James Acasters Card Reads! | Would I Lie To You?

Here's every time James Acaster read from a card on Would I Lie to You?
Would I Lie to You? is the hit BBC panel show where two teams of celebrity guests try to figure out whether their opponent's ridiculously far-fetched statements about themselves are true or, in fact, a lie.
Featuring inimitable host Rob Brydon with lightning-quick team captains David Mitchell and Lee Mack.
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[@josemaria8177]

James Acaster and Bob Mortimer are two trickster gods from mythology that got bored and decided to be comedians in the UK. Driving David Mitchell to the edge of insanity is a nice bonus

[@balok63a40]

Also Claudia Winkleman, who has an amazing ability to tell true stories as if she's making them up as she goes along.

[@brendanberry7403]

Shame he didn’t save any of those powers to keep him from having a breakdown on celebrity bake off lol.

[@crappymcdick]

What is this referring to?

[@talljoke]

​@brendanberry7403 gods are no match for the stress of bake-off

[@somanyadav2036]

They are so great! But don't forget Kevin Bridges and Claudia Winkleman... Miles Jupp also can't be ignored XD

[@chillermiller3565]

i love the implication that david thought the basingstoke story would be more credible if james could remember the shape of the leaves on the bush

[@CrumbsLamond]

More likely he thought it would be less likely to be true if James described the leaves. If this had been a lie, James going into detail about the leaves would've led David to believing its a lie because most people aren't going to remember such trivial details like that

[@0That_Guy0]

Watching Lee appreciate Acaster’s joke just makes me smile.

[@midgarw6775]

@@jonhohensee3258 I got the impression he doesn't like James

[@Zmiler7G1]

@@midgarw6775 yea, quite cold towards him

[@rinesserin]

@@jonhohensee3258 I never would have picked up on that, but after reading this comment, I noticed that he didn't really laugh at all at anything James said.

[@calidofrio13]

@@midgarw6775 he literally loves him. he looks at him like "my kind of comedy will continue into the future"

[@martin-pz6ds]

@@Zmiler7G1 i think he was just appreciating and letting James shine

[@elijahsmith4741]

James has said that he had to stop telling true stories in standup because the audience thought he was lying and so didn’t find it funny and I think his wilty stories prove that because they’re always true but just sound so crazy!

[@pineapplesandjellies]

He's got an autobiography called Classic Scrapes and it's just loads of stories of bizarre things that have happened to him, it's brilliant.

[@workedfriday]

oooo thank you for this - gonna add to my booklist@@pineapplesandjellies

[@mattskidmore8131]

That 'Seven swans a swimming' line was so incredibly quick witted

[@keeskameel1056]

Would you explain, as a non-english I don't get it?

[@lfcmatt]

​@@keeskameel1056 @mattskidmore8131 Same here

[@roygevers]

@@keeskameel1056 Uit het bekende kerstnummer 'Twelve Days of Christmas', de zevende dag.

[@CalebDBarnes]

​@@keeskameel1056 It's a line in the song "the twelve days of Christmas"

[@benmaxwell115]

Honestly, his family were very religious, this might not even be a lie, it's hard to tell.

[@saidtheactress]

Great stories but nothing beats “Mick and the cabbages”.

[@margaretflounders8510]

Mick asleep in bush does...

[@tarabelle6223]

🎉 Mick, his evil nemesis is the funniest story ever on WILTY...& that is saying something!

[@alrightlove6317]

I HATE THIS BOY

[@Multi1163]

Hoy Hoy Savoy

[@sweeeenay]

The quickness of the "good thing this didn't happen to Melvin" comment, so damn good. You can't doubt that this man has done anything

[@stilts121]

I love Lees reaction to the “high” retort from James. I could totally hear Lee doing that.

[@donjones4719]

James has such improbable stories and he's also good at bluffing, looking like he's making up a sentence as he says it. His cabbage story was absolutely absurd. (Go look for it, it's hilarious.)

[@anotheruserism]

problem with the cabbage story is mick couldn't keep a straight face

[@donjones4719]

@@anotheruserism To me that added to the entertainment value - and he could have just been laughing at how funny James sounded.

[@BeccaB529]

Me: 😞 “Oh, I have already heard this one.” Me a few minutes later: 😂 “It is funnier every time!”

[@michaelwilliams8242]

Same haha. Could listen to these stories a thousand times

[@nicosmind3]

Im always amazed that people say "that doesnt make sense" on multiple stories (not just James) and the story ends up being true!

[@RedAlien13]

Honestly they need to read Classic Scrapes, his book, that has all sorts of things that have happened to him

[@HinekoAkahi]

Love how everyone heard "James Acaster slept in a bush" and went "Yes, truth, absolutely, no further questions, Your Honour" xDDD Has the man actually ever told a lie on this show?

