Why your Anxiety is SABOTAGING your Relationship (and what to do about it!) ❤ 👇🏼

Hello KZbin community!
In this Facebook live, I discuss why your anxiety is sabotaging your Relationship and what you can do about it. Stick around until the end for a super juicy offer...
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FOR MORE SUPPORT:
❤️ Join my private FB Community: groups/masteringintimacy
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❤️ Book a Discovery Call for you and your Partner:
mailchi.mp/d08c41c6dc3e/disco...

[@masteringintimacy]

Thanks for watching 😊 If you're struggling with anxiety in your relationship - I hope you found this helpful! If you have any questions, let me know below! P.S. You can book a free Discovery Call for you and your partner by clicking here: mailchi.mp/d08c41c6dc3e/discoverycall ❤ Reply

[@iamcannabus]

Not even halfway through and damn you're speaking right out to me 😅 not even done this video yet, but thank you so much for posting this. I've been going through a situation with this for years, and I've become very self-aware thankfully and it was a difficult journey. Now I'm learning about these attachment styles and from what I've learned, I was definitely an anxious type before I really started doing true work on myself, which I hope and pray everybody can start that process because it can take some time, but the breakthroughs are beyond worth it for within yourself. This person still makes me anxious, but during the times that I couldn't have the person, which is still one of those times but I don't do this anymore, I would go and seek out meaningless connections for extremely short periods of time which slowly turned me into and avoidant just like the person I've been attached to. Everything I did was always extremely consensual, I always would open up about what I've dealt with and that I'm never looking for anything serious with anyone just because I don't want to waste my time or theirs so if they're not okay with something very short and temporary, then I wouldn't waste their time because some people were in the same boat as me as well. It was mutually consensual to just be avoidant after a certain trigger point. After doing that for a while, I really began to realize what it was doing to me, preventing me from actually dealing with my internal conflicts and working through them the correct way. I started reading psychology books, diving into my past to understand the how's, what's and why's along with seeing a therapist, psychologist, not psychiatrist, for a little while. 100% recommend seeing a legitimate psychological therapist. Stay away from psychologists in my opinion. My old one just tried to push pills on me and threw me into a PTSD episode every visit, which I'm against using pills to change your mental state of mind because I have seen what it does to people after a long-term use. I want to be able to live without needing something, I had to learn and understand that I had to be there for me. Therapy really help me understand the equation essentially of why a reaction happens off of a similar situation. That was really only the scratch of the surface. That was maybe 5 years ago, I've been still learning more and reinforcing my fortitude ever since, but after breaking down all of this information logically and emotionally, I still find myself very attached and connected to this person but they still bring out my anxious side which I honestly find interesting and I've always really loved this person, I've always asked myself if it was a false sense of love and if it was some type of habit or feeling that I got from her rather than an actual genuine love for her. After years of trying to convince myself that I was tricking myself into liking her, I realized that I really really do just care about her, there's no ulterior motive, there's no thought of anyone else, and anytime I'm around her, there's literally no thought to the effort I put in, and I always was a people pleaser, but it's not that. I just genuinely enjoy noticing all of the little things I could do for her and the action to be able to do things for her is so natural that it's almost energyless and weightless, I don't notice doing it It just happens. And in my opinion this is how men love. It's not that we feel we have to do anything at all for anybody, it's just that when we do start doing that for someone specific, we're not even thinking about it, it's just our natural instinct to want to provide and protect. It really is for that right woman, which is why I don't want to waste any other woman's time because their time is just as precious and as important to them as mine is to me. I want to be able to learn how to control these anxious tendencies for when I'm connecting, of course it's mainly for with her right now even though she doesn't want to talk to me right now, which that's fine, that actually gives me some time to work on myself even more lol but damn I do want to talk to her 😂 which that it's selfish in me I have grown a lot. It was definitely a sobbing mess for the first few days and it was almost uncontrollable. It was like someone turned to falset on and I had no control to turn it off. I needed that though, that let out a lot of pressure. Even if nothing works out with her in the end, regardless I was able to fall back in love with myself over time after I started healing and one thing I've noticed is once you do fall back in love with yourself, and you develop a love and guidance for the inner child in yourself, and understand what you've went through over the span of your life, the work you put in on yourself becomes easier and more natural. You end up finding a new path to coming to the correct answers of how you got where you are.

[@masteringintimacy]

Thank you for sharing your journey so openly! 🙏🏻 It's amazing to see how much effort you've put into understanding yourself and your attachment patterns. That self-awareness and dedicated work can lead to incredible breakthroughs. Your shift between anxious and avoidant behaviours is something many can relate to, and it's great to hear how therapy and self-reflection have helped you grow. Your feelings and natural instinct to care deeply are beautiful gifts to bring into a relationship. It's an honour to hear your story ❤

[@michellebobier-groves7821]

I was an SA until I fell in love with a DA. Now I have an anxious attachment.

