Why you can't find your PERSONAL STYLE...

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

What do you think has held you back from finding your personal style? 👇 Comment below so we can all learn more from each other! Thanks so much for watching! ❤ x

[@gaelle4328]

Combo of fantasy self ie howI used to look and love to look and myself after being cronically ill for 20 years plus perimenopause and wheelchair … things look very diffrent in a wheelchair, proportions etc plus often mostly to cold sometimes to hot plus have a couple ofdiffrent life situations.

[@catherinecampbell1215]

I found my personal style by being realistic about the climate I live in. I live in a very cold city and I realized that the only way I wouldn't hate everything I wore in the winter was to find the chicest versions of warm clothes I could find (ie. wool blazers, trench coats, boots with grip that are still stylish, etc...). Recently I realized that I love my winter clothes but hate my summer ones and decided that if I took a lot of the same colors and silhouettes from my winter wardrobe and translated it to summer cuts, fabrics and styling, that I would love what I am wearing. I now finally do not hate my summer clothes anymore and I feel as though my whole wardrobe is becoming more cohesive as a whole.

[@bingohere]

and the fact that I live in a warm region and my fantasy wardrobe and style is filled with warm clothing like coats, boots.. ohh life is unfair

[@likeargamanflaming940]

Ok, weighing in here, same with the warm climate location. I have a suede skirt that I refuse to get rid of. I wear it in our winter.months...but definitely 75% of what I own is for summer....

[@jenjenirish]

One tip I got from someone was to take the “maybe” pile, and force yourself to wear those. Then, you’ll either fall in love with it again, or you’ll know you don’t want it.

[@n.m4048]

I'd add "Color Theory" to this list. Knowing what color pallet compliments you makes a huge difference. Once I understood this, I looked at all the pieces I never reached for and most of them were not colors that suited me.

[@robynparsons5598]

Great ideas, just to add to your Maybe box when clearing your wardrobe. Try actually wearing the item for the day. You might find there is a reason why you don't wear something. Eg, it might not fit right, it might not feel comfortable. So you can immediately cull before putti g an item into your box for the next 3 or 4 months. 😊

[@karicallaway5065]

My bottom line is that I love fashion so it's all good in my book. Probably my only criteria is to buy quality made items made with sustainable fabrics but other than that I say ditch the rules and have some fun.

[@brontec9769]

Having children is the BIGGEST style changer - your body goes through so many phases and in my case I was a size bigger everywhere, including shoes! It took me two years postpartum to find my style again and now I'm loving it. Here's to effortless french girl! :)

[@brownhairedgirl23]

The fantasy selves point just hit the nail on the head for me! I have several fantasy selves and they all are so different. I often get into phases where I am repulsed by the other ones and splurge on buying things for that one aesthetic I’m currently into, and then in 2-3 weeks, j find myself, unpacking the old things I’ve packed away and regretting the things I’ve donated. That’s why the YES NO MAYBE system is tricky for me. For example, my fantasy selves are: - pink coquette ballet girl (I also dance ballet) - social butterfly cowgirl - green, yellow, brown palette with hippie, 70s and nature vibes - mini skirts, girly heels, vanity desk accessories, curls and perfume (sex and the city vibes)

[@dylancag977]

TY for mentioning TRANSITION. I have been super confused and unable to streamline because of so many changes. Change is of course the only constant but moving 11 times in 2.5 years, different relationships, cities, career avenues, activities, sports, people, business, weather, just no way to have the right 'tools' for all those 'situations'. At least not without feeling like I lost huge parts of myself, sacrificed interest for practicality. But, that said, it did force me to make choices I didn't and wouldn't have otherwise made. Add a tendency to lose things on top of all that and it's heart breaking. So much time and effort going into that key item only to have it 'poof'... disheartening. And the Fantasy self! Oh that is so good. Def hit home that one. And brought more creed to building a wardrobe based on how many hours we spend in what mode. (Of course again when that mode is always changing...sigh). TY! You're gorgeous!

