When Your Life Feels Like It's Going Nowhere

[@1Gr8Editrix]

The problem isn't just leaving the comfort zone. It's overcoming a sense of incompetence. I feel like I lack the intelligence or sophistication needed to advance.

[@novalunatica]

This. Absolutely.

[@PlumGod]

Oh, I know I do.

[@curiouslyme524]

Same. Also, fear of failure. Which is what you're sort of saying.

[@PhsychoSomatic]

This comment kinda proves you dont lack intelligence. Its often intelligent ppl that realize how much of it they lack

[@dlrowadkcuf]

​@@PhsychoSomatic 🏆

[@tktk436-m3j]

My body want to isolate and do nothing yet my brain screams at me to do something and be productive. Everyday is just a battle. So sick and tired of screaming at myself and crying. Argh!!!

[@jjmack6563]

Same here...

[@ladyverse4578]

Same here

[@tracyschilling7771]

I've dug myself a whole that I'm afraid I can't get out if😢

[@barbaragreene5137]

Yes I understand what your saying. Most of the time I feel I can't go on. Only for my pets I don't know where I'd be. My brain screams often at me. I said it to my Doctor, my brain screams for peace.

[@razorsmum]

​@@barbaragreene5137amen, if I didn't have dogs to live for, I'd have no reason at all. So I understand.

[@jamesroof6150]

The worst feeling is the feeling that things and life will just get alot worse.

[@nancysmith8626]

Yes. I never say it can't get any worse - because it can and does.

[@michaelkennedy5126]

that is a very lonely feeling. I hope you can get past it if that is your reality at this time.

[@ParticleLarry]

Or anything that sounds or looks better doesn't seem worth it

[@alistairmcclure1930]

@@nancysmith8626Yep, there’s always another layer a body can crash through. Thus the expression ‘what fresh Hell is this?’. Things can get better of course but I’m never testing the ‘things can’t get worse’ idea. No way.

[@kareno7071]

Yes it's a paralyzing feeling of fear. I hate it and it holds me back from changes or risks I need to take to possibly be happy finally

[@iannorton2253]

I've drifted my whole life, never knowing who I want to be or where I want to go - no direction or purpose, no goals. I feel like I'm a nobody who's gone nowhere. I've made major life changes that went wrong, decisions that didn't work out. Now I'm stuck and am afraid to make any changes and feel incapable of making decisions in case they go wrong again. I've lost motivation.

[@Nipponson86]

Same here. I started my career in IT because I thought with money it would be easier for me to come up with something. The upshot is that after 15 years, I'm literally throwing up on the industry and can't look at the commuters anymore and still have no idea what to do next. The problem is that I feel like I'm in prison, because I have no other option.

[@BagaholicBagAddictAcademy]

I felt the same! As a multipassionate person, I felt like I could become anything. Worked in IT, had a great career, left for my own business. Then because of the war I moved to another country. My business is dead and I can't get any job. I didn't even make it to any single job interview. I've been living like this in a freeze response for 2.5 years and soon I'll just run out of my savings

[@TLA123y6f]

@@BagaholicBagAddictAcademy That has got to be a very scary feeling. Fear is one of my primary emotions and I don't know how to not be afraid. I truly hope something turns up for you soon. That cliche ' the darkest hour is just before dawn' has actually applied in my life on more than one occassion. I think it will for you too. We care about you.

[@Kronos_541]

If ur really young u can still change something, but if u are in ur 40s/50s it might be too late. Hope things get better for ya 🙏

[@GothlindReiss]

@@Kronos_541 I'm 69 yrs old, and despite my 45 yrs of mental illness, I believe that it's NEVER TOO LATE to CHANGE YOUR LIFE AROUND!!! ..... Patience, Love and Understanding are important keys in creating positive changes in your life.

[@Thagy1973]

I'm tired of dogpaddling through life. I can't seem to get ahead no matter how hard I try.

[@francefradetjardineslacora8114]

What does "getting ahead" mean though? More money and status? Or being more loving and kind? I read an amazing comment saying that trauma makes you lose faith in life, and recovery from trauma is often signalled by going back to a childhood religion, actual literal faith in God.

[@Thagy1973]

@@francefradetjardineslacora8114 I'm just tired of working overtime every single week just to keep a roof over my head. I am literally on the verge of homelessness

[@learnbyheart7]

I would think like me, just trying to keep up with all the problems that come up everyday. Everything is breaking, everyone is greedy and wants to rip you off...no ethics, no good conscience, from dentists, doctors to repair people to very bad products. Just day to day business is more difficult than it needs to be. They all have a gimmick and nothing gets truly fixed. I think I get what she is referring to. So sorry.

[@ssing7113]

I’ve been in some big crazy swells and situations. Once I stopped fighting. Just floated on my back and simply and gently and lazily paddled myself out of the danger. I found out the only one struggling was me. The ocean didn’t care nor was it trying to kill me. It was just being

[@aCarolinaGal]

Getting ahead might mean: Getting well or dealing with a disability, having a roof over your head, having a vehicle to get around + actually having $$ to put gas in it, having enough food to eat, not being oggled or groped by a pedo relative that you're unable to get away from ... Some people have real problems in life (and little to no help or support in any capacity) that being kind simply won't solve.

[@brendafuller907]

Because of my issues I am pretty much stuck. Every day is the same. Every day I wake up with the thought, oh no. Another day of being me. I live alone. Finances, I don't have money. I don't have a vehicle. Health is changing & not for the good. Grown children I seldom see, one by their choice, the other two have their own issues & crises right now. Grown grandchildren, busy with their lives. I don't hear from them either. No friends to really socialize with. Things I wanted to do with my life, that ship has sailed. My life is very predictable & insignificant. I'm diagnosed with depression. And here I am. Here I will be, the same, tomorrow & every day after that. I try to stay busy with hobbies. I read. It gets tiring& lonely. I do needlework, draw, paint, & then I think what's the point? No one will see them. They'll sit in my apt & gather dust. So what is the point of my life? So, I take each day as it comes. I watch a lot of TV. If I feel like doing something else I try. I stay at it as long as there's any motivation. Nothing to look forward to. I take each day as they come & I do the best I can to get through them. Most days it's a real struggle. Thank you for listening 🌹

[@visionvixxen]

Praying for you. I hope you return here to give a testimony.

