Why You MUST Free Yourself From Family Shame NOW

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***
Growing up with parents who brought shame on the family can leave you with a core identity that triggers you to self-sabotage relationships and blocks your trauma healing. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who was abused and neglected, who has struggled to raise her children and now needs strength to recover and get back on her feet.
***
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[@annakalakatroni4708]

Dear Jennifer, your story brought tears to my eyes. Maybe you'll never read this and I don't know you, but I feel for you. Know that you are precious and a very very strong woman! I pray that your life will turn to the best, you absolutely deserve it. God bless you and your kids. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@annakalakatroni4708]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy well thank you so much for your channel and especially all the work you do! It means a lot. Wish you all the best 😊

[@thnkr0917]

Jennifer had a baby at 16 years old and she kept her and is raising her! Jennifer needs to stop seeing herself as a failure and recognize the strength it takes for a 16 year old to step up, grow up and mother her child. She also walked away from a man she wanted to be with, because he was not being appropriate for her children because of his drinking. Once again, she put her kids first, unlike so many other Moms, unlike her own mother. Jennifer has done so much already!

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

Yes... Indeed!

[@darlenelewis8113]

0p0p

[@beverlymcclean1872]

0

[@lori3978]

I really like your comment.

[@thoughtsonredbudhill]

She's so strong!

[@ushere5791]

i was the scapegoat. i was lower on the family totem pole than even the dog. it took me years to heal, but it can be done! you are not what they tell you you are. you are NEVER what they tell you you are unless what they tell you is that you are precious, special, and dearly loved because the world is better with you in it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@ushere5791]

@@tracivarner9295 please check out dr. gabor mate's videos on addiction. like anna, dr. ramani, and les carter, dr. mate can help you understand what happened and how to heal from it without having to shell out for therapy. i am thankful you are here and are healing--your sobriety is your best gift to yourself and the world. your family's problems speak to their inner demons, not to anything you are or have done because you are clearly a beautiful, sensitive, loving soul who deserves only the best in life. sometimes, we have to choose our families rather than crapfit ourselves to the dysfunction we are born into. sometimes families heal and we can embrace them, but we have to be prepared to find our own tribes if they don't. you have a wonderful tribe here, so feel free to lean on us and let the dysfunctional people dysfunction. you deserve better. we are here for you.

[@michelepascoe6068]

Dear Cathy from Florida Primary School, South Africa, in the late 1970's: I have wished for so long to find you and apologise for not being a friend to you when you were a neglected child, teased mercilessly by kids at school for having dirty, shabby clothes. As a child, I was just glad it wasn't me being treated unkindly - but as a mother now, I remember you and wish I'd known how to come alongside you. I don't know what you were dealing with at home, but I know it wasn't good and I am sending you hugs and I hope you know it wasn't your fault - you deserved love, safety and friendship. May God bless and keep you wherever you are. I would still love to find you and I am so sorry that you suffered as you did.

[@ballman2010]

This really got to me. My whole life I've been so angry that it felt like the people around me got to move on and live "normal" lives, while I had to live with (and hide) my pain and shame. The fact that _somebody_ noticed _someone_ else's pain and spoke up about it (no matter how long it took) means a lot to me.

[@auntymarushkafah]

A few months back I fell on the sidewalk and broke my hip. The overwhelming emotion I felt immediately was SHAME. And boy oh boy, did the nurses aids and emergency room personnel run with it. They shamed me severely for crying out in pain when they roughly jerked my leg around. I have no idea which childhood experience triggered the shame.

[@auntymarushkafah]

Come to think of it, I do have an idea. As a child I fell and broke my collarbone. I was accused of lying for attention until overnight it puffed up to the size of a cantaloupe. THEN they HAD to take me to a doctor. We were not poor.

[@amandaforrester7636]

As someone in the medical feild with childhood trauma myself who went into this feild to give the kind of love and care I never got, *I AM SO SORRY* for your bad experience with the aides and the ER personale. 😔 that breaks my heart.

[@auntymarushkafah]

@@amandaforrester7636Thank you. It was bad. They stole my pain meds AND the $14 I had on me. I fought like h3ll, then AMA''d out of there right after surgery.

[@katiekane5247]

@@auntymarushkafah I'm so sorry sweetie! I also respond oddly to injury. Mine comes from knowing too young that there were no functional adults to provide care in a crisis. I immediately assume control & then don't process what I need (capital I). I had a severe injury 7 years ago and dealing with lifelong infirmities has been a real struggle for me. Best to you dear, I'm sorry the medical personnel abused you!

[@auntymarushkafah]

@@katiekane5247 Sounds about right. Thanks!

[@bethmendoza1847]

I have that avoidance of high functioning people. I really struggle to allow these people in my life. My mom never allowed people to come to our house, because she knew she was neglecting us, and didn’t want the truth to be seen.

[@ebbyc1817]

so you don't let the perceptive people come close to you, because you don't want the truth of you to be seen.

[@JustHereToHear]

Same with me Beth..

[@georgesonm1774]

Damn that hits home

[@bev9708]

Not ONLY the crazy-making secrets but also being belittled as somehow faulty and stupid for NOT knowing / understanding, so we’re not considered, not included not informed AND shamed for not knowing also!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@ebbyc1817]

yeah like you're automatically supposed to know why your dad is not there, or why your mum is not there, or why your mum won't talk to you....at 12.

