Woman with Autism Dissecting the ASD Diagnostic Criteria

[@ness.ness.]

thank you for this video! for nearly the past year I've been struggling with whether I'm autistic or not-i have a difficult time trusting my own judgement and believing that the things i struggle with are real, and your channel has been really helpful in my ongoing research to determine whether being autistic is the thing that has made me feel "wrong" and "different" for my whole life. I'm still unsure tbh, but your content is wonderful

[@lisawillis3]

I feel you @ness.ness. This is good, and I’m still questioning a lot.

[@user-oc7dd7oy5m]

What you said about eye contact is something I just realized about myself. I can maintain eye contact, but I have to sacrifice a bit of my critical thinking/ cognitive function in order to do so. And I become so focused on the eye contact that I’m less involved in the conversation.

[@sahirahvasquez6211]

I checked every single box. And I thought I was just anxious/OCD. I'm diagnosed with anxiety, my therapist who has treated me since I was 12 believes me to be on the spectrum. Digging into research, I'm realizing how many (odd, slightly unaligned) things I thought were anxiety actually fall under autism, and how many things I suspected to be OCD fall under autism. Thank you for this.

[@misspat7555]

I think the best description of autism would be “a cluster of potential disabilities, including those involving communication”. So it’s easy for someone to get diagnosed with the most disabling component of their autism; ADHD, learning disabilities, dyspraxia, OCD, social anxiety, tics, whatever; and the overall diagnosis to be missed.

[@althea1462]

This description of eye contact was so good. Exactly how I feel - I don’t love eye contact, but it isn’t painful or difficult to do. It’s more that I can’t maintain the eye contact if I have a higher cognitive load at that moment. Eye contact isn’t effortless, and when I’m needing to scan the book of patterns it is much harder to do. Thank you for your videos!

[@oliviakrause3336]

Yes, that's exactly my experience as well. I was always so confused with how they write that, because I thought it isn't valid if I am able to do it. But I do look away to focus on my inner mind palace and sort out my complex thought patterns.

[@JoULove]

For me I really enjoy listening to music over and over, and it's comforting to "learn" a song (knowing what to expect) especially since I sometimes stim by singing along. Similarly for movies and knowing all the lines.

[@Kagomai15]

Oh my goooddd same!! My mother says I was dancing in the womb! I have a large CD collection and I still remember the lyrics to songs I haven't listened to in years! I spent 10 years in choir going to church services almost every weekend looong after I decided I was an atheist because I just loved being able to sing loud and proud and not bother anyone. As a consequence I've had to spend years unlearning the puritan crap I picked up in that environment lol

[@KassondraRossi]

I absolutely love your sweater art. The clouds immediately caught my eye ⛅️

[@misspat7555]

My experience was that I just didn’t get rewarded by interacting with others, and others didn’t seem to find interacting with me rewarding, either. I especially don’t find interacting with more than one person at a time rewarding, so why would I do it? I can’t seem to predict how someone will react to me from what they say or how they act; allistics are consistently deceptive to a high level, multiple layers of hiding true meanings and feelings; so I try to keep interactions brief and superficial to avoid offense. I’ve heard both “What are you looking at?!?” and “Look at me when I talk to you!”; both “What’s so funny?” and “What are you mad about?”; both “You talk too much.” and “You’re so quiet!”. It’s pointless, trying to please people. I just try to keep my head down while earning enough money to survive at this point. The universal problem I’ve seen with autism evaluations is they take an outside, allistic perspective, instead of asking diagnosed autistic adults, “Hey, what is life like for you?”, I guess on the assumption that we are just broken and therefore our lived experiences are worthless, even when it comes to DIAGNOSING AUTISM IN ADULTS?!? 🤦‍♀️

[@Star_Rattler]

Well, for me, eye contact can sometimes feel as intimate as kissing someone on the cheek. it's very overwhelming to me over half the time.