[@tattgka]

years later and I still can’t understand how Melvin thinks a bench is warmer than a bush 😂

[@RainbowSunshineRain]

It is warmer, because the ground is cold.

[@alexsevern1260]

@@RainbowSunshineRainbut the bush is insulated. A bench is open

[@travelwell6049]

because it isn’t 😂

[@giveawormaspine]

I love the fact that James has never lied on this show

[@justVontadeh]

"Unplugged session" sent me

[@cijmo]

I didn't think James' first one was so unbelievable. (I love the 'acoustic haircut' though.)

[@pizzakrydder2515]

Have they never seen anyone getting their hair cut by a friend?? In my world that is almost as common as going to a hairdresser.

[@beanie7547]

James and Bob have the best life’s stories.

[@panda4247]

And both have stories - including haircuts - including sleeping in an unusual place with something on you head looking weird

[@beanie7547]

@@panda4247 I suppose we should include Greg in this too

[@beanie7547]

@@jonhohensee3258 Henning had some good ones for sure “it’s German sense of humour”

[@midgarw6775]

Dont forget Rob Gilbert

[@georgecarter4517]

Anyone from Basingstoke knows the exact spot he is talking about 😂

[@avacadoinacan]

I want to live my life like Lily Allen watching James Acaster.

[@axedpumkin9541]

Is that Lily Allen? When did she start painting herself orange?

[@whatlez]

Bloody hell, James is just a comedy genius.

[@Maderyne]

James Acaster's best is the "This is my" episode with Mick. Cabbage anyone?

[@ashc151]

When he said he wasn't home and had to go to the post office to collect it was one of the funniest moment of the show, ever!

[@grointastic4242]

I know exactly where that was and the leaves are definitely gentrified

[@JustSumGeek]

Happy birthday to James Acaster turning 39 yesterday!

[@margaretflounders8510]

NO! He still looks 20!

[@vulkanac47]

and acts 12

[@pineapplesandjellies]

Every time I'm at Basingstoke station I'm reminded of this story.

[@kelsk889]

James has such crazy stories, he doesn’t need to lie.

[@tiang5132]

Acoustic Haircut (Unplugged Session) - James Acaster ft. James’ friend

[@seventhsteel1415]

Thinking the haircut story is a lie because they used scissors is….uh….I don’t even know

[@travelwell6049]

I once cut my housemate’s hair when we were at university just using a regular pair of scissors. I just trimmed it. It was fine.

[@disavowalf3351]

Yeah, in the 90s in Leeds my flat mate asked me to cut his hair (with scissors) cos I’d done my own braided hair extensions & had a degree in Fine Art (apparently that makes you a qualified hairdresser!!!!). I said I wouldn’t be able to do a good job, he said he trusted me; I said that’s nice but I can’t cut hair, he said he trusted me…so I did it! As it turns out, I was very much right, it was a total balls up! Boys, don’t imagine women can cut hair just cos they can style their own!!!

[@DomenBremecXCVI]

You can't start a story with "In the 90's..." and not expect to blow your cover, Mr. Wehn.

[@malahammer]

@@DomenBremecXCVI feck.....I wanted to say that :)

[@disavowalf3351]

@@DomenBremecXCVI haha, I’m not sure why I included that detail…I think it was cos I keep reading crap that older people (I’m 50) don’t like Mr Acaster and I find him hilarious…or perhaps I’ve been watching too many WILTY clips…hmmm…not that it’s possible to watch too many of those. Take care, stay safe🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿❤️

[@DarylShires]

@@disavowalf3351I’m 61, bowling-ball bald (but with a LOT of haircut misadventures from … ooh, last century 😖) and can’t get enough James Acaster. Brilliant, sharpest wit-awareness and perfectly absurd mind/processes. A living, breathing tonic. Cheers to you all from an Australian whose family were all Scots 🇦🇺🦘🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@oliverpalmer3088]

Imagine being so posh, you can’t comprehend why you would have your haircut outside the front of your flat

[@georgeh5075]

The fact these rich people can't think you wouldn't be able to afford a haircut is hilarious

[@jazmindodds]

"Why not go to a luxury hotel?"

[@louisaawre5389]

Things with james is that he is so mad that his stories always seem like lies but they are actually true

[@calidofrio13]

The way Lee looks at him, marveled at how good he is 🤩🤩

[@sarahfaith6531]

The story about spice girls was my first time ever seeing WILTY and I became such a massive fan of the show after that! Such a great story and wonderful series 🤣👍👍👍

[@ScubaFanatic60]

My college roommate used to cut hair for a bunch of us . She didn't have any training either, but she was cheap!

