I Reviewed Onision's Third Book So You Don't Have To

[@ariajacobs5719]

That's interesting. Daniel specifies that Julia is 18, then says that they've had sex. It's almost as if Greg forgot that Daniel is *4 years younger* than Julia, and not a 40 year-old man named Greg.

[@JohnSmith-ox3gy]

Oops, all statuatory rape! Except for district of Columbia...

[@scootza1]

No no see, the girl is older in this situation so iT iSnT cReePy

[@beybladesinmyheels1267]

Nice catch m’dude

[@oniononion7560]

@@scootza1 exactly, girls TOTALLY can’t be predators at all! 😩

[@sociallyenginerd8846]

Isn't this book written by a REAL male...predator- who (as far as I know) has not served any time?

[@starmoral5456]

You can tell when Greg writes about an *actual* person if: 1. They have a full name despite being a side character 2. Greg describes/complains about them in gratuitous detail 3. The character has no purpose to the story and never appears after his description/complaint.

[@goddessofthots5096]

Legit

[@paleiosaur]

This comment made me make the :O face in real life

[@RealLifeKyurem]

@@paleiosaur Like your username?

[@paleiosaur]

@@RealLifeKyurem I guess so lol (Wow... I made that username when I was 13. I'm 18 now and afraid to change it because I've had it so long)

[@IHateNumbersOnNames]

@@paleiosaur same with me mate. Same with me. Edit: just checked, 10 years ago. Im 22. Lmao im getting old

[@hanm3172]

I actuallly really appreciate the little "tune in, audio listeners" because I was like oh! thanks! alright!

[@notmocka]

Me too! I work listening to kappa so it was such a nice gesture

[@ThoraeJenkins]

I don't. I think I could have easily gone the rest of my life not reading that.

[@knightogourd]

@@ThoraeJenkins Both a blessing and a curse, it seems

[@nessarolla]

I looked over as soon as he said that! So helpful.

[@anaionescu8913]

I sew or paint to the sound of his videos and I appreciate audio cues to pay attention

[@alyssamay9237]

Daniel: "I respect women! They are more than their bodies!" Also Daniel: "My girlfriend is great, she doesn't bother me unless I want to smash!"

[@anteante2332]

You should have put "Also Greg:" instead so it fits his style of not editing his own book

[@alyssamay9237]

@@anteante2332 Fuck me, perfect opportunity right there!

[@justincarroll1836]

Also Greg: my homeboy blows me and we play video games afterwards, no awkward cuddling or feelings

[@Natoursofcourse]

@@alyssamay9237 you can edit comments dude

[@alyssamay9237]

@@Natoursofcourse THAT’D RUIN IT THOUGH! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW UPSET AT MYSELF I AM?! FUCK!

[@jackfenning5668]

The green L on the cover is directed at the reader as they bought the book

[@pczb2692]

Clearly, it's onion boy trying to use Luigi's fame to boost himself. 😔

[@leitefaria8560]

The audacity

[@waharadome]

she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

[@phatcarno8332]

In the shape of an L on her forehead

[@tokiWren]

green l for luigi

[@vsGoliath96]

"Because Greg" is honestly the best way to describe anything that happens in these books. Why are women only ever described by the size of their breasts? Because Greg. Why is an 11 year old almost six feet tall? Because Greg. Why is an 11 year old getting laid in extreme graphic detail? Because Greg. Why does the main character come across as a budding sociopath? Becaaaaaaaaause Greg.

[@CheesyGabite]

@ThatOneOddLookingDog ThatBarksAtYou oh god, that actually does sound terrifying.

[@kindakyana2372]

@ThatOneOddLookingDog ThatBarksAtYou in my school everyone's gigantic lmao, I'm 5'4 being in middle school >->

[@b.bird.]

This has "Sorry I'm Scorpio" energy

[@oriomotodo2975]

not an 11 year old, but i did meet a 14/15 year old kid that was about 6'5," and as a five foot tall woman, i was terrified

[@K4inan]

My friend is 7 foot tall and he was 6 feet when he was 11 lol

[@AxlPatrol]

Onision leaving "Greg" in by mistake is like that scene in the office where a character is accidentally named Dwight in Michael Scott's screenplay.

[@TheMamaluigi300]

I was reminded of how in The Truman Show, when he tried to cross the bridge, Truman gets stopped by a policeman (i think) who calls him by his first name without ever meeting him.

[@bellakrueger8040]

@@TheMamaluigi300 yes!!!!

[@kodicraft]

@@TheMamaluigi300 except for the fact that the Truman show is good and uses that to be good

[@DatBoi-in2xs]

"daniel" more like micheal scarn

[@koshavinka2995]

It reminds me of the Don't Hug me I'm Scared TV series when Warren sings a terrible song about a "kid he knew" and accidentally uses "me" at some points in the story. Of course, that show is smart and that is used to show Warren is a sad little man.

[@SpunkMcKullins]

Crazy how Daniel, an 11 year old, is 5' 10". What a coincidence too, because Onision is also 5' 10". Haha, that's so strange, what a cool coincidence haha.

[@RottenHeretic]

or maybe. . . .

[@artistica-artyc.9210]

Maybe...Its not a coincidence? Haha jkjk....unless?

[@stephenahn120]

HMmHmMhhMmM

[@gods_aestheist5082]

What if they're the same person 😳 nah that can't be it

[@SecuR0M]

Daniel is an expy of Barron Trump. The plot twist no one saw coming.

[@maximellow5745]

I'm a librarian and I have to admit, that outfit is perfect. Very fitting.

[@stuglife5514]

I don’t know you but because you’re a librarian I automatically have insurmountable amounts of respect for you and want to be your friend. Keep doing the amazing job your doing. Thank you for your service to your community

[@katroamleft4721]

Well if they made well heated libraries, there could be barely covered librarians!

[@maximellow5745]

@@stuglife5514 aww you're too sweet.T_T I want to be your friend too💜

[@agent_a_art]

This comment and reply section is so wholesome! I want to be your friend too （＾∇＾）

[@Cmmf_]

all my homies make friends with the librarians, they deserve good friends. Keep up your awesome work!

[@tgb_exe]

This "book" feels like Greg took all of Terrible Writing Advise's writing advise to heart.

[@illbill5904]

He's just that good!

[@aliceporter6239]

Only 18 minutes in but I haven't seen the love triangle yet

[@ThatGingerAgain]

There were three gods, weren't there?

[@runningcommentary2125]

@@aliceporter6239 Chad Greg, clone Chad Greg and generic love interest.

[@Krozbot]

golden comment lmao

[@ironicappreciation4374]

Onision not realizing that a savior complex is a bad thing is literally all you need to know about him

[@Ryu1ify]

He (thinks he) knows what the word savior means, and he (thinks he) knows what the word complex means. Put them together, and you get what Greg thinks he is: a complex (technically right but in the worst possible way) savior (not even close)

[@ReiAnikaAyanami]

@@Ryu1ify honestly i don't doubt that's legit the actual caveman way his brain works

[@Dietrich_Kaufmann]

When the Ego gets big, people will feel justified regardless if it’s right or wrong

[@anerrorhasoccurred8727]

Like those people who think having a martyr complex makes them an actual martyr 💀

[@illymation]

Thank you for braving the books we never could..

[@Salted.Noodles]

The hero we needed

[@99starl1ght]

hi illy :0

[@tuxedodogstopmotion5339]

hola

[@everyonesfavoritelesbian3223]

Illy!

[@MoonBites]

Illy is speaking wise words

[@prisma.]