[@dominiquejones7260]

@bev you nailed it!

[@Misstressofdons]

A million percent this.

[@lucidneptune]

I would so love to see a video on "avoiding people who have it together" because that resonates with me soooo much

[@sadie9386]

At times I feel have felt very much like a magnet for bullies and bad treatment. A boyfriend told me that he never treated anyone else the way he treated me. Even my mother said , 'I know I say things to you that I would never say to your sister. It's because I feel closer to you'. I take this to mean that people see my lack of boundaries. I have been bullied in the workplace and in the community. I have cut myself off from good people because I fear their judgement and if I'm honest because they seem boring.

[@auntymarushkafah]

I'm a scapegoat.. I fight it, but the jacket stays on. My birth father gave me the jacket when as a kid he told me I was the scapegoat. It stinks. I get the good people are boring part, too, but I think it's the discomfort of hiding my emotional scars around them that's boring.

[@FaithMariee]

I can’t trust anyone. The more someone tries to convince me they care or want me around the more suspicious I become of their intentions or thoughts, and ruin good friendships this way

[@auntymarushkafah]

@@FaithMariee Ditto

[@calvarez519]

Well said. Keep the faith 😊.

[@evonne315]

Same. My ex said I saw the worst of him, and I "created an environment that makes him do bad things". But when I was with him he was a liar and manupulator that used me to get what he wanted telling me how great I was for him and pretended we should stay together forever but pushed me out when I got sick. I was the family mediator and now that I dont serve that purpose I am the scapegoat. I think people find me easy to target, and even easy to abandon because I make it easy for them by being nice and going on my way without a big fuss. My old best friend told me all the time I am too nice and an easy to take advantage of (by her). Now that I hold my boundaries these people are all either out of my life or might as well be. Even 'good friends' have at some point tried to manipulate me into something not good for me or to serve them by ignoring my own needs, not wants but actual needs. I dont call them anymore either. Im starting a new book on life with full honesty first and foremost, and acceptance of who I am. I wont friend needy people anymore. The overly-empathetic person in me is gone, that was all too painful and truly about me wanting to be needed and emmeshment issues not healed. All that did was draw in the wolves, and other emmeshment people pretending to be givers who suck the energy right out of a person. I cant do that anymore.

[@mindofthespirit1543]

*You are not your mother.* You you are Fearfully and Wonderfully made. May your light shine. Bless you dear. Hugs and love.

[@beebomouse]

I know these words aren't for me specifically but they made me tear up anyways. Thank you ♥️

[@thedisappointedoptimist6916]

I'm 30 and moved back in with an abusive parent. Some advice for someone else going through this: YOU need to be the adult this time. Maintain strong boundaries and be aware that parents will always see us as their children, which can sometimes be damaging of you have a parent that refuses to see you as an adult with their own interests.

[@awaywithfairies4689]

Your age doesn't matter Either you are 3, 13, 30... you deserve being respected by your parents and everyone else. Love is optional, but respect is a must!!!

[@MissErinChase]

I'm 20 minutes in and it's blowing me away. I'm pausing until tomorrow. I need a chance to catch my breath. Thank you so much for your work and sharing here on KZbin.

[@howardcohen6817]

I know just how you feel, Erin.

[@bethmendoza1847]

“It’s wasn’t your fault”. The truth of these words opened up the pathways to clear the pain of shame from deep inside. It started my journey to healing. When I realized that we are deeply loved by the source of love itself, and that there’s no condemnation there, that’s what’s changing me, one day at a time.

[@raqueldias7892]

How do you not have your own TV show???!!! Just from the positive things I have learnt from just a KZbin video from you is mind boggling. I just feel like the world needs to hear what you have to say, literally every single human being would benefit from your knowledge. So in depth, absolutely addicted to your videos! Bess.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Gosh, I should hire you to pitch the show! I think it would make a great show too.

[@healingscleroderma]

I agree! I’m 52 and have struggled since 7 years old, tried everything, but your experience and wisdom is what’s keeping me afloat and in hope that my life can finally be normal and healthy! I’m very thankful for you Anna! Bless!❤️⚜️☺️

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Oh her work would get ruined by TV! She'd get stuck promoting products and such, producers and committees would direct her content. This format brings out her own creativity and strengths in their pure form!

[@eringee6052]

"Your dad was a smuck"- one of my many favorites from this...Thank heaven for the vital validation you are providing!!!

