Why You Can Never Trust a Narcissist | Dr. David Hawkins

[@a.humphries8678]

Confronting leads to gaslighting, shaming, confusion, deflection, and hell.

[@anliesterhuyse3960]

So 💯true. Over years I have been rudely silenced by him, sometimes when he asks a q ,like what time is soccer, netball tomorrow and I am on the other side of kitchen bench ;I would have replied,giving the time and place of the Saturday games. Then he would yell out loud at me that he was not talking to me but to the children 😢. So I started to become quieter and quieter… now being attacked I don’t talk to him. I have learned to just leave it, to save myself from the gaslighting and verbal abuse. He would either gaslight or stonewall me. I guess I am now the one stonewalling him😊

[@ashwinithakur720]

Yes I agree with you. But if you are fortunate enough to have confrontations with empaths then very gradually, (the slow motion is very frustrating) the nature of confrontations change. The inner turmoil reduces.

[@Yatukih_001]

Under the current director the WHO has been accused of gaslighting, shaming, confusion, deflection and virtue signalling.

[@samanthawilliams5520]

When liars speak they’re lying. I said this to the narc continually but had false hope my example with truth would effect a protective boundary for me. Honestly the only way is to 💯 not engage

[@Adventureswithbecky]

Exactly what happened to me and going through it. Married for 26 years and finally after an entire marriage of abuse leaving and living in my car with no money or job was better than staying and giving into taking my life just to make it stop. After finally responding and telling him why and listing a lot of the abuse he went full force. He has gotten our kids to be against me even though they too all experienced it, my family, his family and has them all saying I need to repent and divorce is unbiblical. I am crazy because none of that stuff happened, I am blowing things out of proportion and I just want my pound of flesh. I had hope before that maybe this time he would hit rock bottom and allow God to change him but after this last month it is painfully clear he will never allow God to change him. In his mind and what he is telling everyone is that he has repented and changed. Within just 2 weeks.

[@michellepenney8218]

When you give a narcissist your trust, you give them the power to destroy you.

[@shelleyd9910]

Words are easy. Actions are hard because actions come out of beliefs. So how they act is who they really are.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Thanks for this! Great insight.

[@kellithomas9080]

Took me so long to grasp this concept! But it’s so true. Words mean absolutely nothing if your actions don’t align.

[@JoanNerz-Sheehan]

In my 20+ year relationship with my husband, a Malignant Narcissist, I found him to use a statement often, which I now realize was a 'tell'. It was "when have I ever"? When have I ever lied to you? When have I ever used you? When have I ever not been there for you? When have I ever been unfaithful? When have I ever played games with our money? In his mind, he never lied, used, abandoned, etc. I found that he was constantly lying, even for minuscule things and things that did not rise to a level to justify in any capacity any lying. He was constantly deluding himself and taking me 'around the mulberry bush' in an effort to avoid being responsible and honest. And to distort reality. Make me question my gut instincts and his actual behavior. It was like a house of cards. I started saying to him that he "was not the man I thought I had married". I said that because I could not ever find a time when he was actually 100% truthful and honest. He lacked integrity. I gave him every opportunity to right his ways and learn new ways of being. Given the opportunity to become trustworthy, his behavior said, "no way" and it even got more unreliable and distorted the more the stakes were raised by my filing for divorce and an Order For Protection. Thank you Dr. Hawkins for telling me that I had reached a valid conclusion that he was not reliable and in turn a poor marital partner. Looking back, I should have left the marriage a long time before that, given the patterns of behavior based upon lies, deception and untrustworthiness.

[@ct6852]

It's the casual lying that might be the worst part. Because not only do you have to deal with what they did to you, but you also have to question your sanity while noticing. Just a double whammy of bullshit.

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

They know if you are honest...They hate honest people.

[@corinnholloway3932]

Confront the narcissist? Not a good idea if still living in the same house. Will basically start a war/battle. Doesn’t work. (21+ years of experience)

[@yendor86]

Confronting and holding a narcissist accountable does not work at all. All it does it put them in to a deeper defensive stance which will lead to them going on the offensive. Ultimatums are offensive to a narcissist. In their mind, they are the arbiter of limits and boundaries, not you. What you want, expect and need are the least important thing to them. You are nothing more than a tool to supply their needs. The real answer to why you can't trust a narcissist is because they don't have the ability to trust you. And since they can't trust you, they have every reason to be untrustworthy. They think that you're up to something all the time, therefore, it gives them justification to always be scheming something behind your back. In their mind, you are up to something or you are going to do something to them and so they have to protect themselves. That may mean slowly moving money in bank accounts. That may mean destroying your reputation so that when this is over, you are seen as the monster. or it may mean them locking you out of the house for some imagined threat. Educate yourselves and then educate others.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Thanks for that insight

[@monarene44]

That is brilliant!

[@Coco-og7zw]

@yendor.... you are 💯% SPOT-ON!!!!!!

[@zuuumbaaa]

Thanks for the reminder I can’t trust him. I already knew it but it’s always good to hear it from an expert. He even told me “don’t trust me, trust God.”

[@drdavidbhawkins]

Glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

[@terrancemcclendon456]

They thrive on gossip and drama so they tell what others say

[@summerrichards5407]

Such a good way to frame the deception as a non-compromising need to self-protect. I have found this to be true in my experience!

[@selahrichardson]

Same.

