Why Relaxation Techniques Don’t Work For You

[@amodernhuman9781]

The worst panic attacks are the ones where you believe/are convinced that you are about to die. You can't think clearly, survival instinct is kicking in, you might call 911, you believe that your anxiety symptoms are that of a heart attack. And after it's all over you may still feel like you literally almost died. It's terrifying.

[@deborahbasel184]

In this situation, I find it helpful if someone takes me through the steps I need to do. Tell me to inhale, slow and deep. Exhale slowly. Repeat. And it helps focusing on someone else's voice. Doesn't matter if the person is next to me, or on the phone.

[@jasonkris8850]

I get more anxious when trying to meditate. My brain can't simply fathom the fact that meditation can help me and this makes me feel uneasy when meditating

[@Hope4all2]

Me too 😢

[@Brainjoy01]

what helped me was adding some benefit other than therapy. like now i meditate on the idea of me winning the lottery. my safe place isnt a beach -- alone -- with my thoughts and body i hate. its me, in a mansion, winning lottery ticket in a plaque on the wall, with my feet up, fire on, cigar, bills paid, nice car in the drive way. i dont feel worthy of it working, but i want to meditate and manifest a lottery win, or a miracle. meditating on a good idea also works the muscle of choosing where our brains wants to go and what WE want to focus on, not the evil Ants -- automatic negative thoughts. i imagine like an ant with a parasite that cant choose what it wants to do

[@wendycopeland5147]

I wish i lived where you live. The intensive outpatient clinic sounds perfect for me. Here in the UK the NHS is generally broken (through no fault of the amazing staff), mental health services here are appalling, with virtually no practical help available. When i arrived at A&E recently, suicidal, i was given a leaflet, a lorezapam & was told to go for a nice warm bath & calm down. NOT HELPFUL. its a sad state of affairs when i have to turn to KZbin for the help ive been begging for. I am learning so much from you. Thank you for everything you do, because you've been there, you totally get it ❤

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

I share your pain & frustration with the current state of MH services in the UK, through not fault of the staff, but massive underfunding. Like you, I'm now at a point where on-line resources have become more helpful than our actual MH service

[@QurVgn]

@@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13 me too! I’m a Brit living in California

[@middleofnowhere1313]

And in the USA only the privileged can afford help. Most of us have no access. That's why everyone is looking for help on KZbin. It's atrocious.

[@EB-gt1pq]

Trust me, it’s not so great in the US. I tried talking to two therapists, and they made me feel worse! I rely on KZbin and people like you all for help

[@monaebreak561]

Not trying to be rude but at least you got one 🥹 pill that works. So many doctors have zero empathy and will not prescribe them as hip guidelines is all that matters to them. It's like a doctor denying a patient pain killers for a crushed hip, kindly reminding them: "pain won't kill you". 🤖

[@jenniferfullmer4783]

Breath control is sooo important for anxiety..and soo hard for me remember when I'm anxious!

[@pam164]

Yes, I get palpitations and a tight chest when I'm anxious.

[@Lindaheal]

@@jenniferfullmer4783 The easiest and most accessible ones when I'm triggered are remembering to take a (deep) breath, and 4-in + 8-out. Either of these immediately shifts things a bit, together I consistently find enough space to either continue with them because they're easy and work really well, or reach for other techniques in my toolbox.

[@jlaurelc]

It's never worked for me, so I'm looking forward to the second half of this video.

[@barbarasmith2130]

@@jenniferfullmer4783 and people say “take a deep breath” when it’s physically impossible! A few small regular breaths is better.

[@atomic_____]

this video was way more helpful than i thought it would be. and also i don’t care how many times i hear how important breathing is. It’s so important and we need to be reminded because our brains like to focus on the bad rather than relaxing things and i often find myself forgetting the simple things like breathing even though i’ve heard people talk about it a million times. Everybody should have a physical and mental way of dealing with stress and anxiety, noticing that there’s a difference and also that they usually come together is honestly such a game changer and helps us to get back into our right mind and body so much faster. Love you all ❤️

[@I9IIEIIYIIEIIS]

I think we focus heavily on negatives, because our brains were trained (over the eons) to perceive them as a threat. Oftentimes it was life or death.

[@mYcRiSpDiScK]

Not to be too conspiratorial, but the 24/7 news cycle, especially with regard to politics, stimulates our fear response unconsciously. Circles back to boundaries. Not all of our suffering is our own fault because of this.

[@M-i-k-a-e-l]

By design, for sure. Nothing conspiratorial to say truth.

[@GyobuTheDemonOniwa]

The media loves to manipulate people and make them miserable.

[@stevenkeller3047]

This is why I've been on a news fast since the George W days. The news is designed to sell advertising, not to inform or educate. Believe me, anything important will find its way to you. News, like social media, has become an addiction. If you can break away you will feed SOOOO much better. It's not our fault, but it is something we have control over.

