Why You Care What Other People Think (with Kapil Gupta)

Highlight from episode 373 with Kapil Gupta, MD. Watch the entire episode: / theminimalists
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[@TheMinimalists]

What are you afraid of?

[@deedoodles465]

I'm afraid of being stagnant and not being able to pursue a simple life. Because hustle is appreciated but a simple life is a failure.

[@grandmasewhappyhomestead187]

As I'm going through things I wonder if I'm ever going to get done I feel like a turtle. Now I know a turtle does end up finishing the race. But it's had me do a lot of thinking why did I think I need it all the stuff. Years ago they used to have you think the more stuff on your walls the better the more stuff you had the better which is the farthest from the truth! I may not be a minimalist I don't know one day but I know for now I love in many areas less is better. It makes my space feel so big and I more free. I really appreciate all that you share. I'm afraid I'm not going to get it done fast enough so I can just enjoy my days. My stuff was in places and it was in containers but it doesn't mean my containers had to be full. Letting go I've had to learn the word trust. Trust when I need it I'll be able to find it. And I will not put any pressure on my children to keep anything they get to be themselves!

[@DerasCouture]

Over-cluttering my schedule which in turn reduces the time I have to invest in learning more about God, praying and speaking to God and Bible study! I can do all things through him, but I do need to be careful with where my thoughts are spent 😊

[@dianeyoung8068]

The projections of other people.

[@scrollkidsylable6793]

I've developed really silly fears.... like the fear of small talk with certain ppl...when im shopping I fear bumping into ppl I wish not to see at the supermarket... I fear seeing my neighbors cause I've never said hello to them since they moved in 2 years ago but feel the urge to say hi to them ... maybe the consequence is a combo of rejection and worrying that the interaction is going to eat up unnecessary Time..more the latter

[@lewiswinner6634]

Pure truth by Kapil, thank you. One cares what other people think because, in the span of a life, one builds relationships to the people around him. One lives through a self image, making sure to smell well and look good and speak nicely and listen patiently, all to please the world around one. Why? Because one gets a lot of joy from being accepted and respected by others. But along with the joy comes a lot of anxiety, as they are two sides of one coin. The fear of not being accepted and respected is the natural consequence. One will try everything to get rid of the anxiety, while trying to keep all the joy. So one will look for solutions without even knowing the roots of the problem. Reading self-help books and writing gratitude journals only perpetuates the fruitless journey. Meditation and yoga and thankfulness give short term pleasure without leading to an arrival, as the intent of getting better is the very thing that keeps a person from reaching any destination. As Kapil said, there is no implication that anyone should get anywhere. It's a matter of understanding where one is and where one wants to arrive.

[@videohistorysnippets8963]

What others think about you is none of your business is my philosophy in life.

[@Realg401]

I’m trying to take that in

[@elaineclaire7063]

As a highly sensitive person, i can relate - i used to be really bothered with criticisms especially those who do not know me in the first place - but we all know hurt people hurt people - so they're just raising their opinions because of what they lack of , till i started meditations - to block out the noise and focus on the strengths that i've. Is not easy to not care especially when they're the ones you love - but sometimes we've to let the words pass as we are the ones who we truly know ourselves - People are just criticizing as they do not know who they are, let go. What an awesome start to the new year, Happy new year guys - here's to more mindblowing content ❤️

[@alkenkeso2362]

I struggled with this every single day and I don't know what to do about it, On top of of me thinking deeply of what other people think about me, I also hear peoples conversations as negatively. It has effected me at work, because I can not work in environment where there are people especially when their is conversations I cant hear and I hear mumble and feel like its against me. its mental health thing I know. I am highly sensitive person and that might be because of ADHD too. Ever since my mental breakdown, I was never the same, put a wall around myself and started to really take toll on me in every-way. At one point someone told me best cure is really to try your best to "expose" yourself to everyday world, but its hard because negative talks set me back and I refuse to go out. I am lonely and got nobody to relate with. Thank you for posting this video, would love to get help here, see what I can do. Best of luck to you!

