Working Through Relapse as the Spouse of an Addict

[@ChassityHudgins]

The more I watch, the more it just fills me with something... Addiction is so much like having an affair. Instead of another man/woman, it's a drug/drink/whatever. The trust is gone, you'll always wonder what he/she is doing when you're not around, & everyone will suffer to some degree. It breaks my heart to know you have to know that feeling. It doesn't go away but it does get better. It isn't an overnight trust for sure. It takes ONE thing to bring it all flooding back. It makes my stomach turn thinking of how you feel because I've been there. I promise, it does get better, but you're doing amazing with trying to heal yourself first. I'm so proud of you, Katie. I've been a viewer for a LONG time & I'm just so so proud. I love you guys & I'll keep on praying.

[@jennywinget1144]

I feel the same way. Katie, you are amazing.

[@lthomas512]

Thank you! I am dealing with my husband now with a relapse. With watching your video I have learned that I need to go to some group and talk with people for myself. And to start back working on me. 😊

[@cinabun2]

It’s hard to publicly talk about these things and admit that your relationships and mental health are not perfect! But your vlogs from your perspective on all of these things are helping so many people that are going through it as well, that we are not alone! Thank you!

[@lilmissnumnums101]

in order for Cullen to stay sober, he will need to distance himself from all others who indulge in alcohol and or drugs, including family members. You and your family can no longer indulge when Cullen is around. Family get togethers, BBQs, parties are all triggers if alcohol is involved. Addiction affects the WHOLE family

[@mamahauss]

Cullen's recovery is his responsibility. Saying that others are responsible for it is codependency.

[@doottles5445]

I agree with Jennifer Hausa. . It’s up to Cullen to make the decision to go or not go; same for Katie-if she wants to go she should-her decision not to go should have not be based on how Cullen will feel or do-if she does it will only isolate her; I speak from experience-I was married to an alcoholic for 13 years and it was exhausting thinking about how he was going to feel or handle it that eventually wouldn’t go. I’m hindsight there were numerous ways to handle this-if he wants to go come up with a game plan and agree on a time to leave; better yet take 2 cars

[@Jill.McGlothlin42]

WaterWithLemonPlease-Peqqy My dad was an alcoholic and when he got sober. My entire family decided to stop drinking for him. It was the best decision we have ever made. I can’t imagine drinking around my dad. It’s all of our jobs as his family to support him. We’re his backbone and his support.

[@alysiaricker747]

it really is true. we have an addict in the family and it helps him. its More out of Respect for him than anything. We just don't drink around him because we know it bothers him especially if he is having difficulty.... I understand what you're saying! It also helps him with a support system. It kind of goes both ways . but I know its diff for every family and situation!!

[@Jill.McGlothlin42]

The Ricker Fam Exactly!!! I mean that’s like inviting an alcoholic to a bar. I mean I can’t imagine drinking around my dad and saying well, it’s your problem. That’s so damn cruel in my book. If an addict can’t rely on his family for support who do they have?

[@brookej9010]

I can definitely understand you on the shutting emotions down and relearning how to do even simple everyday things. I know you say you felt this was all over the place and deep but I enjoyed as a spouse that’s going through a similar situation. Trust yourself we have got this!!

[@kristasparks9059]

It's hard to come to the realization that you can only control your own actions. I've been in your situation for many years. Learning how to move forward and focus on yourself is hard but necessary. People always ask why I never left. First, it annoys me that others are concerned with that. Second, the reasons I stayed are many. You just need to focus on you and not let others interfere. There will be setbacks and I dont always deal with them how i would like but we move forward. My kids are grown now...18, 20, 22. They look to me as the rock of our family. I appreciate that. They lived it with me and know the many facets our life includes. We all learn together. You are doing great.

[@marymurphy1226]

I came across this video at such a perfect time! My husband is 7 months sober. This was such a burst of encouragement. Thank you.

[@specialksgirl504]

Encourage Cullen! Almost everyone relapses!! Encouraging words and being strong and setting boundaries and never giving in

[@lindsayshults1927]

Your honesty is so encouraging... this video made total sense, and thank you for having the courage to share 🤗 keep it up! You’re shining the light for many others!