[@Teresanicole23488]

I usually dont comment on posts but as a 23 year old im feeling the same way. I am isolated from my family as they have better things to be doing. I do things alone but it never seems to go anywhere. I get bored being alone. I talk to God but its usually just us in my head.

[@annelindsey3016]

Isolate, then angry because I isolate. Watch others live their lives around me and live vicariously through them. A vicious cycle and one that is hard to break.

[@Grungefan2018]

Yes and I'm 61. The utter lack of hope is indescribable

[@Grungefan2018]

61 completely burned out by life. Trying to figure out how to do this 100 % alone . No family support and work odd shift in a rural town moved here over a decade ago so no friends except a couple younger girls at work. But they have a life like every one else they have friends they communicate with and family. This dysfunction and complete lack of hope or even remembering what hope feels like. This is not an easy or even realistic fix at this point even for someone like me who can make friends quite easily. I am sincere and honest and would help friends with anything its just Ive lost hope over the years being dragged down by traumatic things of the past I have not een able to figure out how to release or heal or whatever it is. God knows I have tried soooo many modalities .

[@visionvixxen]

🙏🙏🙏

[@taanu6104]

Going through the comment section..so many of us are in the same boat…what’s going on with the world ?😢

[@Cherrybee61]

The veil is thinning. All truth will be exposed. 🙏

[@TeaRose9]

@@Cherrybee61people are waking up.

[@user-zk5rt3gb3e]

The world creates a lot of forces on us that incite "flight" or "fight". Most of what we see in the news are people in those two modes - people lashing out or fleeing.. Another reaction people have to catastrophic trauma is "freeze". Many high-functioning people who have had past trauma operate in "freeze" mode. They are functioning in their jobs, they smile, they attend barbeques, they even have families. But in their personal stories they are frozen. Can't act in their own interest. Outside of performative functioning (work, family) they are frozen.

[@gnaugler]

​@@user-zk5rt3gb3eyou've described me perfectly. Ptsd, my story frozen but still moves along.

[@klanderkal]

I messed up , played Russian roulette with my career job I loved,.... and lost. I was so stupid. 20yrs!!, 😫.. it was so important in my life. Depression is horrible

[@___slowrider___]

I just dont see the point of existing most days. Its all day working by myself, going home by myself, i dont have the money to go out and enjoy life. Its miserable. I keep trying to fake it till i make it. I go to therapy. I work out and do all the other things to try to improve my mental health but at the end of the day, im still sad, in pain, and alone. So whats the point.

[@2NDFLB]

▪️ look at each other... ⬛

[@kaydoherty3090]

Yes it's very hard on your own maybe join a walking group or maybe the Library has some reading group I hope you find something you like that doesn't cost too much 😊

[@korinapavosevic7191]

I hear you. Same here. No point. But there goes ❤ to you

[@KL-xi2uk]

I'm so dead inside, i don't have an algorithm. Even KZbin doesn't know what i want. I found you by providence. You may have saved my life.

[@Dani-ICU-RN]

❤❤❤

[@OhkayTheKhameleon]

I just stopped hyperfocusing on chasing happiness and focused on small things that make me happiER than I was yesterday last month or 5 minutes ago. It feels more attainable. It's like compounding confidence.

[@GooniesGirl]

I this perspective and will try it. How's it going still?

[@KMurray-sj9ty]

Love this perspective and it's what works for me!

[@joanfolds476]

My main problem is that I have focused more on helping others than taking care of myself. I was stuck here for decades. At 67, I am single with no children. Therefore, I need to look at myself and begin to relate to myself better. The way I have protected myself from my developmental years is through people-pleasing. So, I didn't learn how to say "no." I was raised in an atmosphere of criticism, emotional abuse, judgment, neuroticism, etc. Therefore, I have never really felt as though I am enough. Although I know my strengths, I focus on my weaknesses. Change comes hard for me, due to my fear of failure/fear of success. My main concern is that I'm growing older right before my eyes. Aging is another struggle. However, writing poetry brings me pleasure.

[@dontarguewithidiots7459]

me too Joan. Me too. Your post could have described my life. Sending you strength:)

[@mYcRiSpDiScK]

As a youngster I may not fully relate, but I definitely have some similar issues with people-pleasing and healthy boundaries. Definitely feels like this time in your life should be focused on yourself and what you love especially if you have very little tolerance for BS. You never know, you may even find yourself a boo that fits you like a jigsaw piece. I've been writing poetry too, it's reigniting my true passions from childhood; keep at it, it's fun!

[@tnt01]

Still a lot of years ahead of you. Take care of yourself.

[@dbruce5760]

I relate to this completely. Also, I wrote poetry, although in my 20's. I no longer do.

[@learnbyheart7]

Keep writing your Poetry that is a beautiful outlet and you can share it with others...your friends. I paint and study Art on YT and something nice to gift to a special person or someone who does a kind act.

[@deborahbasel184]

My life would be better if I did something. Anything. Yet here I am doing nothing. Stagnant.

[@petarrakoc1416]

Same, hope we figure it out with time

[@jjmack6563]

I totally understand that. It's making the first step that's so hard.

[@mightymouse1005]

Change one small thing.. I have a clutter problem and self isolation I make myself get rid of at least one box a week and do SOMETHING at least twice a month around people. This week I had a bday party. Last week I went to a veteran charity event. I also force myself to go outside daily, even for 5 minutes. They can be very small things.

[@sandraalegria3439]

I understand I'm struggling to leave the house.

[@sandraalegria3439]

​@@petarrakoc1416 Yes I hope it will pass.

