was: "Even though I often feel insecure, and it sometimes shows, I have enough self-respect to refuse to tolerate rude treatment." When I would assert myself about this (and other things) it was my critics' turn to be blindsided, because they weren't expecting it! I learned that this verbal self care applied to other things besides social matters, but it was a good start.

[@racheldove748]

Your comment helped me a lot, thank you

[@lindateuling7862]

@@racheldove748 You're welcome!

[@GuardianAngel..]

I don’t even talk I am literally a living mirror that reflects everyone’s insecurities back them.

[@theresefournier3269]

At some point we simply reach a point of NO RETURN. Period. Nothing is ever the same again! ❤️🔥💯

[@chrislim7976]

It's NOT a good thing if an INFJ gives up on you. We are not just looking at the person but evaluating the entire situation. When INFJs leave you are truly on your own.

[@autodoson1]

Benefit Of The Doubt being seen as flaky is spot on. I guess I was being too kind? I tried to stay objective. Well while I stayed calm the message was that there was not goint to be a compromise.in return. So I just came out and said enough was enough. So as I remained friendly and again the same "you are going to do this for me" arose. I firmly just said "I'm not going to do that for you". The startled look on that persons face was just as startling to me. As I recall this happening, I wonder if a person like that even realizes that that is how that person acts. Is it so part of a person's ego to get what they want by finding someone that is genuinely trying to be a good person. Do INFJ's just somehow just bring ths kind of experiences into their lives as a by product of their personality?

[@annetcell-ly4571]

I don’t offer help anymore because a lot of people don’t want help or don’t see that they need help. Besides, who am I to interfere? Why should I allow myself to be hurt by someone who shoots the messenger.

[@katalynbabe]

I'm playing psychological games with someone trying to be in my business. Lol this person underestimated me on several levels. I think it's starting to dawn on them.

[@ptyleranodon3081]

I married into a family in which at least half of my in-laws would willingly lose a limb before they would apologize for anything, no matter how obviously at fault they were. I quickly learned that my wife struggled with similar tendencies herself. That, mixed with my obsession with keeping the peace, had the affect of me apologizing incessantly. I finally got to a point where I refused to say sorry for things that weren't my fault. I couldn't handle constantly questioning my intentions and being suspicious of my own ego while giving her and everyone else the benefit of the doubt. To my wife's credit she has come a long way since then and things have gotten better. I still make sure to acknowledge when I'm in the wrong, but I'm a lot more cautious about apologizing now.

[@travisbartholomay]

I see there self doubt all the time. And I go out of my way to encourage

[@evegreenification]

Can relate

[@mmxw2294]

I try to ignore it when it’s from strangers and now when it’s people I know I will say something so that I don’t feel victimized yet they have the nerve to try to flip it Love yourself protect yourself ❤️

[@fourierrocket]

Growing up I would always get people telling me that I should be more like "...fill in the blank....". I would never let people change me and I'm better for it.

[@hopecook63]

This has literally just happened to me with a boss having a bit of a situation where they felt vulnerable and now im feeling guilty even though I only have good intentions to help

[@Aditi1594]

It just sometimes you know from your subconscious mind or soul level that what you are doing is right. No matter what other people think about you.

[@m.e.3614]

This literally just happened to me. @2:05 - "You so often try to give others the benefit of the doubt. You want to help them, you want to encourage them...you want to...support them. You want to be their cheerleader... Our drive to help, our drive to help others get out of an uncomfortable situation...that can be our biggest problem...because people are so afraid that you are going to use something against them that they lash out." A content creator on KZbin who has been bullied in the past by many viewers had someone make a snarky comment that sounded like it was related to the same past bullying. I attempted to rationally point some things out to stand up for this person, while trying to keep things unemotional, fair and reasonable. One of the individuals came back at me with insults as they defended their position, trying to make me feel like I was the problem, and then blocked me. The response was so over-the-top to what was basically just a "let's all be rational about this and give the person the benefit of the doubt" response that the only thing I could think was that some kind of ego reaction was occurring. Your response actually explains it really well. While the situation I was in was a little different than what you are explaining, it still adds up. I am trying to help, point things out rationally and keep everything cool and reasonable, but it does not matter. Somehow that person felt threatened on an ego level by the fact that I was politely calling them out, could not handle it (as can be shown by them insulting and blocking someone who was not even being unkind to them), and so they lashed out and then blocked me. It is so confusing at first when people act this way, and you are left thinking, "wtf? I am just trying to be fair and rational and give someone the benefit of the doubt." But then you realize, most people are just not like that and some people even get very threatened by it. How nutty is that? Thank you for sharing this!