[@masteringintimacy]

Thanks for sharing, Michelle! I'm so sorry that one of your relationships triggered an anxious attachment style for you. It can be really tough when a relationship undermines our sense of security 🙏🏻 Remember, awareness is the first step to healing. You've got this! 💖

[@kyriestrange]

Thank you Abi, Breath work 100% regulates your CNS 😊

[@masteringintimacy]

Absolutely, Kyrie! Breathwork can be such a game-changer for regulating the nervous system. Glad to hear it’s working for you! 😊🌟 Do you have a favourite breathwork technique?

[@kyriestrange]

@@masteringintimacy I follow vagal breathing in for 4 out for 8 (to start with) im more like out for 14 now 😀 and often do it unconsciously now. I am healing from ME/CFS, other things and losing my dad. I let myself feel and process the grief and it was soooooo huge! I was in a trauma crisis when I started practicing. I've lost 30 kgs because now my digestion is working properly, I'm not holding all my pain and frustration in my solar plexus, I'm regulating my emotions and behaviours (trying) Now I can bound up and down craggy bush walks like a slightly exhausted mountain goat, and even my autoimmune antibodies are down! It's been life changing. But awareness has to come first too I think. Or perhaps it comes hand in hand. I still have ME/CFS but it's much improved. The mind/body is an incredible machine 🤯

[@kyriestrange]

I know that sounds like it's not related to relationship dynamics, but it really is, I think I was actually so anxious in my life in general, that I became an avoidant - and got sick. That relationship ended amicably. I'm more solid now. I have reconnected with someone from a very long time ago, we have both had long held feelings and care for each other (30 odd years worth) but our lives had taken us in different directions until recently. He's very important to me, but I want to understand him, and myself better.

[@TiredOfAllOfThis]

Could you do a video on how to deal best with a relationship between an anxious / avoidant couple in which my partner has asked for time and space apart? I have an anxious attachment style and the last few years and last 12 months have been very difficult and taken their toll… this has happened just at the point when things should improve as I have got a job for the first time in two years after an early retirement. Thanks.

[@iamcannabus]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation, I know it is an excruciating one. I know it feels extremely numb, and frightening. I can't necessarily give you advice that is going to help fix the way you're feeling because nothing anybody's going to say is going to fix it, not even anything that the person that hurt you can say can fix it. Regardless, that underlining aspect is still going to be there from before, and the time before, and all the way back to what possibly initially instilled this reaction from when you may have been young like it did myself. I'm still trying to figure that part out, exactly where my anxious aspects may have derived from. One thing I have learned recently though is about negative and positive reinforcement. Now knowing about something and really understanding something are two different things. I've always known you have to be positive, everybody knows that, but what does that really mean? That does not mean some false sense of positivity you display outwards to try to make others think that you're positive. Positive reinforcements is you displaying the correct and appropriate reaction/response to a negative situation, not only appropriate and correct for the situation, but for yourself and your sake as well, but it has to be the most optimal and realistic positive reaction. Otherwise it's a false sense of positivity. So what I've learned about this is, for my childhood a lot of the reasons of why I may react to things in general the way that I have, is because of how I have witnessed people like parents, other adults, or even kids in your peer group growing up. You learn how to react off of situations based off of how you've witnessed those around you that you looked up to. Are there ways of dealing with situations always the best? You subconsciously learn how to deal with situations from watching others, but at a young age you don't understand yourself if that is the correct way. Realizing this, after years of beginning the process of working on myself has been extremely crucial and although I haven't finished watching this video yet, I've just been typing, I'm hoping this video will help me reinforce and navigate to the part of myself that I can guide to deal with the anxiety of abandonment. I hope this helps a little bit, everybody goes to a different experience, but some of us do get to a very similar outcome when it comes to our mental states so I hope my experiences and what I've been working on may help a little bit, and I hope the absolute best for you! People don't deserve to be loveless and alone, even if you feel you do, you really don't. People do have to work on themselves however, and a lot of individuals never truly do dig down to figure out why and what. I pray everybody does, I mean there are some legitimate sociopaths, like murderers and stuff but the average person that has dealt with some shit, I pray you get the best outcome possible for yourself. Don't ever kill off your inner child, go in there and give yourself a hug. Be the protector for your inner child, as an adult we can begin to think critically unlike how it was when we were children. 💙

[@masteringintimacy]

Hey Nick, I'm so sorry for the delay in getting back to you! It sounds like you've been through a lot lately. I'm glad to hear about your new job! And sorry to hear about the challenges in your relationship 🙏🏻 I'd love to record a video for you. Could you clarify if your partner needs space during conflicts, or if they're considering a more long-term break? Understanding this will help me provide the best advice and support. Understanding this could help me know the best support I can offer you. Sending strength and love your way 🫂💖