[@elin_]

I've been stagnant for over 10 years now.. stuck in a huge freeze response. I'm starting to just give up..

[@JoachimLongIsland]

Please don’t give up ❤

[@elin_]

@@JoachimLongIsland I don't mean give up as in d!e.. I mean to just stop trying

[@JoachimLongIsland]

@@elin_ That gives me relief. I know what you mean.. But try not to give in with that either! 😊🥰

[@elin_]

@@JoachimLongIsland somehow, I just keep on going..

[@jake_with_the_BIG_snake]

@elin_ I feelt similar. I realized I was fighting my freeze response for 6 years ish and last year I just gave up. I dont know if this helps you but Paradoxically I feel this helped me. I was going fight or flight instead of feeling thru dissociative freeze state. Had to completely change training to only light walks and "restorative yoga" and it has changed significantly for the better. I also got super much help from getting foot massages regularly. Used to have high arches but now they dropped several cm and I can feel the ground properly and I feel more safe. Best of luck 👍

[@bchristian85]

It sucks when you are self aware enough to know you are wasting your life, but don't have the capability to stop it. For me, the issue is religious CPTSD. America right now is intolerable for someone with my background. Also, every time I watch one of your videos, I think about ditching my therapist because I realize how incapable she is of helping me out of my issue.

[@ZeCahli]

I have the same issue. 😔 It truly is an awful thing to have to experience. Nobody seems to care about each other anymore, either.

[@kerriehaddin5723]

I can relate, I find if I look @the world it makes me worse. I try "& hang onto my faith& kids that keeps me a from completely giving up.There is a higher purpose that can help us not take it on so dump it onto him. I feel life is about attitude& wat I focus on for me. I hav last stage liver disease with no transplant in sight & to many ops. So any more Ops I'm not having, that's my future atm. Either way it's all bout trusting in watever happens is for a reason. Blessings always

[@GooniesGirl]

I feel the same about my therapist.

[@TLA123y6f]

@@kerriehaddin5723 I think a lot of us are way too sensitive for this world. I'm sorry you're going through such a serious health issue. I hope you have a good support system. I have none. I did not foresee my life as it is today.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

I was better when the news wasn't shoved in my face every day

[@_cr8ive_]

Prolonged boredom = familiarity = anxiety / panic attacks...

[@danielafraser4811]

Your 13+1 ways to transform your mental health, set me on my path to recovery. Between you and my therapist, l am changing my life. Nutrition, good sleep, fresh air and seeking accomplishment rather than joy, is slowly working! I actually looked at the blue sky yesterday and decided l wanted to see more...my suicidal thoughts are fading! I am so grateful that l found you ❤

[@margo5919]

13+ one…I need to look for that. I appreciate this channel so much.

[@TLA123y6f]

We love you, Dr Scott. You are a small bright light and warm blanket for us in a very harsh and cold world

[@sandraalegria3439]

Amen I am happy for you !

[@ehodges00]

So many are struggling and suffering. I lost everything over Covid. Home belongings car etc. if i make it to the 10th i will be 56. I am grateful for each day as i lost husband in 2015. That should have been enough but just the beginning of a horrible spiral downward. My income is not enough. Get paid for 2 wks and broke within a day for another 2 wks. No home.. no medical help (make too much money according to powers that be). No dreams or goals just here until its my time. Shut out friends and family. Bright side is that they may have taken it all but they cant take my heart. Love is supposed to be the answer. I seem to get a lot wrong. After 20 yrs in same place, i wanted to see some places before it was too late but no way possible now. Dreams crushed. My prayers and love to all those with a true heart! May we stand strong and keep shuffling thru this nightmare!

[@patriciasalem3606]

My backsliding isn't due to wanting homeostasis. It's always been due to economic crises outside my control: the company I work for gets acquired and lays off thousands, a recession, a pandemic, etc. I would actually welcome predictability and stability in my financial life, but every time I get it and start setting goals, the universe yanks it away. It leads to a horrible sense of having no internal locus of control. I'm 62 and can't start a new career or pack up and move. I have a chronic health condition. It feels like I've done a lot of the changes I can do. But the big stuff requires money I dont have. It always comes back to that. I would like you to talk about how to make these changes when you're extremely underresourced (including lacking support from friends and family).

[@coolcutsgal2]

🙋🏼‍♀️😒mirrors my feelings

[@starloupe5490]

I would like a video on this as well as you mentioned.

[@korinapavosevic7191]

This!!! So sorry that it is happening to you and you explain it so well. I am so scared the next chapter of my life because of insecurity all the time, stability is something that I even no how it feels like

[@miniharez]

its the lull’s in between the depression and happiness that is brutal. When Im depressed, at least im working to get out of it. When Im happy I work harder to maintain it. but the in between when you have no current projects or anything fun to look forward to, you get in that mundane rut. It’s like your not really depressed or happy. just a black hole of apathy. Thats where I struggle.

[@xavierserrano4880]

I hear this

[@GothlindReiss]

@@xavierserrano4880 Same with me!

[@arleneramirez4561]

One thing i do is hold my breath. I dont even realize it.

[@Qey6723]

Omg same!

[@arleneramirez4561]

@@Qey6723 weird isn't it?

