Why Would They Choose the Bear?

[@LilFeralGangrel]

"Women and men are not that different" I don't know why but this made me immediately think of a scathing review of the comic book "Monstress" where the reviewer was angry that this matriarchy was not in fact a utopia and had many of the same issues as our modern patriarchal world. It's almost as if the author Marjorie Liu was trying to make a point about authoritarian societies. Welp.

[@ShadaOfAllThings]

A thing that people consumed by Teamgame type thoughts about various modern issues tend to not understand: Its deeply human to be an authoritarian. And deeply human to want to prevent authoritarian control over yourself. To posit that a side, a group, a creed, could ever be immune to that, is to posit that the group is above humanity. And the funniest thing? The people who think that kind of control is a good thing, and who get some aspect of that control? All of them are hurting themselves in the same way incels hurt themselves by congregating on their doomer forums. Its why if you actually read feminist literature enough you will find that quite a few thinkers posit Patriarchy as a bad thing for men too, even if it affords them more benefits and privileges

[@Sudo_Nimh]

I really fuckin like Monstress.

[@Brodaciously]

​@@ShadaOfAllThings THIS.

[@walterkruse348]

Also see: The Gate to Women's Country, or as I like to call it: "What if patriarchy still, but women are the ones in charge and men are the ones who are grossly objectified for the superficial characteristics of their sex but also everyone kind of is a little bit?" What does that look like? In the post-nuclear apocalypse, a large segment of surviving technological society exists in walled cities, where only women, very young male children, and some men who are either homosexuals or eunuchs (I don't remember which) are allowed to live and have access to what advanced technology remains. Virtually all men live outside the walls, where they spend their time basically living as Spartans (bronze-age weapons and all) and waging constant war against the men from other walled cities... for basically no reason. I'd check it out if you're interested in speculative fiction with a focus on gender issues.

[@principleshipcoleoid8095]

Matriarchy would have different problems tho. Not same as "patriarchy". Had matriarchies even proven themself capable of long term survival?

[@TheBraedon2]

I'll never forget the experience that opened my eyes to the world women live in. I was a young guy in the military, about 20 years old and had been having fun conversations with a new troop to the flight. Eventually decided to ask her out but she declined to which I said no problem and carried on as normal. She then THANKED me for not freaking out at her and that utterly baffled me. When I asked, she told me I wasn't the first to ask her out and that several of the guys got really upset when she rejected them. Sad to say such an experience was eye-opening, but it led me to better behaviors and attitudes over the course of the last two decades.

[@walterkruse348]

As usual, Burger continues to be one of the most insightful, empathetic, and intelligible people I've heard speak about this topic, or most topics related to men's issues and helping men understand women. This video needs to get five million views. Probably won't, because selling rage-bait to directionless young men for them to consume like corn chips seasoned with MSG and fentanyl is way easier and more profitable, but that's still how I feel.

[@supersam5802]

This video gave me the idea of a dnd character, a magic talking sword who doesn’t want to be used as a sword, but instead a negotiator/diplomat

[@mr.frolicyoutube]

A sword that identifies as a plowshare.

[@supersam5802]

For those interested in the build I’m torn between eloquence and tragedy bard, both have great flavor for the idea. As for the race to use I’d lean towards reskinning the autognome, but reborn, dhampir, or warforged would all be great base lines to reflavor, background azurious functionary, variant noble (retainers), and lorehold student all could easily be reflavored and still give you a good starting skill set. Enjoy and let me know how it goes if you play this character idea

[@Nerobyrne]

A German fantasy author made a sword with a mind, but it was also a psychopath whose only purpose in life was murder.

[@MisterZimbabwe]

Like a low tech iron giant

[@supersam5802]

@@MisterZimbabwe I can’t believe I didn’t realize that but yeah 1 trillion percent

[@MagikarpPower]

a man i spoke to about this topic mentioned how stuff like this makes him feel like he was better off dead. i was also experiencing similar feelings at that time and it turned on a light for me. There's no need to participate in this conflict. You deserve to live as you are. There's nothing shameful about it.

[@amanofnoreputation2164]

[Women trying to give men the same blanket solidarity they have with other women.] This often fails not because of the investment -- even my mother gets it wrong, and nobody in my entire life is more invested in me than her -- but because women, people, really, don't necessarily understand what qualifies as affection from the perspetive of other people. My mother is an extrovert, so she thinks that taking my out somewhere will help me blow of steam when in fact it will irritate me and I only endure it to maintain my relationship with her. Another stumbling block for our interactions is how she assumes she's a lot more empathetic than she actually is and so, when she can see that I'm upset or lathergic, instead of asking me what's wrong and, even more importantly, being open to the honest answer rather then becoming defensive, disagnoses what I'm feeling as though she thinks she can read my mind so that she doesn't _have to_ actually ask me and risk becoming defensive. My mother will tell her children that she knows who they are better than they know themselves _with a straight face._ (Probably because her own mother bought into similar myths of motherhood and there are signs it's led to similar frustrations between my mother and grandmother.) So when we get to this particular place we're goign for tea or what have you, am I beign given the stimulating kind of conversation built on shared interests that I might actually have appreciated in such a situation? Of course not. I'm just a nodding donkey who's job is to endure my mother's stream of consciousness and all the things that have been bothering her, and emotionally validate all of her opinions. Kind of like what I'm doing in this comment section right now, because God knows I've held my tongue. If I don't humor her, then the fun really begins as now I'm beaten over the ehad with all of the selfless things my mother has done for me (revealing that they were not a tall sincere because she evidently expected emotional credit in return) untill I behave in line with my specifications as an object. Fun times. I love her, but there's parts to being around her that aren't so great. It is what it is.

[@brightspear]

Funnily enough, my mother was very much like yours, this coming from someone who's neurodivergent (but not known in my childhood). But not all mothers I've known were like that, moreover the same applies to younger women I meet also. Truth is, I tend to find that women have been marginally more tolerant to certain issues and open to changing their minds/learning, but on a deeper level, I think what you're describing tends to be more a class issue more than a gendered one. I grew up impoverished and solidary/trust have a very hard time developing when your existence is characterised by pressing survival.

[@joshaguirre5885]

Damn, I've never read so apt a description of my relationship with my mother as this post before. Thanks for shining some light onto that, I needed it. I hope we can both find a solution to relax the strain a little! I'm rooting for you

[@alexandertheok5649]

what the fuck, brother? is that you? because it sounds like we got the same mom holy fuck

[@AlexisTheDragon]

So she's a narcissist and you have stockholm syndrome.

[@CandyThePuppy]

Neurodivergent waman over here and honesely same, though I can definitely tell my mom isn't TRYING to be like that. She does genuinely care and try to do things I like as well... Unfortunately for her, 😅 I've gotten so accustomed to being a loner that everything I do for fun is one-person-activity sort of stuff, like animating, reading, writing, watching random video essays on KZbin. The kind of stuff that's REALLY hard to incorporate other peopke into, especially my mother! (We have a sort of middle-ground where if I find an anime I think she'll like -- like a drama/mystery -- I'll watch it with her just so we can have some mother/daughter bonding time. Of course, this is how I tend to bond with just about everyone in my family, since again, everything else I do is designed for me and me alone. In all honestly, I wouldn't even be that into anime and other television if it weren't the only way I could think to bond with my family. I've always had it really easy entertaining myself by writing my OWN stories and whatnot. But, I now enjoy hand-picking certain shows and going "Oh! I think ____ will like this!" and saving it for later so we can watch it together. -- the ones I pick for myself are always the "boring anime", usually slice of life and more often than not really depressing 😅. But yeah. Has it me hunting for anime my loved ones will watch becoming a hobby of mine kinda backfired, since now I'm seen as the ultimate weeb of the family?.. maybe? Do I love my family more than I worry about how the world and said family percieves me? Also yes. I would rather be called a useless slob for the rest of my life than not have them in my life.)

[@gremlin2550]

Talking about men objectifying themselves, that was me and how I stopped from game ending. In order to survive abuse and depression I cut off my emotions, becoming nothing but a useful tool. This is why i love your videos, and probably why I feel compelled to work 80 hours a week, and why I feel guilty doing anything except working.

[@MagikarpPower]

@@gremlin2550 I'm sorry. you deserve better.

[@andythedestro12]

Wish you the best of luck on your healing journey 🙏

[@Ok-df1uz]

Best of luck, honestly hope youve found something you enjoy for its own sake and something that makes you feel like a human being with inherent value because that is what you are.

[@gs4011]

I'd like to relate male hostility over this issue to a point you made in your video on "The emotional objectification of men,": "Women have this force field up, to prevent any interaction and keep all the guys at arms length. This is soul destroying for men, but what are we supposed to do, tell them to stop keeping themselves safe?" (I paraphrased but the point should be self evident.)

[@andybreadley429]

Good men get filtered, bad men go through and create bad reputation. Women complain - good men listen, bad men go on as usual. Cycle repeats. Bad men reproduce more - good men reproduce less. Society falls.

[@MagikarpPower]

@@gs4011 it's soul destroying for women too. healing for many women means learning how to trust decent men.

[@gs4011]

@@MagikarpPower I completely agree. It's not fun for anyone, I just wanted to point out that the main (in my opinion) reason men get so pissed about this is not "muh incels" it's "we're stuck in a shite catch 22 that makes us miserable, so can you please not make up scenarios to rub salt in the wound." I know that likely isn't the intent for a lot of women, but that is ABSOLUTELY how it reads to dudes: "WE DON'T TRUST ANY OF YOU AND WE NEVER WILL. WE WOULD TAKE AN ANIMAL OVER YOU."

[@MagikarpPower]

@@gs4011 i totally understand. I'm not at all trying to justify women's fear of men, rather the opposite. i think much of it hurts women more than helps them. what is soul destroying is women projecting their traumatized fear to all men.

[@gs4011]

@@MagikarpPower I would argue that women are totally right to be cautious of dudes, and people in general. I would say that the whole "Man Vs. Bear" thing is at best, women fear-mongering each other into a panic. At worst I would (tinfoil hat incoming) say its a deliberate psyop intended to keep the gender war going so that none of us realize how much we're being screwed.