[@celialopez9007]

So good! My fantasy self was definitely interfering in my personal style and costing me a lot of money. My fantasy self was a vintage wearing Zoe Deschanel type, but really, my true vibe is far more low key and casual, and my style greatly improved once I came to terms with that. Alyssa Beltempo is a divine person, and so are you! You ladies are my top two people to watch for feel good style inspiration 💕

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Love that you learnt this about yourself and your style 😍 🥰🙃❤️ thank you for such kind words lovely xx

[@amikrenzel5788]

My biggest roadblocks are first my fantasy self. She has places to go and dress up for. Second place has been some dramatic changes in my job, moving, living a nomadic life for a bit and moving to new communities multiple times the last 7 years. I think I have settled again for a bit in a small, rural area. My new life is outdoors hiking and doing alot of exploring. Very casual. I have packed clothes into Ikea bags for my more dressed up self where I can still pull them out. I can still dress up my casual self with my fun collection of jewlery......I have NEVER decluttered jewelry so I have 60 years of things to have fun with. I grew up in the late 60's early 70's so I will always have a hippie spin on everything even if it is very subtle.

[@kathrynbursch9061]

Figuring our my colors was a BIG help for me. What currently holds me back is elevating outfits.

[@thatswhatisaidCA]

This was fun and fresh for me, thank you! (I also love Alyssa Beltempo, so good!) For context, I'm 59; hi from Canada. While you were talking in the last segment, it occurred to me that many (ALL of my friends) don't dress "up" or sometimes go straight for sloppy comfort, and it's all about insecurity on personal worth, the expectations of people and culture around you, and/or just feeling more irrelevant or "how to" age into their golden years. I suspect it's our age group; many have stayed home for a bit probably raising children, probably counted their pennies for years, and now life has changed and they are trying to get their head around that. After watching you for the first time here, I will def recommend your channel, thank you! 🤗

[@samanthacurious]

I absolutely love your advices! Personally I have 2 separate sections in my wardrobe, one is for my fantasy self and the other is for my real self. ❤

[@sophieclinnick95]

That’s a good idea!

[@SoNick25]

Every day, every season, every year I am discovering new things about my personal style. Something that held me back was watching KZbin videos about 'YOU NEED THESE ITEMS in your wardrobe' or ESSENTIAL ITEMS, etc. As a dress/skirt person dressing in a semi-formal work environment, being told I needed these pants or those jeans or this cami or those shoes, or you should wear neutrals etc really wasn't practical for MY wardrobe. Stupidly, I did end up purchasing a lot of those things... Side note: Alyssa is fabulous! Have a great week!

[@melocoton7]

feeling the need to make my closet more interesting and adding colors and cuts that in theory would have a positive impact. I was afraid of always looking the same. Which in hindsight is pretty much what a personal style is. When you or others look at you and say, that's so you. I feel way more content with my wardrobe since I accepted that I do indeed have a "look" and to just embrace it.

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Ohhhhh this is so good. I can 100% relate to this, and honestly it hadn’t crossed my mind in the way you have explained it. Thank you sharing! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@joy2thaworld294]

Great commentary. What has stopped me from finding my style is actually knowing what I like. I took the time to pay attention to my likes and dislikes to find me.

[@louisashakespierian1204]

I really liked your suggestion to look back at your old outfits from pics! Now it just boils down to looking through photo albums and Facebook! The. I can realize what I gravitate towards and what I really glow up in.!

[@carriehodges6566]

Love alyssa-she informs and inspires without making me want to shop! My age and stage has been muddling my style -I’m approaching 70 and will retire in this next year. I love clothes and styling what I wear, but I cannot imagine how to translate my style into being home.

[@tfloyd6651]

It may not be the same for you, but I found myself getting clothes which I felt confortable getting muddy in the garden and blobbed with paint. Half my office wear was suitable for travel and dining out, so I kept a fair number pieces. I think jewlry is the thing I don't quite know how to part with; I have an array of watches and rings that probably need a new home.

[@margeling4718]

Alyssa is fabulous!