This gives me hope because no matter how horrible my writing is, it will never reach the absolute rock bottom that is Onision books.

[@TescoClubcardOG]

Amen to that.

[@SteveHotline]

Amen to that indeed. Also, not to be immature, but I was your 69th like :D

[@lamadiobutler5630]

i was just thinking this exact thought

[@onigames7309]

Same XD

[@Daggeira]

Right? lmao

[@SplendidDog]

I'm still sticking to the theory that he writes the entire book using 'Greg' and goes through it later changing the characters name, but sometimes he just fails.

[@FrancisR420]

Dwight: "Dwighf who's dwighf?" Pam: "what I think happened is that Michael wrote out the character as Dwight and used word search to change the name but word search doesn't work on misspelled words"

[@BriarEris]

that would imply that he edits these monstrosities

[@paleiosaur]

Oh, I _know_ that's what he did. I do that a lot in my writing (sometimes I'll change a character's name after I've already written all the parts they're in because I'm so indecisive). The difference is, he doesn't care enough to actually read back through it and make sure he didn't miss any. I absolutely love writing-it's like therapy for me-so every time I see Greg do something like that I want to tear my hair out :/

[@fanpet3912]

I mean, seriously, on most writing programs there is LITERALLY a 'replace' option, how does he mess it up so badly-

[@hck71]

That implies he ever edits his books

[@Avossk]

You really gotta hand it to the guy, it must've been a real challenge to write 3 whole books while being illiterate

[@uynayz9157]

Yeah, it has to be a world record!

[@erinhaury5773]

Not enough of one.

[@dromie5059]

I audibly laughed

[@anaionescu8913]

I'm a painter with uncomfortably shaky hands, even I have an easier time doing my thing than he does writing, even though I sometimes physically cannot paint.

[@MysteryMortis]

@@anaionescu8913 I'd love to see your art and I hope the next month(year if it goes well) so you can continue painting!

[@alex-cd4jd]

God the last half of this book literally just feels like kids playing with action figures like "well I summon GOD 2 GODS SECOND HALF and he DECAPITATES YOU!" "well I GET REALLY BIG and i PUNCH YOU INTO SPACE AND YOU DISINTEGRATE"

[@LetsSaboogi]

LMAOOOO NOOO WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE

[@rambbler]

It just reads like that kid who was always like "I blocked it with my force field" on the playground wrote this in crayon on printer paper to show off to his "friends" just how smart he is.

[@goodday3185]

I SUMMON EXODIA! EXCEPT I LITERALLY NO ONE WITH A LIFE KNOWS HOW TO ACTUALLY PLAY YUGI-OH! AND IM MAKING STUFF UP SO 1,000,000,000,000,000 DAMAGE!!!!

[@samt3412]

@@rambbler At least those kids generally grew up to be good people

[@Verily-Vera]

This is *teleports behind you* headassery at it's finest

[@5ft4inprotagonist24]

Greg is like an atheist from Christain propaganda movies

[@andrejg4136]

I was thinking about that earlier, he's the manifestation of the "straw atheist" trope, full stop.

[@arzr_er]

@@andrejg4136 Am catholic and yeah, it's pretty much a perfect fit

[@orppranator5230]

Or reddit.

[@sarahbarabe8470]

Greg gives me the vibe of he's atheist not even because he doesn't believe in God or believes in science or something different, but only because he believes that he is so overwhelmingly superior to any other being on the planet that there is no possibility of a deity or higher being existing that is not himself.

[@ma.2089]

@@sarahbarabe8470 that isn’t a vibe that’s specific to atheists tho.

[@Katie-md7mh]

dude his skin is glowing and there are no dark circles in sight. I hope you've been taking care of yourself and its not just the lighting.

[@jazzmuppet9230]

i was just abt to say smth abt this, he looks great!! glad to see hes taking care of himself (hopefully)

[@Pavlinka__]

that's kinda creepy

[@leestoichkova]

Or he has a killer skincare routine... Kappa Kaiju - the weirdest, most Christian beauty guru on this godforsaken platform

[@awholebee]

@Captain Bruh I mean, you don't have to look that hard to see those things. And they just care about his wellbeing, so not really creepy

[@SuggestiveHappyFace]

@@Pavlinka__ it’s creepy to notice someone looks healthier?

[@crunglemcbungley]

That guy in the library is having a REALLY hard time finding his book, I hope he gets to it soon, he's been standing in the same spot for an hour

[@Blaze-xe8cl]

Hes looking for onisions first book

[@soniasun2692]

He read Onision’s book and the terrible writing has hurt him so much his mind has gone blank in hopes of erasing what he has just read.

[@aardengrant]

its almost as if he was paralysed, unable to escape, like a fly in a spider web but he couldnt even struggle, hes paralysed physically and mentally

[@arieln8269]

Summary of books by Onision Book 1: Edgy Narcissist fails at writing an edgy narcissist white knight whose m’lady has zero reaction to surviving the deadliest school shooting ever. Book 2: Edgy Narcissist fails at writing the life of an edgy atheist narcissist who goes to war and dies while protecting two objects that resemble women. Book 3: Edgy Narcissist fails at writing an edgy narcissist who has lame super powers and finally gives himself the powers that match his god complex. Also like aliens and god and stuff Overall summery: Edgy Narcissist can’t write good books and can’t stop inserting himself into his forsaken stories. Edgy Narcissist also needs to go to a mental hospital and meet a woman he hasn’t groomed to understand the concept of human beings with only xx chromosomes.

[@ahniandfriends123]

Don't forget the -statutory rape- "Getting Laid" scene in book 3 between Edgy Narcissist *E L E V E N Y E A R O L D* and a sixteen year old and having said girl become his girlfriend throughout the rest of the book.

[@JudgeNicodemus]

Thank you for reminding me of reasons why lobotomy should still be practised, but only on Onion boy.

[@purungo]

*Summary of* -books by- *Onision* -Book 1:- *Edgy Narcissist fails* -at writing an edgy narcissist white knight whose m’lady has zero reaction to surviving the deadliest school shooting...-

[@BigAl2-u7e]

Sounds about right.

[@imperialfist2304]

Greg is an embarrassment. Entry no. 3654

[@futurecollegedropouts423]

If you have to write three books just to convince people that you’re smart/attractive/likable, odds are, you’re not :(

[@monicacreator3168]

if you have to write ONE book to convince people, you are not

[@futurecollegedropouts423]

@@monicacreator3168 if you have to convince people in ANY way, shape, or form, you are not 😂

[@futurecollegedropouts423]

@@monicacreator3168 including but not limited to published works

[@betsareoff6821]

"guys i'm such a badass i throat punch people, get possessed by aliens and get bitches"

[@futurecollegedropouts423]

@@betsareoff6821 you should write a book instead of Onision ;)

[@charliecat422]

I hate Greg’s writing so much and all of his books are basically the same. Heres all the books in a nutshell. Boy with parent issues who has a problem with Christianity and thinks they’re smarter than everyone, and have the biggest god complex you will ever see/read. Who has violent tendencies meets a girl who leans to the main character (the boy) for emotional support because they’re abused by their parent, and so the boy and girl get together. The girl is pretty much written to just be there for them to get together, but that would be wrong, so the boy has some emotional attachment, but in a really toxic way. He likes her and gets together with her, but ya know how dare she have her own life cause why would woman do that. Than the girl is put in some sort of trouble, and the boy saves her, normally in a form of a badly written fight scene, and the rest of the book is about how great the boy is. The guy the entire time the boy being Greg, and written in the same way every single fuckin time.