[@Katishel]

As a trans woman who lived the first 30 years of her life as a man I have a unique perspective on this fear. For context I always considered myself pretty aware of the fear women face for simply existing in our society. I knew that assault, SA, and Rpe was a common thing women faced. For the first 30 years of my life I did not live with this fear, feel like I had to be prepared to face the worst humanity has to offer every time I step out my door, or even consider it much at all. This was not because I had never been assaulted (by both men and even one women) but all of these situations I considered to be more anomalies than something to actually be afraid of. Fast forward to one of my first nights out as myself after I started my transition. I was in a city at a goth club night (one I had attended before as a man). It was a yearly event/ concert so it was incredibly packed but I knew enough people that were going to be there and felt safe enough with the staff and promoter to come as myself and by myself. It was largely an enjoyable night until a guy (not a regular) took an unpleasant interest in me on the dance floor and kept trying to dance with me. I did my best to ignore, avoid him while not leaving the dance floor. Despite this after a few songs he decided to grab me by the arm (completely unprovoked) and start to drag me off the dance floor. It caught me off guard and I froze up and let him lead me about halfway across the dance floor until my survival instinct kicked in as I saw he was leading me toward an exit to the alley. I pulled away from him in an intentionally dramatic way (alerting club security in the process) and he proceeded to act like this had been a misunderstanding. I glared at him and he left (didn't see him for the rest of the night so not sure if he left on his own or was asked to). Scary moment but I probably would have just considered this just another anomaly until days and weeks later when I spoke about it to other friends of mine that were women. While there was empathy and compassion for my experience none of the women I spoke to were in the least bit surprised by this encounter. "Yeah that happens." , "Welcome to womanhood", and other similar comments were incredibly common and it was really at that moment that it dawned on me the gravity of my new situation as existing as a women in our current society (being a trans woman adds an extra level of danger but baseline is bad enough). Fast forward to 16 years later and I've largely acclimated to living with this constant fear. I try not to let it rule my life and I do what I can to prepare myself every time I go out to put it more at ease but it is always there. In that time I have had far worse things happen to me but that was really the one that stuck with me mostly due to the reaction of the women in my life when I told them about it. I cannot stress this enough to men. However bad you think it is. However educated and enlightened you think you are about it. I can assure you that the real situation is worse. Bears are dangerous but they are actually far more predictable then men. I grew up in a rural area. I've actually encountered bears in the woods and while I was wary of them (and luckily knowledgeable enough about them to give them the space they need and not provoke them) and I was never assaulted by those bears. To this day I feel far more comfortable wandering in the deep woods than I do walking down the street at night in my own city because while the vast vast majority of men that I encounter in public have not assaulted me or even acted inappropriately toward me I cannot say all and I cannot ignore the fact that any one of those men (no matter how well dressed or seemingly friendly and/or harmless) could be more dangerous to me than any actual bear ever has been.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

Feminine signalling, that's what this whole thing is about "look I'm a delicate and vulnerable damsel too!" If it makes you feel any better, I hate when other women do it too, this is literally just you having a sexual thrill, I've done it in the past too, except never at any mens at large expense, putting a lied message out there to feel like a fragile little princess. Also, bears can literally take bullets to the head and they bounce off, that's real, let alone its hide, think on that, it's the same for the bear, it doesn't matter how friendly it is, there is a 50/50 it freaks out and kills you. There is a much less chance than a logical rational life loving, freedom loving man, with his life and freedom on the line, and u know it from your own life experience too.

[@thepozoleispeople5139]

Bear: please keep me out of this.

[@Awaken_To_0]

I consider myself Nonbinary but I'm a black person and AMAB. I'm not crazy about the bear discourse. Imagine hearing "Which would you rather be alone in the woods with? A Bear or a _Black Man?"_ Suddenly, I hope, that sounds pretty fucked up right? I just think we shouldn't discriminate against people. At least for me being discriminated against because I'm black feels awful. Being discriminated against because I'm "too white" for speaking relatively eloquently and liking reading, being quiet, etc. Being discriminated against because I seem too masculine feels awful. Being discriminated because I seem too feminine feels awful. Maybe it's naive, but I wish I could be seen s a person not a list of categories.

[@thebadger4040]

I feel the same. We might belong to many categories, but at the end of the day they are a very small part of our personality and I wish people tried more to look past these more often.

[@Awaken_To_0]

@@thebadger4040 Yeah. Maybe it's me being obtuse but I think that sometimes categories should be better understood as "Characteristics " and not "Classes." Like of course Men, Women, black people, or Hindus will all share some common life experiences but so will redheads or frycooks. But outside of rare circumstance we don't really see redheads as a "class" right? At least, not too the same degree as 200 years ago or so. It's not assumed because you're a redheads you must hold X belief or work Y job or feel Z way. Outside oof generally stereotypes and jokes which are broadly acknowledged as such it's generally just stops at an observation, not an ascription of your whole life.

[@bobross5438]

[edit: sry I moved this to a standalone comment bc I had more to say lol rip, didn't wanna delete this though but feel free to delete it if repetitive] Sameeeee, like yes I can *understand* why cashiers would keep an eye on me when I was walking through stores as a raggy teenager - more than just "understand", I can *empathize* with it since my parents owned a shitty cornerstore in a sketchy area that was their life for a while. People can't afford to be so considerate when the stakes are their own survival in a dog-eat-dog world, I don't blame them for basic pattern-recognition instincts. But that didn't make it any less hurtful when I was in fucking middle school and had to dump my bag in front of the cashier for him to rummage through, while my friends/peers from school watched. To this day I feel uncomfortable shopping in expensive places unless I'm dressed well and with white friends, and even then I compulsively feel eyes on me. YES I sympathize with WHY that cashier suspected me, I don't know his story and I'd bet he was justified/traumatized in his own right. But fuck anyone who would think less of me, or outright attack/invalidate me, for feeling hurt about it. Same exact thing for this stupid bear discourse and people who go out of their way to tell men we're statistically dangerous (lol) and feeling hurt by this is a sign of fragility/entitlement. Thank god my experience wasn't about police harassment, but it's sad to know others could tell a darker version of this story.

[@MagikarpPower]

forreal, its genuinely hurtful.

[@Awaken_To_0]

@@bobross5438 Get that 100%. I try to see things from others perspective and give them grace. I "get" why I'm followed and watched in stores, why some people cross the street when they see me, why I've been asked to turn off my bags despite never having stolen so much as a candy bar and actually finding thieves distasteful. I get why some people cross the street when they see me, it cops get jumpy, or why by default I am expected to join diversity initiatives or help plan black history month events at work despite that not being my job. I "get it " but that doesn't make it not hurt. And it's even worse when sometimes past the basics of " this is just messed up people in a messed up world trying to fumble their way through. To be told it's my fault or justified because "well people like you..."

[@AngelSaintCloud]

I'm bad at explaining but as a black man (25) I've noticed that I'm usually treated like a woman. In every facet people treat me as if I don't know anything and are explaining it to me as if it were the first time, any accomplishments that I've ever had are met with the same acknowledgment that you would give to a child apprentice. I feel entirely alone in this because it's really shitty to be alienated by men and women alike but then to be told there's issues people have that I can totally relate to but then I'm shoved to the side. It's hard to emphasize when I'm rarely treated as a human and more recently treated as a threat because of social media and things beyond my control. It just really bothers me to be patronized by everyone who thinks of me as lesser or like some kind of animal. The unsolicited advice is even worse to be reminded that I need to be positive or optimistic as if I'm not or the fact that I have human emotions that affect my overall outlook on life is a sign that I'm enabling people to give me advice. After watching this video. I'm going to keep fighting against the narcissism and patronizing behavior of the sexes. I'll take my wins were I can and hope to build a better future where people don't have to go through this. I appreciate all my exceptions to rule (friends of all different walks of life) Ps. Thanks burger I actually learned a lesson about toxic masculinity and I wouldn't want to be reduced to my value to the machine as much as I wouldn't want to value women only by there use. I have alot to learn appreciate ya 💜

[@johnElden8760]

try finding more right wing or unpolitical friends. not everyone is racist but being antiracist is just a form of racism

[@vokkera6995]

@@johnElden8760bro what are you waffling on about (also that is hugely horrible advice)

[@johnElden8760]

@@vokkera6995 nice argument, im convinced

[@Petsmenagerie]

I relate to you. I am fucking done with goddamn humans, bro. Just let me die alone with my cats. I’ll take a pet polar bear with that.

[@Ok-df1uz]

​​@@Petsmenagerie Im sorry you feel that way, cats are lovely tho, my neighbours are currently sheltering a litter. They are 2 kittens, one orange and the other of a calico colour. Thought youd like to hear that.

[@InvasorJim101]

He's back! I came for the WOD content and stayed for everything else, including learning about men's issues. Thanks for also covering women's side.

[@cat4laugh]

This is an absolute treasure trove for advice that my younger self would have needed but had to learn on his own... It is also a treasure trove of phrases for a YTP I am itching to make one now..

[@ayesaac]

The characterization of how men and women lived historically, particularly as much as '10,000 years ago', is just false. You could make an argument it's a reasonable, if hyperbolic, description of late Roman and beyond Western Europe, but if we're talking broad strokes like 10,000 years nondescript location, no, absolutely not. Women were not seen as only good for making babies and doing house work for the vast majority of recorded history in most places. Where circumstances allowed, where one person in a family was able to stay home to raise children, it would be the woman, but not because 'lol that's all women are good for, ' but because it was the only choice. Breastfeeding is a thing, and historically it was done for much longer than 6-12 months. Women in most places for most of history worked, be it alongside their husbands and children in the field, in everyday jobs which still exist like service industries, or in skilled trades, or as merchants. In ancient Egypt, early Rome, and much of the world, excepting different regions of Europe and the Middle East for different periods, thanks to the influence of Christianity and later Islam, where there was a formal concept approximating marriage, women were able to unilaterally leave it. The main exception, and pretty much the entire reason for the myths around how people used to live, because history, particularly pop history, tends to focus almost exclusively on them, being the wealthy upper echelons of society. For those few, not working was a privilege, and, to be frank, extended to men equally. Noblemen didn't go hunting and play at swords to feed the family and defend their homes. They did it for fun. Otherwise, good video.

[@person1858]

Yo thanks man. As a young man, I've got to say, this sort of content really helps.

[@otakunemesis34]

that is really a symptom of a fear of lacking social resources and skills to survive as a group because more is better in a dangerous world.

[@dunadan1995]

This is an awesome video. The discourse around the question is unfathomably dumb(the tree thing is kinda hilarious though), but the thing that I’ve personally got out of the whole debacle is that it’s damn hard to keep women’s feelings in mind when you don’t have a lot of experience actually talking to women about their personal lives, and I’ll be honest - men aren’t conditioned to talk about that shit with ANYONE (including their immediate family) other than in the context of “oh yeah, I get laid a lot”. As an example of this - my best friend separated from his wife and we learned about that randomly, cause a girlfriend of a different guy from our friend group reached out to *my best friend’s wife* and that’s how the news got out. He was living away from his wife in a different place for about a month before I heard anything about this. That’s my best friend - he was so shook by the situation that he tried an alcoholic drink for the first time despite being a complete teetotaller his entire life. And he never mentioned this whole thing happened until I explicitly asked him about it despite us having numerous conversations in that period of time. And this is normal for us guys. Empathy is hard, and with how men are expected to act - a lot of us cannot even fathom why the bear seems like a better option for some women. I genuinely hope this video reaches its intended audience and changes at least someone’s mind.

[@barsik1989]

this is not normal for us guys, who the hell conditions you to be like that

[@dunadan1995]

@@barsik1989 he’s been brought up in a deeply religious Muslim family(which made him a stout atheist), and his father figure was an incredibly strict grandad, who instilled in him an almost militaristic discipline and sense of, like Burger said here, “honour in serving one’s purpose”. So you can imagine how deeply a divorce hurts and quite literally disgraces a person with that kind of upbringing. It’s an over exaggerated example of course, but in my experience dudes in general are very reluctant to share what’s going on in their personal lives even with their closest friends.

[@barsik1989]

@@dunadan1995 my experience with dudes has been completely different, I've helped friends through incredibly tough stages in life where they felt alone because they kept opening up. I've also seen my wife going through crisis of faith when her female friends kept abandoning her for no good reason when she really needed help and support. It seems like the whole notion of "men don't open up" and "men's friendships are superficial and not emotional" has become some sort of a truism at this point and people don't really challenge the notion because of course men are emotionally stunted subhuman creatures with no empathy, how else can it be, right?