[@peggywildsmith6002]

@@mYcRiSpDiScK I stopped ✋️ watch TV 25 years ago. It added to my trauma then and even more so now.

[@annettesonnenberg7606]

It’s a good idea especially if you have mental health issues to avoid the news and mainstream media all together. I ask myself before consuming content, is this feeding my anxiety or feeding my soul.?

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

Hope this is okay to post here? If you're out & about & are experiencing anxiety or panic, the 5,4,3,2,1 Grounding Technique can be really helpful - look around & find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, & 1 thing you can taste (obviously don't start randomly licking things!). Helps to take your focus from inward to outward 💖

[@therookerybookery]

This is a really good technique, and worth a try for most people (unfortunately it doesn't work for me because I already have too much sensory input that my brain can't process because it's already at breaking point, so it's just adding more overwhelm, when I need to reduce the amount I'm focusing on a bad taste in my mouth, hallucinatory smells I don't want etc., i need a blanket throwing over me like a budgie 😅)

[@KaleeinVA]

@@therookerybookery it’s the same for me. Once my brain begins to spiral, it shuts down except for the bit that’s trying to get me out of the situation. All I think of is escaping.

[@matthew-nn3tn]

What if in the future these things remind me of the scary emotions I experienced and cause me anxiety just by looking at them?

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

@@matthew-nn3tn Tends to be most effective when in a moment of anxiety/panic "attack" to take someone out of that state & ground them in the present - as such they don't tend to remember afterwards what the things were they you used at the time to ground them. But if that's a concern it may not be a technique that works well for you?

[@matthew-nn3tn]

@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13 guess so, my mind can change the pictures in front of my eyes, so some scary parts of my past can be ignored or replaced, like not focusing on them, but it's very energy-consuming. and thats what i used to do, but now i prefer training to be in those scary memories and thats helps a lot

[@kotenoklelu3471]

Physiological: 1. Breathing (slower and deeper) 2. Progressive muscle relaxation (where do I feel tension in the body, increase tension in that body part, multiple rounds of 5 seconds per body part) 3. Sensory resources (listening to calming music, aroma therapy, looking at beautiful picture) Psychological: 1. Guided meditation (Happier app, 5 minutes) 2. Buying time (give yourself 5-10 seconds of time to respond to stressor) 3. Psychosocial boundaries (will I do it or not, what is and isn't our problem) Stacking and chaining

[@cindisowder2182]

The thing I remember most when I went into the mental hospital for depression and panic attacks for SA was a nurse telling me I should have been doing a gratitude journal. That I wasn’t “thankful” enough. Why do people want to rush you through dealing with your shit and shame you for having a human reaction. I feel she actually made it worse because it was just another person out of touch with what I was experiencing at that time. It might have been a good step to crawl out. But really silly when you’re in fight or flight.

[@barbarasmith2130]

Anyone quoting this sort of thing, like CBD techniques, is out of touch with what you had. Really sick people do not have the wherewithal to take that stuff on board. They simply don’t have the cognitive resources that are necessary.

[@twistoffate4791]

I automatically have zero use for that nurse.

[@ahilaryb]

Trying to "practice gratitude" usually makes my depression worse - it just leads me to think about how terrible of a person I must be if I have these good things but still feel miserable.

[@cindisowder2182]

@ I can relate to that. The thing that helped me the most was talking in a specific group that dealt with SA. I went weekly to free meetings until they shut it down. I was the one person who went on a consistent basis. I was amazed how much I looked forward to it. I’m usually very introverted. But it taught me I could speak up. I learned to hold space for others even more deeply. Something special happens when you can share with others without having to sensor yourself. We all had time around the table to share. Everyone had a different experience they shared that came out over time. But it was all taken into consideration and we all felt heard. I believe that’s why we love these videos so much. He hits on the words we’d want to say if someone was truly listening. Gratitude has its time & place, but if you layer it over the ick that’s buried from trauma it doesn’t do anything to heal the pain. And the counceling I’ve gotten for years has me go over things without tools to move forward or feeling heard. She has had me waiting years to get EMDR saying she didn’t feel I was ready for it. Meanwhile it’s for C-PTSD which is what I have. I’ve felt scammed.

[@barbarasmith2130]

@@ahilarybI have been saying this for years!

[@QurVgn]

You’re So brilliant for those of us who have more than ‘garden variety’ anxiety and depression! Thank you!!!

[@ranjittyagi9354]

Yes. Although I did take 2 mg of Clonazepam/Klonopin just before clicking on the video. Was feeling butterflies where the belly and chest meet...

[@QurVgn]

@@ranjittyagi9354 I’ve been on 2mg of Klonopin for 30 years!

[@Dorito_Djinn]

I'm trying to get into therapy but they either don't call back or are full. Glad to have these videos. Every day lately I feel more and more worn down and I'm almost at the end of my rope.

[@EB-gt1pq]

Same!