[@bradleyhandsonjoehallschro5419]

You forgot the part where all the main characters eat the same thing each book. I think it was lentils tho i could be mistaken

[@ieatedsoapbutno8491]

He writes his own fanfic

[@jerryturgin6583]

He doesn't pick first or third person

[@atcatcatc]

@@bradleyhandsonjoehallschro5419 yeah, it's lentils. see 14:31

[@HanaNoMachi]

I mean yup that’s it. Have a candy for your quality summary. 🍬

[@koriklodri]

"Causing him to rapidly cease existing in the world as we knew it." Sounds like a fucking meme threat that I would say to my friends over a discord call.

[@markbaker4425]

Sounds like someone poorly translated a chinese insult to english

[@zekchomenko2927]

Fucking bad Edgeworth impression

[@__8120]

it has the same energy as "commit toaster bath"

[@thesleepydot]

it does. i really wouldn't be surprised to see memes with a caption like this lmao

[@thesleepydot]

@@__8120 PFF--

[@ZorotheGallade]

"Only an above-average dark haired 14 year old can fight God" Well, you just described every JRPG ever.

[@princekyle4132]

The difference being that JRPGs are fun. The only thing remotely fun about Greg is that he’s such a massive fuck up who fails at everything and it’s hilarious because he deserves it 🤣

[@micaelaagata1064]

Theory: the only real thing in this book is that Greg peed his pants in school, and the pretended to be a mighty God to creep his classmates

[@SpydersByte]

lmao. most likely.

[@lopamurblamo]

The absentee father and weird combat obsessed mother might also be true

[@DieSense122]

headcanon

[@ughpeople8668]

it’s almost like greg took the “write drunk, edit sober” advice but edited hungover instead

[@ughpeople8668]

@Dreamyandmemey good point, very good point

[@flyingpiggles1034]

He stopped reading at "Edit"

[@extinctoart]

"Write drunk, something something."

[@benandrew21]

More like "write drunk, edit never, I don't need to, I'm perfect"

[@left-2-write28]

I bet he found a way to get drunk on kombucha.

[@lavenzavantas]

we all joked about Kappa being librarian jesus so much that he actually became a librarian

[@ava_marie_v]

Is the next step actually becoming Jesus?

[@biackshibe]

@@ava_marie_v charlie's already jesus

[@lavenzavantas]

@@ava_marie_v he's already Jesus

[@horrorterrorharvey]

thank you aradia homestuck

[@Pillzpop]

Maybe Librarian Jesus got in contact with Book Jesus (CrimsonRogue)

[@urithrocio2646]

Daniel is 11 years old but is 5’10 and “has a chiseled jawline” 💀 does Onision know how puberty works?

[@crowdemon_archives]

Or human biology, for that matter

[@woodlefoof2]

“My name is Dib Membrane! I’m 12 years old!”

[@esbenm6544]

He knows all too well 🤢

[@PerpetuallyDaydreaming]

You think someone who keeps staring at children would know 🤔

[@princekyle4132]

He does. He’d have to, if he’s so adamant on having sex with teenagers 🤮

[@IMortalNemesisI]

First chapter: "Playing in the forest" Final chapter: "KILLING GOD"

[@Tree_-wp5zn]

DND/Terraria/Minecraft/general rpgs anyone..

[@KokoMakesThings]

Oh my god: he's a JRPG protagonist. And he's about as well written!!

[@ariajacobs5719]

@@KokoMakesThings Beat me to it. I can still tell the joke though... Boy, I sure do love Persona 5.

[@tsukurikata774]

@@ariajacobs5719 Looking cool-

[@tenteclz8731]

More like fist fighting God

[@opalblue6031]

“I reviewed onision’s third book so you won’t have to” Don’t worry, we won’t.

[@unicornburgers302]

Guess I can cross that out of my todo list

[@channyt8818]

@@unicornburgers302 Why was it on your todo list in the first place?

[@unicornburgers302]

@@channyt8818 idk, why was it on Kappas todo list?

[@Angrymonkey2489]

Sounds like the Nostalgia Critic... Ewwwww...

[@BiggestBiam]

I hope that guy in the background eventually finds his book

[@waharadome]

what if he's searching for reapers creek 😳

[@imtootiredforthis9776]

@@waharadome Then he doesn't deserve to find the book

[@ghristophermyers666]

This comment is wholesome

[@emilydavis628]

big money

[@Romanticoutlaw]

I keep thinking he's moving when I stop looking directly at him

[@c.smidgeon2847]

Not only is Dante's inferno about the tormentous nightmare of hell but it's also basically self-insert bible fanfiction which is tonally very on-brand for onion boy

[@john.d.rockefeller2538]

It is a decent fan-fiction though, all religion is just reality fan-fiction.

[@knightogourd]

@@john.d.rockefeller2538 tell me you don't engage in critical thinking without saying you don't engage in critical thinking

[@elfodelputoinfierno]

@@john.d.rockefeller2538 whoa, careful with that fedora tip bro

[@cornfield3034]

@@john.d.rockefeller2538 reality contemplative nonfiction, either way still interesting

[@dukeofwisdom9118]

Closer to if a really out of hand game theory video but

[@xott99]

My god! He has truly, after all these years, become a *librarian*

[@whyamilikethis4103]

we all knew this day would come

[@sararose1688]

the metamorphasis is nearly complete

[@gothtokki]

LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA LIBRARIAN KAPPA

[@reandezine]

Short haired Jesus as a librarian

[@yesatitsfinest]

@@reandezine yes

[@kirafish2592]

Ironically, individual plotlines/concepts in this book sound really interesting. Alien experimentation? Being able to sense death? Hacking the universe? Hunting and killing a pack of serial murderers? Killing gods? A coming-of-age story about a child with a dysfunctional family who seeks comfort in an inappropriate relationship with an older girl? All of these ideas can and do work in various books/movies/games, but not all once in a novella, and not by someone with so little self-awareness and knowledge of writing.

[@definitelynotlink5420]

Yeah! I feel like seperately these could be great storylines but together it’s just a cluster fuck of mess

[@tigercors3308]

Yeah cut the excess storylines, get someone who knows how to write a book, cut the pseudo philosophical self aggrandizing and you have a decent book

[@bt1867]

@@tigercors3308 sadly the author is an insane person and there is just no way he will ever acknowledge that he is just human that can be wrong at times and he won't ever accept that he is bad at writing.

[@Orlando_Furioso]

It might work in an extended universe

[@ohsnapitsdiana]

We need Stephen king in here, only dude I know who can/has made complex ideas like that even work, but agreed- definitely not onion boy lol

[@FPSDIESEL]

GRANDMA GLASSES GRANDMA GLASS

[@USSLongIslandCVE1]

Verified and no comments, impossible

[@gec-tree8035]

Bruh moment

[@lavpine280]

CARDIGAN CARDIGAN

[@torbykun]

Kappa out here confusing my sexuality

[@KhayJayArt]

You just mad because you know they wouldn't look good on you. :p

[@TheOGPlatypus]

Saying you’re paralyzed once is fine, reiterating it with ‘unable to escape’ is a bit redundant but acceptable, but saying it about 4-5 times in one paragraph makes it sound less like an actual problem and more like he fell into 2 feet of water, can’t swim, and splashed around screaming about his own mortality for 3 minutes before someone finally convinces him to just stand up.

[@nabeelnitro6447]

Reaching an inexistant word count

[@maijakuusisto]

Greg is the epitome of a guy who says "I can't be a sexist, my sister is a woman"

[@smilingearth5181]

Or racist dudes who unironically claim they're not racist because they dated two black chicks in the 90s.