[@time2bherenow]

Jennifer, there is only one you in the entire universe & you are here to be you to the fullest, just as the stars shine for all their worth in the night sky. How wonderful that you are here now, shining a light on how you have survived such adversity. It only takes a tiny ray of light to defeat darkness & you are that light. How special is that? How does it get any better than that? Shine on, dear. You are helping others by sharing your story and know that you are not alone. Thank you. Bless you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being so kind and supportive to our letter writer. It means the world. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@nobodynowhere21]

Merciless. "Everyone in this story is merciless. And now you're being merciless to yourself." I've never thought about it with that word before, but that word makes so much sense in my own experience with a similar alcoholic and emotionally unregulated mom. Especially with the men she would choose to bring home, these were really broken guys with big issues but you have no idea how f'd they are because you're a KID.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for your thoughts. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@DigitalCasm]

Ooh. Such a good point. When I've been programmed not to take care of myself and I need to "be useful" to feel value. That blurry boundary makes it easy for narcs and abusers to keep me around. Plus it's hard to walk away from a dance I know all the moves to. Meanwhile - before healing - people who had it together made me feel shame to the point of dysregulation or unhealthy fawning, basking in their "glow." Plus, good people can smell poor boundaries, so good folks would self select out. Especially as I transitioned from childhood to young adult. Yikes. it's such a self reinforcing pattern. It no longer surprises me that it takes decades to pull out of this sort of geosynchronous orbit around all the abuse and neglect.

[@OhK746]

My parents indirectly gave me shame through their public antics. They are incredibly loud and excessively outgoing, and my mother is what many people now call a “Karen-“ constantly drawing public attention with self-entitlement and arguments with strangers. Alcohol was not the issue - their lack of self-awareness has brought me constant public fear and shame, even when they’re not there. I’m trying to overcome it but it’s so hard.

[@saratonnan]

Jennifer your story sounds very much like mine. I commend you for all you're doing! It can & will get better! Hang in there! One thing I decided early on when raising my son was what I called "the crap stops here" , meaning I refused to pass the dysfunctional parenting style of my patents to the next generation and I promised myself that my son would never have 1 day where he would doubt that I love him. It was hard....a very real struggle as a single parent, but worth every minute. My son is the single greatest blessing of my life & my grandkids are the icing on the cake. I now have the family I always wanted. You can do this too! Take care of yourself & God bless. ❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Proud of you for doing your best to make the "crap stop here". Brave & powerful step. Cheers to you! - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@saratonnan]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you. That means a lot. 😊

[@meghancraddock4983]

Where would we be without these videos and courageous letter writers? Thank you so much, Anna and the whole CCF team! ❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I love that you called our letter writers courageous -- it's so true! And support we share with them as a community is so important and appreciated. Thank you. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@SB_McCollum]

Earlier menarche is associated with earlier exposure to sexual behavior or sexualized media content (including books and magazines.) In societies where sexuality is behind closed doors and for married adults only, menarche is later. Bringing in a second husband statistically exposes children to either more sexual behaviors on the part of the adults, mom needs to keep the new partner happy or he is bringing in a sexual vibe (whether he means to or not.) Letting children be children and letting young women be free of sexual pressure is very nearly unheard of now.

[@lockandloadlikehell]

Mothers are the ones most likely to abuse and kill their own children "Mothers More Likely To Be Abusive Than Fathers, Study Suggests"

[@beebomouse]

'Mom needs to keep the new partner happy' isn't a very appropriate conclusion to come to, in my opinion.

[@littlekentucky2294]

Dear letter writer, what a great move to write to this channel. I’m learning My childhood was not a rare freak of nature, MANY people grew up with alcoholic’s, and suffering different types of abuse, mine was physical, and mental, emotional. Just keep trying, keep that goal of giving to your children better then what you had, I’m sending hugs and good energy your way. Things that has helped me… starting watching channel’s like this, going to one on one therapy, church, reading my Bible, I personally like the thought of having a Heavenly Father that loves and protects me…finding people who seem strong and mentally healthy to learn from. Good luck and keep moving forward, the more you do, the less you will feel the need to look back! God bless all the broken hearted that are trying to heal. I’m not where I want to be but at least I’m not where I use to be. I’m working on me.

[@laylarahman11]

Even though your video is always recommended to me, I often don't click/click but don't finish, cause I don't feel the strength/will to face issues so similar to my life. Today I powered through, and I was astonished to see just the sheer strength of your words, the strength of conviction in your character that shines through your speech against family abuse. It's healing to find and listen to a guardian figure that I so needed when I was a kid. Keep doing what you do, it heals us.

[@angieoh2]

Well said. Hear hear!

[@l.landren544]

Only 11 minutes in, I have to pause because I'm crying. My life story's details are quite different to this woman's but the shame resonates. Maybe for the first time ever, it's getting through to me a bit, for a moment right now, that my parents' poor choices and other issues weren't my fault, or my shame to carry. Thank you, Fairy.

[@spiritosa0123]

Jennifer. We are here with you and we HEAR you. Blessings

[@kristenrainey5080]

Wow this letter hit me hard. Her healing will help so many people one day

[@mindmeira]

Respect to you, Jennifer. You reached out for help. You survived. You are motivated for your children. You are healing. You are doing this. Sending prayers, energetic support, and lots of respect. 🤗

[@bev9708]

Jennifer you are so so brave for sharing your story with us, you are helping us ALL !!! THANK YOU 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much for supporting our letter writer. It means a lot! - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@katiekane5247]

Alcohol is the scourge of humanity IMO. It's legality makes it hard to combat.