[@PracticalPip]

I love this so much! As I have been purging my closet and reorganizing it the past two days, I realize how much of a fantasy world I have been living in. As I purge all my super high stiletto heels I can no longer wear because I am old now, I feel quite powerful about this realization. I also have way too much puffy sleeve clothing that is so not me and not sure why I bought it thinking it would magically become me.

[@donnamc81]

Following trends held me back trends change every season so you end up changing your style every season and never taking a step back to think what actually suits your body shape and life style and you never find YOUR OWN personal style because you're constantly copying what the celebrities are wearing or influencers are wearing

[@MCHART21]

Great advice! I love your videos ❤ My fantasy self is the ‘minimalist cool rich girl’ I like the idea of not throwing it out but incorporating aspects of that to fit my own lifestyle.

[@Moongirl68]

I also love those 2 styles!! Now I know I need to find a realistic happy medium of both!

[@frenchstyle7038]

Thanks for this great reminder Emily! ☺What resonates the most with me is trying to copy an outfit vs being inspired by it. I used to be tempted to copy some outfits until I made the effort to find my own style. Love your new hairstyle! 🥰

[@wendys243]

All these points make great sense! Thanks so much Emily!

[@hafdisbjarnadottir2943]

Another thing that has held me back is that my fantasy self lives in a warm climate, but my real self lives in a cold country and my outfits need to have layers, just in case I will be freezing during the day. Short sleeve shirts with big puffy sleeves are not going to work for me, I have to be able to layer a sweater or cardigan over them. And for summer I want to wear bright colours, so thick, colourful wool sweaters for me!

[@justkeepgrowing1994]

The copying part really rings true to me. If I see someone either in real life or online wearing something I think is “cool”, I have to buy that whole outfit, even if it’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to wear or that would suit my lifestyle and personal style. Not necessarily the exact brands, but the exact same styles and colours. It’s hard to get out of this habit, I think because i grew up in a poor family so we never got new “cool” clothes so now I feel like I need everything I see. I end up feeling like a fraud or uncomfortable. I love the concept of determining what it is you do like about your “fantasy self(s)” and merging it into your own true style. I really like the 3 word rule that Alyssa Beltempo speaks about in one of her videos ☺️

[@mirandaharmata2905]

I appreciate your considered and intelligent approach to the topic of personal style. It challenges me to look with a more discerning eye at the numerous and diverse items in my (overfull) wardrobe which I must confess causes me great stress any time I struggle to find a particular item in it. Thank you Emily 💫

[@louiseparisotto3630]

What a great video. This is the first time I'm seeing one of your videos but this is full of information presented in a positive light (love your smile); I live in a small (summer tourist) town so I feel limited in being creative with my wardrobe - just not necessary. People here don't get dressed up, we're much more casual and so I've adopted that style, plus I'm athletic and tend to wear that type of clothing. I have bought too many nice things for 'just in case' which rarely get worn and need to learn to stop spending money on seldom used items. "learn from my mistakes". I have subscribed and look forward to new videos and will certainly go back and watch older ones.

[@hafdisbjarnadottir2943]

What has held me back from finding my personal style is...I feel that I am so many things! I have multiple interests and I work multiple jobs doing very different things (that require different levels of formality and "vibe"), so it can be hard to pinpoint exactly "who" or "what" I am style-wise. I'm also trying to not look older than I am (I'm 46), without looking like I'm desperately trying to seem young (is this my life now? I don't know if anyone my age here feels this way too). Weather also plays a role, I live in Iceland and it's chilly here all year round. That said, I feel now that I'm finding a style I'm comfortable with, some mixture of quirky and simple/classic. I might wear simple jeans or trousers paired with a patterned and/or colourful top part that can be layered (shirt + cardi, or turtleneck + knit sweater). I like to have some kind of playfulness in my outfit, without it becoming like a costume, just enough so I feel like I'm expressing my personality without it being very much "out there". I enjoy watching people style outfits with multiple layers but I feel most like myself when I have a simple outfit with a dash of colours, patterns and/or textures.