[@katatonikbliss]

@@smilingearth5181 you're right, if i did that, i would still be racist

[@Thraxraganharapollyus]

Gregginz be like, “I’m not sexist, my husband was once a woman.”

[@highadmiraljt5853]

@@katatonikbliss Wtf based

[@nenmaster5218]

Onision learned Everything he knows from Tiktok.

[@anthraxcrab2222]

My guess is that he originally wrote the book with his own name, and then in the editing stage replaced all the Gregs with Daniels but then forgot a few. Literal Megamind genius 4000 IQ

[@firstnamelastname7244]

I think you have too much faith in greg to assume that he went back and revised this at all.

[@85_rat_moon]

i think he still basically did a self insert and just wrote a different name so it wouldn’t be obvious but then forgot a couple of times as he was writing

[@anthraxcrab2222]

@@85_rat_moon I would also like to note, Greg has had so many name changes it’s ridiculous, scrambling his name to be Greg, Jackson, Gregory, Jason, etc. Most of the time just doing kind of a name remix where he changes around the order or the form.

[@DMDarren]

Assuming he wrote the book in Word then he must really not be smart enough to use the find/replace tool

[@85_rat_moon]

@@DMDarren i don’t think he does any editing

[@mathildenonbo]

Greg's books are summed up the emotions: "I guess", "It doesn't matter" and oh no.

[@Atamosk-bu7zt]

Those are just declarations. Oh wait onionboy doesn't have emotions

[@mikaroni_and_cheez]

And also the emotion the reader feels every 3rd sentence: O H G O D

[@ariajacobs5719]

And "fuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF"

[@ToastOnSmores]

Summed up in the emotions: “Whatever”, “it doesn’t matter”, “oh well” and “WE’RE GOING AT IT TONIGH-“

[@mylifeisacomplexpastiche7901]

Greg’s books summed up: “It don’t matter. None o’ dis matters.”

[@emeryltekutsu4357]

Someone needs to write the horror story of the child trying to escape the abusive parent, but their parent has the innate ability to know where they are at all times, and it eventually devolves into a do-or-die situation because there's no escape.

[@Drekromancer]

Genius.

[@librasuperstar3779]

That genuinely is a fantastic idea for a story

[@left-2-write28]

Why is the first thing I thought the Terminator movies?

[@quinnlee-miller9792]

They know where the parent is at all times too though, so this seems like a fun game of cat and mouse where the kid Home Alones the parent to death

[@chewnotchw3]

This is just the Promised Neverland

[@neetwithajob]

onion boy’s characters are all named after him because he finds it difficult to put himself in the shoes of anyone else.

[@chewyfishlegs7176]

Nice pfp ngl

[@frootloot6789]

best explanation

[@BucketOspuds]

Hit the nail on the head

[@kutaoizumi4189]

Of course, he's too focused on himself. After all, what's more interesting than Greg?!

[@CozieGhosty]

I swear Onision thinks he's Light from Death Note.

[@marl3ymarl3y86]

The best comparison I’ve seen of Greg’s behavior.

[@DarylStreete]

He literally does. Like this isn't a joke. He's obsessed with Light and has made music videos pretending to be him.

[@siiri1964]

Onision is bootleg version of Light that lacks both in the smarts and looks and forgot how humans act

[@owenmasur5640]

The fact that he watched that show and came to the conclusion ,”That should be me” astounded me

[@hagelslag9312]

Light is brilliant though. Greg has the intelligence of a potato chip instead.

[@ava_marie_v]

You know, Greg's actual life could legitimately make a pretty creepy thriller novel or something. But he's not going to write that because he'd have to be the villain in it, and that's too much for his ego.

[@gec-tree8035]

Holy shit that is a good idea

[@ava_marie_v]

@@gec-tree8035 Right? Like, the grooming teenagers online, the creepy basement thing, the tattoo as punishment, the disturbing thirst tweets and fake mental breakdowns in an attempt to get attention, all of that is the perfect recipe for a terrifying thriller/horror villain.

[@blankslate7491]

@@ava_marie_v I wonder if they could get an actor do the kumbucha thing in the movie adaptation

[@dannydamnmendez]

@@blankslate7491 I don't know if any actor would be able to match that level of insanity

[@blankslate7491]

@@dannydamnmendez unless they were a very good one

[@smilingearth5181]

I just discovered Onision three days ago. He seems **EXACTLY** like the type of person your parents warn you to stay away from when you're little.

[@eldritchabomination9726]

It's cuz he is

[@unhackerthelaziestbastardo6083]

He doesn't seem like it. He is, if the dude isn't a pedophile, then he's done a good job of acting like one.

[@fire0nymph]

oh my god you're so lucky

[@MidnightMuffin]

He's like the fucking Boogeyman.

[@smilingearth5181]

@@MidnightMuffin or that weird uncle no one invites to anything anymore because he keeps getting arrested

[@alexanderstilianov]

> God has three parts > Greg's clone kills the second half > Second half > Second HALF of THREE Greg's powers can overwrite grade-school math

[@stinkiest]

my mans really said two out of two out of three

[@katiemorison7969]

God is just so powerful. He has 3 halves.... Whoa

[@None-Trick_Pony]

He is half-man, half-god, and half-pig.

[@Akinimoda]

The Daniel character sounds like that kid, which gives himself an infinity + 1 power while playing with friends on a playground

[@nickyblue4866]

Well i have infinity + 2!!!

[@fk3239]

[laughs in infinity + whatever you say + 1]

[@engineerxero7767]

@@nickyblue4866 I have infinity * 2, take that

[@stiffpictures8971]

I have infinity times Pi!

[@theencolony5595]

Well I have infinity times infinity!! >:D

[@doctordalek2720]

“Ridge Wallet: Not a deluge of pain and torture” - Kappa Kaiju

[@CC-rg3tc]

Strange Aeons: "This is clearly written to be his reflections from the future looking back, but he's so immature and deluded that it just turns to horseshit!" KappaKaiju: "This is obviously meant to be his thoughts at the time of occurrence, but he's so overly verbose and faux-intellectual that he sounds like a complete loser!"

[@VegetaSoup]

Greggy would probably see this as a compliment that his book is just so “complex,” but really if you can’t tell the tense of the writing that’s like the biggest thing that can make or break a book.

[@egg_mittens]

Two people, at least one with an English degree, not being able to find out what fucking tense this book is in is truly the most apt criticism of Greg's writing.

[@thememeestfilmbuff]

*The third time is indeed not the charm.*

[@theshamanite]

Charm is not on Onion's side. So much so that a banana suit was his best look.

[@Gator_Queen8188]

In fact it might be a curse

[@SpringDavid]

@@Gator_Queen8188 "might"

[@Diembee]

Fourth time isn’t Either; Icelandic Supreme Overlord Morges already got a hold of a few chapters from his *FOURTH* book; surprise surprise it’s completely awful.

[@TTOF_JB]

@@Diembee Her review was great. I wasn't sure what was going on a good bit of the time, but I know she was disgusted. lol

[@fetchwalkerenthusiast]

If Daniel was 5'10 at 11 years old that has horrifying implications for his height in later years

[@andrejg4136]

True, though sometimes you get people who get their puberty growth spurt super early, and then barely grow from that point.

[@mambaramba]

@@andrejg4136 or like gigantism could happen

[@xbluemx]

He benjamin buttons

[@bigsealfan9579]

He is about in the 99.998 percentile for height, if we presume he's 11 and a half. Only 1 in ~50,000 of boys his age are taller. If he remained in that percentile as he grew, he would be ~6'10 as an adult.