[@margaretpervier8357]

Katie, everything you say makes sense.Im 68 and went through this in my 30s. I too was the wife. I was not a user of anything. I hid his addiction for a very long time. I wish I could have had your channel back then. Addiction was looked at so differently then. I feel like people look at it somewhat differently now mainly because it effects most families. Love you and your two precious children. I love Cullen too❤️😊

[@LifesGood22]

Fortunately, you have a relationship worth fighting for. I had to right mine off because of personal safety. I still ,even after 15 yrs, I find myself still struggling with some of what you are talking about. Thanks for helping me see these things in myself more clearly. Even after all this time still prefer to be alone.

[@emanuelkemp157]

I am just starting my recovery as a spouse of an addict and you gave me so much to think about. Thank you for sharing

[@tanyademillo8695]

I've been in your shoes except as a mom. What your feeling is so much of what I felt. My son did relapse after 2.5 years, but he quickly detoxed and worked a program again. Take care of yourself, it's so important.

[@magnolia31611]

Oh, how I relate to all of this! I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, thank you for your honesty, and openness in these videos.

[@olyathomas8577]

I love that you share your side of the story it’s important to know that addiction doesn’t just effect the person but everyone and all you do. You guys are making progress even if it’s small. You guys are using your platform to help others

[@sexiidancaaa1]

Such an inspiration and so amazing to watch you open up and let all of us in. Thank you!

[@kimmychan1967]

Wow I’m seeing I need this book or a group like you are part of. My situation is a bit different as it’s my 2 grown kids that have been in & out of active addiction and are still living with us. But these steps are so insightful & I see I need to work on them all myself as well. Between this and Konmari you are inspiring my life so much!! It’s amazing how much getting rid of clutter & organizing helps clear my head to deal with the other stress in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing all that you have. xoxo

[@mkub5662]

“The behaviors you had to rely on to survive are not the ones that will help you build a life you love. There is an essential difference between what you do to get through something and what you do to find happiness again. You have to be willing to stop worrying even if your fears come true. You will have to try even if you’ve failed, be vulnerable even if you’ve been hurt, love even when you’ve lost, show up even if you’re alone, work even if nobody claps, think before you react. You have to stop believing you’re afraid of life when really you’re just afraid of the feelings about life. “ When I wrote this down it wasn’t in reference to addiction but thought it fit with your situation too. Love your KOTFS videos!! God Bless💙

[@shopaholiclivin]

Great chat. I always appreciate when you open up and share your struggles because it makes other feel less alone. ❤️

[@shannonser5368]

You are on the right track. Realize that many of us are in stages way past yours and to watch you thru this is so natural. Also, your mental separation from danger is a material instinct. When you can “feel” that it isn’t a healthy environment, you create a bubble. “Normal to the left, unpredictable to the right.” You are doing great!

[@lindafallin5166]

You and I could be the same person!! Been with a recovering addict for over 30 years and YES there is light at the end of the tunnel. Celebrate a good day! Support each other in your different journey's. You should acknowledge the day's or week's that he has success. And in turn, he should also acknowledge yours. Example - I am glad you took time to go to the gym because I know you feel better afterwards. Thank you for not volunteering to make all the cookies for the PTA bake sale. You are a Team. Fight about it ONCE. One and done. That is the hardest, but it is a must. Get it out and validate each other feelings. You don't have to agree or understand, you just need to let your partner know you hear them. Do random nice things for each other for no reason. That is the secret to keeping the connection going. Good Luck!!!

[@nancycausey9513]

So glad I've found you! You are serving more people than you know. Thank you. 💗

[@kathyeady676]

Katie ,I needed this today......sorely!!! I am a recovering codependent soul. You go girl !!!! I am about to be with family with tons of drama and the guidelines were timely. Keep doing what you're doing and God bless you on your journey.

[@JMF53086]

Lord this resonates with me so much. Very eye opening in things I didn’t even realize I was doing.