[@dunadan1995]

@@barsik1989 yeah, I can only speak for myself. Maybe it’s just my circle of friends(and family for that matter), maybe it’s better elsewhere. But it’s really hard in general to get some of my friends to open up about how they feel and that goes for me too. In my personal experience, it’s not universal, but it’s not uncommon either.

[@BurningTNT]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@barsik1989​​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠ I think we go back to what he said at the start of the video - this does not speak to all women’s experience and can not, because of course it can’t. We can analyse how trends shape wider society and discourse but there will always be substantial exceptions If you’ve been in a place to help friends through those kinds of emotionally difficult times then I’d say that means either you’re friends are more emotionally open - something which should be healthy but sounds like they’ve been punished for (which is kind of the root of the issue isn’t it - those who are emotionally open get taught by negative experiences to close up), or it’s because you are a close enough friend and empathetic person that they trust you with those emotional struggles. Both can be true of course. I had a… formative? I guess? Experience when I was still in school, not long before going to uni. Someone I saw once a week that I had started to become friends with in the last few months confided in me that they were trans - something which they hadn’t told their close (all male) friends who were also there, and had an extremely negative reaction from their parents. They weren’t even sure why they felt comfortable telling me, at the time a guy (lol took me long enough to figure that wasn’t true) like their friends that they were closer with. I didn’t know why either. I’m not sure I do now, but I took it as a sign that however I was presenting myself socially it was in a way that made others feel “safe” sharing deeply important emotional experiences and that I should try and maintain that. Maybe it was neurodivergence, I feel like that frequently causes people to experience these social phenomena very differently. But the point is - if you have friends who’ll share their fears and stresses with you and rely on you for support then it may be because of you - that you are reliable and supportive and give them that solidarity when it’s lacking in others they know. And that the support you provide helps prevent them closing up from the external pressure for doing so

[@0hate9]

honestly, one of the few (or possibly only) things I regret about transitioning to a woman is that I can't participate in the men's side of repairing this. keep up the good work.

[@andreaslind6338]

You can still help, so many men don't even know that they are hurting, and just act out. You also have a uniquely broad perspective since you have been both, quite apart from not fighting the good fight, we need people like you more than ever, and you could do some real good.

[@h.w.4482]

lol transitioned to a woman but still has the video up on their channel with the title "nigga"

[@CD-zd6zr]

As far as the compliment thing, the best advice I've heard is "Compliment something that they chose to do, not something they have no choice over". This goes for both men and women. So compliment their clothes, hairstyle, eye makeup, or that they did something well. Don't compliment their eyes, legs, face, height, etc.

[@Araman-vu2dj]

I'm a 21 year old guy and this video cleared up many vague concepts for me. Thank you for creating such a great video.

[@Bob-lr2xp]

The male equivalent to the bear meme would be: "Men, would you rather open up your feelings to a woman or a tree?"

[@brassviking486]

Kind of. I've heard it before but I think there has got to be a better example out there.

[@brightspear]

​@@brassviking486One that came to mind for me was "Men would rather do X/fight a bear than go to therapy".

[@principleshipcoleoid8095]

Not really. In the bear thing women chose to die rather than be with a random man in woods.. Well alarming amount of unsilent women. Tree is just about not catching the ick or being mocked. Stakes are different

[@snorpenbass4196]

@@principleshipcoleoid8095 ...except it's a bit...trickier than that. Suicide rates among (cis)men are higher than among (cis)women. This is in very large parts because society as currently constructed would rather men die than be open with emotions. Toxic masculinity isn't just named so because it makes you toxic, it's also named that because it poisons you, often to death.

[@brassviking486]

@@brightspear could be. It still feels like more of a dig at men and not universal enough.

[@whiskeypunch8012]

I saw the title and thought: Damn, someone made a serious philosophical video on Fallout New Vegas......

[@GigiBranconi]

Again Because by god it wouldn't be the first time xD

[@togotfury]

Women have made it very clear they want nothing to do with me so i respect their wishes and stay away from them. Its frustrating when i hear women complain about men not approaching them, but i know they dont mean men like me.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

Have you no respect for yourself? It's not all about them, you matter too. You should be able to have a partner in your one life, you were born to this world.

[@togotfury]

@@AlexisTheDragon when men think we should have something, women call us entitled. What's the point of bothering someone who doesn't want to talk to me?

[@culturedperson4939]

​@@AlexisTheDragonYou got me in tears with those words Thank you

[@Hypnobong]

⁠​⁠@@togotfury there are billions of humans, and there are people out there who would want to have you as well. To have love is to accept the risk of being hurt. Be it rejection or an awkward encounter, you have to try if you want it. Unless something is very wrong, there’s no harm in trying.

[@corneliusagrippa4613]

I'm so glad this exists! Men and women shouldn't be at this point. We are being divided by those in power to prevent unity which leads to the majority taking back their power. Trust me on this. Class matters more than anything.

[@johnElden8760]

its not that easy, women(on average, before everyone purposefully misunderstands) want men that are more powerful than them and dont respect men with less status than themselves, so now that women are put on a pedestal everywhere, thy are simultaneoulsy at their most arrogant hand have the lowest self worth, they spit on 90% of men. but the thing is in and out of a relationship only they have the power to change this situation. guess what, only a tiny fraction of women even see through the "men bad" and those will just find the best men out there because they offer something special: seeing their SO as a human being enough rambling, my point is men are not going to change because 95% of them are never seen as men and have no power to change anything and if women were going to step up because it is in their hands only now, they would have already done so. on the big scale this, however will be irrelevant. birth rates so low, the west is literally imploding and you might as well convert to islam because the califate is coming and already dominating at schools because of demographics alone.

[@masscreationbroadcasts]

The division in question... Is caused by biology, and it exists across any class.

[@brightspear]

​​@@masscreationbroadcastsI respectfully disagree. Having more resources in one's childhood environment means a greater chance of getting your needs met, having access to education about the shit systems we live in, and potentially, more power and resources to do something to change it. In a more equal society where all groups can feel secure and safe in voicing their unique experiences, the biological differences can be more easily accommodated, as opposed to gender segregation. There's more opportunities for open dialogues, which removes many barriers over perceived divisions over things people think are unbridgeable - but that's only because many people nowadays have their hands full trying to survive in the systems we have. It should go without saying that the powers that be don't have a vested interest in unity and solidarity among the masses who've been fucked over by their scams and stupidity.

[@masscreationbroadcasts]

@@brightspear You disagree... without understanding what I'm saying. Amazing. So you have a rich man and a rich woman, they have the same distinction as a poor man and a poor woman, to simplify things for you.

[@brightspear]

@@masscreationbroadcasts that distinction being?

[@edyknight9218]

God that period description is hilarious and accurate.

[@CandyThePuppy]

Ikr. I've literally thrown up from the pain alone. Several times.

[@DahVoozel]

You know what, imma finish my shower and com le back cuz I think this is going to need my full attention.

[@sk4dic]

I really love your social commentaries. I've been thinking about this bear conversation for a while now and haven't really been able to come to a firm conclusion or understand it fully. Even though I don't really claim to understand it fully now, you gave me a perspective that I can get behind better. Great video once again!

[@thebreadbringer]

I'm not sure if it's because I was kind of half-listening to this video, but a lot of what was said here felt really out of place among your other content. It felt like I was just constantly bashed over the head with the most basic "don't be a weird creep to women" rhetoric possible. It's just something most dudes are going to feel inherently hostile to. It's like if every time you went to buy dog food, the cashier told you, "Remember not to abuse your dog!", the notion that the person telling you this thinks you need to hear it is insulting. I'll relisten to the video again tomorrow to be sure I get the whole gist, but for the most part, it feels very off.

[@andordimeny6130]

As a man, in my experience, many men really, REALLY need to hear "don't be a weird creep to women" more often. If you don't even think about abusing your dog, the cashier telling you "don't abuse your dog" just sounds like a general good advice that you are already following. We have a saying in my language. "If it ain't your shirt, why wear it?" as in, "if it's not about you, why be offended?". If you're not a weird creep to women, why be angry about people calling out men who are weird creeps to women?

[@YouthRightsRadical]

@@andordimeny6130 In my experience, being offended by people treating you like a monster is perfectly normal behavior for non-monsters. The fact that you and those like you keep making this miserable excuse for such base prejudice is absolutely disgusting.

[@andordimeny6130]

@@YouthRightsRadical Its not a prejudice, it's personal trauma. And if you don't want to be stereotype then simply don't be the stereotype. This is not about you.

[@andordimeny6130]

@@YouthRightsRadical Also "people like me". Did I mention I'm a man? Did I mention I ALSO experienced everything you're trying to explain to me? I don't blame women. If I walk behind a woman on the street at night, I stop for a few seconds to look at my phone or change to the other side of the crosswalk because I KNOW she might think bad otherwise. And I know it's not my fault, and I know it's not her fault. It's the fault of toxic masculinity, the men who commit 80% of violent crimes, the man who rape, the men who are the reason that the leading cause of death among pregnant women is murder. I am not those men, and I do everything in my power to make women around me know that. Because it's not about me, it's about them. Can you say the same about yourself?

[@YouthRightsRadical]

@@andordimeny6130 I very much cannot say the same. I got over being a cowering quisling apologizing for my existence a very long time ago. And what does you being a man have to do with anything? I am disgusted by you making excuses for base prejudice. That is not a gendered trait.

[@bobross5438]

Being dark-skinned + amab, I can *understand* why cashiers would keep an eye on me when I was walking through stores as a raggy teenager - more than just "understand", I can *empathize* with it since my parents owned a shitty cornerstore in a sketchy area that was their life for a while. People can't afford to be so considerate when the stakes are their own survival in a dog-eat-dog world, I don't blame anyone for basic pattern-recognition instincts. But that didn't make it any less hurtful when I was in fucking middle school and had to dump my bag in front of the cashier for him to rummage through, while my friends/peers from school watched (you can imagine how this story would be told through the grapevine, and how parents who got the wrong impression might react to me befriending their children). To this day I feel uncomfortable shopping in expensive places unless I'm dressed well and with white friends, and even then I compulsively feel eyes on me, and on top of that I feel horrible for being so fragile/sensitive about the whole thing. YES I sympathize with the cashier, a few years later I found out he was traumatized/justified in his own right. But fuck anyone who would think less of me, or outright attack/invalidate me, for feeling hurt about it. Same exact thing for this stupid bear discourse and people who go out of their way to tell men we're statistically dangerous (lol) and feeling hurt by this is a sign of fragility/entitlement. Thank god my experience wasn't about police harassment, but it's sad to know others could tell a darker version of this story. Bonus meme, at one point I lived in a very Jewish town, and I know exactly how some people would answer "would you rather be in the woods with a bear or a muslim". Even if their answer was motivated by literal hate crimes (plural!), it's funny to imagine the response in this climate.

[@Awaken_To_0]

There's a Bible verse I like. Ephesians 6:12: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." We need to do a better job at times at focusing on the problems being systems of thought and patterns of behavior. Not individual people. Thanks for your previous response by the way, and the expounding upon it.