[@mattb1568]

Same

[@mistypfitzer111]

I do this habitually too just normally lol ill catch myself holding my breath throughout the day 😬

[@arleneramirez4561]

@@ccdm515 i sometimes clench my teeth too

[@kidneyfrog]

the suicidal urges get stronger every day and my hope for recovery is breaking. i have been deep in the suffering for years now. the light at the end of a tunnel is a myth to extract more money out of ill patients. the repetitiveness and misery is too much to handle. i am a suicide waiting to happen. every mental health 'professional' basically just told me to 'try harder' or 'choose to not think negatively' or other shit like that. i cant cope anymore. i cant live like this anymore. some people think that just because in theory, there is one path that can lead me out of this, doesnt mean that its practically or realistically possible. in reality, the future is much of the same for years until either my psyche breaks or i stumble into something that actually helps and makes life worth living. im glad that you found a life worth living scott, but i dont and probably never will and frankly i dont care to try anymore. goodbye

[@musicmamma]

Keep trying. I feel exactly like you. Former anorexic, narcissistic ex husband, toxic family and kid that don't care, and feeling like I'm just going through the motions everyday. Never give up. Fight. Fight with all you've got. That's all I do. And all I got. Keep trying. Prove to the world that even when the chips are down, you aren't! ❤❤

[@Cherrybee61]

I'm waiting to stumble into something that actually helps and makes life worth living. I have to stick around first to allow this to happen though.❤

[@TeaRose9]

I can relate, I feel like there has to be more to life than the programmed hamster wheel.

[@Mannsy83]

Is it depression? What have you tried?

[@TLA123y6f]

I understand the feeling of despair. I've been there many times too. Please, just try to take one more step forward. A baby step. And then another. Know that we are all hurting. And we do care about you. We're here to help each other. Thank God we found Dr Scott. He actually understands us.

[@mtjs8746]

Consistent effort has never been something i was good at. Effort exhausts me after a while especially if i feel like im not seeing results.

[@MS-ns4ki]

The absolute worst is when you lost everything and now you know your life will never be what you wanted . I am dating someone who doesn’t want family and I’m so sad .

[@Rowanty1]

I’ve been in a stagnant period for about six years now. I’ve all but given up hope that it will ever end.

[@sandraalegria3439]

I hope you and I both can feel excited about challenges. The fear and doubt just exhaust me.

[@Crcmvnt]

I’m 38, married, 2 kids and I’ve been feeling like this for quite sometime. It’s progressively gotten worse. I now have 2-3 panic attacks a day. Thankfully have started working with a therapist in conjunction with a psychiatrist.

[@martamegre]

Read the book or in áudio book “Dare” and upload the app! Will help you with panic attacks! Please do That!!!

[@risefromtheashes6623]

I'll just say this, and it may seem like it doesn't make sense but I'm amazed that anyone is mentally able to have even 1 child. I got a vasectomy 2 years ago when I was 26 and I'm still a virgin because I can't fathom what it takes to form a romantic relationship and have children. What saved me was going to two different Chinese Medicine doctors. They have very sophisticated herbal therapy that stopped my racing heart a year ago and even the acupuncture unintentionally grew my hair back when it was thinning. The help is out there, you just may have to look in places no one has suggested yet

[@francefradetjardineslacora8114]

Maybe you don't love your husband anymore.

[@PhsychoSomatic]

In my books, if you have kids and they are relatively normal. You won. Youve completed life. Now you can sit back and enjoy the little things. You have a reason to be cheerful every morning. Youve accomplished the meaning of your existence

[@perrycoffey5410]

My advice if you ever get divorced which hopefully that won't happen never marry again, this succubus is probably the reason your having a panic attack not sure

[@jacobmounts8975]

It's no so much as feeling like I'm going nowhere. It's more like it's going straight to the dumpster and I'm along for the ride.

[@Flower4229]

I feel this way at times too. It resonated with me when he said that if you don’t make a plan, you will let the world shape you

[@idaloup6721]

Same

[@TLA123y6f]

@@Flower4229 Yeah. Me too. It feels like I've spent my entire life just......floundering. Searching for a safe port in the storm.

[@commoneuropeanstarling]

Nice to see comments from people of all ages and from everywhere around the world. Thanks, Scott and thank you to all of the commenters on here!

[@Cocoanutty0]

I was thinking this morning about how it feels like the pandemic ruined my life. I had trajectory and momentum before. But everything stopped during and my life went on hold. I haven’t been able to recover since. Still in the same college, still haven’t found a job, still living with my parents, still single and not dating…

[@patriciasalem3606]

I'm much older, but I feel the same way. I had clawed my way back from the recession and got knocked backwards again. Now we're being gaslit about how great everything is and it's our problem that we're not doing better.

[@chastinreppert7685]

Same. You’re not alone. I hear this from so many people. The pandemic negatively changed our mostly successfully functioning society and severely affected and hurt so many people. Stay positive. What comes down, must go up! 🙏🏼

[@kaleyjoplinRAWRR]

Same 😢

[@user-zk5rt3gb3e]

I get this. I feel like the world fell off of its axis in 2016, and nothing has been the same since. It's so strange. I saw a debate the other day --- it was a presidential debate between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama -- and it honestly felt like I was looking into some other culture -- something alien --- , where people were normal, and there was decorum and somebody was in charge and people had integrity. It was so weird and also distressing to see that. How far we've fallen. I don't even know why this has happened. What I mean to say is that I never felt sad or cried about the world around me until around 2017. It's so odd and also horrific. What has happened.

[@avertingapathy3052]

Same but in my 30s.

[@diannemose244]

People ask me what's wrong and I reply everything and nothing

[@MadonnaGrogan]

Know that feeling

[@___slowrider___]

Yeah, when people ask me hows it goin i say "well i woke up so its off to a bad start"

[@GothlindReiss]

@@___slowrider___ Wow!! I sure can relate to that!! 👍

[@JudithHamilton-t2b]

Or as the old saying goes "If you do what you've always done, you will be where you've always been "

[@Nipponson86]

I have no problem leaving my comfort zone - the main problem is that I really don't know what to do with my life. I have no motivation, no desires, except maybe for a quiet life. But I don't even know how to achieve it, and I've been thinking about it for a good 10 years.

[@DanielBjorndahl]

cPTSD?

[@gnaugler]

I feel this way too!

[@ladyverse4578]

Same here

[@dawnofthedelts]

I actually think this hamster wheel feeling is quite valid. We have been sold the wrong bill of goods and are now realizing it, at least those of us that have been out in the workforce for so many years. We are told to grind, work long hours, get those things, become the job to get ahead, and it's all bullsh*t. We don't have to try to BE anything. And that doesnt mean the world is shaping us. Because it already has.