[@linab.6586]

Hi Katie, your videos alone in the car or elsewhere are really great !! I know how much courage it takes to learn how to deal with co-dependency. I've lived with an addict for 8 years whom I've loved very much (no kids). I've found myself one day in a supermarket absolutely incapable of finding out what I would like to make myself to eat that very same day - as much as I would have known exactly what my ex-husband would have liked and needed at that moment. I was crying as I looked around and could not even have the slightest idea what would be good for myself. That was the day I realized I was codependent and I needed help. It's a long way to go and it's absolutely worth every little step of it. I have left my addict partner and I am very happily remarried with a non addict man, my life is great today !! All the very best thoughts and prayers and tons of good wishes to you. You'll get trough this, you are already a very rich, interesting, profound person and there is no reason no to overcome this difficult time. All the best to you.

[@lisadye1011]

Stay strong Katie, your an amazing lady, stay close to our loving heavenly father, pray to him and ask for the strength to get through and he will help. Take care of yourself. 😘 XxX Hope the children make a speedy recovery. XxX

[@tonyadaisyjoy74]

Best of luck to you and Cullen. I pray he keeps his sobriety and your marriage grows stronger. You’re a special lady. God bless you all!

[@paulalusk5586]

I get it. Just keep up your meetings, journal, talk. People who have alcoholics for spouses, parents, etc. have been messed up by others addiction. Prayers. You can come the other side.

[@jessthurston4196]

Ahh been dealing with my other half and his addiction for 3 years. He is 3 months sober! Everyday is a struggle. I can relate. To your video so much ❤ Much love

[@deidrekoehler2882]

Katie, you are not alone. Keep doing what you are doing. My husband was 21 when he got sober. He was an IV drug addict. He didn’t even graduate High School. He is now has 33 years of sobriety and has his Master’s degree. We have 2 children (Adults) that are incredible and have been married for 31 years. My husband is a miracle. In those awesome rooms of A.A. Is where his recovery grounded him. He started recovery in N.A. but found that A.A. had more long term sobriety. Also, a drug, is a drug, is a drug, Alcohol is a drug. I have gone to Open meetings with him on occasions and he and I because of his meetings have friends we have none for 30 years in A.A. I am not kidding you when I tell you that Sober people, in those God given rooms of A.A. are the most incredible people I have ever met. Hang in their, tell Cullen “God could and would if he were sought” and sometimes you have to stay sober a minute at a time. For you Katie, you are doing the right stuff, don’t stop before the miracle happens.

[@irljacinta]

Just listened to this Katie.....learning to be kind with yourself even when there is a realisation of behaviours that may promote co-defence is a HUGE one to take on board as it is insidious and can trigger all sorts. For now I just want to send a massive hug to a beautiful lady working hard to protect her entire family....and doing incredible self-reflective work to identify the myriad of contributing factors to include who owns and who shares what. YOU are doing amazingly well, as you have the added pressure of professional knowledge where people 'think' you should be able to FIX everything.....this is your human personal journey....so I would so love for us all to see Katie as Katie first and foremost......a woman doing her utmost to be who she is and find herself amidst all the layers carrier over the years. YOU are doing it Katie girl....including recognition of potential slips...Way to go !!! ☘️👍🏻

[@carriedavis8053]

You are helping me so much! My husband has been sober for almost two years and I am working so hard on myself. This video is so helpful to me. Thanks!

[@pennycathey]

Love you Katie! Totally appreciate you sharing this. I always worry about what others think of me. I totally feel like I am co-dependent because of what happened in the past. I have been going through some serious depression right now.

[@teresamartin6975]

Katie, this whole thing is a work in progress. Although we don't see everything it appears that you guys are doing the work needed. Like you said - everything isn't going to change overnight. The Lord knows exactly how much you can do and how much you can help. Your family comes before others right now. I'm praying for you guys all the time still. Feel free to talk to us anytime you need to. I really do enjoy these talks. It's probably therapy for you but it also encourages & convicts us of some of the same things even if it isn't the exact same situation. The Lord is using you Katie to speak to others. Love ya!