[@magentafox1657]

One thing I noticed is that I really hate vibrations, like phone app vibrations, and I always have to turn them off. The sensation of them is really unpleasant to me. I find my cats purring vibrations really pleasing and comforting, while the phone vibrations feel intrusive and unwanted. I think it's the thing with consent again, I feel the phone vibrations are really jarring to me. I also have sound sensitivities, especially with loud noises in enclosed spaces. There are also very specific noises I hate, there's a game I play called papa's cheeseria and there's a frying thing and the sound effect for it is so awful I have to mute the sound everytime I play. Also, I've noticed when I'm outside (and inside with lots of background noise) with friends it's difficult for me to keep track of one conversation when there are two or more going on. I keep switching between, and it can be so annoying when I ask a question and someone begins to answer but I tune in to the other one and have no idea what the person I was talking to said. Also, crowded spaces with narrow walking space are another thing that is uncomfortable for me. Whenever I'm in them if I can't get out I end up just standing in place feeling stuck and the only thing I can think about is that there are too many people, when I try to distract myself by thinking about something else it gets worse (this goes for sound, crowded spaces, also pain) I'm hypersensitive to pain, and my period cramps are terrible but compared to other peoples I just don't have much pain tolerance. Once I clicked my hip by overstretching it and I thought I broke it for some reason and only after googling did i realise I was being dramatic about it and that it was fine. So many situations where I overestimate my injuries and think they're really bad when in fact they aren't. Anyway that was my long ramble about sensory stuff, I'm still uncovering my specific issues so I can begin to understand them but it's definitely going to take a while

[@alexieshaw558]

I remember just not connecting with others, i found them selfish and they bullied me a lot, in reciprocation i was perceived as the one that wasnt nice and couldnt share or get along with anyone because they had friends and i didnt. Strange how the double empathy problem was never addressed in these situations. Why could they not get on with me? But yet its all my fault i cant get in with them.

[@isthataspider7410]

Because they expect you to act like them and if you aren't sending them the signals they expect to receive, they see it as a threat.

[@eubique]

Another excellent vid. I understand why diagnostic criteria are mainly or entirely behavioural descriptions but it's also reductive and insulting as it doesn't start from understanding the reasons and therefore the meaning of certain behaviours.

[@shelbyharper1124]

💜 both me and my 2 daughters are going next week for our intake appointment. It has been so freeing to finally figure out why I have always been “different”. Love your videos thank you for them!

[@Kagomai15]

I asked my GP to refer me for an adult autism assessment yesterday. He said "well it's usually caught pretty young, let me think if I can remember who works with adults..." and pulled up a referral form, and asked me "why do you think you have it? What symptoms have you noticed that I can put on this form?" And literally all the things I've noticed friggin vacated my brain. I ended up gaslighting myself by noting a lot of the things I was able to name have overlap with ADHD which he's already diagnosed me with. He said he wanted to validate my concerns but in the interest of time I should fax him a list later that he can attach to the referral form. I generally trust this doctor so I chose not to dig into anything or read him as being intentionally ableist or dismissive but it was still a hit to my confidence when my ADHD ass couldn't have thought ahead and had a list ready. It was frustrating that the receptionist asked me what I was wanting to book the appointment for and yet he had no idea I was going to ask about any of the things I wanted to talk about when he came in. I don't know why health centers are run the way they are. Watching this video has comforted and reassured me in my self-diagnosis of ASD. I'll make my list soon... Hopefully tomorrow.

[@YatJac]

Outstanding communication skills. You have helped me. Thank you.

[@tezzybelle7658]

Your content is changing my life x Thank you so much for sharing your in-depth research and, most importantly, how it relates to females x your personal experiences are invaluable in helping me to understand how to interpret this info x 🥰 (love your crochet cardy! Crochet is my hobby/business! I’m obsessed!)❤

[@Buttondor345]

everytime I see you posted a video, I get so excited!

[@Jamie-se7dq]

I LOVE your sweater! While you were talking I was looking at it and wondered where you got such a cleverly designed sweater and how I'd love to wear one like that. I'm glad you revealed that you crocheted it. Well done!

[@AzariahMarinaStarcaster]

I wanted to thank you for sharing your experience with eye contact specifically because, even though I don't know if I'm autistic yet, I know exactly what you're talking about. Looking someone in the eye (or at least keeping my eyes roughly on their face) when they're talking to me and all I have to do is absorb the information they're giving me? That's perfectly simple to do. If I'm trying to formulate a response, though, my eyes are gonna be all over the place.