[@TeaRose9]

Exactly!! Many are waking up to realize this. Societal BS.

[@ehodges00]

So true! Hang in there as we are not alone. Grateful for love and the small things in life I use to take for granted. May you be blessed!

[@moz7173]

At 53, going through menopause, just after covid and exiting a 13 year abusive relationship plus losing the house I lived in for 10 years, while still in the same shi**y underpaid job I've been in forever, this article has helped immensely - thank you - if any of you Women out there have been through similar you will know how bloody hard it is to even get out of bed in the morning with menopause just adding another nail to the lack of motivation coffin... Brilliant article, wise and informed ! Have saved it for reference and will be doing my damndest to get my mindset and direction on the move. Thank's again .

[@anisekohl4745]

Couldn't agree more about menopause! Try a life with literally decades of such bad periods, I was doubled up in pain housebound, vomiting, in excruciating pain for 5 days straight every single month- lost equivalent of 7 years of my life in this state. Lost jobs because of it so constantly had no money therefore could not make life plans. Then menopause and CFS and dental issues- made worse by dental treatment- so I can't even eat anything but mush. Nearly 60, zero energy and have simply given up! So much for a good education!

[@indigo11144]

Sending you love

[@sandraalegria3439]

I am sixty and have had a similar situation it's hard not to cry , I feel like I wasted my life.

[@sandraalegria3439]

​@@anisekohl4745 I feel you I 'm sixty it's pure exhaustion and lacking motivation.

[@anisekohl4745]

@@sandraalegria3439 I am so sorry and truly understand. I feel I've wasted my life too and feel thoroughly alienated from my body because it just hasn't served me well despite my best efforts. Gave up on having any dreams long ago, let alone being able to fulfill them!

[@learnbyheart7]

You hit on it today...what I hate are repeat problems like with the house or medical. No matter how hard you work to take care of things and proactive breaks again. Every day I wake up to a problem... mostly with the house since my husband died i have been ripped off by Lennox expensive hvac system only 5 years old defective in a class action lawsuit and they don't respond or cannot get parts. I am still paying on it 15k and Allen Kelly in NC has washed it off. No lawyer cares enough got some new parts and it went out again this morning!!!! You just cannot fight anymore it takes your life away for 4 years. Don't buy Samsung Fridge, look it all up, defective class action lawsuit and you will spend years trying to get Samsung to repair since it can not be repaired. I have save you grief and about 25k. Look it all up it is out there, no one cares, just bought a new fridge, Fridgidaire Gallery. Wish me luck.

[@lisaa6099]

Best guy on the internet. HE GETS IT. THANK YOU SIR

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

My deep depression and anger are not currently bothering me, but I have no tangible goals or ambitions inspiring me forward. It's stagnating.

[@rl2388]

Yesterday was my birthday. I am living overseas alone and I was quite confused because my mom used to call me first thing in the morning. Then my little brother called me while crying that mom did not stop crying.. So I immediately called her. When she answered, she said happy birthday while crying. She is having a mental breakdown because of my father. My father is a mentally abusive person (not physically), and my mom said she could not take it anymore and wants to just get away from this world. I was there listening to my mom. I myself suffered a depression to the point that it ruins my health and I have to go to a psychologist before, but I was always there ever since I was little, listening to my mom's suffering in her marriage (my father cheated a lot back in the days, and despite in his mid 60s, he is still sometimes flirting with women). I do not know what to do at this point. I can only pray..

[@TLA123y6f]

That sounds like a horrible situation - thank God she has you. I've had two mental breakdowns - I did recover but was never the same again.

[@writeassociate]

Great advice in this video. Just wanted to pop on and say that I’m a person who does NOT believe the world is awful and getting worse. As a student of positive psychology, I’ve learned that many of our experiences are shaped by our mindset, our perspective of the world. If we believe it’s full of negativity, that’s all our brains will see; we’ll unwittingly filter out the positive aspects. If we believe in the goodness of the world, we’ll see more of it. It’s part of the reason why gratitude is so powerful; when we’re thankful for the good things in our lives, we train our brains to look for more good things, which makes us feel happier and more fulfilled overall.

[@tovebjrsvik4964]

Im diognosed with depression, and have adhd. My life froze totally when the love of my life was murdered 5 years ago. And i cant seem to get out of freeze and grief. Theese videoes gives me at least spme kind of understandig and learning about its normal ti have theese reactions and why life can feel so dead

[@hummingbird4934]

I’m so sorry I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you ❤

[@yvonnelebens1324]

Is it like living behind glass? that happens when a huge trauma happens, you can't get out of the freeze and sort of loose the grip of life...Hope you will find a way to heal and help yourself, it is quit something what you have expierienced!!! Do you know the 12 step programs, there might be one for you that might help you, then you have fellows also so, you want be alone and lonely, all the best i wish for you, a big hug, Yvonne

[@jinxme]

Am struggling... things are falling apart for me

[@velvet5922]

I do know what I want. However, I take care of my folks and family property and they are constantly working against everything I want or need in my life. I feel more trapped now than I did when I was in an abusive marriage. I feel like I've swapped one bad situation for a different one. One I feel I can't so easily get away from.

[@mattb1568]

It might be something internal that keeps attracting you to these dynamics. I believe we are bigger than our circumstances and I know you’ll figure it out! Pray about it. To god or the universe, whatever you believe in. Meditate, ask for answers in the silence and wait. Something will come from it. I wish you luck and healing

[@smokey2653]

I’m 20 years old in college and I just finished my junior year a couple weeks ago. Right now I feel like I need to be doing something huge and more compensating to my time and my future. I can’t even enjoy lounging around, play video games, etc. because I feel like I’m wasting time.

[@Bob-b7x6v]

Missing several steps on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Got a career and paid off a house, but forgot everything else...