[@soph3850]

You are right you do need just as much recovery as cullen. Especially with 2 little children. Marriage and children are a blessing from God above. And personally I am wanting to lose weight myself and to see you loosing weight makes it just that much easier for me. I'm a teenager and I have loved your story and your updates ❤️

[@tylerwhitney5322]

This is amazing, you are helping so many people! Your honesty is so incredibly encouraging! 💕

[@Sara00393]

"Your mind only knows what it has learned in the past." SPOT ON!!!! OMG!

[@Blueyes05]

SJ_Namaste I never thought of it that way so when she said that it really opened my eyes.

[@Sara00393]

@@Blueyes05 SAME! I have had a lot of Trauma in my life and I have literally been thinking about this statement all day.

[@michaelshanahan2608]

Most important person in a rescue is yourself. Learnt this as a lifeguard. If you can't save yourself first there are 2 victims. Good luck Katie.

[@BigMoneysLife]

I hope Cullen is able to beat his addiction, get clean, and stay that way. He will have a long, tough road ahead of him, but I have faith that he can beat this and change his life for the better. You guys are in my prayers, stay strong.

[@kathyaxley1804]

Take a walk when you get up in the morning. It really helped me take time to seperate myself from the house. After a couple of weeks I realized I was starting to think a little straighter because there was no one in my ear or in my space for that hour and i slept better. Maybe it will help...drive on Katie.

[@pamelabrown8071]

Love you and your chats. Not in a relationship with addiction but so many of the steps you spoke about I am guilty of, with my husband and parents.

[@lindseylimburg1511]

Good advice Katie. If the situation isn't going to change, I have to change. This was very helpful in my situation. Good luck, God Bless You! You're in my prayers ❤❤❤❤

[@nancypeteja6560]

Hey Katie! You are doing great! After awhile you can usual tell when an addict is using or using too much. I almost lost my Husband 4 times to O.D.ing on pain meds. But he knows now that if he puts me thru it again I will leave. I will not stay. I watched my Mother die and I sure as hell will not watch him die because he CHOOSES to take too much medication. He has been real good the last 3 years. I know it's hard when you have small children and have to deal with it, but their safety is top priority and if that means they stay with Grand Dolly & Doc then that's what you do. You have to protect the kids!!! Cullen has to decide how to "fix" his own addictions. He has to want to make sure that his kids are safe and that you are safe too...if that means a rehab center or a program of some sort then that's what has to happen or you will ALWAYS wonder...and you will NEVER trust....and resentment will RULE your life. I pray that y'all come out on the other side and you both grow in a healthy, happy, & loving way. It seems like you both are on the right track!!! Love💖 from 🌞 Florida, Nancy ❤

[@schipp1010]

I was in a longtime relationship with a person suffering from addiction and totally relate to the codependency struggle and way that you feel. Unfortunately the guy I was with also made me feel like it was my job to fix him and everything in our relationship. He also refused to get help, so it didn’t work out in the end. But as someone who’s been there, I really commend you for sharing your experience. I learned so much about what I was doing “wrong” after my relationship ended. I had to relearn certain things like you mentioned. It is really hard! I think you just have to take it day by day. Don’t beat yourself up over a “mess up.” We’re all a work in process and you totally deserve to have time for yourself every day!! Sending love to you and your family.

[@OnlyHonest]

So glad u r getting help as well the addict affects everyone's life. They "come in" like a tornado and u r left cleaning up their messes. It's not about you. Continue with your support group. It gets harder before it gets better. But don't give up especially on yourself. U r so right. Don't give advice. This is a crucial time in your life but continue to take care of YOU AND THE KIDS. Getting a SPONSOR is so important. For both of you. U can share all your feelings with your SPONSOR and your support group. We can't help you. Please talk to someone who can relate. I've been sober for 30 years.