[@williamkazak469]

Very interesting video. Growing up there will be many phases that we all go through. Dressing appropriately for our age and for the situation eventually finds its place for us. After the trends and all the changes and the fun of experimentation, I have found what is working for me. It does involve discarding this or that item and realizing the colors that work for me and the types of fabrics that have endured in my choices. You do not need to look like a peacock, outshing everyone else. It is however, cafe society. I look at you. You look at me. So give them someting worthwhile to look at. That is that you actually gave your outfit a thought and that you do care about your appearance.

[@cg50621Q]

I think one of the places I've been challenged is following people who are terrific KZbinrs, but whose style is really different from my own. There are universal lessons we can learn from others regardless of their style, but I follow too many who prefer a classic style. Because I like them, I think I want their clothes or outfits when often I need to stick more to my own style. I enjoyed the outfits you wore in the video clips. Glad I'm here!

[@AussieERS]

I have a "pergatory" wardrobe (aka my "time will tell") box) and I find it so helpful!

[@banjetta]

New follower here, I enjoy your approach. One thing that jumped out to me, is your referencing other influencers in several posts. I get giving shout outs to others, I truly do. However, you are already established and hope you I’ll consider discontinuing references of other influencers, as your minimalist style is mesmerizing in itself, hence why we are your fans♥️

[@kittykittoon]

I've always thought you had a lovely effortless Frenchy style Emily. ☺ You make a good point: its the descriptor words that are key. And yess Alyssa B is great. Love your cute new haircut.

[@64Biina]

I have never contemplated what my 'fantasy style' is. I gravitate towards classic and chic, certainly. Sometimes even edgy. I'll have to think about it some more I think. Thanks for another insightful video Emily! xx

[@TheCelestialhealer]

YT knew I was thinking about this! After covid, I am lost in boring clothes. Fantasy self, you are completely right!

[@jacquelinea8224]

Emily! What a GREAT video. The pace, the perfectly researched references (YES! Alyssa Beltempo is a divine person) and the quotes support your tips so nicely. My fantasy self is the same as yours...French girl, carefree hippie. I've melded the to Boho Chic. But here's what's holding me back. I've decluttered my wardrobe so much that my rail is nearly all neutrals. I lean toward cool colors, which are really tough to source. No beige trenches for me. And to be honest, structured things make me want to rip off the collars (carefree hippie). So finding the silhouettes I long for in the colors I fantasize about is nearly impossible. The result is my real self in black white and navy. Boring.

[@saramaloney6082]

I hear you on this! I need cool tones as to not look like I just left hospital...tough to find the cooler neutrals that aren't gray or navy.

[@jacquelinea8224]

@@saramaloney6082 Thanks for the chuckle. ❣️

[@katem3961]

Loved this video Emily! My fantasy self is ye olde world, think Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice) 😅 Liked this style from a very tiny child. I love velvet and lace etc but live my life mostly in hospital scrubs 🤣 Alyssa Beltempo is absolutely fabulous. Thank you for your excellent content as always ❤

[@drfattie]

One thing I like to do that helps me to always be working on my personal style is to plan out my outfits each week and then I try to pick one Adam to wear each day. That is some thing I haven’t worn in a long time and then I see how I feel when I have it on. Usually I keep it because I’m pretty good about not purchasing things that I don’t really want but sometimes I try on and then I decide I’m ready to donate.

[@shojinryori]

Aww, I haven’t thought about Francine/Miss Minimalist for ages! I loved reading her blog. I’m going to go back and reread. 😊

[@Minamibam]

This is gold! Thank you so much for sharing

[@brendaashton6428]

New to your channel and really enjoying your content. Great tips today. Thanks. Also love your shoutouts to Alyssa Beltempo and Dawn from Minimal Mom! I fhave been following both of them for over a year. 😊

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Aww thank you and welcome! So glad you’re enjoying the videos. I’m a KZbin watcher as well as creator 😋😋 Love shouting out to other great creators 🤍🤍🤍 x

[@halinameson2946]

Well done, Emily. Very clearly stated and enlightening. You are beautiful inside and out. ;)

[@pennyditchfield9944]

That was very insightful, thanks Emily!