[@lorkhanlives8611]

I just realized Burger is the only male content creator in my feed that can post a ‘man explaining women’ video that I don’t just immediately dismiss as more Andrew Tate story hour bullshit. Come for the lore videos, stay for the social commentary.

[@Aerlas]

So about that female support network. That doesn’t always happen. Sure it happens significantly more than it does between guys, but our society is becoming more antisocial as far as in person interactions are concerned. As for internet interactions… have you seen the internet? You’re more likely to run across assholes than you are to run across genuinely supportive people. To further complicate things those support networks still tend to exclude folks. Also on the bear discourse bears aren’t nearly as dangerous as city dwellers think. I say this as someone who was in scouts in my youth and currently live in the sticks. Bears weren’t terribly uncommon then and are a very common sight now. You just need to know how to read them, or if you want to take a proactive approach know how to spook them off (Loud noises, bright flashing lights, etc. Bear spray only works in the moment, when it dries the smell can instead attract bears.). I’ve only come across a defensive bear once and that was because she had cubs with her. She didn’t attack, but she did give a warning growl. Polar Bears, on the other hand, are a different beast entirely and are locked to an ever shrinking habitat that I have thankfully never been in.

[@suddensilence9736]

wow, didn't expect this to be so insightful. thank you for making this video

[@Osterbaum]

Besides "monstrous" men, a lot of "decent" men (myself included, I speak from exeprience here) may also commit acts that are harmful or wrong etc. out of a mix of ignorance, undeveloped empathy or emotional skills and a myriad of other factors. So unfortunately as society currently stands in how we educate people and raise children into adults creates a situation where you can't always trust 100% for a "good person" to always act well.

[@andybreadley429]

Yeah, it's always a man who needs to be "corrected", nice. Good to see people demonizing us more while pretending to be helpful.

[@oriondye3212]

Ya but the salient factor here is that you are a man and therefore all your problems are YOUR problems and you are expected to deal with them yourself and bring any problematic behavior back into compliance with society’s expectations or else.

[@nineonine9082]

Women also need to learn how to stop manipulating men, they may not be doing it on purpose. You can never trust someone 100%

[@bobby2bend]

I feel like we all have a bit of internalized patriarchy we gotta shake off a bit, men and women alike, and it's ok as long as we are capable of recognizing and addressing these long-instilled societal biases

[@ExeErdna]

@@bobby2bend Yet all patriarchy is just leadership. It isn't gendered it's class based and a lot of us aren't in that class. So a lot of our people are because people keep getting duped by those in higher class. Then they enforce conditions that make lower classes act out. This is why racism is so bad due to conditions enabling the confirmation of bigotry. This is also why sexism is just as bad enable the conditions to where women and men have a reason to buttheads and boom sexism.

[@DiscipleofWrex]

I may not always agree with the detail of the points you make, but I trust and respect your intentions and the spirit in which you tackle topics like this. Have a good one

[@SDM-Zone]

I agree with most things, its good to hear that the true crime stuff is clearly fear based mind control. I've been saying this for a while and everyone either thinks, 1. I'm a murderer but also intimidated by women who know anti murdering tips and tricks. Or 2. I'm a sexist because I think a woman hobby is bad. My difference is I think asking men to defend women like we even share social spaces that often at all at this point is just silly. Most men are emotionally stunted, struggle to tell emotions on strangers faces and aren't confident. Men shouldn't be expected to be volunteer bouncers if things go wrong in social spaces. If you are man and want to do these things out of kindness, then do so, but not out of obligation.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

Most women watch true crime because they think it's hot.

[@GigiBranconi]

​@@AlexisTheDragonUhhhh. No. Most women ate interested in true crime because knowing patterns helps reduce risk.

[@n0etic_f0x]

One thing for the title. I note a lot of men will say "Why is a woman scared if they come up on me while hiking/camping?" and good but in that case you are not a random person you are supposed to be in the woods. Rethink the question, a man comes from nowhere and is just dressed like he is going to work, not like he has a backpack or tent or something.

[@principleshipcoleoid8095]

What? A random man in the woods is supposed to have a fucking backpack. That's where a lot of his important stuff is. Like food and water. Or is it a shapeshifting skinwalker? Is that the implication?

[@n0etic_f0x]

@@principleshipcoleoid8095 Nope a random person in the woods is there for a reason. A reason is not random. If you walk into a random room and find 30 kid and two people who are not their parents… weird. If it’s a school not so much.

[@principleshipcoleoid8095]

@@n0etic_f0x well I sometimes walk into woods for a walk. And the shade is nice. It's less hot there. So there are good reasons to be there. To "touch grass"

[@n0etic_f0x]

@@principleshipcoleoid8095 Do you not take food and water? At least like running clothes. I do that too but I don’t tend to look like I just came from work.

[@ExeErdna]

@@n0etic_f0x you're not gonna be there long that's why you don't take food and water. Most men know it's better to wear longer clothing in the wood because of tick and other bugs. Plus what kinda of work you thinking of? If they're in the woods with a white button up, slacks and dress shoes YEAH that's weird. Yet jeans, some shirt, jacket and sneakers/boots. That isn't weird that's paranoia

[@principleshipcoleoid8095]

The bear thing is insulting men, abusing men or trying to get men to fight each other to find the one good man that protects women, unlike the other less than 0.38% of men who would hurt someone else criminally

[@lucassevey5989]

Completely missing the entire point of the bear is predictable I know a bear will attack and kill me a man on the other hand you have no idea they could just be pretending to be a good person

[@barsik1989]

@@lucassevey5989 yeah getting killed is preferable to taking a gamble on a man, spot on!

[@Xedhadeaus]

@@lucassevey5989 But... if you would just assume the worst of a man you'd still have a better chance of survival... So if you expect the bear to kill you, why choose the bear and die, rather than choose the man and just assume he might attack? You'd rather die instead of maybe die? That's crazy, bro.

[@lucassevey5989]

@@Xedhadeaus no because the worst the bear can do is kill me a man could do a lot worse

[@Xedhadeaus]

@@lucassevey5989 What is so special about you that you think every man would want to do that? If I was trapped in the woods I'd want to get home, I don't care who was with me. But it is nice to know that you'd rather die than be stuck with some random guy... there was some video earlier about some girls fawning over some white supremacist that got the death penalty after strangling two women to death... It might seem awful to ask, but would you pick a guy like him because your chances of death are just as high if not higher than the bear?

[@kingcrowbro2486]

1:04:20 Hm...don't know about that one Boss. I've been thinking for a while now that us guys just exiting civilization and going to live deep in the mountains as lonely hermits would be a net gain for all of us, and the Bear Discourse has really locked that perspective in. In the interest of clarity; that was a joke.

[@The2012Aceman]

I often hear it said that we shouldn't blame women for seeing every man as a potential danger. After all, it is possible. But I feel the question should become: if you actually believe that all men are that dangerous, and if you actually believe danger is that probable, then why would you want to be in Society in the first place? Half of that Society is full of potential killers, and you believe them to be potential killers. Do you like danger, or do you not ACTUALLY think that half the world is a potential danger?

[@zacharybosley1935]

​@The2012Aceman how easy is it to utterly divest from society?

[@The2012Aceman]

@@zacharybosley1935 Very difficult, since humans are social creatures and will just reform mini-societies. But if someone truly believed that every single man they encounter walking down the sidewalk or driving by is a potential threat... I'm just not sure if you could remain sane having to deal with that all the time. You'd have to think that at least SOME of them are decent since they are currently killing you. Hell, maybe even MOST of them are decent since you don't see them going around killing others. Maybe even the VAST MAJORITY of them are decent considering that you'll likely call in a man to take out another man acting aggressively. But those aren't the ones that are memorable. and the problematic ones are who these women are actually speaking to. But wait: if it is okay to say ALL MEN, why is it so wrong to say ALL WOMEN? When men are venting about women, surely women can understand that he's probably just talking about a problematic woman, and not ALL of them as potential threats. I mean, that would be misogynist! Essentially I'm just tired of the hyperbole in modern society, so I'm calling it out. These women aren't afraid of men, they are afraid of predators. As are we all.

[@GigiBranconi]

​@@zacharybosley1935Exactly. We live in a society, if we want to or not. Normal humans need jobs, food, shelter, etc. And that requires society.

[@zeroexea]

How in the world are you surrounded by people that are more likely to stop a fight between two dudes than to stop a sexual assault situation?! Is it because you have such a vague and easy to meet sexual assault definition? That is the only answer I can come up with because no one I know is going to interrupt a dude giving a girl a compliment that might have a sexual charge but absolutely everyone I know will start a fight with a dude because they're harassing a woman especially if it involves physical touch before they'd ever intervene in a fight between two dudes. They would sit back with popcorn with the two dudes.

[@Zancibar]

It's about knowing when and if it happens. Sexual assault doesn't just happen, it has setup (drugging the victim, isolating them, trying to be subtle and playing dumb if it's found out, etc). Two dudes fighting is a situation that usually pops out of the blue, sexual assault is usually premeditated. If the victim is already drugged and isolated then there's no way you'll even find out about it until it's too late, the difficulty lies in detecting the setup before or as it's happening.

[@zeroexea]

@@Zancibar That makes sense although the way he said it was as though people around him just let it happen while those same people stop fighting between two dudes

[@YouthRightsRadical]

@@zeroexea That is precisely what he was saying. It is tone deaf, but he's clearly been through a rough patch and isn't thinking too clearly at the moment.

[@Xedhadeaus]

I think the respect part is a little bit different. I know for me the idea of asking a girl about something she has on or shows interest in is to see how interested in it she is... hear me out. People can play games and say they play games... Which games? Cinematic hold forward and press X games? Phone games? Farm games? Sim games. Do they have a Shady hoodie on because they like Eminem, or do they like more artists than that. They say they play Yu-Gi-Oh!, but do they only like it before they changed stuff, do they only like the anime and not the cards, or the anime and not the games in respect to Pokemon? Being asked these kinds of questions shouldn't really be seen as disrespectful as it's basically just a time saver for guys so they don't spend all day yapping about a thing and then find out that the other person is sort of milquetoast about it. I guess you can equate it to women asking guys what they do for work before they even get a name out of you, it's clearly important enough to them to want to know that about you before they even know who you are.

[@bencebenedek2610]

When talking about women's safety net you forgot to talk about dark triad personalities and how even one of them can screw up a whole group. Same for men. In leadership it's even worse for every sex conaidering that dark triad people can crawl up the ladder much easier than others.

[@Petsmenagerie]

Triad?

[@VVabsa]

​@@Petsmenagerie The red pill equalivent of social skills and personality traits that make others trust you more easily.

[@ExeErdna]

@@VVabsa It isn't red pill is litteral psychology it's the dark triad women use on us we simply shown them the same abyss and they're blinked too. Narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellanism are human aspects that reward people in certain parts of the social web way.

[@VVabsa]

@@ExeErdna Thanks for proving my point.

[@YouthRightsRadical]

@@VVabsa Dark Triad was a well established term in psychology for decades before red pill types decided that these were the only men women voluntarily had sex with. Don't let them own the entire english language. Push back.

[@IronGoddessOfMercy]

Thank you very much for posting this. You are making the world a better place. Thank you.