[@jeannedouglas9912]

Its become a industry. Many try to numb themselves because they too feel shame and despair with life. In 1970 a common belief was I'm OK your Ok. Stone throwing comes in a lot of forms. Even the stone throwing puritans of the prohibition profited greatly from the bootleg market. Im not sure what the answer is but blaming doesn't help anyone. Head games get old real fast. I believe the spirit of love and truth will heal everyone. Maybe that's a crazy belief? Nothing wrong with silly and crazy. Cruel we can do without. Love still rules. Peace to all.

[@EllPhante]

You have overcome so much but I get it, you didnt want to. You didnt want to have to be so strong and mature. You're exhausted and feel shame. You CAN do small things to feel joy in life. What is something you have always wanted to do but just havent? Something that no matter what is happening in your life that you can just do for you? For me it was kayaking. i would put the kids in care for a few hrs and go kayak. It taught me how to create joy in my life for myself even when I was dibillitatingly terrified that my abusive ex would try to kill me. ❤️

[@zoooejenkins]

You’re such a photogenic person. All of your thumbnails are so beautiful.

[@angieoh2]

I can tell this one got to you, Anna. Thanks for powering through and being so vulnerable sharing our own life. You are a treasure!

[@tranquilityteachings4247]

I am so sorry to the person who wrote the letter. I hope healing continues. 🥺

[@deborarorvig2479]

Wow! I started listening to this because it finally dawned on me that Im carrying a load of shame from my childhood. Been working on dealind with cptsd for years but never connected with the shame component until today. How could we not have shame! Anyway, Jennifer, you are amazing! You are here, fighting for yourself and your babies. You're smart enough to know what caused your dysfunction and you are working hard to keep from putting your kids through the things you suffered. I had this thought...if there was a stray mamma dog on your street and it needed shelter and food for its pups...would you blame her for taking shelter in your moms home as you have? No! You'd praise that mama dog. Youd feed her, cuddle her pups, give them a little corner to rest in with a soft blanket. Youd nurse them back to strength and in the meantime look for a forever home for them. Because you are good and kind. Jennifer...treat yourself and your children just as you would that stray mamma dog. Feed yourself and your babies. Get rest, grow strong...and seek out that apartment...that forever home for your family. You can. You will. Your love for those babies and help from above will make it so. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Joseph-xq4un]

God Bless you Jennifer, may you find the help and healing you desire, require, and deserve. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I feel so bad that she has had to endure so much abuse..... Prayers for her and her family for a better life...

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Hi Jennifer, this message is right for you, not fir our Fairy, for you. I would like to let you know how you look from outside, how you look to us of your Elective Family in this commuity. Seems you do jot realise what huge impact you can have by your CONSISTENCY AD COHERENCE as the only thing I can see is an incredible woman, brave beyond imagination GOING always ON NO MATTER WHAT. You remember me of someone a side of Europe is mourning in these day, as also Her WAS ALWAYS GOING ON NO MATTER WHAT, and she will be misses even from whom did not cared of her so much, just for the feeling on ENDURANCE AND COSISTENCY she always provided. So, Jennifer, you are really the Queen of your family, and a great example for your Elective one. Thank you yo the Fairy to have brought you to us, and thank you to you..TO BE YOU!! A HUGE HUG, Stefania

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow! What a beautiful letter in support of our letter writer. Thank you so much for sharing this. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@johnbrenner6380]

She's always nailing me, talking about the EXACT dynamics of my upbringing, and regrettably, how some of this horrible stuff has spilled over into my parenting so far.

[@a.k.3110]

Jennifer, blessings to you and your children. Deciding to protect your kids from witnessing alcoholism is huge. I so respect your brave step. I did this when the father of my child smokes weed way too often and got cold and agressive and couldn't stop. It's so healthy to leave when things get that out of control. And i so get you. Me to is thinking off all the demage my survival driven descition had created. I felt like I didn't try heart enough to hold the family together. I blamed myself to create a child with a man i, looking back, never felt fully safe with. That i didn't thought before what a child, depending on him too will feel. I blamed myself for my thoughtlessness and the disrespect, the harm i did to me that i got myself intimate with such a person and lot more stuff. I so get it I blame myself too for all the descitions i made in survival autopilot hurted childmode. Now i know, understanding and feeling, that i couldn't think straight at those times. I felt threatened and reacted accordingly like i survived my childhood. A childhood that also included experiences of severe bullying over years. With a mom that blamed me for being full and alone responseable for being treated like that. Out of not knowing what i meant with they are mean, my posture and grades. Out of pain not to know how to help, how to stop that triggering dynamic she witnessed. She have been hurt. And hurt people hurt people... 😢 With old teachers that didn't notice, haven't been educated. With the class rule that who befriends me is at the same spot like me. So i never had friends. In a small village where when you don't have friends at school there's no one left. Now i get that's no wonder i took the guys who have shown interest for whatever reason in me.... A spiral down. Now as i do the dayly practice and have collected a few insights in how traumatic experiences changes the brain, body and behaviour, and emotions it all starts to make sense. I even recognize how i feel with people when i try to learn this whole friendship thing 😅 whats a never experienced clarity. I can recommend trying the dayly practice. I would recommend writing one sentence after the process in how i feel now. Just to get the information to all parts of myself. As and that's only my experience, they are a bit shattered. Not pathological more like everyone has an inner child. That all members of the inner team get the message. Because of trauma, what one part of me gets, doesn't naturally arrive the other part. And it helps when the closed up, hidden parts, the tender one, that i had to protect twist or hide/suppress, big chunks of live time from being trampled over, also know what's helpful. They open up easier. Use the opportunity to get relieved from theyr fears. And if triggered, i identify myself with those parts. They jump in to rescue me and take over the control. So it's great when they know what's good to get relieve too. So that the more mature parts of mine can guide my day again. The step to leave the dad of my child. I did it for my son i didn't want him in this environment and it have been the wisest and healthiest decision i ever did. For myself too. And.... even for my former Partner this have shown up as a valid information. He is free to learn from his decitions. It have been the rough start to create a space that allows healing. That allows adulting. That gave room to create an environment that allowed me to get to know myself better. On this path, one day i noticed: all the years i had the core believe, that i deserved to be treated like shit. And that this is wrong. That if i love my child, this little human. And he deserve good. I deserve too. I have been such a pure child too. What helped have been having a baby photo of me at a place where i see it everyday when i walk by. It remembers me that i have been pure. And that i kind of, in some parts still am. I love this picture baby like i love my son. And it's me. That bypassas a lot shame my parents put on me. What started age six weeks. That's what I wish for you. Mama❤️. That you are able to be a mama for yourself too. As i am. It is so much better now. You got this 🤗 My kid gives me the drive to do the dayly practice, to take self-care serious. My mom showed us that she always deserved the smallest piece of food on the table. Really i never learned to put myself other then last. I just learned to survive with the leftovers. In all areas of life. But now i learn so much what life can also be. It's awesome 🤯😁 like a rainbow not only black and white. I send you strength and love and my compassion.