[@iWhacko]

please bring James back more often

[@97texascat]

Love these stories no matter how many times I hear them, although the first one I’ve never heard before.

[@largepimping]

Holy crap... I thought there was only one James Acaster, but according to this video's title, there are multiple. Good to know.

[@johnp515]

Yeah, It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. If it happens again I’ll be ill.

[@largepimping]

@@johnp515 If you are trying to compete with me for the title of Who Is Angriest About This, you're going to lose.

[@johnp515]

@@largepimpingNo not angry, just shamelessly regurgitating an old chestnut

[@johnp515]

@@largepimping😊

[@largepimping]

​@@user-zr1is1ke9y Just when I thought I couldn't be any more angry... The irony!

[@colmastro4373]

His Wit is almost ass quick as Lee Mack's lol, quite impressive 😂

[@SuhailStudies]

true, but i think james's quality of jokes is better. Lee does too many puns.

[@bravetherainbow]

0:54 James' smile here before answering, he's so pleased to get this opportunity to parrot Fred's words back to him

[@m444ss]

nothing is too crazy to have happened to James Acaster

[@NYSports14]

Never understood during the Spice Girls discussion how it never came up that they could both just listen to the same album

[@aislingbolton793]

It might have but got cut out in the edit

[@PtylerBeats]

The fact that Melvin only couldn’t believe the bush story because he thought a bench would be warmer is hilarious

[@DrTomoculus]

JAMES ALWAYS TELLS THE TRUTH!

[@Pixiesarereal]

I absolutely love James 😍

[@daedalus_20v]

When is a bench _ever_ warmer than a bush?

[@olan1225]

He was probably thinking that a bench would get you of the ground, which is where most of your body heat is lost to. Or maybe not and he's just playing daft.

[@markreynolds1436]

Hence the saying...🤷‍♂️

[@RainbowSunshineRain]

A bench is warmer because the ground is cold. Plus more comfortable, too many insects on the ground.

[@Leatherman154]

James, Bob, Claudia, and Lucy. WILTY greatest guests of all time.

[@stefansauvageonwhat-a-twis1369]

The stories, they sounded so much like how weird life just is sometimes like the kind of real story thats I could have, not that weird, but not usual

[@johnh1252]

The good players make this show so much better. More Lucy Beaumont pls.

[@miriam4235]

I'm confused, why is using scissors for a haircut a weird thing?🤔😅 😂

[@TheeChrisM]

I would watch James all day. More James

[@LKKSProductions]

James always has the most ridiculous true stories 😂

[@joostdemoor138]

It's lovely to know that James' real life resembles that of his character

[@daniellepearsall4978]

Good lord I love James Acaster ROFL

[@danyellx615]

I love James

[@davidsuttie4192]

The more I see James the more I think he is a comic genius.

[@kelzuya]

Oti & Lily 😍😍😍

[@332tube]

12:59 Someone did dump a body at Basingstoke train station.

[@xelumbra]

As we know James’ life is just a series of wild shenanigans that sound made up.

[@travelwell6049]

[8:14] My favourite joke on WILTY

[@chrishoole8062]

Ooo, he card read good

[@scully47]

They need to have James on more often. I’m sure he has more weird stories.

[@bravetherainbow]

David knows James' tricks. He asks for the story, James is about to just repeat the words on the card near-verbatim, and then David realises he needs to cut him off before that happens.

[@SyntheticFuture]

The Spice Girls story is just too good 😂

[@juliadandy6019]

The Spice Girls one!! I watch it everytime! "The Spice Girls debut album 'Spice'"

[@Bedonkabonk]

For me, 50% to 60% of why James is funny has to do with his accent and that he sounds like his nose has been stopped up so long he's decided he just has to live with it. Is it because I'm American, or do Brits also find his particular accent amusing?

[@nicolad8822]

Yes it is a bit comical in itself, sure he exaggerates it. He puts Ws in words like ‘fwiend’ which sounds a bit childlike and faux innocent.

[@wbfaulk]

FWIW, it's almost certainly a put-on. If you search on KZbin for "James Acaster One Night Stand", you'll find a recording of a show pretty early in his career and he sounds very different. There's elements of this accent in it, but it's much more normal. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe the "normal" accent was the put-on.

[@84Elenai]

04:14 this one is such a gem

[@franziskafinefein]

storming of at the shallow end shouting "I'm very cross" will never not make me laugh

[@ivydickson7596]

Have you heard Greg Davies and his school stories? Especially the one about his mother's underwear.

[@lisamortini8567]

And the one about the microphone!

[@ijazkhan3335]

If James acaster was born in 60s, he would have a lot more stories to tell like bob 😅

[@misterdarren3622]

James Acaster is 2nd only to Bob Mortimer on WILTY.