[@soupens]

Lord Burger, I never ever comment, but just wanted to say I appreciate your videos immensely. I'm almost 30, have a job and a fiance and always thought I knew it all about men and women; "yeah sure it's not perfect but hey it is what it is". I would always laugh this stuff off when it would be contrary to the norm, call it progressive or liberal gobbledygook, etc. Your video on defining the patriarchy opened my eyes to this whole world. I feel like the only people attempting to espouse these beliefs I've met in person weren't really great at explaining these things to a straight man with little understanding of what it's like to be a woman or really anything but a straight guy. You put it so clearly and honestly I was able to let go of a lot of the toxic sludge I kept inside of me because of, well, how we men are raised. And for the first time I feel like I could begin to understand what things were like for the women in my life instead of just shrugging my shoulders and chalking it up as a mystery of the other gender. I think I'm not alone in feeling this way. Any time you release a video like this, I'm always going to watch it. Thanks for putting your words out there brother. Much appreciation from CA.

[@Lake_Lebarge]

"the warrior kills and dies" so fucking cool

[@whatslife7512]

Most men in our generation arnt like this. I hate getting judged based off the downfalls of our elders.

[@SangoProductions213]

In essence: It's a miscalibrated fear response. Fear level towards [random man] is set abnormally high, while fear level towards [fluffy animal that will in no way dismember me as I am eaten alive] is set abnormally low. We can talk about the reasons for this miscalibration, but that's the long and short of it.

[@VoicedNat]

Now, why is fear towards men so high?

[@SangoProductions213]

@@VoicedNat Well, there's this relatively recent ideology that demonizes men and, for one reason or another, sets up its view of civilization as a struggle between the two instead of.... you know... literally being impossible without the two coming together, in an unbroken, billion-year-long chain of mutual couplings. That's kinda how life works. But, ideology and reality don't always coincide. This along with how the majority who respond to the meme have never seen a bear in their life, except *maybe* in a video.... well, when you come face-to-face with a half-ton killing machine, you will definitely have a better calibration for what the proper response to it is.

[@memesterjohnson4096]

​@VoicedNat probably because all men are presumed to be rapist, murders, cannibals and so on. it is really disturbing how these women seem to think.

[@oriondye3212]

@@VoicedNatbecause we live in a society that heavily exaggerates the negative aspects of men.

[@VVabsa]

​@@oriondye3212 It doesn't help that the actual toxic men are capitalizing on the discussion to show 'how bad women really are'.

[@markbenand]

One of my ex-girlfriends said something to me that made me confused but now after watching this video makes sense. She said one of the things she liked about me was she felt safe around me. I'm pretty certain that I am demi-sexual to a degree and can't find it in myself to be intimate unless I have a personal connection to my partner. I suppose that's why I never came across as threatening, because I never put out those, "I wanna screw you now vibes" and why women in general seem comfortable to talk to me. Never got that until now.

[@Hamak_Hamleta]

Everytime a new video pops up I get excited like a little boy ❤

[@Raven_Frame]

My two cents before getting into the video proper is that I believe the question would be more useful if it was "Would you prefer to be alone and lost in the woods, or be in the woods with a man." I know that isn't quite as catchy as the contrast with a bear. But I believe it digs closer to the core of the issue.

[@noahdigit430]

So are men perceived as like... eldritch horrors?

[@Linwe1000]

As a woman, I’ll say this it’s more like when you’re at the zoo standing in front of a caged predator one that wakes up that little part of your primitive brain that says you’re in danger but you quickly shut it down inside of 30 seconds because well the creature is caged and it’s fed and it’s not going to hurt you But there’s still that part of you that knows that if it got out and it was hungry, you absolutely would be on the menu. And we are raised to keep that voice in the back of our head in mind at all times whenever anything with a penis is present because that individual could turn dangerous at any time could turn predatory, as much as we like to see the sexes as equal to one another, and as much as we push for that, there is still the underlying fact undeniable and ever present in the back of our minds that biological males are bigger and stronger and if they want, they can take what they want. And that lives with us every day all day all the time whenever we walk down the street or walk through a grocery store it’s always back there. That Tiny little voice keeping our guard up.

[@saerain]

They're perceived the way religions have portrayed them for centuries to millennia and it went straight into this media culture. Misandry ancient. Feminists will repeat variations on "men are afraid of being rejected, women are afraid of being killed" no matter how statistically clear it is that the fear is completely miscalibrated with reality and women should, by the numbers, be the most fearless people in society. 🤷 Brains funny. Ideologies, too.

[@noahdigit430]

@@Linwe1000 That sounds downright terrible. I am sorry to hear that.

[@theloneshadow3969]

More like unpredictable animals that can be chill one moment and turn on you the next. With everyone around you shrugging and being like, "Well its in a man's instincts to sexually attack you," like you guys aren't really thinking beings. We don't really get angry with animals because we don't expect them to know better, same with men.

[@SynetheSage]

​@@Linwe1000 All of that is sexist and dehumanizing. Men who were raised to view women as inferior sex objects have a responsibility to grow past their prejudice. Women who were raised to view men as morally inferior beasts have the same responsibility. We never say "but women need to try and understand why Johnathan views women like they're little more than fuckmeat". So we shouldn't say "but men just need to understand why Susan views men as animalistic predators waiting for an opportunity to strike".

[@andythedestro12]

I feel like some men are way too lost in the sauce for this video(looking at the comments) but i think genuinely lots of young men especially around high school age NEED to see this video. Like deadass, that could help with a whole lotta misery and pain for young men before they get lost in the sauce like the guys on here malding. Also "predators know what theyre doing is wrong and you having an eye on the situation is enough to deter them" is 100% true. Funny story, i did that at a club. I spotted a dude creeping on a coworker who was part of a group i went out with and was able to get between then and her and the guy fucked off and full on left shortly afterwards.

[@Xedhadeaus]

I don't really see too much malding as much as I just see personal testimonials that aren't disagreeing with him, but adding meat to the skin he's describing.

[@YouthRightsRadical]

I am not interested in absorbing violence for you. The sort of men who are actually dangerous to women are also dangerous to men. Despite what society tells you, men are not invulnerable superhumans. So no, I'm not going to put my life on the line for some random stranger. Especially not when that sort of white knighting is more likely to end with the girl teaming up with the misogynistic asshole and helping him beat the guy that tried to help her to death than it is to end with the misogynist actually prevented from doing harm. After all, you don't know me. At least she knows what kind of ass the creepy misogynist is. As a strange man, I'm more dangerous than a bear, so of course she would team up with the actual human being she was already interacting with against the greater threat that's just approached.

[@JayFLopez]

The craziest thing that has happened to me since transitioning is people going from respecting my opinions in my field when I was less knowledgeable, to respecting the LESS when I know a lot more, just because I am now a woman

[@NIL0S]

☕ Was married to one for like, 7 years. Close friends for about 10. We had a good run. But then it kind of became super toxic. She suddenly wanted kids, stopped taking birth control without telling me, and what sealed it, the cherry on top, she started sleeping around, lol. Now I'm sort of done. Feels like "been there, done that". When I was younger I used to suffer a lot from loneliness, wondering if I would ever find my soulmate, etc. Now I'm a lot more relaxed about it. Being single is great, I have a lot of freedom and get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's also financially more convenient. I'm not closed to the idea of finding another partner, but to be honest, I find relationships are overrated.

[@Xedhadeaus]

Sorry about your marriage man. I wonder how much women like that would care if equal investments were required from them. It's a lot easy to not care about things if you get in for free... Clubs, dating arrangements, dining and some relationships typically require no investment in both parties. Yes women wear make up, nice clothes, accessorize etc, but when the date goes bad, she doesn't lose any of it. She's not down assets, food money, drink money, and thinking about what other more practical things that money could have been used for. Of course the world wants you to keep doing it, because the only one who loses is the guy.

[@NIL0S]

@@Xedhadeaus I'm not really into feminist theory, but if we want to appropriate it for us men, this sort of expectation to be a selfless provider, is a form of patriarchy. It's also up to us guys to break our societal mold, and maybe start expecting our prospective partners to carry their own weight. Not that I think there's something necessarily wrong with traditional gender roles, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. If there's no reciprocity, then there should at least be equality, like you say, otherwise relationships make little sense anymore. But in my case I think the breakup was mostly due to a lack of communication, and eventually, sadly, common sense.

[@VVabsa]

Sounds like you had a bad wife. Luckily she ain't the only woman on the planet.

[@katarzynakowalska6793]

​@@XedhadeausAs a woman and a feminist, I wanted to say, that I never expect the guy to pay for me on dates. I often explain it and either everyone pays for themself or we share. This custom made sense when women weren't working and therefore making money and when financial responsibility in marriage used to be on men. So paying for women used tobe the way to show them, that you can provide financially. Nowadays both parties can work and pay, so imo it shouldn't be a custom expected from anyone.

[@catbiscuits4424]

Underappreciated video.

[@TheORealWitch]

As a female viewer of yours, I greatly appreciate this video, and the research that you've put into it. Thank you. I've sent your jokes to my friends, and I even teared up during the last segment. Thank you for a lot of good points that I can finally use when I debate with others about this. Since I've mostly heard overly feminist statements, that I've already bored of, and don't feel like an adequate answer in most cases, now I've heard some simple, logical and effective explanations for some things. You've explained perfectly the issues women feels. And it's always reassuring to hear these things (and feeling being understood) from a man's mouth. Women can come across sooo many (even if it's innocent) shit takes, that you might believe it is impossible to understand each other, or that every man are like that (which is also a toxic worldview).

[@demo0831]

Burgerkrieg I cant believe it, youve gone video essayist

[@hawkswordzero2206]

Fantastic content, though what the hell is that transition noise? It sounds like the old progression sound from MechQuest and AdventureQuest. Am I crazy?

[@emsp2304]

Sounds like it’s from The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. It accompanies a title card at the beginning of each new day: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZa7do16e5h6a6csi=0wrGdRd_OB68OnXM

[@EksaStelmere]

I've never met someone who calls herself a feminist who also doesn't hate me despite me having barely spoken to her, so forgive me for assuming that feminism just makes women miserable. The only effect it's had on my life is that I'm not allowed to mind my own business.

[@Takisan111]

Feminism isn't inherently a bad thing. At its core, it's seeking fairness in a system that historically didn't see women as average people. The problem is the type of feminism that one subscribes to. Much like religion, you will find different sects and generations of feminism that range from understandable and rational to "How the hell are you able to function in the real world?" 3rd wave in particular has a nasty reputation that most people avoid like the plague due to how vile they treat other humans, including other women they consider "gender traitors". There is no one size fits all for this label so it's kinda pointless to claim the whole system is rotten. Any fandom can have a toxic minority.

[@EksaStelmere]

@@Takisan111 I don't think it ever sought fairness, it all feels like propaganda all the way down. You'd be surprised how much my Kenya-loving a*s has been insulted for not towing the line. The nicest people in the USA have been people who don't care about race or sex, because-again-anyone who openly totes that stuff has been toxic. Anecdotal? Sure, but it sure as Hell is a consistent thing that's bugged me as I bounced back and forth between countries. I've learned to not associate this behaviour with the West as a whole, but I've got no trust for feminism specifically-for neither equality nor women. Whatever goodness the movement may have had, it's dead and gone-just like the AAA game industry.