[@dominiquejones7260]

@A.K. wow

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@A.K. thanks for sending Jennifer such encouragement. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@PearlJamAndBiscuits]

Thank you so much for your videos. I just shared you on Facebook. You are a wealth of knowledge. I'm a former child with PTSD from childhood trauma and your content helps me SO much, I just wanted to share you with others that may need you too.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for the support by sharing about the channel! Much appreciated. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@Brandiafinegirl62]

My heart breaks for this precious woman.

[@xeik7482]

Jennifer the fact that you know about and are seeking out ways to improve your life is a great sign that you are an an amazing individual. I know it's hard in the beginning but it gets BETTER! As the kids grow up , they become more independent and that eases some of the pressure of parental responsibilities. This will give you more time for yourself and more energy to take care of you. Thank You for sharing your experience. Know that you cannot fail if you keep at it!! Don't Give up!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for spreading the love and encouragement! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@meganroth1893]

My heart goes out to you. You are an amazing person, Jennifer. You have been through so much and are truly changing things for your kids and yourself. That harsh inner critic is so hard to quiet. I hope you find some peace and relief.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Than you for sharing words of support with our letter writer. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@clairewolf6013]

Oh gosh... When I go into my shame about stuff I am not responsible for, I always hope that people may say something calming to me. Sometimes they do. And sometimes they pile it on. It's like a magnet for more shame. I have a circle of people I call in those situations. Recently I stepped out of my lab and talked to one of them on the phone. It felt so good to not be alone with the fear and shame, but to be open and vulnerable about it. I could get back to work with a clear mind and feeling supported. As much as I also write to deal with it, having a kinda therapy group is really, really turning it around for me personally.

[@smileyface702]

Deep breath, Jennifer. I am rooting for you. Hope you can find a sustainable source of encouragement and support as you navigate this tricky thing called life!!

[@ronniesal7436]

"Jennifer", you are great, thanks for sharing your vulnerable story with which so many of us feel identified to different degrees. Send you, the fairy and everyone else all my love!💜🌷

[@msmxd333]

Stay brave Jennifer!! You’re not playing the victim & are actively pursuing your health & healing!!! Your awareness was the biggest hurdle & you are already inn the correct path! Blessings & Love to you & your family! We lift you up!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much for sharing support with our letter writer. Very much appreciated. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@MalikMatthews-ox4lf]

Mrs. Fairy,, I listened to this video a year ago,, found it again and I just have to say it's your best. Jennifer story hits hard you can hear and feel your deep empathy for her story. May the Lord have mercy on my soul,, he does indeed ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for listening to it again and taking the time to comment! Nika@TeamFairy

[@eviecolpi9358]

You’re such a blessing Anna! Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank YOU for watching & supporting. We appreciate you. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@craigkotar1964]

Sending much love and encouragement from all of us to Jen

[@AthenaIsabella]

Aw :( I felt Jennifer’s story, especially having an open secret kept from you, sending her love and everyone else who is reading this 💛

[@hybridangel3403]

I had my first period at 10. I had my Dad around. but his behaviour was odd not sexual abuse but controlling. He once said if I have problems come to him and my mom. and If I can't tell them don't tell anyone. He also used o say there is something psychologically wrong with me. eventually I went to see one. this was not tipping point. I was 27. only a yearish ago they would still say that. I said actually I had seen one she said there is nothing wrong with me. The shock on mh Dads face is still present in my mind. hadn't said it since.40 odd years of being told there is osmthing wrong with me. i essentially got told by the psychiatrist she believes there is nothing wrong with me but everything your saying sounds like someone elses beliefs and I believe there is something wrong with them. However I can help you not them because thats why your here.