[@musicmamma]

It is really hard on older people such as myself, who are all alone on holidays,& you know your family & kid simply don't care.

[@ViYoung-os4kv]

I'm an older person. I've just moved to the seaside. No family there. No friends but it's a new chapter. I'm worth it.

[@TLA123y6f]

I'm experiencing that now. My kids and I are estranged now. That may never be repaired. I used to LOVE Xmas. Now I'm dreading it and the other holidays too. And I don't have any other family. It just hurts so bad

[@belugalalala]

@musicmamma id love to chat with you if you feel lonely- im no family member but i would be happy to

[@belugalalala]

@@TLA123y6fid love to be a friendly ear if you would like that

[@xxnika_22]

Summary: Three steps towards change: 1. Get a sense of who you want to be and in which direction you want to move (make a decision) --> when we don't have a plan we let the world and our environment shape us, the plan can be adjusted over time as we reflect constantly on the direction we are heading (like testing hypotheses) 2. Make as many decisions as possible (on a daily basis) torwards this goal/ideal, always reflect: are my actions and decisions moving me torwards my goal or away from it? 3. Look at your environment (physical, social, digital, etc.): Is it supportive of your goal or is it holding you back? -> Make the stuff that helps you as accessable as possible and remove barriers. By controling our environment we pre-plan our decisions, we control our subconcious, bc most of our days we spend on autopilot. (Sorry for the errors I am not a native speaker)

[@jode378]

Thanks!

[@sofiasmusings]

Wow, are we on the same wavelength? This video came out at the perfect time in my life. I literally said to myself yesterday that I feel like I’ve been living the same day over and over again. I’ve always struggled with stagnation, most of the time due to mental health struggles, burn out, and neurodivergence, but recently it’s been particularly trying. I have dealt with health issues throughout my life, and though they cause me pain nearly every day, I have a tendency to push through the pain and go about my life. Recently, my health got worse after getting mono and it has been 5 months of me still recovering, still not well enough to walk longer than a minute, or leave the house. I stayed in college and worked something out with my professors, only coming in during exams. In school there was some momentum, I was learning and getting good grades, but now that it’s over I feel once again, I’m going nowhere. I’ve been stuck at home doing nothing, essentially, in order to get better. All while feeling upset that I am continuing to abandon the dreams and the hobbies I’ve loved for years. Feeling like I’m continuing to go nowhere. This past week I said enough is enough and started doing what you recommended in the video. I made a list of the things I want to do, and have been doing some every day. It’s helped my mental health, though I am still frustrated at times. I do also have a tendency to overdo it and put pressure on myself, but it’s okay. I really appreciate this video, it came in a time of need and was helpful. It was reassuring to know I’m on the right track, and to learn the information you shared. Thank you for all you do! God bless you and all those watching the video, I hope you all overcome this hard period in your lives.

[@cody3504]

My life does feel like its getting worse and falling apart. It seems like my life just gets worse not better.

[@MrWcuevas710]

The relevance of this video is shocking. I'm 35 and going thru this with my career. Spent over a decade in one discipline, got really good, felt stagnant & got screwed by my last job. So i made a job change to try to earn more. I couldnt get the vibe to make it work. Savings was dwindling quickly, my family was unhappy with how I felt in the job. Long story short, I'm back to earning about what I've always earned in what amounts to an entry level job. I'm feeling extremely tempted to go back to my former work and i feel really down about it all. Thank you Dr Scott

[@_bluephoenix_]

I recall someone saying "if it feels scary and isnt comfortable- thats when you should do it". Instead of staying in the comfort zone I do try to put myself out there and "expose" myself to these scary things like socialising, going to the shops etc and try to be proud of myself for it. Sadly though, i do feel that im putting myself through these huge things consistently and yet i still feel im not making friends. Its like no matter how engaging or how often i socialise, no-one wants to know me past a superficial level. Its easy to just retreat and feel "why bother?" then resentment and defeat consumes me.

[@skellener]

Exactly, I feel stuck. 😢😢😢

[@TedBates-sv8cf]

When I was 19 I had a serious mental break down. I was taught that life is meaningless but I could be my own god and create my own meaning. Well I became miserable but then the Lord came into my life and I found meaning in Him.

[@skjelm6363]

I had to laugh when you said: "You are a hybrid of your 5 closest people" and I thought a second about it: "there is only my cat." So I am a hybrid from a hermit and a cat on a bicycle meowing and hissing my way to get my food from the store. But serious, the rubber band is a good comparison. It feels that hard. When I want to use my freedom my shame pulls me still back, even if I already identified it. Like trying to rip through a bicycle tube. And I still feel weak. But after all what you said, the conclusion for me is I should keep trying, build the muscle and when I break through... I go on my way meowing on a bicycle to the store!!

[@DrScottEilers]

😂

[@jan854]

Your comment made me smile. There are only my birds that visit me every morning. Two cardinals that stop by my feeder...

[@skjelm6363]

@@jan854 This is good! So you don't have to take the bike - you can just fly! We don't have cardinals here I think, I looked them up, really beautiful fellas! Send 'em some greetings from the weird cat-guy next time!

[@MadonnaGrogan]

I have 4cats so,,, I must be a cat

[@skjelm6363]

@@MadonnaGrogan prrrrrr? =^_^=

[@korinapavosevic7191]

There is no other who can explain better this topic and most of the other topics. I am always in awe when I am listening him!

[@AprilMears-j7q]

I DO KNOW that I want to help other people. 😊

[@dancer20617]

❤❤❤

[@susanaaires3979]

I don't have a direction, don't really know where to go and there is no one around either. So it's hard to find the strength or the motivation.

[@dariosergevna]

also maybe good to mention how grief work is important…not getting into any toxic relationship, stop drinking alcohol, trauma work etc. all this is immensely hard

[@jess77surfs]

I've been stuck in tar for decades and I've broken myself mentally physically and spiritually to do things counselors, coaches, etc said to do. I'm over pushing myself. I'm actually getting serious health problems from this stress now. I've expended resources trying. Now I'm apathetic, indifferent, and joyless.