[@matteodelgallo1983]

I wanna say this genuinely, not as a gotcha, it sounds like you haven't met many feminists, or at the very least never had genuine conversations with them. Because outside of the internet, I have yet to meet a real man-hating feminist. Or you know, you're bigoted or shitty and unlikeable in some way, then it's not feminism and this comment would be kind of useless. I hope not though, genuinely

[@EksaStelmere]

@@matteodelgallo1983 Feel free to call me a bigot. I get that just from doing my job, it's lost it's impact.

[@Xedhadeaus]

I personally think it's sad to see that women like that are seeking people to listen and respect them, and not seem to understand that the reason a lot of things have been changing over the years is because men have been listening and respecting their desires. Not hitting on them, assuming they like you, not wanting to be alone with them, Listening to their problems and not offering solutions, marrying less, expecting less, doing less.

[@WandaThePanda]

"a robot that looks hot and aces the turing test" LMAO although it's really depressing, if you think about shite like the orificeDOTai company

[@YouthRightsRadical]

I don't know what's so depressing about that. The whole point of the Turring Test is that passing it means the AI is a person. Honestly, it kind of puts a lie to the idea that men objectify women at all, given the whole point of objectification is "doesn't care about you as a person". If passing a Turring Test is required, it means men actually DO care about their partners and potential partners as people.

[@amanofnoreputation2164]

What other people see: A sexual fetish object. What I see: The only person, my soul, who _never_ treats me like an object; the funnyman who writes stories and jokes for free so they can be exploited for profit and soft power. That's "The Princess."

[@saerain]

Jesus Christ.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

What? Sorry I didn't get that at all.

[@Novictus]

What?

[@TreeHairedGingerAle]

Lots of food for thought here 🤔

[@ringofbrass]

I find that the catcalling i experienced age 12-16 (and please note, i had and still have a baby face) was far more sexually charged/aggressive than the catcalling i got in my 20s(often during this time i was wearing very unflattering and baggy fast food uniforms so ?????). i'm in my 30s now and i rarely leave the house due to health issues, the closest i get is some patronizing and pointed questions about if i'm married/why am i not married/a mother from uber drivers.

[@masscreationbroadcasts]

*Dread* Please tell me you have something worthwhile to say, because this topic blew up about 2 months ago. I will be disappointed if you took two months and you don't have anything more insightful than: "Parents statistically commit more child abuse, so who are you to trust children to their parents" as equivalent to choosing the man. I will count the number of things which I never heard anyone say, and I will count the number of stereotypical answers on both the "obviously women choose bear" and the "what is wrong with women who choose bear" side. Sorry for getting so worked up about this, but this "dilemma" is literally the most clickbait rage bait level of social commentary. (Edit) I am not disappointed. "The bear is dangerous, the man can pretend not to be" is a valuable contribution to the discourse and I haven't heard anyone else mention it. Or at least, not as straightforward. It always took the form of "you don't know which man is dangerous", which is supremely unhelpful, because of its accusatory undertones.

[@Seetor]

You are being very normal

[@mcmakers8850]

Hey man, you doing good?

[@LilFeralGangrel]

I mean, when talking about child abuse it's not only parents, it's mainly people who have easy access to the child. Which is important to keep in mind when in the context of child sexual abuse. The popular narrative that the biggest danger to children is strangers when all evidence points otherwise. So when we talk about social issues keeping track of the statistics and context of that issue is kind of important.

[@masscreationbroadcasts]

@@LilFeralGangrel who said "only"?

[@LilFeralGangrel]

​@@masscreationbroadcasts no one, nor did i imply that anyone did. you're clearly not engaging in good faith so i'll disengage.

[@__-be1gk]

I don't know if you intend this or not but almost all of your videos now just seem to just repeat "Yeah, men have problems, but women's lives are way harder and women go through living hell every day specifically because of men" which just makes me feel bad about being male after watching them

[@andybreadley429]

He is a feminist, so...

[@VoicedNat]

Hey, it's not your fault. I'm a trans woman, every time I see a trans woman being beaten to her grave the responsible for it was a cis man and I live in Brazil, the country that most "unalives" trans people, in a town of which 90% of it's population voted for a far right president. If I'm ever beaten in the street until I "become a statistic" the responsible for it will probably, with a high margin, be a cis man. You in specific aren't at fault but we can't deny that the majority of women that are "unalived" are "unalived" by men. I understand how it feels to be feared, both as a man and as a trans woman, I understand it's not fair to us as individuals. I saw friends of mine having breakdowns because they were abused by men. I understand that being feared isn't good, but what are women supposed to do? Not fear? Be 100% comfortable around men despite what statists tell us? Don't doubt their intentions? Risk? It's not fair, but when a woman is flirting it's her life on the line while for most men they only lose a night of pleasure. It isn't fair, you shouldn't feel bad for being a man, if you are good and aren't only talking to women when you want to hook up most of them will see your goodness, don't give up.

[@nineonine9082]

I imagine it is a very tricky line to balance on, because obviously both sides have issues, if you point to one side, the other side thinks your ignoring or discarding them.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

@@nineonine9082 As a woman I see him doing this. He ain't balancing it at all these days, honestly he should just get off men and women all together and stick to other politics. He's been talking to a bunch of women who've been filling his head with false past stories and fantasies that get them sexually off and he actually thinks it's all real.

[@Swiss816]

Amazing video. Much to ponder. Thank you once again Internet Dad.

[@RilliEki]

Bravo on the video 👏 wholesome stuff. I learned a lot. Awesome 😎

[@Scuba11Steve]

I do question the logic behind being more afraid of people and places you know than strangers/in-public. While more attacks might be successful on unsuspecting people by people they know, that doesn’t actually discount the number of potential attacks that are avoided by defensive behavior. In a sense (though I do not agree with it), you can also see the root of victim blaming in such behavior normally being highly effective (presumably). The whole, “trick me twice and it’s shame on me” thing (though I don’t agree with it) echoes here in that most women experience potential danger a lot and thus there are questions about why they didn’t avoid it. Honestly, the whole thing reminds me of the gun debate in that we will likely never be able to know how many people deter attacks with guns just like we will never know how many women avoid attacks through defensive behavior. I view this much like taking medication for mental health. You don’t stop doing it because it’s working. You aren’t cured of the affliction, just managing it. Suggesting the ‘real’ danger is at home just undercuts the labor of women who have been successful in warding off potential attacks. The true crime community aren’t loons, people really do attack and kill women, particularly from vulnerable backgrounds. Also, thought the comment about suburban white women was uncalled for. It’s an ugly look that is beneath you.

[@ExeErdna]

When it comes to danger women may experience it more yet men think about it more. Especially if we have OCD or some other aspect of the "Tism" we'll notice that somebody was in our space due to esoteric mess we do. Like leaving something in a spot where we KNOW somebody if they got close would move it. That's something we do often and women that pick up defensive measures learn to do. Peace is a proactive thing you must upkeep, women look at true crime like men look at military history.

[@ConquistadoraDeLaEstrella]

the section on Fear really cut close to the bone emotionally, cause that exact fear from coming forward has stopped me from talking about a lot of things that happened to me.

[@theGrabix]

20:00 - "It takes a lot of investment for one woman to build this sort of intimacy with one man". There is this internalized believe of many men. I have(had?) that believe even though i didn't know about it before somebody has told me that such believe exists. Because we believe that not because somebody has told us that with words; entire society tells us that with everything that we see (how people act, what we see in movies). If you are a woman, or a man who doesn't have it that way, just accept that this is true about many men and try to look at them through that lenses; world will make much more sense. Many men believe this: We are allowed to get emotional support/emotional intimacy/closeness/warmth only within a ROMANTIC relationship (ofc. only with a women). I internally believe that; i feel that; absolutely obvious to me. That also often means that men *associate* emotional support WITH romantic interaction. That is - it FEELS romantic to them (if you don't understand how it could feel romantic, just accept that it is that way for many men). That has multiple consequences (mostly miscommunication between men and women) 1. When a straight man (or closeted gay) is given emotional support from another man, he cannot really enjoy it (or maybe he will straight forward reject it) because it feels gay. 2. Sometimes some men tries to reveal their romantic feelings toward a woman *by* emotional support. That often flies above the head of the woman. 3. This one is probably the worst. There is this whole thing with "leading him on". If a woman shows emotional support to such man, he will interpret it as somehow (at least a bit) romantic interaction. These interactions are evidences of romantic interest. Then when he hears "let's just be friends" or "i don't see you that way", he is majorly confused. It seems like some kind-of manipulation: "She was CLEARLY indicating her interest and now she pretends that there is nothing there". This is even worst if that man actually *needs* that emotional support, because when she says "let's just be friends", he will not interpret it as "let it still be exactly as it is", he will think that he was in a slightly-romantic relationship that was giving him access to emotional support that he needed, and now - he thinks - she is offering him just friendship. He thinks about it in context of male friendship. So not only feels tricked and lied to, but also he feels that he is loosing something that he desperately needs. That of course can end up in disastrous miscommunication. This is also play a role with incels (or maybe more: "future incels"). They are often harmed people, such that women often aren't much interested in dating them, but they often interesting in helping them. They see that they suffer and they offer them emotional support. That misunderstanding plays later a role in they believes about women manipulating them etc. (Also the fact that men expect that they can only get emotional support in romantic relationship is quite devastating for incels, because they are clearly people that need some support, but they are convinced that this is something that they need a woman for; and a lot of their emotions are about not being able to find a woman) I would want women not to use that as an discouragement against supporting men. But you need to know that such miscommunication exists. And it would be good if you talk with the man about that. Just tell him something like that: "You know, there is this thing. Many men have been conditioned to believe that they can only get emotional support in romantic relationship and then then confuse emotional support with romantic interest." And then clarify your intentions. Kind of awkward, but will help both of you. Also don't blame men for that miscommunication (neither women), people are allowed to see stuff differently. It is also not something that they do consciously or something contrived, that FEELS absolutely natural and obvious to them. 21:23 - about adding such social mechanism for men. I think many men don't know how to even do that. "I was told women don't like sensitive men" - can help a lot. It helps men to learn how to support each other and it helps women to understand how men feel. (YT). Yes, it is long and a bit awkward, but worth it.

[@YouthRightsRadical]

I think you're underestimating the importance of 2. When men attempt to court women this way and women don't notice it, men both get deeper into emotional attachment than they would have if what they were doing was recognized as courting behavior, so when they are ultimately rejected, it hurts way worse, and this contriubtes to a feeling of being used since he was in fact going above and beyond for her and that fact is not recognized. "Let's just be friends" when said to a man who has been using this sort of courting method actually translates to "I would prefer if you keep investing all this extra time and emotional investment you've been doing so far and not have a romantic relationship with you". And when he doesn't want to keep engaging in courting behavior with a woman who has explicitly rejected him, he is condemned for it because him going above and beyond with emotional support and investment is something he "should just do because he's a decent person, not because he wants to get something out of it". But of course, if he expresses any level of being upset about this, he's obviously "one of those entitled misogynistic incels who's going to go on a shooting spree because random women wouldn't open their legs for him just for being nice".

[@oxymoron500]

Thank you Burger!