[@alanbirkner1958]

My mother in law used to ask me what the neighbors would say. We had very few new clothes, no new furniture and three little kids at the time. My mom was a hoarder so I've always been comfortable with less stuff than most people. The kids could make things with newspapers and cardboard boxes. Tina, Al's wife

[@Lifeisbeautiful-ri2tb]

I used to care about what people think but then life experience made me realize that I can’t please most people no matter what I do. Most people are judgmental and they criticize.

[@kayokk-]

More… more Kapil Gupta, all day. Absolutely brilliant!

[@katiecollins688]

While I try to be a blessing to others, i agree you don’t need to care what opinions someone has of you. I would say a gratitude journal sounds great. Studies have shown how beneficial writing is for you and helps you retain information AND that can greatly make you appreciate the things you have and not focus on what you don’t have or negative thoughts- including the negative opinions someone may have of you. I know everyone doesn’t pray, but I keep a prayer/important thoughts journal and when I started minimalism a year ago I began writing about it and I’ll occasionally look back on what I’ve written and it’s been so helpful to see how far I’ve come and all the unexpected benefits minimalism has brought to my life. It’s definitely made me grateful and really has helped me not compare my life to others.

[@charlessavoie2367]

I'm into wearing skirts as a man. It's what everyone wore before horseback riding changed men's habits to wear pants all the time. No courage is necessary. Indifference only. I will not be controlled by prejudices intentionally fomented by psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and ministers. They said all the same bad things about women in pants back in the day see for ex "A Curious Disease" editorial about women in pants, New York Times, May 27, 1876, page 6, column 6. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry said much the same garbage in 1981.

[@mssendfitness]

I'm not afraid of people or experiences. I have already felt and experienced the deepest physical and mental/emotional feelings I believe a human could feel. Its dark. So knowing that's what I'm afraid of and that I have survived it gives me hope for my end of life. This is why I became a minimalist. If being concerned with what other people think should affect me, I lost touch a long time ago. I stopped caring what others thought and almost also I would say about others too(losing empathy to a degree). I have concern for others well-being, and have interest in certain people, but people in general don't want to show empathy because they want the attention of others.. "Look at me, and my job, my social status, look at my big family, look at the friends I have, look at where I've traveled..etc" None of it matters to another person, only the one who cares what others think. Sure, others might ask about certain things, but eventually they move on to talking about themselves. Humans are inward focused mentally. I think it's a good thing only we hear our inner thoughts. But woe to the person who shares what they think of others who care about what others think.

[@PrestoJacobson]

Everything comes down to realizations of one's self. Thank you Kapil; very cool.

[@chantelbritton-cole397]

I tell myself that’s none of my business…it’s helpful when you are a people pleaser too

[@HananBenNafa]

Simply put, great wisdom.

[@coleyod]

We will always care what other people think. But it's ok, it's not something to get rid of, just accept it and move forward

[@nadk666]

Probable reasons? 1. Expectation to be liked by others. Seems like our mind lives in survival mode and needs the status, liking so it's feels secure about it. It's a made up reality where mind lives in. 2. Seeking attention to fill a hole probably left by a parent during childhood who didn't pay enough attention or love when one required. This meant you need to try harder for the love and attention. 3. Too much criticism early on led to a strong memory and a self image, that you aren't enough and need approval first before you can feel good about yourself. If one practices to be aware in situations where mind takes over and sees the self reacting, acting in the situation, it should dissolve the pattern.

[@williamclark1244]

Umm...ok. That wasn't confusing at all.

[@rayjones4951]

Most people would say that they are a good person

[@Ponzuu28]

If I want to read self-help books and watch videos and I feel that it helps me I’m gonna continue to do it. Thank you.

[@williamclark1244]

I completely agree.

[@dasvwill]

He is just inviting you to question Why you feel it helps? what's behind that feeling, what motivates that feeling... he is rough when he talks but he is wise.

[@thruschizoaffectiveeyes]

Don't try not to care or not to be worldly. Do what?

[@DerasCouture]

1 Corinthians 3:19, NIV: For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: 'He catches the wise in their craftiness'; In the Bible Corinthian it explains

[@viida.p]

Why is it suffering?

[@MichaelBiebersWorld]

Is Gupta a nihilist?

[@RichardTLDR]

Not true.