[@susanp6857]

So many things landed for me! Thank you for sharing and making us feel less lonely with our "situations"!

[@umniya3076]

> breathing > tense and release > sound/smell/sensory > guided meditiation > taking 5-10 sec to respond to stressful situation > boundaries

[@BBAN81]

Your videos are keeping me going. Horrible anxiety upticked out of nowhere a few months ago. I had no idea how these invisible issues can be so debilitating. I can’t calm down 😞

[@anabelleharvey9342]

I'm SO glad I found this channel. That's because I strongly identify with the host, we seem to live with the same problems and kind of view them in the same way. And that is KEY. Won't work for everyone, didn't for me with other channels. So if the content doesn't resonate with you, keep looking! 😊

[@Vixnsix]

Scott...i share your vids all the time. i love you and swear i would not have made it through the last year without you. i lost my baby brother end of september to a motorcycle accident....he was 42. rewatching your vids keeps me grounded from chaos. keep going. we need you💛🖖👩‍🚀

[@tansysilva8594]

I’ve been following your work for awhile and am very impressed. The way you calmly inform and educate is phenomenal. This episode in particular was super helpful.

[@Blah-Blah-Blah143]

Thank you for articulating how it dysregulates your whole body. Trying to get people to understand that for me is the biggest issue, especially when I'm extremely dysregulated. I often find it is those well-meaning souls around us that need 'us' to get better faster than we're able to because they can't handle watching us go through it, so they need a quick fix for us, when really I think they need to just allow those of us with anxiety and dysregulation time to heal and re-group in whatever way works best for us.

[@integralstanley]

Calming 1. Breathing 2. Muscle relaxing. 3. Sensory 4. Meditation 5. Buying time. 6. Boundaries Stack and chain.

[@Lindaheal]

Wow, you really knocked it out of the park with this video. Your ability to take information and resources I have learned, and refine how I use them has consistently amplifies their effectiveness. It's something you really excell at, and I am deeply grateful for your insight, wisdom and guidance. The somatic component of my toolkit has been a gamechanger for me, but so has stacking and chaining, which I usually only manage if I have used some somatic tools first. Thanks for helping me put language to the stacking and chaining. Being able to articulate them both to myself and to others helps me anchor and access them more easily.

[@barbarasmith2130]

I gotta learn this stuff. Have room in my toolbox ha ha.

[@Wingedmagician]

Relaxation exercises work while Im doing them. Then anxiety comes right back 😩

[@QurVgn]

@@Wingedmagician That’s why he’s talking about stacking ‘tools’ or ‘techniques’. If you didn’t watch to the end, I hope you do. 💕

[@lamis1974]

A great video Dr. Scott !!

[@stevenkeller3047]

MAN! Thank you for this. I've been looking for help for the last two days. The election has put me in a doom loop like nothing else. I've actually been struggling for a long time with the fear of this outcome. But I'm determined not to let this define or injure me. I will grow stronger and more resilient. I look forward to trying your techniques. They seem to hold promise for me in these new and very uncertain times. Thank you.

[@Dragonflylane77]

Trump was prez b4. Nothing new about it. You're working yourself up for no reason. Maybe you should look at that.

[@HealthyPersuit-sj3fr]

Thanks for saying the things about clear your mind. You are right about the PTSD flashbacks.

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

Thank you Dr Scott - your discussion of stacking techniques was really helpful. Always grateful to have found this channel - you have a really natural way of presenting & explaining

[@Plethorality]

Cant wake it up in the morning Cant settle it down at night. My 59 year old brain is worse than when i was a teenager. .

[@TravelinRosy2025]

Mornings r worse 4me

[@JSFGuy]

I did a 3-day fast last year and some mental clarity was expected and achieved. Also improved eyesight among others aches and pains. You should try it.

[@TheManLab7]

Might be insomnia which I've had in the past and it's like being tortured. We'll, that's what it was like for me anyway.

[@sammythehamster9093]

Takes me ages get to sleep, when I do only for few hours and struggle to get back to sleep. Particularly, bad when I have to wake up earlier, know people will arrive early. Trying to get to sleep when there's noise is almost impossible. I might do 24hrs gaming binge.

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

Same - my brain just doesn't stop, even when I'm exhausted & have journalled etc, it's just background bleurgh!

[@annettesonnenberg7606]

Jason Stephenson has dozens of wonderful self hypnosis tracks for anxiety. He follows them with very relaxing music so you can just drift off to sleep if you’d like.

[@kimhandley4416]

He literally saved me fir the last 7 odd years. My body just melts off all the tensión when I do his Chakra Guided Meditations. ❤

[@Turtlpwr]

For some reason, breathwork and tensing up my muscles always just ends up making me more anxious and feel like my heart is racing

[@QurVgn]

@@Turtlpwr Maybe you’re the type of person who needs to sprint around the block to get some of that energy out. We all need to figure out what works for us, but in DBT, one of the ‘skills’ is to do that when we’re anxious.