[@fabulousyouspa4793]

I’m sure we can all relate to this so much. God bless you & us all in getting past trauma identity💞

[@lesliegann2737]

I also grew up with alcoholic parents. They were the functional sort who never missed a day of work but drank and argued in the evening. I remember feeling ashamed of them by the time I was in grade 1. I also remember taking on that shame. When I did have friends I didn't want to invite them over to my house. Even when I went to their house I felt ashamed when comparing my family/mother to theirs so I felt like an imposter. I felt I had to hide this big dirty secret from everyone because I'd also be tarred with the same brush. Yet at the same time I desperately wanted someone kind to notice my predicament and save me. In middle school onwards I was attracted to rebels, other girls on the fringe because I wasn't worthy to have a normal person as a friend. I fell through the cracks - I was just as invisible at school as I was at home, except during some years when I was bullied. It is so sad that we take on the guilt of our parents. My best wishes for Jennifer and all those who have gone through a similar thing.

[@CaliWeHo]

This was done to me over and over again as an adult! 😔

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can break this cycle! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@nancydowe1203]

I love this girl. Would be proud to have her as a friend. Smart, creative, sensitive, responsible, health & mindfulness seeking. I'll say I have a lot in common with dear Jennifer. Things get better. Trust Anna. I do. Daily practice is a game changer.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for your kind comment. Happy to hear the Daily Practice is helpful for you! Nika@TeamFairy

[@TYGZus777]

There are so very many mean, and shaming people. I have been hit by them again and again. One thing is for sure now and that is my ability to spot them, stear clear of them, and use my sense of self to run them off. If they take offense to my humanity and my values then good riddance! The powers that be have great things planned for you. Congratulations on having the vision to see that you and your children deserve the very best!

[@MinkasTNR]

Sending love to Jennifer. This entire letter and response resonates with me.

[@MaryJane-zt3pn]

Such a wonderful video 😢 Your empathy really came through, and it was so nice to hear these compassionate words. I hope she takes your words to heart as well, she deserves to find peace and love and I hope she gets there! It’s been over a year I’ve been watching your videos and hearing about your daily practice, and I think my stubborn brain is finally ready to try as well ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Oh good! If you take the free course you'll get invitations to my Zoom calls 2x a month. It's where I get to actually meet you!

[@spiritosa0123]

You are a giant in terms of family systems analysis Take it from someone that listened to john Bradshaw, one of of pioneers of discussing alcoholism and dysfunctional families, you are doing a great job of making this current. Thanks

[@ronniesal7436]

Thank you for talking about this. Because shame is the rooth of all my problems. I've felt ashamed and rejected ever since I was in my mother womb. I am second marriage kid of older parents coming from very catholic families. Mostly nobody would tell me anything (although they did tell my mother it was a shame that older people had kids and that she should give me away), except for someone outside my family from time to time. But the attitudes of people in both sides of my family always spoke louder. I always felt as an outcast and a paria. And on top of it all, my parents did not get along (and I was mostly blamed of their fights, and I believed it). They always put me in the middle of stuff. Don't get me wrong. I know they lover me and did the best, but all their unresolver issues were brought ober my back. Off course I did not live as a child, things as sad as the person writting the letter. But it took me years to forgive myself and free myself from the shame and anger that the fact of not being as a "legitimate" child as my siblings, and all the burdens it brought to me in my life.

[@craigkotar1964]

Anna, Thank you Thank you so much for sharing your light with the whole world. All that you were, all that you are and all that you are becoming is more important than anything to those who, through no fault of their own, were born, raised and educated without love, kindness or confidence. We thought we were alone.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I can relate to avoiding the nice people too... 😢...

[@ebbyc1817]

Jennifer/the letterwriter....I am so, sorry.

[@altheeaself76]

I cried throughout the reading of the letter…. Dear Jennifer….❤

[@Nvmsea]

I admire the way you took care of your mental health and in such a creative way i don’t know why it’s making me so emotional how considerate you were towards your kids.

[@mariab.7606]

Jennifer you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Take a deep breath. I pray God embraces you tightly every single day and gives you the strength to leave the past behind forever. I pray that any past “failure” pushes you forward.

[@mrngstar1]

Amazing video. God bless this lady. I'm so sorry all that happened to you. May the Lord open all the doors of blessings for you. If you don't mind me saying this, find a good church and establish yourself there. You will find love and help there.

[@evonne315]

Well done, brave Jennifer!! 👏 ((hugs))

[@howardcohen6817]

Yes, well done, indeed. Very well done. Love.

[@gmamose9152]

Wow Anna, I see how difficult this all becomes, sorting it out and putting together all the pieces of our childhoods we've uncovered. I hear in your voice trying to explain a slippery slope. One day I will email you a narrative of my childhood. I so feel for you and for people who experience this hidden wound, but man, you tackling it and me hearing it was Providence. I needed to hear this.

[@lakshmipillai9090]

You have I spired me to keep fighting Jennifer. When I think of you I get a strength to fight myself. Thank you for being a fighter.