[@shybunnie16]

your videos are always high quality, full of detail,and extremely informative. you deserve all the views! tysm for providing all of the extremely helpful information

[@Slaaneshy_Concubine]

19:02 Holy shit, I feel that. I'm relatively decent in social interaction with people that I share certain interests, beliefs, values, ... with (Shout out to my weirdo friends here). But if they are the typical "normie" who are interested in football, alcohol, having party, christian values, I suddenly become unable to interact with them. I become so awkward and basically always try to prevent interaction with those people as much as possible. Not because I hate them, but because they would likely view me as the weirdo who's strange somehow, somehow leading them to treat me badly.

[@elenapainabaneighna]

You’re beautiful! I love your little setup, all the rainbow lines and your hair and bangs, you’re gifted with a fantastic catalog of style observations! I can relate to your stories so heavily, I grew up autistic in San Jose fml it was rough. Everything about me is thoughtfully curated. Out of a desire to not be ridiculed but also to be baaad Right? In my own mind anyway. I am particular about everything insofar as it has contributed to the end of intimate relationships because that’s where I unconsciously unmask apparently, without awareness of my neurodivergence I ran a muck and ducked up my family life. I’m good and sweet and would never wanna be the beast I can be. I’m better and older and more self aware and consciously been cultivated more tolerance and I learned how to effectively state my boundaries. I am learning how not to have to take the hard painful road. Thank you! I flirted with the wonder for sometime in the trying to figure out why all the normal living things are so hard for me and how bad I feel that my life has always had a pattern of a good period with a little more joy when I’m in a good community and routine and then an upset to my routine followed by long periods of downtime and stagnation. I have always had big emotions and used to have tantrums and meltdowns more days than not. I’m pretty similar as an adult.❤

[@serenabear6272]

it's so hard because I genuinely believe that I was traumatized since i was a baby baby based on the little experiences I remember and things my mom would tell me so I feel I will never be able to figure it out sadly

[@oliviakrause3336]

Thank you so much for this video. I found it extremely interesting and stimulating. Love how you took the criteria and explained it and gave your own perspective, this is exactly what interests me and helps me understand so many things about myself and my own life. I had tons of aha moments watching this.

[@NicSchar]

I’m finally getting an intake appointment in six weeks, thank you for your videos❤️

[@the_earth_mystic]

This was incredibly helpful, thank you for continuing to make these amazing videos Irene! I definitely relate to a lot of this and am glad you are advocating for diversifying the criteria of the DSM V diagnosis of autism. I remember being considered a bully in preschool kindergarten, just because I didn't know how to relate to other kids. I also agree with the explanation that I'm not making eye contact because I'm busy processing. I'm starting to think of more times in which I lost something unexpectedly and would spend hours looking for it lol...definitely relate to wanting certain routines or schedules in place that are more comfortable including planning vacations to a T. I think having a general understanding that these are autistic traits now gives me more freedom to explore some flexibility in how much I feel like I have to do them...having a conscious awareness is key, and unfortunately many women and people of color go undiagnosed which is the first barrier. I think behavior modification has to come from the individual person wanting to make changes that would serve them better, but should not be imposed on them by others. Love your crocheted cloud sweater!!!

[@marypikenah1]

Thank you for this video. All my life I thought I coudn't be autistic, because I didn't understand clearly the diagnostic criteria. Now I can understand better and see myself a lot in this video. Again, thank you for sharing this video!

[@JF0x]

Extremely helpful and insightful as I prepare to request an autism assessment for the second time. Thank you

[@1111fairy]

I relate so much! My ocd is also about optimizing or efficiency.

[@erikal85]

The first thing I noticed with this video was your cardigan. I love the clouds on it especially, but also the different values of blue.

[@michaezell4607]

I was originally DX'ed with AS in 07/08 at the age of 34/35 but after the DSM-5 revisions it's now labeled as an ASD. Of course this change in diagnosis doesn't change my individual symptoms however.

[@myworldautistic670]

I LOVE what you are wearing!! And this is a great video!

[@melissad8824]

I get lost reeeeally easily. So when someone takes a different route to a known location, I definitely get anxious because I feel suddenly lost. I am also really rigid about how to do things once I've found what seems to be the most efficient method. As a wife and mother of two adults, I get a lot of side eye looks when I don't control my reactions to these situations and accidentally blurt out "why don't you do it this other way instead?" Thankfully all three of my guys know I'm autistic so they just roll their eyes and carry on as they were anyway.

[@ladonnabby]

Ok but I need your crotchet wardrobe 😭 literally spent the AM searching for patterns and only found knit ones.. but I can crotchet!