[@haylih.7610]

I know I’m way late in this but I watched from start to finish. All I can say, is your one STRONG women. It all just seems like a big jumbled confusing puzzle your trying to solve & at any minute it can change. Trying to learn it’s all, while trying to understand it all, while trying to do it all. Prayers for you girly

[@BobbiMimms]

Your advice is so good for anyone dealing with a loved one who is trying to make any kind of change in their life.

[@tylergray101]

You are an inspiration. You are so strong, Katie.

[@pamayers8681]

Tyler Gray what is inspirational? She is rationalizing staying with him, weak.

[@kendiguy995]

It is so good to see how hard you both are working to keep your family together and keep your kids safe and happy..you both are so strong and amazing thank you...love y'all

[@jonetta3152]

You are so well spoken. I love how strong you are. I wish you and Cullen both good vibes and that things will continue to get better for you both.

[@ivanailievski7177]

You are a mountain of a woman! A beautiful mountain full of love, understanding and everything a human being should be

[@ashjade86]

My husband also has addictive tendencies, so I can I feel you. Thank you for sharing the list, it resonates with me. Keep pushing. We're all broken people in some way, I believe. Pray.

[@marlasturgill3880]

Just wanted you to know that I have truly enjoyed these videos and your live streams.. They’ve helped me in other areas of my life.. I’m not dealing with addiction just other things in life... So thank you for opening up just about all the things!! Love you Katie and continue prayers friend, sister.. Sending you a big ole hug from Kentucky...🙏 btw I really enjoyed Cullen and Brittany’s podcast that one had me in tears, and the lady is truly blessed to be alive, and what a story.. I have shared it with so many people..

[@dcsalerno]

You, even though you think you are a hot mess, are helping thousands of people! Keep going! You are a child of the most high God and the sky is the limits on what you can both overcome.

[@delenawhitaker8090]

Katie, I understood everything you are talking about! Wow, kinda a slap in the face. Prayers! Prayers! Prayers!!!! Blessings to you & your sweet family ❤ Love y'all!!!

[@apeska1]

I appreciate that you share both the light and the dark! ❤️

[@misty1tl]

Wonderful video. Thanks for your transparency.

[@nataliaah7882]

You are such a strong woman, I admire your courage. Sending love and good vibes!

[@talithaladucer]

Beneficial and relatable video! Coincidentally, I found you from your current debt disaster videos and came across these!

[@carolineann5518]

Hi katie take each day as it comes. As an addict myself with 12 years sober and clean. I worry every day ill relapse but I take each day as my first day for getting clean and it works for me.

[@jthanz87]

Caroline Ann wow 12 years sober is amazing and worth celebrating. Congrats and i hope you stay strong... one day at a time is the best advice.😀

[@carolineann5518]

bl0ndieNY thank u.

[@jennifermoorhead1021]

I totally understand what you’re saying! And I’m the one with the issues It’s hard 💜🙏🏼

[@viva2pk]

Jennifer Moorhead Prayed for you Jennifer ❤️

[@colorguard2000]

Y’all have my support and love. God is there for y’all and he knows what going to happen.

[@BrandiHudman]

This was so so helpful thank you for the relapse check. I never thought about it that way

[@genealotech]

I’m getting professional help for depression and anxiety, as well as getting help in the fact that I’ve been hit with so much that I’ve not allowed the grieving from the deaths of my husband, father and mother (all at different times). I need to start feeling again too, I’ve become emotionally shut down. I’ve appreciated your willingness to share.

[@mamphy2002]

Ok I have watched you guys from the beginning , I lived with an addict and we have been broke up for 6 years...hes still an active addict . This wasnt a beer or a joint, it was much more. I have been through it and back , and seriously still can be affected in one second from the anxiety it caused me. I cant help but wonder what his addiction is, only because it would help to understand the type of issues you have been dealing with. Anyone who has dealt with addiction, the conversations seem to be 1/2 conversations because we dont really know what you were dealing with. Praying for your family I love your logic and wisdom

[@ofthelight6932]

This helped me. Thank you

[@rjrobbins77]

My daughter is a meth addict, I understand having to numb yourself to some extent. For me, as a mother, it's to avoid the fear and anxiety of thinking of what she is doing to herself -- I had to grab onto some happiness for myself in my life -- it's so hard though. As a mother, you have to draw the line and it's like having to learn to walk backwards because your instinct is to go in and save your child. Addiction sucks! But knowing we're not alone in this journey is always encouraging.