[@joannefk4758]

So my spouse is a NP. I find myself 95% of the time truly honest, but when I get backed into a corner by my NP spouse I will lie to protect myself. So this makes me feel bad but justified. This only happens when it is crazy making time which is a regular pattern. Exhausting to live like this……

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

If you can not trust a person, there’s no ground for a successful relationship. You either trust someone or you don’t. Trust is an act of courage. Thank you for great observations and advice.

[@rosettesionne9139]

Naturally we can’t believe them. Many people who are deceived by them didn’t know they were narcissists to begin with and narcissist are champions to make people trust them in the beginning they will do all what you want in the beginning and insist that you should trust them some even get angry when you doubt them but if you trust them too much they will throw you under the bus and later put the blame on you because you were too « difficult » to deal with

[@selahrichardson]

This is what The Spirit told me. Thank you for the affirmation. It's very healing and therapeutic. 🙏

[@bob-hy1vk]

I have had the experience of 3 times of these narcissists in a close relationship actually trusting me because they all stated that they trust me because I am too stupid to be underhanded and too innocent. This helped me as they trusted me when I required them to sign legal documents. How lucky I was.

[@ashwinithakur720]

Thank you Dr. You are the first Doctor who is compassionate towards my kind of people. It gives me hope and encouragement to push myself again on my hard climb.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

God bless and good luck on your journey. The hard work will be worth it when you get to the top.

[@binopetersen]

NEVER

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. Looking to be vulnerable. Powerful words.

[@lyndaputz3316]

Would you please share how to help someone break free from the bondage of self-deception?

[@alejandro_vallejo_calvo]

Solution: Truly open your eyes, look around and take resolute, logical, appropriate actions. That’s it.

[@scottwwsi]

I caught her getting out of some guy's truck after she told me she was going out with her grandson. she screamed at me "you just gotta trust me!!" great video.

[@tearthangel373]

The VA said that I was expecting too much to be able to trust my x spouse 100 💯 percent 😮

[@tearthangel373]

I can trust Jesus 100 💯 percent and I won’t trust another man again 😊

[@karenkuske5567]

❤🔥 same

[@yendor86]

What should I do in response to my years of abuse by my covert narcissist wife? Not trust women?

[@NonyaSmith]

Weird. Your imagined, one-sided "relationship" with someone who literally isn't there is really delusional and unhealthy. Most *well trained and reputable* mental health professionals, who don't interject their personal religious ideology - which, if ethical, they shouldn't - would use standards and measures in psychology to evaluate a delusional one-sided relationship with a someone in your mind as a form of mental illness. At the very least as very unhealthy. It's tantamount to having an imaginary friend but far worse as you think that imaginary person is going to somehow save you. To take it one step further by saying you'll never trust another actual human man again lieu of this imaginary person, someone no human can measure up against, is extreme.

[@tearthangel373]

@@NonyaSmith Exactly! Therapy is not one sided but explains the Dysfunctional z dynamics in relationships

[@yendor86]

@@NonyaSmith The fact that you come here and feel entitled to lob insults and use extremely condescending speech against someone who’s belief differ from yours may be the largest indicator of an unhealthy mentality. People who are so coldly insulting and have an exaggerated view of themselves or their own intelligence are the real danger here. Somehow you didn’t get the lessons at home to be nice and respectful to people. Maybe if you did have some faith in a higher power you would feel some accountability for your words and would feel the need to be kind and ‘treat others how you would like to be treated’.

[@incognito595]

I don't believe A Word They Say. Nothing.

[@jesseskellington9427]

I'm listening and I am going to acknowledge that you can't be fully Trusted. I will: 1. test 2. verify 3. confront 4. hold accountable If you choose you can give an opportunity for future change and growth What does that mean? That means I can say to this person. If you want to be a trusted partner of mine in the future here's: What you can do (Fill in the Blank) Here's what you will do (Fill in the Blank) How do we test this will happen? (Fill in the Blank) When do we verify (Fill in the Blank) When do we confront together (Fill in the Blank) How do we hold accountable to offer future opportunities for change and growth.

[@richhava]

Cuz they're full of evil sir

[@harmonicabraceforguitar1523]

Thank you sir. That was good. We are living in hard times, concidering we are living in the age of feminism. Women are and must be believed. Men have to pay and be responcible but at the same time we are disrespected. The courts, churches and society in general are feminist institutions and màny are run and controled by narcissist. If we have to pay for everything then we should have some say so in matters. Any nan that would get married in these times is a fool. He will still have to support her, even if she is sleeping with someone else next week or the rest of her life. Women run down the fathers to the children while he is at work. The schools are controlled by psychologist who also promote all of this. I call it the castoration of America.

[@dukeneubecker6976]

So...if we can't trust them 100% of the time, AND we need to be able to trust someone 100% of the time to be in a healthy relationship, then how can you expect anyone to stay in a relationship with a narcissist (which is the premise of your platform)? If you are asking someone to stay in the relationship to help them heal, you are asking that person to sacrifice their own mental and emotional health for the sake of the narcissist.

[@drdavidbhawkins]

We do not ask anyone to stay in the relationship, we only offer help to those who have chosen to stay or that is their goal, not ours. Our number one goal is emotional healing for individuals, marriage reconciliation if that is their goal, comes second.

[@jakecarlo9950]

Can you believe… that shirt?