[@annemurphy8074]

I dissociate really easily, I have a really hard time being embodied, so these strategies are a huge fail for me. I have lived my entire life severely dissociated and I can only handle being aware of my hand or foot before it's too much. If I try to focus on my breath or anything that makes me more aware of my body, it freaks me out even more. I have to take really tiny steps. I'll focus on things in the external world like what sounds can I hear or. Sometimes I just rub a furry blanket I have or look at a plant, run my wrists under cold water, put a cold pack on the back of my neck, sometimes I smell a peppermint or citrus essential oil and that helps.

[@lazydaisybookart474]

Same here

[@octaviakuransky8569]

Feeling 😮! Alert! This post has nothing to do with Scott's message today but I HAVE to talk about this. I have no friends at this point because too many were users and manipulators and I had to let them go. I'm a people pleaser and I can't afford it any more. Since watching Scott I have become aware of just how much I rely on appeasing people. I. Am. So. Angry. About. This. Angry with myself. I want to throw shade on them so bad. But I know it's me. It's me. I am going to have to pull on every blessed thing I have ever heard from Scott about releasing anger before going outside. If you've experienced this please know you are not alone.

[@Hope4all2]

We are here for you!

[@dryciderz]

Hit the gym and crush it 💪 Modern society is horrendous We do what we can

[@candicebowden4123]

I found out recently that hitting the gym too often raises your cortisol level. I can't go myself now, but it may apply to a close relative who is unaware.

[@dryciderz]

@candicebowden4123 sorry you can't go

[@ranjittyagi9354]

The fact that we have a strong aversion to modern society only aggravates our issues. Hitting the gym or other physical activities must surely help. Get those endorphins running 🏃‍♂️ and the associated feel-good factor. It reduces the clash between the world outside and the one inside (🧠). I wish you best. Keep chipping in, it helps. 😊

[@dryciderz]

@ranjittyagi9354 thanks! 🔥

[@MoonstarGem1]

11:40-12:00. You just described my entire relationship with "traditional" meditation. I couldn't help but laugh, because I do ALL of that. Thanks CPTSD, lifelong depression/anxiety, and ADHD!

[@Izbit2110]

Omg I so grateful to have found this I'm able to get a few hours of sleep lately and my neck pain is truly horrible know one gets it. I love him but my husband says just stop relax just stop and that is maddening at 3 am

[@daniellejones6339]

I have had panic attacks since I was fifteen... Forty one years. None of these techniques work On their own, I never considered doing them all together...stacking them,chaining... I will try that.I just can never think straight when i'm having a panic attack.😢

[@therookerybookery]

I mostly feel tension, fear, anger, anxiety, shame, disgust, resentment, guilt, dread, etc. In my stomach, I feel sick and tense most of the time and end up vomitting a lot due to nerves, etc., to the point that I cant handle the sickness so much i used to self harm to try to cut it out of me, and have had a lot of s. i. which i know sounds stupid and isn't logical but the feeling gets so unbearable for me and gets worse and deeper, so like Scott said, it makes my brain think it's a life or death situation and panic with despair...the extra problem is that if I try to progressive muscle relaxation, on the main area I feel tension, which is my stomach, i throw up, if i try to use exercise to release tension, i throw up.. I often seem to be holding my breath or breathing very shallow, so i try deep breathing/breathing exercises, but that also makes me throw up and or faint ... any ideas what might help? I've had tests about any physical or nutritional causes and they have all said that it's purely psychological. Also going outside/nature is a massive trigger for me due to lifelong agoraphobia, oversensitivity to stimuli, disgusted and scared by almost everything, (also prayer doesn't help as atheist, i tried to believe for decades but couldn't so please don't suggest god/jesus/spirit as I already have enough pressure about that from people around me that it just upsets me).

[@matthew-nn3tn]

Experienced something similar, not exactly compared to you, but still. Over time I learned to concentrate on my stomach and (I don't know how to describe it) to make it relax with my brain by taking small breaths not big enough to get a lot of oxygen but enough not to suffocate. And this is all accompanied by a complete shutdown of any physical activity, I just lay there. Very complicated and complex topic so I can fit it into one comment, but try to understand the biological nature of your emotions the way it happens on a hormonal level. Yes you can't control it, but understanding and rationalization does the trick. And probably the biggest problem is that it's all individual and it's up to you to find ways to deal with it. If you have any specific questions, feel free to write

[@johannakeller7209]

One Idea that comes to mind is trying the muscle relaxation on other bodyparts, not the stomach. Oftentimes when I feel the stress in my body there is one area that is tensed the most, but the other parts of the body are not relaxed either. Maybe try relaxing your facial muscles first or try the fist thing he described? Maybe then your stomach will follow. For me it also helps to embrace myself and rock a little bit or to softly stroke my arms. These are just some ideas, maybe it helps. also, be kind to yourself and give yourself time to properly work through the emotions later, for example by grieving, crying or raging, but not at yourself your body or your emotions. It is not your fault. Dealing with emotional regulation is a difficult process that we did Not learn from our parents. Maybe try content about cptsd, like Tim Fletcher, he has good tips on bottom up and top down regulation, or Pete Walker. I dont know about your situation but it all sounds very traumatic to me at least recently. Another idea might be a somatic therapist or someone who specialises in Emdr, If you are able to place your trust in people like this. Hope this helps and that you get better!