[@lmkays]

Take it day to day.....no need to think past the present. Enjoy your good moments every day and don’t stress about what MIGHT happen.

[@catherinerittenhouse1683]

Listening made me realize that I too hold back to keep the peace. It makes me feel sad and depressed. But I know when he withdraws or mad about something it’s easier to be quiet to avoid him angry. Maybe though he should be angry and hear me to feel like I feel but also help me get mine out and not feel sad.....good talk Katie....but now I’m in deeper thought now 🤣😂

[@latonyaricks3294]

Thanks for sharing your side of things. This is really helpful

[@emmathepaperquiller4263]

I really appreciate you sharing your deep thoughts.

[@tracydavies1335]

Loving your vlogs so much Katie. These ones have been helping me so much and I have been trying to put into practice some of the things you have been saying and I feel quite a bit better especially the letting go of things I can’t control 💖

[@maizee11907]

Katie everything here is what I'm going through. I can't believe my ears. I'm in your situation minus the kids. That has to be tough. I am wishing you well during this recovery journey for you all. For 6 years I was lead to believe my Husband was "sober" until he came home on Dec 20th 2018 under the influence. It was a complete surprise, but not surprising if you catch what I'm saying. There had been other times that were questionable over those years but I flat out ignored it and didn't want to face it. So here I am going through the motions. But we have not reached the breaking point about that night. That night a few things were confirmed and stated on how we felt about it and we haven't spoken of it yet since that night. He went to bed and I fumed for days. Not one discussion of his being unfer the influence. But its coming. I'm scared but I am prepared for the battle this time. Your videos help me with confidence. Just before the New Year, before I started watching your videos, I had been working on myself. Once I saw your videos I knew I have been on the right track. I have been slipping but also had a few things going on I'm having to deal with aside from whats in front of me. But no excuses I know. Everyday is a work in progress. For those 6 years I protected his recovery like a mama bear and that was the wrong thing to do for sure. Moving forward I have to have a complete different outlook on everything I did and do it differently. There are the emotions which, like you I have pinned them up inside me. When he came home that night and my life changed...I didn't even break down, not one tear, still haven't. I'm so so so very angry. This anger is different for me, as normally I would be a wreck. I am thankful I haven't shed one tear because that's how I know I'm stronger this time. Not good to hold anger,catch 22 but its how Im coping with the "loss" at this time. I send my prayers and well wishes through this Journey. Hugs from Texas

[@skillian3826]

Thank you, I needed this!

[@juliahecht2100]

Thank you for making this video. I identify as an addict because of bulemarexia and compulsive overeating. 12 steps are 12 Steps. I'm also co-dependent. You put into words beautifully how I've felt lately. I'd love To go out for pop and appetizers and laughs. Thank you!

[@isaacgarrett7441]

This was a super good vid! i'm going through this and it was reliving and insightful to hear your advice!

[@divashuster1386]

The key to stopping bad behavior is, you have to get tired of the behavior. In the eye of the storm you have to remain in control. For me going through all of these mental health issues has only made me stronger. I no longer suffer from the hurricane within me. I no longer let the wind blow me mentally away. I never knew that life could actually make sense. I never knew life had a purpose. Suffering only made me more courageous. I never once knew that love had a name. The change has to happen in your heart, or else it is useless. Being in recovery does not mean I don't look back. Recovery means that you have accepted what happened to you as it is. Recovery feels wonderful. I have realized that recovery is not a game. I have learned that recovery is a place of Joy and happiness. Recovery means that I can tell my family that " I love them" like I have never have before.