[@probablypoetic8759]

Makes a lot of sense, Scott. I've been struggling with the back and forth, and I see what you're saying. Environment is a big influence. I'll have to reassess that in all aspects of my life. Thank you.

[@ssjcybersonic9255]

I've never had any goals or dreams in life, so I just always plodded through hoping somewhere along the line I'll find something. I've now been stuck in a dead-end, underpaying job for the last 10 years, with no motivation to even try and change. And even if I did, I have no idea what to change too. My life has just become slowly waiting for the inevitable end to come, while I try and hold on the what little sanity I have left.

[@constance4065]

WOW Scott, you are SPOT-ON in this video!! Your videos amaze me at how accurate they are in situations I've either been in or am going through now! But this one is definitely how I felt when I was in an abusive relationship for 13 yrs, off and on. Why I stayed in it that long I've never understood till I watched this video! I felt comfortable in the relationship & knew how things were going to go each day, No surprises in other words. Thank you for all the videos you do!! All of them, except for a few, describes things I've been through, felt or are going through. I appreciate your work so much!!

[@peterchuck4077]

I’d like to expand on that: I’ve tied myself down with trying to understand why our civilization is becoming more toxic. We can’t agree on anything and some have it in their head to change things around to an extremism I’ve never seen and can’t absorb as things change so quickly and dramatically.

[@thewanderingsoultarot]

The thing abt changing your environment is sometimes it's totally outside your control, like you have to stay in a job or in a town you hate bcs you hv to take care of an elderly parent or u have a family to feed. I wonder how to move from stagnancy in these cases.

[@jan854]

I was already feeling stuck going in circles and then made a bad choice which caused me to question my existence. Never in my life have I ever thought what's the point of life or that I don't want to be here anymore. That scares me to my core since I've always thought of myself as an optimistic person but looking at my life I really feel like the last 15 years have been the same thing. Me trying to fight off the loneliness or fill the void of whatever is missing. I find myself making myself depressed by pondering "what's next?" because my horizon looks so bleak at times. Usually work or personal relationships provide an escape for me but right now both are in the shitter.

[@nancysmith8626]

Been in your shoes, very similar situation. Not a great place to be.

[@chastinreppert7685]

Stay strong and positive! The negative will eventually pass and you will be in the positive again!

[@jan854]

@@chastinreppert7685 💖💖💖

[@stormchaser419]

With the damn economy, everyday is Groundhog Day. Work 2 to 3 jobs, 80 hours a week and rinse and repeat. Some of us are all alone. No family, no close friends. I hate this planet. It's a hellhole for the majority of the time. Now hundreds of people missing in North Carolina with floods. Just washed away. This planet is a clownshow.

[@thefall-downkings6556]

"...Goals you've given up on". Yes, in sole pursuit of Peace after leaving toxics I lost sight of my musical goals. My voice got weak. I had to rest in security and recharge for a while. But I'm stronger now and need to jump back on these creative ideas. Thanks for the reminder. Stretch that rubber band.

[@veeveemille8830]

I just love this video. It’s so useful to learn about the homeostasis that we are fighting against. It’s also such a paradigm shift to realize that the majority of our days are on autopilot, and that we need to set up our environments to create low barriers to entry and automaticity for the supportive actions to take place. Dr. Scott, you elucidate concepts and forces that only someone who has been deep in the trenches of suffering can understand. Thank you for helping point the way to some hope for change.

[@pipwhitefeather5768]

I think I've been stuck for decades... Thank you I needed to hear this.

[@HettiedeKorteDiplomaat]

I'm stuck on Groundhog Day. I'm 74. My husband died 6 years ago. It took me 5 years to get over it. I thought: I will never want a relationship again. But yesterday to my surprise I was thinking of going on a dating site. It makes me very uncomfortable and I read a lot of bad reviews. I'm more of the type to let things happen. But I don't work. Dating sites make me feel like I'm desperate. But my standards are high. I'm in doubt. Just thinking out loud.

[@thepeculiarmaple]

Hey, I have a suggestion: find a group hobby you might enjoy! Maybe you won't find dates, but you'll learn a new skill and potentially make friends and companionship. :))

[@HettiedeKorteDiplomaat]

@@thepeculiarmaple Thank you. ❤️

[@emilyhaggard4420]

I truly believe that you have a God-given gift of being able to develop and use metaphors to help explain problems and possible solutions to those issues. Thank you for sharing parts of your life with us.

[@franziskaweber3327]

You're great. One can tell that you know what you are talking about from experience. The therapists I had never gave any advice that was even nearly as good as yours. Thank you

[@Houdini_Bob]

I just retired at 67. I've been working for 50+ years most all in some form of technology with last 23 was in networking/automation. this defined me. I'm having to reformat my hard drive and redefine "ME" by learning things I have never done like digital art. I understand the part about being a hybrid of 5 closest people because you, probably subconsciously, affiliate with those who match "you"

[@BarbaraFriberg]

😊

[@slporter722]

I am soon to be 67. Retired from technology field since I was 19 years old. I find I want to combine creativity and technology still! So I’m taking a Wordpress class to develop a website. What kind of website? I don’t know yet. Will see what comes to me.

[@SylviaRR]

Thanks for this video. Exactly where I am and have been for a long time. The relationship analogy is spot on.

[@muzerhythm2242]

Feel like this after went on SSDI. FIrst felt like life was turned upside down, then when I adjusted....it was same dull existence....needed to find my purpose again.

[@unclepigg]

That jolted me - being in the same environment as the one that allowed you to become this person, isn't beneficial. I'm in a profession that feeds boredom, over eating, self hatred, low self esteem.. I desperately need to change this but ironically, the consequences of being here are keeping me stuck. I feel like a massive life change is the only possibility to improve things, but it feels too uncertain and scary right now.