[@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13]

@therookerybookery That sounds so awful, I'm sorry you're going through that. I don't have any magical answers to offer you, just concern, & tentatively wondering if you've tried different guided meditations? Maybe not focussed so much on physical sensations? I say this as a fellow Atheist who took MANY months of convincing to give it a try a few years ago to help with sleep - I just didn't think it would be my thing, years on it's been incredibly helpful, especially for managing my physical health as a form of active rest. There are many different types, some that are more like adult stories (more guided visualisations), & available for free - a kind of try different types & see if anything fits? I don't know anything about the App Dr Scott recommends, I found & settled on Insight Timer a while ago, some of the creators I listen to on there also have KZbin Channels - I'm happy to recommend a couple if you want? Either way, I hope you find something that works for you 💖

[@Turtlpwr]

I wholeheartedly empathize and I’m sorry you deal with this too

[@lishmahlishmah]

Check this very easy exercise. (My reply with the direct link disappeared, so you have to find it on youtube). Jonathan Lawrence Polyvagal Theory, Basic Exercise. The exercise takes 2 or 3 minutes. It's 100% physical, not thinking or focusing your mind. Just do it and then have a little walk in the room you are in. I find it very relaxing. Hope it helps

[@bjornakerblom6458]

Very well presented! I really like the metaphors, especially about putting out the fire. I have often encountered different techniques, but the person teaching the technique is too focused on just that particular technique, as if you only would need one. Stacking techniques and building chains, very cleverly explained! Good emphasis that both physiology and psychology, need to be used in combination, starting with breathing, then thinking.

[@hemanhunters6783]

You should have done a double biceps-pose dude! I love breathwork. Thanks for existing, you're so real!

[@becomebrightwithin]

This was so useful, my problem is when I get worked up I see red, sometimes stressed, or mad, but usually it’s I just can’t stop my head long enough to remember to do these things. Like I can’t even remember to stop smell my lovely essential oils, or meditate or any of it. Advice?

[@meech9309]

Problem with tensing and releasing tension in muscles: i hold most of my tension in my jaw. I've actually tensed so hard in my sleep that I broke a few teeth without even realizing it until the morning.

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, Clenching, Grinding Teeth and TMJ - temporal mandibular joint dysfunction. Very, very painful.

[@jasonkean7280]

I'm the same way with my jaw, i've found if i open my mouth and instead of clenching down I sort of just thrust my jaw foward and hold it as hard as i can. For me at least i think it has a similar result, hopefully does something for you. Cracking teeth from stress is the worst.

[@susanmercurio1060]

These don't work for me. I tense up and then I can't release all of it. I end up more tense than I began.

[@kengineer12]

What I do is everyday I massage my back, shoulders, neck, and cheek/jaw in a circular motion. I’ve been doing this for around a month and it has really helped, at least for me :)

[@peggymerritt9019]

Me too! Terrible thing to endure.

[@joanaiverson9276]

Thank you. Your videos are always helpful! Things my therapists don't cover.

[@susanmercurio1060]

I listen to Jason Stephenson's guided meditations for sleep every night on KZbin and they work for me. They are relaxation talks.

[@andrewsnow1933]

I also like Lauren ostrowski Fenton videos. But Jason is great, too

[@aribella6913]

This is such a GREAT channel , I’m learning so much. I love how you break things down to understand “ why”, easier. Thank you Doc.

[@olyasorokina3780]

Thank you for explaining progressive relaxation. I love it. I find mantra chanting in a group or on your own an excellent way to meditate. It gives a busy mind something to focus on, it’s not too difficult therefore it’s sustainable (which is my favorite part) *and* it involves practicing a regular breathing pattern because you’re singing the same couple of lines over and over again so it soothes the autonomic nervous system.

[@tasapainoo-UPAK]

If meditation is hard for you I would recommend trying a mantra. I have adhd and cptsd and my mind wanders a lot, but I can always come back to the mantra when I notice this happening. I use simple word like “release” or the OM chanting, witch is a bit more advanced technique but it keeps my mind interested as I can always hone the technique and get better

[@NorthernAmy]

Great advice as always, but as someone who is fragrance-sensitive, the point about fragrances made me cringe. I work a job where I meet with people all day in 1-on-1 appointments, and I've had multiple migraines triggered by people who wear fragrances. More commonly, I get a very bad headache that lasts for hours after someone wearing fragrance has been in my office. If wearing fragrance is important to you, please wear only a little!