[@Turt3752]

Nah I was legit 5’ 11” by 12. Just shot up like someone stepped on a rake, then never grew any taller. Edit: obv he chose this height cuz it’s his height and this is an obvious self-insert. I’m js that while improbable, some kids actually are that tall and don’t end up being gangly giants later in life.

[@Hegataro]

For someone who hates religion, christianity especially, Greg sure does fancy himself as some sort of god--like being

[@edwin5145]

He tried to make a cult about him being a God.

[@celihenry3227]

He only hates Christian beliefs because he's jelous

[@exudeku]

apparently, homies like you who kinda disliked Christianity and religion but doing sensible, ethical and normal things are more acceptable by the Abrahamic God rather than believers who do shit way worse than the blue-eyes in '42 and Onision not only be rejected by the Abrahamic God...even Satan or any Chaotic, Neutral, and Lawful gods and spirits will reject that awful excuse of an amalgamation of edginess, even Nietzcshe and Poe look in disgust

[@cherrycola6736]

He hates religion because it tries to make him worship someone other than himself lmao

[@edwin5145]

@Leonard M Forgot the name of it. But there's plenty of sources. Search for Onision religion.

[@TheEquestrianGallade]

Almost a year later and I just realised you skipped the dumbest twist of the whole book: Kull's daughter is somehow Daniel's real mother.

[@IntelegentFool]

Ah yes bring back someone you left behind at the hallway point of the book and make her suddenly Uber important yep cool gotcha

[@siremestir]

Real? So his neglectful mother is not his real mother?...

[@bluegolisano7768]

y'know, I might be a pessimistic, depressed, nihilistic dumbass *but that shit's fucking d u m b .*

[@thetea4093]

This!! I was like… so she’s been dead since before the Bible was written. Then how did Daniel take so long to be born. Why to this random family? Does this make him a product of in*est r*pe??? (Since God was her brother and he violated her?) And why doesn’t she have a name 😭 It’s so much

[@ambonexus8381]

@@siremestir Something about his physical body being born recently but the stone in his head that gave him powers was created by Kull's daughter before she got murked, which I'm not sure it was explained why the stone got put in his head in the first place??? It's just a big mess

[@JustSaiyanDude]

Its funny to hear the Onisions self insert character is a "abnormally large 11 year old" when irl hes like 5'6

[@deffinatalee7699]

Well, he does have the maturity of an 11 year old

[@rike1775]

I'm taller than Greg? Fuck yeah

[@left-2-write28]

@@rike1775 Right!? And he wants everyone to believe hes like 5'11 but hes just...not. also I heard from a stream by Billie I think that he sometimes wears shoes that make him taller.

[@fawnieee]

@@left-2-write28 he wants people to believe he's 6ft lmao. And he hates women in high heels because of how short he is.

[@left-2-write28]

@@fawnieee yeah, and tall women in general, like Jaclyn and how he would insult her for being tall.

[@corrosivityyeetborne4144]

Greg manages to be incomprehensibly verbose while also being unintelligibly illiterate.

[@john.d.rockefeller2538]

The pained groaning of one attempting to appear articulate despite the complete lack of intelligence is difficult to listen to.

[@beetlesockss]

younger version of jordan b peterson

[@marlenevale1700]

Here’s my little theory: Onion boy writes his books with his actual name is place of the main character’s (complete self insert) then after it’s completed he searches for the word “Greg” and changes it to whatever the “main character’s” name ends up being. That’s why sometimes other characters will call the main character “Greg” out of nowhere. Those are the ones he‘s missed and didn’t get changed since no one proofreads or really edits these books...

[@IntelegentFool]

That would be so easy to fix. Ctrl+R Greg to Daniel like wtf dude?

[@left-2-write28]

@@IntelegentFool confirmation he wrote this in his notes app

[@dromie5059]

Same energy as dwigt

[@stonefaced102]

an amazingly pathetic maggot

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

Except he doesn't find and replace. He manually scrolls through

[@TheNamelessScholarOfficial]

God didn't "die" by greg's hands God Rapidly ceased to exist by Greg's hands.

[@deffinatalee7699]

Well, rapidly ceased to exist in the world as we know it

[@kiambraleflore7537]

Aha, I see your KrimsonRogue reference. :)

[@skitskit333]

I almost choked on my drink bc of this comment LOL

[@skitskit333]

I almost choked on my drink bc of this comment LOL

[@zekchomenko2927]

His metabolic processes became a matter of interest only to historians, as edgeworth would say

[@arighoul6736]

His books makes me wanna write his stories, but like actually good, but that imply that I'd have to actually read the books properly and i can't bring myself to do that.

[@underatbr2212]

if you dont want to do that KrimsonRogue here on KZbin has read every one of his books and goes into detail about what the fuck is wrong with it.....hope that helps, i only suggest him because he say by holding and reading a bad example of a book then other would be authors wouldnt make the same mistakes...

[@cgkase6210]

Watching the reviews from Kappa makes my soul hurt

[@sadrabbit53]

Listen to the audiobooks for free by Jordan Barclay, right here on KZbin

[@toysoldiernerio7172]

i feel ya on this too

[@Horvath_Gabor]

You can't really though, because it's practically impossible without completely rewriting them from the ground up, and at that point you might as well write your own story. Not to mention, with this particular book, we have pretty much two completely independent stories. The first half is about a kid who seems to gain psychic powers, can see death as a glow and would get involved in a long-standing serial murder case, while the second half is about a literal demigod who is completely unrelated to the kid from the first half reshaping the world and then fighting the Judeo-Christian god. You can either have a thriller about a teenager with powers getting entangled in a serial-killer case, or a godling awakening their powers and reshaping the world, potentially messing up, and the world's reactions to it. Each of those can be a nice story, but if you try to put them together, it is never going to work. In some ways, I have to say that Greg is amazing. I mean, he managed to successfully create an anti-premise, a premise that can never be made good. That requires quite a bit of anti-talent.

[@TheMrMister]

If I’m remembering this correctly, didn’t Onision start his own cult like a decade ago and proclaim himself to be God?

[@saouer]

yeah. for someone who touts how much better he is than religious people for not dedicating himself to a false deity, he sure loves writing himself as a god. really is telling of how narcissistic he is- he doesnt like religious because it implies someone/thing is above him and better than him, and he can't handle it.

[@AD-cy4vj]

This is too much

[@gustavogoesgomes1863]

@@saouer "Why am I an atheist? Because I don't see any evidence to support the existence of a god." "Why am I an atheist? Because I feel that the world is a lot more frightening when you think that all of this was planned by some entity" * Onision, the perfect: * "Why am I an atheist? Well, because I have my head stuck so far up my ass that I can't deal with the idea of something being better/more powerful than me!"

[@XamiNaxamis]

Wasn't the main tenant of the cult to protect the environment? Like it was just some Mother Earth-worship shit, not a lot on protecting your fellow humans but a lot on going vegan and green and stuff. I only bring this up because, judging from the wetlands in his home that he destroyed, he can't even follow his own fucking religion he started

[@sadrabbit53]

@@XamiNaxamis He thinks laws are beneath him

[@bearbumxx2600]

This book sounds like quite the trip, down a flight of stairs.

[@campbelld.1426]

Multiple trips and multiple flights.