[@janeonthecoast4920]

Yup, my fantasy is sport chic - linen, leather, short but gorgeous hair...real self is usually in garden or cleaning henhouse in old Ts and short unruly hair sticking up every which way😆

[@angelamelum4304]

This was a great video. My problem is comparing myself with and listening to some influencers. I don’t for the most part. I appreciate videos like this that remind me I don’t have to dress or look like everyone else.

[@TheLily97232]

Take time off the internet... it helps a lot. Because weirdly, a LOT of girlies online dress pretty similar, that woman included. She's the perfect image of that "fantasy self" she says she's not. And many of them are as well

[@fnma21]

​@TheLily97232 right, they all have the same "personal style" 😅

[@linillionairestv8256]

New subscriber here loved your advice dear Emily. More styling outfit tips to come. Thumbs up🥰

[@AULOcanugo]

This video was so informative and very helpful to me! I have been struggling for years over finding my personal style

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

I’m so glad you found it helpful! Thank you for watching 🥰🥰❤️🙏🏽x

[@barbaralyn7019]

Seasons change…. Out with the summer clothing, in with the autumn…. Then winter and spring. I have a hard time wearing the same colors/clothing through all the different seasons…😆

[@greatful1512]

I would highly recommend try to incorporate stuff from the "maybe" box in your everyday life, and then decide

[@jessica5657]

Change of location and lifestyle. I loved my style but it did not suit my new life which also encompasses a more casual style and location. I love my casual style but it used to be my weekend or Mom style. So I had to flip my casual, country style to 80% and my city, smart style to 20% and now I wear that for date night, going out with friends, brunch, or church. I don’t need as much of it anymore but it’s hard letting go of the pieces since I love them. Trying to style some of them in more casual ways.

[@mycxvideo5482]

This video is so down to earth and informative. Love it!

[@amarazo8499]

hello, these are great tips! Could you also tell me where you got the first pair of wide leg pants you try on for us a couple times?

[@lindaoregan9599]

I live in 2 different climates. One cool and one very hot just like your climate actually. I need two different styles and that's quite difficult and sometimes I get it wrong specially when I travel from one to the other. Xx

[@yn6591]

Love it! So true! ❤

[@טלבן-לולו]

Great video!

[@cynicallyyours61]

Personal style, equals being realistic about your income, what you feel comfortable in and good in. When others compliment you on what you wear and how you wear it, how you look in it, pay attention. And all parents need to teach their children how to look after and fold and put away our clothes so we know what we have and we need to regularly go through our clothing to get rid of what we don't wear. We should stop dreaming about a life we don't have and dress for the life we do have. We aren't all Kardashians and we don't all have the income to purchase these designer looks. I have seen some amazing thrifters who can have those designer looks for a fraction of the price and they don't need to buy label fashion to look great.

[@Tamara-gl5vk]

I want to be comfortable and weather appropriate. I am tored of having to look good from other people. I have lounge clothes and going outside the house clothes. I usually hate my going outside the house clothes. I just hate that people judge you on what you wear I just want to stop thinking of clothes or what I wear. I would just want to wear the same 3 sets of going out clothes and have some really comfy lounge/at home clothes.

[@fnma21]

But it is nice to look at nicely dressed people, right? So why not dress nicely yourself?

[@sallyd8661]

This is a great video. Even at 50 I can see I make a lot of these mistakes. Thanks x

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

I’m glad you found it helpful 🙏🏽💖 thank you for watching x

[@ginay4878]

I used to watch Alyssa but stopped bc I realized she has a lot of clothes! And a lot of expensive clothes and accessories. As an influencer I feel the message she sends is conflicted and unattainable for many. I now prefer watching stylists that are truly minimalists and about style and not promoting expensive brands

[@fnma21]

Agree!

[@VioletLaLaMoon]

Fantasy self is my biggest block. Also I’m afraid to wear some of my creations. 😬

[@MrLachris]

Love your style and your videos! Kisses from France❤❤❤

[@marilynmansilla8383]

Could you do a video where you show us how to fold clothes and organize our wardrobes?