[@juliemarkham4332]

What an awesome pairing: inhalation/exhalation and muscle contraction/relaxation to relieve tension and anxiety. Thanks for sharing!

[@cheifasmith]

Great video I lovre doing yoga nidra .. a basic body scan and breathing .. very sweetv.. in medtation the mind loves to wonder its a habit ... no pressure on yourself

[@rain7bow437]

Honestly I have grown sick and tired of therapists telling me to just go for a walk and it'll all be fine. It doesn't work in and of itself!

[@geekygal1073]

Dr Scott U r the only person I follow regularly Thank u for all that u do Irl my therapist couldn’t help me much… but I’m so grateful I’m doing so much better now and I don’t wanna die anymore I find life worth living again… u r a big part of my recovery journey ❤

[@pablogiraudi2718]

Great explanation and advices, many thanks

[@elin_]

Can you do a video about empathy fatigue? It makes me feel cold and heartless

[@jessicanadelen5448]

All good words and I love listening to u, I'm really trying to learn how to honestly to all the things again 💔 I lost my youngest daughter 3 years ago, this past Monday was the 3 year mark and honestly I'm just numb. I really try dealing with my anxiety and depression and literally everything but some say I'm stuck 😢. Don't really agree with that but I just don't know how to live 💔. I do see a therapist once a week but it seems anything I do I'm just literally waiting for the next bad thing to happen 🥺. I don't know how to control my thoughts or just do simple things. I feel I can't be alone in feeling this way. Life is just hard and honestly just making it till the next day is exhausting 😢. Sorry for the overshare and I'm sure most won't even see this but just thank you ❤ you matter ❤️

[@hannahmuller6694]

I see you

[@jessicanadelen5448]

@hannahmuller6694 🫂

[@jenniferfullmer4783]

@jessicanadelen5448 my younger sister died when she was 9 (1985, a long time ago). So I haven't gone through what you are going through, but I do know first hand what it does to the survivors. It feels impossible to get through, I know!!! Please let your other children see you grieve, grieve together, tell them and yrself it's hard not to live in dread--you will learn to live well despite it, though. Because that's what's best and fair to you survivors. I still dread my kids' dying and they're grown, and Robyn died almost 40 years ago. But I act like a normal mom would (as best I can) because that's what my kids need. It pays off in the long run--They're thriving. And seeing them thrive by itself helps me manage the dread a bit. I was so relieved when they made it to 10 :( It's in the back of my mind a lot, but I can't let it drive me. The family should try not to blame e/other or say one person is grieving more than another and gets special status. Enough about me, but here's what I learned in the decades since Robyn's death: If yr other children are still at home, make a special effort to act interested in their thoughts, feelings, activities and write it down if you have a hard time remembering. Keeping grief quiet and/or being so wrapped up in it that the other kids lose their connection to their parents can have terrible effects.

[@jessicanadelen5448]

@jenniferfullmer4783 thank you for your kind words 🫂 my youngest was 26 and now my oldest is 31 this year, it was the day before her birthday 🥺. I do definitely try my hardest for her and her children, my grandchildren 💜. I lost my mom when I was 10 and now my dad has stage 4 bone cancer because of agent orange. It's always truly something 🥺. He's now in a home but lived with my daughter for the past 2 years but it became to much for us to handle and of course the quilt of him being in a home and with my social anxiety I can't seem to go visit him 😭. I talk to him daily but his memory isn't very good. Honestly it all just sucks 💔. But I get up everyday, I may not be able to do much everyday but I do try 🙏 I just miss my babygirl so so bad 💔💔💔

[@ranjittyagi9354]

​@@jessicanadelen5448 I came across you. I am sorry for your loss. It seems that prolonged bereavement exists in our cases, you grieve for her and I do for my parents. 3 years for you and 5.5 for me. I met a notary a couple of years back who had lost her mom. Since my bereavement and grief was over the top, I was naturally inclined to ask her how long it took for her to get out of depression. I vividly remember my bewilderment when she quickly answered, "5 years". Little did I know what's in store for me. Keep writing, it's like a virtual community of humans❤. Some will reach our words and some of them will care enough to communicate. I send you my best wishes. Festival of the lights (Diwali) is on in India. Would you accept one humble clay lamp🪔?

[@belovedhymns7548]

Very good - i will seek to use this information immediately. Thanks so much 😊

[@NK-The_One]

I find exercise and social interaction very helpful as direct intervention besides their long term effects.

[@MurkyMaster]

I was really paying attention to your discussion of stacking til you dropped that sick beat! Good rec Scott!

[@aneldarischmuller8531]

Thank you, this really helps

[@attheranch873]

Stacking and chaining the techniques👍

[@JN24185]

Fantastic video. Very helpful!

[@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv]

Thank you Dr Scott for another great video.