[@MsJatek]

This is one of the best talks you’ve given us💝

[@PhoebeK]

This video has finally helped me understand why school was hell for me. I was bullied from the age of 5 until I left school (I moved school at 5 as we moved area so I was the new kid), as far as I can remember I was open to making friends initially but as the bullying got worse and more persistent I withdrew. I was also shamed by teachers from about the age of 7 about the fact that my reading and spelling were a lot worse than my classmates (FYI I was diagnosed severely dyslexic at the age of 9). I can see how having been bullied and shamed by teachers created more openings for bullying, it was particularly bad at Secondary School (11+). The effect of bullying was so significant on me that there were even some at University (from the chronologically older but less mature students). I was 28 when I started making break thoughts in my life, (while I had identified the reality of bullying and emotional neglect when I was 19 but did not make any progress beyond that despite several years of therapy). It was after getting a part-time job and returning to university for a research degree that I recognised the unhealthy ways I had coped. Identifying the unhealthy coping mechanisms and getting treatment which dealt with that problem rather than focusing on why it had devloped, but also identifying the reproductive conditions I had and getting them treated made a big difference. I was subsequently diagnosed as Autistic at 30 which explained why I was identified as different. Finding this channel and the Daily Practice has become the next big step towards healing, I have also just got a job at the other end of the country where I can move in with friends which will get me out of the area I grew up in. There is hope however bad things get, but my plea to parents and teachers is, do not blame the bullied child for what is happening to them, especially if it is chronic the child is probably not in a place to completely change to stop the bullies (it would not work anyway as the victim can never be good enough to satisfy the bullies). Equally, if the child has a disability or protected characteristic of some type this is not something they can change but is frequently the reason they get bullied they cannot change their identity and it is abusive to demand that they do or hide who they really are. It is important to support the victim in developing ways to help themselves and become more confident but also try to get to the root of why the bullies are bullying as they may well be acting out from their own pain or as they are frightened.

[@HappyCat1111]

You are doing great Jennifer! None of this was your fault and you are doing the best you can and seeking help. Please applaud yourself and don’t give up. You are worth it!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment. Nika@TeamFairy

[@lowings848]

Jennifer, sending you hugs friend. You deserve to be proud of yourself. You set an extraordinary example for your children. You value yourself enough to ask for your needs to be met (and it wasn't even for you it was for your children), and when they weren't you left a situation where you could have stayed relatively comfortably in. Just by leaving, and trying your best to be the parent to your children that you never had, you already changed the whole world for two people. You are a self made woman. You deserve to lift your head, and let the sun shine on your face. You deserve to dance in the gentle summer rain. You deserve to pick yourself flowers and let the beautiful fragrance overtake your senses. You deserve to laugh until tears stream down your checks and you forget the ache in your chest. You are teaching your children how to take care of themselves, and you showed them how happy mama can be when there is peace, joy and love in the air. You changed the world for them. Never think you are failing, you have already done something quite amazing.

[@nr4930]

Amazing letter Jennifer. Thank you so much for sharing your story, you are so honest and brave and you have a good heart ❤️ that is worth all the effort you can give. I wish you so much goodness in life. Thank you also Anna, what a help you are!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank so much for sharing words of encouragement with our letter writer. Much appreciated. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@sonyaparkin7841]

I send you love Jennifer 💛 I hope you can find a way back to being creative as well - like dancing. I’m so sorry you had to stop dancing lessons when you were 11. I wish you so very well and hope that down the line we can hear how you are doing 💚

[@jackiegab9394]

Jennifer you are very brave 🤗❤️Thank you so much for sharing your story, really valuable. Stay strong💪 ❤️🤗

[@santasantinagatta]

Thank you for what you are doing. You are healing people. God bless you and your endeavors.

[@SirenaSpades]

I had a cousin who started her cycle at NINE years old! This was in the 70's. Her mother had been divorced a couple of times.

[@Jasminejupiterjuice]

I love these. Ok. What I got for the few videos I watched this week is Your real self IS intact. . Phycology is really cool...

[@msmonet84]

This information has helped me understand what is wrong with my children, they have CPSTD.

[@dianezemliak5606]

Anna you are so precious!!! Your insight has helped so many of us. Thank you for your counsel!!!🌹❤🌹

[@crystallinesanctuary]

So grateful for you 💗

[@amydringering]

Jennifer's story is very touching ❤ I found myself feeling more healed and whole as Anna shared her perspective and compassion. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and share your story with the world, Jennifer! You are in my thoughts. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing these kind words, we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@mskinetik]

Please do a deep dive into bullying as a child becoming a repeat pattern and making people sometimes a magnet for bullying through out life 🙏💓 That would be an amazing video. I recently have come to the opinion that bullying creates deep wounds and other hurt people with their own wounds (narcissists / bullies, look for weak targets. Could it be that we are carrying the energy from the original wound and that is something the bully senses? For example, some abusive people want to make others feel pain when they are hurting. So is it possible the bullies are trying to 'take back their power' from their own childhood abuser? And to them finding an 'easy target's to inflict their pain on is an attempt to regain the power they felt was taken from them, on a subconscious level, since it's likely they aren't even consciously aware of their pattern. Anyway, a lot to think about. Love your channel, I'm learning a lot (and healing) Thank you💖💖💖