[@izaskun64]

Loved it! 😍😍😍

[@donnamc81]

I would make the time will tell box 12 months not four you need to go through every season before you decide you will never wear it again

[@andreiamajor2465]

Great video

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Glad you liked it!🥰❤️🙏🏽

[@TaniaEstes]

Every time I throw something out, I end up needing it later and regret it. Now I retire things to a big plastic tub in my garage. That way if I need it again, I can go back and get it.

[@clairewillow6475]

I call that “time will tell” box. The more I declutter routinely, the better I get at knowing what to keep or not. But with the items I’m not sure about, your idea works well

[@MadeyBytes]

Great video! Can you link the linen pants at 6:39?

[@bethl]

Another great way to find your creative self is to “do” the book The Artist’s Way.

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Ooo I have heard of the book but haven’t read it. Do you mean “do” as in, do the course that’s available with it? 🙏🩷 xx

[@bethl]

@@EmilyElizabethMay You do stream of consciousness writing every morning (my favorite), take yourself on regular Artist Dates for inspiration, & each chapter has a series of exercises that you choose from. It can truly open mental blocks and be life-changing!

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

@@bethl love this! I’ve added this to my read list 🙏🙏🩷

[@danielleg1504]

I feel like I’m more successful than ever with my wardrobe after becoming a mom… It’s really been about leaning into my quirky/nerd side without shame.

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

I think I would have to agree. The first year I struggled, but now I have settled more into motherhood, my style and needs have become so much more clear. Thanks for sharing xx

[@sallyd8661]

Hi Emily I’m new to your channel and want to start with developing my personal style. Could you please direct me to where I should start for this on your channel Thanks Sally x

[@user-xt3cl7gr9p]

Where did you get those black booties? Thank you

[@rinainlondon8]

thank you

[@yap4808]

My fantasy self wears high heels with platform,everyday. I loved the 2k Kim K outfits,thats my fantasy self😂. But i dont drive and dont have the type of lifestyle that would "allow" me to wear those heels-maybe if i go out to the club and have someone to hold me all night long😂. I have so many issues with my wardrobe in the warmer months,i HATE summer and all thats over 20*C, my style in those months is veeerry potato-like and i dont feel my best

[@anniew6085]

Where is this green tshirt from please?

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Second hand Zulu and zephyr ❤️❤️

[@sarahdaraja]

“Effortless French girl” 😂

[@pinayinuk]

Nice

[@saskiapurbojo6117]

Very curious what the brand of your jeans is? :D (3.15)

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Hi lovely. These are an old pair of Reformation jeans which I cut the hem off. Unfortunately they don’t make this style anymore 🥺❤️ x

[@sewmuchsewing]

Nice video.

[@siscaudle8715]

A big thing that stops me from "my style" is my body shape. 😢

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

I’m sorry this is how you feel ❤️ maybe I can help hash a few things out with you, if you want? What is your body shape? And what types of styles do you admire on others?

[@anniemazariegos621]

Ery nice video

[@javiernava8362]

Hola plis le puedes poner subtítulos en español para los latinos que te seguimos thenki

[@sigriddjernaes]

Great video! For sorting your closet I really like Allison Bornstein's concept of Hows? Things we don't wear because we don't know how kzbin.info/www/bejne/hoeafJ2riZmZZ7M My fantasy self seems to be a girl twirling in a flower field in France or walking on a greek beach wearing beautiful lightweight summer dresses - when reality is that I live in northern Europe and it rarely gets hot enough to wear those kind of dresses 😆

[@pennyditchfield9944]

I just watched it, very helpful too!

[@sigriddjernaes]

Happy to hear that 😄

[@ingrid48]

Do you live on your own??

[@EmilyElizabethMay]

Nope. With my fiancé and baby ❤️

[@lizziehough8396]

Money?LOL

[@TheLily97232]

I don't think I really struggle to have a personal style because I take time to choose my pieces and I mostly like the way I dress. But I am intrigued