[@TheINFP_Diary]

The noise distraction had me so entertained, I've been trying to record my own videos and that exact thing happened to me but i just ended the video :(

[@isaBeast143]

What a great video! I also do the same thing with hot tubs and can't stand hot showers either 😂

[@jjeanedoe]

I find myself repeatedly thinking that all of these behaviors make sense and wondering what the heck "neurotypical" is, if this is describing "neurodiverse" behavior.

[@clara0206]

About watching movies over and over again: I don't do that, but when I like a show I will spend months reading fanfiction about it because I know what to expect from the characters. Does this count as the same thing?

[@DJTripleRRR]

Oops, your video played on auto play. Now I'm not a woman, but for me I really struggle with eye contact. It almost terrifies me. It's so intimate. So it takes a lot of my energy to do it and it causes me to never ever ever hear someone's name when I'm first meeting them.

[@MS-yf9dw]

So, I'm a Leo. What does that mean? I like to leed. My wife is an idependent woman, who doesn't like to be lead. It creates problems all the time. In order to avoid disagreements, I had to hide that lion part of me. The fighting subsided. But a side effect of that, is that we hardly talk. I'm not happy, she is not happy. We've been thinking about divorce for a really long time. Maybe four, or six years, certainly before covid. I contacted a lawer over a year ago, but decided to give us time to fix things. Nothing changed. At least not for the better. We stopped travelling together, sleeping with each other... All we need now is that piece of paper, stating that there is no connection between us. Because there is no connection. We live under one roof, but she has a place to go to, and so have I. Poor kids. We made 3 of them. My parents got divorced, but stayed with each other after the divorce. In fact, I found out about the divorce after my mom died. Throught my childhood, and early adoulthood, I thought they were happy, or at least married. I hate to be the one to break up my familly. If my mom could put up with my dad, I can probably continue living next to my wife. But why should I?

[@tracik1277]

You might find you are both better off apart and co-parenting. You might have a more harmonious relationship that way. In part I guess it depends on the age of your kids. All this is just my opinion, no more.

[@MS-yf9dw]

@@tracik1277 Yes, for the age of our kids to increase, this is what I've been waiting for. A long time ago I came across some study that stayted that kids above 8, are old enough to understand that their parents no longer want to be together. So I waited with the divorce for our youngest to reach that age. He is 9 now, and talking to him, I can see that he understands that I do not want the constant fights, the raised voice of his mother. I'm in Poland. Here, kids can testify in court starting at the age of 12. My older kids (twins) are 11 now. If I wait a few months more, hopefully I'll get some backing from them. Maybe, maybe not. It's like in that song: "Should I stay, or should I go? If I stay there will be trouble, and if I go... it will be double". Probablly it was written with something else in mind, but that's how I see my situation. Thank's for your comment.

[@misspat7555]

@@MS-yf9dwI see this was over a year ago, but if your wife and you can be civil, it’s probably better to live together until the kids are grown; however, it sounds like there are a lot of squabbles, so it would probably be better to separate. It’s not good for kids when the parents fight all the time, whether they live together or not.

[@livlu7275]

Super helpful, thanks!🙏

[@g.b.1375]

Constant revisions to that manual indicate the fact that their conceptualizations of various "disorders" has not stabilized and should be taken with a grain of salt. Years ago there were reported research findings that people with autism had fewer cells of a nature that toned down the constant flow of sensory input at a precognitive stage. If that could be determined on living people rather than by autopsy, what would they call a person with that condition that falls below their threshold of behavior indicators, but none the less has had lifelong difficulties of a similar but lesser nature? Does anyone ever step forward and say to the public, sorry we got it wrong?

[@humanish4042]