[@nickolaszissimos1189]

I know the first step for us reaching our internal truth is meeting our inner selves. I wonder if it is the same or at least similar about everyone else. Although, some people will never want to do that, those are the ones that their reflections don't look like them at all. That reminds me, I once went into, maybe I'll call it truth seeking mode, right to someone. Told him that when he meets himself he will love it. It really freaked him out the way I was staring at him, I even saw him take a step back. It was an interesting conversation.

[@KMR1776]

No actually testing people is not normal and healthy for adults. It's childish. Withholding and refraining and only working within known parameters is not testing.

[@MegaCyberleader]

Have you seen Ukraine?

[@oceanlover2426]

I know that we are all entitled to our own opinions, and I agree with your perspectives on testing completely. There is a difference between “observing” and “testing”.

[@stevecook413]

Every time I'm "tested" from a person (women) I've never failed said "test" ... Walked away from every "test" haven't failed one yet.

[@joyandrews3804]

Why don’t people believe me. They ask someone else who tells them I was right. At least they usually come back to me and acknowledge I was right. No apology though.

[@RnRtimenow]

Thank You Again Wenzes . I've had an ongoing problem with Helping others Financial and nothing from them in return. So going forward I will not Fall into that Empathy Trap Again.

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

I’ve been there too. Friendship is not a one way street. A one way relationship is a parent/carer situation. Unfortunately, there are a lot of adults out there who are emotional infants, looking for someone to take care of them. “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the *first* time”. ~Maya Angelou Wish I’d figured this out long time ago.

[@dasc0yne]

I was a physician for a maximum security Californa State prison for a few years. There were countless ways the inmates would try to gather personal information or earn some psychological leverage (e.g. through sympathy, trust etc.) over physicians, psychologists and even dentists. These were inmates with life sentences which meant they had nothing to lose and all the time in the world. Some clever ones were quite subtle and were trying to play a long confidence game over the course of years. This was typically for the purposes of securing me hopefully as a source of favors, medical permission slips or even narcotics. Many doctors in the past would eventually, over years, get played or psychologically "burnt-out" to the point of complete indifference and submission/acquiesce. Providers were often offended to learn that their patient is playing "mind-games" on them. Personally, I was only fascinated about how inmates tried to manipulate me. I would grant a sense they were being effective so I could learn how their confidence game worked. Anybody, (even staff) felt like they knew me but nobody really did, but that is another story. And there are so many great stories to tell. There were a couple of cases where an inmate I got to know over a couple of years would "push" boundaries a little and I gently kicked back subtly letting him know I have been on to him the whole time and, instead of being angry, he was amused, impressed and only had greater respect for me than ever. To my credit I have never been played, but I always had the respect of inmates simply because I still treated everyone with dignity and practiced honest, solid medicine for inmate patients that had real medical conditions. In the end I had the confidence of many inmates, but none of them had mine.

[@lindateuling7862]

Wow. This is fascinating to read. I think that "testing" is a part of life, but it can be done well or poorly. It sounds like you've found a way to both test and be tested - and you do it well. You've certainly learned it in challenging circumstances.

[@dasc0yne]

@@lindateuling7862 I only learned about the personality types a couple of months ago. I always just thought of myself as an introspective "student of human nature." In my medical residency (and in my current practice) I had the reputation of being able to manage the most difficult, demanding and manipulative patients and gaining their cooperation and trust. The prison job didn't burn me out, like it did with some docs, but it did start to alter my personality and perceptions so I had to quit.