[@LiftingUrVeil-LUV]

I’m a 43 year old male and my entire life has been stagnant. No romance, no friends, no career and it wasn’t for the lack of trying cause I tried . I dated and dated, I am a very sociable person and love interacting with people and I work job after job searching for my passion . Then I started therapy and figured I needed to heal all my trauma and gain awareness for my life to move forward and still nothing . Now I’m fighting cancer and have no friends or relationship that I can lean on and yet I still have hope . I’m not or never been pessimistic i fact most people comment on how optimistic I am and always smiling and yet it seem like I can stop fighting battle after battle

[@wateheckful]

I'm 42. Have been living in freeze mode since 12. When i look at my peers at my age now, i can be called a loser. My career comes to a standstill now due to my depression. I'm single since birth. No one likes me. Have no friends or family. I'm just breathing. Not living. 😢 Hope I can break this mode before i reach 50😢.

[@Grateful4Grace777]

"Doing" was my coping response. Childhood trauma + wrong or no reactions to negative situations in adulthood + cancer + chemo toxicity + chronic pain = I can't "do" anymore and it came out in my few relationships. I don't have hope and can't imagine a good future; just more physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain and suffering and becoming a burden on others. Some days I barely make it through. I can't even envision a future...it's just a blank thought. I don't have a support system near me. I've isolated due to more inflicted pain. I've gone no contact with my family due to ongoing abuse. I don't have counseling or support group. Trying to learn about CPTSD via books and KZbin (thanks!), journaling, CBT (best I can without guidance), and attempting self care and compassion. I need to change or just go ahead and die.

[@naviproductions]

You put words to everything I’m feeling. It helps so much!

[@mYcRiSpDiScK]

Thank you Dr. Scott, you are crushing it with your uploads lately 💛

[@marthomas851]

The self abuse ideation really hit home with me ❤❤ ty I’ve been doing it a long time

[@SheilaHuntRossiter]

Where have you been my whole life? In all seriousness, so happy I came across this channel. You have helped me better articulate my feelings in just a week than some that have been trying for years. Thank you thank you thank you!

[@EdithBrown-v2d]

Thanks Again Dr Scott. I am moving forward..

[@kimsusan]

Dr. Scott, your videos never fail to offer me motivation and food for thought. Thank you!

[@goldismoney5899]

Existential depression is so different from what you discuss on this channel. I am sure it is great for those with "normal" depression. Really I appreciate your desire to help others. What I have is a true anomoly. Yes, I am special.

[@mattb1568]

I feel you. But there are always two sides to the coin. The ability to feel existential optimism and joy are available to you as well. It’s up to you

[@TheCynthiahawkins]

Listening to you, the way you process and idea, takes a lot of the wind out of my anxiety.

[@adisciple]

Thank you dear doctor, you are a great support to all of us with informing us but also helping us feel understood; you are a most precious companion. 🙏

[@raggioec4745]

Thank you for this videos Scott, you are truly helping us out. I send you a lot of love for you and your loved ones. The work you do with this videos in these dark times for humanity give me hope.

[@dancer20617]

Thanks Dr Scott ❤

[@annelindsey3016]

Thank you for your wisdom. I just ordered your book from AMAZON and hope it gets to me before this weekend so I can delve into it. You are an inspiration and so selfless to share your knowledge with those who can identify with everything you say. It is like you have known me all my life and know my struggles. God Bless you and your family, your kindness is so appreciated.

[@batterymakermarkii2654]

You have hit the nail on the head. Just like what I'm feeling now. Just. Plain. Stuck. Slowly working for a solution, however.

[@TomBurgundy]

Great video Dr Scott. I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately so what you spoke about really resonated with me.

[@NikhilAchwal]

This video is unbelievable, thank you for posting

[@capricorn1970i]

Your work is so helpful. Thank you very much! ❤

[@merrillsunderland8662]

I’m a 36 year old with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression and possible autism. It’s taken longer than I expected to finish an undergrad degree (from age 17-29). I’ve worked entry level jobs for my whole working life. I have trouble making and maintaining relationships. Even regulating emotions seems to elude me: I’ll overreact, see everything as worse as it is, and am overwhelmed by my environment. I haven’t found anything that helps. My parents and peers don’t pressure me to meet common milestones like getting married and launching a stable career in a single sector. Maybe the traditional milestones don’t work. Maybe my evolution as a person isn’t going to look like most people I know. But if you’re the one setting goalposts, where do you put them? How do you measure your own progress?

[@dariosergevna]

I relate a lot.

[@J2_G]

You hit an important nail on the head when you talked about who do I want to be today vs 5 years from now and how it has changed and will change. I'm not sure I have asked myself that in a direct way and I now need to figure out what will pull the rubber band far enough. Unfortunately, I have to stop watching the video @15:13 until I do because my ______(fill in the blank with diagnosis) brain will hijack that important trajectory with whatever you say next and all my now current momentum will be lost. Thank you for this approach!

[@pippacarron1861]

WOW! This was fantastic, one of your best! The rubber-band analogy really hit home with me. I like to think that I am disciplined and responsible, but I'm not. I've been trying to change myself in incremental ways, thinking that that was all that I was capable of, and trying to address the worst aspects first, but I'm a continual recidivist. Without an overall game-plan, and thus being patchy in my approach to improving my life, I keep slipping back into wasting my time with random online entertainment. Thanks so much for your edification and inspiration.

[@LoneLupine]

Have you ever talked about how to overcome environmental/climate change depression and anxiety? Or AI anxiety? I really like your videos but would really like to hear you talk about how to over come that.. I have clinical long term depression and anxiety but lately feeling very doom and gloom about the environment and humanity as a whole. Thank you for these videos though, they all apply to me, especially this one

[@dennislloyd3799]

I am 68 yr old male and married to a narcissist..l was orphane twice have no family l need someone to talk to

[@lpfx777]

That would be really hard.