[@dysonburt3309]

no bc falling down a flight of stairs would have better pacing

[@someguy86]

At least there is a bottom

[@kirbymods5549]

it truly is a unique emotion when the 14 year old boyfriend of your 18 year old daughter murders your husband, puts him in a coffin and compensates you for the lost income caused by said murder, all in the span of 2 minutes

[@desertdesk]

⁠@adenosine2electricboogaloo647 is it really Julie??????? We will never know

[@XenaAndKin]

Side note: Dante’s inferno is a part of a three book series meant to be comedy Aka Onision’s book is not only hellish painful torture. It’s also a massive joke.

[@v-t-holmes]

divine comedy is not supposed to be a comedy in today's sense of the word back then it basically just meant "oh this story starts tragically but it has a happy ending :)" (boccaccio was the one to add 'divine' to the title after dante's death bc he thought it was amazing writing)

[@orpheus9098]

Its not just a massive joke, its a massive joke that people boo at

[@ヴァリ-z3e]

@@v-t-holmes I can sort of see the appeal but why DID the title say what the ending was going to be?

[@v-t-holmes]

@@ヴァリ-z3e dunno, that's just what the author decided was a good title

[@AnIridescentWolf]

@@ヴァリ-z3e it’s Dante’s bible fanfiction

[@nixpa]

onision is just permanently stuck in edgy 14 year old mentality, isn’t he?

[@courier6960]

He’s also stuck in a 14 year old in general... (sick burn I know)

[@terrierlovesyou]

edgy 14 year old here! my friend and i have both watched this video and had around a 1 hour long mental breakdown on discord over it. even two edgy 14 year olds can't comprehend this bullshit

[@moved2799]

@@terrierlovesyou He just built different

[@Hanna-dx1zi]

@@moved2799 he a whole ass other species

[@mssheeba1965]

As a member of the 14 year old species, we disown him.

[@zheleznodoskyy]

Australian librarian Jesus has returned to bless us once again!

[@xronium]

i am going to ask my local library to hire kappa, we're both in victoria so sike, they arent open ;-;

[@tarajay773]

@@xronium my council announced which libraries would be opening next week... The one closest to me wasn't one of them 😒 I am so over this lockdown.

[@Judgement_Kazzy]

"I didn't find Mara attractive" Wow, Greg really thinks he's too good for the goddess of love and compassion.

[@Rachel98246]

“An amulet of Mara? You’re looking for marriage then?”

[@Roach1]

he also thinks he's too good for a giant schlong in a chariot

[@loobly]

So he gives people the ability to see where their relatives are... he's just doomed abuse victims like literally. If an abused kid runs away their parents can just be like "ah yes the child is 2 miles west let's go get em"

[@ArchieRatsworth]

And children who were adopted, they're going to be constantly aware of where their biological parents are. Those bioglocial parents will be aware of the children they surrendered.

[@Vero-jz5ex]

And you'd think having the two main "characters" be children of abuse he'd know that... But he somehow doesn't realise that??? It makes part of me think he didn't actually have abusive parents growing up but likes the fantasy of it because it makes him a victim forever or something. It's very weird.

[@loobly]

@@Vero-jz5ex honestly with the way Greg is I wouldnt be the least bit surprised

[@Pitch-pine]

Wait. Does that mean kids with dead parents could always sense or see their parents underground? That would suck

[@YoshiBlue]

That could actually be a really good story premise if done well

[@eustace6046]

Greg is just a microwaved Light Yagami

[@confusedjello7292]

more like light if he lived in Chernobyl and refused to ever move out

[@thatjojolesbian]

He did make that death note themed music video and the music sounds like it got put through a microwave

[@rosesapling72]

love ur pfp man

[@whyareallmynamestaken1382]

How is this accurate

[@mariomaster4568]

That would imply he had ANY BRAINCELLS

[@eldritchabomination9726]

Onion's writing career could be summed up as r/iamverysmart and r/iamverybadass

[@adrienneczerni6516]

r/menwritingwomen

[@MatthewAbbottHighskies]

r/raisedbynarcists

[@craigusselman546]

Or r/thismakes nofuckingsense. IF NOT A SUBREDDIT SHOULD BE!

[@NotD-kp3by]

r/humblebrag

[@eldritchabomination9726]

@@NotD-kp3by it's not even trying to be humble so nah

[@greentaigo2552]

Gotta love how Greg thinks parents should naturally know where their children are even though half the parents in his stories are abusive and horrible people who definitely shouldn't know that.

[@supur9298]

Dead. ​@adenosine2electricboogaloo647

[@whyamidoingthis5236]

​@adenosine2electricboogaloo647they're dead, of course

[@None-Trick_Pony]

"It's 10PM. Do you know where your children are?" "I told you last night, no!"

[@JustinY.]

I'm waiting for the day Onision responds to your reviews on his books and the subsequent response video to that.

[@cultureandhistorynerd6739]

omfg it's Justin Y (can't believe i ever got to comment first on a Justin Y comment lol)

[@kindakyana2372]

it's gonna be the other video from strange æons lmaoo

[@primetimehome]

I’m waiting with bated breath to see what clown fuckery onision would come out with, just like his books

[@_ham4127]

who is justin and where does he live

[@assassingamer1125]

someday....but not today or is it?

[@AmeliaMastervally]

"its kinda quaint, and a little endearing, but also mainly pathetic" - my professors, friends, lovers, family whenever I have to code

[@royalhydra9790]

@@CARILYNF more than yanderedev could do in that time

[@kodicraft]

@@CARILYNF TF2 developers be like

[@jessicabrown6796]

As a student who is doing a minor in philosophy, this book sounds like Greg has tried to write a philosophical masterpiece in a narrative form, but has absolutely no idea how his own philosophy or philosophy in general works...

[@yunarukami6212]

AKA Onision, the person who made a religion and believes he’s a god

[@benjaminbarraza8972]

@@yunarukami6212 and failed at it

[@mr.jameson218]

Yes, but you're almost as bad for pursuing a minor in philosophy. Lol

[@jessicabrown6796]

@@mr.jameson218 Lol I have no doubt that I am plus I'm flexing it on the youtube comment section

[@Gabriel-wk3hz]

@@mr.jameson218 At least, unlike Onision, he isn't pursuing a minor

[@anzaia2164]

I would love to see a character that has that ability to "see behind the curtains" and view reality as code... but who can't read code. Like they're a total math/IT/sciences noob and they have these amazing powers but can't do anything with them. Maybe they learn to read and write it a bit over the course of the story, so they start to become able to alter reality little by little. Hey, this might make a good educational game

[@wgreenewgreene1022]

That sounds cool as shit ot a person able to warp reality having to learn how to do it

[@Drekromancer]

Holy hell. Yes, fund this project!

[@Minecraftsweg]

That's straight up Monika from DDLC.

[@alexandriakotsifas]

YES OMG

[@schism_9893]

This just sounds like a really unorthodox awakening for a Virtual Adept in Mage: the Ascension.

[@mikkelangelo5700]

"Attention all audio listeners, please tab back into the video now, as the following section requires a visual aid." [Removes myself from the lovely, delicious dinner I am currently preparing.] [Picks up my lovely phone.] [Stares at the video.] [stares at the video.] did you HAVE to hurt me this way. did you REALLY have to subject me to this. my dinner wouldnt hurt me like this

[@princekyle4132]

It would if you were eating fried chicken

[@Liam_Phoenix]

Fuck thank you for making me giggle like an idiot at 2:30am, making my mom come in and ask why I was making dying dinosaur noses XD

[@localegoist4079]

Nice comment 👍

[@tea-cat-arts]

On the anime coment: Jotaro's physical appearance, though stupidly buff and completely ridiculous for a 17 year old (edit since some people aren't getting it: I am referring to how absolutely jacked he is, not his height), makes sense within the context of the series because everyone in part 3 is stupidly buff. I feel like what Onision did was the exquivilant of taking part 3 Jotaro and sticking him in part 5 without changing the art style

[@austinblackburn8095]

Not really that ridiculous a 17 year old is practically an adult most people reach or are very close to full height at 17. Being 6'5 and jacked is unrealistic in the sense that very few people are like that, but just because its rare doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

[@fangsabre]

I was 6'5 at 17. Considering his lineage, both his grandfather and great grandfather were Absolute Units it's not really surprising he got that tall. Like I said I'm that tall, but like most of my cousins and stuff dont even crack 6 ft. Being ridiculously jacked is a little bit much tho but apparently he works out

[@CertifiedWeirdass]

I'm 5'5 at 15. I'm a girl.