[@lindateuling7862]

@@dasc0yne I understand where you're coming from. I'm sure that this type of work would have an accumulated effect.

[@robertsmith1153]

I had a friend to tell me that I didn't know what I wanted but I told her I know what I don't want LOL😘⚘😘

[@yuugaouzuki18]

This is what I am going through right now. Thank you, Wenzes. This makes me feel so much better.

[@robertsmith1153]

There's a thin line between love 💘and hate

[@-jamie-9896]

The irony of the timing of this video in relation to my life, goodness. These are lessons I need to learn and grow from. Thank you for the video.

[@KatharinaHB]

Wow so true! Happened to me so many times. About the testing and also about the avoidance of others.

[@theresefournier3269]

When you think about it, we really are not unlike bamboo trees! No one sees it for years as it grows deeper than any other and when it finally shows itself, wow, does it ever grow! ❤️🔥💯

[@MegaCyberleader]

I'm dying for a wing man or battle babe on my side.

[@kan0762]

The only people that will test you are the ones with ego issues.. humble people will just let it go the others will just run around the bush with their heads lit on fire

[@tigre7739]

Oh yeah I have been on both ends of this for sure! I've been blindsided sometimes by others testing, which I mostly detest, even if it's probably a normal reaction from them based, on their perception , and even if I can rationalize why they may have perceived that in the first place, I more often than not, regard it as offensive, and in turn, usually internally, get some degree of defensefulness. this is probably for many reasons, maybe some common, but ultimately, I think I feel that way because, as INFJs our intuition gives us such an advantage really, and I believe with a certain degree of accuracy, it's easy to overlook the fact that the other person doesn't have that advantage or way of processing. I think it probably just depends on the other person or the nature of the situation, I do know that if my true convictions are tested anyway, or I feel that they are being tested, and if in rare instances turns out not to be the case, my normal reaction at first, is usually verbal retaliation, which I do believe blind sides the other party. It is very true that sometimes it does involve the door slam, or different types of action if we feel that it's going to happen.🎯👍

[@johnwilhelm385]

Superbly explained!

[@beautifulbutterfly9834]

In another variable they seek to destroy you forever, it becomes a life goal to hate you for living in your truth, they team up with others because they know you nolonger consciously bow down to narcissist whom misuse you. Use Vs Misuse

[@ghanajaa]

My words yesterday 😅 Thanks for elaborating this more clearly! 😘

[@travisbartholomay]

I think it helps build intuition too

[@TroyPosey]

Excellent video Wenzes! Always giving the best INFJ advice! And not only INFJ advice, but good advice overall for many facets of how to live your best life. 🌹🙂👍🏼

[@tiamonet4231]

Your channel is literally therapy ❤️

[@travisbartholomay]

Oh ya everything in life is a test. I be testing everything creating causes and effects and then watching it's awesome

[@pegsuz_exe]

the best notification you get nowadays😍

[@PeaceofMyM.I.N.D]

yes! I’m at this testing point!!! It’s a gift and a curse

[@alliarsenic]

I can relate as an INFP. Good content.

[@Mivka_]

That’s it! That’s what I’ve been going through with my friends 🤯

[@battysky6458]

If I don't know they tease me, it is good. But I see that tease mile away from me and all techniques they use and what they want from me what reaction they want from me while they are teasing me. It bothers me and annoys me.

[@travisbartholomay]

I just need to get away from the people that intentional for out of there way to irritate me. And control me. And when it's a family member. It upsets me and then it messes with my emotions. Just wait and see. When I am finally can get in a different atmosphere.

[@MegaCyberleader]

Leave for 10 years

[@jconwheels]

I absolutely love your channel, and your video content, great job, keep up the great work, I really really struggle, with, the topic, that you explained, in this video 💯 you're a great advocate, for people, With this personally, INFJ, God Bless you, and I'm going to keep watching your videos, Very educational, thanks again darlin 🙏🏼😌♥️

[@johnnyavilaJourneyman]

Wow...so true!!! healing

[@malmalgosia6702]

Thank you so much! Your work is really making a difference 🙏🏻

[@JadeNichelle]

Absolutely incredible analysis

[@travisbartholomay]

The truth is the fact and if someone doesn't like the truth then change it right

[@jasperstone7413]

Who are you trying to convince? You or me? Because it is not working on me.