Okay wait 11:00 Do you have a copy of that book you could lend me? So! I'm very new on the autism journey/I have highly suspected autism according to Everyone (including my therapist, we're doing a test next week for fun bc I like tests and want to learn more about my brain). I was pretty resistant for a long time and refused to look into autism at all until someone who always has solid accurate reads of people in my life mentioned in passing that my dad is autistic, and everything about him suddenly made sense (I've cured years of miscommunication between us just by looking into autism for my own brain). For a good deal of time, I was content with being okay with acknowledging that I Might have a Little autism, autism Lite. I think part of me was afraid to take up space or accidentally pretend to be something I'm not, especially since so many of my friends have autism and were diagnosed very young. So it's been a really Interesting thing to say the least that a lot of these friends seem to think I'm at least as autistic as them, and sometimes make me feel "more" autistic than them specifically when they point out things that I do that I cannot fathom being "weird." Like, it's all cute fun and games when I'm having a moment of "Okay but I'm pretending" and all of my friends start pointing up my stims and funnier aspects in my interactions that I didn't notice, but it feels completely different when I'm walking home with an autistic old friend who suddenly exclaims "You're right __, we shouldn't have to mask!" and leave me wondering what the whole heck I apparently wasn't masking. Okay, I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes I look at my autistic friends, and I can tell that they can see this entire world that I can't see. I have some things that I mask, but I basically don't mask, and it's not because I'm being brave it's just because I have a much higher threshold for receiving the "you shouldn't be doing this" social cues, so the only thing I actively mask is my hand flapping. Like, I know that I can't see things the way allistic people do, but I'm also not interested in having them try to explain the entire thing to me unless they have an Extremely detailed understanding of me and autism or neurodivergency in general, but I Am interested in having people with brains similar to mine try to explain it all to me. The other day, my friend tried to explain it to me like there is this checkerboard, and for every single social interaction you have to figure out how to move the pieces, but there are correct and expected/accepted ways and it just takes years of detailed note taking to figure it out. And I basically said "Yes, but to play in the metaphor, I am currently only vaguely aware that there's a checker board in the first place, and I'm only even That aware of it because people keep referring to it"

[@humanish4042]

Question! 21:06 "We easily see masking and adjusting yourself to be more like another person and more acceptable in social situations- we see that as like a sense of dishonesty and manipulation. But I think allistic people just see that as like normal and what you should be doing" This has me really freaked out! Are you saying that allistic people Don't see this as a manipulative behavior?

[@davidguymon1673]

This is totally me, especially the eye contact thing. When I'm thinking in a conversation I often will close my eye or roll my eyes.

[@etcwhatever]

Aww i was looking at the jacket and thinking its super cute. Its even better you made it. I love crafts too. But im better with cross stitch. My childhood sucked. Kids didnt like me. I was almost always alone. Picked last. Bullied...until i let all the anger out and fought. I was smart enough to not get caught. So my parents werent aware of it. They just i was extra shy because i would rant non stop at home but barely opened my mouth when outside. At 12 yo i was still hiding behind my parents when going to a café. I hated when people talked to me.

[@preciousbun]

thank you so much for this!! it was super helpful :D

[@julialikesfrogs]

"Not being able to maintain a job for more than 2 years" lol I wish I didn't relate to that...

[@friedeyeball]

Your crochet is amazing?!!

[@roosa9065]

I have a habit of taking a nap while a dentist drills or cleans my teeth. Is it part of hyposensitivity?

[@alexieshaw558]

I used to not feel anything really painful when i got my teeth drilled just a dull ache, people used to think i was weird. I guess i realised along the way im hypo-sensitive pain. I officially realised when i had a baby with no pain intervention. Not many women can handle the pain but i was fine.

[@isotope73]

Awesome, thanks!

[@HelloWorld-lv4we]

dude I was a tech too!

[@gbail9566]

I appreciate your conscious attention to detail, down to sociopolitical realities. Getting a diagnosis is rough, but minority parties always need to cry out the loudest, no? Not if you're a billionaire, just shout out at a shareholder's meeting?

[@ebossnz6838]

What if you have these and not? Most of these are traits for people with out it. No one seems to be able to answer me with an actual answer.

[@eusounadja5738]

why is so hard to know yourself? I think we should have psychological e philosophical talks at school and college

[@kurbads74]

I just can't help myself and see a common denominator in everything you describe.

[@semolinasemolina8327]

This is hilarious 😂 women and autism = extreme analysis of autism its self. 😂🎉🎉🎉

[@jefferylawton96]

Everything you say applies equally to NTs. Some flags are noticeable however. Such as higher intelligence, absorbed in explaining things, and extensive use of hands when talking. Can't understand the over use of the word, "masking"? To NTs it's just learning to conform with the group in order to find a friend...(e.g. nervousness, shyness, little eye contact, no words, etc.) Most NTs never overcome these deficits and are plagued by them their whole lives so... they are on "the spectrum" too. This is where better criteria is definitely needed.