[@evemllehar2614]

Something very cathartic, having your compassionate advice online. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are so welcome! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@RuzicaOgnjenovicruska]

Thank you for sharing. I do write and meditate🥰

[@sunflowerskies-]

Jennifer ❤thank you very much for your bravery and share! I cried when I heard your story and my heart really goes out to you. I believe in you. I’m so very very immensely sorry 😞 for all you’ve been through and I so admire your strength for wanting to make a better life for you and your children. I was bullied in childhood and have super controlling, emotionally invalidating parents who only approve of me if I do things their way. I’m very familiar with guilt, shame and having a part that judges yourself harshly and a strong part that wants to help you and wants to free you. I guess I’ve been bullied my whole life life through my parents, peers at school and my brother and his wife. Hang in there and I wish you the best with your recovery and for you and your children. I believe in you and you are so very strong. I have such admiration for your and your spirit and even though my story is different in ways to yours I have immense empathy for you. I’m so glad you had dance 💃 art 🖼️ saved my life! I’m sorry you gave up dance I hope you take it up again if it speaks to you. I like the song I hope you dance by Leann Womack it speaks to me for me and you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your encouragement for the letter-writer! Nika@TeamFairy

[@sunflowerskies-]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy your very welcome 🤗 and thank you for all you do! You make a HUGE Impact/dent and difference more than you will ever know….🙏💖💖💖💖

[@bemindfulmuslimah]

🇮🇩 I'm 44, survived cptsd and I'm recently kinda growing (after my cancer journey and lots of inner work courses). My relationship w my husband and kids is somewhat improving. I decided to let go of the grudge, although interacting with my mom still arouse uncomfortable feeling. I know that I cannot expect anything from her (sounding to myself 😁). The only variable that is adjustable is me.

[@2pairchocolat]

Jennifer hats off to you darling✨🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@shirbear9367]

Im on a binge of your videos, and you just posted 😅. I’m super early. This is great. I’m feeling better

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad!

[@monikitty430]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Hi Anna and thank you for this video. I was curious about the call you said you make and people can listen in and ask questions. Did I understand that correctly? If so, could I get more information? Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Monikitty - I think you may be talking about the live Daily Practice calls? They come with the Free course. Feel free to write to us at: [e-mail] and we can make sure you get access to that. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@jsmith7240]

You can do it Jennifer - the daily practice is great, remember to shred it afterwards, it's just to get it out and remove the heat and you'll see some clarity. Good luck, you are doing all you can, keep going 💓🤗💐

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Way to encourage :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@חניתהאזולאי-ט5נ]

Sending you lots of hugs love and power Jennifer take care ...❤❤❤

[@חניתהאזולאי-ט5נ]

We love you Anna thank for you're wisdom you're support you being real like always.nice of you telling everyone spourt each other...realy feels like family.

[@knithappy]

Great big, friendly hug to you Jennifer 🤗

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for supporting our letter writer. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@Ohnoitsruthio]

Bessel Van Der Kolk in the Body Keeps the Score said that their is research proving that being molested as a child makes girls go through puberty earlier, which tracks with my own experience (sadly).

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@rowenahaps8514]

Excited about the video idea about avoidance of the good healthy people thing with bullying

[@jillwhitley8843]

Thank you

[@cyoung460]

Some people are not capable of meditating. I’ve tried so many times but there’s literally no way I can do it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I couldn't either for a long time, I started with the writing piece of the Daily Practice and eventually the meditation followed :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@lsmmoore1]

About the avoiding nice people bit: I think a lot of us avoid nice people because we feel somehow unworthy of them, or that we are inherently a burden. I'm saying this as an autistic person, mind you, so make of that what you will, but I suspect this is the case for a lot of other people with C-PTSD, too. Pulling away because you feel unworthy of nice people. Mind you, this is also a reason why if you seek out romantic relationships in the hopes it will soothe the inadequacy, it won't work - if you are not truly in love with the person you are in a romantic relationship with, and they are not in love with you, the same mechanisms that cause you to pull away in general will kick in and make it abundantly clear to you the love isn't true - and this time those impulses will be correct. Because the love HAS to be real in a romantic relationship - sure, it can be nurtured, but it has to be there in the first place, and has to be the right kind of love too (as in, you can't sincerely enter a romantic relationship when you are aromantic, for one, because you need to experience romantic love for a romantic relationship to work, and aro folks, though capable of love in general, can't feel that kind of love by definition). And if you're wondering why I bring up romantic relationships here, I did see one example in the wild of a guy who had that issue, and who was wondering about the possibility of someone dating him just to make him feel better. I'm further along than him in the healing process, and was even then (and I hadn't even done as much work as I have now), and knew even at that point that a romantic relationship in which a partner shacks up with you just to cure depression can't possibly work out. But in non-romantic areas, it's easier for those impulses that make you feel unworthy of nice people to be wrong (and I still have issues with that, it's not easy to totally debunk those voices, especially when some people seem determined to prove them right, and even well-meaning people sometimes enable the less-than-good ones).

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Appreciate you chiming in! -Cara@TeamFairy