[@tebthecat]

@@CertifiedWeirdass inhale that’s pretty average bruh

[@bradleyhandsonjoehallschro5419]

I'm a little surprised that a lot of people seemed to focus on the height instead of him having the physic of a body builder. But hey, he is tall I guess :/

[@charliekipper8038]

Book: preaches atheist ideals the whole time Also book: yeah but like. God IS literally real. A real thing.

[@edgarallenpo8330]

And he is like an abusive father apparently.

[@c.l.6957]

@@crustykeycap5670 hating god or believing that god is spiteful towards people is called Maltheism (see also Misotheism or Dystheism). Believing that god does not exist and therefore does not directly affect the physical world is called Atheism.

[@jasperhammarstrom4059]

@@crustykeycap5670 hahaha if U want people filled with hate go to the church

[@nectarinn3]

@@crustykeycap5670 Lol then you thought wrong boiii I mean it might be just because i'm agnostic and not especially atheist but i'd never really felt anything towards god? Like how can you be mad at someone you doubt/don't believe the existence of.

[@marcusreading3783]

@@crustykeycap5670 Nope, Atheism is a simple lack of belief in a god or gods. Theres no emotional connection there, no more so than to any other fictional villain. Theres not even really any need to activly believe that Gods dont exist, just not hold any belief in genaral. Also, Agnostic and Atheistic views are two different things. Agnostic is a knowledge claim, so I don't KNOW if a god or gods exist, while Atheism is a BELIEF claim, so I don't BELIEVE that a god or gods exist. As such, you can be an agnostic Theist, an agnostic atheist, a gnostic theist or a gnostic atheist

[@yobin3711]

I've watched multiple reviews of each of Onision's books and this third one consistently feels like I'm having a stroke within a fever dream. Every time I come away from it and it doesn't feel like I just watched a real review of a real book, I look back and it feels like something I imagined in a state of delirium.

[@IntelegentFool]

There's almost zero narrative through line, I think that's why

[@thesleepydot]

wow that is such an amazing way of describing it. same

[@voopu]

It really feels like an April fools fake review, doesn't it?

[@Zamalie]

I legitimately feel tired afterwards every time like I just went through something harrowing

[@rambbler]

Disappointed Jesus librarian is back and fashionably plugging his merch

[@FlareJollyDragoness]

Disappointed Jesus librarian is now my favorite phrase. Thank you.

[@squabbbb]

Holy cow you're right it looks like actual clothing, I barely noticed it. I want one

[@LonelyIslandKid09]

It’s like Onionboy finished watching Devilman:Crybaby and said “YeAh, I CAn dO ThAt.”

[@Mikazuchireborn]

Welp, you can't say he didn't succeed at the 'Crybaby' part.

[@moo_riee]

Don’t do my boy Akira like that-

[@kin4386]

At least Devilman: Crybaby is entertaining lmao

[@jackal25301]

devil man sucks tho

[@stickysocks6369]

Don't insult devilman like that

[@WallessJ]

This dude wrote a book where his self insert not only kills god, but kills all three halfs of God, meets up with God's dad and then resurrects gods sister.... dude needs to calm down

[@gdbwnv9707]

1/2 + 1/2 + 1/2 = 3/2. So he killed 1 and a half gods, and is also more powerful than god's dad, making him basically a super-duper-god

[@coolcool5181]

He played too much SMT

[@Hieballa]

@@coolcool5181 or not enough. imagine a world where he satisfied his "killing god" fantasies with SMT instead of plaguing the world with yet another shitty book

[@Vyansya]

I genuinely wants to know what goes on inside Greg's head when he wrote this 😭

[@anidiot192]

@@Hieballa well, for a religion hating "human being" I'd peg him for, surprisingly enough, YHVH's bitch. So he'd be playing a bit too much SMT, and can't tell the difference between reality and SMT

[@Jess-jt4zf]

I love the whole "above average height" thing because in reality Greg is a manlet... (No hate to my short kings, I just find Grunk's narcissistic insecurity projections funny)

[@left-2-write28]

This validates me. Thank you, friend.

[@delripper7790]

@@left-2-write28 The shorter the king, the taller the crown, brother. And Greg's king of shit.

[@FirstnameLastname-sb3hj]

GRUNK

[@jackyzimmerman]

I’m 6’’5 and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. If you’re as skinny as I am, you just look awkward and out of place wherever you go. I fall down harder, I bump my head easier. Greg thinks being tall is like Homer Simpson’s fantasy about being a gold-plated giant. I really want manlets to understand that an extra few inches won’t solve their deep-seated insecurities.

[@edmortis]

im literally 4'11” and even *I* make fun of guys with little man syndrome

[@arandomidiot1593]

So is nobody gonna talk about the use of "Bazinga" as a euphemism for sex? 'Cause that absolutely killed me.

[@coler4084]

B a z i n g a.

[@Brindlebrother]

Oh boy Friday night can't wait to B a z i n g a

[@konnermorris1753]

It shows because reading this illicits the same physical response if you were hungover.

[@thatoneguy9582]

big bang theory banned episode

[@jeremydixon1586]

This is the worst Binding Of Isaac Fan Fiction I’ve ever seen.

[@TwiCaCaX]

please dont even associate that amazing game to this trash ahha

[@fremiloant1186]

@@TwiCaCaX tru

[@L3monsta]

@Faceplant Arrived What do you think "in the labyrinths of his mind" means if not his imagination?

[@automobilership9888]

This reads like a child writing self-insert anime fanfiction in their notebook and just proclaiming it as a masterpiece

[@genzo454]

No, because they would have some idea as to what might actually been fun to read, this is just garbage.

[@Rat-ld8xu]

Little kids aren’t pretentious, though. They DO have a lot of creativity and free time; and you can’t say that about Grog.

[@automobilership9888]

What i meant was it sounded a lot like the crazy power fantasy crap i would write when i was little. Complete with the "and then i got all the super powers and was super hot and became god" shtick. Although the whole hating women and daddy issues is uniquely greg flavored.

[@renevalentin8818]

My boyfriend did that in middle school. Ouran High School Host Club, Tamaki x Kyouya, heavily featuring mpreg as a narrative. Still better than this garbage

[@ads605]

More like a child learning what an OC is and creating a marysue, unaware their character is painful to read

[@mineflwr437]

This seems like an alternate time line of Empress Theresa, where instead of HAL going into a good Catholic girl, he went into a raging misogynistic atheist

[@left-2-write28]

I wonder who would win in an epic anime battle between the two...

[@SounnyKitty]

@@left-2-write28 It would depend on who became aware of the other first.

[@EllaAngeli]

@@left-2-write28 I feel more like which author won a fistfight first

[@left-2-write28]

@@EllaAngeli now I really REALLY want to get Greg and Norman in a room together. Their egos would be so incompatible. It would be glorious.