[@cherylclough1804]

Sometimes it is confronting mansplaining. The soul (usually male) who decides to posture and prove their understanding and superiority over other beings (especially female).

[@jdawggg6650]

What do you mean? Sounds interesting.

[@tEaleE77]

In my experience mansplaining always provokes more of an issue even when it's obvious and valid point some guys can't accept intelligence from a woman ...

[@gadgetlp]

В едно от твоите видеа спомена, че си живяла в България. Интересна ми е предисторията ти и дали знаеш някоя дума от българският език. :)

[@joshy0369]

Lol we make sure of it

[@bossbabi.e3084]

Love you thank you babe!❤️

[@بالجيريان]

Love ittt

[@hilaklein4087]

Exactly right

[@tEaleE77]

Always says more about the tester than the tested. I almost pity them, they wouldn't have to test if they could know like we just do.

[@travisbartholomay]

Your awesome. Thank you

[@travisbartholomay]

I test everything. If I am not testing data then what's the point

[@playboi.l1317]

Top vid ! Needed That

[@TemperanceLibraRising]

do you mean someone ghosts to see how you would react after just meeting

[@brotherlyelk7296]

So true

[@muxumedismaaciil3904]

Yup

[@altsak840]

As an ENTP brutal honesty is my forte. So this should be easy.

[@Daeva83B]

Well.. the one INFJ i am referring to... she never answered any questions of mine. And in order to get some info.. about where she stands, i tested her. And she failed. ;) ~INFP.

[@oceanlover2426]

Respectfully, if she is truly an INFJ, she most likely picked up that you were testing her relatively early. Many of us tend to be especially perceptive people who do not like being tested. We can often see through it and the tester will not see a looking glass into our minds; he/she will see a mirror to reflect his/her own mind.

[@Daeva83B]

@@oceanlover2426 She left me in the dark, i asked straight up. If i get no answers i will find some other way. If she didn't like to be tested then she should've answered.

[@oceanlover2426]

@@Daeva83B Perhaps she was put into your life to help you learn to know your worth. Be well.

[@Daeva83B]

@@oceanlover2426 Well, she lost me now. I can handle only so much...

[@SKOLAH]

@@Daeva83B Nobody owes anyone answers about themselves. Nobody has to talk. If she cared about losing you, she would have spoken and not lost you.

[@desirreichyan365]

Ok but no one ever tested me 😂

[@shannonhoward2947]

❤

[@travisbartholomay]

Them

[@foreverlearning238]

Who doesn't test: their hot drink before slurping it down, the scalding heat of their bath water before jumping in, the ripeness of fruit before consuming it? Life itself is a test. You will be graded on the sum of your actions. Not your words, which are nothing more than farts on the wind.

[@entropyfun]

Honestly, if Infjs let their guards down a little, people would test you much less. People are naturally curious, don't mean they have bad intentions.

[@evegreenification]

Conversely, other people could stay on their best behavior and get along with the INFJ in a mannerly, positive and encouraging manner. Just because someone doesn't have bad intentions doesn't mean that they're bringing something good to the table.

[@entropyfun]

@@evegreenification Fair enough, but if you want people to treat you differently you have to start with yourself. It's a vibe thing, what you give out is what you receive.

[@brianmoser3947]

Hey Wendy... Please say self whiteoussnness with your accent!!!

[@chosenone2363]

Wtf are you talking about?😒🤷‍♀️

[@PeaceofMyM.I.N.D]

they just vanish lol

[@songilangston6173]

Lol oh my goodness don't test that infj I don't care about that don't test God or this world that's the only thing I'm scared to play with or take for granite no matter what I do no personality can match the wrath of God even though God is gentle and kind 😰😳😞

[@tiamonet4231]

Your channel is literally therapy ❤️