[@neiljosephbennett9119]

So funny! Pity they sometimes babble and we have to rely on the crappy subtitles, which also don't always get it right.

[@sarahfaith6531]

Has he been on recently? Needs to come back :)

[@scbtripwire]

Following the "Stop right now" jokes I kept saying "thank you very much" to my phone, the joke is right there, guys! How what's-it could think a bench is warmer baffles me... at least a bush would break the wind to some degree.

[@rooty]

If you like this, you have to watch the compilation of every Classic Scrapes segment he did on radio. It's like several series of WILTY, all James, and all true.

[@ruthgoh4869]

James has the best stories 😂 I wish I could marry him. So cute and funny

[@martin-pz6ds]

non british person here, i'd love to understand the big ears joke at 5:05 if anybody wants to go through the arduous task of explaining it to me lol

[@Stuck313]

The glasses in glasses is so daft, it's astonishing

[@shnad9880]

Can someone explain the "who's your friend big ears" joke please

[@rareimer]

Enid Blyton wrote a series of children's books, very popular in the UK if not so well known elsewhere, about a puppet named Noddy who comes to life. His best friend is a gnome named Big Ears. James Acaster is here conflating the character Noddy and the actual man Noddy for the sake of a joke.

[@ross_667]

but why did he say it at that moment?@@rareimer

[@anthonytalbot6002]

It was right after they were joking about stealing each others jokes in the edit,the noddy/big ears joke was from earlier in the episode so he was trying to steal it

[@ross_667]

@@anthonytalbot6002 ahhh okay I thought it could be that. Thanks

[@brianwilliams766]

It tells you everything you need to know about someone's posh life growing up when they can't even fathom how the first story is possible, that someone would be in a position to consider a flat mate cutting your hair a fiscally responsible option.

[@Megan_Fiorilla]

Ngl the hair cut looks like most guys on tic toc now with the poofy hair 😂

[@GxRedemption]

an artist and a genius, James.

[@ErieRosewood]

the thing is, i always beleive the stories yntil he explains what happened. drowning yourself in protest as a child. but doing it during your familys winter swim n the public pool is insane.

[@anotheruserism]

i was sure the haircut story was a lie

[@SuperNictastic]

James Acaster is one of the select safe but not funny comedians that are everywhere on every tv show. Acaster, Jo Lycett, Rob with the teeth. Ranganathan.

[@thisismyhandleyouknow]

What does he say at 5:06?

[@scottbrown3884]

Who's your friend?big ears

[@T.A.FormerlyknownasMrSquirrel]

James have my baby

[@TheoTheCoolest]

Has he told any lies on the show??

[@travelwell6049]

5:42 I think it was hard for the people from a privileged background to understand that James’ Dad isn’t buying two of the exact album 💿

[@msmadmama]

Has james told a lie yet on the show?

[@alexdewh]

Dunno whats unbelievable about flatmates cutting your hair with scissors, I let mine have a go, far cheaper and it tends to look at worst a 4/10

[@SreaminToTheVoid]

The endings of some of these are giving me strong "Fact or Fiction" vibes. Did this happen? Yes. It's true. .... Moving on!

[@dbreardon]

When James tells his stories you can really tell where a lot of the panelists grew up in afluents or had never had a real struggle with money throughout their life.

[@ianitor]

"card reads"? they were all true!

[@Huntracony]

I'm glad they don't spoil that in the title though.

[@RichardTongeman]

Why do the laughs sound so fake?

[@seanmadison6360]

"James Acaster's Card Reads! | Would I Lie To You?" Can anyone spell anymore? Almost every single title for videos has grammar errors these days. The IQ level is plummeting.

[@georgecrabb1649]

What you on about

[@SalisburyKarateClub]

That character before "Would" is not an "I" it's a basically a divider, if you look on your keyboard above the "Enter" key you should see a backstroke and a character that looks like an I, I think you'll find that's what's being used. I am assuming your keyboard is at least similar to mine. Cheers

[@johnsterizer]

Ideally there would be a possessive apostrophe, but I'm not sure the lack of one can tell you much about changes in IQ over time.

[@dalluc]

I can see you're absolutely livid over something you didn't really understand. Then complain that people are getting dumber. Classic boomer comment right here.

[@dfgd2402]

Rich coming from the hypocrite who cannot capitalise his/her username. Also, if you learnt how to read, you would know that the title WAS spelt correctly. it is just the lack of an apostraphe.

[@IBIZAPT]

It’s a shame James has run out of talent. I had high hopes for him. But he’s run out of jokes and told all his anecdotes.

These are old clips

[@plotted_pant42]

​@ Unfortunately its true. He was fired from TV

@@plotted_pant42 so that's why he had to go to seth meyers

[@dimefield36]

Off menu podcast is filled with gold bits!