[@scifi7563]

Harder managing somatic ocd, I almost blacked out because I was hyperventilating and then held my breath in class…

[@Minarrow]

Dr Scott, you realy care. Thank you

[@Letsgetit138]

6:02 who else rewinded this part so many times? It helped

[@seeqserenity]

What if your body is in full on CDR? Music is horrendous for me. As is engaging with people, and/or engaging conversation of any kind,leaves me phyis9ligically on edge and impacts sleep negatively in big ways

[@ranjittyagi9354]

I wish I were in the US now with the required funds. Anxiety has ruined a lot of my life, depression started 5 years back wfter mom passed away and left me with anhedonia with occasional passive SI. Thank you, Dr.

[@EB-gt1pq]

Please don’t wish to be in the US. Many of us wish to be in Europe, where life is more calm and relaxing and they don’t work you like a dog.

[@candaceriffel8974]

Great video! So many helpful suggestions!! I can’t meditate either. So thank you so much for another really helpful video!! 😊

[@sandrapontius3500]

Amazing! Thank you!

[@christinegoulet1473]

I was able to control my anxiety and depression with exercise. After a while l had no choice but to go on medication. However I don't feel anything mentally. Not sure what is better, not having panic attacks or being emotionally numb.

[@seeqserenity]

My body so easily goes into the adrenal overload space, at tiniest bits, in evening

[@ranjittyagi9354]

What helps in such a scenario? How do you feel the whole day? I am here to listen, ask and answer questions if you feel comfortable. And, no, I don't live in the US. Peace 🕊

[@Hope4all2]

@@ranjittyagi9354It feels like we are a nation in adrenal overload. Cheers!

[@dontgive1115]

I've been under antipsychotics and benzos since I was 14, never went back or could sleep witout them again, never had a panic attack but yes constant anxiety or what my psych called floating anxiety, I started with insomnia at 7, I'm 24 and diagnosed as bipolar, it's been really hard adding constant anxiety to it too, I have to take Xanax three times a day but it's never enough

[@Ninaoutoftheblue]

Thanks for this video - I found it to be on point for me and had great suggestions - love the aromatherapy tip - going to try to stack or chain - one thing that works for me is petting my dog & burying my nose in his fur😊

[@sheri6089]

Deep breathing also alkalizes the ph of your blood, allowing for relaxation.

[@clara3322]

Great advice!

[@pam164]

I had the weekend off last week, the first time in ages, I did something wrong at work and was frantic all weekend, and what happened, I went in Monday, and nothing was said. All that worry for nothing and ruined my time off.

[@NoxCattus]

Excited for the video....even if I was 11 hours too late for the app promo cause I was at work 😅

[@aosidh]

I conditioned myself to associate deep breathing with panic attacks, am I doing it right? 🙃

[@Myrr123-uk8nq]

For me, it got so bad that even when I was doing breathwork, it wouldn’t work. The only thing that helped was letting the panic attack come and exposing myself to it repeatedly, many times a month, until my brain became more resilient. Eventually, my body would just think, "This is just a panic attack. It’s not scary." Even though I knew there was nothing to fear (the observant part of me), the other part of myself didn’t listen to logic. This happened so often that I became more religious and more open to God and other things. When you’re that low for that long, what you accept as "acceptable" expands just to have something to hold onto or go to. I also felt like I was forming a "third me" that was detached from the observant self. People who tell you to "just breathe" or "think logically" about it don’t realize how silly it sounds to someone in that position. There's a part that won't be easily budged by your "thinking self". It really feels like the only way is "through it." You have to be the steadfast captain that navigates through the storm. It forced me to not run away from it anymore. I faced something I couldn't run away from. Myself.

[@EkayYT]

I love Vindu's music!

[@michaelgarrow3239]

I was raped by a close partner. I can’t regulate. This was years ago. I have lost everything. I don’t have any hope anymore. I’m old now and can’t rebuild again. I don’t want to live anymore. FTW I can control my heart rate and blood pressure- to a small extent by concentrating. And my breath of course. At least I used to.

[@margaret3239]

Have to laugh when you mention people with anxiety don’t just worry about themselves. It’s global because that’s exactly what I do. It’s very tiring worrying about everything and everybody, but I do work on not doing that.

[@kathleendillon1572]

I have a difficult time with breathwork-when I think of breathing, it makes me unable to breathe correctly

[@seeqserenity]

I have trouble doing the muscle focused tightening, to relax, in my shoulder bad neck area. Any specific direction on how to tense without oversensitive too broadly ?

[@QurVgn]

@@seeqserenity Press your forefinger and your thumb together as hard as you can for 5 full seconds. Focus on where they meet. Very slowly release the pressure, and take an inhale and a long exhale out that ends when the pressure ends. You may need to do it a few times.