[@MMDemp]

My experience with having trust issues where it is essential to be wary - is to thank God for every moment of my life and each situation that I face and to be at peace with the fact that I don't trust some of the people I love. I watch carefully and observe their behaviors and what they say and in my thoughts, make note of patterns so I can react to situations more wisely and keep myself intact and choose new boundaries or adapt older ones. For some of us, it is necessary to have a separate home with a door that I lock and so there is a physical boundary between me and the man I used to be married to. That physical boundary and not sharing a bedroom was key to my healing. My never again folding his laundry or experiencing the fall out from his bad financial decisions was essential also. That doesn't mean that others reading this comment will have a situation similar to mine. The anger you feel, Katie, is part of the healing but your past 'burying' of the anger is not necessarily denial - it's survival and wanting to be a good parent. Expressing your thoughts clearly and calmly is a good thing but I recommend discussing how to approach this in therapy sessions. One of the most difficult aspects is knowing that some people give up drinking or other addictions when their first child is on the way or when they realize that it's hurting their marriage. It's infuriating when you realize that the person for many years just kept on with their addiction without seeking help when they darn well knew that there is help out there. All that time, you had a partner who was hiding an astronomical problem from you and that problem has impacted almost every area of your life. Be angry. Let the tears flow. Your sorrow will pass in time. Your disappointment and the shattering of dreams is much harder to adjust to. So once again, I return to the power of gratitude. In the midst of it all, be thankful for all that is good. Bravo, Katie. Another fantastic vlog !!!!

[@michellelcinkel4380]

My son is a recovering addict his work is mind blowing ! I love it aystin is welcome in our home no beer in our fridge no rum under the sink and get together there is no booze ever he is all that matters

[@lauraolson4040]

For me I'm not ever over it ..the f drug sometimes runs my life ..and I didn't have the addiction ..it was my oldest son ..his been clean for almost 3yrs but you hit every single thing I went through . It's so much better now . I never gave up on my son ..I did do tough love and kicked him out .he had no contact with family until he really wanted help ..for me this took every thing out of me ..I'm a different person I really believe I had a nervous break down ..my at the end of the day my son is alive and doing very well ..xo

[@plf1of6]

I'm in a similar situation, I still am holding my breath and taking one minute at a time. Thank you all for sharing. We are not alone in our journeys.

[@jamiekonz9151]

What you say is truth. Thank you for talking about this.

[@lauraolson4040]

OMG I'm crying because this was me but my was my son ..Katie now that his feeling the feeling he has to know what he has done to you ..anyways your awesome ..

[@lindapeterson8717]

Sending so much love your way! 💕💟💕💟💕💟💕💟💕

[@alysiaricker747]

Katie I just want to give you a shout out of support and love ! Thank you for sharing these deep personal family issues. It must be hard. I love that you two are working through struggles. I can't even imagine. and Recovery will always be now. so prayers for you to continue being strong and prayers for Cullen too. I think he's trying the best he can and he has to learn on the way too!!! That dang flu. Where do they think you get the staff infection from??? Loves, hugs,prayers.

[@amielawson8344]

I hope you heal up quick!

[@carolschoentube7627]

As a child of an alcoholic who also was bipolar, it is important to know that sometimes there might be an underlying psychological issue going on causing an addiction. My father drank because he could not deal with what was going on in his mind. I hope Cullen has been honest with himself and you regarding why he is an addict.

[@alim7688]

You’re helping me so much Katie

[@G4RA]

It good that you stick to your appointment with the vídeo recording because if it was a real work shift you can’t call you boss and tell him my husband is busy with his work so I won’t be going to work or I’m going to be late. Your videos and your life schedule is as important as his... and is good to be strict is helpful to have structure.

[@heidiboffitto5526]

Thank you for sharing!its help me realize I do some of the same things!

[@icecream4depression]

You are helping me so much.

[@thecleaningteacher638]

From one grumpy 🐝 to another...keep taking care of yourself! 💗

[@oracleofraelor9141]

My first marriage was very difficult. I was very young and it seems like a different life. I first husband was an addict. He still is an addict. We had two young children. I waited till they were old enough to see the truth for themselves, then I left him. It was more important that my children were saft and healthy. For 12 years i was an abused spouse and one day I said no more. No more making excuses, no more hiding the truth, No More Being a Victim.