[@boy_girl_cat_party1824]

This is the ONLY valid explanation of this book.

[@AstraeaFae]

Are you telling me he didn’t even go to a new line when writing alternating dialogue?? Every alternating dialogue line of his is in one paragraph. Jesus. He doesn’t even know the rules of a book/page layout.

[@left-2-write28]

@Matilda Ryder the hubris it must take for him to write a book while also taking pride in not reading in two decades makes me want to weep.

[@synodicseason]

he doesn’t even have proper grammar half the time… even just looking at the excerpts, i can tell he doesn’t put commas in dialogue ever & only sometimes at all. as someone who loses a lot of immersion if there’s bad grammar, i would hate reading this even if it had an okay story.

[@BeatRiceIsHere]

"Sharp jawline, acne on my face, bushy eyebrows, and abnormally tall for an 11-year-old." Considering this was written by Onision, something tells me that he didn't come up with that line just for the book

[@hkazu63]

Greg be like “I am 7 years old and 7’9” and have a face chiselled by gods and a shredded 30 pack but my hair is brown and that’s very boring so I’m clearly totally normal”

[@partyshrimps]

I forgot this dude existed. as should everyone.

[@abfs5470]

Onision or Kappa?

[@BucketOspuds]

His alcoholism will kill him early so I don't think we'll have to work too hard to purge him from memory in most of society

[@fragbomb]

thought you were talking about kappa for a second lol

[@Jess-jt4zf]

" *I knew if I was an adult and saw another adult trying to get a kid to drink alcohol, I'd throw them in the creek head first* " Kind of ironic, knowing that he gave Sarah alcohol on multiple occasions when she was underage (between the ages of 14 and 18 y/o)... But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do when you're grooming them. 🙃 Oh, and because he actually polluted the creek by throwing all kinds of trash in it... 🙃

[@boy_girl_cat_party1824]

It’s the hypocrisy and moral grandstanding for me, dawg!

[@verychristianboi3584]

seeing as how greg himself is not in the creek id say that that creek is the least polluted place in this deluded power trip straight from a fever dream of a pathetic psychopath

[@anxious.strawberry]

I read somewhere that he wrote this book as a “joke” so reviews like this would be like “ha, egg on YOUR FACE,,, not mine!” But the saddest thing is, it’s literally just like his other writing.

[@goddessofthots5096]

The fact people cant tell this difference just proves how bad all his books are lol

[@strawberrypencl]

Tbh he probably had the idea for this as an 'actual' book, saw yhe reviews of the other ones, and thought he could totally make this into a joke... which he did, but the joke is on him. Only difference to his other books is they're younger and aliens

[@ShayLaLaLooHoo]

I believe this one he wrote seriously. However, he is writing/did write a 50 Shades of Grey knockoff, which he claims is intentionally ironic.

[@zebeylin1707]

The librarian outfit Kappa has on is so wholesome that it gives me momentary relief from the garbage fire that is Onions writing

[@heyhey8722]

Comfy looking sweater makes you forget the sins of onision. But only for a moment

[@TheAquaticGoddess]

Man if only Greg himself and/or his spouse had that power for parents to locate their children. Maybe they would’ve known their daughter fell from a second story window sooner. Edit: holy shit you guys liked this comment ty

[@squipples369]

LMFAOOO

[@QuikVidGuy]

maybe his exes' parents would've been able to get their high school-aged daughters away from him

[@gamingforever9121]

Spicy 🌶 take!

[@ragnarok7976]

Too be fair, even GPS systems don't account for altitude...

[@wajmgirl]

Bold of you to assume at least one of them knew and simply did not care.

[@pungoblin9377]

I love how Greg learned so much from his other books! He no longer goes “I’ll punch him in the face and kill him instantly,” but instead goes “I’ll punch him in the face... a lot until he instantly dies.” You can really tell how much research of different martial art forms he did before sitting down and writing the fight scene. I can’t wait to see what the next “I punch him until he dead” fight scenes he comes up with in his next book!

[@cryguy0000]

When I was in elementary school, we went on a field trip to some park to go outside and do some fun stuff. Me being a shy kid, had no friends. At one point we were headed to some building straight ahead on a road made of rocks. I decided to try being a cool extroverted dude and walk backwards while talking to a girl that was behind me. When I tried to turn back around I fell square on my face onto a bed of stone. While I lay there in pain, every adult and fellow student proceed to walk past me as if nothing happened. By the time I got up everyone already got to the building, and I slowly made my way to them, depressed and in pain. Now that story sucked, but at least it would make a better book than whatever Onision throws out into the public

[@alinastanescu4430]

True, your book puts Shakespeare to shame

[@mesotolioma5089]

Cool villain backstory

[@PointsofData]

@@mesotolioma5089 i feel like it's more the story of a side character who slowly becomes the fan favorite

[@reservoir_flow]

Me the entire time: "Wait, isn't he eleven?" If he had just shifted the ages up like 4 years it would make so much more sense. But such is the mind of Greg, too big for us normal minds to comprehend

[@andrejg4136]

Like the relationship with the older woman would still be statutory in most places, but it would have been 100% less squicky. As portrayed, I can't justify it in anyway. Not even the stupid fetishy way in those dark corners of the 'Net.

[@bigboybastard7162]

@Matilda Ryder hes just a growing boy

[@mycologyqueer]

Damn y'all, I'm starting to think Daniel was paralyzed 👀

[@Murmarine]

Nah man, that cannot be true. Not in the sligthest.

[@MonaFromAnotherPlanet]

Maybe Daniel's brain is.

[@bassyboi581]

You're jumping to conclusions. We can only start assuming once we have further evidence

[@USSLongIslandCVE1]

Guys guys, controversial opinion but I thing Greg I mean Daniel was paralyzed.

[@randompromises1038]

@@USSLongIslandCVE1 i'm gonna cancel you for that, how dare you

[@jonathangarcia5279]

Funny how Julia isn't a predator but her dad is. Top tier writing.

[@NeapolitanApe]

I just learned that Julia is based on a real person, Greg actually got statutorily raped

[@scrithen2836]

Onision writes like he has to meet a certain word count even though he doesnt

[@blueshell292]

I mean, he does. Without that, and the enlarged letters, dude would probably have less than 70 pages or so.

[@shaefurlong1907]

It's like a Neil Breen movie but 1000% less funny and charming

[@dannydamnmendez]

Neil Breen would be an award winning author if he wrote books like this

[@SaweetTooth]

ISNT THAT IMMORAL?

[@vsGoliath96]

Hey, don't you dare insult the supreme Breeing by comparing him to this garbage!

[@ambersomething1693]

And no Neil Breen because my boy Neil wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole. Certainly not kill 3/2 of a god he spends the whole book saying doesn’t exist while killing 3/2’s of a god

[@vsGoliath96]

@@ambersomething1693 Nah, he will just eliminate 300 million bad humans from the planet. There's a big difference, we swear!

[@charlie5752]

Ironic that he glorifies punishing sexual predators...

[@Emu19]

Now THAT is a theme that continues to baffle me. Part of me wonders if he's even aware of the irony himself...

[@cgkase6210]

Part of me is now scared he's just super into BDSM or some shit.

[@madeniquevanwyk]

I think he's so far up his own ass that he 100% hates sexual predators bc it's an easy moral target for him to use as a plot device, but he doesn't see himself as one, of course. What he does is totally different, it's justified, that guy is the _real_ sicko 🤦

[@sadrabbit53]

He projects. A LOT.

[@bonnieshenton9426]

I was having some vodka and I saw these replies and what fucking battleground is this