[@christojolly5157]

26:55 i like your words funny man

[@rebelfriend5172]

12:00 fuck you mean, this was me after discovering aldi has cheaper takis

[@TheORealWitch]

1:00:11 Also. The many times I've felt ashamed that I saw danger in cases where there was none! The many times I've got spooked by teen boys at night, who was just minding their own ways, listening to music, lost in their worlds while on their way home. It's so embarrassing, and you feel shit. You feel paranoid, and stupid. And it's so hard to get through it. I love John Mullaney's joke about the time he was accidentally chasing a woman, because he assumed she knows the metro is coming, and she thought he was following her. Because that is soo real. I also grief every warm and calm night, when I wish to wander around on the empty streets, when noones around, and it is peaceful.... but I am just so fucking scared to do it. Because if something happens (then it's my fault too). But this feeling can be shared across gender. It can be quite universal.

[@secretname2670]

I don't really know what to think about this, are people really that secluded to not be able to even go out and talk to others? Are men really this secluded to never talk with women? Today's crisis is a crisis of personality and social interactions it seems, if what you are posing is true.

[@amanitamuscaria5863]

28:47 Ah, you're talking about the Me2 movement. Hate to break it to you, but they already do. At any point a random woman you've never met can pop into a police station and say she was sexually assaulted by you. Guess what, ain't no due process here.

[@oxymoron500]

The presumption of innocence still applies. No one's gonna get in legal trouble without evidence.

[@saerain]

@@oxymoron500 They don't need to get in legal trouble. Most of the MeToo targets whose lives imploded didn't even face charges, it's more like Maoist cultural revolution tactics than anything legally recognized by the oppressive liberal capitalist cisheteropatriarchy.

[@saerain]

@@oxymoron500 And moreover, when it does go to trial, unfortunately the ingrained biases of the judge and jury more than make up for our valiant efforts to have egalitarian law. The rulings that happen with sexual charges against males on evidence that would be garbage in any other case are incredible.

[@amanitamuscaria5863]

@@oxymoron500 So? I still get fired from my job or expelled from university, and it follows me around for the rest of my life.

[@oxymoron500]

@@amanitamuscaria5863 Sure, but women get fired because of false accusations just the same

[@adambakas13]

When I listen to this I really feel like I am the oddity in the male gender because I can't imagine being so horrible to any woman in particular or women in general and I don't understand why so many men are.

[@jaredmccain7555]

Eh there are thousands of men that think like you, if I've found anything in life is that 99 percent of us aren't special. Which i dont even mean in a negative way really. Personalities at the end of the day aren't even that unique for most people but there still humans and that's great. Also I would say a pretty decent chunk of irl misgonsy isn't even intentional or people actively hating women, it's more like ignorance.

[@emperorarima3225]

When you think about it, it feels like you get socialized in 3 waves as a guy First wave - be polite, be kind, be good, respect authority, respect others Second wave - be strong, be aggressive, don't accept losses, get women, get money Third wave - the first two waves were general advice, you've been given the tools to be "a man", now use it wisely to secure finance and females If for any reason the first and third wave of socialization doesn't hit you, you become those guys.

[@Petsmenagerie]

I was on the men’s rights Reddit page and this guy calls women parasites. It was upvoted. Not all the men in there are like that, but most of them are. What does that tell you?

[@SynetheSage]

That's the problem; you're not an oddity at all, you're absolutely the norm. Yet the narratives we're fed insist that the average man would pose a greater threat to a woman than a wild bear. That feeling you're describing, of being misrepresented? That's the result of endemic sexism against men.

[@moondrummer]

@@SynetheSage Damn. This blew my mind.

[@RachelRichards]

To answer the video's title: We would not choose the bear. That's all I wanted to say.

[@barsik1989]

if we ignore millions of women who say they're choosing the bear then yeah, this is obviously correct.

[@smiley4995]

​@@barsik1989thousands, they're just really loud

[@barsik1989]

@@smiley4995 how come a small minority of thousands of women are driving this debate then? Delusional thinking. Quite literally actually "not taking women seriously" moment that was talked about in the video lol

[@AlexisTheDragon]

Speak for yourself, I know what I'm seeing all over.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

@@barsik1989 yeah it's coping.

[@luccasviveiros4809]

Love you, keep the good content

[@sunsinger970]

Burger really out here repeating the most socially accepted stereotypes and pretending that he's helping. The worlds coldest takes. Just presuming the least of everyone.

[@mike4490]

In the man vs bear debate just replace the word man with black man and then see these people try to cope their way out of it.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

I know, jesus, this is the only guy I actually had any hope for in this world. Tbh It's just one vid, He's still a legendary enlightened genius. But because of that I'm just sad to see this, too trusting and willing to listen perhaps, prob to some women bsing him.

[@mike4490]

@@AlexisTheDragon when you actually look at the statistics it's an overwhelming minority of a man that actually are ass and commit crimes against women. I said it for a while but do you think about how society treats men you can make a parallel to how society treats black men as it's similar but for black men it's 10 times worse.

[@RaptieFeathers]

This... This is one of the best videos on this topic I've seen, ever. I'm heavily involved in this space as well, and holy moly. (Sidenote: If you put on some vocal fry/creaky voice at the end of your sentences then you'd sound like Matt Berry and I can't mentally unhear that now haha)

[@simovihinen875]

So, roughly speaking, non-veganism is a kind of objectification of other species if you think about it. I hadn't realized that it was basically the same thing.

[@beccangavin]

7:56 The band t-shirt thing is so true! I fell out of my chair laughing.

[@vitore.sanches7712]

Great video! Simple as that. Just amazing!

[@takezo6783]

I really like the way you explain things as I think it brings a lot of nuance. I've always been super paranoid about this kind of thing as I really don't want to make women uncomfortable and whatnot. I've always felt like there aren't really clear guidelines about this sort of thing, for example, when does explaining something become condescending? How do I know that my sexual attraction is not, somehow, causing me to objectify a woman? Sometimes it feels like the only ethical way to proceed is to only pursue women that I'm not sexually attracted to, as that guarantees that that they are not being objectified (at least sexually). Or just never explain anything to a woman at all? Idk.

[@oxymoron500]

Time to level up that emotional intelligence

[@andybreadley429]

If you ask this question it's already over, lol.

[@KantankerouslyK]

What @oxymoron500 said But also, if it helps: On the explanation side of things, here's some guidelines that could help: Did she ask for an explanation? Are you training her as part of something, like on the job or if it's her first time playing a new board game? Are you explaining something because it's part of you expressing your own interests and it's just part of casual conversation? A yes to any of these examples are perfectly fine. If she says something like "Oh yeah, I already know about ___", then take the hint and trust that she does actually know and you don't need to keep elaborating. But hey, sometimes you do get women who are interested in what you're saying and are usually pretty good at making that clear by continuing to ask questions or be engaged in the conversation. Conversely: Are you explaining just because you assume she doesn't know what you're talking about? You could always ask if she's familiar with the topic. Are you explaining something that was literally just said? Is it something you'd explain to a male colleague? Would you explain it the same way? Are you explaining just to show off your knowledge on a topic? Also, just how much are you explaining? For me the biggest flag of 'mansplaining' is that it's not just a simple sentence or two. It's a whole ass paragraph, often reiterating something that what was already said. These seem like a lot of caveats, but really the more social skills you build up, the more this should become intuitiive with anyone, not just women. And as for the attraction thing, I'm hoping you mean that you were at least romantically attracted to the people you're pursuing and not just pursuing them just because you felt the need for a woman in your life? Or that by 'pursuing' you just mean some stands to let off some steam? Seriously, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone. But you can be attracted to someone and see them as a person, just the same as you would to someone you're not attracted to. You don't actually have to act on feelings of attraction. Genuinely. I don't know why society pushes this idea that men just can't control themselves. You can. And though people love to make childish jokes, there's nothing wrong with taking care of your own libido. It's healthy. Don't make it other people's responsibility. You can just appreciate a person's company for who they are. It's when you're just seeing women as either potential wife material, as something to pursue, or by how attractive they are to you that it becomes an issue. Women are not a goal. They're just people. They owe you nothing. They're just trying to make it to the end of the day, same as you are. Just like you wouldn't want a woman to enter every conversation with you with some sort of list of rules they have to carefully tiptoe around, you just gotta get in the practice of learning what is appropriate, what's not, and getting that good ol' experience in emotional intelligence until it comes more naturally. And for a lot of guys it has become so socially ingrained in them that it does genuinely take a lot of work to switch that mindset. Don't be afraid to admit it if that's the case for you, because that's how you can get to changing.

[@anemptyshell]

Pursuing someone you aren't physically attracted to is a bad idea I think. Been there, done that. For similar reasons as you. Romantic attraction can certainly help a great deal but there's only so much convincing you can do to the flesh and blood meat sack you inhabit. Let's look at it from the other way around, in a self compassionate kind of way - why should you have to suppress something as natural and deeply ingrained as physical attraction? Why do you think it's okay to invalidate your feelings of being attracted to another person? That's an overcorrection and just as toxic as sexually objectifying someone I think.

[@xensoldier]

Great Video man! Ah dang burn out, yeah I don't miss those days, don't overwhelm yourself. See you around next video indeed !

[@HennyESP]

10:54 THANK YOU!

[@mrmackie-qp6lr]

I mean the better thing is about attention it always is but personally as a man if I had to choose between a bloodthirsty monster that could wield Society in such a way that I would be unemployable poor to the point of homelessness make sure that I am branded for a pariah for the rest of my life and harass me possibly to the point where I am my own life or a bear I would pick the bear I mean with the bear there's the possibility that I could you know outrun it the bear isn't going to sue you into Oblivion the bear isn't going to possibly erroneously have you labeled as a sex offender the bear isn't going to be able to convince a judge that you should be thrown in jail for the rest of your life you're not going to have to make alimony payments to the bear for the rest of your life the only thing a bear can do is eat you in considering some of the things that a woman can do to you I see that almost as a mercy in some ways

[@oxymoron500]

courts and juries must take the side of an accused party when there are doubts about the charges

[@AlexisTheDragon]

@@oxymoron500 thats all fine and good, that's how it's meant to be, but there are a LOT of cases of people getting jail time and then coming out decades later when the girl recanted. Please stop, this is evil.

[@Sarcastic_Sophist]

Just finished the video, and wanted to tangent a little of something I feel that contributes to negative experiences for women in various spaces. It came to my mind when Burgerkrieg talked a bit about the kind of purity testing women go through regarding band shirts. Which I am certain is annoying to many women who just want to wear a shirt of something they like. To connect to some of the uncomfortable advances women deal with within various spaces. To some extent I feel as though this stems from modern society increasingly having fewer places where it is socially acceptable to approach potential partners. As well as a lack of means of knowing if someone is single and thus potentially open to courtship. Dating apps tend to get derided as purely being part of hookup culture and even then many men have low success on them. Now there are ones you can pay for that are more explicitly for relationships, but I think we can all understand why young people trying to establish themselves don’t want to pay for one. I have seen firsthand in many fandom spaces I have been in when a woman enters it and passes the proverbial purity test. She is then bombarded with would-be suitors, often to her immense irritation. It caused me as a man, after hearing so many horror stories about this, to never DM a woman (or really anyone) unprompted and without first asking permission in an open forum to do so. Furthermore, it has also made me so dense that I often have not understood when a woman was making advances on me. Because in my mind I had created a very strong differentiation of these online spaces in my mind. That these forums or servers are there to share the hobby and nothing else. However, I know that is not the common mindset, and many men are so eager to have the proverbial, “gamer gf” that they all rush at this seeming opportunity. Ultimately and I hope obviously, I do not say this as some form of excuse for men who are creepy or who continuously make unwanted advances on women. However, I do think it is something worth noting and that should be discussed. As I do agree with you, ultimately I think what people desire most is to find someone they love and value who in turn loves and values them. Hell, I know firsthand as I am in my mid 20’s that I am starting to more seriously desire a long term partner, yet I have no idea how to go about finding one. Particularly in relation to my hobbies and interests, which are things I strongly desire to share with my partner. Despite that, I in no way wish to be another horror story for any woman. So I am left in a strange limbo of having a desire to find a romantic connection but seeing no real means by which to go about fulfilling that desire. Something I think a lot of people can relate to, I believe I’ve even read studies that state my generation is the loneliest. To link back a bit to the original point of the video, I find myself deeply saddened, more than ever men and women are being increasingly divided from one another. As both sides find more and more reasons to vilify the other and emphasize their differences in a negative light. Instead of taking note and appreciating the unique abilities, experiences, and perspectives the other group has. As I do feel that at the end of the day, we have a lot more in common than we do differences. Thank you to anyone who read this, I apologize for the random tangent and my propensity to be a bit too verbose. As I always say, please keep discussions civil should you choose to reply.