[@kristaebayless5906]

I hear ya girl.... this is the most DIFFICULT part, I think! You’re ALWAYS waiting for the other shoe to drop! Just remember it’s all about you & your kids ! Cullen can work on himself! It’s so TOUGH I KNOW! But you have a complete understanding of the situations and know it’s not your place to fix it!!! You have a firm understanding which is going to get you healthier faster! My kids we’re about your kids age and I just poured myself completely into them and myself. My addicts issues were his own, NOT OURS!!! . I just let my him take care of his own program. But it took a long time to get to that point! My heart is with you and I feel your pain and worry! Just lean on your groups, your GOD and keep talking through your feelings. Educating yourself is the best tool you can have! Love you and your courageous efforts! Stay strong and concentrate on YOU!!❤️❤️❤️

[@charlene1168]

Yes yes yes. Thats bang on whats going on inside of me. Katie thank u so much

[@Annette1965]

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to stop doing is being an enabler by driving him to buy what he wants because I won’t buy it. Then I got to the point that I won’t drive him. He lost his license because of a DUI. He will get mad when I tell him I won’t stop, he says “you’re going to MAKE ME WALK”. I tell him I’m not making him do anything. I guess I have “fallen off the wagon” by stopping. I do think one thing that I have done has made him think a lot. I’m gone four days a week, he has his space too figure things out or whatever and I have the time away I need to clear my mind. He has backed off the alcohol a little but he needs to decide when he’s ready to quit. He can’t be a social drinker or a weekend drinker. It’s like someone who has quit smoking for years then thinks they can have a couple of cigarettes one weekend but then you are back at it again. Last time my husband quit drinking it was for 45 days. He said one day that he was just going to have a few cocktails one weekend. It turned into a half a gallon of whiskey that weekend and he is still drinking. He just has to realize that he can’t drink again. One day I hope he can before he does to much damage to his body.

[@Hallz18]

It’s a learning, growing and challenging process and it always will be. But with God by your side, His Word and community, it can be possible. It’s going to be a life long road of recovery. And there will be trials but with the life changes you made and your faith you’ll get through it. Don’t be too hard on yourself! You are strong, beautiful and an amazing mom and wife! REMEMBER that! ❤️❤️ It’s going to be okay! *hugs* Love you guys! You guys are always in my prayers!!

[@sabrinahotchkiss9578]

Hi Katie, I totally get what you've been saying. This happened to me for 2 years, about a year and a half ago, with the boyfriend I had. Long story short, he was a very proud alcoholic who had been verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. I'd stuff my thoughts and feelings too, as he'd never listen to me. I ended up in the last 4 months of the relationship, finding out I was pregnant. Also by that point, I seen signs of him possibly becoming physically abusive, so I had to hide the fact I was pregnant and had to sneak to an agency to put my child up for adoption. He almost found out I was pregnant but I figured out how to not get him to know. At the end of those 4 months, he had moved out to pursue chef school, which was when I moved and changed my number and blocked him on everything. The rest of the pregnancy went well besides almost miscarrying within those 4 months and having to lie why I went to the hospital. My child is now 1 year old, I've had zero contact with my ex, and it's an open adoption so I've seen her several times in this first year.

[@judidunham5037]

I can totally relate to being a people pleaser. I’m working really hard on not worrying about what others think. Example...I finish eating my dinner in a restaurant when I’m already full, because I’m afraid they will think I don’t like it and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. OMG! I’ve even accepted a doggie bag when I knew I was just going to throw it out when I got home, because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings by saying no. As if they care if I finish my dinner I’ve already paid an arm and a leg for! UGH! I’m working really hard on....DO NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE RENT SPACE IN MY BRAIN! 🙏

[@lindseyhenry4059]

awesome talk. thank you.

[@lauracasteel8177]

#2. This is so me! My husband struggles with severe depression, and I never want to make things crazy....I don't know how to fix this!