[@sammythehamster9093]

I have been listening to lofi to drown excess background noise it helps me relax. 10+ minutes guided meditation helps for me the main focus is on the breathing. I use Inward and shorts with WYSA app. Otherwise I return to playing video games for 2hrs+. Those so called cosy games are not cosy as all because time moves fast, limited stamina and penalty if characters doesn't sleep.

[@adolfosabino]

Dude can say will do less commercial stuff and ask for sponsorship couple of videos latter, huh... Anyway, the calming techniques are pretty good, and also stacking. Thanks for that

[@hrdcpy]

Thanks! My favorite scent is vetiver. 🖖

[@DrScottEilers]

Love vetiver!

[@mejulesyap]

Parfums De Marley Herod? You have good taste in fragrance :) I have Layton, Herod and Akaster

[@Praetoriaan]

A very specific question. I have ptsd. I'm pretty much calm during the day and evening. But I suffer from interrupted sleep. Around 3/4 Am my system just goes into full alert mode. And I can't sleep anymore. Even with a heart rate of 55. Are there tools to bring me back to sleep? It's basically a "feeling safe" issue. I can stand next to loud traffic and be calm. But I feel completely unsafe at night. No racing thoughts, just being on alert for no reason.

[@joehart3826]

Top video

[@HenriThibodeau]

Several ads interrupted this video , doesn’t happen that much usually in your videos

[@christineb.1043]

Calm With Kyle has some good vagus nerve exercises and other things that help with anxiety and trauma responses.

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, I VOTED, I DONATED, I CONTACTED FRIENDS AND FAMILY SND PROVIDED GOOD FACTUAL INFORMATION. AND, I PRAY 💙

[@bladerunner8832]

Blade Runner script? My fav movie. Just thought I'd mention it.

[@amymyers5503]

What should you do if your body's default factory setting is permanent tension? I use DBT and thought stopping. I do breath work and muscle relaxation. But then the tension returns immediately. How frequently should you do these exercises? I think I could do them all day every day and still feel stress in my body. (However - Good news with medication changes now I can fall asleep without ruminating for 2 to 4 hours every night since forever. It's weird but good.) Thanks.

[@johannakeller7209]

I am so sorry that you go through this... It sounds a lot like armoring, a Common Trauma defense Symptom where we are always on guard because we always feel unsafe and expect to have to flee or fight or freeze anytime. Maybe there is some hypersensitivity too. Most sources I found say the best thing to counteract seems to be doing Yoga consistently over a long period of time... However, as I am not an expert, i would recommend to do some more research! Also some magnesium could maybe help. Fingers are crossed!

[@amymyers5503]

@@johannakeller7209 Thank you for your concern and helpful words. I'm 50. Got used to it. Need to unclench everything. Most people's baseline on a scale of 1 to 10 is about a 5, but mine is cranked up to 11 all the time. (This goes to 11. It's one louder.) Best wishes on your path of healing.

[@r-type4945]

How about physical exercise and occasional fasting? Have you tried those? Also, stimulants like coffee can be quite a trigger too

[@amymyers5503]

@r-type4945 thank you. Doing physical execerises don't provide lasting relief. Avoiding caffeine makes no difference in physical tension. I was asking specifically about the skills Dr. Eilers listed in the video. Best wishes to you.

[@CoffeeTheater]

Nice Programs.... Hope you guys also watch Sadhguru Talk Show

[@danieloleary1067]

Body scans...start at your feet and work upwards...toes to heel, ankle, calf, thighs etc. Another ( fragrance) is a diversion strategy. Meditation usually requires concentrating on your breathing. Take a beat, don't respond to the animal (limbic) part of our brain. The last minute of Dr. Eiler's video really struck home...I worry, stress and am incredibly anxious about things that may and don't usually happen..catastrophizing every facet of the bleak future...that never happens!

[@gail3006]

i AM STruggling to see your help links please

[@nelepopelier9480]

When i have a stress reaction,my whole body hurts.Its starts with pain,between my shoulderrs,then i instantly get a headache.Then i feel pressure on my chest,my heart starts racing.My muscles are hurting.The only.thing that helps is a seditive.

[@Meccarox]

preciate u

[@ABC-jq7ve]

It took close to a decade, but I have managed to slow down my breathing. I take maybe 6 to 7 breaths a minute.

[@nicolarenshaw6460]

One of my favourite breathing exercise methods (when I remember it) is ~ Smell some flowers and gently blow some candles ~ I like the imagery and I find the long slow deep breaths help me to relax enough that I can start to remind myself that I Am Ok ❤

[@arch1q892]

Just found your channel damn you so entertaining and good info thank you for your work

[@Hikehags]

This is great information. One other thing that is driving my brain crazy is Blade Runner behind you lol Is that a script???? Excellent movie.

[@QurVgn]

@@Hikehags He talked about it in a recent video. I think he said that the watching the main character was the first time he realized he wasn’t the only person who felt and thought the way he does.💕

[@Hikehags]

Aaah thanks!​@QurVgn