[@anemptyshell]

Fucking hell man, this is pretty much the same kind of comment I wanted to leave, as my situation is similar. I hate the whole concept of approaching someone with the intention of romantic development. It feels disgusting and manipulative. Even if it is made clear to both parties beforehand, to me there is just something dishonest and 'wrong' feeling about that. Because let's be honest, those kinds of decisions can only be made going off of superficial information - "I think you're pretty, that's why I want to see if we could date". I've been personally grappling with that lately, since there's a cashier in the supermarket I go to sometimes, who has this really cool, laid back vibe and I thought about maybe giving her a note asking her out (since I am self aware enough that doing so face to face can be problematic, especially at work, so I want to give her an easy out). But it's exactly that same problem - I made that decision upon a superficial impression I got from her. I liked her vibe, found her attractive, that's why I wanted to ask her out. And even though, since I'm demi, my only motive is to get to know her to see if we might click, it still feels wrong. Especially since I learned that most women don't want to be approached by most men in most situations. But as you say, where the hell am I expected to find a romantic partner (apps are out of the question for obvious reasons) then? Of course I want to befriend a girl without pretexts or romantic/sexual attraction. Deepen that friendship over months and years before perhaps deciding we want more. The "correct way" is some kind of circumstance or situation you just sort of end up getting to know each other in, without much control or premeditation on either of your parts, like school perhaps or (although this certainly is a loaded question in of itself) work? How many of those situations realistically happen once you leave school?? I have my life set up pretty much. I have all the friends I feel I need and most of my hobbies are done solitary or with the aforementioned friends. There's simply no way for me to organically meet new people unless I explicitly seek them out. Just "put yourself out there and don't have any expectations bro", then? Nobody does anything without expectations. Besides, what most people mean when they say that is "I am going to join this club or whatever so I can meet a platonic female friend so (she will lower her guard around me and) we can fall in love later". That's just the original problem of premeditating the approach, with extra steps and feels even more manipulative. So just do nothing then? Expect nothing, pray with all your might that you will meet the right person through some deus ex machina? Essentially give up and plan your life around never meeting anyone. Ignoring (or misinterpreting) signs of interest by women you might receive because at that point you've convinced yourself that any approach at all on your part would be unwanted? As you said, it's deeply saddening, disheartening and one of the biggest reasons I am feeling hopeless about the future and doubtful about the value of such a life.

[@Sarcastic_Sophist]

@@anemptyshell first of all thank you for commenting. I very much understand how you feel in this regard. It is an unfortunate situation and one that no one is really talking about how to navigate. Regarding this cashier, I think that's a decent way to go about expressing interest. It's bold, but you know the old adage about shots you don't take I'm sure. Ultimately if you want circumstances to change you have to take a different action from your habits. I'm struggling in that regard for multiple reasons but I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. I also found your musings on the matter quite astute. Particularly as someone who grew up in a very emotionally abusive household and learned to be quite manipulative as a result. Hell I remember an instance where a woman told me she liked me and I nearly had a panic attack and almost resorted to self harm. As I feared I had somehow tricked this woman and had fallen back into my manipulative tendencies. It's really messed up, I'm still trying to find a good therapist to discuss the matter with. Thank you for sharing

[@anemptyshell]

@@Sarcastic_Sophist I'm sorry that you had it so rough growing up, I know too well that things like that leave scars for a really long time. It's rough and unfair to be "messed up" for reasons outside of your control and having nobody to help or guide you out of that situation. I have to say though, that part of someone confessing their feelings to you and you feeling like you just manipulated them into liking you hits close to home. I hope you can find a way to work through it, friend. If you feel particularly alone with this, feel free to reach out. Sometimes it's easier to vent to strangers on the internet.

[@Sarcastic_Sophist]

@@anemptyshell much appreciated thank you. While I cannot help what happened I still choose to take responsibility for it (probably more than I should. As not doing so led me to engage in many behaviors I shouldn't and do things I despise. Mostly just working to get myself right in the head and well established in life. Thankfully making some progress there.

[@Sarcastic_Sophist]

@@anemptyshell Been a little over a week and while work is dead I thought to myself. What the hell, why not check in. Have you tried that note thing with the cashier? Even if you haven't are you doing alright?

[@SerrynRS]

thank you for making this

[@ItCameFromTheSkyBeLo]

As long as we understand that choosing the bear means you're bigoted towards men, we're all good here.

[@fantuswitt9063]

Factsss

[@ItCameFromTheSkyBeLo]

@@fantuswitt9063 I can understand why women are bigoted against men. Paitrarchy really wants men to be that thing that women are afraid they are. But that doesn't make being bigoted against men acceptable. Get therapy. (Said generally to anyone who would rather meet a bear in the woods)

[@mike4490]

Just replace the word man with black man in the man vs bear debate and we will see just how depraved this topic is.

[@lendelsmanio6412]

What an amazing video! I'm gonna save it

[@williansnobre]

I gotta say, you made making titles that invite people to come in expecting to get mad and coming out of the video with useful information into an art

[@Gaia_Gaistar]

I kinda don't see what the point in complementing or interacting with strangers ever. Like, what's the point? You don't know each other and even if you kinda do it still doesn't seem like a good reason to interact with someone on that level. I'll admit i'm a bit antisocial but any time people interact with me in public it always feels weird and awkward or nerve wracking. I don't even like walking past people too closely, like what if they just randomly slug you in the back of the head or something? I saw a person go apeshit on someone randomly out of the blue like fifteen feet away from me on a train once.

[@gs4011]

@@Gaia_Gaistar getting compliments is awesome. When its done right.

[@Ok-df1uz]

@@gs4011 yes and its also a joy to share with someone something you appreciate about them, it feels good. As it were, i like your earlier comment paraphrasing something another one of burgerKrieg's vidoes, it was very pertinent.

[@gs4011]

@@Ok-df1uz absolutely agree. If the OP wants a short answer: Doing good feels good.

[@Xedhadeaus]

It depends on what the compliment is about for me, and typically people link it to something that is annoying. Like, you're tall go play sports, you look like someone I want to talk to. You're smart are you compensating for something? It's really hard to entertain a conversation when the field of conversation gets reduced to an insult proposition or request before the sentence is completed. Other things like, how's the air up there? Or, I'll stand next to you when there's lightning because I know I won't get struck. Don't even know these people, and they've already insulted or devalued my existence.

[@VVabsa]

Learn not to care and trust your gut.

[@demo0831]

Suddenly, suddenly, I just realized that a video i watched years ago, about a woman calling there divorced husband to walk then home because they were scared. And now I suddenly realize that if i knew a good guy, and i was terrified i might do the same thing.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

how come ur comment cuts off?

[@Little_Lepus]

I hope this video is as informative to others as your video about men was to me, thanks Burger!

[@Fangs1978]

Here's the, very simplified, deal with bears. Polar bear = You're dead. Brown bear = You're probably dead. Black bear = You're probably fine. Panda = You're fine. So it's roughly a 50% chance of being dead if you pick bear. With men you only have a 1-2% chance of ending up with one who would consider hurting you and a much lower chance of it being with one who would actually hurt you. Women just meet a lot more men than they do bears which skews their view. Since most women have been, or have heard of other women being, hurt by some man, in some way, at some point, and most haven't even seen a bear in person they pick bear even though in this particular scenario it's objectively a very stupid choice.

[@AlexisTheDragon]

Finally the sane take.

[@Fangs1978]

@@AlexisTheDragon Thank you, so little sanity in the world today, I'm happy to add a little bit.

[@oxymoron500]

I just wanted to tune in to say that I and 95% of other women would choose the man.

[@principleshipcoleoid8095]

Based and green flagged!

[@notcesr7136]

Well okay depriving people of agency is not the move. If I get mugged because I wore my nice headphones outside in Brasil, I absolutely had agency in winding up in that position. Theres not much point criticizing the mugger’s actions; he got the outcome he wanted. Sure I can do everything right and still get mugged, but if I don’t want to get mugged I shouldn’t make obvious mistakes and I appreciate that my community gives me forewarnings and advice. Whenever people blanket-deny agency to victims and say “they shouldn’t have to watch out for this stuff” all they’re doing is making the muggers’ job easier.

[@Ok-df1uz]

if this is meant to be a comparison to sexual violence then i do find many people who make this arguement (i am not assuming that you are but i feel to adress) are making a false equivalence bet ween crimes of a economic nature many of which are motivated by a history of deprivation. But most people probably would not mug people for gratification or dominantion which is really what the ultimate goal of sexual violence has been demonstrated to be, mostly the latter (many cases of sexual violence are commited against people who are not particularly conventional desirable but very certianly in vulnerable position, elderly or intellectually disbaled women being an example). This allows for the minimization of the imposition of will and violation of dignity that sexual violence is a way of imposing, and we should be cautious of this linenof thought. If you are mugged of even a very expensive item you are more likely to be rattled by the experience of danger rather than the material loss, which is often recouperable even without restitution.

[@notcesr7136]

@@Ok-df1uz I’m not sure what you’re getting at but I don’t think that contradicts what I’m trying to get across. The point of the comparison is that some people commit crimes, and as long as those people are committing them, you can and should take precautions against crime.

[@Ok-df1uz]

@@notcesr7136 Agree there. I misread the intent. Perhaps your original point felt rather too tangential to the video topic and the comments on this video I have been reading on from people with more concerning opinions coloured my understanding of this. Honestly it was presumptive, and I apologise.

[@JeanRain17]

So as an asexual cis female it's been a fun time so far I've been harassed because of my body shape so many times and the worst thing is that it started very young. It's been a strange process of learning about how physical attraction is supposed to work after enduring this. I recalled when i found out that women were actually just as interested in getting physically intimate as men. Mind blown then immediately anxious because i didn't know being asexual was a thing yet and i was sure something was wrong with me. That being said this was a great video. I've always been struck by how poor men and women communicate. The man vs bear debate being one of those "ah i see" moments. The fear thing is so crucial. Men just don't have to generally dedicate so much thought on if the person talking to them is a creepy weirdo who would hurt them if given even the slightest chance. I hope your video reaches many people.